Wanting Without Manipulating: How To Create Win/Win Outcomes


“You have wants. Other people have wants. How do you get what you want while they get what they want? This is the big question. Zig Ziglar is famous for saying ‘You can get anything you want if you just help enough people get what they want.’ It is true and it works!

The points to keep in mind are you have your want and others have theirs. If you both can get what you both want, or a significant part of each, then you both can win. If you both win you both are pleased you keep the relationship intact and can both win together again.

Create win/win outcomes that is your goal. First let us reframe a word that is difficult for people. The word is manipulate. There is nothing wrong with manipulation. Manipulation means to move from one place to another. You manipulate your car while driving.

 It’s Not Your Way Or My Way Together Let’s Find The Best Way

It is a less than glorious notion when applied to making people do things they wouldn’t want to do. I agree. If you engineer it so people aren’t served, so the outcome isn’t with their best interest in your heart then it isn’t a good thing. And manipulation can be good.

So let’s not be concerned with the dark aspect of this word as long as your intentions and purpose are to create a positive win for the other.  Just be certain you aren’t deceiving yourself into thinking you are doing it for them when you are really doing it just for yourself.

Be honest and clean with yourself. If you want your child to do homework because ultimately it benefits them you may manipulate them in some positive fashion. You may offer a reward. If it also allows you some relief and quiet time then you both win. Get it?

You Can Be Right And Alone – Or Together In A Good Relationship

You both should win. Your interests are important and so are theirs. The more you can make both parties benefit and be happy the better off you both will be. You will become known as a person of integrity and great value if you act with integrity and provide great value.

If you are pure in your heart and wish and work for the best for everyone you will win. If you give only to get and don’t care how you give or what you give but only want to serve yourself that ultimately reveals itself. You can’t hide true motives for very long. We leak info.

People can read each other. We feel it when something is off. We radiate and broadcast who we are everyday, all day. We can’t hide it. People can attempt to mask it, but eventually they are exposed in some fashion. It will definitely bite you on the ass at sometime.

Conflict Cannot Continue Without Your Participation – Let Go

Develop a genuine giving nature. It will come with practice. Give. Donate your time, energy or money to a worthy cause. Get involved. Little by little, just as with any habit, you will develop a giving muscle. Give happily. No one wants to be forced to give. Give what you can.

Don’t give and regret. Give and celebrate. Tiny steps at first if necessary. Practice negotiation. I am not suggesting you give away the farm when you work together with others. I am stating you need to find areas of agreement where you both are delighted; satisfied.

When it comes to adding value think absolutely knock your socks off customer service! Think wow how can I go above and beyond anyone else and make my customer (or relational partner or friends) fabulously delighted? WOW them and you win them! It is good biz!

 Blessed Are Those Who Can Give Without Remembering …

It is also good practice for family, friends and strangers. Go that extra mile that no one else will. Do it in your job, in all of  your relationships and in all areas of your life and you will benefit. Just do it for them, because you believe they deserve it and you enjoy it.

You deserve to get too. Remember that. You win and they win. They win and you win. That is your purpose for communicating and negotiating. Always leave them better off than before they met with you. And as in show business, ‘Always leave them wanting more!’

Get it. I hope so. Again, a major point. If you, make it a point, to celebrate all the people in your life you will feel much better. Even, and especially the challenging ones. Think, they are there for a reason. They’re there to help you grow and evolve as a person.

… And Blessed Are Those Who Can Take Without Forgetting

It doesn’t have to be true to be useful. It may be a reframe but utilize it for your benefit. Be grateful for the lessons learned. Be grateful for the challenges to grow stronger and wiser. Be grateful for the opportunity. Be grateful and enjoy. Delight and appreciate.

You are better off and move forward as you do. It will help you to create win/wins. Serve yourself and serve others. Then they are more apt to return in kind to you. It is the Law of Reciprocity in action. Give and get; get and give; joyously. Your life will transform. Celebrate everything!” Rex Sikes

Enjoy today!

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Photo used with permission of Phil Koch.

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