Category Archives: Forgiveness

Do This Since You Can’t Change The Past

“Have you harmed someone in your present? What can you do to make things better? Have you harmed anyone in the past; physically, emotionally, mentally, spiritually? Has someone harmed you? To take care of yourself and move forward you must make some changes.

You cannot go back and change the past. You can however make amends to yourself and others for past wrongs. You can forgive yourself and forgive the others. If they are no longer alive you can release them in your heart and mind. You can change yourself.

Having learned from past mistakes you can change your present behavior for the better. By genuinely doing this you can move forward with a clean conscience. You do whatever you can to correct the situation. You take the actions you can to make things better.

If You Want Your Life To Change You Must Make Some Changes

You release and let go. You forgive yourself for hurting others and yourself. You forgive and let go of others for hurting you. Then having released the persons, the memories and feelings, you can learn the lessons you need to learn from having gone through this.

Ask yourself what you needed to learn from this experience? What is the positive good you get from the lesson of that situation? Discover it and  you can begin to appreciate everything.  Instead of suffering, you let go and begin to move forward positively.

You can begin to create an whole new future. You re-create yourself in light of the positive lessons you glean from the undesirable circumstances back then. Leave the past in the past. Free your mind from any uneasiness. Free your heart. Resolve to do better.

Always Do What You Always Did You’ll Always Get What You Got

Apply the positive lesson and you will do better. Be positive. Learn to feel good. Be grateful. Consider your learning an opportunity and blessing.  You can change how you feel about any circumstance and person by changing what you choose to focus on. It is always up to you. Celebrate everything!” Rex Sikes

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How You Can Get Free From The Past

“Do you live with regret? Are you bothered by ‘if only’ thinking? If only it had been different or if only I had did something differently? Many people are victims of the past. They keep past wounds and disappointments alive in their present. They don’t get past the pain.

Do you do this? If you do, you can be helped. It is time to get present. In the present you can be free from the pain of past and free from the worry about the future. You don’t have to remain the same. You can change, you can release and you can transcend.  So how to do it?

Forgive! Forgive yourself and let it go. You did the best. You can learn from it. You can get the lesson and let the pains go away. Release it. Forgive yourself and forgive others too. You can do this. What lesson did you need to know? What have you learned since?

Can’t Change Past Circumstances But You Can Change Yourself

Forgiveness isn’t about letting anyone off the hook, it is about relieving yourself of past negative experiences. It allows you to let go of the burden you have carried. It means you realize you are not at fault. Nor is anyone else. You release all obligation to the past.

Instead of carrying the hurt from back then, you live free in the now. You turn your attention from what was to what is. It is a new day. It is a new moment. You can live totally free. Pay attention to the good things right now. You can enjoy life in all its goodness, today.

Become willing to forgive. Practice forgiving. Caste your burden on the divine, god, the universe, your higher self or power, so that you can go free. Think, ‘I am willing to forgive.’ As you become aware of this you will find yourself thinking, ‘I can forgive’. Then, ‘I forgive.’

If You Think You Can Or You Think You Can’t You Are Correct

Let go of ‘then’. Experience today, free from guilt, shame, anger, negative or traumatic memories. Live for today. Find the peace you deserve. Find the love and joy you deserve. Realize that bad things help us grow stronger. Learn the lessons. Apply the learning! Let go. Help others. Discover the blessings. Release and celebrate everything!” Rex Sikes

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How To Share Transformation With Loved Ones

Have you ever noticed that some of the people closest to you rain the most on your parade? They just don’t get where you are at. They may be very negative and think you are weird. They don’t get your new attitude or practices. They think you have lost it! Right?

Have you anyone like that in your life? You have transformed and experienced tremendous growth and feel on top of the world, moving forward, but some around you want to hold you back. Well, guess what. Most people don’t like change. They want to keep you!

They like or love you and if you change then what?  They want the same ole person they’ve always known. Can’t blame them really, our brains work to keep us the same too. Remember, your inner thermostat always works to keep it at the setting. People do too.

To Be Loved Be Willing To Love And Accept Others As They Are

Sad, but true. That is just the way it is.  We have changed and probably want to share with them and have them celebrate with us. What to do? When we try they get weird and tell us we are not the same person. They may say it nicely or not. What to do? Right?

First forgive them. Let it go. No matter how difficult it seems, let it go. Accept them as they are. You have changed they may or may not have. Allow them to be them and let it go. As for sharing your new found delights keep some things in mind. No one likes pushy.

We have an opportunity to help people who may be in need of what we know that can transform their lives. Isn’t that awesome? You want to share it. Just remember, not everyone wants to hear it or is ready to hear it. You heard it when you were ready, and not before.

You can’t Correct Your Mistakes By Pointing Out Other’s Mistakes

When the disciple is ready the master appears. You can lead a horse to water but you can’t make it drink. Our only responsibility is to lead. Be an example. Walk the talk.  When they are ready then maybe they will seek out what you have. Otherwise, let them be.

When they are ready they will find their path. Meanwhile love them. Bless them. Encourage them. Inspire them. Motivate them, but do not be evangelical. Don’t try to convert or convince. Don’t insist, don’t beg or complain. Let them be who they are.

Prepare a banquet and those who are hungry enough will come. Those who don’t, don’t. Those who come to the banquet may sample and enjoy certain things but not enjoy everything. Some won’t try much, but will eat the foods they already like.

Accept People As They Are Not How You Want Them To Be

Some will explore. Some will skimp. Some will feast. Some will eat and run. Others may stick around for awhile. IT is all good. Whatever it is, it is. Don’t make people conform to you. Allow them to be who they are each moment. Learn to accept. Learn to not be bothered.

