Fear, Habit Formation, Overcoming Difficulty, Personal Development

We Live In A Parallel Universe: Use It To Go Beyond Your Fears

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“In my recent blog I discussed Systematic Desensitization (SD) as a useful method for getting over fears and phobias. There are other approaches that are very effective too. NLP has a Fast Phobia Cure that can work wonders. Here is a reason why I mentioned SD.

Little by little the individual gets desensitized to the trigger for fear through exposure. They are repeatedly and safely exposed to the stimulus, or source of their fear, which lessens its impact; thereby diminishing their emotional reaction to it. Bit by bit they change.

They experience less and less discomfort. The ‘item’ is brought nearer and nearer to them. Not too quickly. Just as rapidly as the person can maintain comfort in the presence of the trigger. If it get close too quickly, they back it up a bit, until the reaction lessens.

Everything You Want Is On The Other Side Of Fear

Then try again later or another day. For example, the SD practitioner presents the ‘item’ to them from across the room. The next time a few steps closer. Next time, more steps closer. Until they are next to the person, whereby the person can handle the item if they choose.

After repeating this for long enough the person typically experiences a reduction in fear. This illustrates a couple of noteworthy points. One a person can get over what they are afraid of by facing it. Yes, they face it in a particular, and safe fashion.

The point is they can learn to get over it. They learn it is not so bad. They learn they can get over feeling afraid. Imagine if they did this ONE thing how many other things they could learn to do, as well. They learned to be afraid. NOW they learned they can control it.

Don’t Let Fear Stop You – If You Can’t You Must – Face Your Fears

People can control their emotions, thoughts, internal pictures, voices, and feelings. They can learn to behave differently. They learned to diminish the fear reaction and overcome it, even if they don’t totally eliminate it. BUT they learn something else, too.

Here is the parallel notion coming in. At the same time they are diminishing their fear they are learning to feel more positive and confident. They are learning they can exist with their fear, face it and be brave and overcome it. They are learning control. Self-control!

It is not that the fear is taken away and nothing left in its place. Remember, nature abhors a vacuum. Instead of just no fear confidence, bravery or some other positive emotion simultaneously comes in to fill the gap. Whatever the person originally wanted.

Courage Is The Ability To Keep Going In Spite Of Being Afraid

Most likely, they wanted to ‘not feel afraid’. Remember, what I have shared with you about the word ‘not’, negativity, and the brain. You can’t not think of a pink cat with zebra stripes wearing a yellow hat, right now. Can you? Don’t think about it. Too late! Oops. Get it?

For some people they could have learned to get over it simply by repeating affirmations and deciding to. For others, they need to face and remove the fear first. Then, simultaneously, fear is replaced with something positive. Either way, the result can be the same.

No fear, more confidence. So in SD the individual is taught how to handle their fear and eliminate it or ‘not’ experience it by building up comfort and familiarity through repeated exposure. Safe repetition is the key. Repetition IS the mother of ALL skill. It works powerfully.

We Have Nothing To Fear Except Fear Itself – Keep On Going 

Another example. A person learns to speak comfortably to one person. Then two. Then three or four. Then 6 or 8. The 10 or 20. Then 30 or 50. Beginning with small numbers the person shares information with increasingly larger sized groups. Guess what?

People learn to get over their fear of public speaking. Once they learn it isn’t so scary they learn it can be fun and enjoyable. They become comfortable with doing it by becoming familiar with the process. Items can be added or subtracted. The point? It works!

We often are more comfortable with those which we are familiar with. Most people fear the unknown. They are afraid of what might happen or what they don’t know, that they imagine, could happen. They are afraid of strangers, animals, flying, foods. You name it.

Even The Darkest Night Ends And The Sun Rises

By repeatedly exposing them to the fear trigger, they face it and develop both familiarity and comfort. You can learn to do anything! You can overcome any debilitating fear this way. Gently and safely. Here is the good news! This is the same way you build any skill.

You repeatedly do it. You familiarize yourself with it and get comfortable or accustomed doing it. It is the same way you build a muscle. Repeat the exercise gradually increasing resistance. You can learn to get over shyness, public speaking and do anything you want.

You can take any desire that you want and turn it into a burning hot desire. You can take any lie and begin to believe it. Some lies are not worth believing. Those include falsehoods of all kinds but most particularly ‘I can’t’ statements, self doubt or criticism.

It Is By Facing Your Fears And Problems You Become Strong

You can begin to believe more useful beliefs like ‘I can’ statements and positive useful affirmations such as ‘I can learn to do anything when I commit to it. I can learn to feel brave and move forward. I can learn to make lots of money easily. I can learn to love and be loved.’

