What To Do When You Lose Your Temper

no excuses - when you really matter

“Have you ever lost it? Have you ever behaved opposite of how you wished or hoped you would behave? Have you ever been totally fine, even cool, when, for whatever the reason, you lost your cool, you were no longer fine and you exploded?

The next thing you know you are ranting or wailing and that is not ever what you wanted to happen.

Stop! Take some deep breaths. Just stop and breathe. Walk it off. Give your body a pause and move it to utilize the adrenaline that has flooded your system. Allow yourself to settle.

Shift your focus to things you enjoy. That is why they tell you to count to ten to distract yourself. So you create a pause. Shift to things that you enjoy and want to make happen. Relax your focus on what wasn’t working.

Let it go. Later, return and look for solutions. Learn from the moment. Think (manage your self-talk). I use affirmations such as “everything works out for me’, ‘no weapon formed against me shall prosper’, ‘all things work together for good’, ‘great things are coming to me even though I can’t yet see what they are’. Fill your mind with positivity!

Have you ever lost it? I SURE HAVE. I have lost it many times. Sometimes everything is going well and bam, something happened and I lost it. I lost control of my temper, or emotions. Sometimes it seems everything sucked and finally, bam! I lost it.

Take Responsibility

I have I admit it. I take responsibility for it. When it happens I am not necessarily happy about it but I accept it. I have learned not to regret it or shame myself for it. However, if it involves another person, I do the responsible thing and apologize and attempt to make good on it.

If no one else is involved I apologize to myself and make good on it.

I accept that it happened. I move on. I steer back to center and intend for a better day. I go inside my mental movie theater and make adjustments. I watch the situation unfold, i rearrange it, change it, free myself from it and program myself for future positiver behavior instead.

I have learned that when I lose it I am focused on the wrong thing. I am focused on what I don’t want. If I have lost it I have gotten caught up or hooked by what I don’t want in that moment.

When I become aware that I was caught up I acknowledge that I got hooked and celebrate that I noticed. I extract whatever learning I can from the situation and move on. Less and less I get caught up as a result. I lose it less frequently altogether. Life is much more what I want and intend it to be.

Shift Your Focus To What You Want

Still, every now and then are moments. These moments teach me a few things. We are all human, we all make mistakes.  Don’t linger in the crap but return swiftly to the golden moments and opportunity. Be responsible and do the right thing. Accept the consequences of your actions.

I learn I am more in control than I think and yet, I should never consider myself a hotshot or two big for my britches. I also know that it doesn’t ever help to make excuses, whine or blame others even if they actually were the cause.

It does nothing to assign blame. You’d think it would bring satisfaction or some sort of better feelings, or relief or resolve but it doesn’t. Blame is its own form of punishment. I prefer not to get hooked twice.

I realize that if I lost it there is a lesson I haven’t learned yet. I look for what that lesson might be. I think I find it and maybe I do. On the other hand, perhaps, the lesson I found isn’t the one and there is still more to learn.

There are few people who can get me but they still are there. I used to think it was about them. I know it is an opportunity for me to transcend being  ‘gotten to’. They are there to test me and provoke me so I can be better.

What You Resist Persists. Let Go

Do I think this is accidental or by divine design, nope. It just is. Anyone is free too conclude or believe what they wish as far as I am concerned.

Would it be easier if these ‘trying’ people went away. Perhaps, but if I am not free others might just take their place. So I might as well learn to get over these people, or these events, situations, and circumstances! Whatever it is, persists until I stop resisting.

It is like my blog about traffic and surrender. Whatever is is. You can resist, fight and cause yourself and others pain (sometimes I do) other times I surrender, relax and accept. I think more and more it is all about surrender. Letting go and going with the flow.

I think ultimately you learn to create your future the way you want so you can relax about the past and forgive and let go, so you can enjoy whatever the present presents. If you can live and celebrate everything, really celebrate and appreciate. no matter what, then life is absolutely amazing!

The more I find this moment perfect, whatever it is, the more I enjoy each moment. I can still intend to create beautiful things for tomorrow. I can intend health, wealth, well-being and a happy future without losing sight of the glorious now.

Being human means ups and downs. That seems to be the way it is. It seems everything is in flux. Happily there is change and we can change too. I’d hate to think we were predestined.

Be Flexible, Be Forgiving  Be Kind

I look at Bible stories sometimes and find messages and comfort. I look at all sorts of philosophical text. One story comes to mind. The story of Lot and his wife. Many people think it about sin and punishment.

I think of it this way. The ‘sin’ was the old way. I’m not calling it good or bad.  It was the old way of doing things. Lot and his family turned from what they didn’t want, the old way, and toward what they did want.

They left, traveled, moved toward the new. They left the city representing the old way of being and doing (what they did not want) to head to a new destination (what they do want).

Lot’s wife looked back and was frozen in a moment as a pillar of sand. She froze while focused on the old way. She got caught by what she did not want.

Okay, maybe this is not what the story is about at all. But it could be.

When we take our eyes off where we are headed we freeze. We can not move forward looking backwards. We have to keep moving in the positive and worthwhile direction.

Create What You Want Don’t Get Caught In What You Don’t Want

We need to focus on what it is we want and not get trapped by what we don’t want or negative circumstances. Keep our sight on what we want to create that is good and new.

If we fall we get up. If we make a mistake we correct it. Abusing ourself or others with harsh words and bad feelings does not help. Nor does it benefit to treat ourselves with harsh words. Be gentle and kind.

We all make mistakes. We all get hooked noe and then. It is okay. We are human. If we had no possibility to fail we would be robots. We would have no choice. We could not create. We would never learn and our enjoyment would be limited.

Because we can fail we can also triumph. We can celebrate all. We can be victorious and fill our life with greater meaning. We can delight in all things. We can live fully no matter what. I’m glad we have choice. I’m happy we can make mistakes and correct them. It means we can do anything!” Rex Sikes

How often can you smile today?

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