Let your light shine. Don’t talk a lot about it to people who aren’t ready to listen. Let your light do your talking, instead. That is more than enough. Be known by your fruits and actions rather than your convincing words. Lead by example. Let your love be an example.

Don’t try to sell or persuade people into being different, but invite them. Then it is up to them whether or not they accept the invitation. Sometimes, if you don’t say anything about your changes they get curious and pester you. They really get curious.

Some Things Are A Mystery Not To Be Solved But To Be Enjoyed

They want you to reveal what you are doing that works and why what they’re doing doesn’t. Wait for the invitation, the request to explain. Then keep it simple and be brief. Don’t overload them with information and procedures. Let them extract it from you bit by bit.

When they are ready to explore more fully they will and you will have been a supportive person standing by with encouragement not someone nagging them to be different from who they presently are. Accept them.  Love them. Allow them to be as they are.

Forgive them. Forgive yourself, and accept what is as it is. It is all a blessing. Live fully and then like moths to the flame, people will want to know what you have that makes the difference. Yes, you can help them. Share it. Don’t push it. Celebrate Everything!” Rex Sikes

Allow and let go today!

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If You Accept It Can You Still Change It?

“So, if I accept what is, does that mean I am stuck with it? Am I giving up if I accept the circumstances? It seems like I am surrendering rather than moving forward? If you have these or similar thoughts you are not alone. Many people wonder what to do and how.

What is IS what is. That’s the way it is. There is no changing that. It IS! You must understand this. You may want it different but it is what it is. Can you accept that? Can you accept the notion that it is what it is and that is all there is. There is nothing else at this moment. It IS!

So, accept it. It won’t help to fight it. You will be going up against the entire universe by resisting it. So stop. Accept it. Recognize that is what is. NOW, having done that it doesn’t mean you can’t do things to change it. First, accept that it couldn’t be otherwise.

The Best Way To Be Grateful Is To Accept Everything

You got what you got! Consider this. You get back what you are not what you want. According to the Law Of Attraction, you attract what you presently are. You get more of the same. Like attracts like. I use the the mirror example. If you frown you don’t reflect smiles.

You get back frowns. If you first accept, if everything is a blessing, then blessings are what you get back in return. If instead, you feel needy, or need something else, then you attract back need. If you resist you attract or create more resistance. So go with the flow.

Get it? Go with what is and accept it. If you have preferences of how it might be otherwise that isn’t the same as having a need or fighting it. Can you understand this? If you think, ‘I’d like to have more fun now’ and you become fun. Then you will get more fun back.

Everything Is Going To Be Great It May Not Seem Like It But It Is

Get it? Become what you want to receive! Accept that your actions are part of this process.  Don’t resist, because what you resist persists. Instead you allow. Accept. Receive.  Invite. Think. ‘I am bigger than my problems. These are there as a blessing.’

Obstacles are an opportunity for you to grow and evolve and develop in ways you would not otherwise do if they weren’t here The reason most people have problems is because they fight them. Embrace problems as blessings, allow them and accept them.

Then you will transcend them. You’ll find an entirely new way of being when everything is a blessing. When every moment is a gift, when every second is a joy, that is when your life is truly magnificent and incredible. You are invincible and unstoppable.

You Manifest And Create What You Want Whenever You Want

Some people mistake surrender and think it means giving up or giving in. I am not suggesting withdrawal or lack of action. You can swat a mosquito if you must. Surrender means understanding that this is the way things are, there may be a reason, or maybe not.

BUT this is how it is right now. You can take action and do whatever you feel inspired, led or intuit to do and move forward. Simply don’t be wedded to the outcome of having to manifest a certain absolute way. Allow for whatever to happen to happen. Get it? Allow!

Not resisting means you do not push back. You don’t fight it. You can take action without fighting. If you are traveling with the current in a canoe you can use the current to steer where you want to go without stopping the current. You go with the flow while steering.

You Always Go Where Your Thoughts Take You

The analogy may not be perfect, but hopefully it helps make the point. If you consider everything a blessing and opportunity you get to work on things and act on things you otherwise wouldn’t. That is a gift! You can create and attract too at the same time. Don’t fight!

Allow. Go with the flow while steering it in positive ways. Be grateful. Fill yourself up with passion and enthusiasm. Delight in everything and you will be attracting and creating more of it for yourself. You will be transforming everything when you celebrate everything!” Rex Sikes

Be yourself today!

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How To Overcome Shock And Disappointment

“Letting go means dropping it. Don’t seek revenge. Seek to solve and uplift. Consider that every thing happens for a reason and this happened to serve you. It happened so you could get free. Whether ultimately, this is true doesn’t matter. It is a reframe you can use.

Consider it a blessing. An opportunity to learn from and evolve. Be thankful it happened to bring your awareness to what you might change. Accept yourself and your situation as what is. It is what it is. You either embrace it or resist it. What you resist persists.

Find the silver lining. And ask yourself are you capable of giving out some unconditional love? My guess is, an eruption or disruption stems from boundary violations, expectations, restrictions and limitations and not because we are loving unconditionally.

When You Let Go You Create Space For Something Better

When my daughter, my first, was born. I fed her. Held her. I changed her. I bathed her. She couldn’t say thanks. She couldn’t return anything. I did it because I knew it helped her feel good and met her needs. I loved being able to serve her. I remember her birth.