‘I can accept compliments graciously. I can learn to get along with all sorts of people; those like me and those completely different than me. I can learn to listen to opposing viewpoints and feel confident in letting the person keep their ideas without trying to change them.’

‘I am in the process of learning how to speak to groups of people and feel comfortable. I can learn to make any positive change I want. I can eliminate bad habits and fears and move confidently forward. I can be a loving and kind partner and parent. I love my life!’

Whether You Think You Can Or You Can’t – You Are Right

If the mental leap from not being able to do it to being to do it, is at first, too large, you can inch way there by strengthening your word choices. You can start gently by saying, ‘I am beginning to learn I can feel confident’ I am in the process of leaning to feel stronger’.

‘I am beginning to feel much better. I am feeling wonderful. ‘I feel powerful. I am powerful. I have great power. I am confident. I exude strength and comfort easily and effortlessly. I rock! I am strong!’ You work your way up to it through repeated exposure. Anyone can!

This is how our beliefs, thought, feeling and behavioral habits were and are formed. We can learn to overcome the dark side while simultaneously strengthening the  good side. Through repetition we builds bad habits or good habits. You too can make changes.

I Can Do Anything – No Mountain Too High – No Struggle Too Hard

You can make positive, permanent changes when you choose. Choose the best. All of us can increase our abilities and positive feelings.  We can amaze and delight ourselves by going beyond limitations into wonderful new ways of being. We can learn to be, do and have anything we want. We can definitely learn to celebrate everything!” Rex Sikes

Live passionately today!

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Communicating, Fear, Friendship, Overcoming Difficulty

Divided We Fall But United We Stand: So Why Don’t We Unite?

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“Divided we fall but united we stand. So why don’t we unite? We don’t unite because we are afraid. We have fears. We fear people who may be a bit different from us. People are more alike than they differ BUT what we pay attention to are those slight differences.

We fear opposite colors, religions, political parties, genders, people with money, people without money. We fear big people, little people anyone and everyone unlike us. We fear those from the inner city and the backwoods. We fear the unknown. We fear and fear.

We don’t have to but we do. Do you want to know the best way to get over your fears? OF ANYTHING? Do you know the way that actually works best. Science proves it! Exposure. Repeated exposure to what you fear desensitizes you to it! Imagine that!

There Is No Illusion Greater Than Fear – Face It And It Disappears

Face your fear and you conquer it! Systematic Desensitization (SD) works by gradually little by little exposing the person to the fear. For example, a particular insect, though not classed as one, scares many. It is okay to be afraid by the way as long as it doesn’t paralyze you.

If fear prevents you from doing what you want then you want to get ahold of it and change it. Conquer it. People who regularly risk their lives, troops, police, daredevils, firefighters, skydivers, climbers, divers, regularly, may feel scared but DO in spite of their fears.

Courage isn’t the absence of fear but going a head even while afraid. That is what bravery is. So With SD they expose the person to the ‘item’ at a distance, far enough away that the person can remain calm, even if uncomfortable. Bit by bit over time they move closer.

You Overcome Fear With Action – Go Through It Not Around It

No faster than the person remains comfortable. It may take minutes, hours, days or weeks but often, most often, the person not only finds that this alleviates their fear but some actually touch or hold the ‘item’. Not all will but many do. Regardless, they overcame their fear.

You can too. We all can. Whatever it is. We can do so safely. We can overcome our fear of people. We can unite instead of remaining afraid and divided. Perhaps, it is a way of controlling people to keep them fearing and fighting each other. Divide them and you control.

I prefer to get along with near about everyone. Too many cool people in the world to worry about the few that ain’t. Get it? Focus on what you want. There are far more good people in the world than bad. Every bad ass dictator has gone down. Consider that a moment.

Don’t Let Fear Of What Could Happen Make Nothing Happen

They had done horrible things and then perished. When tragedy or calamity strikes, people rush to help each other. We have lots of good strangers in the world. Sure, some aren’t but most are. There are more fair weather days than bad weather days. Really, there is.

It is all a lot better than we think it is. Why? Because most of us listen to the news or FB. Do you know studies indicate that using FB is depressing. Most of the feed stories are negative and most people combatant over hot topics. We just need to wean ourselves away.

Drop negativity and that which divides us. Stop fostering it. Stop allowing it. Let go of the fear of differences. Celebrate them. Celebrate the similarities too. Accept, allow, receive. Focus on what you want to create that is positive. Focus on good news. Do it!

