Category Archives: Self Improvement

Are You Sabotaging Yourself In This Way?

“Say to yourself, ‘hello’. Now ask, ‘how are you?’ Do you hear an answer? I bet you do. That voice inside that says ‘hello’ and answers your question is your self-talk voice. Perhaps, one of many. Guess what, you talk to yourself all the time. You argue with yourself.

Self-talk is a continuous stream of thoughts, mental conversations, you have all day in and day out. It is the voice that says, ‘I should talk to Sue,’ then says, ‘I can’t stand Sue.’ Then again says, ‘still I should talk to her.’ It argues both sides. It can be positive or negative.

It is endless. Realize this: whatever dominates your mind determines who and what you are. If your thoughts are mostly negative YOU will be mostly negative and attract and create mostly negative experiences and people to you. Get it? Is you and how you live?

The Mind Is Only As Strong As Your Weakest Think

You are whatever mostly dominates your thinking. Remember, you become what you think about. This is the reason you want and need to monitor and manage your self-talk. What you think about you bring about. If  you are mostly positive you will have a positive life.

You cannot have mostly negative thoughts and live a positive life. You need to change your self-talk and design your mind. You need to take charge of your thinking in order to create your best life ever! If you do nothing, nothing will change. If you keep doing what you have been doing, nothing will change. To change, you must change some of what you are doing. Get it? I hope so. Celebrate everything!” Rex Sikes

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Horizons photo used with permission of Phil Koch

The Surest Signal You Are Ready For A Change

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“The surest signal you are ready to change is discomfort. Why discomfort? You might ask. Well, when you are feeling uncomfortable  you seek to feel comfortable again. Don’t you? Yes, you do. Humans try to maintain comfort at nearly all costs.

When you are outside of your zone if feels UNcomfortable.  What is really going on is your subconscious, while trying to preserve your comfort, is telling you that you need to change something. Your feelings are the signal, they are clues, you need to make a change.

When you are comfortable there isn’t any resistance. When you are growing or pushing the envelop there is some push back. If everything is cushy, then, suddenly uncomfortable, or you feel negative or sad, or angry, you are getting a message to change.

Your Heart Knows Things Your Mind Cant Explain

If everything were okay you wouldn’t feel discomfort. Would you? You’d feel as if everything was fine. So then discomfort IS the signal that something is amiss! Stop fighting the signal. Accept it. Seek to change the cause of the signal. Correct that and continue.

This is wonderful. The good news is you have a system that signals you when you need to make a change. Learn to recognize when you are being signaled. You are being called to action. Your non-conscious self is alerting you so you can make adjustments.

Hooray, celebrate you no longer have to be stuck the way you are. You get a message delivered from your self that you need to change some things. The discomfort is alerting you so you CAN change your thinking because your thoughts determines how you feel.

Trust Your Gut It Knows What Your Head Hasn’t Figured Out

Change your thinking and your feeling and your actions change. Change your thinking for the better and get better results. That is how it works. Challenge, discomfort, struggle is really an opportunity to be and do thing differently. Do you understand?

If you always do what you always did you will always get what you always got. You wouldn’t grow and evolve. Think of struggle and challenge and pain as growth spurts. Those can be uncomfortable but it IS because you are growing and evolving. Embrace change.

Embrace the discomfort and you will go through it more quickly. Accept it. Allow it. Learn whatever lesson is there for you to learn. Be glad. Feel blessed. Express gratitude. When you do you are bigger than your problems and can manage them more readily. You evolve quicker. So celebrate everything!” Rex Sikes

How much delight can you create today?

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Photo used with permission of Phil Koch.

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My Goodness There Is Something About You

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“Remember this during a time of celebration, like Thanksgiving. More importantly, remember it each and every day you live. Celebrate it and be thankful. Daily practice is when you want to remember and validate it the most. Remind yourself each moment.

You are unique. There is no one like you. You aren’t in competition with anyone else in the universe. You are special. You are wonderful. You are marvelous. There never was nor will there be another like you. You are one of a kind. Accept, love and embrace yourself.

Accept your uniqueness. Allow it. You are a special offering. Your competition isn’t others it is with yourself. Be better tomorrow than you were today. Evolve. Improve. Get better. Live fuller and happier in each moment. Thrive. Take time to nurture and develop yourself.

Thanksgiving Could Be More Than A Yearly Event – Practice Daily

Develop yourself. Become the best you, you can become. There is no limit. There is only possibility and potential. Fill your mind with the best, the most positive and wonderful thoughts. Bask in the most glorious feelings. Help yourself and help others. Go the extra mile.

Your choices and your actions can lead to positive results. Make tomorrow a better day for you and others. You are here for a positive reason. Discover what that reason is and fulfill it. Be filled with joy, and peace and light. Celebrate everything!” Rex Sikes

Have a beautiful day!

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Photo used with permission of Phil Koch.

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The Secret To Success And Happiness Few Know And Won’t Tell You

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“When it comes to personal change most of the programs offering advice and solutions won’t tell you precisely what you need to know. They leave it out. Later, they tell you, if you are having difficulty making the program work, here is why, this is what you now must do. In the next few posts I will cover this topic area and more. Part 1.

