“If you have read my previous two blog posts on How to Get Through Any Difficulty and Past Any Limitations you know the answer to how you can transform positively and more quickly.
I continue to share more of the refinements and back story you can use to change more readily and easily.
This is Part 3 continued from How To Get Through Any Difficulty.
I kept repeatedly asking questions. I kept asking better and better questions, improving on them, tailoring them until I experienced changing and more relief. Soon, I began to notice myself growing in confidence and well being.
Keep The Positive Direction In Mind
I found myself though trial and error asking a better quality of questions. My questions became more more powerful and efficient. For example, instead of asking, ‘how long’ something would take I asked ‘how soon’ or ‘how quickly’ it would occur.
I asked, ‘how easily’ I might notice new things, or make changes, or direct my attention in positive ways. I got clearer in my mind. I stopped focusing on what I didn’t want.
I was becoming focused on what I did want. I focused on what I DID want to see, hear and feel. I concentrated on thoughts and behaviors that were positive, good and ultimately glorious.
I focused on feeling confident. I aimed my mind. I didn’t focus on the weakness I was overcoming or insecurity but on feeling strong and confident already. I learned not to put it off but to think it now.
I did not say things such as, ‘I wonder how soon before I am not feeling insecure?’ You do understand why this is a poor question. If I say don’t think of a blue elephant what do you do? If I say, ‘not insecure’ the same thing happens.
The brain doesn’t think in terms of ‘not’ or ‘don’t.’ I didn’t want to be asking ‘I wonder how soon before I am insecure?’ That is how the brain handles a negative. It drops it out. You have to say precisely what you want. You have to aim it towards what you DO want.
Use Positive Phrasing To Say What You Want
My direction changed from,’ I don’t want to, or I no longer want to feel this or that’ to ‘I want to be more confident and powerful. I want to think more positive. I want to see opportunity.’
‘I want to notice the good things in me and the world.’ ‘ I want to tell myself things and always speak nicely to me.’ ‘I want to be kind to me.’ ‘l want to be more loving and accepting.’
‘I not only want to discover these more fully but to experience and live these moment to moment.’ I asked how I could feel wonderful, powerful, delighted. What I would notice or find and discover and be.
Soon I was asking, ‘How quickly will I discover how incredible it is to live each moment more fully and feel totally alive?’ I had no mental answers for any of it. I was learning there were word tricks that made things more powerful.
For example, I could live life ‘fully’ or I could live life ‘more fully’. Do you get the difference. The first one suggests I will arrive somewhere. The second one suggests I am already living fully and can add to that enjoyment by living more fully.
Another simple example is I could make changes OR I could ‘readily’ make changes. Another one is; I could ‘easily’ make changes. There are many ways to spice up the questions we ask ourselves to make them much more powerful.
Learn To Enjoy Life More and More
I wasn’t asking to get answers. Okay, well, some aspect of me still held out hope that she and I would get back together and I did want to know how soon and what to do to make that happen.
Mostly, however, I was in a process of transforming myself and discovering all the good things about me I didn’t know previously.
Around 5 almost six weeks after I first sat down I left my chair. I faced the world. It wasn’t a powerful bursting onto the scene. It wasn’t lightening and thunder and trumpets announcing my return.
I felt pretty good yet, was still a bit apprehensive, I wasn’t sure of everything but I was a heck of a lot better off than I was in that chair. I was far better than living the events that led up to being in that chair. I was a world away from the trauma.
Eventually, she and I ended up face to face. It wasn’t ever going to be the same. We tried being friends. It wasn’t going to work. I was still pretty upset at the demise of our relationship and what had happened to me that started everything off.
Asking The Right Questions Is A Skill For Life
BUT I had learned I could ask questions to direct my mind. I had a new ability. I had a powerful new skill I could immediately use any place and time. I could use it with anyone and for anything. I was feeling better and getting some pretty strong results.
So I continued to ask questions. What almost happened, and I am so glad it didn’t, was that the method I discovered to rescue myself, I nearly treated as a life preserver.
Said differently. I could have used this to bail me out of a crisis situation and then left it behind as I moved into new things. Fortunately, I didn’t. I realized it was a skill for life.
I could have used it to stay alive and then move on. Had I done that nothing would have really changed. In real life you don’t carry the life preserver with you. That would be like carrying your sack of belongings.
Had we got back together it’s probable I wouldn’t have learned to transform my life. Maybe, I would have gone through something else. Who knows? I might have recovered, gone on as the same person, a bit better off but the same.
Sooner or later something else would have most likely occurred again that would put me back in a similar hell.