Put Your Fears Behind You – Put Your Dreams In Front Of You

It is all possible. We can do it. We can unite. We can get along. We can move beyond argument and into agreement. We can look for that which brings us closer instead of that which separates us. We can create harmony and together celebrate everything!” Rex Sikes

Make a difference in someone’s life today!

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Attitude, Communicating, Responsibility, Win Win Outcomes

Wanting Without Manipulating: How To Create Win/Win Outcomes

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“You have wants. Other people have wants. How do you get what you want while they get what they want? This is the big question. Zig Ziglar is famous for saying ‘You can get anything you want if you just help enough people get what they want.’ It is true and it works!

The points to keep in mind are you have your want and others have theirs. If you both can get what you both want, or a significant part of each, then you both can win. If you both win you both are pleased you keep the relationship intact and can both win together again.

Create win/win outcomes that is your goal. First let us reframe a word that is difficult for people. The word is manipulate. There is nothing wrong with manipulation. Manipulation means to move from one place to another. You manipulate your car while driving.

 It’s Not Your Way Or My Way Together Let’s Find The Best Way

It is a less than glorious notion when applied to making people do things they wouldn’t want to do. I agree. If you engineer it so people aren’t served, so the outcome isn’t with their best interest in your heart then it isn’t a good thing. And manipulation can be good.

So let’s not be concerned with the dark aspect of this word as long as your intentions and purpose are to create a positive win for the other.  Just be certain you aren’t deceiving yourself into thinking you are doing it for them when you are really doing it just for yourself.

Be honest and clean with yourself. If you want your child to do homework because ultimately it benefits them you may manipulate them in some positive fashion. You may offer a reward. If it also allows you some relief and quiet time then you both win. Get it?

You Can Be Right And Alone – Or Together In A Good Relationship

You both should win. Your interests are important and so are theirs. The more you can make both parties benefit and be happy the better off you both will be. You will become known as a person of integrity and great value if you act with integrity and provide great value.

If you are pure in your heart and wish and work for the best for everyone you will win. If you give only to get and don’t care how you give or what you give but only want to serve yourself that ultimately reveals itself. You can’t hide true motives for very long. We leak info.

People can read each other. We feel it when something is off. We radiate and broadcast who we are everyday, all day. We can’t hide it. People can attempt to mask it, but eventually they are exposed in some fashion. It will definitely bite you on the ass at sometime.

Conflict Cannot Continue Without Your Participation – Let Go

Develop a genuine giving nature. It will come with practice. Give. Donate your time, energy or money to a worthy cause. Get involved. Little by little, just as with any habit, you will develop a giving muscle. Give happily. No one wants to be forced to give. Give what you can.

Don’t give and regret. Give and celebrate. Tiny steps at first if necessary. Practice negotiation. I am not suggesting you give away the farm when you work together with others. I am stating you need to find areas of agreement where you both are delighted; satisfied.

When it comes to adding value think absolutely knock your socks off customer service! Think wow how can I go above and beyond anyone else and make my customer (or relational partner or friends) fabulously delighted? WOW them and you win them! It is good biz!

 Blessed Are Those Who Can Give Without Remembering …

It is also good practice for family, friends and strangers. Go that extra mile that no one else will. Do it in your job, in all of  your relationships and in all areas of your life and you will benefit. Just do it for them, because you believe they deserve it and you enjoy it.

You deserve to get too. Remember that. You win and they win. They win and you win. That is your purpose for communicating and negotiating. Always leave them better off than before they met with you. And as in show business, ‘Always leave them wanting more!’

Get it. I hope so. Again, a major point. If you, make it a point, to celebrate all the people in your life you will feel much better. Even, and especially the challenging ones. Think, they are there for a reason. They’re there to help you grow and evolve as a person.

… And Blessed Are Those Who Can Take Without Forgetting

It doesn’t have to be true to be useful. It may be a reframe but utilize it for your benefit. Be grateful for the lessons learned. Be grateful for the challenges to grow stronger and wiser. Be grateful for the opportunity. Be grateful and enjoy. Delight and appreciate.

You are better off and move forward as you do. It will help you to create win/wins. Serve yourself and serve others. Then they are more apt to return in kind to you. It is the Law of Reciprocity in action. Give and get; get and give; joyously. Your life will transform. Celebrate everything!” Rex Sikes

Enjoy today!

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Boundaries, Communicating, Overcoming Difficulty, Responsibility

You Must Maintain Your Boundaries Too

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“Boundaries are important. Their boundaries and your boundaries. You ought not cross theirs nor should they cross yours. So what to do? Treat them with respect and expect the same in return. Don’t demand and be nasty about it. Stay nice, but firm if you must.

