Tag Archives: Law Of Attraction

Communicating, Focus, Giving Unconditionally, Go First

You Can Use A Loss Leader Because It Works!

January 17, 2017 rexsikes Leave a comment

“At times the best strategy is the loss leader. You lose now to win later. You give something away to get more in return. Trade shows, Chamber meetings, often provide treats at no cost or they give a free gift away which attracts you to their booth or to a consultation.

The loss leader is used to entice people to drop in. If you take their free candy most likely you will feel that you should stop and listen at least a moment. Yes, some people take a handful but keep going. Most succumb to the Law Of Reciprocity. You give they give back.

Candy is not a promotional item one gets in a swag bag. Those are branded items they hope you will keep, or pass along. They bank on you giving them some business or referrals in the future. Reciprocity at work again. The candy is to get people to stop and stick around.

Only By Giving You Will Attract More Than You Already Have

Companies are willing to give items away for free, at a loss, because it’s likely to increase their business down the road. It’s an investment that follows the rule of Go First. Give it away first and people will give back in return later. If it didn’t work no one would use it!

Within these blog pages, many times, I have referred to the Rule of Going First and The Law Of Reciprocity because when you give unconditionally to others they can respond in kind. Will everyone? No, but many or most will. Ignore the ones who don’t. Really, let it go.

Focus on what you want and who you want;the type of client or friend. If you want honest, loyal, trustworthy people who believe in you be that person to them first. Be that kind of client or provider or friend. Focus on what you want to create and attract. Then attract it.

Givers Advance The World – Takers Don’t Advance Others

Birds of a feather flock together. The ones who don’t will fall by the wayside. That is fine. You still operate from a higher purpose or cause. You operate from a giving position. Give to give, not to get! It is the result of authentic, genuine giving that brings back the return.

Don’t focus on getting back. Focus on providing value. Focus on giving freely. Focus on being trustworthy. Focus on being loyal and honest. Focus on believing in the people you attract. When you’re pure of heart others will read that and respond. They really will!

Those who don’t, let go. This is how you create an incredible supportive tribe. Focus on the kind of tribe members you want and give to them first. The ones you want show up. The ones you don’t want let go of. Get it? Create and attract the good that you want!

Giving Liberates The Giver – Giving Creates More Freedom

If you genuinely love people and appreciate them they will know. You will get known for being that sort of person. If their interests are in your heart they will know and respond. The more grateful you are for the people around you the more grateful they will be too.

Your relationships will blossom and improve because of your focus and ability to give generously without strings attached. Delight in the opportunity to give, to serve, to go the extra mile, and you may attract dedicated raving fans and tribe members. So enjoy the process. Be sure to celebrate everything!” Rex Sikes

Have a tremendous day!

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Photo used with permission of Phil Koch

Acceptance, Communicating, Friendship, Opportunity

Strangers And What To Do About Them

January 16, 2017 rexsikes Leave a comment

“Do you have all the friends you want or need? Would you like to have more? There is a saying, ‘be the change you want to see in the world.’ I think the same applies to friendship. Be the friend you want to have first and you will win others over to you. Get it? I hope so.

Let’s reach out and become friends with people we wouldn’t think to. I sat in a mall one day 30 years again and it struck me. Given the proper circumstance and introduction anyone of these strangers passing by might become a friend. That’s really all it takes.

It struck me like a lightning bolt. A stranger is a friend you haven’t met yet. We pass people by and don’t realize in another situation, given the proper introduction, that person, you pass by, right now, might become your very best friend. I mean, think about that!

There Are No Strangers Here Only A Friend You Haven’t Met Yet

Perhaps, we should just be a little nicer and kinder to people who we don’t know yet. Maybe would should take the opportunity to simply smile, say hello, nod, or chat a bit. Genuinely listen to others and become interested. Don’t be a pest but be warmer to people.

Celebrate this world and everyone in it. Unite, come together instead of sewing discord. People around the world are actually much more similar than they are different regardless of any background. After all, they’re all people. Different, but the same!

Celebrate, unite, draw close. Connect, get to know. Rid yourself of fearing people you don’t know. Stop assuming they won’t like you. Start by assuming you possibly have some things in common. Start enjoying others more. Help them out. Allow others to help you.

A Simple Friendly Hello Could Lead To A Million Positive Things

Don’t be overbearing either. Give people space to be themselves. Give people space to just have space for both of you. Be authentic. Don’t assume the negative, be positive. Leave people be if they prefer to be left alone. Don’t stalk them either!

