Tag Archives: Personal Development

Attitude, Beliefs, Focus, Intentional Thinking

Stop Focusing On How To Do It And Do This Instead!

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“The best attitude is one of faith. What do you believe in? Believe in yourself and that good things will happen. True, you do not know how and that doesn’t matter. It seems important because you have been trying to figure out how about everything since childhood.

It isn’t that important. The how will come. WHY is far more important. Your why either holds you back and prevents you from reaching your goals OR your why moves you forward to getting your goals. It provides the answers. The whys are your reasons.

The answers to why you haven’t are your excuses, blames, whines and reasons. They’re your ‘becauses’, causes and if-thens. Why is your de-motivator or motivator. How is the nuts and bolts you’ll figure out as you move along. Why is your reasons for success too.

Your Focus Determines Your Reality – You Get What You Focus On

The answer to your why is the reasons you do what you do. The Wright brothers didn’t know HOW to fly until they flew. If you asked them how before they actually did it what could they have said? Until it worked they didn’t know but they could tell you the why.

They could tell you why they wanted to fly; why they wouldn’t give up even though their family thought they were nuts. The could answer why they kept going in spite of the odds. Why moved them to figure out the how through repeated experimenting and failure.

They kept at it. They kept trying because their why was big enough to keep them interested. It kept them going when they didn’t know how they were ever going to succeed. Almost all of us have been conditioned to always ask how before we engage. Sad, but true.

Focus On Where You Want To Go And Why You Want To Get There

We don’t and won’t move until we know how. We wait. That is silly. The ‘how’ comes from experience. Begin where you are and you will pick up experience as you move along. Right now focus on why you want it, how that makes you feel and expect the best to occur.

Successful people who have the winner mind set expect good things to happen. They know something good will come from challenges. Nothing is a disaster, nothing is a problem. It is just a situation from which good will ultimately arise. They look for the good. They act!

Because they look they are more apt to find. They can-do and they don’t emphasize or focus or exaggerate their difficulties. Yes, it may be annoying. It might be a bit frustrating but good will come from it. They focus on the positive and each step. They reframe the negative.

When You Feel Like Quitting Think About Why You Started

Yes, ‘I lost my job but I was looking for new options. Now this will give me time to look for something better.’ You don’t put on rosy glasses and ignore it. You don’t act blissful or ignorant. You look at it and realistically appraise it and act. Remember, life goes on.

Yes, it may be troublesome but what can you learn and benefit by experiencing this? Expect it to ultimately work out EVEN THOUGH you can’t see it nor do you know how. You don’t know how but but you know it will. That’s the attitude. The how doesn’t matter.

Keep the faith! Do you get it? If not re-read this a few times. Sit with it for a while. Reflect on it. Meditate. Let go of judgements and simply stay open. Receive. Wait and be patient. Don’t try to understand it allow it to open up to you. Feel grateful. Be thankful it is as it is and you are as you are. Be appreciate in all things and celebrate everything!” Rex Sikes

Have a fabulous day!

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Horizons photo used with permission of Phil Koch.

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Acceptance, Celebration, Meditation, Responsibility

Why Meditation? Why Let Go? Why This, Why That?

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“Why meditation? Why let go? Why be a witness or an observer? Why practice this awareness? Why develop this habit? Why watch your thoughts or your breath? Why learn control over your thoughts, feelings and behaviors? What is this all about or for?

When you are able to remain calm and centered in the midst of the most trying circumstances you will know exactly why you developed this habit. Learning in this manner allows you to de-stress and live in the world confidently and positively. You’re freer and enjoy more.

Why gratitude and appreciation for things you already have? Why gratitude for things you don’t have yet? Why gratitude for challenges and problems and difficult people and disappointment? Why be thankful for ‘bad’ things? Why not just be negative and sad?

No Meditation No Life – Know Meditation Know Life

When you are grateful for anything and everything you freer. If everything is a blessing you are centered and calm. You are able to respond resourcefully and rise to the occasion with clear focused thought. You know it will work out no matter what. You know it.

You know you will accept whatever is good or bad, yet be able to get through it. You know that ultimately good will prevail and you can move forward. You let go and drop worry and anxiety, anger and frustration, sadness and helplessness. You are free and are strong.

You can act to change the situation but you do so from a centered place. You can act and move with heart and compassion. You are better equipped for any situation than when hot headed or ego driven. Stress has consequences. You can’t think or behave well.

Life Begins Where And When The Fear Ends – Live Courageously

From a centered place where you can let go, forgive and forget you can move forward more easily. When you can celebrate everything there is everything to celebrate. You discover all that you want and need you have. You discover opportunity and abundance. Get it?

You make it so. Whatever you think or say is what it is or will be. Free yourself from judgements. Recognize what is is. Allow it. Only speak or declare what you want. If you call it a problem it is a problem. If you call it a blessing then it is. You decide what things are. You do!