It’s more honest and ethical to tell you what is required of you up front than to hook you, reel you in and then tell you, it is your fault it isn’t working. I don’t like that. However, it is useful to capture the imagination of people so they begin the journey otherwise they may not. BUT do tell them what it involves.

Many programs make it seem as if someone or something is going to help you from the outside. The ‘Secret’ will rescue you. Help will flow your way once you learn it. Well, learning it IS fine, but that actually is not enough. One, you must become it not simply learn it. Two, you are responsible for making it work nothing, no on else is.

Be Positive – Stay Positive – You Can Do It

If that sounds like bad news consider this post tough life. I want to tell you how it is. I don’t want to fill you with fluff or mislead you. Personal change and development is not magic. Yes, sometimes it can seem that way but the bottom line  there is a lot of work to do. Many people leave this out. There is work to do! Get over it.

Those who succeed are those who will do it. BUT few will. Many will begin but not follow through and actually accomplish much. Just as most self help books aren’t read past the first chapter most people, will begin, as they do on January 1, working on new resolutions only to abandon them some short time later. Fewer continue on.

Please, don’t be daunted by this, resolve to make a difference for yourself instead of being one of the many who drop out. Promise yourself to stick with it no matter what. Find a way to do just enough to make it possible. Stay with it and don’t overwhelm yourself with too much at one time. Drop by drop the tub fills. Be one of the few!

Drop by Drop – Bite By Bite – Step By Step

There is a lot of work. You are working on yourself to overcome chronic, old negative patterns and habits. You are working on yourself to get out of your comfort zone and overcome inertia, the tendency to do nothing. You are working to change your thoughts, feelings and actions so you can get better results and enjoy more.

You must decide to be in it for the long haul. You must dive in the pool and immerse yourself and not just dip your toes in. At times it will be easy at other times more difficult. That is how it is! It gets easier the more often you engage in the process and the longer you do it just as everything does. All things are difficult at first.

Remember, learning to read and write. There was a lot of effort involved up front. Was it worth it to you? You do it now without thinking about the process. Was it worth it to learn to ride a bike or drive a car? Now it is a reliable, easy habit. In order to make these abilities automatic you had to stick with them and repeat them.

The More We Do – The More We Can Do

You didn’t learn nor acquire the skills overnight and no one tapped you on the head and gave them to you without you applying yourself. In order for your life to be changed for the better you will have to change some things in your life. You will need to engage, and practice, and practice enough until you become it. You become it!

Learning to play the piano can be difficult at first, as is juggling, mathematics, speaking a new language, playing basketball, swimming, sitting up as an infant, crawling, walking and feeding oneself. Everything we NOW do we learned to do. We learned bathroom habits, hygiene and how to dress. Everything!

Consider this: as an infant you were far more tenacious than you may be right now. If you didn’t keep doing until you succeeded you would never have sat up and walked. You’d have starved had you not learned to feed yourself. BUT you never quit. You did everything you needed to in order to succeed. As an infant you were amazing!

Whatever We Want To Do With Ease – We First Do With Diligence

Growing up with others you LEARNED to give up. You LEARNED things were tough. You were TOLD you may not have it in you or you may not amount to anything. Blah, Blah. YOU BELIEVED THEM. You had already achieved so much and demonstrated you could learn to do incredible things, yet, you were influenced by others.

You may have been told you couldn’t learn well, you had a disability. We all got negative messages from well intending people. We modeled out attitudes we learned from watching others and concluded they were right when things got tougher. We tried three times and quit because that’s what we LEARNED to growing up.

Everything you do you have LEARNED to do, well or not, right or wrong. Yet, some people tell others they have learning disabilities. They don’t, barring neurological impairment. What they LEARN from others is HOW TO be disabled, how to make things tough, how to give up. This is what you also learn. You LEARN from messages.

If You Really Want To Do Something – You Will Find A Way

So be willing to work at it and do whatever it takes for as long as it takes and you will do fine. Only, afterwards, but, perhaps along the way, it will become worth it for you. At some point you will look back and notice how far you traveled and feel wonderful about it. It WILL  be worth it. Hang in there. Commit! Do it as that infant did it.

Those who begin and keep going eventually get there. Though the journey may be difficult at times, those who persist arrive. Those who quit don’t. Far fewer get there than the number who start. That is just the way it is. You and I need to decide which statistic we will be. Will we finish or will we abandon? It is up to each of us! Decide.

More in the next post. As always please feel free to ask questions and leave comments. Share these words with others who may benefit. AND Always, no matter what, find a way to enjoy the journey. Night and day are part of the same 24 hour cycle. Life is meant to live and enjoy. Sometimes it is hot, sometimes cold. Sometimes tough sometimes easy. Celebrate everything!” Rex Sikes

Look and enjoy the good things you can discover!

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Horizons photo used with permission of Phil Koch.

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The Secret: You Must Push Through Limitations To Success

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“There are many things that separate those who are successful from those who are not. That separate those who can do from those who can’t. AND those who do from those who don’t. There is something you can learn to do that will give you the edge and help bring you the successes you want. It isn’t easy at first but it is worth doing!