Appreciate people more and allow them in. If it makes you feel safe keep up the invisible walls you use to protect yourself but peer over them or through them. Welcome the world to you. Invite others to get to know you. Be grateful for all and celebrate everything!” Rex Sikes

Meet someone new today!

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Acceptance, Communicating, Friendship, Relationships

You Must Know This: You Are An Individual But You Aren’t The Only Individual!

January 15, 2017 rexsikes 2 Comments

“Hitler’s strategy was divide and conquer. Fortunately, he did not prevail but his method very nearly wrecked civilization as we know it. Allegedly, this country was brought together in the spirit of co-operation and an ‘all for one and one for all’ spirit. We united.

Today, we are constantly being divided into self interest groups of one. We are individually targeted and marketed to. We no longer have network television where we all watch ‘Gunsmoke’ on Sunday nights (for 20 years) and then talk at the water cooler the next day.

We are splintered and fragmented. Instead of uniting for the common good it seems our representatives fight over what they want with little regard for the people they represent. Protests are more difficult to wage today then they were 30 or 60 years ago.

Without A Sense Of Caring There Is No Sense Of Community

We walk around with our faces in our cell phones. We no longer call a place to reach who is there we call an individual. Most all of us have cell phones. What is my point in this? Is it political? No, we could discuss politics but my point is we are separated, alone, and isolated.

We are brought together by the internet. Social media connects us. Twitter and Facebook and the rest are how we interact. We get our news and entertainment from questionable sources much of the time. It gets harder and harder to unite people for causes.

Oh, it is not over. There still are some but we are less of a community in everyday life. We no longer sit around the family room together watching TV, listening to the radio, telling stories or singing songs. We telecommute or work from home in many cases. Computers!

A Community That Excludes Even One Member Is No Community

We aren’t involved with each other the way we once we. We don’t know our neighbors, our community. John Donne coined, ‘No man is an island’ yet it seems more of us are becoming that. I question at times if that isn’t the great plan. Another form of divide and control.

BUT I said this wasn’t about politics and it isn’t. It is about co-operation. It is about teamwork. It is about the spirit of helping each other, lifting each other up, encouraging each other to move forward and stimulating and enjoying the success of those around us.

We don’t need to compete each other to death. A little competition is good to stimulate. Games are good. It encourages people to excel. However, we need not compete and destroy. We need to compete and grow stronger together. We need to make things better.

Support Each Other And Incredible Things Can Happen

We need to share what we know with others so they too can grow. We can educate and uplift. We can cooperate and thrive. We can go the extra mile and add value to others and help them succeed because then they are likely to want to return the favor to us. Get it?

Reciprocity means I buy you dinner and you feel like you want to buy me dinner. We take turns. We are mutually obligated. That is the way our world works and how it worked for so long. People doing good for each other. Helping each other. We want to give back.

That is why community meetings, dances, church, weddings, funerals were and are important. We unite. We came together to solve problems together or to celebrate lives. Solving problems together means working together toward a common goal. Cooperation.

Come Together – Unite – Hang – Enjoy – Celebrate – Be Together

That is how our political system is supposed to work. Okay, whoops, I slipped that in there, but as an example. We get nowhere obfuscating or obstructing from either side of the isle. We are supposed to be united for the good of all concerned. We aren’t.

We are passed over because of lobbyists and interest groups. Many times favors are granted to the highest bidder. Alright, enough! No more politics but I hope the example is clear. We can’t run our lives or business off the example we see in our government. Its crappy.

It isn’t a good role model any longer. That is what we should be. We should be better role models. We should be more conscientious. We need to care more for each other and a little bit less for ourself. Love yourself. It is critically important but love others too. Keep giving.

Be Around People In Person Who Can Love And Support You

Take time for the people around you. Connect in person. Put the phone away for awhile. YES, I know it is difficult to not take another selfie or text someone something inane. I know it is nearly impossible to abstain. Give it a try for a couple minutes at a time.

Connect in person! Give some attention. Listen to listen and learn not to argue and counterpoint. Listen to discover who the person you are with is and what is important to this person. Allow them to discover you too! Exchange and enjoy! Live and uplift. Share. TALK!

We are niche marketed into splinters. We aren’t exposed to diverse concepts as groups. Let’s not exist only as a person in a house at a computer but let’s be a neighborhood again. Let’s discover a diverse community not just those who are carbon copies of us.

Strangers Are Potential Friends – We Just Haven’t Met Them Yet

Let’s go beyond our limits. Let’s seek to understand outside the box and our narrow sphere of our targeted personal niche. Let’s understand and appreciate others for their different opinions and practices. Let’s become a melting pot again. Let’s connect.