Know when someone is wasting your time or mistreating you. Be prepared to say no when it is necessary. Don’t let people abuse your time or your generosity. This may be rare, especially, if you take care to learn how to better read people. If it isn’t check in on yourself.

If you are constantly having squabbles and issues then it is likely you need to make some changes. Remember, it is not easy to change others. It is far more productive and beneficial to change yourself and your responses to others. That is within your control.

A Lack Of Boundaries Invites A Lack Of Respect 

When people try to take advantage or abuse your time, generosity or more, be firm, be polite, be final about it. You can gently put your foot down without destroying the other person. Let the person know you have boundaries you won’t allow to be violated.

There are people who have no regard. Still, you should treat them fairly and with kindness. Speak only to bless, heal and prosper. Don’t let them get to you. Your attitude and behavior in the worst situation is a reflection of your character. Seek the higher pathway.

Your character builds reputation. Your reputation as a friend or business person will precede you. It is obvious you want to be known as the best friend, the most reliable, honest, trustworthy, easy to do business with business person. That will be of great help to you.

No – Is A Complete Sentence  – Give Respect And Get Respect

Napoleon Hill stated he had three walls. An outer wall that was low and had a few doors in it many people could access. Not everyone but many. The next wall was higher with one door in it. Far fewer were allowed entry. Only necessary people got admitted in.

The last wall was very high and only a handful could gain access at times. This was his metaphor for prioritizing his time, and energy and maintaining privacy. People could gain access depending how closely they were associated with to him or how important it was.

It is necessary to maintain your own boundaries. You shouldn’t have to fight to preserve them. Know when to say no and when not to. Pick your battles wisely. You don’t always have to be all things to all people. I simply want you to understand this. You are important.

Boundaries Are Normal Healthy And Necessary

Nurture and take care of and love yourself. Appreciate others and appreciate yourself. Respect yourself. Then others will too. If you aren’t egotistical, if you don’t flaunt it and are not a snob, but are confident, well-adjusted with a sense of humor and self respect others will respect and like you all the more. Be authentic. Be kind and be grateful. Celebrate everything!” Rex Sikes

Take care of yourself, today!

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Photo used with permission of Phil Koch.

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Attitude, Communicating, Overcoming Difficulty, Rapport

How To Get What You Want During Disagreements

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“We return to ‘How To Get People To Do What You Want’ and how to influence others, personally and professionally, positively. How to get more yeses. A favorite person of mine Cheri Tree, speaks the truth. Have ever heard the following statement?

‘In order to get more yeses you gotta get more nos.’ Have you heard that? Get enough nos and you will eventually get a yes. I know I have. For decades I embraced that thought as well. Cheri says bull. ‘In order to get more yeses you gotta get yeses!’ I love it. It is so true.

I have been sharing in these pages exactly how to get more yeses. The principles and practices  for enabling you to do exactly that and much more. You want to evolve yourself into the kind of person for whom others can most easily say yes to. That is your personal task!

What Is Most Important To You – Getting Along Or Agreement

Become a person people like and want to do things for. Go the extra mile. Respect others if you want respect back. Right, you are following along on these concepts, correct? If you are then you know you must respect others needs, wants, time, money and energy.

You must respect their boundaries. Don’t cross them. Move no faster than the other person moves is a way to think about it. Follow their lead for awhile. You will get an opportunity to lead too. It is called pacing and leading and you must learn to do both and when.

For now, keep in mind, you want to respect their boundaries and do not violate them. If they don’t want to talk about something then don’t! Get it? You want to make them feel at ease. Put them at ease and let them know they can trust you. Then they absolutely will.

In The Middle Of Difficulty There Is Opportunity – Be Open Find It

On the other hand  there are times when you may have to cut your losses. You may have to walk away, politely, with a promise to resume at another time. As long as the ball is in your court you can determine what to do. Just do it in a respectful and friendly way.

If you maintain respect and friendliness you almost never burn bridges. Truth be told, you never want to burn a bridge, so do whatever you can to maintain it. In the meantime, unless one of those rare times surfaces,  stay open and stay flexible.

Keep adjusting and continuing to work toward understanding, connection and agreement, even if you agreement is to disagree. Remember, the relationship is important. Keep your purpose in mind. Why are you communicating in the first place?

Are You Strong And Big EnoughTo Overcome Disagreement

What is it you want? What do you want in the big picture? How do you create win/wins so all parties get what each wants? What do you have to do and keep doing in order to maintain rapport, trust and the relationship when you disagree? You must respectfully negotiate.