Today, do something you have been putting off. Do something you don’t want to do that would be good for you. Perhaps, it means cleaning your office or your home. Writing a paper of report that you have been dreading. Going to the gym. Eating right. Whatever it might be make it a point of not putting it off any longer.

It never helps to procrastinate. Typically, it just only adds pressure until we no longer feel we can go without getting it done, so we  give in and do it. If, instead, you take care of it, in  addition to decreasing stress, you do something valuable. You took charge. You dictated the circumstances instead of letting circumstances dictate you.

What We Want To Do With Ease We Must First Do With Diligence

This point should not be lost on you! When you dictate the circumstances you come from a place of your own power and authority. You put yourself in the driver’s seat. This is what successful entrepreneurs do. They are in charge and they make things happen. Isn’t that preferable to things controlling you?

When you do something you don’t want to do, when you push past your own limits and excuses and reasons for not getting it done you become a leader of yourself. You do it anyway. You are larger than the task. When you behave this way routinely, with this mindset you develop habits that help make you unstoppable and successful.

It means you make a commitment to yourself and follow through. It is important to keep your word to others and yourself. You learn to push through resistance and you learn to persist. Olympic  athletes train when they don’t feel like.  Can you imagine wanting to get up and train really hard, really early, day in and day out?

The More We Do The More We Can Do

Go beyond what stops you. Troops in basic training may not feel like getting up for roll call but they have external pressures to insure they do. Athletes going for the gold need to rely on their own internal means for training when they don’t feel like it. Motivation comes from action not by waiting for it.

Those who are successful do things those who aren’t will never do. They don’t fear work. The go the extra mile when others quit. They don’t let their emotions stop them from getting closer to their goals. They are driven. You can learn how to push through your limitations only by pushing through your limitations.

The more you do the more you can do. It gets easier once you start. Perhaps, you are one of those people who have to learn that starting is 80% of getting it completed. In the past, you looked at that task and talked or felt your way out of not doing it. Learn how to talk and feel your way into doing it. That would be immensely beneficial!

Develop Habits That Breed Success

You and I need to use our our own internal motivation and rewards to act. We need to learn to do it in spite of our best reasons for not. We need to learn to not listen to our excuses and start listening to all the reasons we should complete our tasks. Then we will have learned to keep going in spite of the odds and challenges.

We will keep going when we otherwise might have felt like throwing in the towel. We will have learned how to dedicate ourselves, commit to our goals and tasks and persist, until we achieve what we want to achieve. When you complete the task notice how you feel. I bet you feel pretty good and maybe even proud of yourself.

That makes it worth it too. You want to spend more time feeling good. When it comes to positive thinking there may be times you don’t feel like it but you persist anyway because you know it is best for you. As you develop the habits to take care of things ‘anyway’, in spite of inner resistance you are truly becoming a victor.

When you complete the task notice what you feel. Notice how you feel. If you feel good about it that is part of the reward you get for acting in your own behalf. Savor the feeling and appreciate yourself. Notice what you learned about accomplishing your task. You did it. Acknowledge and validate! Then take time to feel glad and celebrate everything.” Rex Sikes

Celebrate the day and that you are in it!

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Horizons photo used with permission of Phil Koch.

NEW BLOG SITE LAUNCHES SOON – Do you get this blog emailed to you? You will have  to again subscribe to this blog, newsletter. I’d hate for you to miss anything when it switches. Subscribe and Follow Daily Inspiration and Gratitude!

Time Is Not The Enemy But Your Friend

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“You have changes you want to make in your career or your life. Perhaps, you are going through difficult times. You want relief. You have developed a better attitude and are moving in the right direction. Only it doesn’t seem fast enough, right?

Some people who learn about Intentional Creation, Positive Thinking, or the Law of Attraction give it a try and if they don’t get immediate success decide whatever they are doing isn’t working and abandon it. They want improvement overnight.

Instead of hanging in there they claim whatever they tried didn’t work, or at least not for them. No one can estimate the time it will take for you, because no one else is you. I can’t tell you how well, or even if, you actually apply the principles.

The More We Do The More We Can Do

My assessment of you doesn’t matter. Next concept. It takes whatever time it takes for a seed to grow and to flower. I’m sure you already understand this. Everything takes some time. Why is the question? One answer is because it does. Get over it already.

Another is, you actually wouldn’t be happy with immediate manifestation because it would work both ways. Instant success or failure depending on what your predominantly thinking. So that is why it takes some time to manifest. Be thankful in this regard.

I think there is a much better reason. Not because anyone ordains it the answer, but it just seems to work this way. The reason things take time is so that you can get to be better. The reason things take time is so it is attributable to YOUR efforts and not luck or accident.

Time Shows Us What Really Matters

Things don’t manifest right away to give you practice. Time allows you to develop good habits. You can build the habit of right thinking. Otherwise, you would think it is luck and you don’t benefit from luck. You greatest benefit is from truly conditioning your mind.

Once you condition your mind, once you learn how to control your thinking then anything can be yours. You become more powerful, and wise through experience BECAUSE things take time. You evolve and develop your attitude, abilities and talents. You improve!

