You Will Never Be Happy Or Succeed Without Self Control

horizons may-i-reach-its-end-phil-koch

“We can exercise deliberate, intentional control of our thoughts, attitudes and feelings. This is wonderful news. Do you believe it? Hill’s philosophy of achievement is contingent on learning conscious control.

They same can be said of others thought leaders and ancient texts. If you don’t believe it is possible you will never come to know the power you could have because your thoughts prevent you. Get it?

Is that how you want to live? Prevented by a mental packet of energy? Thoughts are things. Whether true or not we take them seriously. We have feelings about them. We are stopped by them.

Either You Do Or You Don’t – There Is No In Between

They either inspire us and move us forward or we feel not so good, not so motivated or unable to do what we would like to. If we don’t believe it is possible or worth it we don’t do it. We stop ourselves.

Why on earth would we ever allow this to happen? Why don’t we choose better than we do?  Habit. Our habitual, chronic negative thinking keeps us stuck for as long as we don’t change it.

Our subconscious mind learns all sorts of things growing up. It neurologically wires in all of our behaviors, our beliefs and our attitudes. There is virtually nothing we didn’t learn from repetition.

Repetition Is The Mother Of Skill

We learned to roll over, sit, up, balance, crawl, walk, feed and dress ourselves through repeated trial and error. We weeded out extraneous movements that didn’t serve us and repeated those that did. We developed neural pathways. We wired the learning in!

We learned to speak listening to sounds over and over again. Then we babbled, repeatedly making attempts to talk until we did.  We learned our native language. We could have learned any language.

We learned our ABC’s by repetition. We learned printing and then cursive and then how to type on a computer through repetition. We learned to read by doing it over and over. Repetition builds skill.

Motivation Gets Us Started Commitment Keeps Us Going

We learned everything! We laid down pathways to become automatic so that today we walk and talk, dress ourselves, drive to work, write emails, checks, without having to even think about it.

We learned to think and act. We learned positive beliefs and attitudes. We learned negative beliefs and attitudes. Whether either are true or not we learned to have them. We believe many lies.

These were formed through input not whether or not they were right or wrong, true, false, correct or valid. It didn’t matter whether they were destructive or constructive. We learned them anyway.

It Is Not About Perfect It Is About Effort

We act from and live from old ways of thinking and behaving which may or may not be true at all. We adopted what we think we can do and what we think we can’t do from those around us while young.

We adopted the limitations from others. We learned a lot of negative, limited  thinking. We learned to habitually, chronically, automatically, in a friendly way, to carry those out. We live by them.

These are our thinking and feeling patterns, our beliefs, attitudes, actions, inaction, good and not so good habits. Our brain learned to do these things. It does them to help us run efficiently, automatically and to stay alive. It works for us on our behalf. It is awesome!

These things are the only things it knows to do.

It does not care whether the patterns or habits it learns are positive or negative, good or bad, healthy or unhealthy, rich or poor. It doesn’t judge anything. It doesn’t have that critical faculty.

When You Apply The Effort Every Day – Transformation Happens

Our conscious mind is the seat of judgement. When we say the subconscious is sabotaging us it really isn’t. It is being most helpful. It is doing what it learned to do. It is serving us. It is our friend.

Because we can assess and judge, and decide we want something else, we declare it is doing opposite.  So we label it as resistance or sabotaging. We criticize ourselves for what we learned.

In reality it is truly our friend. We just don’t like what it learned to do. If we re-train it, re-condition it, it will serve us positively in the same friendly, reliable, automatic, habitual way. AND we’ll enjoy it.

Your Past Does Not Have To Equal Your Future

Consider a wild stallion. It runs free in the wild. Grew up free and does its own thing. The horse person now wants to ‘break’ the stallion so it can be ridden and be a productive domesticated animal.

The horse doesn’t ever try to sabotage the rider. The horse only does what it learned to do. Once ‘broken’ means it learns to do other things and the rider then controls the horse and utilizes its power.

The conscious mind must control and direct the subconscious mind in order to get it to work as the conscious mind desires. This is why it is important to follow Hill’s philosophy. Follow the ancient’s wisdom.

