What To Do When You Really Disappoint Yourself!

horizons-thorns-phil-koch

“Have you ever let yourself down? Have you ever disappointed yourself? Have you ever done the exact opposite of what you intended to do? Did you ever say, ‘I won’t do that’, only to then do it. I sure have. Countless times. Sometimes, too often.

So what to do when you behave less than gloriously or even badly. You can accept it. Accept that you aren’t perfect. Accept that there are times when you don’t do as you intend. Accept, forgive and love yourself anyway. You aren’t perfect stop pretending to be. Let it go!

Far too often we are harsh on ourselves because we think we should be further along than we actually are. You can see this a lot watching people learn a new sport or activity. They get frustrated because they think it should be easier than it is. They loose patience. I have.

Accept What Is – Let Go Of What Was – Accept All – Allow All

Have you ever done this? I do it all the time. Own it. Live up to it. We take golf swings, throw basketballs, play music on an instrument and get mad when we don’t perform correctly. Knock it off. Stop thinking  you are better than you are. Accept mistakes. Laugh it off instead.

We want to be perfect. We expect perfection even if we think we are a loser. There is no end to how we can criticize and blame ourselves. We will rag on ourselves coming and going if we could. Right? It is time to learn a new way of being don’t you think? You can, you know.

So accept. Let go. Forgive, truly and love yourself even though you aren’t perfect. Love yourself. Then learn. Extract the lesson from the situation. What could you have done differently that would have been more resourceful, productive, beneficial, co-operative? Ask.

Accept The Rainy Days Accept The Storms They Are Part Of Life

Ask of yourself and listen silently for the answer. Examine and reflect. Don’t judge. Stop criticizing. Listen to what you might have thought, felt, said, or acted differently that may have made a difference. Learn from this. Decide to not do the old behavior again.

Intend to be the new way. You may and it might take many practice attempts or slip ups until you finally ‘get it’ and do it or live it. Do you understand this? Repetition is the mother of skill. You made the old way a habit, now you need to be patient while you make a new one.

New habits can take time. So be prepared to love yourself through it. Accept yourself. Keep moving forward as best you are able. You can critique your behavior but don’t criticize yourself for screwing up. You do what you do in the situation and perhaps next time do better.

You Don’t Need To Be Accepted By Others – Accept Yourself

Take the pressure off yourself. This doesn’t give you license to do the old behavior, especially if it involves others, but it gives you permission to be human. Humans make mistakes. Humans don’t always do everything perfectly. It is okay! You did what you did.

If it involves others and you need to apologize do so. Own up. Take responsibility. Learn to communicate more effectively. Build bridges instead of burning them down. I have burned some bridges and in most cases it only hurt me more. Respect others and respect you.

Some times you examine the situation and discover there was nothing you could have done that would have made any difference. You can’t change the physicality of it. Then accept it. If you can change your response to it change your response!

Mistakes Are Part Of Life If You Don’t Make Them You Don’t Learn

When you can’t change an event change your response. Instead of trying to change other people change yourself. You are in the driver’s seat of your mind and your life not in charge of world events or other people’s minds and lives. Let go of trying to control things.

Accept that the ‘crappy event’ was a blessing to learn and evolve from. It may take time to see how but allow for it. I have done things long ago and not so long ago that I may be ashamed of. I have hurt people with my words or provoked others unnecessarily.

I have given the finger to unsuspecting drivers on the road. We all have things we aren’t proud of or that we sometimes do that surprise us. Even when everything is going exceptionally well. Don’t let one act ruin the record of good days. It is like quitting smoking.

Welcome Challenges Every Situation Is An Opportunity To Learn

If you slip up and have a cigarette don’t stop quitting because you had one. Stay quitting. Okay, you slipped up. Pick yourself up, dust yourself off and go on. Keep to the program. Get it. Some people abandon everything because of one mistake or slip up. Don’t.

Do stay the course. Keep growing and evolving and living and laughing. Get back on track when derailed. Forgive yourself, forgive others, allow it to be. Accept it as opportunity. You don’t have to know all the answers or the ‘whys’ and reasons.

You may want to but most of everything is a big mystery. Why, heck I don’t know, simply because. Why is what we learned to ask as a child and we keep doing it. The answers aren’t much better as we get older. It just IS! Accept what is. Learn to go with the flow. Allow.

Keep Going Don’t Quit Just Because You Made A Mistake – Persist

Give and receive. Receive grace. receive joy. Receive love. Receive forgiveness. Receive peace. Receive awareness. Give these and more in return. Learn to be grateful. It hurts when things go wrong, or the apple cart is upset, but get over it. Take your time if you need.

Learn that if you love and accept and respect yourself. If you allow and accept what is. You can do the same for others. Whether they return it or not you can still do it. In many cases they won’t return it.

What if you changed for the better yet the rest of the world remain the same? How would you enjoy it? It would be completely up to you then wouldn’t it? It would, right. Everyone else is the same but you chance. Guess what, that is how it already is. You transform.

Forgiveness Is Something You Do For Yourself To Forgive Is Divine

Don’t concern yourself with other people’s personal evolution. Live and let live. When you disappoint yourself imagine you counsel a young person you love. What loving, kind words would you say? What might the child like to hear? What might the child need?

Okay, live and lough and laugh. Feel gratitude even when things go awry. I am always reminded of Jesus, whether you believe it or not, the story is he asked forgiveness for his tormentors while he was in torment. He didn’t wait until all was good, he did it while suffering.

Whether true or a story I think it is a great example. Forgive others and forgive yourself even while in the midst of turmoil. Even when nothing changes in the circumstances. Forgiveness isn’t FOR the other person, it is for YOU. It is for your transformation.

Love Yourself For Who You Are – Friend Yourself – You Deserve To

Transform. You aren’t perfect. You may never be. Accept the good and the not so good as you do the day and the night. Judgement is what makes something acceptable and unacceptable. Yes, there are ways we treat others that may be either. Know which is which.

Live with imperfection. Enjoy being human. Don’t expect to be superhuman or perfect. Don’t live in delusion. Life CAN be great and YOU CAN make your dreams come true THAT isn’t fantasy. Utopia or utopian like perfection is deluded. You can live enlightened.

Be enlightened while the world is as it is. So give yourself room to make mistakes and to correct them. Accept yourself for not being perfect. be grateful for the opportunity to learn, change, correct and continue on. Be thankful for all and celebrate everything!” Rex Sikes

Make the most of each moment!

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Horizons photo used with permission of Phil Koch.

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