Stop Living In Pain! Connect The Dots To Feeling Better

suffer more in imagination than reality

“Have you ever played connect the dots? You know, you start at one dot and follow each until an image emerges. Will you do it with your life? Can you look back and see how each event that stands out in your mind and each decision you made has lead to where you are right now?

At each historic event in your life there may have been many pathways to alternate results. Can you see how your decisions at each point have lead you to where you are today? Can you see that? While it may appear there were any number of possible choices and outcomes can you see that given your decision you are right where you are supposed to be?

I do not mean you were predestined nor do I mean someone other than you is dictating the outcomes. What I mean is given the choices you have had in your life can you, or are you willing to see, looking back, how the decisions you made were stepping stones to the present?

I’ll give you an example. I had someone I deeply loved who broke up with me as a young man. I was horribly crushed. I didn’t want a future without her. Had she not broken up with me I would not have the incredible children I have today.

While it may be true I may have had other children and been happy had we stayed together we did not. What I do have are two children I love and adore and could not be happier as a result. Do I mourn the breakup now? Absolutely not.

I had a car accident that kept me laid up for a long time in a part of the country that wasn’t my home. As a result I eventually met the woman who became the mother of my children. Had I not had the terrible car accident I would never have had these children.

Do you see what I mean? Now, in these examples it appears I am only pointing to events outside my control. Things that happened to me. That is part of it. It is what the universe offered. Events happen. Inside of each I made countless decisions that affected my present at that time and the future outcomes.

For example, I stayed after recovery to have the relationship that lead to my children. Had I chosen to return home and not continue the relationship I would not have my kids. I had to give up certain things in one part of the country to have other things in another part of the country.

One of the points I am trying to make is that each dot leads to another and the entire picture emerges but we don’t see it all at one time. We don’t know the eventual outcome. How we view each dot is important. I could abhor my present and look back and see how each dot has lead to now, and how I might have decided otherwise.

No point crying over spilt milk. Yes, you or I may have decided otherwise at anytime but did not. Get over it is the only thing to do. We can not, nor should we, regret the past. If we can’t change it we should find a better use of our thoughts and our time.

We can use those feelings though to decide to change our present and have a better one. We can determine to have a better future too. This is when past exploration is useful if it leads to a set of wiser choices in the now that we can make.

Otherwise, sifting through the crap in our lives, living hurt and disappointment over and over again is a pointless, devastating use of time. A key to having a happy life is knowing how to use your mind to look for and find what you want. Another key is knowing how to spend your time doing what brings you those results.

Look into the past and recognize choice points. Notice how upheaval events, big boulders, are the stepping stone to now, and without them you would not be who you are today. Whether or not you successfully negotiated those, whether or not you appreciate the outcome they are part of your history.

Therefore, they have helped determine who you are today. For goodness sakes be grateful!!!

Without them, perhaps, everything would be different. However, there is NO without them. They are historically in you past. Examine how those events, no matter how horrible, have contributed to you. You have lived on. Days, weeks, maybe years have passed since that time, those times. Appreciate this!

If you are dragging the boulders with you everywhere you go that is a difficult way to travel. You need to put them down and let them go. You need to examine how, no matter how terrible they may have been and how life crushing they were at the time, those very events are disguised blessings. Appreciate this too!

Inside each were, as there always IS, choice points we face. There are always decisions we have to make. In each decision we made, whether the result was better or worse, is the seed of opportunity for betterment. Find the seeds! They are within the dots!

Whatever we did, however we chose, brought us to right now. If you don’t like where you are right now, maybe you can imagine, whether true or not, a greater force trying to get your attention to make better decisions. My guess, it is not coming from outside you but from within you. YOU are trying to get YOUR attention.

Negative feelings are your way of signaling YOU that you need to make a change. They are telling you you are focused on the wrong things. You are focused on what you do not want. The signal value will get as loud as necessary for you to hear it and change things.

Some people, instead of recognizing the signal and changing what they are doing, live with the negative feelings. Imagine, a messenger shows up at your home and instead of taking the message and acting on it you invite the messenger to live with you. Some people tolerate negative feelings and pain instead of making change that benefits them.

They are simply mistaken. The don’t realize the feelings are there to get their attention The feelings are yelling “HELLO! IS this bad enough yet? HELLO, HELLO? okay well then we’ll ramp them up and see if this get’s you to pay attention. HELLO HELLO!”

On and on it goes as a vicious cycle because the human isn’t aware of why those less than glorious feeling are there. They are there so you DECIDE to change your focus. That is all they truly are! Use them don’t continue to be abused by them. Stop and change what you are paying attention to. Stop paying attention to the negative thoughts and feelings!!! Use the feelings only as a guide, as a messenger!

You can’t change the past but you can use the past to change what you are presently doing so that you get better results. Part of this evolutionary self change means reframing the past as necessary. Look at it and assign different meaning to it.

Assign a more useful and productive meaning to it. Notice how each dot follows the other in some way as a road map to now. Find the good in each disappointment and you are doing something incredibly valuable for yourself! You will transform the past when you find the good. The result will be a better present and future!

You don’t have to live in regret and personal woe. At this moment there is a choice what to do with the past. You can keep hurting or you can decide to live happily and victoriously. Even considering these notions is a choice point for you. What will you do?

I hope you will look at each moment meaningfully and positively and find the good that has come from each disappointment. Sadly, many people miss all the positive, incredible, stepping stones in their life because they only see the boulders.

That is narrow, limited vision and no way to live. One only lives that way because they made looking for what is wrong a habit. You can change that! There is plenty of wonderful events and good too that should not be missed. Habits should serve you you should not serve habits.

Silver lining surround every dark cloud but we have to look for it. We need to find the good. Train your mind to find the good, especially if you have never trained it to do so. If you have not deliberately trained your mind to find the good, to see the positive, to celebrate everything, then you won’t. Make it a habit!

Your mind will run on and on doing whatever it learned to do haphazardly and carrying out the programming given it by others. That is not how you want to live and use your mind. Claim it back and train it to find the strength, the confidence, the happiness and joy that are there that you are missing because you don’t know where or how to look. You can do it!

This moment is an opportunity for you to take control, resolve the past, forgive and let go. It is an opportunity to make the present marvelous and move into the future with confidence, power and joy. It is the opportunity for you to create what you want instead of living as you don’t want.

You always have choices whether you know it or not.  Only, you have to decide. NO decision, to not make one, is actually a decision to do nothing. Waiting is only waiting. Someday never comes, today is all we have. You and I can live it positively, happily with an attitude of gratitude for everything that came before and what we have now.

When we are grateful for everything, truly grateful, there is immense power within you to create and attract anything and everything you want. You become a magnet for blessings, opportunities and advantages. Celebrate everything!

You live with purpose, deliberately using your thoughts and feelings to have fabulous day no matter what crap the world hurls your way. When you are grateful for everything. When you are grateful for every decision you made, regardless of the outcome, you are beginning to take responsibility for you. When you can take 100% responsibility for you is when the miracles begin happening!

Then nothing is left up to chance, nor to anyone else. You are the captain of your life and the master of your fate and the creator of your circumstances. You become more fully alive and dynamically charged. There are no blames, no excuses only celebration and gratitude and this is an incredible way to live.

You can have it all when you decide to take charge. When take responsibility for all your decisions, your thoughts, feelings and actions you are the master of these and your life becomes magical! It is absolutely wonderful. Yes, crap may happen, but life is wonderful.

Won’t you do this now for yourself? “Rex Sikes

Be good and kind to yourself today!

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