Use Questions Anytime Anywhere For Anything
Instead of abandoning the questions that got me to face the world I found I could ask them for all facets of my life. I could use them daily to make life better. I could use them to ease disappointment. I could use them to direct my attention to solutions instead of problems.
The best thing that happened, for me, was we did not resume a relationship. Of course, I can say that now. Because we didn’t get back together I had to deal with it. I had to continue the process I learned in the chair.
I sat in the chair asking questions so that I could face the girl and the world. Now I had to ask questions to get along in the world without the girl. While it was difficult I now had a method for moving on forward instead of remaining stuck.
That terrible period of time lasted more than a year. I know it was the best thing that could have happened to me, ultimately. I am one of those who can look back and say, ‘had it not been for that crisis I would not have the wonderful life I have now. I am so grateful! Life really is good!!
End Chronic Negative Thinking
You can change more easily and powerfully than you might presently imagine. You may not think you are able because for many years you have thought the way you have. That’s just habitual or chronic thinking. You have been conditioned to not think it would be easy.
You can change your thoughts and you can change yourself. You can learn new habits, as I did in that chair, that will transform you. I learned the habit of asking questions. It replaced some old negative habits. You can learn too. Make positive questions a habit for you.
You can transform old and current wounds into opportunities and great possibilities. You can. You really truly can! BUT YOU have to decide to. It is up to you and no one else but you.
Everything can work out for the best! You have to give it a chance. You have to create that opportunity.
Organize your life around making the change. Ask yourself questions to direct your mind in positive ways. You don’t have to sit in a chair or isolate yourself.
You just add them in bit by bit until it is the preponderance of what you are thinking? Day by day, step by step you get closer.
You won’t though if you don’t take the first step. You have to take the first step! Then keep taking more steps one at a time.
The Quality Of Your Life Is Determined By The Quality Of Your Questions
After my relationship and later encounters with the woman, who at that time was,’the love of my life, the woman of my dreams’ I realized I didn’t want her. She was fine person but not for me.
Why, I originally wanted her and the relationship had little to do with her anyway. It fulfilled me. That isn’t meant to be a statement about her at all. She was and is a fine person.
I discovered that I wasn’t loving her for her. I was loving her for me. While this made me feel good while we were together it wasn’t good for either of us.
It also really hurt me. It was not because of who she was or what she did. It wasn’t anything like that. It was because of the pre-existing holes in me when everything happened.
Anyway, time marched on. Life wasn’t perfect. It was life. I continued to ask questions and life improved and I moved forward. As I continued life did get better. Then, I noticed that with my improved attitude everything was much better. And then better again.
Eventually, I began sharing my process of questions with others. I sought out ways to present it in programs. I have been sharing it ever since. So many people have benefited from Directed Questions™.
I am sure there were people before me who discovered this in a similar way. Certainly, there have been a number who have come after me. I am not special.
Be Willing To Ask – Be Willing To Explore
In the worst moments of my life, when I seriously wanted to end it all, I found a glimmer of light. I had determined that if I couldn’t get out of that chair then there would be no point to continue. I either did it or that would be where they would find me.
How do you think I feel now as a father of two of the most amazing children in my life? Do you think I am glad, at least a little bit, that I found a breakthrough? I am deliriously happy. Life is an incredible celebration and I am one of the luckiest people alive.
Sometime, I will share how a doctor nearly killed me. That was the event that led to all this.
Since that time nearly 40 years ago I have had other crisis situations. I’ve have had loss, death, disappointment, business go bust, divorce and minor and major upsets. We all do. The ocean is beautiful, calm and tumultuous at times. There are sunny days and stormy days.
Since learning to apply these questions and control and manage my thoughts, attitudes, and beliefs I have had much success, immense happiness and joy and I live and incredibly fulfilling life. It doesn’t matter what is going on outside of us what matters is what goes on inside us.
Take Control – Live As A Champion
You can discover more joy, love, peace, happiness and all good things when you dedicate yourself to you. Take control. Determine to be your own personal champion and live like it.
Take charge and live with passion. Live with purpose. No one else can live it for you but you! If I can this so can you. You can improve your life.
Let go of the past, forgive yourself and others. Learn from it and then turn your back. Get into the now and live it fully. Have faith that tomorrow is going to be wonderful too.
Be grateful and live with gratitude. Feel it fully and bask in the wonderful feelings.
Ask questions, direct your mind. Affirm what you want. You become what you think about most during your day. So become glorious and positive and powerful. The future will be incredible. It all depends on what you do now. Begin today!” Rex Sikes
Every day is a new day! Begin anew!
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*Horizons photo used with permission of Phil Koch.
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