Commitment Transforms A Promise Into Reality

You must know what you want and it must be absolutely worth it to you to get it. You must desire it because if it isn’t worth it to you neither will be your effort. You won’t persist when it gets tough.

You must believe you will ultimately get it. You must learn how to control your emotions, focus your thoughts and feelings, maintain a positive attitude because in all these you are learning control.

When you have control you can make your dreams come true.

You are teaching the horse how to behave. It will eventually co-operate if you are a good instructor, and never give up along the way. It will buck and kick, because that is what it learned to do.

In Order To Become Good You Must Practice And Repeat

If you are persistent and continually, repeatedly, communicate to it the way it understands, so that it gets your intentions and your messages, it will learn the new behaviors. Absolutely it will!

Once learned and conditioned it will serve you well. There is a cost. Nothing is free. It takes time, energy and dedication to help it learn these new things. It doesn’t happen over night but it will happen.

The reason you learn to condition your mind and maintain a positive attitude, is because it is more likely you will be successful by staying positive and moving forward than by being negative and staying stuck. To maintain, means to persist when the going gets tough.

Practice And Repeat Practice And Repeat Practice And Repeat

If you think defeatist thoughts and let them override your positivity and you feel bad as a result, you might not keep going. Heck, of course you won’t keep going. That is a given. You will quit.

If you are optimistic, feel like you are making progress, and enjoy the effort, you are more apt to see it through. THIS is why so much emphasis is placed on learning to control your thoughts and feelings.

Without that control the horse does what it wants. You must become the rider in charge. Then you can ride the horse wherever you want and it will continue to be faithful and serve you.

Secret To A Great Life: Think Positive – Feel Positive – Talk Positive

We all have negative thoughts. We were brought up in a culture where negativity is common. Messages we hear from media, parents, educators, peers are frequently very negative.

Bad news and gossip rule our day. Just because we have negative thoughts doesn’t mean we have to accept or entertain them. We can refuse to think them. Once aware we can let them go. We can!

You may not be able to change everything about your life. You might not be able to alter all of your circumstances but you can take charge of yourself. In fact, that is all you can really take charge of.

What Consumes Your Mind Controls Your Life

You can absolutely gain control over your thoughts, feelings, actions and behaviors and design for yourself the kind of person you want to be. You have choice. Choose to think positive. Be productive.

When you become aware of negative thinking.  Stop it. Interrupt it. Take a deep breath or do something to switch gears.  Say cancel or go away, or no thanks. Anything to break the thought pattern.

Then deliberately choose to focus on something positive. When you think about what you don’t want. Stop and switch your thinking to what you do want. Yes, it takes effort to train the horse/brain.

Success Is A State of Mind Start Thinking Of Yourself As A Success

The effort is worth it. You will discover if the rewards outweigh the price you pay to become a positive thinker by doing it. To not attempt do it, because it isn’t worth it, is another negative thought.

There is no middle ground. Either you think positive or negative. Either you are predominantly a positive thinker of a negative thinker. What other choices are there? There aren’t any.

It all boils down to choice. You either chose to think positive or you choose to think negative. You either choose to be the one in charge or you choose to be the one controlled. You decide! It is up to you!

You Are What You Decide

You either ride the horse or the horse takes you for a ride. Which is it? You either act or you don’t. You are either proactive or passive. You either make things happen or things happen to you.

If you aren’t the one in charge then you are the one at effect. So which will you be? Decide. Will you be at cause or at effect? If you do nothing you you will be and remain at effect.

You drift with however things go. Good or bad, up or down.

You can call the shots as you learn how. You can make things happen, as you take control. Life can be better than you ever imagined when you put yourself in charge. It will be!

The Power To Change Your Life Is In Your Decisions

Condition your subconscious mind, train it to do your bidding. It already knows how to do things, you just need to make it do what you want instead of what you don’t want.

You do that by concentrating and putting all your energy, you attention and focus on what you do want in a POSITIVE way. Keep doing it until it gets the message. Send it a crystal clear message!

The more enthused you are, the better you feel, the stronger your signal.  This is why you imagine what you want as if you already have it. This is why it is important to feel marvelous feelings strongly.