The more we do the more we can do is one of my favorite sayings. Things take time so we can grow and develop our skills to become more of whomever and whatever we want to be. We learn the nuance of great power and deliberate attention and control.

The Way We Spend Our Time Defines Who We Are

When things don’t work out fast I accept, perhaps, I need to learn more patience while pursuing my goal. The two concepts are not mutually exclusive. One can be patient and continue to act in one’s behalf. Some people haven’t learned this. Maybe, it is time to.

When things are troublesome or downright tough, perhaps, we learn persistence or the ability to be joyful anyway. When money is tight and debt looms we learn to think and focus on abundance instead. We learn concentration and where and how to focus our energy.

I am not saying there is a god or design to this. There very well may be, but that part doesn’t matter for my explanation. It is through trials we become stronger and well seasoned. We get more back than we could ever imagine. So, I say bring it! I want to learn.

Time Teaches Us How To Live

We learn patience, faith and trust and much more when things take longer. If it is wham, bam, thank you… it just isn’t as satisfying in the long run. Immediate results don’t always benefit us overall. We live life while waiting for actual seeds to sprout. That applies here too.

While we wait and see things through, life continues. We continue to exercise out focus to keep our attention on what we want even when it doesn’t seem to be happening. We build so many character muscles this way. We can improve in so many different dimensions.

I want to improve. I want to get better at what I have learned to do. I want mastery not accidental results. I want to learn to stick it out and make it happen and live the utmost! I don’t merely want to escape what is, if I don’t it. I want to rule what is. Don’y you?

You Are Where Your Thoughts Have Brought You

I have noticed that I am better off and far more happier because things didn’t manifest how or when I had hoped. I have become aware that I am far more delighted and well off because I went through some tough or long times without a quick remedy.

I have learned to be happy without regard to what is going on. Things can be tough or easy and that doesn’t change my happiness. It isn’t acquisition of money, things or people that make me happy but since I am happy I seem to be able to acquire and appreciate those even more. Happiness first is what time has helped me to be.

Time is not the enemy some people think it is. It can be a wonderful and useful friend. Learn to embrace it. Lean to embrace all things and life becomes much more wonderful. Time gives you more opportunities than you can even imagine. Become aware. Seek and you will find them. Meanwhile, celebrate everything!” Rex Sikes

Have a wonderful day!

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Horizons photo used with permission of Phil Koch.

NEW BLOG SITE LAUNCHES SOON – Do you get this blog emailed to you? You will have  to again subscribe to this blog, newsletter. I’d hate for you to miss anything when it switches. Subscribe and Follow Daily Inspiration and Gratitude!

What You Need To Know About Negativity And Depression

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“Do you sometimes feel change is hard? Have you felt overwhelmed at times? We all go through it at different points in our life.  Someone who read my blog elsewhere reached out saying ‘great post’ and ‘thanks’. He then described some personal history and how he worked hard to make changes. I thought I’d share my reply.

‘Thanks for speaking out. Yes, I agree there is a way to use doubts fears and negative feelings. The best way is as an alert signal that let’s us know something is amiss with our thinking and that we need to change it.

We need to re-aim it so we think and feel better. So whenever we feel less than glorious that is the body’s way of saying ‘hey change your thinking. stop thinking about what you don’t want and begin to think positive!’

If we were always contented with love and non-critical we would probably never change. Why would we if we are always satisfied. So dissatisfaction has a place too. The trick is learning to be dissatisfied without being cruel to ourselves or others.

To love and nourish, to nurture ourselves when times are good and not so good is important. It has been reported for sometime now, by researchers, that too much right brain activity may be the cause of depressive feelings.

Many artists, of all types, display right brained dominance or that tendency. Happiness is mostly a left brain function. It is literally what we say to our self and how we say it. The words and the tone. The left hemisphere is the seat of our ability to understand and speak language.

How we talk to ourselves is important. Unfortunately, many of us, have made less than glorious self-talk a habit. This does result in feeling less than glorious too. Monitoring and changing what we say is important to be able to change and feel better.

It is is a conditioning process. It requires mental exercise or practice similar to physical exercise or practice. That means replacing a bad chronic habit with a better, more productive habit.That takes effort but it can be done.

It takes consistent effort and dedication. It is simple but not always easy. Similar to exercise you have to do it repeatedly, for long enough, before you begin to see results and then keep doing it to further develop and then maintain the results.

A lot of people don’t realize how truly wonderful they are. They don’t appreciate how strong they are or how much they have already overcome. They should fully appreciate themselves for it.

I believe credit where credit is due. If you make a mistake, own up and at the same time forgive yourself. A mistake is just a mistake. Take it easy. Be gentle and compassionate. Never critical or harsh.

Anyone who suffers or has suffered from negativity and reports on it is already a winner! It means somewhere inside the person there is more than enough resourcefulness to get through it. There is a very strong and resourceful person to make it through the tough times.

This is great when you think about it! EVEN thought times have been incredibly difficult the person has been victorious. I hope that you, and others realize that. When you over come difficult times pat yourself on the back. Give yourself a hug and some praise.