My first thoughts were how blessed and lucky I am. I was given this incredible gift, I thought, ‘I want to love you and accept you as much when you are 16 and telling everyone what an asshole your dad is, as I do right this moment.’ I was head over heels in love. I still am.

As an infant if she cried all night, I held her and decided I was there for the long haul. This was my opportunity. I loved being a dad. So what about when she was 16? It was much harder than I thought it would be because I now expected her to act in certain ways.

You Only Lose What You Cling To – Stop Clinging And Let Go 

I loved her even more but found I placed conditions or expectations on her all the while she was growing up. I did the same with my son. I didn’t realize this was occurring until something upset the apple cart. My goal has always been to get back to unconditional love.

So whenever crap happened I had a yard stick when I became aware of my old habits and programming. Was I behaving in loving ways or exasperating the situation? Was I judging or allowing? Was I labeling or loving? Sometimes, I wasn’t loving. I had to accept and let go.

My desire, my goal, is to remember always, my children are gifts to me. Regardless of what they do or don’t do, give or don’t give, they are incredible blessings in my life that I am thankful for. It isn’t about what they do or don’t. It is about me being blessed and aware of it.

Train Yourself To Find The Blessing In Everything 

Sometimes, my personal agenda causes other people pain. If I am aware, I do what I can to correct it. When I am not aware, I find I blame others. I really don’t want to do that, but sometimes I do. I prefer to take 100% responsibility and change myself instead.

It can be painful to encounter ourselves. We make mistakes. I still do. Whenever possible forgive. Ask for forgiveness, accept, embrace, and make amends. When not, forgive, ask for forgiveness, accept, embrace and learn from mistakes. Let go and improve yourself.

A few blog posts back I suggested showering yourself with unconditional love. I suggest you do that again and again. Also, do it for your loved ones, your friends, even strangers and enemies. It makes a big difference in how you go through the world. Find silver linings. Look at everything as a blessing and all of it can be. Celebrate everything!” Rex Sikes

Be easy on yourself today!

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Do This Now If You Want To Improve Everything More Quickly!


“Would you like to accelerate your personal development? Would you like to be free to enjoy more of all life has to offer? Would you like to feel at ease within yourself, and more comfortable at being you? Could you stand to love and accept yourself more?

The secret to being able to do that and to unlock wonderful things is to forgive yourself. Forgive yourself for anything and everything. Cut your self some slack. You made the best choices, at the time, with the information you had available. You did the best you could then.

Forgive yourself. Drop all feelings of not being good enough. You are good enough. Believe it. Forgive yourself and become free to love yourself.  Let go. If you did something that requires you to make amends and you are able to, do it, and move on. Forgive yourself.

Know Yourself And Be Powerful Accept Yourself And Be Invincible

If you can’t make amends, for whatever reason, the person is no longer living or you don’t know where on earth they are, forgive yourself. People do the best with what they have and what they know in any given moment. You have. You did. Forgive yourself.

Love yourself. Appreciate yourself for forgiving yourself. Appreciate yourself for becoming aware. Understand you are perfect even with perfections.  Cut yourself some slack! Give yourself permission to be who you are. Allow you to be you. Accept yourself. Love yourself.

Celebrate yourself. Be grateful for mistakes because they are the opportunity to learn and evolve. Be grateful for the good times. Be grateful for your body that has sustained you through these years. Be grateful for the people around you because they reflect you.

The Moment You Accept Yourself You Become Beautiful

You are reason to celebrate. You are the reason the universe sings and dances. God needs you as much as you need god. The universe rejoiced when you showed up. Celebrate and delight. Let go and let yourself smile more, laugh more, learn more and love more. Delight!

Think of a row of flowers. Each one similar to the next except different. Each one perfect in its own right. Each one flawed in some way. All growing together bending in the wind. Sun and rain on each. And each one simply being and doing what it is. Living and growing. Forgive yourself. Accept yourself. Love yourself. Celebrate yourself. Celebrate everything!” Rex Sikes

Have a blessed day!

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What To Do When You Really Disappoint Yourself!


“Have you ever let yourself down? Have you ever disappointed yourself? Have you ever done the exact opposite of what you intended to do? Did you ever say, ‘I won’t do that’, only to then do it. I sure have. Countless times. Sometimes, too often.

So what to do when you behave less than gloriously or even badly. You can accept it. Accept that you aren’t perfect. Accept that there are times when you don’t do as you intend. Accept, forgive and love yourself anyway. You aren’t perfect stop pretending to be. Let it go!

Far too often we are harsh on ourselves because we think we should be further along than we actually are. You can see this a lot watching people learn a new sport or activity. They get frustrated because they think it should be easier than it is. They loose patience. I have.

Accept What Is – Let Go Of What Was – Accept All – Allow All

Have you ever done this? I do it all the time. Own it. Live up to it. We take golf swings, throw basketballs, play music on an instrument and get mad when we don’t perform correctly. Knock it off. Stop thinking  you are better than you are. Accept mistakes. Laugh it off instead.

We want to be perfect. We expect perfection even if we think we are a loser. There is no end to how we can criticize and blame ourselves. We will rag on ourselves coming and going if we could. Right? It is time to learn a new way of being don’t you think? You can, you know.

So accept. Let go. Forgive, truly and love yourself even though you aren’t perfect. Love yourself. Then learn. Extract the lesson from the situation. What could you have done differently that would have been more resourceful, productive, beneficial, co-operative? Ask.