I’ll continue this discussion on boundaries in next blog. Meanwhile, understand there are times when things don’t go your way. Don’t get flustered, get centered. Stay open and available. Remain calm and collected. Gather your inner and out resources. Remain true.

Remain true to you and to higher principles. Be authentic. In the larger scheme of things how does this all fit in? If you don’t get what you want today what else will you do? How important is it? Ask yourself questions that support you in moving ahead in positively.

It Is Normal To Disagree – Can You Maintain Your Relationship

What do you have in common? What do you like about this person? How can you better understand what is important to them? How can you more effectively listen? How can you create better rapport and understanding? What can you do to enjoy communicating better?

Direct your mind toward positive outcomes by asking questions to guide you. Really ask yourself and listen quietly for the answers. Don’t allow yourself to be rushed. Stop, drop and breath! Drop everything, let go, breath and allow the answers to come to you.

Discover what there is to appreciate about your relationship. Access those feelings of gratitude. Emphasize the positive qualities and diminish differences and disagreement. Accentuate the positive! Feel the gratitude. Feel the blessings! Celebrate everything!” Rex Sikes

Today, nurture yourself and others!

If you like these posts – subscribe. If you think these posts would help others please share them. Help Spread the word

Photo used with permission of Phil Koch.

NEW BLOG SITE LAUNCHES SOON – Do you get this blog emailed to you? You will have  to again subscribe to this blog, newsletter. I’d hate for you to miss anything when it switches. Subscribe and Follow Daily Inspiration and Gratitude!

Attitude, Blessings, Celebration, Opportunity

Good Things Always Come Your Way If You Are Open To It

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I interrupt our series of blogs on ‘How To Get People To Do What You Want’ to share with you some wonderful bits about today. I enjoy the notions of synchronicity, coincidence, and happenstance. I enjoy the notions of attraction and manifestation. l like mystery.

I like magic. The mysterious and delightfully wonderful and bizarre mystic Gurdjieff wrote a fascinating book titled ‘Meetings With Remarkable Men’ which could be a book that I write. My life has been filled with remarkable people of high intelligence.

I have been surrounded by incredible spiritual mystics, deep thinkers, movers and shakers; people of vast wealth and influence, and great talent. I have been fortunate to have had, and today, still gain access to remarkable people of tremendous insight.

Create A Positive Atmosphere In Your Life And Good Will Happen

Many of the most influential people and profound mentors in my life have been powerful women. Many of these in the areas of health, and show business. Today, I was fortunate to be invited to lunch by a very, very wealthy influential gentleman who’ll remain nameless.

From Noon to 3:30 this afternoon I was delighted to spend time listening and learning and conversing with he and a few other friends he had invited. He bought us lunch and we hung out. At one point, I asked what he attributed his great success to.

He looked me in the eye and said, ‘I listen. I learned to listen well. I listen to everything and I remember it. I am a sneaky listener too. I listen to others when they talk. I listen so I can connect with people. I listen so that attention is off of me and on the other person.’

Be Patient The Best Things Happen Unexpectedly – Remain Open

He continued, ‘I listen. Then I know what is important to other people. I learn what they want and feel they need. Then, I know how to speak with them and help them begin to feel more fulfilled. It’s about the other person; not about me. I’m not that interesting.’

Later in my day, I I met a younger man who said he spent most of his life in special-education. Not as an instructor but as one labeled with special needs. He told me about himself. It was fascinating what he was doing with his life. He was making things happen. It was great.

He had a very positive attitude. He was a person of faith. He mentioned that he was learning to do something by watching YouTube videos over, and over, and over again. He’d watch powerful speakers speak and we would learn their positive messages.

Sometimes Good Things Need To End For Better Ones To Happen

He also mentioned he was learning to do dry wall. He stated it was basically very simple. The process  was measure twice cut and once. If you screw up do it again. It was simple and to the point. Mistakes were learning points but no big deal. Learn and improve.

One of the things that struck me most in what he shared was he said, ‘I can teach myself anything I want.’  And he does. Here’s a guy who spent his entire life labeled as a special needs kid stating he can teach himself to be anything he wants.  AND he is!

He recently moved to this area and was getting to know people and enjoying it, although it was much colder. Eventually, he hopes to move to the southeast. He was a fascinating person and his attitude is indeed marvelous. I enjoyed my time with people today.

Focus On What Matters Stay Positive – Good Things Will Happen

Each morning I wake up and my first thoughts are, ‘I love my life. Today, something magical will happen for me. I accept and allow all the unexpected good and gifts that come my way. What can I do to be of service? How might I help?’ I love waking up celebrating.

