“Would you like to get along better with people? For some that means family, friends, or employers, employees or co-workers and associates. For others it means strangers or people the meet in the coffee shop and supermarket Here is a framework to keep in mind.
To get along with others first notice they are different from you. They are unlike you in nearly every way. They like different things. They do things in ways you don’t like or understand. They have opposite views and understanding. They have different values.
They are not like you at all. The have different political views, religious views and approaches to doing things you may think are insane. They have habits or behaviors that are annoying. Why they are like they are and do what they do is anyone’s guess!
Speak In Such A Way That Others Love To Listen To You
While different in many ways they are also just like you. They have hopes and dreams, people and things they love, fears and worries, anger and sadness. They are people just like you but different. They want to be loved and need security. They want to be care for.
They want to care for others too. They want loyal dependable people around them. Most likely they want some creature comforts. Like you they are doing the best with what they have. Like you they are trying to make their way in the world with an incomplete map.
Just like you they weren’t born with an owner’s manual. They learn by trail and error too. They make mistakes and hold grudges. Do you get it yet? People are more like each other than they are different! We all have the same basic needs and many of the same wants.
Listen In Such A Way That Others Love To Speak To You
How we go about understanding these and fulfilling these differ. What we consider important may differ but otherwise we are mostly alike. We are all trying to make our way in the world. We make rules for ourselves and others. We uphold these and break these rules.
How do you best get along with others? Two ways. Treat others the way you prefer to be treated. AND treat others the way they prefer to be treated. The first is about YOUR mindset. What is good for the goose is good for the gander. If you like it do it for others.
If YOU don’t like it then remember OTHERS may not either. Treat them the way you want to be treated. If you want respect, respect them. If you want love, love them. If you want to be heard, listen to them. Get it? Whatever you want, give first, and you will give it back.
Enter Someone Else’s World And Make Them Feel You Understand
Treat others the way they prefer to be treated means THEY may not want to get it the way you do. They may like their coffee with cream while you like yours black. Give them coffee with cream. Be willing to adjust and tailor your approach to their preferences. Understand?
Give them what they want or need they way THEY want or need it. Do not demand they do things, think things of feel things as you do. Allow them to be themselves with their preferences. Allow them to pursue their dreams as they see fit. Stop judging and start accepting.
Live and let live. You want to be understood and ask that people speak softly. They want to be understood and ask that people speak up. To best communicate with them speak loudly. You may ask that they be a little more quiet. Negotiate an agreement. Consider this.
Be The Person That Makes Others Feel Special
Some people walk either faster or slower than you do. Walk at their rate. Do it their way. Together you will find a rhythm. The same is true when speaking. Some speak faster others slower. If you are with a fast talker speed up a bit, with a slower one, slow down.
Why is this important to do? You learn to be more flexible and adjust and vary your behaviors. You learn to communicate with more people. Doing this takes you out of your comfort zone but eventually you become more comfortable doing things in a variety of ways.
It will help you learn better that we are the same while different. Whatever color, gender, nationality, religion or political ideology we are pretty much the same. We want mostly the same things and yet, we go about getting what we want differently. Our values may differ.
Be Known For Your Kindness And Grace
The more mentally and behaviorally flexible you are and the more you can accept others for whom they are and the more successful you can be. The more ways you have to understand people the greater your chances for creating understanding with more people.
Most people are trying to do the best they can with the cards they feel they have been dealt. Many don’t realize it can be different. They only see from their conditioned point of you. If you can get beyond your conditioning you can have greater success with others.
Treat people the way you want to be treated but also they way they want to be treated. If you cultivate a deep appreciation for others that works wonders too. The more you are grateful the more the world opens up for you. You radiate an energy that attracts others.
Your Greatness Isn’t In What You Have It Is In What You Give
When you are positive and filled with gratitude deep within you can stop telling others how to live. You can allow and accept others for who they are. This gives you immense freedom too. You are free to let them be who they are and you are free to be yourself.
Live, laugh, learn and love. Fill yourself with delight. Be more willing to laugh with people and let hurts and daily jostles roll off of you. Let it all go. Don’t laugh at people but with them. Be grateful. Enjoy everyone. A stranger is merely a friend you haven’t met yet. Have fun. Celebrate everything!” Rex Sikes
Have a good today.
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Photo used with permission of Phil Koch.
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