Accept The Rainy Days Accept The Storms They Are Part Of Life

Ask of yourself and listen silently for the answer. Examine and reflect. Don’t judge. Stop criticizing. Listen to what you might have thought, felt, said, or acted differently that may have made a difference. Learn from this. Decide to not do the old behavior again.

Intend to be the new way. You may and it might take many practice attempts or slip ups until you finally ‘get it’ and do it or live it. Do you understand this? Repetition is the mother of skill. You made the old way a habit, now you need to be patient while you make a new one.

New habits can take time. So be prepared to love yourself through it. Accept yourself. Keep moving forward as best you are able. You can critique your behavior but don’t criticize yourself for screwing up. You do what you do in the situation and perhaps next time do better.

You Don’t Need To Be Accepted By Others – Accept Yourself

Take the pressure off yourself. This doesn’t give you license to do the old behavior, especially if it involves others, but it gives you permission to be human. Humans make mistakes. Humans don’t always do everything perfectly. It is okay! You did what you did.

If it involves others and you need to apologize do so. Own up. Take responsibility. Learn to communicate more effectively. Build bridges instead of burning them down. I have burned some bridges and in most cases it only hurt me more. Respect others and respect you.

Some times you examine the situation and discover there was nothing you could have done that would have made any difference. You can’t change the physicality of it. Then accept it. If you can change your response to it change your response!

Mistakes Are Part Of Life If You Don’t Make Them You Don’t Learn

When you can’t change an event change your response. Instead of trying to change other people change yourself. You are in the driver’s seat of your mind and your life not in charge of world events or other people’s minds and lives. Let go of trying to control things.

Accept that the ‘crappy event’ was a blessing to learn and evolve from. It may take time to see how but allow for it. I have done things long ago and not so long ago that I may be ashamed of. I have hurt people with my words or provoked others unnecessarily.

I have given the finger to unsuspecting drivers on the road. We all have things we aren’t proud of or that we sometimes do that surprise us. Even when everything is going exceptionally well. Don’t let one act ruin the record of good days. It is like quitting smoking.

Welcome Challenges Every Situation Is An Opportunity To Learn

If you slip up and have a cigarette don’t stop quitting because you had one. Stay quitting. Okay, you slipped up. Pick yourself up, dust yourself off and go on. Keep to the program. Get it. Some people abandon everything because of one mistake or slip up. Don’t.

Do stay the course. Keep growing and evolving and living and laughing. Get back on track when derailed. Forgive yourself, forgive others, allow it to be. Accept it as opportunity. You don’t have to know all the answers or the ‘whys’ and reasons.

You may want to but most of everything is a big mystery. Why, heck I don’t know, simply because. Why is what we learned to ask as a child and we keep doing it. The answers aren’t much better as we get older. It just IS! Accept what is. Learn to go with the flow. Allow.

Keep Going Don’t Quit Just Because You Made A Mistake – Persist

Give and receive. Receive grace. receive joy. Receive love. Receive forgiveness. Receive peace. Receive awareness. Give these and more in return. Learn to be grateful. It hurts when things go wrong, or the apple cart is upset, but get over it. Take your time if you need.

Learn that if you love and accept and respect yourself. If you allow and accept what is. You can do the same for others. Whether they return it or not you can still do it. In many cases they won’t return it.

What if you changed for the better yet the rest of the world remain the same? How would you enjoy it? It would be completely up to you then wouldn’t it? It would, right. Everyone else is the same but you chance. Guess what, that is how it already is. You transform.

Forgiveness Is Something You Do For Yourself To Forgive Is Divine

Don’t concern yourself with other people’s personal evolution. Live and let live. When you disappoint yourself imagine you counsel a young person you love. What loving, kind words would you say? What might the child like to hear? What might the child need?

Okay, live and lough and laugh. Feel gratitude even when things go awry. I am always reminded of Jesus, whether you believe it or not, the story is he asked forgiveness for his tormentors while he was in torment. He didn’t wait until all was good, he did it while suffering.

Whether true or a story I think it is a great example. Forgive others and forgive yourself even while in the midst of turmoil. Even when nothing changes in the circumstances. Forgiveness isn’t FOR the other person, it is for YOU. It is for your transformation.

Love Yourself For Who You Are – Friend Yourself – You Deserve To

Transform. You aren’t perfect. You may never be. Accept the good and the not so good as you do the day and the night. Judgement is what makes something acceptable and unacceptable. Yes, there are ways we treat others that may be either. Know which is which.

Live with imperfection. Enjoy being human. Don’t expect to be superhuman or perfect. Don’t live in delusion. Life CAN be great and YOU CAN make your dreams come true THAT isn’t fantasy. Utopia or utopian like perfection is deluded. You can live enlightened.

Be enlightened while the world is as it is. So give yourself room to make mistakes and to correct them. Accept yourself for not being perfect. be grateful for the opportunity to learn, change, correct and continue on. Be thankful for all and celebrate everything!” Rex Sikes

Make the most of each moment!

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Horizons photo used with permission of Phil Koch.

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What You Need To Know About Negativity And Depression

horizons an-audience-of-one-phil-koch

“Do you sometimes feel change is hard? Have you felt overwhelmed at times? We all go through it at different points in our life.  Someone who read my blog elsewhere reached out saying ‘great post’ and ‘thanks’. He then described some personal history and how he worked hard to make changes. I thought I’d share my reply.

‘Thanks for speaking out. Yes, I agree there is a way to use doubts fears and negative feelings. The best way is as an alert signal that let’s us know something is amiss with our thinking and that we need to change it.

