Category Archives: Celebration

Maybe Therapy Sucks But You Shouldn’t!

you atract what you focus on

“Alright, you may be offended by the previous blog. Some people may be others won’t be. That is ok. Everyone is entitled to respond however they respond. However you respond says more about you and what are your concerns are than is about my blog.

If you have read my blogs or followed my discussions for years you know I make the case that two people can go and watch the same movie side by side. When they exit one loved it the other hated it. Neither opinion has anything to do with the actual movie. This, of course, you already realize.

Who Is In Charge Of Your Brain

Their response to the movie has everything to do with their mindset, their expectations, their values, their experience of and during the movie. It is a comment about what they like or don’t like and has nothing to do with the movie at all.

It only seems to have something to do with the movie. After all is said and done it is their opinions. Professional movie critics simply provide their opinions and nothing else. You may see the movie and agree or wholly disagree with them. The movie is the movie – whether you like it or not IS YOUR REACTION or YOUR RESPONSE to the movie.

This applies to everything else in life. Life happens and we react to it or we respond to it. The key to success IS learning to respond rather than react. Be in charge of your thoughts. Run your brain don’t let it run you!

I have no monopoly on “truth’. I do not profess to. My opinion is not able to encompass every example and counter example in the world so I don’t try to. Still, you have to be above the yard stick in order to see both ends. What does that mean, Rex? It means, you have to have enough distance from the topic to see both ends or all sides.

Remember, every coin has more than one face. A diamond is multi faceted. No article or speech or book can encompass everything about the subject. So while trying to be fair I don’t try to encompass everything. That would be futile. I assume my readers are smart enough to know this. And you are.

Many Roads Lead To Rome Travel Well

Okay, it may have upset some of you (YOU)  that I said therapy sucks. My article, the point, the premise, theme, the thesis, remains exactly the same if you remove any and all reference to therapy from it. Forget therapy altogether. Take it completely out and read the article. Same with this article. In case, this fine point has eluded you.

The article is about you! The article is about me! The article is about the locus of control. It  had far less to do with therapy than with getting you to think about where you attribute the source of your suffering and the source of your resourcefulness. It is about whether or not you are ‘at cause’ or ‘at effect’.

Frankly, it only had to do with therapy to the extent that some practice that form too. Most people do it already in their everyday lives. Most people haven’t been in therapy. TAKE everything I said about therapy out and the article is the same article.

In my life it is me. It is Rex. ‘I’ am responsible. No one and nothing else  in my life but me. I am 100% responsible for my thoughts, my suffering and my bliss. I am the creator in and of my life circumstances. I am responsible for where I lay blame for problems.

You Alone Are 100% Responsible For Enjoying Your Journey

Either I put it on me or I put it onto others or on circumstances. I say the blame, I mean the buck. The buck lands squarely on my shoulders and my shoulders alone. NO ONE and NO THING else! I am 100% the creator of my life and responsible for my thoughts, feelings, behaviors and results. The buck stops with me.

EVEN if this is not completely an accurate representation of reality. Maybe there is an outer world that influences. I am not asserting that I am god if I say I create all of my experience so please don’t go there. I am saying a useful platform to work from is to adopt the notion that everything is up to me EVEN if it actually isn’t.

Consider Victor Frankl. Think about being imprisoned. Someone may take my liberty away. I may not be able to control that BUT I can control my response to a very disagreeable situation.

I can make it the best situation possible given the circumstances. I may be able to celebrate and remain totally free in mind and experience freedom even when incarcerated. This is what control means. This is what focus means. It means make the best of everything because you are in charge. When life gives you lemons…

It can either suck terribly or it can be incredible. YOU, ME our thoughts about it, our response to it, determines how we go through it. NOTHING ELSE DOES! Frankl wrote about this in ‘Man’s Search For Meaning’ if you have not read it you may want to.

Make The Most Of Your Circumstances

So when I say I blame myself I don’t mean I blame.  I mean I am willing to take responsibility for my thoughts, feelings, responses, actions and behaviors. I take responsibility for the results I get.

Millionaires are made during bad economies. While some are whining and blaming the banks, their jobs, the government, and others for a tough time some people are happily making money. It isn’t the outer circumstances it is what you think about the outer circumstances that makes the difference! From within so without!

It isn’t about blaming and criticizing oneself rather it is about learning who is in charge and doing whatever it takes to be in charge. Instead of blaming oneself for shortcomings celebrate the awareness! When you notice the heat, the hurt, the suffering, the fear or anger celebrate the awareness.

Then shift your attention so that you productively use your awareness to evolve. For god sakes don’t get mired down in self criticism. That leads no where fast. Celebrate! Give yourself praise and encouragement for noticing what wasn’t working and put your attention on what works. Focus on what you CAN DO instead of whining about what you can’t do.

The bottom line. If you think my post is crap and I am wrong that is absolutely fine with me. IF you prefer to focus on what doesn’t work and where you are weak so be it. You think you should work on your weaknesses and improve on those. Go for it.