Then I find out how these manifest themselves. Every day I am delightfully surprised in big and small ways. Sometimes big wonderful things come my way and sometimes I am tickled. Each day I’m open proves to be fascinating and I meet remarkable people.

I learned a lot from two people at different ends of the financial spectrum today. What a fabulous blessing! I love my life. Let’s all look for what we can enjoy, delight in and learn from. We are surrounded by opportunity each and every moment. Let’s celebrate everything!” Rex Sikes

Today, live, love, learn and laugh!

If you like these posts – subscribe. If you think these posts would help others please share them. Help Spread the word

Photo used with permission of Phil Koch.

NEW BLOG SITE LAUNCHES SOON – Do you get this blog emailed to you? You will have  to again subscribe to this blog, newsletter. I’d hate for you to miss anything when it switches. Subscribe and Follow Daily Inspiration and Gratitude!

Attitude, Go First, Relationships, Responsibility

Would A Movie Company Be Willing To Take You Camping?

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“Would a movie production company be willing to take you camping? Heck, would any company take you camping? It is important that you be able to answer, ‘YES’! Do you know why? This is necessary to understand. People say ‘yes’ to people they like.

People want to hang around with people they like. Get it? No one wants to go camping, or be on a set, or work together with a person who is a downer. They’ll avoid the person who isn’t a team player. They don’t want to be around a selfish, self-absorbed complainer.

You need to be likable! Get known as a team player. Support other’s and allow others to support you. If you GO FIRST it is more likely they will want to support you in return. ALWAYS be willing to go first. Don’t wait for others. Set the gold standard. Take the initiative.

T.E.A.M. Together Everyone Achieves More – Be A Team Player

You get known by your actions. OR you get known by your lack of actions. You want to develop the best reputation you can. You will accomplish this when  you add value and go beyond what anyone else is willing to do. You will be highly regarded and sought after.

Your reputation precedes you! You are known by your fruits, or your behaviors. Actions speak louder than words. Remember this! Attitude is everything. It determines your altitude. How far you go, how successful you become, is determined by those around you.

No one ever makes it on their own. The term self-made is a fallacy. People make it together. One may rise or be pushed to the top but without the support of others, there is no where to go. You’re all in the same boat. You need to row in the same direction. Get this?

Good Players Inspire Themselves Great Players Inspire Others

Celebrate other workers successes. Provide genuine praise and enthusiasm. You succeed by helping others succeed. In the movie business, one of the industries I work in and enjoy, being someone who adds value, who is friendly and not a grumbler, is critical.

People tend to complain about their bosses, the job or project, other workers, the weather, you name it. If you don’t you get noticed for being positive and optimistic. When a movie company crews up and casts up one consideration, of course is, is the person qualified?

Whether one can do the job, or not, IS critical? What have they done before? Who has hired them? WHO is this job candidate? Their reputation is important. Who referred them are typical and critical questions. Still, there is a mindset that governs much of the hiring.

You Inspire Others By Showing Them How Incredible They Are

If we were going camping would we want to bring this person along? Would they be fun to have? Will they get along with everyone? Working together can be like a camping trip. It often is; on location, with movie companies. Do we want this person at the campfire?

If you’re the kind of person who is likable and who likes and helps everyone else, who goes the extra mile and adds value, while not being a pest or interfering then you are desirable. When you uplift others instead of bringing them down people tend to say yes to you.

People will be willing to go further for you and do what you want when you demonstrate you are willing to go first for them. When you support, uplift, are positive, friendly, honest, dependable, loyal they will want you on their team. Don’t gossip or grumble; you win.

You Can Succeed Best And Quickest Helping Others Succeed

On the other hand if you are known as a complainer, someone who gossips; a person who rains on the parade, who can’t or doesn’t do the job any boss, any company has little use for you. You might fool them at first but you won’t fool them for long. Do you get this?

Appreciate yourself. Appreciate others. Appreciate where you are, what you do, and life in general and you get further faster. Acknowledge others and support them. Celebrate their achievements and successes and you will win too. You will move up when you are a valuable person to have around. Celebrate everything!” Rex Sikes

Today, pay it forward!

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Communicating, Go First, Responsibility, Trust

Experts Reveal: Why You Win When You Go The Extra Mile

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“Don’t you just love it when someone goes out of their way to help you out or do something nice? I mean sure, sometimes the tendency is to not receive a gift because you don’t want to ‘put someone out’ or you don’t want to feel obligated. Still, it is nice, isn’t it?

Of course, it is. When some one does something for you, you appreciate it. When they do something extra special it is even more important and memorable. It has an impact. Remember, what I said a moment ago about being obligated. It stimulates reciprocity.