We need to re-aim it so we think and feel better. So whenever we feel less than glorious that is the body’s way of saying ‘hey change your thinking. stop thinking about what you don’t want and begin to think positive!’

If we were always contented with love and non-critical we would probably never change. Why would we if we are always satisfied. So dissatisfaction has a place too. The trick is learning to be dissatisfied without being cruel to ourselves or others.

To love and nourish, to nurture ourselves when times are good and not so good is important. It has been reported for sometime now, by researchers, that too much right brain activity may be the cause of depressive feelings.

Many artists, of all types, display right brained dominance or that tendency. Happiness is mostly a left brain function. It is literally what we say to our self and how we say it. The words and the tone. The left hemisphere is the seat of our ability to understand and speak language.

How we talk to ourselves is important. Unfortunately, many of us, have made less than glorious self-talk a habit. This does result in feeling less than glorious too. Monitoring and changing what we say is important to be able to change and feel better.

It is is a conditioning process. It requires mental exercise or practice similar to physical exercise or practice. That means replacing a bad chronic habit with a better, more productive habit.That takes effort but it can be done.

It takes consistent effort and dedication. It is simple but not always easy. Similar to exercise you have to do it repeatedly, for long enough, before you begin to see results and then keep doing it to further develop and then maintain the results.

A lot of people don’t realize how truly wonderful they are. They don’t appreciate how strong they are or how much they have already overcome. They should fully appreciate themselves for it.

I believe credit where credit is due. If you make a mistake, own up and at the same time forgive yourself. A mistake is just a mistake. Take it easy. Be gentle and compassionate. Never critical or harsh.

Anyone who suffers or has suffered from negativity and reports on it is already a winner! It means somewhere inside the person there is more than enough resourcefulness to get through it. There is a very strong and resourceful person to make it through the tough times.

This is great when you think about it! EVEN thought times have been incredibly difficult the person has been victorious. I hope that you, and others realize that. When you over come difficult times pat yourself on the back. Give yourself a hug and some praise.

If you attempted to overcome some difficulties but didn’t do so well at the time, give yourself a hug and some praise for trying. Encourage and nurture yourself along. This is very important. Say nice things to yourself. Make this a a habit.

The brain is very adaptable and can and will make changes. It may have wired in some old negative programming, depressive thoughts, anxious or fearful thoughts in the past, but those can be changed. They really can be changed. We don’t have to be held captive by the past or by our conditioning or by our genes.

Science has made some great strides forward. It takes time for the word to disseminate before enough people actually understand what the updates are. Research in neuroscience actually does point out that it is really true.

If you choose to think different thoughts, positive thoughts, even though it may seem tough, it is a choice you can make and force if you have to, it will make a large positive difference in time.You must do it again and again, by sheer force if necessary, as much as you can.

Think happy, positive, optimistic changes and you will re-wire the brain for more happiness. The brain is adaptable and responsive to this. Think happy thoughts speak happy thoughts. The reason most people don’t is because can be tough, or at least seems like it is.

Your brain can be re-wired! Talk to yourself nicely, all the time, that is the major way to start. Create nice supportive, positive self-talk and enjoy and celebrate everything. You have been victorious through difficult times.

As someone who is a victor, you can continue to move forward. While difficult at first it can get easier through time if you know what to do and then actually do it. People need to know that it IS possible to learn the knack of transforming less than glorious times more easily than they might think.

You have already done it. Be sure to take inventory of your talents, skills, abilities and resourcefulness in doing this. Appreciate yourself for accomplishing this. Add to it if you wish but know that you proven to yourself that YOU are able. I think that is marvelous.

Thanks for commenting and all the best wishes! Stay in touch if you like.'” Rex Sikes

Enjoy today!!

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Horizons photo used with permission of Phil Koch.

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When S#%T Hits The Fan! How To Handle Crisis And Difficulties

horizons beyond-the-hporizon-phil-koch

“Some times the excrement hits the fan. You hope it doesn’t but it does. From there it only seems to get worse. What do you do about it? Can you change things? What is the ‘enlightened’ approach. Some people think ‘this should not happen if I am a positive person!’ Well, should it?

I don’t know if it should or not. I only realize that it does. I say this from experience. Being a positive thinker makes everything better! It does! It truly does! There seem to be far fewer upheavals than otherwise, still things rock the boat from time to time. Perhaps, all the time, but most of them just don’t get to you.

I don’t think anyone should make a hard rule about it. Flexibility of mind and behavior is the key. Learning to control ones thoughts and feelings brings immense power and positive transformation in so many wonderful ways. It doesn’t matter if things get messed up once in a while. You learn and evolve through everything if open to it!

Stuff Happens Get Over It

I believe everything is an opportunity to learn, to grow, to shed old ways if we are alert to this and aware as it happens. We can learn from trials and difficulties and can even be grateful they push or prompt us to be different. Is it planned, predestined, calculated, or random happenstance? That’s  up to each of us to decide for ourselves.

Some get great comfort in assuming there is a divine plan  for their life. And it may be OR it may not. I think everything is perfect whether or not anyone or anything pulls the strings. It is what it is. Accept it, get over your complaints about it, suck it up if you have to. Learn from it. Learning from it IS what we can do that is useful!

It is what it is! It was what it was! Evolve and move forward. This blog is always my opinion since it is my blog. I may share my perception of other’s opinions but I am sharing my thoughts and learning and understanding from my perspective, whether or not I ever say I think or believe. You understand that, alright?

I don’t claim to have final ways for how you or anyone should act. It is always up to us to make our own decisions for ourselves. What I hope to do with this blog is share approaches I know work from decades of using them on myself, with others and from studying what has worked for people throughout the centuries.