Life is your creation. You are involved in making it whatever it is each moment. You may not be aware of this but it is true. Your life is a reflection of your thoughts. It is your projection. When you can see that you can drop that and live authentically. Live in peace and freedom, You can love and be loved. You can laugh and celebrate more. In fact, you CAN celebrate everything!” Rex Sikes

Enjoy the day!

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Affirmations, Emotions, Habit Formation, Intentional Thinking

What To Do To Begin Changing Your Life For The Better 3

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“Feel delighted as you say, ‘I am learning how to be centered. I am learning how to stay centered. I am learning to control my attention I am beginning the process of focusing on what I want. I am beginning to think more positive.’ Feelings run everything. They do!

‘I am learning to enjoy thinking positive. I think positive and I am positive. I am able to calm myself and stay centered. I am learning to take control and enjoy my abilities.’  The feelings are the drivers! The feelings are what gets the subconscious attention. They really do!

The feelings are more important than the words!  When we are worried, anxious, stressed or angry it is the feeling, more than the words, that the brain responds to. The same is true of feelings  and positive affirmations. In reality, we are always affirming and feeling.

You Can Have Anything You Want Just Give Up Believing You Can’t

The question is what are we feeling and what are we affirming? This is important to understand. In this case you choose to switch or swap out negative feeling affirmations for positive ones. Affirm what you want while feeling the best you can. That is what makes it work.

You will get the hang of it. Take it a bit at a time. Step by step, bit by bit, inch your way into success. You’ll succeed soon enough if you will just  keep at it. Do it once or twice daily but do it! Do this as I have describe for a couple minutes morning and night. Easy enough.

Do it for a minimum or 30, 60 or 90 days. Just a tiny bit of improvement, just 1% positive change, and you will become 90% better at managing thoughts and emotions than you are today. Yes, you can do it a extra times or whenever you want during the day.

Your Past Was A Lesson Not A Life Sentence – Learn New Things

If you feel you need to do it another time, do it. Do it no matter what! Do it during good times and bad times. Do it whether you feel like it or not. Champion athletes don’t always feel like working out but they do anyway. They know the value of commitment. They do!

Get an accountability partner who will help see you through each day to make sure you continue. STAY WITH IT and never quit! You will surprise and delight yourself as you make it a habit. Start easy and enjoy it! Make it fun. Look forward to doing it. AND you will!

Celebrate it. Feel silly. That’s okay. At times you may be angry or upset.  That is okay. You can be mad and say I am learning to be calm dammit! JUST decide this, and this is most important, decide what it is it YOU want to create EACH moment? What do you want?

The More We Do The More We Can Do – Feel Better And Better

IF IT IS TO FEEL GOOD then FEEL GOOD. It is up to you to do it. If you decided you want to drive to the store and no one drives you then you must make the drive yourself to get what you want. It’s exactly the same here. YOU DO IT! Don’t expect it to happen to you.

When finished saying your declarations or watching your breath take a moment and just feel grateful. Acknowledge your progress. This helps you move forward swiftly. Then write down at least three things, circumstance and people you feel grateful for. What only 3?

During my programs I encourage participants to write down 25 things you are grateful for each day. Journal them. Keep the list. Look for things that are good and new; opportunities and new blessings. Find what you already have that you can appreciate.

What You Think You Become – What You Feel You Attract

Do this nightly. Make it a ritual and you will create positive new habits that serve you well. Remember a snail’s pace is fine just remain committed and consistent. Less can be more. Simple can be the best. Gratitude and persistence the key. Celebrate everything!’ Rex Sikes

Have a blessed day!

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Horizons photo used with permission of Phil Koch.

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Acceptance, Awareness, Creating The Future, Intentional Thinking

What To Do To Begin Changing Your Life For The Better 2

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‘Do you realize anxiety is negative planning? You can learn to let it go. Focus on what you want instead of what you don’t want. Plan what you want not what you don’t. People think, ‘I don’t want to be anxious’  OR ‘I should lessen my anxiety.’ ‘I don’t want to worry.’

Consider what you just thought or said. What’s the last thought in your mind? Well, what is it? It is a thought about being anxious. If I say don’t think about a blue elephant what’s left in your mind? If I say I want to lessen my thoughts of a blue elephant, what’s the thought?

The last left in mind is STILL a blue elephant. Get it? I said don’t think about a blue elephant or I don’t want to think about a blue elephant and what remains in the mind IS the blue elephant or anxious thoughts. What you want to do is decide what you DO want.

You Get What You Focus On So Focus On What You Want

Think about what you want and even why you want it. Phrase it positively! ‘I want to be calm and peaceful. I want to focus on my breathing.’  There are the reasons why you want these. If you say, ‘so I am not upset’, what is left in the mind? Upset? Why do you want it?