Let’s cooperate. Let’s support and uplift. Let’s learn from everyone and from everywhere. Let’s celebrate the uniqueness of everyone and appreciate all the similarities. We are, people, one species, after all. We are a diverse collection of one species on one globe.

Don’t buy into the goal of the marketers and the media to provide you only what you already like. Expand your horizons. Bridge the gaps. Delight in difference. I’m not saying you can’t have your singular likes, you can, but have others also. There world is vast!

Learn From Everyone – Learn From Everywhere – Be Open – Invite

Go beyond what you know. Expose your mind to new and different ideas. Embrace and delight in all of it. Be receptive. Come out from behind the technology and interact. Face to face rather than face to Facebook. Enjoy, learn, connect and celebrate everyone and celebrate everything!” Rex Sikes

Meet someone new today!

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Photo used with permission of Phil Koch.

Habit Formation, Personal Development, Rehearsal And Practice, Relationships

Transform Yourself Into Someone People Want To Do Nice Things For

January 14, 2017 rexsikes 1 Comment

“So why all this discussion on SD, overcoming fears and swapping positive emotions and habit formation? Because it means you really can learn to do anything you want. You can learn to become a better communicator and get people to do what you want them to do.

You can transform yourself from someone who may not be very effective into someone of great influence and benevolent power. You can make yourself listen better, pay attention, be respectful, go the extra mile, take action, do unto others, and get back in return.

You can become a selfless enlightened giver or a greedy son of a bitch. It is always your choice. If you already are an enlightened giver you can still go beyond anything you presently know. If you are a greedy SOB you can change that right away to get better results.

It Costs You Absolutely Nothing To Be Nice – Go That Extra Mile

You can eliminate fears, doubts, bad habits and anything that holds you back. You can learn new powerful thoughts and beliefs, value important new values, feel incredible, chose your feelings and learn to take action. You can behave as you prefer to. It is in your power.

You can systematically expose yourself to new thoughts, beliefs and ideas. You can bit by bit daily condition yourself in small increments to take new positive, productive actions, think new thoughts, feel new feelings by repeated daily correct practice. Keep this in mind.

How do you get to Carnegie Hall? Practice, practice, practice. You use the very same process, procedure, mechanism that created your original beliefs, feelings and actions to create the new ones you now chose. That is the difference. The first ones you learned by exposure.

If You Met Yourself Would You Want To Be Friends With You

You didn’t have a say. You were too young and didn’t know you had choices. Now you know. Now you can choose to be whoever you want to be. Now you can choose to make your present and future whatever you want to make it. You practice being the you you want.

You make the new you a habit. This is friggin’ awesome, don’t you think? Sure it takes some dedication. It can also be wildly fun and adventurous. As you see the changes and your gains you can feel thrilled! You can and will make progress. YOU transform yourself.

Repeatedly expose your mind and being to the very best thoughts, feelings, actions, habits, people, reading and listening material, events and circumstances and you and your life will change for the best. Manifest what you want by diving into what you want more of.

Develop Positive Supportive Habits Through Correct Practice

It works! It works! It works! Practice! Practice! Practice. Develop new habits that support you in being who you want to be, doing what you want to do and having what you want. Eliminate the chronic habitual thoughts, feelings and behavior that held you back.

If you want your life to change you must change some things in your life. Become a person who can easily appeal to others, engage their interest, rivet their attention. Transform yourself into the person others naturally want to do nice things for. Become extra likable!

Practice gratitude for everything. Where you are at, where you have been, and where you are going. Appreciate all your experiences and lessons. Be thankful for all the people in your life easy to get along with and challenging; those close to you and those strangers. Be thankful. Delight and celebrate everything!”

Delight fully today!

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Photo used with permission of Phil Koch.

Blessings, Celebration, Creating The Future, Giving Unconditionally

The Giver’s Paradox

January 13, 2017 rexsikes Leave a comment

“If you want to increase your wealth, affluence, happiness and all goodness in your life practice giving for giving sake. Give to give! Don’t give to get. Give because you want to help and you are compassionate, kind, caring, thoughtful and sensitive. Give to give.

Think of others first and give. You don’t have to do it all the time. You don’t have to give away the farm. You don’t go into debt giving. You simply experiment and learn the true joy and blessings of giving. It is easy. Tip the doorman, the barista, your waiter a bit more. More.