Your Attitude Determines Your Altitude – Your Belief Determine What You Do – What You Think And Do Determines Your Results

You think you need to uncover the dirt in order to change. OK I get it. I mean this is in no pejorative way. I totally get it. Do whatever you need to do to maintain your status quo. There is room in the world for a variety of approaches and I have no monopoly on truth.

I wrote my article to bring awareness to the issue. I mean no disrespect. You like doing it your way. You like therapy. It is okay to like therapy. There are many approaches I like as well.

When I say the number 1 reason why therapy sucks I mean that IS the number one reason.  I never said all therapy sucks or never go or have therapy. If you read that YOU read that into my post. I didn’t put it there.

I Have Set The Alarm

My words are like an alert signal! I am sounding an alarm. In this day and age I believe rightfully so. There are abuses out there. Just as there are great therapists out there. Consider this; you may argue not all therapy is bad and I should not have said ‘therapy sucks’.

What if we change the premise to ‘all therapy is good’. Is that equally true or are their exceptions, as well? Might you find times and places and practices that are not good? Are there abuses in the field? See nothing is all one way or the other. There is nuance. Am I obliged to find all the ways that therapy wasn’t good then? I think not.

If you want therapy that is fine. Hopefully, having been alerted,  you look for a compassionate good therapist instead of accepting any old therapist. You seek the best approach and the most qualified worker.

BUT AGAIN none of this post or the previous post IS actually about therapy at all. It may still be difficult to understand this! I repeat, it is about where you put the responsibility and the practices and habits you have in life. It is about what you do most frequently during your daily life at work, at play, at home.

If you examine and search for reasons you are broken you will find them. If you look for ways to blame your family, friends, co-workers, yourself or the world you will find them. If you search for talents and abilities you excel at you will find those. If you look for ways to uplift and celebrate others and the world you will find them as well.

Whatever you focus on expands. You become what you think about. What you think about you bring about.

Some concepts are hard to give up. Some concepts are difficult to accept. Some things take time too. Its okay! I get it. Take all the time you need. But know this because it is important.

What You Believe Determines Your Reality

Perception is everything and it truly is. If you think you need to sift through all the troubles from the past in order to come out clean, so be it. Then you have to do that in order to fulfill what you believe; you will do whatever you must to remain internally consistent.

Go do it. But use this as a rule. You become what you think about most of the time. So stay focused on the positive, stay focused on what you want, keep focused on your strengths at least 80% of your time. Use 80/20 as a guide. Actually, I’d prefer 99 to 1% but okay 80 to 20. Most of us live this way anyway.

We can’t be 100% positive (unless we actually can be – that may just be a limiting belief) so any percentage points higher after 50/50 positive/negative is a step in the right direction. 51% positive is moving in the right direction. Keep on moving in the right direction!

Because what you focus on expands, because what you think about you become keep your mind on all the most marvelous aspects of you most of the time. Think the best thoughts. Affirm your positivity. Live in gratitude. Maintain a champion mindset. Live, lough, laugh!

The other 20% of the time, if you feel you want to or must, go ahead and develop your weaknesses. Go ahead and sift through the less than glorious stuff. You can have your cake and eat it too in this regard. You can develop weaknesses there is nothing WRONG in doing that.

Spend 80% Of Your Time Thinking And Feeling Good

Whether or not you resolve past issues during the 20% or whether you skyrocket ahead during the 80% time you focus on the glorious doesn’t matter. You will move forward at whatever the rate and for whatever the reasons because you are devoted to improving.

You may not move as quickly the closer you are to 50/50 because that is how you remain stuck in ok. The more you UP the percentage MORE of the time the MORE likely you are to experience positive changes quicker and more easily. This is because what you spend your time  doing most determines what you get back.

Don’t be upset if you are a fan of therapy. No reason to bristle because I said focusing on shortcomings and negativity is not the best approach for making positive changes.

There is no reason to feel bad unless you insist on feeling bad. There is NO reason to feel bad because of what I write. It isn’t worth upsetting yourself over. The goal is to discover what you can do to live more successfully. Take your control back don’t give me any.

Your mission, should you accept it, is to be the very best you that you can be. Ultimately, when you are happy as you want to be, it won’t matter how you got there so much. As long as how you got there was wonderful for you and the others in your life. Include others in the fun too! I prefer to enjoy the journey along the way.

Make The Major Part Of Your Life The Good Part

Make the major part of your life the good part, the great part, the fun, loving, kind, enjoyable part and you will be surprised at how quickly you can be, do and have everything you want. When most of your hours are filled with love, joy, fun, and delight YOU are already living life in a more meaningful way.

Spend your time in delight, in gratitude and celebration. Appreciate where you came from, all the experiences and people in your life. Everything from the past has brought you to now. Celebrate this!

Appreciate and validate where you are today. Celebrate all. Know that great things are coming in the future and that you will accomplish wonderful things. Good things are now and on he horizon, even if you can not see them yet, good things are coming your way. Let them in!” Rex Sikes

Make up your mind to make your mind marvelous today!

