How To Stop Screwing Yourself Over And End Self-Sabotage Forever!

Horizons through-and-through-phil-koch

“Do you ever feel that despite your best, even your strongest, intentions, that some how you screw up? You go counter to what you want. You somehow sabotage your own efforts? Ever feel like that? You want to do something, but you don’t, or you do the opposite?

Here is a real life example of an important principle. I took some things to my son’s school this morning. While returning home I decided that at a particular intersection I would go straight to avoid traffic that was sure to be down the road to the east.

I drove thinking about upcoming meetings and activities. I got to the intersection turned right and headed east. Immediately, I became aware that I did not do as I had hoped and intended. Instead of going straight I automatically went home the way I normally would.

You Know More Than You Think You Do – Trust Yourself

I chuckled and thought okay, traffic or not here I come. I patted myself on the back for doing what I normally do automatically and suggested to myself to co-operate with the intentions I wish to set. BTW, there wasn’t any traffic. It was completely clear.  A surprise.

I realized that even while I intended to set a new course to avoid traffic my brain took me the old way, anyway. Here is the important point I am endeavoring to make. My brain did not sabotage me. It did what it normally does. It did the right thing! It took the normal route.

In spite of my intention it did what it reliably does. It was working as it was supposed to. I could get upset and angry and think that my intentions had been thwarted by a belligerent subconscious but that is not the case. It followed neural pathways and habits. It was good.

You Already Work Perfectly Well – Stop Fighting Yourself

It IS good! Many people buy into the notion of self sabotage. That is not the case at all. The sabotage explanation is not the most beneficial, nor useful, nor accurate description of what is occurring.. BUT it  does serve to fill therapist offices and sell lots of books.

We are not enemies of ourselves. Unless you believe you are. If you have that belief, change it. Our brain looks for supporting evidence for whatever we believe and think. You’ ll find examples for whatever you believe. Believe things that support and uplift you.

Sabotage is a label or description of a process. It is calling a process a thing. It is a judgement. If you remove the judgement and see the process for what it is, or what they are, then you understand there is no malevolent intent by your inner self. It is all good and all friendly.

Accept Yourself – Believe In Yourself – Realize You Are Amazing

Your inner child does not hate you! Your subconscious isn’t trying to screw you over. Get it? We are dealing with processes that run outside of our conscious awareness. They are reliable, predictable even. They run like clockwork because that is what we learned to do.

When we decide to change that is a new conscious decision. It is not unconscious yet. It is a new thought about what you want to do. You need to make this intention unconscious if you want to change. You need for your subconscious mind to GET the new intention!

Once it GETS IT, once it understands it, it becomes the new way to be. Obviously, your subconscious isn’t getting it the same way you understand things. It doesn’t work that way. It works by conditioning, repetition, exposure, deliberate practice to get it.

Start Trusting Yourself And You Will Know How To Live

It isn’t intellectual knowledge as when you go, ‘AHHHH okay, I get it.’ That is something entirely different. You get the point, the story, the joke but your unconscious doesn’t understand language that way. This is why feelings are so important in programming your mind.

My conscious intention was to do something else. I intended to go straight but while lost in thought I did what I normally would do. There’s no one to blame. Here’s the lesson: If I had wanted to go straight for certain, I needed to pay more attention to the process.

I needed to deliberately and consciously attend to my driving and my intentions. Even then, I may have had to override the tendency to turn. Who knows? To make sure I did what I wanted to I had to work the process. I had to be alert. I had to make it a matter of will.

Cooperation Is The Key – Cooperate With Yourself 

Do you understand where I am going with this? My brain didn’t foul me up or try to harm or prevent me from succeeding in going straight. It did what it was conditioned to do. Thank goodness because that is what we want our brains to do! Our brains work.

I wanted to change things but I didn’t insure I was attentive to the process. So the brain did what it always does. Hooray! Thank goodness for that. All is good. I learned, I need to pay more attention. I honored, myself for working perfectly. Hooray,  Hooray!

Our subconscious is like a huge ship and its power system, the engine. Our conscious mind is like the rudder. The rudder turns the ship. If you want to steer the ship you have to keep at the steering of it until, and after, it is going in the direction you want. You keep at it.

If You Realized How Powerful Your Thoughts Are …

Most people want to change but don’t do what it requires to change. They have been conditioned to be lazy, to want it easy, to have someone do it for them. If you want changes YOU have to make them and keep practicing them until they are yours forever.

It is a win/win. Here is the understanding I hope you derive. When we set goals and go after what we want we are using our conscious mind. If we want to be more happy, confident, relaxed or make more money, buy a new car or whatever it might be. We set it consciously.

Since that is the new change we want to make we need to focus on it and be sure we do what we intend to. Otherwise, we may discover ourselves doing as we had always done. No sabotage just prior chronic habitual conditioning playing out. Be happy to be aware!

… You Would Never Think A Negative Thought

Instead, of fighting yourself or blaming, learn to befriend yourself and co-operate with yourself. Love and honor yourself for working perfectly well. Yes, you ran the old conditioning yet again, but in time, with awareness you will change it. Keep at it! You’ll do it!

Eventually, the new program will take hold and become as automatically reliable as the old programming. Get it? So whether it is taking control of your mindset and thinking more positive thoughts or feeling happy more of the time you will as you keep at it.

Correct repetition is how we lay down the new neural pathways and habits. Yes, we need to do it enough times, and long enough, in order to wire it in. Just as we learned to do anything. Celebrate that you know you can change if you will stick with it. This is great news!

You Can Make Your Dreams Come True – Trust Your Subconscious

It may require some strong will power at times. That is a good thing, We all can stand to be stronger. After all, life offers many different experiences for us to grow and develop from. Enjoy, accept and allow everything. It is perfect, after all, if you decide it is. It IS!

You can change your beliefs and attitudes to be powerful and positive. You can feel joyous and delighted much more often. You can learn new skills and behaviors you have always wanted to and you can get the results and things you desire. This is excellent news!

If you are learning to Pay Yourself First, and Save and Invest, if you are learning your money management skills and it seems difficult at first, that is okay. Your prior programming wants to keep doing what it has always done to serve you. YOU are the one changing things.

Accept Yourself – Love Yourself – Be Good To Yourself – Enjoy You

Stick with it and you will make the changes. You are training your brain that you want these new thoughts and feelings and behaviors. Your brain will get it eventually. You just have to stick with it until it does. Once it becomes the new habit it is yours forever. Hooray!

Lighten up. Believe you can and you will. Your brain will support you in that. IT is your friend. It is time you become your brain’s friend. The same goes for your body. Befriend yourself! Love yourself. Feel gratitude and appreciation for everything there is!

You will discover an immense new, wonderful world open up to you. As you stop blaming and start appreciating how you actually work from the inside everything will get easier. You will find greater cooperation between your intentions and inner processes. Respect, honor, and love yourself for how you work and for being you. Accept yourself through and through. Celebrate everything!” Rex Sikes

What will you do today to make it marvelous?

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Horizons photo used with permission of Phil Koch.

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2 thoughts on “How To Stop Screwing Yourself Over And End Self-Sabotage Forever!”

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