If you attempted to overcome some difficulties but didn’t do so well at the time, give yourself a hug and some praise for trying. Encourage and nurture yourself along. This is very important. Say nice things to yourself. Make this a a habit.

The brain is very adaptable and can and will make changes. It may have wired in some old negative programming, depressive thoughts, anxious or fearful thoughts in the past, but those can be changed. They really can be changed. We don’t have to be held captive by the past or by our conditioning or by our genes.

Science has made some great strides forward. It takes time for the word to disseminate before enough people actually understand what the updates are. Research in neuroscience actually does point out that it is really true.

If you choose to think different thoughts, positive thoughts, even though it may seem tough, it is a choice you can make and force if you have to, it will make a large positive difference in time.You must do it again and again, by sheer force if necessary, as much as you can.

Think happy, positive, optimistic changes and you will re-wire the brain for more happiness. The brain is adaptable and responsive to this. Think happy thoughts speak happy thoughts. The reason most people don’t is because can be tough, or at least seems like it is.

Your brain can be re-wired! Talk to yourself nicely, all the time, that is the major way to start. Create nice supportive, positive self-talk and enjoy and celebrate everything. You have been victorious through difficult times.

As someone who is a victor, you can continue to move forward. While difficult at first it can get easier through time if you know what to do and then actually do it. People need to know that it IS possible to learn the knack of transforming less than glorious times more easily than they might think.

You have already done it. Be sure to take inventory of your talents, skills, abilities and resourcefulness in doing this. Appreciate yourself for accomplishing this. Add to it if you wish but know that you proven to yourself that YOU are able. I think that is marvelous.

Thanks for commenting and all the best wishes! Stay in touch if you like.'” Rex Sikes

Enjoy today!!

If you like these posts please subscribe. If you think these posts would help others please share them. Help Spread the word. 

Horizons photo used with permission of Phil Koch.

NEW BLOG SITE LAUNCHES SOON – Do you get this blog emailed to you? You will have  to again subscribe to this blog, newsletter. I’d hate for you to miss anything when it switches. Subscribe and Follow Daily Inspiration and Gratitude!

Could Social Media And The News Cost You Your Dreams?

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“Do you think you have an accurate view of the world today? What is your place in the world? Are you able to easily make your dreams come true? What do you think?  Would you like to conduct a little experiment, some investigative research, on your own for a few days.

I’ll keep publishing blogs while you do, but I wanted to invite you, give your the opportunity, to examine something for yourself. If you are game, I hope you will have a go at it.

First things first. Napoleon Hill and Andrew Carnegie, among others,  were big proponents of accurate thinking. Unfortunately, most people are prone to gossip, media distraction, rumor and being a bit too gullible at times. They are easily lead astray. Do you think you are?

Without vetting the sources, the reports and the stories,  people erroneously believe or accept the ‘news’ or information they pay attention to. Then they pass that information along. Much is not accurate. Some is downright deceptive and manipulative.

However, most people don’t even not know this because they don’t bother to check. They accept it without much question. Not that long ago people used to get their news either in the morning, evening or prior to bed.

Now we are exposed to it 24 hours seven days a week without end. You can’t escape it if you use the internet.

Hill encouraged  readers to put their mental faculties to good use. He urged readers to insist on accurate, reliable information that was reported honestly. That way, when the time came, and if need be, they could make a well-informed decision.

Then they could  act or move forward productively based on it. You want reliable information when making important decisions, don’t you? Today, we have tremendous access to all kinds of information. Quantity is high, but what about the quality? Is it reliable and accurate? I will go further and ask, is it even truthful?

Hill boiled accurate thinking down to two important practices:

1.  Separate facts from opinions, fictions, unproved hypotheses, and hearsay.

2. Separate facts into two categories: important and unimportant.

He postulated, and I would agree, that few people do either of these. The first one takes effort. We have footwork to do. We must not just passively accept media messages as true. They might be but they might not be. Be vigilant. Test! Don’t blindly accept things.

I would add that more people today get caught up in the unimportant. They aren’t good at separating the two. People are distracted from what is relevant and important. Social media is a major time and attention suck.

We’re bombarded by juicy bits and distracted most of the time.

Here is a thought experiment you can conduct on your own. Go through headlines for the past 30, 50 or 100 years. Examine them Compare and contrast. Use any and all media; it can be newspaper, magazines, television , and the internet.

Notice whether the stories have changed much at all? The details will differ. For example, there are different wars, different celebrities. That is a given.

Note which themes reoccur? How frequently do the same issues arise? What does media keep the public focused on continuously? You may be surprised by what you discover.

It is true, players, come and go, parties change, events occur but notice whether the topics or themes ever change, or change much? What does media keep us paying attention to? Why might they do do this? Whose interests does it serve? What are we distracted for?

See if you detect patterns. What do you think you will find? I’m sure you already have thoughts about the media, news and reporting in general. Are we discussing anything really new or is a lot of it the same? Feel free to  post you discoveries in the comments.

Tell me, and others, what you find. We can discuss accurate thinking and your discoveries again in another blog post down the road a bit. First, do some investigative checking. And, as always, be grateful and celebrate everything!” Rex Sikes

Have a wonderful day!

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Horizons photo used with permission of Phil Koch.