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The Number 1 Reason Therapy Sucks!

talking about problems greatest addiction

“I might upset a lot of people with this but hang in there. Stay open as your read. You may feel a tendency to shut down and dismiss but keep an open mind. I know it can be difficult to listen (read) all the way through, especially in this day and age but give it a shot. Try it. Hear me out.

Some therapy will keep you in therapy forever because they want you to sift though all your pain, hurt, defeat, heartbreak, anger, sadness, every grievance you may have had because they believe buried deep within you are unresolved hurts and issues. You must bring them to light of day, work on them and over come them. This is very well meaning but not most effective.

This approach will keep you in therapy for a longer time. It is a ruse, a dirty trick played on you. The goal of therapy should be healing and to get out of therapy. This business model works against you since you are charged by the session the doctor makes more the less success you have. Your problems line their pockets with cash. This happens when the focus is on managing issues (in any field) instead of the resolution of issues. There may be legitimate reasons too. Not everything is cut from the same cloth.

The same applies to self help products and seminars when, after you purchase their product they continue to upsell you on why the original product didn’t work in the first place. While it can be true in therapy or with products and seminars some troubleshooting may be required none of it should make you feel inadequate about your abilities to change. You should be focused on what you can positively and proactively do to be able to live the life you want to live.

Therapy Should Search To Find Your Strong Points 

The goal should be to find solutions, resources, talents, abilities,all your strong points and to get you out of therapy. The focus in much therapy, as practiced, IS IN EXACTLY THE WRONG PLACE.  It keeps you locked into seeing a therapist.

Let me say there are scores of well intending, compassionate understanding people who value this therapeutic approach and I realize I am stepping down hard on their toes. There are many who practice and receive therapy who believe in it. Benefit can be found anywhere if you look for it.

I have the utmost respect for all these people and do not intend to cause any discomfort – other than the mental kind that comes with entertaining an opposing idea. This is a call to examine and to be open and to improve the work that good people want to accomplish. It is meant to build in a particular direction not to tear down.

I hope you understand. That said, let’s move on!

Therapy Is Supposed To Be A Healing

It is supposed to be about Healing! Einstein said, ‘We can not solve our problems with the same level of thinking that created them.’

You don’t heal the wound by continuing to pick at it. You treat it and let nature heal while you move on with your life. Digging into the wound, other than to immediately clean it out and identify what needs to be done, does not help it.

Understanding one’s problems and listing reasons for being stuck may placate for awhile but it does not necessarily resolve them. This approach causes us to continue to live with issues. We explore and find the reasons we are as we are.

We determine who or what we blame for our problems. We make excuses as to why we haven’t yet moved. Instead we should take responsibility for the problem, get over it and move ahead.

Energy Flows Where Your Attention  Goes

This concept has roots in most of the major religions. Napoleon Hill and the early thought leaders of the 20th century addressed this issue well. It is popularized in Law Of Attraction (LOA) literature.

Simply put: What you focus on expands. Whatever it is, good or bad, wanted or unwanted enlarges when you pay attention to it.  It expands when we put our attention on it. This is about where and how we place our attention!  Whatever you resist, persists! What you fight fights back.

Earl Nightengale stated it. So had Buddha, and Gandhi when they said,  ‘You become what you think about.’ This is another way of saying energy flows where your attention goes. What you think about you bring about. What you hold in your head you will hold in your hand.

It is the principle of Karma. It is cyclical. You get back what you put out there. Whatever you plant you will later reap. What you attempt to fix you focus on so you get more of the problem.

The problem for people attempting to resolve their problem this way is that focusing on the problem IS THE PROBLEM!

Birds Of A Feather Flock Together

The Law Of Attraction states like attracts like. Whatever it is! Good or bad! Positive attracts positive and negative attracts negative. SO if you are stuck and you focus on why you are stuck you get more stuck. It is simple really. What you think about you bring about.

No one tells you this because we have become so entrenched in thinking this is the way it is. We have been lead by an industry into thinking that digging a hole will get us closer to the other side. It won’t! We just end up with more and more dirt.

If you focus on what you do not want you put energy into what you do not want. How do you suppose you will get what you want while you are totally focused on what you don’t want? YOU WON’T!

No one tells you this because you are their paycheck. Even if they are well intending and it isn’t about the money this philosophy will keep you stuck for a long time. This form of therapy is not the answer. Caring people can nurture and promote a problem unintentionally. They don’t mean to but they don’t know any other way.

Withdraw The Energy From The Problem

The way of change is to withdraw the energy from the problem source. Let it go. Drop it. Then direct the mind to what you want instead. Focus on what you want and it expands. If you stop feeding plants or weeds they will wither and die. STOP FEEDING YOUR PROBLEMS!!!

The reason why a lot of change work doesn’t work and why people stay stuck IS because the solution to the problem does not exist at the same level the problem was created. We have to shift, step aside, go around, move over to the positive instead of focusing on the negative.

Stop It, Drop It, Let Go And Re-Direct Your Attention To Solutions

If you want your life to change you have to change things in your life. You can’t continue to do the same things over and over again and hope for a different positive result. It won’t happen. We are our habits and if we are habitually focused on what is wrong we are not ever going to get to what is right until we change those habits.