Be generous instead of stingy. Someone said, if you get caught up in ‘should I give this much?’ Go ahead and give it. Err, on the side of too much rather than on too little or the exact amount. Be generous and joyous. If you resent or regret any of it you are not giving joyously.

Cheerful Givers Don’t Count The Cost Of What They Give

Treat someone. Buy dinner. Pay for a movie. Devote some time. Hang out. Help them with a chore or situation. It doesn’t have to be just cash you give. You can give your time, energy, effort, attention, companionship, respect, and money. The point is you give.

If you are giving to get something in return you are missing the blessing. You need to give without expecting anything back. You need to give without keeping score. You give because you want to. You don’t need thanks. You want to give. Here is a personal story.

I gave someone money for groceries once. A few hundred dollars. It was a gift or a loan. I wasn’t sure how I wanted to treat it. I knew they needed a helping hand and I could help out. Well, later the people didn’t even remember what I had done. Details don’t matter.

Blessed Are Those Who Give Without Remembering – Give Freely

Suffice to say it is all good. They didn’t remember and never said thanks. I didn’t want to point it out. I hoped they’d remember. They didn’t. I started getting bugged by it. Get it? My good deed actually had a lot of strings attached. Still, I never reminded them.

That wasn’t the point. The point was I was trying to be a good guy but I also had a bunch of unconscious conditions attached. When the conditions weren’t met I began to feel resentful. What does resent have to do with generously giving? Get it? It was my issue not theirs.

That kind of giving may be better than not giving at all but it isn’t in the spirit of letting go and giving simply to give. Once you give, you give! You don’t set conditions or terms on it. You don’t take it back You let them do what they want with it. Don’t decided for them.

What Goes Around Comes Around – Give Without Conditions

My parents often had conditions. They’d say, ‘we’re going to gave you this but we don’t want you to spend it or to touch it.’ Or. ‘you can only use it for this’; their particular reason. I hated that. I liked receiving it but felt obligated in ways I didn’t want to be obligated.

When you give simply to give, with no expectations or strings, you are truly blessed. Don’t look for the blessing. Give and let go. That is the trick. It is as tricky as enlightenment. Seek enlightenment with everything you have but if you want enlightenment it eludes you.

It only comes when you ultimately give up seeking it. This is true of many things. Let love go and you find it. When you don’t have needs you are rich. When you have needs you can’t seem to make ends meet. If you give to get you get nothing much back at all.

You Get Back What You Put Out – Celebrate And Enjoy

If you are happy with who you are and what you have your life can be truly incredible. Plus, you get more! It is an amazing paradox but one that affects us all. Let go. Give freely and you end up getting more back. Be delighted! Celebrate everything!”

Today, is all we truly have. Live fully today!

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Photo used with permission of Phil Koch.

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Fear, Habit Formation, Overcoming Difficulty, Personal Development

We Live In A Parallel Universe: Use It To Go Beyond Your Fears

January 12, 2017 rexsikes Leave a comment

“In my recent blog I discussed Systematic Desensitization (SD) as a useful method for getting over fears and phobias. There are other approaches that are very effective too. NLP has a Fast Phobia Cure that can work wonders. Here is a reason why I mentioned SD.

Little by little the individual gets desensitized to the trigger for fear through exposure. They are repeatedly and safely exposed to the stimulus, or source of their fear, which lessens its impact; thereby diminishing their emotional reaction to it. Bit by bit they change.

They experience less and less discomfort. The ‘item’ is brought nearer and nearer to them. Not too quickly. Just as rapidly as the person can maintain comfort in the presence of the trigger. If it get close too quickly, they back it up a bit, until the reaction lessens.

Everything You Want Is On The Other Side Of Fear

Then try again later or another day. For example, the SD practitioner presents the ‘item’ to them from across the room. The next time a few steps closer. Next time, more steps closer. Until they are next to the person, whereby the person can handle the item if they choose.

After repeating this for long enough the person typically experiences a reduction in fear. This illustrates a couple of noteworthy points. One a person can get over what they are afraid of by facing it. Yes, they face it in a particular, and safe fashion.

The point is they can learn to get over it. They learn it is not so bad. They learn they can get over feeling afraid. Imagine if they did this ONE thing how many other things they could learn to do, as well. They learned to be afraid. NOW they learned they can control it.

Don’t Let Fear Stop You – If You Can’t You Must – Face Your Fears

People can control their emotions, thoughts, internal pictures, voices, and feelings. They can learn to behave differently. They learned to diminish the fear reaction and overcome it, even if they don’t totally eliminate it. BUT they learn something else, too.

