Guidelines For Getting Along With Others While Talking

horizons-time-flies-phil-koch

“Here are a few tips and principles that will help improve you ability to connect and communicate with another person. Stay open and positive. Don’t label the other person as a poor or bad communicator.  Don’t judge them that only makes things worse.

Assume you are missing the point rather than judging them. Take responsibility for listening better. Blaming them won’t help. If you change what you are doing it might. Stay open.  Assist them in being clearer. With your help you may create better understanding.

Everything depends on your intent as a communicator. Are you seeking to understand or ridicule. If you make judgements and insist they change to suit you it actually inhibits the process. You shut down and it is more difficult for them. Don’t let emotions get in way.

Not Everyone Thinks The Way You Think Or Knows What You Do

Make it easier for the listener.  Help the communicator be clearer if able. Ask simple questions politely to help them clarify their points. Gently and patiently bring it out of them. Elicit it gradually. Take responsibility for making the process go nicely for both of you.

A frame you can adopt to help you is to assume they don’t know any better. They can’t help but do it the way they are doing it. It isn’t their fault and they aren’t bad. It is just the way it is. Imagine helping a small child to do something well. Encourage them along.

The goal in communicating is to build a bridge between parties. It is to learn to speak the other person’s language rather than insisting they speak yours. While it might be nicer if they did it your way be the bigger person and adapt to them. Be flexible. Be a chameleon.

Not Everyone Believes What You Believe Or Acts As You Act …

Change what you are doing so you can get along with more people. If you only have one way of doing something you are limited in the number of people you can influence. If you adapt and help make the process enjoyable you win more friends. Make them feel at ease.

Help them feel comfortable speaking with you and they will want to do it again. Make gentle and direct eye contact. Listen intently and once in a while repeat back to them what they said so they know you are listening. Do the same if you want them to be clearer.

Repeat and ask them what is meant. Always be polite and respectful. Nod and ‘uhhuh’ or say ‘yes’ also once in awhile. Don’t stare. Talk less and listen more but don’t be completely silent looking like you are in trace. Engage, be appealing. Smile, encourage them to talk more.

Remember This And You Will Get Along With A Lot More People

Ask questions but don’t interrogate. Don’t ask so many they feel they are being put to a test. Give them some room to be themselves. Often it is best to sit next to them than opposite them. Or sit t the corner of a table rather than across from each other.

I’ll share more as we continue. For now implement what you learn. Action is the proper fruit of knowledge. Expect to have a nice time. Mentally shower them with love or gratitude or peace. Your outer behavior does reflect your inner behavior, whether it is positive or negative, so keep it positive. Enjoy communicating and celebrate everything!” Rex Sikes

Celebrate with friends today!

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Photo used with permission of Phil Koch.

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