Focus On Your Strengths; Focus On What Is Right

You don’t get stronger focusing on your weaknesses. You don’t get better developing your weaknesses. You might get to mediocre by working on what you are least good at. You become the best by focusing on and developing what you are good at.

When you focus on your strengths, what you are best at, you have an opportunity to take them to a championship level. You maximize your strengths. You accentuate your abilities. Remember, whatever you focus on expands!

Instead of looking for why and where you are broken search for why and where you are good. Look for why and where you are healthy! Look for why and where you work perfectly well. Look for your resources. Look for you positive characteristics and attributes and emphasize those.

Develop Your Skills And Abilities

Get better at these. Develop you positive thoughts and feelings and you get more of them. What you focus on expands. You become what you think about! You will feel more positive about yourself. Your confidence and your competence will grow. You’ll begin to feel better and enjoy more well-being.

Stop focusing on how you aren’t enough and begin focusing on how you are more than enough. Focus on the light and life radiating within you. Stop getting in your own way by looking for dirt and begin to look for gold. It is there within, perhaps hidden, but you will find it as you look for it.

Develop your positive thoughts and feelings, attributes and characteristics. Develop the skills and abilities you are already good at. Your confidence and well being and wonderful thoughts about yourself will grow too and soon you will discover other positive truths about you. You’ll discover glorious feelings! You will rock your world.

Praise Yourself, Celebrate and Become Filled With Gratitude

Stop blaming and criticizing yourself. Be grateful for everything you have and don’t have. Be thankful for all of your experiences good and bad, for all the wonderful and all the horrible people in your life. Celebrate, be grateful, be free.

Take responsibility for it all! Don’t be a wimp don’t make excuses just accept responsibility for it all. 100% This puts you in charge. When you take control everything changes for the positive. You begin to determine the outcomes. You decide to live as a victor, a champion, and not a victim.

If you want your life to change you must change things in your life. Change your thoughts. Stop blaming yourself, others and the world! Accept total responsibility for everything. Even if you disagree with this premise it allows you to be in charge and at cause rather that at the effect of others and circumstances.

Choose! Would you rather live from a place of compassionate, benevolent power or would you prefer to be a slave and a victim to problems? Would you rather live strong or weak? It is completely up to you and ONLY you.

Stop looking for what is wrong and for what doesn’t work and begin to look for what is right. Develop these things! As you do you will stop being weak and you will start being strong. That happens when you come into your own power. You will celebrate yourself! You will also find reasons to celebrate others.

You will be nicer, friendlier, more loving and develop better relationships when you embrace your strengths. It is a natural part of your development when you focus on the positive rather than the negative. You become kinder. You become more accepting. You learn change is easier than you originally thought!

Transform Yourself And Your Entire Life Transforms

You develop a strong sense of helpfulness and co-operation while at the same time you learn to establish boundaries. You say yes to more of what you want and no to what you don’t want. You stop wasting your time and enjoy life more.  You end victimhood and you stop being a doormat when you take charge of your life.

It is amazingly powerful! This is life transforming! You learn to shift awareness from problems to solutions. You’ll move away from the unwanted toward the wanted; away from the negative to the positive. You will develop new positive habits for staying focused in positive ways on what works, what is helpful, what you want and enjoy!

Stop! Don’t be one of these people who spend years trying to figure out what is wrong. They would be better served if they focused on developing strengths instead of discovering their weaknesses

Keep in mind the American Psychiatric (and Psychological) Associations philosophies of practices focus on the diagnosis and treatment of problems. Keep in mind psychology, just like medicine, is a practice. It is about diagnosis and repair. These practitioners are not gods, they are only expressing opinions based on their training biases and really nothing more. Actually, that is true about anyone.

If all you have is a hammer you treat everything as a nail. If the focus is on problems you’ll find problems everywhere. This mindset applies to you and me first and foremost. We must look for solutions if we want to find them.

It is accurate to say that in USA we do not promote health and prevention as much as we practice diagnosis, repair and management when necessary. We have little in the way of preventative medicine in our country but this movement has been growing slowly for decades now. Still, one can see the obvious battle between the corporate powers that be and those helping to bring about change.

Concetrate On Health And Well-Being For Yourself

Even though we don’t promote wellness as much people can find benefit anywhere and everywhere. Nothing is written in stone. We can all change regardless of what approach we take. Be positive! Be optimistic. Expect to find solutions and you can.

Perception is everything as are our expectations. People tend to rise to what is expected of them! Look to what is healthy and positive! Look into what is healthy and is positive.

Your goal is to have an incredible, loving, fun-filled, joyous successful life. Perception is everything. Orientation is everything. Framing is everything. Don’t submit to the limitations of philosophies. You deserve better.

See solutions, talents, abilities, resources. See positive potential wanting to be released. There are victors who chose to live as victims because they drank ‘the sugary drink’.  Stop it! Believe in yourself. Believe in the ease at which you can change.