Here is the parallel notion coming in. At the same time they are diminishing their fear they are learning to feel more positive and confident. They are learning they can exist with their fear, face it and be brave and overcome it. They are learning control. Self-control!

It is not that the fear is taken away and nothing left in its place. Remember, nature abhors a vacuum. Instead of just no fear confidence, bravery or some other positive emotion simultaneously comes in to fill the gap. Whatever the person originally wanted.

Courage Is The Ability To Keep Going In Spite Of Being Afraid

Most likely, they wanted to ‘not feel afraid’. Remember, what I have shared with you about the word ‘not’, negativity, and the brain. You can’t not think of a pink cat with zebra stripes wearing a yellow hat, right now. Can you? Don’t think about it. Too late! Oops. Get it?

For some people they could have learned to get over it simply by repeating affirmations and deciding to. For others, they need to face and remove the fear first. Then, simultaneously, fear is replaced with something positive. Either way, the result can be the same.

No fear, more confidence. So in SD the individual is taught how to handle their fear and eliminate it or ‘not’ experience it by building up comfort and familiarity through repeated exposure. Safe repetition is the key. Repetition IS the mother of ALL skill. It works powerfully.

We Have Nothing To Fear Except Fear Itself – Keep On Going

Another example. A person learns to speak comfortably to one person. Then two. Then three or four. Then 6 or 8. The 10 or 20. Then 30 or 50. Beginning with small numbers the person shares information with increasingly larger sized groups. Guess what?

People learn to get over their fear of public speaking. Once they learn it isn’t so scary they learn it can be fun and enjoyable. They become comfortable with doing it by becoming familiar with the process. Items can be added or subtracted. The point? It works!

We often are more comfortable with those which we are familiar with. Most people fear the unknown. They are afraid of what might happen or what they don’t know, that they imagine, could happen. They are afraid of strangers, animals, flying, foods. You name it.

Even The Darkest Night Ends And The Sun Rises

By repeatedly exposing them to the fear trigger, they face it and develop both familiarity and comfort. You can learn to do anything! You can overcome any debilitating fear this way. Gently and safely. Here is the good news! This is the same way you build any skill.

You repeatedly do it. You familiarize yourself with it and get comfortable or accustomed doing it. It is the same way you build a muscle. Repeat the exercise gradually increasing resistance. You can learn to get over shyness, public speaking and do anything you want.

You can take any desire that you want and turn it into a burning hot desire. You can take any lie and begin to believe it. Some lies are not worth believing. Those include falsehoods of all kinds but most particularly ‘I can’t’ statements, self doubt or criticism.

It Is By Facing Your Fears And Problems You Become Strong

You can begin to believe more useful beliefs like ‘I can’ statements and positive useful affirmations such as ‘I can learn to do anything when I commit to it. I can learn to feel brave and move forward. I can learn to make lots of money easily. I can learn to love and be loved.’

‘I can accept compliments graciously. I can learn to get along with all sorts of people; those like me and those completely different than me. I can learn to listen to opposing viewpoints and feel confident in letting the person keep their ideas without trying to change them.’

‘I am in the process of learning how to speak to groups of people and feel comfortable. I can learn to make any positive change I want. I can eliminate bad habits and fears and move confidently forward. I can be a loving and kind partner and parent. I love my life!’

Whether You Think You Can Or You Can’t – You Are Right

If the mental leap from not being able to do it to being to do it, is at first, too large, you can inch way there by strengthening your word choices. You can start gently by saying, ‘I am beginning to learn I can feel confident’ I am in the process of leaning to feel stronger’.

‘I am beginning to feel much better. I am feeling wonderful. ‘I feel powerful. I am powerful. I have great power. I am confident. I exude strength and comfort easily and effortlessly. I rock! I am strong!’ You work your way up to it through repeated exposure. Anyone can!

This is how our beliefs, thought, feeling and behavioral habits were and are formed. We can learn to overcome the dark side while simultaneously strengthening the good side. Through repetition we builds bad habits or good habits. You too can make changes.

I Can Do Anything – No Mountain Too High – No Struggle Too Hard

You can make positive, permanent changes when you choose. Choose the best. All of us can increase our abilities and positive feelings. We can amaze and delight ourselves by going beyond limitations into wonderful new ways of being. We can learn to be, do and have anything we want. We can definitely learn to celebrate everything!” Rex Sikes

Live passionately today!

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Photo used with permission of Phil Koch.