I’m Not A Product Of Circumstance I’m A Product Of My Decisions

The more clearly you tell your subconscious what you want in positive ways, vivid pictures, positive self-talk (and outer discussion) and strong positive feelings the quicker it gets the message.

Then it will it do what you trained, conditioned and programmed it to do. Hooray! No one can do this for you, but you. If you don’t, you won’t. Get up on the horse, if you fall off, get back on it.

Teach your brain, your subconscious mind, to do your bidding.

This is absolutely the one most powerful thing you can do for yourself. Learn how to control your thinking process instead of being a victim of it. Little by little you will gain immense control.

Life Isn’t What Happens To Me – Life Is What I Make Happen

Be patient, be tolerant. If you fall, don’t add to negative thinking by criticizing, instead re-aim your thoughts. Pat yourself on the back for recognizing and becoming aware of, and for changing your thoughts.

You don’t punish the toddler when the child falls while learning to walk. Don’t punish yourself either when learning new things. Be gentle, loving and accepting of yourself. Be patient and enjoy it all.

When you learn to take charge of your own mind and run it, instead of being run by it, then you have more power over events and circumstances. You understand more how to navigate them.

Either You Run The Day Or The Day Runs You

You no longer attempt to control others because you don’t need to. When you learn how to positively condition your mind for success and happiness you transform yourself for the better.

You can see more opportunities you would otherwise miss. You are more resourceful during difficulties. You resolve to make things happen and you get what you want. You understand commitment.

You can do more good, be helpful to others, and have more fun. You become more of the kind of person other people want to be around because you radiate good feelings and vibes.

I Am The Master Of My Fate –  I Am The Captain Of My Soul

You live in a new positive way, freed from much of you previous past negative conditioning. You unburden yourself so you can move forward. Now, you can continue to take positive steps toward making your goals and dreams reality. BECAUSE You know how.

You go beyond many of your previous limitations. By learning to do this you deliberately evolve yourself. Life becomes much more delightful. So take stock, keep track of your successes and that which you appreciate. Be grateful. Life is grand. Delight in it and celebrate everything!” Rex Sikes

Live well today and encourage others!

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Horizons photo used with permission of Phil Koch.

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3 thoughts on “You Will Never Be Happy Or Succeed Without Self Control”

  1. You say that what you focus on expands. In EFT ,one keeps repeating – “the pain ” and tapping the specific points. While repeating theword pain aren’t we focusing on it more.?Yet people are feeling better. This may not be your subject,yet I feel like taking your views is important for me.


    1. You raise an excellent question. What you focus on and give your energy to expands. We become what we think about most of the time. All of us have negative thoughts from time to time it is human. All thoughts are human. What is it we are concentrated on most is the question? Are we predominantly positive or negative? If we thought pain constantly that is what we would get more of because we are constantly focused on it. That is why sometimes while in pain it is difficult.

      Our negative thoughts don’t need to be run from but controlled. Our negative thoughts and feelings indicate that something may be amiss. It may be an area that requires our attention. For example, we may need to pay our bills. If we think ‘I have to pay my bills, but I don’t have enough money’ that is perhaps what circumstances indicate. If one stops there and continues to think, I am broke, I have nothing, I will never get ahead, I will go bankrupt, the worse is coming, then we are continuing to focus on the poverty of our circumstance and it expands. Energy put into it brings about more of the same.

      If instead, you think, Okay, bills, money, how can I work to find more money? What positive things can I do to improve my situation, who can I call? There is more than enough money in the universe how can I get some more? There is plenty and I can find it. I can be free. I am learning to become richer. What positive steps can I take. I’m going to do a job search and find something. I can succeed. I am a victor over circumstances. I can make good things happen. I always land on my feet. Good things come to me. I am a powerful creator. I can do this…

      One set of thoughts leads us to spiral down or stay stuck. The other leads to feeling better and positive action. Even these thoughts can be freeing. I have no money. I am broke and going to go bankrupt. This sucks. I hate this. I am going to make sure this never ever happens again. I am going to turn this around. I hate being without money so I am going to find some honest ways to make sure I will always have plenty. Others have a lot I can have a lot too. There is more than enough to go around…

      We can use the negative, and the negative feelings of anger or frustration to propel us from the negative stuck broke place into a more productive positive place. BUT only if we don’t throw a pity party and wallow in poor, me I am stuck and life is terrible.