Let me make this point very clear. This blog is not about criticizing the system although there is plenty that could be said. This is not meant to criticize countless numbers of helpful, beneficial practitioners of change. If you are in therapy and it is working for you celebrate and be grateful. That is what it should be doing regardless of the approach. I am all for doing what works!

My emphasis is that people put attention in the wrong place. This should be very clear. Therapy, as practiced by many, sucks because of what people focus on. The emphasis is on the problem. The same is the case for people not in therapy. They put their attention in the wrong place. This post is about where you put your attention and where to put it to get the most benefit! Please don’t miss this point.

Change work should be about healing and solutions. It could be about resources and strengths. WHETHER OR NOT someone is in therapy the point remains the same because this is really NOT about therapy! If you focus on the negative that is what you get more of. Stop focusing so much on problems. If you are going to find a therapist find one who focuses on solutions! They are out there!

I must keep reminding the reader: this point of this post is where WE place OUR attention! You must place your attention where it does the most good! Focus on the positive, your talents, your abilities, your strengths. You will find more of them when you put your attention on these! If you want your life to change you must change things you are thinking, paying attention to, and doing. You have to change some things to change your life. When you focus on developing your strengths your confidence increases as a result.

Expect Change To Be Easy And It Will Be. Perception is Everything

You can live an amazing, wonderful, joy-filled life NO MATTER WHAT. Your past doesn’t equal your future. Whatever you did or however you lived before that was then. Now is the time to make the change. Now is the time to start developing the positive habits that you will use to have the best life ever!

Live victoriously. Claim it! Live as a victor. Live and think and act and feel like a winner. You deserve to. Have a glorious life! Focus on what you want and can do. Focus on enjoying it all. Celebrate and becoming grateful for everything.

Make the changes you want to make. You can be, do and have anything you want. So do it! Be responsible for your life from this moment forward. There are more incredible and delightful moments ahead for you than you can even begin to imagine right now!” Rex Sikes

What a wonderful new day to delight in!

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The Number One Reason Therapy Sucks!

Are You Ready To Transform Your HoHum Life Into A More Positive, Successful, Rewarding One?

wattles universe wants you to have ur desires

“You would never think to put anything but the right fuel in the gas tank of your car, would you? Oddly, some people treat their cars and boats and planes better than they do themselves.

What You Feed Yourself Is Important

What you put into your system either nourishes you, builds you up, adds to your health or it does not. If you eat the right healthy food choices you can expect to be healthier than if you eat junk food and empty calories.

When you eat right you feel better, think better, behave better because you have provided your body the proper fuel it needs to go about its tasks. This principle not only applies to your physical health but your mental, emotional, spiritual and social health as well.

What You Focus On Is What You Get

Whatever you fill your mind with will be reflected in your attitude and in the life you live. If your current circumstances aren’t everything you want them to be then it is a sure bet you aren’t maintaining a healthy diet in one or more of these important areas.

If you want an incredible fulfilled life then you must provide your mind, heart and spirit with the proper nutritious fuel. You can’t become rich focusing on lack. You won’t be a success if you are concerned with defeat. You will not be happy if you are worried all the time.

Here is what you must do if you want your life to be more positive, more successful and much more rewarding.

Spend Time Each Day Consuming Positive Reading Material

It isn’t how much your read it is how much time you spend reading that is important. The longer you spend the more you benefit. Some people will complain they have no time. Then read at least a page or two from some excellent inspiring material daily.

Listen To Inspirational And Motivational Speakers

Listen to thought leaders who can help move you in positive ways. Fill your mind and your time with positive messages that lift you up and encourage you. Whenever you drive is an excellent time for listening.

Surround Yourself With Positive Friends

Keep company with positive people and influences who lift you up and move you forward. Eliminate those messages and media influences that are negative. Reduce the amount of time you spend with friends who whine, complain, gossip and bring you down.

Evaluate These

Who do you listen to? What do you read? How much time do you spend each day devoted to your mental, physical, emotional, spiritual, wealth and social well-being? Are you nurturing yourself?

Are you developing and enhancing positive relationships with family, friends, co-workers and love interests? Are you building your bank account and making your dreams come true?

How Are You Spending The Bulk Of Your Time?

Is it invested in you or in distractions and limitations? Are you watching television for hours on end, gaming, spending time on social media?

Are you filling yourself with positive inspiring news or news on how everything is falling apart and sucks? Are you predominantly positive or predominantly negative? What occupies your focus and attention most of the time? To what do you give your energy?

If you are what you eat you also are what you think and what you do. You are known by the company you keep. Your actions speak louder than words. If garbage goes into the system garbagewill come out of the system. This is known as the Principle Of GIGO.

You know how they train animals to behave, don’t you?  Repetition and conditioning is the key. They use positive reinforcement as a system of rewards.

Research has determined the best way to extinguish an unwanted behavior in animals and humans is to ignore it. Do not draw attention to it. Let it go. Instead, reward the behaviors you want to flourish. Repeat the behaviors you want to make habitual and automatic. Practice makes permanent.