Communicating, Fear, Friendship, Overcoming Difficulty

Divided We Fall But United We Stand: So Why Don’t We Unite?

January 11, 2017 rexsikes Leave a comment

“Divided we fall but united we stand. So why don’t we unite? We don’t unite because we are afraid. We have fears. We fear people who may be a bit different from us. People are more alike than they differ BUT what we pay attention to are those slight differences.

We fear opposite colors, religions, political parties, genders, people with money, people without money. We fear big people, little people anyone and everyone unlike us. We fear those from the inner city and the backwoods. We fear the unknown. We fear and fear.

We don’t have to but we do. Do you want to know the best way to get over your fears? OF ANYTHING? Do you know the way that actually works best. Science proves it! Exposure. Repeated exposure to what you fear desensitizes you to it! Imagine that!

There Is No Illusion Greater Than Fear – Face It And It Disappears

Face your fear and you conquer it! Systematic Desensitization (SD) works by gradually little by little exposing the person to the fear. For example, a particular insect, though not classed as one, scares many. It is okay to be afraid by the way as long as it doesn’t paralyze you.

If fear prevents you from doing what you want then you want to get ahold of it and change it. Conquer it. People who regularly risk their lives, troops, police, daredevils, firefighters, skydivers, climbers, divers, regularly, may feel scared but DO in spite of their fears.

Courage isn’t the absence of fear but going a head even while afraid. That is what bravery is. So With SD they expose the person to the ‘item’ at a distance, far enough away that the person can remain calm, even if uncomfortable. Bit by bit over time they move closer.

You Overcome Fear With Action – Go Through It Not Around It

No faster than the person remains comfortable. It may take minutes, hours, days or weeks but often, most often, the person not only finds that this alleviates their fear but some actually touch or hold the ‘item’. Not all will but many do. Regardless, they overcame their fear.

You can too. We all can. Whatever it is. We can do so safely. We can overcome our fear of people. We can unite instead of remaining afraid and divided. Perhaps, it is a way of controlling people to keep them fearing and fighting each other. Divide them and you control.

I prefer to get along with near about everyone. Too many cool people in the world to worry about the few that ain’t. Get it? Focus on what you want. There are far more good people in the world than bad. Every bad ass dictator has gone down. Consider that a moment.

Don’t Let Fear Of What Could Happen Make Nothing Happen

They had done horrible things and then perished. When tragedy or calamity strikes, people rush to help each other. We have lots of good strangers in the world. Sure, some aren’t but most are. There are more fair weather days than bad weather days. Really, there is.

It is all a lot better than we think it is. Why? Because most of us listen to the news or FB. Do you know studies indicate that using FB is depressing. Most of the feed stories are negative and most people combatant over hot topics. We just need to wean ourselves away.

Drop negativity and that which divides us. Stop fostering it. Stop allowing it. Let go of the fear of differences. Celebrate them. Celebrate the similarities too. Accept, allow, receive. Focus on what you want to create that is positive. Focus on good news. Do it!

Put Your Fears Behind You – Put Your Dreams In Front Of You

It is all possible. We can do it. We can unite. We can get along. We can move beyond argument and into agreement. We can look for that which brings us closer instead of that which separates us. We can create harmony and together celebrate everything!” Rex Sikes

Make a difference in someone’s life today!

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Photo used with permission of Phil Koch.

Attitude, Communicating, Responsibility, Win Win Outcomes

Wanting Without Manipulating: How To Create Win/Win Outcomes

January 10, 2017 rexsikes Leave a comment

“You have wants. Other people have wants. How do you get what you want while they get what they want? This is the big question. Zig Ziglar is famous for saying ‘You can get anything you want if you just help enough people get what they want.’ It is true and it works!

The points to keep in mind are you have your want and others have theirs. If you both can get what you both want, or a significant part of each, then you both can win. If you both win you both are pleased you keep the relationship intact and can both win together again.

Create win/win outcomes that is your goal. First let us reframe a word that is difficult for people. The word is manipulate. There is nothing wrong with manipulation. Manipulation means to move from one place to another. You manipulate your car while driving.

It’s Not Your Way Or My Way Together Let’s Find The Best Way

It is a less than glorious notion when applied to making people do things they wouldn’t want to do. I agree. If you engineer it so people aren’t served, so the outcome isn’t with their best interest in your heart then it isn’t a good thing. And manipulation can be good.

So let’s not be concerned with the dark aspect of this word as long as your intentions and purpose are to create a positive win for the other. Just be certain you aren’t deceiving yourself into thinking you are doing it for them when you are really doing it just for yourself.