You want to return the kindness. If you want more people to say yes and become devoted to you or your business then be willing to provide far more value than you ask for in return. Go the extra mile. Demonstrate your ability to give and you will get far more back.

Go The Extra Mile – Just Like At The Top – It Is Never Crowded

Give first and you will get back! There is a caveat. Give to give not to get back. When you are a genuine giver you will get far more back than you can imagine. Be sincere. Give because you want to provide lot’s of value to those around you. You will get known for it.

Give of your respect. Give your attention. Give you kindness. Give your time. Give your yes. Be generous and provide value first for the other person. When you do people naturally want to, and even feel compelled to, reciprocate. They will return your kindness. Get it?

This is why people bring gifts or food or drink to dinner parties they are invited to. It is why a sales person often bring donuts or coffee to their sales calls. It is why they pick up the tab at a business lunch or meeting. They obligate you. You feel compelled to say yes.

People Of Excellence – Go The Extra Mile – To Do What Is Right

You promise to get the tab next time. Researchers call it The Law Of Reciprocity. When you give first people want to give back. They actually do feel compelled. When someone buys you lunch or a movie ticket, they pay for something, what do you want to do?

Return the favor, right? If someone gives you a ride for free you want to pay for gas. When you give first, they want to return it. If you listen well, if you are focused and attentive, people more readily return the same to you. There is a saying, givers get.

Demonstrate their interests are genuinely in your heart and they will place you in theirs. If you give only to get they will know it. Say yes to them and they will say yes to you! You win more bears with honey. Go the extra mile. Provide fabulous value.

Be The Difference – Don’t Just Be  Ordinary – Be Extraordinary

Be the type of person that exemplifies trust, honesty, loyalty, respect, willingness, acceptance and cooperation. You are the message. Who you are and what you do is far more important than what you say. We will discuss more of ‘who you are’ later.

For now, go the extra mile. Will everyone, always, return your kindness? No, but most will. That makes it even more important. You risk not having anyone return anything. This makes you the bigger person. When people know you are sincere it works in your favor.

Don’t try to manipulate. If you are authentic people will respond far better because most will ‘get it’ at a gut level. We are usually far more perceptive than otherwise. Our gut, our first impressions usually are right. Many people listen to theirs. Be a good person.

Stand  Out And Taller Among The Crowd By Going The Extra Mile

You win in the long run when you go beyond the call of duty. Understand this. You up your batting average. There is no absolute guarantee but you should offer one whenever you can. Get it? You win by helping others win. Make them a priority. Celebrate everything!” Rex Sikes

Make it a marvelous day!

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Communicating, Go First, Law Of Attraction, Responsibility

How To Get People To Say Yes To You

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“Whether you are in show business, sales, the fields of medicine or law, a parent, child, friend or associate, boss or employee getting more yeses is important. To get people to do what you want make certain you are the kind of person they say yes to most often.

Whatever walk of life you are in people tend to say yes to people they like. Science bears this out. Two research conclusions. People like people who are like themselves. This is where ‘birds of a feather flock together’ is truly applicable. People agree with people similar.

The second finding. People tend to say yes to people they like. It is a given. Will they say no to people they like? Of course, but it is much more likely they will say no to people they do not like. The goal: Make sure the people you influence like you. Become likable. Get it?

You Are Where Your Thoughts Take You – Think Highly Of Others

You become most likable when you are similar to them. I’ll discuss this in another post. It is important! For now, keep these principles in mind. Walk a mile in their shoes! Understand where they are coming from. Truly appreciate them and let them know it. Be empathetic.

Be compassionate. Be easy to like. Be friendly, nice and smile. Show that you like people. If you don’t like people in general, or the person you must communicate with, they will know it. They will sense it at the nonverbal, non-conscious level. They will feel it in their gut.

We are broadcasting who we are, our likes and dislikes constantly, whether we realize it or not. In order to be liked we must be likable. In order to get more yes answers we must be someone people want to say yes to. We need to be able to put others at ease.

You Get What You Focus On – Think Friendship & Cooperation

Help them to feel comfortable. Be likable. Be willing to be likable. Be generous in your friendliness. Demonstrate attention, respect and loyalty. Rex’s Rule is to always go first. If you want someone to like you, like them first. If you want respect, respect first. Get it?

If you want attention give yours first. It works this way. Remember, we are constantly broadcasting who we are and what we value; like or don’t like. You and I pick things up at the gut-level, so do others. Some people may be far more sensitive than you or I.

We can learn to improve this ability to detect and notice, to interact and influence. We can learn to read people better and more readily understand where they are coming from. This helps! The goal is to build bridges. Invite, be open and available. Be easy to say yes to!