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Characteristics Of The Success or Failure: Which Fits You?

horizons the-language-of-my-soul-phil-koch

“Can you be successful in your career? Is it in the cards for you? Will you make your dreams come true? Are you be the kind of person who makes it happen?

Are you not sure? Do you doubt that you might make it?  Are you failing? Is there a lot of conflict? Do you know why? What are the differences between the successful and the not so successful?

The Successful Person has a definite chief purpose well defined. She knows precisely what she wants. She made plans to accomplish her goals and believes firmly in her abilities to make them happen.

She works her plans. She spends a significant portion of time each day toward achieving these.  She maintains a positive mental attitude. She has an optimistic outlook.

She looks for solutions instead of problems. She enjoys her life and makes the best of all situations. She looks for the best in others and praises instead of criticizes. She uplifts. She is great to be around.

She knows others help you to succeed and are important so she learns how to communicate and influence them positively. She creates bonds of friendship and takes an interest in them.

She respects people, is friendly and co-operative. She celebrates their successes and does not envy them when they advance. She is a valued member of the team and she values the others as well.

She is thoughtful and does not criticize. Careful with her words, she thinks before speaking. She only expresses opinions about things she actually has bothered to look into, inform herself of and learn about.

She keeps current with what is going on in the world, as well as immediately around her. She is able to intelligently and calmly discuss current affairs.

She keeps her mind open and is tolerant of others and their opinions and practices. She includes rather than excludes others. She is inviting. She is a person who unites rather than divides.

She assists others and adds value to them first. She goes the ‘extra mile’ or renders more service in her work than she is paid for. She under promises and over delivers.

She adds service knowing that she makes herself highly valued to those around her and who have hired her. Because of her attitude and her behaviors she is indispensable. She succeeds!

The Not So Successful Person doesn’t know what she wants. She drifts and floats from plan to plan, idea to idea. She never spends enough time with any one goal to be successful.

Her success depends on luck, the right events or on others. She does not take responsibility for her thoughts, decisions, or actions. It is not within her control and she doesn’t hold herself accountable.

She is frequently negative or just so-so. The weight of the world is carried on her shoulders. She complains often or blames. She criticizes and finds fault with others and the world at large.

She speaks without thinking. She is not well informed and often misstates events or positions. She repeats gossip and breeds resentment. She hurts feelings and causes strife with her tongue.

She is intolerant of others, their opinions and their practices. She divides and has a closed mind. Her behaviors cut her off from forming bonds, supporting each other and enjoying opportunity.

She looks to benefit a lot by doing very little. She doesn’t pull her weight nor does she offer any added value. Her own needs are her immediate concern.

While the successful person cultivates friendships with all, the not so successful person only cultivates friendships with those whom she thinks she will gain something from. She is in it only for her self.

Both types of individual are where they are in life because of their mental attitude and their actions towards self and others. This list is not exhaustive by any means. Celebrate everything!” Rex Sikes

Make your day an incredible one!

If you like these posts please subscribe. If you think these posts would help others please share them. Help Spread the word. 

Horizons photo used with permission of Phil Koch.

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When S#%T Hits The Fan! How To Handle Crisis And Difficulties

horizons beyond-the-hporizon-phil-koch

“Some times the excrement hits the fan. You hope it doesn’t but it does. From there it only seems to get worse. What do you do about it? Can you change things? What is the ‘enlightened’ approach. Some people think ‘this should not happen if I am a positive person!’ Well, should it?

I don’t know if it should or not. I only realize that it does. I say this from experience. Being a positive thinker makes everything better! It does! It truly does! There seem to be far fewer upheavals than otherwise, still things rock the boat from time to time. Perhaps, all the time, but most of them just don’t get to you.

I don’t think anyone should make a hard rule about it. Flexibility of mind and behavior is the key. Learning to control ones thoughts and feelings brings immense power and positive transformation in so many wonderful ways. It doesn’t matter if things get messed up once in a while. You learn and evolve through everything if open to it!

Stuff Happens Get Over It

I believe everything is an opportunity to learn, to grow, to shed old ways if we are alert to this and aware as it happens. We can learn from trials and difficulties and can even be grateful they push or prompt us to be different. Is it planned, predestined, calculated, or random happenstance? That’s  up to each of us to decide for ourselves.

Some get great comfort in assuming there is a divine plan  for their life. And it may be OR it may not. I think everything is perfect whether or not anyone or anything pulls the strings. It is what it is. Accept it, get over your complaints about it, suck it up if you have to. Learn from it. Learning from it IS what we can do that is useful!

It is what it is! It was what it was! Evolve and move forward. This blog is always my opinion since it is my blog. I may share my perception of other’s opinions but I am sharing my thoughts and learning and understanding from my perspective, whether or not I ever say I think or believe. You understand that, alright?

I don’t claim to have final ways for how you or anyone should act. It is always up to us to make our own decisions for ourselves. What I hope to do with this blog is share approaches I know work from decades of using them on myself, with others and from studying what has worked for people throughout the centuries.

