“My recent blog was, what you can do if you shock or disappoint yourself? This one, examines what you can do if someone else, perhaps a loved one or friend, shocks or disappoints you. Guess what? What you do is really not that much different.
Stop. Take a deep breath. Let go. Sit with it. I know there is a tendency to blame the other person. It is a normal part of our prior conditioning to examine and complain about their behavior. We want to put it on them. Stop. This is an old habit pattern.
It is part of your brain’s ability to look for what is wrong. It looks for matches in our experience and finds what is wrong. Just stop. It won’t be easy. Shift away from blame and complaining to neutral. Take a deep breath. As long as you blame, you continue in the habit.
Accept What Is Let Go Of What Was Have Faith In What Will Be
In order to get free, explore what happens in you. What were you expecting? What did you hope and want? This is an opportunity for you to stop reacting and learn how to respond instead. Obviously, there is some trigger, some anchor in you that went off.
Whatever the catalyst, you reacted. Wouldn’t it be much nicer if regardless of the stimulus, you didn’t suck into it? The other does whatever they do and you remain centered, the eye of the hurricane. Examine this instead. What do they do that is a reflection of you?
Their behavior is a mirror of some aspect of you. Something you can let go of and change. Don’t blame yourself. Attempt to be open, available and don’t judge. Don’t judge or label them, what they do, yourself or, what you do as bad or wrong. It just is what it is.
Learn To Accept People For Who The Are – Let Go Stop Judging
Get it? You don’t want to over analyze this, either. You want to examine why you might react as you do. Whatever you find, let it go. Imagine how you can be free and how you would prefer to behave positively in the future. How could you respond differently?
How could you act more productively? How might you be more loving; compassionate? How might you be non-plussed and remain balanced? These thoughts help you to create a more wonderful future. Focus on what you want, not on the issues you have or had.
We’ll continue more the next blog. Meanwhile, find the blessings in your life and in your relationships. Delight in these. Accentuate the goodness. Focus on these blessings. Allow yourself to let gratitude well up inside you. Feel thankful. Celebrate everything!”Rex Sikes
Be easy on yourself today!
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Horizons photo used with permission of Phil Koch.
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2 thoughts on “What Can You Do When Someone Shocks Or Disappoints You?”
Hey Rex – I completely agree with most of this – but help me – my main disappointment is when people are late, or cancel at the last minute. I see it as a sign if disrespect to my time, which I value as I don’t have a lot of it.
If someone doesn’t want to do something, then why make plans, and cause other people to put aside time for them if they constantly cancel?
Thanks for commenting. I don’t disagree with you AND you said exactly it. ‘I completely agree with most of this BUT..’ It is the ‘but’ that causes the pain. When people are late or cancel you see it as a sign… I don’t disagree it can be a sign of disrespect. They might not value your time or they might be totally oblivious. Stop trying to read their intentions behind what they do and simply focus on you. Let go of whether they are disrespecting. So what if they are? It isn’t really your concern. Drop it.
Still, I get it. I have faced similar situations. The trick may be to understand that is who they are and how they act and love, forgive them anyway, and embrace this fact. Don’t let it bother you. OR decide and tell them it bothers you. Do so without blame or accusing but with love. OR decide not to do things with them and refrain from being with people who continuously repeat this behavior. You can still love and forgive. You can still accept without blame. You are simply preserving your energy.
If you realize it bothers you and lowers your energy or gets you upset then you don’t have to subject yourself to it.Let it gp amd let them go. It is what it is. You do what you do. My point is as long as it bothers you, if you are reacting, you aren’t free. Get free, however you must, but do so with love and positivity. Don’t make things work. Attempt to make things better. Focus on what you can do to live free, without it.
You might also examine why you think and feel the way you do. What is it about being later that bothers you and why? What beliefes are behind this. Even so, why should you get ruffled by what they do? Why do you allow yourself to be affected? How might you get free and allow anything or people to be what they are? Let go and go beyond whatever triggers it. Learn to have more choices and respond differently to similar situations. It is a part of conditioning – a knee kerk, an achor. They do that then I feel this every time. Pavlov’s dog and bell.
It happens until it no longer does. Decide if you want to continue to feel this way or have other choices too? It is completely up to you how you respond to how others behave. What would make your life more enjoyable? How could you find a blessing in all of this? What reframes might you use to think and feel differently about their being late? Instead of focusing on their lateness perhaps focus on the extra minutes you have to enjoy other things? It is all a mental game.Learn the many ways you can play it well.
I hope this helps. I understand. It has been a challenge for me. I seem to have always picked close friends who are chronically later and I am perpetually early. What is that about. I tended to blame them. Then I began to look at how it was that I ended up friends with so many who share this or these characteristics. I learned it is about what I do when they are late that is important more than it is about them. They are just being themselves. All the best.