Be honest and clean with yourself. If you want your child to do homework because ultimately it benefits them you may manipulate them in some positive fashion. You may offer a reward. If it also allows you some relief and quiet time then you both win. Get it?

You Can Be Right And Alone – Or Together In A Good Relationship

You both should win. Your interests are important and so are theirs. The more you can make both parties benefit and be happy the better off you both will be. You will become known as a person of integrity and great value if you act with integrity and provide great value.

If you are pure in your heart and wish and work for the best for everyone you will win. If you give only to get and don’t care how you give or what you give but only want to serve yourself that ultimately reveals itself. You can’t hide true motives for very long. We leak info.

People can read each other. We feel it when something is off. We radiate and broadcast who we are everyday, all day. We can’t hide it. People can attempt to mask it, but eventually they are exposed in some fashion. It will definitely bite you on the ass at sometime.

Conflict Cannot Continue Without Your Participation – Let Go

Develop a genuine giving nature. It will come with practice. Give. Donate your time, energy or money to a worthy cause. Get involved. Little by little, just as with any habit, you will develop a giving muscle. Give happily. No one wants to be forced to give. Give what you can.

Don’t give and regret. Give and celebrate. Tiny steps at first if necessary. Practice negotiation. I am not suggesting you give away the farm when you work together with others. I am stating you need to find areas of agreement where you both are delighted; satisfied.

When it comes to adding value think absolutely knock your socks off customer service! Think wow how can I go above and beyond anyone else and make my customer (or relational partner or friends) fabulously delighted? WOW them and you win them! It is good biz!

Blessed Are Those Who Can Give Without Remembering …

It is also good practice for family, friends and strangers. Go that extra mile that no one else will. Do it in your job, in all of your relationships and in all areas of your life and you will benefit. Just do it for them, because you believe they deserve it and you enjoy it.

You deserve to get too. Remember that. You win and they win. They win and you win. That is your purpose for communicating and negotiating. Always leave them better off than before they met with you. And as in show business, ‘Always leave them wanting more!’

Get it. I hope so. Again, a major point. If you, make it a point, to celebrate all the people in your life you will feel much better. Even, and especially the challenging ones. Think, they are there for a reason. They’re there to help you grow and evolve as a person.

… And Blessed Are Those Who Can Take Without Forgetting

It doesn’t have to be true to be useful. It may be a reframe but utilize it for your benefit. Be grateful for the lessons learned. Be grateful for the challenges to grow stronger and wiser. Be grateful for the opportunity. Be grateful and enjoy. Delight and appreciate.

You are better off and move forward as you do. It will help you to create win/wins. Serve yourself and serve others. Then they are more apt to return in kind to you. It is the Law of Reciprocity in action. Give and get; get and give; joyously. Your life will transform. Celebrate everything!” Rex Sikes

Enjoy today!

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Photo used with permission of Phil Koch.

Boundaries, Communicating, Overcoming Difficulty, Responsibility

You Must Maintain Your Boundaries Too

January 9, 2017 rexsikes 2 Comments

“Boundaries are important. Their boundaries and your boundaries. You ought not cross theirs nor should they cross yours. So what to do? Treat them with respect and expect the same in return. Don’t demand and be nasty about it. Stay nice, but firm if you must.

Know when someone is wasting your time or mistreating you. Be prepared to say no when it is necessary. Don’t let people abuse your time or your generosity. This may be rare, especially, if you take care to learn how to better read people. If it isn’t check in on yourself.

If you are constantly having squabbles and issues then it is likely you need to make some changes. Remember, it is not easy to change others. It is far more productive and beneficial to change yourself and your responses to others. That is within your control.

A Lack Of Boundaries Invites A Lack Of Respect

When people try to take advantage or abuse your time, generosity or more, be firm, be polite, be final about it. You can gently put your foot down without destroying the other person. Let the person know you have boundaries you won’t allow to be violated.

There are people who have no regard. Still, you should treat them fairly and with kindness. Speak only to bless, heal and prosper. Don’t let them get to you. Your attitude and behavior in the worst situation is a reflection of your character. Seek the higher pathway.

Your character builds reputation. Your reputation as a friend or business person will precede you. It is obvious you want to be known as the best friend, the most reliable, honest, trustworthy, easy to do business with business person. That will be of great help to you.

No – Is A Complete Sentence – Give Respect And Get Respect

Napoleon Hill stated he had three walls. An outer wall that was low and had a few doors in it many people could access. Not everyone but many. The next wall was higher with one door in it. Far fewer were allowed entry. Only necessary people got admitted in.