Successful People Are Conditioned For Success

They learn from birth on because they have the right parents, or they get training and mentoring, or they stumble into it eventually through trial and error. Howeverthey come by it they live and think differently than those who are not successful.

Successful people follow patterns for success. The repeat the patterns again and again making corrections and adjustments as necessary. In going through this process they condition themselves for success. Wash, rinse, repeat. Practice makes permanent.

Don’t Get Caught Up In The Negative

Successful people don’t get caught in the negative but encourage patterns that work. Any great athletic, business or life coach knows this too. Place the emphasis on what you want not on what you don’t want because  you get back what you focus on.  They know that what you think about you become. Affirm what you want!

People who are not successful and who have difficulty in life repeat patterns of defeat. The wash, rinse and repeat that which does not work and that brings them down. The have habits that do not serve to make them happy, healthy or wealthy. Their habits make them miserable and keep them poor.

Successful People Utilize Positive Intentional Thinking

You can too. Focus on what you want, what you intend to create, what you intend to be, do or have and let the other stuff go. Remember, whatever you put your attention on grows in importance. What you think about you bring about!

Keep your attention off the negative, off the worry, off the fear, the doubts and anxiety. Keep it off comparisons to others, the blaming, whining, criticizing and making excuses. Keep talk and self-talk positive!

Focus On What You Want

Focus on the positive, the healthy, the nourishing good food and fuel for your mind, heart, spirit, and body. Then you will become what you want to be, do what you want to do and have what you want to have. What you think about you bring about.

What consumes the mind and fills the heart is what you get back in return. Fill yourself with celebration. Be grateful for whatever you have and whomever is in your life. Be filled with gratitude for everything and you will live a joyous life! Smile frequently!

The more time you fill  with positive, productive, successful practices and people the more you will transform your life.

Intentionally choose your positive thoughts and fully express gratitude and celebration. The more you enjoy these positive feelings the quicker and easier you will find delight and joy and transform your experience from ho-hum to absolutely incredible. Don’t wait, begin today!” Rex Sikes

Be thrilled today!

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Accidents Happen And Boy When They Do


“It turns out the universe wants me to slow down. This morning, I was exiting the house, keys in hand on my way to a meeting, focused on hitting the button on the keys to open the car when I hit an uneven spot in the walkway and was pitched headfirst into my car.

I slammed into the car, my left knee hitting the pavement, my right foot twisting and turning under me as I fell on it. I got up slowly, it was difficult, my knee scraped and bleeding, my right foot sore. My wrists and forehead worse for wear but ok. I laughed, ‘what was that?’

I hobbled around looking for my keys. Took about 10 minutes when I noticed them about 20 feet away in the driveway in front of the car. Onto my meeting I went, sore but okay. I laughed it off at the meeting and had a most wonderful, marvelous meeting of new beginnings in many ways. Many new doors opened right then.

In olden by gone days I would have sworn, complained, wondered what I had done to cause this, or wondered why I had crappy luck. I would have been miserable. I would have poisoned the pot with negative self-talk, criticisms and negative questions.

Today, I could only think, ‘This is a blessing!  Wow, something good is going to come of this. I wonder what it might be. I have no clue. Surprise me.’ It was automatic.

As we were leaving the meeting I took my foot our of my shoe to see if it had swollen and stepped down onto the pavement and that was it. WOW! The pain was unbelievable. Up until then everything was fine, pretty much. I still had errands to run but now I was seriously hobbled and in a lot of pain.

I did them. I limped around doing errands the pain increasing all the while! I drove home. I barely made it into the house and into a recliner. Eventually, I called my daughter and asked if she could take me to urgent care. She came by and she did. What an angel. We got to urgent care about 4 hours after the injury.

At Urgent Care I passed out twice. I don’t recall it but so I am told. I nearly puked. I was hot and sweating. Apparently, I had spent too much time on the injury.

They x-rayed my foot eventually and gave me a diagnosis. The pain grew and grew. They wheeled me from room to room. They were very caring. Finally, they left my daughter and I alone in a room together.

I looked at my daughter and realized I was exhibiting pain in front of her all the while. She was watching Dad suffer. This isn’t a bad thing we all can hurt. Pain is a natural response.

However, recently I have been trying to tell her you can handle tough times, you can get through the pain, it too will pass and here I am passing out from it. I was not the example I hoped I would be. She, of course, already does know everything I am trying to ‘teach’ her. That’s the kind of person she is! Amazing.

I looked at her and focused on her. Inside I thought, ‘it is only pain’. I focused on my daughter, I kept that thought in mind and looked at her and my heart filled with love. Within minutes I knew I could handle the pain. We were smiling. It was wonderful.

During all of this time, from the accident onward, I kept thinking inside, ‘Wow, something good is coming my way, I have no idea what but something incredible is coming’.

I believe it too. I know it is. I began to say it out loud so she would know what I was thinking. ‘There is a blessing in all of this!, Something good will come of this.’ ‘I don’t know what yet, but it is a blessing.’