What You Think About You Bring About – Be Positive  & Optimistic

Allow people to be themselves. Don’t insist they change for you! Don’t insist anything. Look for commonalty between you. Notice how you are similar. Find the 1% you can agree with 100%. Focus on what you agree on, over and above what you do not agree on.

Build bridges. ‘Make peace not war’ or ‘make love not war’ were famous 1960’s slogans that are useful to adopt. Keep in mind go first. If you want a yes what can you say yes to? If you want someone to give you something what can you give them first?

Nothing is truly free in life. There is always a price in time, energy or money. A simple example: If you want an apple you must pick it or get it somehow. Walk a mile in their shoes. Be empathetic. Be compassionate. Be likable. Be generous. Be willing. Be helpful.

Skill Comes Of Doing – The More We Do The More We Can Do

Demonstrate good communication. Invite don’t insist. Look for the common elements. If you’d walk a mile for a camel (another famous slogan) walk further to get your point across and accepted.  Live with gratitude. Freely express appreciation of and with others.

When you are appreciative of everything it is easier for those around you to be appreciative. Delight, have fun and enjoy. Be willing to change yourself and be flexible and adaptable. You don’t change others you change yourself. It is called self improvement!

This is an incredibly important point to understand. Evolve to be the kind of person people most naturally and easily want to say YES to AND you will get more yes replies. Your life will improve as you develop yourself and your abilities.  More later, meanwhile celebrate everything!” Rex Sikes

Celebrate with friends today!

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Communicating, Mindset, Relationships, Responsibility

Guidelines For Getting Along With Others While Talking

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“Here are a few tips and principles that will help improve you ability to connect and communicate with another person. Stay open and positive. Don’t label the other person as a poor or bad communicator.  Don’t judge them that only makes things worse.

Assume you are missing the point rather than judging them. Take responsibility for listening better. Blaming them won’t help. If you change what you are doing it might. Stay open.  Assist them in being clearer. With your help you may create better understanding.

Everything depends on your intent as a communicator. Are you seeking to understand or ridicule. If you make judgements and insist they change to suit you it actually inhibits the process. You shut down and it is more difficult for them. Don’t let emotions get in way.

Not Everyone Thinks The Way You Think Or Knows What You Do

Make it easier for the listener.  Help the communicator be clearer if able. Ask simple questions politely to help them clarify their points. Gently and patiently bring it out of them. Elicit it gradually. Take responsibility for making the process go nicely for both of you.

A frame you can adopt to help you is to assume they don’t know any better. They can’t help but do it the way they are doing it. It isn’t their fault and they aren’t bad. It is just the way it is. Imagine helping a small child to do something well. Encourage them along.

The goal in communicating is to build a bridge between parties. It is to learn to speak the other person’s language rather than insisting they speak yours. While it might be nicer if they did it your way be the bigger person and adapt to them. Be flexible. Be a chameleon.

Not Everyone Believes What You Believe Or Acts As You Act …

Change what you are doing so you can get along with more people. If you only have one way of doing something you are limited in the number of people you can influence. If you adapt and help make the process enjoyable you win more friends. Make them feel at ease.

Help them feel comfortable speaking with you and they will want to do it again. Make gentle and direct eye contact. Listen intently and once in a while repeat back to them what they said so they know you are listening. Do the same if you want them to be clearer.

Repeat and ask them what is meant. Always be polite and respectful. Nod and ‘uhhuh’ or say ‘yes’ also once in awhile. Don’t stare. Talk less and listen more but don’t be completely silent looking like you are in trace. Engage, be appealing. Smile, encourage them to talk more.

Remember This And You Will Get Along With A Lot More People

Ask questions but don’t interrogate. Don’t ask so many they feel they are being put to a test. Give them some room to be themselves. Often it is best to sit next to them than opposite them. Or sit t the corner of a table rather than across from each other.

I’ll share more as we continue. For now implement what you learn. Action is the proper fruit of knowledge. Expect to have a nice time. Mentally shower them with love or gratitude or peace. Your outer behavior does reflect your inner behavior, whether it is positive or negative, so keep it positive. Enjoy communicating and celebrate everything!” Rex Sikes

Celebrate with friends today!

If you like these posts – subscribe. If you think these posts would help others please share them. Help Spread the word

Photo used with permission of Phil Koch.

NEW BLOG SITE LAUNCHES SOON – Do you get this blog emailed to you? You will have  to again subscribe to this blog, newsletter. I’d hate for you to miss anything when it switches. Subscribe and Follow Daily Inspiration and Gratitude!

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