The last wall was very high and only a handful could gain access at times. This was his metaphor for prioritizing his time, and energy and maintaining privacy. People could gain access depending how closely they were associated with to him or how important it was.

It is necessary to maintain your own boundaries. You shouldn’t have to fight to preserve them. Know when to say no and when not to. Pick your battles wisely. You don’t always have to be all things to all people. I simply want you to understand this. You are important.

Boundaries Are Normal Healthy And Necessary

Nurture and take care of and love yourself. Appreciate others and appreciate yourself. Respect yourself. Then others will too. If you aren’t egotistical, if you don’t flaunt it and are not a snob, but are confident, well-adjusted with a sense of humor and self respect others will respect and like you all the more. Be authentic. Be kind and be grateful. Celebrate everything!” Rex Sikes

Take care of yourself, today!

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Photo used with permission of Phil Koch.

Attitude, Communicating, Overcoming Difficulty, Rapport

How To Get What You Want During Disagreements

January 8, 2017 rexsikes 2 Comments

“We return to ‘How To Get People To Do What You Want’ and how to influence others, personally and professionally, positively. How to get more yeses. A favorite person of mine Cheri Tree, speaks the truth. Have ever heard the following statement?

‘In order to get more yeses you gotta get more nos.’ Have you heard that? Get enough nos and you will eventually get a yes. I know I have. For decades I embraced that thought as well. Cheri says bull. ‘In order to get more yeses you gotta get yeses!’ I love it. It is so true.

I have been sharing in these pages exactly how to get more yeses. The principles and practices for enabling you to do exactly that and much more. You want to evolve yourself into the kind of person for whom others can most easily say yes to. That is your personal task!

What Is Most Important To You – Getting Along Or Agreement

Become a person people like and want to do things for. Go the extra mile. Respect others if you want respect back. Right, you are following along on these concepts, correct? If you are then you know you must respect others needs, wants, time, money and energy.

You must respect their boundaries. Don’t cross them. Move no faster than the other person moves is a way to think about it. Follow their lead for awhile. You will get an opportunity to lead too. It is called pacing and leading and you must learn to do both and when.

For now, keep in mind, you want to respect their boundaries and do not violate them. If they don’t want to talk about something then don’t! Get it? You want to make them feel at ease. Put them at ease and let them know they can trust you. Then they absolutely will.

In The Middle Of Difficulty There Is Opportunity – Be Open Find It

On the other hand there are times when you may have to cut your losses. You may have to walk away, politely, with a promise to resume at another time. As long as the ball is in your court you can determine what to do. Just do it in a respectful and friendly way.

If you maintain respect and friendliness you almost never burn bridges. Truth be told, you never want to burn a bridge, so do whatever you can to maintain it. In the meantime, unless one of those rare times surfaces, stay open and stay flexible.

Keep adjusting and continuing to work toward understanding, connection and agreement, even if you agreement is to disagree. Remember, the relationship is important. Keep your purpose in mind. Why are you communicating in the first place?

Are You Strong And Big EnoughTo Overcome Disagreement

What is it you want? What do you want in the big picture? How do you create win/wins so all parties get what each wants? What do you have to do and keep doing in order to maintain rapport, trust and the relationship when you disagree? You must respectfully negotiate.

I’ll continue this discussion on boundaries in next blog. Meanwhile, understand there are times when things don’t go your way. Don’t get flustered, get centered. Stay open and available. Remain calm and collected. Gather your inner and out resources. Remain true.

Remain true to you and to higher principles. Be authentic. In the larger scheme of things how does this all fit in? If you don’t get what you want today what else will you do? How important is it? Ask yourself questions that support you in moving ahead in positively.

It Is Normal To Disagree – Can You Maintain Your Relationship

What do you have in common? What do you like about this person? How can you better understand what is important to them? How can you more effectively listen? How can you create better rapport and understanding? What can you do to enjoy communicating better?

Direct your mind toward positive outcomes by asking questions to guide you. Really ask yourself and listen quietly for the answers. Don’t allow yourself to be rushed. Stop, drop and breath! Drop everything, let go, breath and allow the answers to come to you.

Discover what there is to appreciate about your relationship. Access those feelings of gratitude. Emphasize the positive qualities and diminish differences and disagreement. Accentuate the positive! Feel the gratitude. Feel the blessings! Celebrate everything!” Rex Sikes

Today, nurture yourself and others!

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Photo used with permission of Phil Koch.

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