Speaking it out loud has its own power. It makes it more real too. AND I wasn’t lecturing I was just Dad talking to himself. I was affirming what I knew to be true and she was hearing me and seeing me. Even in crisis any of us can be resourceful. Everything can be a blessing if we only choose to see it that way!

If ever there is a strong, incredibly resilient person it is my daughter. She truly is my teacher as is my son. From the moment they were each born I committed to being the best guide I could be on our journey together.

I promised to love them no matter what. I also knew deep in my soul they would teach me more about parenting than I could ever teach them about growing up. I am the luckiest guy on earth with such incredible children.

Okay, so I know something about pain management and have practiced it for decades. I have taught pain control in workshops and seminars in various locations around the world. People have flow thousands of miles to spend days, weeks and months with me in seminars and live training.

Yet, in the heat of the moment I was caught up in the hurt.

I closed my eyes put my head back and began to think and ask myself, ‘what part of my body feels the very best?’ ‘In how many different ways can I discover myself feeling wonderful?’ ‘What is the best feeling I can find right now?’

‘Where does it feel wonderful? In how many different ways can I discover all the places in my body that feel good?’ I sent my brain on a search by asking questions and it delivered.

I used Directed Questions™ to direct my mind to what were the best feelings I could find. I found them and began feeling those! I began to experience relief. I was beginning to pay attention to what felt good instead of what felt bad. I was looking for what was right instead of what was wrong. I was finding it too.

My mind was attending to what felt the best. It was searching for the ways in which this incident was a blessing right now, in this moment, AND in the future with many good things coming my way. My daughter was here, we were together, she was helping me. This moment IS a perfect moment.

We were blessed in this way right in this moment! The moment was unfolding. It wasn’t just a blessing and an opportunity for the future it was a blessing right now. How lucky we were to be sharing this moment! An accident brought us this realization. How marvelous is that?

I had steered away from the pain back into the positive. You have read this or heard this from me before if you follow my blog or the materials I have shared for decades. I navigated to the more productive. I didn’t resist the pain or try to stop it. I looked for what was better. I dropped the pain and enjoyed feeling wonderful.

Yes, it really hurt but it began to subside. It became manageable. Yes, it was very painful when they manipulated my foot on the x-ray bed, or tried on various braces but as long as I realized ‘it’s only pain’ and allowed myself to be filled with wonder and enjoyed my awesome daughter I could handle it. Hours went by.

I told my daughter that looking at her helped me. I enjoyed and loved her and was feeling relief. Eventually, they found a brace that fit, gave me prescription for an MRI. Surgery may be required. Okay, so now some focus on healing swiftly may be the order of the coming days.

Right now, she is out running errands for us. Picking up food, etc. I am at home with my leg elevated and ice on it. I am fine. Does it hurt, sure but I am at ease with it. I have let go of the hurting and am focused on the miracles in life.

Everything is grand. I decided to share my thoughts while I had time during the day rather than my early morning writing schedule.

Another lesson I learned is: I should pay attention when I walk. Not be caught up in things. I used to practice ‘Zen Walking’, when walking just walk, the basis of Zen – be the activity and nothing more.

If you are going to wash the dish, wash the dish. If you are going to eat, just eat. No distractions, no TV, no phone or reading, just eat. Be one with the moment!

I had much on my mind. Slow down. One thing at a time. It may not need to be a rule but it can certainly be a lesson. I was inattentive walking to the car. Perhaps, I can use this lesson to remember to be more aware and alert when doing any number of things. A reminder to be aware! How marvelous is that?

I certainly remembered I didn’t have to be a victim to the pain. My first thoughts of pain added to what I was feeling. It made it worse. Once, I changed my thinking the pain lessened. I mean it really lessened!

I am not surprised because I teach this stuff. I know it works. I emphasize this because I was caught up in the hurting at first. Once I realized that, during everything that was going, and I utilized what I know works. It did. It worked! It worked quickly and powerfully. I could share other examples from my past but I won’t at this time.

On top of it my daughter is a marvelous nurse. She picked up delicious ‘OH SO GOOD’ authentic East Indian food from a friend who makes great dishes from her native land. We are having a feast. I am sampling while typing. Yes, very marvelous indeed!

I would never have received this delicious Indian dinner today. PLUS, as a result, I learned about a fantastic Indian Restaurant in my neighbor I didn’t know existed!!! Blessings come in all shapes and sizes.

I feel loved, cared for and grateful to have had this experience and to have such an incredible daughter. Thanks my darling! I’m a lucky Daddy!

I will have to slow down and take it easy for awhile. I have crutches and a brace and have been told to see the follow up doctors as soon as possible. Okay, I can do that. Tonight, I will relax, read some inspiring material and chill out feeling grateful.

All in all the events of the day, while not something I would have picked for myself, have been amazing. I have learned much and feel so loved and grateful. Something incredible has already come my way and I know more is on the horizon. Lucky Me!” Rex Sikes

How many blessings will you discover today? I wonder?!

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Do This When Frustrated, Angry or Feeling Bad!

worry takes away today's peace

“How can you tell if you are focused on what you don’t want or what you do want? It is actually easy. Your have a signaling system that you can use. It alerts you when you are on or off track. You only need to learn how to recognize it to use it. It requires is becoming aware.