Learn To Go With The Flow

Without going into immense detail, the past few days have been immensely blessed. There have been what some might call high highs, great accomplishments and forward movement. There have been multiple difficulties during the same time. Sometimes, that is how life seems to go. Again, maybe that is how it always is.

I don’t try to find assigned reasons for things but extract my own reasons for what I can do. I’ll explain more as we go along. I am discussing Friday. I write the blog during the early am hours Saturday so you get an idea of how this operates. The day began with an argument with a loved one. I didn’t want to have but did.

I reacted to some things.  A response would have been more appropriate. I could say I was tired, things had gone on in a particular way and I wanted to be done with it. I can point at numerous ways to interpret my behavior or the other person’s or the circumstance but the bottom line is my reaction made me party to an ensuing argument. The argument was significant.

Had I been more aware and responded differently, it may not have been the issue it was. Looking at it afterwards I examined it and realized I could make some other choices. I have vowed this won’t happen again. I looked at how else I might handle the situation more productively.

What You Resist Persists

What is it that I can change in me, and my thinking and doing, that would preempt it, stop it, from getting out of hand? I don’t want to blame the other party. I could. I could make it about them changing or the circumstances changing , or what we could do together differently, but at this moment, I only have my actions to examine.

I take responsibility because it does take two to have an argument. So how, and what, can I do differently to help make situations like that better? What do I, can I, and have I learned from this argument that can be of benefit for the future? If I expect the other party to change that will only ensure nothing changes.

Not because the other party doesn’t have responsibility but by putting conditions on anyone other than myself, and expecting another person to do something different would be setting myself up for disappointment. This seems to be what we do much of the time. We want others to be different, the world to be different.

When they aren’t, and it isn’t, we get bent out of shape. At least, I have. People who try to control the world and others usually end up miserably frustrated. It isn’t worth it. It is better for me to change what I can about me, than to attempt to change others. That should make sense. Hopefully, you have discovered the folly of this for yourself too.

The Only Person You Can Absolutely Control Is You

It is more important to me to become more flexible. I want to learn to be more resilient, and more resourceful to be able to handle situations that arise. It is more productive to change myself for the better than to hope or expect others to do it my way. I can hope and wish for things to turn out differently or I can make some positive changes for myself.

Work with what YOU CAN work with to make the adjustment. You CAN work on your self. You CAN’T work on others. Self is the starting place. Yes, you can negotiate with the other person and work things out. That is important too. Do what you can to get along, to have a win/win and settle things in positive ways. By all means, of course!

But when all is said and done, IF after that negotiations they don’t change, then YOU had better change, if you don’t want a repeat of that situation. If you get this point you get a lot? Change what you can about yourself. DO NOT expect the other person to change for you. If they do great. If they don’t great! That is what is. You change!

The buck stops here! The responsibility is mine. I don’t beat myself up or wallow about what happened even when sorry for what happens. I look at it and seek to discover what I can do differently to make it work out better for both of us. I hope I discover a win/win. If it is to be it is up to me and no one but me. SO I look to learn.

As Within So Without

Yes, I have repeated the same mistakes even after this examination. Remember, old habits can die hard. I seek to make new habits but in the mean time old challenging neural pathway routes, that are well entrenched, are firing while I endeavor to take a different path. Understanding this can bring great freedom.

It can also speed up the time in which you make changes and develop new habits. New insights and awareness leads to new changes in behavior AND yet you still have to repeat successfully the new behaviors often enough for them to become habit. Think of it this way. Driving a car becomes habit, right? You know this already.

You could learn to drive on a smooth, empty road and develop the habits for driving as you do. This is a given. Practice correctly long enough and habits take hold. You could also learn to drive on a horribly bumpy challenging road with tons or traffic comprised of horrible drivers. Either way you learn and make habit.

Conditions and circumstances will be whatever they are while you are learning new things. To expect the world to stop being the world and conform for you may be silly or it may be a great belief to have. OR it may be silly. You have to decide that. I find it useful to focus on what I can change and let the world be whatever it is.

As Above So Below

Sometimes I bristle at what is offered. Most of my life pain has come from resisting what the world offered. Once, I began to learn that it was up to me and my response to what was offered AND NOT WHAT ACTUALLY HAPPENS, life became far more incredible and enjoyable. Then I stopped trying to change the world and changed myself instead. This gives me so much more opportunity.

After the argument, other events unfolded.  I got injured. There were some big issues and problems but I won’t go into details as they don’t matter. It was frustrating, to say the least. I shouted out one major expletive, at one point, when I realized my entire day plans shifted.  My phone broke earlier, I had issues with my car, and I had an appointment that now began to appear unlikely.

I had a ADR session at Cinespace Studios in Chicago. For those who don’t know what this is, it means, I had to record some dialog to replace some lines in a feature film I acted in. I couldn’t reach the director and staff to let them know what went on or when I could now arrive. Eventually, I solved this and got an email through.

My morning appointment changed to mid afternoon, possibly, depending, on traffic. I had to leave. I bought a new phone prior to leaving but service never kicked in. I had no way to call the studio and let them know of delays, I couldn’t communicate with family, I had no GPS and now faced returning late in the evening instead of by mid afternoon.