Learn To Go With The Flow

Without going into immense detail, the past few days have been immensely blessed. There have been what some might call high highs, great accomplishments and forward movement. There have been multiple difficulties during the same time. Sometimes, that is how life seems to go. Again, maybe that is how it always is.

I don’t try to find assigned reasons for things but extract my own reasons for what I can do. I’ll explain more as we go along. I am discussing Friday. I write the blog during the early am hours Saturday so you get an idea of how this operates. The day began with an argument with a loved one. I didn’t want to have but did.

I reacted to some things.  A response would have been more appropriate. I could say I was tired, things had gone on in a particular way and I wanted to be done with it. I can point at numerous ways to interpret my behavior or the other person’s or the circumstance but the bottom line is my reaction made me party to an ensuing argument. The argument was significant.

Had I been more aware and responded differently, it may not have been the issue it was. Looking at it afterwards I examined it and realized I could make some other choices. I have vowed this won’t happen again. I looked at how else I might handle the situation more productively.

What You Resist Persists

What is it that I can change in me, and my thinking and doing, that would preempt it, stop it, from getting out of hand? I don’t want to blame the other party. I could. I could make it about them changing or the circumstances changing , or what we could do together differently, but at this moment, I only have my actions to examine.

I take responsibility because it does take two to have an argument. So how, and what, can I do differently to help make situations like that better? What do I, can I, and have I learned from this argument that can be of benefit for the future? If I expect the other party to change that will only ensure nothing changes.

Not because the other party doesn’t have responsibility but by putting conditions on anyone other than myself, and expecting another person to do something different would be setting myself up for disappointment. This seems to be what we do much of the time. We want others to be different, the world to be different.

When they aren’t, and it isn’t, we get bent out of shape. At least, I have. People who try to control the world and others usually end up miserably frustrated. It isn’t worth it. It is better for me to change what I can about me, than to attempt to change others. That should make sense. Hopefully, you have discovered the folly of this for yourself too.

The Only Person You Can Absolutely Control Is You

It is more important to me to become more flexible. I want to learn to be more resilient, and more resourceful to be able to handle situations that arise. It is more productive to change myself for the better than to hope or expect others to do it my way. I can hope and wish for things to turn out differently or I can make some positive changes for myself.

Work with what YOU CAN work with to make the adjustment. You CAN work on your self. You CAN’T work on others. Self is the starting place. Yes, you can negotiate with the other person and work things out. That is important too. Do what you can to get along, to have a win/win and settle things in positive ways. By all means, of course!

But when all is said and done, IF after that negotiations they don’t change, then YOU had better change, if you don’t want a repeat of that situation. If you get this point you get a lot? Change what you can about yourself. DO NOT expect the other person to change for you. If they do great. If they don’t great! That is what is. You change!

The buck stops here! The responsibility is mine. I don’t beat myself up or wallow about what happened even when sorry for what happens. I look at it and seek to discover what I can do differently to make it work out better for both of us. I hope I discover a win/win. If it is to be it is up to me and no one but me. SO I look to learn.

As Within So Without

Yes, I have repeated the same mistakes even after this examination. Remember, old habits can die hard. I seek to make new habits but in the mean time old challenging neural pathway routes, that are well entrenched, are firing while I endeavor to take a different path. Understanding this can bring great freedom.

It can also speed up the time in which you make changes and develop new habits. New insights and awareness leads to new changes in behavior AND yet you still have to repeat successfully the new behaviors often enough for them to become habit. Think of it this way. Driving a car becomes habit, right? You know this already.

You could learn to drive on a smooth, empty road and develop the habits for driving as you do. This is a given. Practice correctly long enough and habits take hold. You could also learn to drive on a horribly bumpy challenging road with tons or traffic comprised of horrible drivers. Either way you learn and make habit.

Conditions and circumstances will be whatever they are while you are learning new things. To expect the world to stop being the world and conform for you may be silly or it may be a great belief to have. OR it may be silly. You have to decide that. I find it useful to focus on what I can change and let the world be whatever it is.

As Above So Below

Sometimes I bristle at what is offered. Most of my life pain has come from resisting what the world offered. Once, I began to learn that it was up to me and my response to what was offered AND NOT WHAT ACTUALLY HAPPENS, life became far more incredible and enjoyable. Then I stopped trying to change the world and changed myself instead. This gives me so much more opportunity.

After the argument, other events unfolded.  I got injured. There were some big issues and problems but I won’t go into details as they don’t matter. It was frustrating, to say the least. I shouted out one major expletive, at one point, when I realized my entire day plans shifted.  My phone broke earlier, I had issues with my car, and I had an appointment that now began to appear unlikely.

I had a ADR session at Cinespace Studios in Chicago. For those who don’t know what this is, it means, I had to record some dialog to replace some lines in a feature film I acted in. I couldn’t reach the director and staff to let them know what went on or when I could now arrive. Eventually, I solved this and got an email through.

My morning appointment changed to mid afternoon, possibly, depending, on traffic. I had to leave. I bought a new phone prior to leaving but service never kicked in. I had no way to call the studio and let them know of delays, I couldn’t communicate with family, I had no GPS and now faced returning late in the evening instead of by mid afternoon.

We All Have An Incredible Opportunity To Learn To Be Better

There was a lot more going on that I am not reporting. I don’t mention any of this other than to point our, as we all already know, shit can hit the fan. It does.  Then I caught hold of myself. I took a deep breath! I didn’t like this at first, but had I survived the 80’s. Travel would be just fine.  In fact, everything would be fine.