Your Feelings Are Your Signal System

If you are frustrated it is a signal you are focused on what you do not want. Negative emotion is the signal you are focused on what you don’t want. When you are feeling good and have positive emotions it is a signal you are focused on what you want.

Negative emotion only means you are thinking about what you do not want. Whatever you are thinking about mostly is what you get more of. You create the conditions of your life experience. You manifest more of the same. What you think about you become.

If you are frustrated, angry, depressed, anxious, worried, fearful, blaming and accusing, whining and complaining you are spending time and energy in a less than glorious place. The feelings that cause you to blame or complain are the signal.

If you catch yourself criticizing and speaking poorly about self, others, events and situations that is a signal. A clue you are focused in less than productive ways on what you do not want.

Once you become aware you are feeling negative, feeling frustrated, and you don’t like feeling that way you can do two things. First, you can get more frustrated, and more angry, you can get more intensely negative to the point where you think and say and commit to yourself,  ‘never again!’ You can ramp it up and get to that ‘this is the last straw’ point. From this point you can make changes you need to.

That is one way of dealing with it. It can and does occur naturally for people. They just get to the point where they know they have to change. That intense emotion is fine as long as it serves to take them to a place where they stop focusing on the negative and begin focusing on the positive.

The negative feelings are the signal you are not focusing on what you want. However, if you don’t change your focus to what you do want you won’t have the relief or get the results you hope for. You must wake up, pay attention to the signal and change what you are doing.

You must switch your attention. THAT IS WHAT your feelings have been trying to get you to do. You feelings are trying to GET YOUR ATTENTION enough for you to notice so you can SWITCH!

Remember, if you always do what you always did you always get what you always got. It is an opportunity to be productively different.

Clarify What You Do Want

Use the powerful negative feelings to figure out what it is you do want. Stop focusing on the negative and start focusing on the positive. Commit to staying focused on the positive. Whenever you feel negative there is an adjustment you should make. That IS the signal you are off course.

You have an internal guidance system. You have an internal GPS. You have a system designed to be self correcting. The unwanted thoughts and feelings inform you that you are off course. Don’t fight them, celebrate when you recognize the signal and make the necessary changes. Less than glorious means time to change!

Some people have spent so many years ignoring or fighting and pushing down and repressing their feelings they have difficulty telling when they are feeling good or  less than glorious. Still, you can learn to pay attention and benefit from this internal guidance bit by bit, Awareness is your key! It may be more subtle but you can do it.

Commit to paying attention. Do a self inventory frequently though out the day by asking ‘how am I feeling’ . Take a moment to evaluate and be honest. It is useful  to color chart your feelings using crayon or markers to indicate the changes during the day.

Notice predominant colors and notice how frequently you actually fluctuate. This is a great learning tool Give it a shot and you may surprise yourself.

You can ask someone  to assist you by pointing out when you are acting in certain ways. Just don’t bite their head off when they help. The goal is to become aware when you are feeling less than glorious so you can change direction.

Second, Make Incremental Change

You change from bad to a little bit better. Step by step. The goal is to feel a bit better. Actually, the goal is to feel the best you can most of the time, but if you are intensely down or angry going from that place to joyous is too big a leap.

Going from angry to frustrated is a smaller step and a worthwhile one. You are learning to lessen the anger and move away from it.

People either get frustrated and then angry or they can get angry and cool off to frustrated. It is like a gate that can move in either direction. A swinging door. So when you are really mad the goal is to cool off and begin to think of what you do want.

If you are down you want to get to a bit better place. A place more okay and begin thinking about what you do want. If you are depressed you may want to get frustrated and angry. At least, from angry you can act.

Because it is intense you create more movement. From there you can more readily change. Regardless, one needs to get to a place where ‘enough is enough’ and then make positive productive change.

What you want makes you feel good when you think about it. If when think about what you want you feel bad you aren’ t thinking about what you do want. You probably are thinking about how you don’t have what you do want.

You won’t feel good if you compare where you are to where you want to be unless you are celebrating closing the gap. If as you inch your way forward you are delighted the entire time then it is fine.

Gratitude Helps Make Everything Better

If you celebrate everything you are on the right track and you will feel better more of the time. How can you feel down and out, frustrated, angry or bored when you are thankful and happy and delighted about everything? You can’t!

Find every little thing you can to enjoy, and appreciate. The more you find the better you will feel.

Once you make gratitude and celebration a daily habit you will be thinking and feeling good most of the time. You will be much closer to making your dreams come true as you live this way. Then your head and heart is clear to find more opportunity and advantages each day. You are better equipped to handle obstacles, and disappointment. You are far more resilient and resourceful!

When you live in gratitude and celebration everything is incredible and getting better at the same time. It is one of the wisest and most powerful choices you can make. Celebrate everything, even the tough stuff! Look for the silver lining and emphasize it. Never waste an opportunity to feel grand!” Rex Sikes

Enjoy today!

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