“Far be it from me to tell you what to do or how to live. There are numerous choices and responses when someone is verbally wailing on you or creating a hassle. You have to choose. This option has worked for me. I am happy to share. It is quite simple.
It is not always easy. When some assaults you verbally, warranted or not, I find the best response is to hold my tongue. Adopt the attitude that they are correct and have useful feedback for to learn. It is really an opportunity. The verbal attack will pass eventually.
I forgive them and myself for harboring any thoughts of revenge. What I discovered long ago, is that, when someone unleashes their fury on you, and blames or accuses you, typically it is misplaced anger or some emotion. Firing back only exasperates it.
How Others Judge You May Be More About Them Than You
Responding in kind, or attempting to defend, only brings more as it pushes them into fight or flight. So hold you tongue. Simply say, ‘Okay, thanks. I hear you.’ or something to that effect. Watch your tone and your non-verbals. You can’t look menacing and say this.
You have to really convey that you get it. It is all okay. Thanks for the feedback. ‘I’m sorry’. I do not mean you assume as passive role or give in to them, but if the relationship is meaningful to you, it is best not to cross swords, but let their fury pass. Then discuss it.
Honor the person with love and acceptance. Your behavior may not make any difference to them. They may still unleash but if you are smart, you will take what they are saying as an opportunity to self-reflect and see if there isn’t some merit to what they say.
Be Open To Feedback – Be Willing To Learn And To Change
There usually is, even if it isn’t as exaggerated as they make it. The most important thing to do is look for the gold within the other person and not get caught up in negativity. Accentuate the positive and shower the person silently with love. This helps you the most.
As long as their behavior doesn’t constitute a pattern of verbal or physical abuse, but the occasional ranting of a loved one, this can work wonders. It can help heal and smooth over disruptive or explosive arguments. Be grateful. Be compassionate.
Be kind and loving. Allow them to be who they are, even when you may not like it. Hopefully, they will learn to do the same for you. BUT if not, you have chosen a higher road. Believe it or not, they may actually be correct in their assessments, too. Celebrate everything!” Rex Sikes
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Horizons photo used with permission of Phil Koch