I had let it spiral out of control for a little while. If truth be told, given the circumstances, I handled it far better than I would have years ago. My actions I was least please with involved the argument, so I sought to repair that prior to leaving. We worked it out which made us both feel better.  Still, I had been injured, and car problems.

I woke up! I woke up to the fact that all this was going on. Why? I don’t know? I don’t ask why. I am trying to point that out. Why doesn’t help me. What helps me is this: ‘Okay, this is as it is. What opportunity exists for me in the situation as it is? It is what it is. What can I learn? What do I need to learn?  How can I accept what is going on? What do I need to let go of? What is important and what is not?’

IN THAT MOMENT, as I ask myself questions and realize ALL is perfect, even when tumultuous, everything settles! I understand. IT does not matter what is going on ON the outside. It matters what is going on ON the inside! What matters is what I am thinking and feeling and whether I am responding or reacting. From within to without!

Transformation Occurs In An Instant

If I catch myself reacting I have an opportunity to respond. I CAN respond as I had reacted or I CAN respond differently. A choice point opens up because of awareness. It allows for a new and different decision to made. The opportunity arises to decide now, in this moment, to do things differently. Change! I CAN change!

Instead of being a victim to circumstances I take control of me. I accept what IS and I know that I can handle any circumstances life throws at me. There is the saying; ‘God won’t test you more than you are capable. Why does god think I am so strong?’ I don’t know or care if anyone is testing me. I know that when ‘tested’ I can make the difference when I take responsibility.

As I write this, I hope you realize this is not really about me. I am using my experiences as an example, that’s true. BUT I am attempting to focus on the process I have learned and not me the person. Any of us can do use this process. My main point is you can transform anything in a moment when you transform from within.

The world around may be tumultuous but you find calm and peace within. You may find confidence and strength, you may find a smile and delight. You might even think: ‘Okay bring it I can handle anything you bring’. When you think that way, YOU CAN handle anything. Your thoughts create your reality. If life hands you lemons you make lemonade by changing you attitude.

Power Comes From Making A Decision

Most of us try to change the circumstances. The circumstances are what they are. Change your thoughts first. Then whether or not circumstances change you will have. I can promise you this. First, change yourself so that you are in a more positive, confident, productive place and you have a better chance of helping the circumstances to improve. Otherwise, don’t count on it.

If circumstances don’t change you are still positive, confident and productive! Attitude determines your altitude. The drive to the studio was quite easy. It was relaxing and enjoyable. The parking guard and I chatted for awhile. I enjoyed him. The director, technicians and session, all good. I’m glad I got there to do it!

I left, chatted some more with guard. He noticed my new phone, still not working and recommend I get a case for it. We parted. I drove back. I got back late but not TOO late. The day went great. The drive was fine. It took longer than expected but I used the time to think and listen to inspiring audio. I learned a lot from all that happened. I also learned how to improve my relationship with a loved one.

I returned home and to my argument partner who surprised me by brining home a fabulous dinner from a classy restaurant! We hugged and enjoyed each other. All is good. It is what it is! Everything is and was perfect. You could assume it was all predestined or all haphazard. What matters most is what we take from it. Learn from it.

The Quality Of Your Decisions Determine The Quality Of Your Life

We can’t ever replace learning to improve. What we resist persists. The more flexible we are the more choices we have. The more choices the greater range of opportunity and to discover what works. If we only have one way of perceiving or one way of doing we will obviously be limited in what we can accomplish. Seek to be more aware.

Turns out my day was fabulous, I declare it. I learned an immense amount. I was challenged on numerous fronts. So what. I found my center and operated from it. Circumstances stayed what they were. I changed. It was what it was and it is what it is. I like days like this. Bring it! Bring more of them! I want to improve my relationships and live a marvelous life. Whatever helps me do more of that BRING IT!

Seek to be accepting, allowing, because it is when we allow, when we relax, when we let go, we can see more clearly what hampers us. As we learn better, how we can be different, we do need to implement what we learn and repeat it again and again to condition our minds, our feelings and our behaviors. We become aware, and then use it over an over to make the new learning habitual. Habits matter!

We evolve. We become more positive and as a result more capable. The more we do the MORE we are ABLE to do. I love this process of discovery and implementation. I love this life. I do! Even when it is rough at times. I think, if Job could endure I can. Bring it!

I will learn from it (eventually) and I will rise to meet any challenge. Ultimately I love and enjoy and celebrate my life. So bring it because I will transform!” Rex Sikes

Today is what you make of it!

If you like these posts please subscribe. If you think these posts would help others please share them. Help Spread the word. 

Horizons photo used with permission of Phil Koch.

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What Holds You Back? What You Can Do About It

Horizons staying-within-the-lines-phil-koch

“‘I appreciate the idea of staying positive. But I really struggle with the blind spot here. Children around the world are suffering and dying. They are not responsible for their situation.

This kind of “teaching” suggests there is some way those innocent children could have prevented the awful scenario we see played out in front of us. It’s not enough to turn the telly off and act like everything is ok. It’s not.

This teaching is about attaching to an idea and/or outcome, and that is the birthplace of suffering. Of course, in general terms, there is merit in being positive. Be happy.’ From Hugh

“Today, my blog post is my reply to this comment made yesterday. I included the comment above.  Of course, you can read it at the post page from yesterday too, along with others. Below is my answer, my opinion. My response.

Excellent points and questions. I am glad you raised them. Napoleon Hill stated he faced the very same concerns, deeply, when his son was born without ears or internal hearing apparatus.

