Category Archives: Boundaries

What To Do When Someone Rags On You!

“Far be it from me to tell you what to do or how to live. There are numerous choices and responses when someone is verbally wailing on you or creating a hassle. You have to choose. This option has worked for me. I am happy to share. It is quite simple.

It is not always easy. When some assaults you verbally, warranted or not, I find the best response is to hold my tongue. Adopt the attitude that they are correct and have useful feedback for to learn. It is really an opportunity. The verbal attack will pass eventually.

I forgive them and myself for harboring any thoughts of revenge. What I discovered long ago, is that, when someone unleashes their fury on you, and blames or accuses you, typically it is misplaced anger or some emotion. Firing back only exasperates it.

How Others Judge You May Be More About Them Than You

Responding in kind, or attempting to defend, only brings more as it pushes them into fight or flight. So hold you tongue. Simply say, ‘Okay, thanks. I hear you.’ or something to that effect. Watch your tone and your non-verbals.  You can’t look menacing and say this.

You have to really convey that you get it. It is all okay. Thanks for the feedback. ‘I’m sorry’. I do not mean you assume as passive role or give in to them, but if the relationship is meaningful to you, it is best not to cross swords, but let their fury pass. Then discuss it.

Honor the person with love and acceptance. Your behavior may not make any difference to them. They may still unleash but if you are smart, you will take what they are saying as an opportunity to self-reflect and see if there isn’t some merit to what they say.

Be Open To Feedback – Be Willing To Learn And To Change

There usually is, even if it isn’t as exaggerated as they make it. The most important thing to do is look for the gold within the other person and not get caught up in negativity. Accentuate the positive and shower the person silently with love. This helps you the most.

As long as their behavior doesn’t constitute a pattern of verbal or physical abuse,  but the occasional ranting of a loved one, this can work wonders. It can help heal and smooth over disruptive or explosive arguments. Be grateful. Be compassionate.

Be kind and loving. Allow them to be who they are, even when  you may not like it. Hopefully, they will learn to do the same for you. BUT if not, you have chosen a higher road. Believe it or not, they may actually be correct in their assessments, too. Celebrate everything!” Rex Sikes

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Horizons photo used with permission of Phil Koch

Is Media Trying To Addict You And Dumb You Down?

“Lots of news. Lots happening. Daily breaking news. Media messages bombard us on TV, newspapers, blogs, internet, social media. We are hit with thousands of messages every moment. We can’t escape it any more than we can escape microwaves and cell towers.

Some think the media manipulates us. It could be that is accurate. It can try, at least. It can wear us down so we are apathetic and don’t care anymore. A lie repeated often enough can be substituted as the truth. We get dumber, not smarter. Yes, it can have this affect.

It may be that it’s designed to make us feel helpless or hopeless. It may be done to control our thinking; tell us what to think and believe. We are products of our family, peer groups and society. Manipulation is not that big of a stretch, to think it not possible.

Simplify Your Life – Learn To Say No – Keep Your Power

However, it doesn’t control you, unless you let it. If you let it run your thoughts, then, yes, perhaps, it has that power to influence. It can’t control you, but it may influence you. If you don’t let it, it can’t. You are in charge. There is a question you might ask about media.

Do I feel more empowered and in charge by what I see and hear daily or do I feel more helpless and hopeless? Evaluate the affect you think it has on you. If you feel less than glorious, less in charge, more helpless and hopeless, then you can act to change it.

There is no reason to remain a victim. Pay attention. Everything is designed to make you an addict. Food additives, MSG, HFCS, and others in processed food. Nicotine in cigarettes. Alcohol. Media which includes movies, books and music. They want us consuming.

Want More Time Freedom Energy And Money – Start Saying No

People are addicted to news. People are addicted to BAD news. What we focus on is what we get. I don’t know if it is nefarious. Are there powers trying to dumb down the people for total domination? Perhaps. More likely, just trying to get you to part with your dollars.

Claim your life and your mind and your time and your health back. Take it all back and put yourself in charge of you. Decide what you want and whether or not it gets you closer, or further away, from your hopes, goals and dreams. You are either thriving or dying.

Put a premium on your time because that you NEVER get back. Instead of struggling decide and determine to make life fun. Make it an adventure. Enjoy it. Delight and thrill. Transform it through the renewing of your mind and heart. Practice gratitude. Limit the negativity. Promote the positivity. Celebrate everything!” Rex Sikes

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Horizons photo used with permission of Phil Koch.

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You Must Maintain Your Boundaries Too

horizons-morning-fresh-phil-koch

“Boundaries are important. Their boundaries and your boundaries. You ought not cross theirs nor should they cross yours. So what to do? Treat them with respect and expect the same in return. Don’t demand and be nasty about it. Stay nice, but firm if you must.

Know when someone is wasting your time or mistreating you. Be prepared to say no when it is necessary. Don’t let people abuse your time or your generosity. This may be rare, especially, if you take care to learn how to better read people. If it isn’t check in on yourself.

If you are constantly having squabbles and issues then it is likely you need to make some changes. Remember, it is not easy to change others. It is far more productive and beneficial to change yourself and your responses to others. That is within your control.

A Lack Of Boundaries Invites A Lack Of Respect 

When people try to take advantage or abuse your time, generosity or more, be firm, be polite, be final about it. You can gently put your foot down without destroying the other person. Let the person know you have boundaries you won’t allow to be violated.

There are people who have no regard. Still, you should treat them fairly and with kindness. Speak only to bless, heal and prosper. Don’t let them get to you. Your attitude and behavior in the worst situation is a reflection of your character. Seek the higher pathway.

Your character builds reputation. Your reputation as a friend or business person will precede you. It is obvious you want to be known as the best friend, the most reliable, honest, trustworthy, easy to do business with business person. That will be of great help to you.

No – Is A Complete Sentence  – Give Respect And Get Respect

Napoleon Hill stated he had three walls. An outer wall that was low and had a few doors in it many people could access. Not everyone but many. The next wall was higher with one door in it. Far fewer were allowed entry. Only necessary people got admitted in.

The last wall was very high and only a handful could gain access at times. This was his metaphor for prioritizing his time, and energy and maintaining privacy. People could gain access depending how closely they were associated with to him or how important it was.

It is necessary to maintain your own boundaries. You shouldn’t have to fight to preserve them. Know when to say no and when not to. Pick your battles wisely. You don’t always have to be all things to all people. I simply want you to understand this. You are important.

Boundaries Are Normal Healthy And Necessary

Nurture and take care of and love yourself. Appreciate others and appreciate yourself. Respect yourself. Then others will too. If you aren’t egotistical, if you don’t flaunt it and are not a snob, but are confident, well-adjusted with a sense of humor and self respect others will respect and like you all the more. Be authentic. Be kind and be grateful. Celebrate everything!” Rex Sikes

Take care of yourself, today!

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Photo used with permission of Phil Koch.

NEW BLOG SITE LAUNCHES SOON – Do you get this blog emailed to you? You will have  to again subscribe to this blog, newsletter. I’d hate for you to miss anything when it switches. Subscribe and Follow Daily Inspiration and Gratitude!