How To Stop Resentments & End Suffering

horizon purple flowers

“Have you carried a grudge or resentment about someone long after the reason for those feelings occurred? Have you carried around in yourself guilt, or shame or disappointment for something you may have done in your past? Many people do.

They live life looking backward at pain, hurt and injustice whether it is their own or in relation to someone else. Wherever they go they carry hurt with them as old baggage. Do you ever get hot under the collar because people you know, or even strangers, don’t follow the rules or do things you disagree with? 

What Load Have You Carried

Time for a story.

Two monks approached a river. On the banks stood a lovely and solitary woman attempting to cross. She was frightened. One monk picks up the woman and allows her to ride on his shoulders as he made his way across the waters. On the shore, at the other side, he set her down and he continued on his way.

His companion, the other monk, grew angry. He walked with him in silence getting madder and madder. Many miles later they reached the monastery. Now, this angry monk exclaimed, ‘You know I must report you! What you did is prohibited. It goes against all our rules. The Master must hear about this!’

The first monk replied, ‘What on earth are you talking about?’

‘I cannot believe you touched that woman. You know our religion forbids it. You not only touched her you carried her. You broke our rules and I have no choice but to report you to the master!’

The offending monk laughed and replied, ‘Oh, yes, I carried her but I left her at the river many miles ago. Are you still carrying her?’

What Are You Still Carrying

Often what we see in others are our projections. We put onto them what we ourselves repress. We reject them or get angry about their behaviors when really it is us who should reflect and see what is going on within us. The other person is only a mirror.

If you are upset about what another person does; family member, friend, co-worker or stranger look within and seek to discover why it bothers you. Don’t just stop at the reason, keep looking and see if there isn’t something you could or should let go of.

Two monks but only one is bothered.

One monk walks getting hotter and hotter. The other just walks.

There is turmoil in the angry monk because of his understanding of the rules, his beliefs, what he does or doesn’t do, what he thinks others should do. What he believes is right. Many conflicts and many thoughts. Much passion and suffering.

What Can You Let Go Of

The only one suffering is the angry monk. It is what he is doing on the inside that causes the heat and the pain. Do you feel he is justified? Maybe, he is angry with good reason? Do you feel the first monk understands it better? Is one freer than the other?

If you feel the heat around what others do look within at what you can let go of that causes you to suffer. Understand it, learn from it and drop it. Take the lesson and then move on. Why needlessly suffer? Why not learn, let go and be free?

Don’t muck up your present with issues and grievances from the past.

Learn to drop those thoughts, feelings and experiences from your past when you got angry or are disappointed with yourself. There is no reason to carry resentment toward you or anyone else.

Stop Judging And Start Living

Whether aimed at yourself or another let them go. Drop them. They aren’t hurting anyone except yourself.  Stop making anyone wrong. Learn from them and leave them.  Turn your attention away from the grievance. Put your attention on finding wonderful things! Live free!

Look to what you can find that makes you feel good. If it isn’t obvious right away, keep looking. Look to the thoughts and behaviors you appreciate. Look for what you can celebrate. Find the best within you! Count your blessings. Remember the good times. Focus on what uplifts!

Find the best within others! I repeat: Find the best within others. Look for the finest in those around you. Recognize it, emphasize it and acknowledge it. Do this for them AND for you and your life will change for the better! Focus on what you want life to be!

Live with gratitude. Live counting your blessings and feeling truly blessed in all ways. Life is too short to live feeling angry, resentful, hostile, or sad, worrisome and fearful. Live with confidence, live with joy, live in delight! Stop judging and start living!” Rex Sikes

Live in delight today!

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*Horizons photo used with permission of Phil Koch.

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3 thoughts on “How To Stop Resentments & End Suffering”

  1. Hi, I don’t know if you’ll see this but I thought i’d try. I read your posts every day like a newspaper. I tried all your techniques for the past month and have had nothing work for me. I’ve lost my faith on top of it. You know, when things just don’t seem to go your way and are really difficult. What can I do? I tried small steps and nothing. I tried big steps and nothing. Things are very rough right now. How do I get back on track? Can you address this in a post or something. When you think all is lost, when it doesnt go the way you are trying, seeing yourself in a certain good way, and asking, etc. What do you do then? thank you R

    Date: Thu, 23 Jul 2015 11:21:21 +0000 To:


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