No, no one is saying innocents are responsible for their condition. Life is what life is. In fact, until 7, 8,9 or 10, one could argue, children are mostly just programmed by adults, peers, and situations they grow up around and in.

What this teaching stresses is, if at some point, one is lucky enough to be exposed to it, one can learn to control their own thinking. A person can then work to overcome life circumstances and the conditioning they were brought up in.

Whether they do or not is up to them and no judgement should be made.

Some will yell that the underprivileged feel entitled and are lazy. That is not the case at all. Most people want to better themselves. And if there are some who do not that is their choice.

There are people at both ends of the wealth spectrum that benefit from entitlements. There are some wealthy who are lazy. No one is casting dispersion here, or at least I am not. Nor do I think the teaching does.

It could be said, if one wants to learn how to fish, this teaching will teach them. If some prefer to be fed, I have no problem with that. That is what charity and philanthropy and generosity and good will are all about.

Yes, there is suffering in the world. How one handles the suffering is an individual thing AND largely based on the life experiences and conditioning the person has had. I am no judge.

SO I cannot hold people accountable for their conditioning or their experiences or lack of them. If there is a creator, or divine intelligence, or whom or whatever, that is their domain not mine.

I can only share what I know. I know this. You can go through an experience thinking and feeling negative or thinking and feeling positive. One seems to work better than the other.

Positive thinking does not guarantee success, but makes it more likely than negative thinking. So for me, I choose to be positive. My life and world work better that way.

As for turning off television or turning a blind eye to troubles around the world I don’t think that is realistic. I don’t think being overly fixated on it serves anyone either.

With 24/7 news and bombardment in all media of negative messages AND really mostly ONLY negative messages, because that is what news is,

I say be enlightened and informed to local and world events. JUST don’t get caught up in the negativity.

Negativity is great for knowing what you don’t want or what you want to avoid or exclude. It informs you what you may want to leave behind.

Positivity tells you or informs you what you want to move toward, where you are going or headed, what you want to include or have more of.

Both are necessary. But we need one more than the other. IF you are being chased by a bear in the woods, let’s call this negative, you want to flee the bear, avoid it, leave it behind, not get eaten, and run to a safe place where you are safe and without fear or worry.

You must run with everything you have.

You can’t do that if you keep your eyes on the bear. You have to keep your focus on where you are running to, in front of you. You KNOW the bear is there but your focus is on safety.

The bear is a huge motivator to get there quickly.

In the same way, negativity informs us what we don’t want and can motivate us to get what we do want and more quickly if we use it.

Negative thoughts and feelings are part of life. Positive feelings are part of life too.

Where you spend most of your time determines the quality of your life. Two people born in poverty one exclaims, ‘that is it! I refuse to be poor ever again!’ and works to become rich.

The other says, ‘Wow cool, the rich life is for me! I want all that!’ and works to become rich.

Both are possible. My thought is spend most of your time being positive. It feels better, makes things easier and is more enjoyable.

To the extent you want to, evolve yourself, take control of your thinking and feeling, so you enjoy life more fully.

Help others, help make the world a better place. If you see a wrong, attempt to right it. Delight in and celebrate everything.

If there is a problem, examine it and then turn your attention toward a solution. We rarely accomplish anything by fighting hate with hate, violence with violence, anger with anger, racism with racism, poverty with poverty.

We need to focus on what we want to bring about and work to bring it about. We do that by maintaining our focus on what we want, what we want to include, what we want more of.

We continue to think positive and feel good because life is more enjoyable that way.

Still, it rains on the rich and the poor. Calamity and disaster and heartbreak visit both. How those are responded to and handled is up to the individual and no one, in my opinion, should fault any other human for how they handle difficulty.

Just always remember, night gives way to day, cold becomes warm, waves that have gone out return. This too shall pass. Life is cyclic.

In my world view, evolve yourself to be the best person you can be. Allow other to be who they are. Love lots and forgive much. Learn from adversity and less than desirable circumstances.

Our beliefs either support us and free us up to be, do and have anything we want or they constrain or limit us in some way. We need to learn to recognize when our own mindset is preventing us and change it if we so chose. We can if we believe we can.

If you have goals and dreams go after them, don’t wait. It is not likely others will get them and give them to you. You have to work for it yourself.

Learn to control your thoughts and feelings so you think the best and feel the best 80 or 90% of your time. Whether you have one life or multiple lives, right now is all you have right now!

Celebrate, delight and enjoy it for no reason other than – why not?

It is your life choose what you want to it to be and make it such. Have fun all along the way. Learn to not take things too seriously, relax, let go, play.

Suffering is a choice. Happiness is a choice. Both revolve around outcomes. OR neither have anything to do with circumstances.

Some people in the worst of circumstances are delightfully fulfilled and happy. Others have everything, it seems, yet suffer. Finding out how to best live our life is up to each of us.

My hope is that I have addressed the points and questions. I hope that you, I and others can learn to be grateful and celebrate more of what is available to us while we are here. Let us delight and enjoy it all!

Meanwhile, the best wishes, always in everything!” Rex Sikes

Today is your day!

If you like these posts please subscribe. If you think these posts would help others please share them. Help Spread the word. 

Horizons photo used with permission of Phil Koch.

NEW BLOG SITE LAUNCHES SOON – Do you get this blog emailed to you? You will have  to again subscribe to this blog, newsletter. I’d hate for you to miss anything when it switches. Subscribe and Follow Daily Inspiration and Gratitude!