We All Have An Incredible Opportunity To Learn To Be Better

There was a lot more going on that I am not reporting. I don’t mention any of this other than to point our, as we all already know, shit can hit the fan. It does.  Then I caught hold of myself. I took a deep breath! I didn’t like this at first, but had I survived the 80’s. Travel would be just fine.  In fact, everything would be fine.

I had let it spiral out of control for a little while. If truth be told, given the circumstances, I handled it far better than I would have years ago. My actions I was least please with involved the argument, so I sought to repair that prior to leaving. We worked it out which made us both feel better.  Still, I had been injured, and car problems.

I woke up! I woke up to the fact that all this was going on. Why? I don’t know? I don’t ask why. I am trying to point that out. Why doesn’t help me. What helps me is this: ‘Okay, this is as it is. What opportunity exists for me in the situation as it is? It is what it is. What can I learn? What do I need to learn?  How can I accept what is going on? What do I need to let go of? What is important and what is not?’

IN THAT MOMENT, as I ask myself questions and realize ALL is perfect, even when tumultuous, everything settles! I understand. IT does not matter what is going on ON the outside. It matters what is going on ON the inside! What matters is what I am thinking and feeling and whether I am responding or reacting. From within to without!

Transformation Occurs In An Instant

If I catch myself reacting I have an opportunity to respond. I CAN respond as I had reacted or I CAN respond differently. A choice point opens up because of awareness. It allows for a new and different decision to made. The opportunity arises to decide now, in this moment, to do things differently. Change! I CAN change!

Instead of being a victim to circumstances I take control of me. I accept what IS and I know that I can handle any circumstances life throws at me. There is the saying; ‘God won’t test you more than you are capable. Why does god think I am so strong?’ I don’t know or care if anyone is testing me. I know that when ‘tested’ I can make the difference when I take responsibility.

As I write this, I hope you realize this is not really about me. I am using my experiences as an example, that’s true. BUT I am attempting to focus on the process I have learned and not me the person. Any of us can do use this process. My main point is you can transform anything in a moment when you transform from within.

The world around may be tumultuous but you find calm and peace within. You may find confidence and strength, you may find a smile and delight. You might even think: ‘Okay bring it I can handle anything you bring’. When you think that way, YOU CAN handle anything. Your thoughts create your reality. If life hands you lemons you make lemonade by changing you attitude.

Power Comes From Making A Decision

Most of us try to change the circumstances. The circumstances are what they are. Change your thoughts first. Then whether or not circumstances change you will have. I can promise you this. First, change yourself so that you are in a more positive, confident, productive place and you have a better chance of helping the circumstances to improve. Otherwise, don’t count on it.

If circumstances don’t change you are still positive, confident and productive! Attitude determines your altitude. The drive to the studio was quite easy. It was relaxing and enjoyable. The parking guard and I chatted for awhile. I enjoyed him. The director, technicians and session, all good. I’m glad I got there to do it!

I left, chatted some more with guard. He noticed my new phone, still not working and recommend I get a case for it. We parted. I drove back. I got back late but not TOO late. The day went great. The drive was fine. It took longer than expected but I used the time to think and listen to inspiring audio. I learned a lot from all that happened. I also learned how to improve my relationship with a loved one.

I returned home and to my argument partner who surprised me by brining home a fabulous dinner from a classy restaurant! We hugged and enjoyed each other. All is good. It is what it is! Everything is and was perfect. You could assume it was all predestined or all haphazard. What matters most is what we take from it. Learn from it.

The Quality Of Your Decisions Determine The Quality Of Your Life

We can’t ever replace learning to improve. What we resist persists. The more flexible we are the more choices we have. The more choices the greater range of opportunity and to discover what works. If we only have one way of perceiving or one way of doing we will obviously be limited in what we can accomplish. Seek to be more aware.

Turns out my day was fabulous, I declare it. I learned an immense amount. I was challenged on numerous fronts. So what. I found my center and operated from it. Circumstances stayed what they were. I changed. It was what it was and it is what it is. I like days like this. Bring it! Bring more of them! I want to improve my relationships and live a marvelous life. Whatever helps me do more of that BRING IT!

Seek to be accepting, allowing, because it is when we allow, when we relax, when we let go, we can see more clearly what hampers us. As we learn better, how we can be different, we do need to implement what we learn and repeat it again and again to condition our minds, our feelings and our behaviors. We become aware, and then use it over an over to make the new learning habitual. Habits matter!

We evolve. We become more positive and as a result more capable. The more we do the MORE we are ABLE to do. I love this process of discovery and implementation. I love this life. I do! Even when it is rough at times. I think, if Job could endure I can. Bring it!

I will learn from it (eventually) and I will rise to meet any challenge. Ultimately I love and enjoy and celebrate my life. So bring it because I will transform!” Rex Sikes

Today is what you make of it!

If you like these posts please subscribe. If you think these posts would help others please share them. Help Spread the word. 

Horizons photo used with permission of Phil Koch.

NEW BLOG SITE LAUNCHES SOON – Do you get this blog emailed to you? You will have  to again subscribe to this blog, newsletter. I’d hate for you to miss anything when it switches. Subscribe and Follow Daily Inspiration and Gratitude!