      In EFT you focus on the pain while interrupting the patter or energy flow by tapping. You look for the source of the discomfort and change the energy going to it. You break it up. BUT you first have to identify what it is you want to break up and release. So you focus on it briefly while you change it. You do not stay focused on it. You evaluate. Better or worse and continue until relieved. Once relived you focus on feeling good.

      It is as if you are walking and you notice your foot hurts. You can keep walking and continue feeling the pain and thinking ouch ouch that hurts hurts and do nothing. Or you look and discover a pebble in your shoe. Your remove it, you foot is a little sore but now that the pebble is gone you notice when you walk it feels better. Eventually, you forget all about the pebble because you removed it. If you keep think about the pebble causing pain it would be odd, it would be foolish and it wouldn’t serve you.

      Instead, you forget about it and walk more comfortably. With the source of discomfort removed all is fine. You can stop there. Or you can think. I am glad I can walk easily. I love walking. I am grateful for my feet. I am grateful for my body’s ability to signal me. I enjoy moving through the world. All these years my feet have carried me to various places I am so lucky. I am lucky to have healthy feet… You could promote more positive feelings.

      The trick is to notice what is amiss and correct it. If off course while walking, driving, boating or flying, once you correct and get back on course you no longer think about having been off course. While off course it doesn’t serve you to keep thinking I am off course. It is better to think I am moving back onto course. I am finding my destination and moving to it. What must I change in order to correct it? Then implement the change, get back on course and focus on where you are headed. Keep your eyes on where you want to go.

      We are lucky we have signals that let us know when we are off course. Our feelings indicate when our thinking is less than glorious. Our thoughts determine our feelings. Our feelings determine our actions. Our actions determine our results. We never need to fear our thoughts rather we should master them. We make it a point to think positive most of the time. If we notice we aren’t we change it.

      We put a guard in front of our mind so we think the positive thoughts and only speak and express positive thoughts. We speak only to bless, heal and prosper ourselves and others. Our self talk and our conversations with family, friends and strangers. Occasionally, we will have a negative thought, something triggers a thought from our previous negative conditioning or we have a random stray negative thought for some reason. Or perhaps, someone else, or TV or media we see or hear or discuss brings up some negative thought or thoughts. Okay that is what happened acknowledge it and say or think, ‘no thanks’. or ‘thanks but I prefer to think this instead’ and shift back into positive thinking.

      The preponderance of our thought and energy is what makes the difference. What we entertain further and promote determines how we feel. If we are positive 95% of the time, 80% of the time, 75% 60% 55% 51% we are better off. At about 50-50% we are in a holding pattern. Not so good not so bad but probably not what we want. We aren’t really progressing and may be keeping tough times the same because we are wishy washy. Negative and positive. For change to occur we need to move in the direction of mostly positive.

      For some people they need to get to 50-50 first because they are mostly negative.It is a conditioning process like exercise. The more you do the more you can do. They more focused on the positive the more positive you create and attract. So then they move up maybe to 55% then 62% etc. etc. Now they are making progress in the right direction. Things get better. Life may still present difficult or even very difficult challenges but the more positive they become the more they can navigate the difficulty they encounter. The more control they exercise over their thought the more control they gain and they better they get at it.

      So the key is to focus your energy on being mostly positive so you don’t get caught up in the negative as it occurs. Remaining a can do person helps one find solutions much easier and quicker than slipping into being a can’t do person. The more practice you get being can do the easier it is to remain one when the going gets tough.

      I hope I have answered your question. If not please ask again and I will attempt to be more helpful. You have helped me. I got on computer and thought what will my blog be about today? Then I saw your question. Because I don’t know how many subscribers ever see comments I am going to use your question and my answer for the blog today. So, suddenly, I have benefited too. AND perhaps together you and I will have helped others to benefit because of the questions and answer. All is good. Best wishes, stay in touch and I hope this helped bring more clarity! Celebrate everything!


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