Stop thinking upset! What is the POSITIVE benefit? Whenever I use the word ‘don’t’ as in, ‘don’t get mad’ I’m going to get mad because for me to understand what it means to ‘don’t’ or ‘not to get mad’  I have to imagine getting mad first? I have to picture it inside.

So I end up getting the very thing I don’t want. Get it? It is the same with the elephant. WHAT DO YOU WANT?  ‘I want to feel calm so I can freely express myself. I want to feel calm and be happy. I want to feel calm and find things to delight in.’ Focus on the positive benefit.

You Are Never Too Old Or Too Young To Set A New Goal Or Dream

‘I want to…’ It is okay to KNOW what you don’t want, or what you want to avoid or eliminate,  BUT your focus MUST BE on what YOU DO WANT! So you can say ‘I AM CALM. I AM CENTERED.  I AM FOCUSED ON MY BREATHING.’ This is useful and accurate.

You can also say, ‘I am learning to be calm. I am learning to be centered. I am learning to focus on my breathing. I am in the process of learning to become calm’, etc. This is true too. You are in the process of learning to be calm, or whatever your end goal is.

Whichever is easiest for you to accept and believe first. Either, you are calm or you are learning to be calm or even you are in the process of learning to be calm. Get it? It is quite simple. You want to be able to accept and believe that what you say is accurate and true.

Focus On Good Thoughts And Good Things Will Happen – Feel It

More next blog but here is the most important piece! CHANT IT. SING IT. DANCE IT! Add all the very best emotions and feeling to it that you can. Make yourself feel good and enthused about it.  Feel happy and joyful and enthused as you say ‘I am learning to be calm.’

Always encourage positive feelings and emotions. Look for anything and everything to feel good and glad about. The more you do the more you enhance your ability to find good things. The more we do the more we can do. Be grateful! Enjoy and celebrate everything!”

Have a magnificent day!

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Horizons photo used with permission of Phil Koch.

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Acceptance, Awareness, Choice, Focus

What To Do To Begin Changing Your Life For The Better 1

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“People ask me what they might do to begin transforming their mind and their life? It is simpler than you think it is. The only limitations that truly exist, exit in our thoughts or ways of thinking. One of the best things you can do is fill your mind with positive thoughts.

I suggest you read my blog. Go to the very first one and read a little bit each day. Read 30 minutes, or 5 minutes. Read thirty pages or 1 page. Everyday read and make a study of what you read. Revisit and re-read. Immerse yourself for as much time as possible. Journal.

If you can’t read a page a day read a paragraph. Read a single sentence. Just build a consistent habit. Remember ‘the proper fruit of knowledge is action’. Take one small action step each day toward what you want. One tiny baby step is all that is necessary to move.

Relax – Let Go – Simply Remain A Witness – Allow Accept Enjoy 

Decide to read daily and commit to it. That is good. Determine to meditate for a few moments. Just watch your thoughts and do nothing. Be an observer and not a participant. Don’t judge. Allow all to run their course. Allow your thoughts to go by as leaves on water.

You can choose to focus on your breathing. Put your attention on just your breath. Whether you choose to focus on thoughts or breath if your attention strays; fine THAT IS WHAT IT IS ALL ABOUT. When you notice you strayed bring you attention back.

Refocus your attention on your thoughts or breath gently without judgement. You WILL develop your concentration and your ability to notice and return easily. Go ahead and give it a go.  Spend a couple minutes. Even two or three to begin. Gradually increase the time.

Breathe In – Breathe Out – Let It Be – Remain Aware And At Ease

Build up until you can do five or seven. Later you can always do more. NEVER bite off more than you can chew. BABY Steps. 1% is more than plenty. Spend quality time rather than quantity time. Less can be more. Watch your thoughts and your breath. Merely observe.

Watch your wandering without judgement. Watch your return without judgement.  The key is to allow what is without any form of  judgement. Allow the process but let go of the judging.  You only LEARN to do this by doing it. This is HOW we begin. Bit by bit.

If you judged, fine you judged. That is what IS. You simply watch your breath. You forget or get distracted by other thoughts. You get upset and judge. Somewhere in all this you return attention to your breath. It may happen over and over. It’s ok. That’s how  you learn. Repeat.

Correct Repetition For Long Enough Time Becomes Habit And Skill

JUDGE THE HELL OUT OF IT if you wish. Just don’t quit. Eventually you will learn to ease up on the judgement without attacking it directly. Just allow it. Then be done with it at some point. Get it? Gentle, easy, is the way. The process is the point. You learn by doing.

Practice gratitude. Feel grateful. Delight in everything. As you increase your awareness and move forward acknowledge it. Pat yourself on the back. Be happy. Feel good. Good feelings will move you forward more swiftly. Look for things to feel good about. Seek and you will find. Celebrate everything!’ Rex Sikes

Delight and enjoy your day!

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Horizons photo used with permission of Phil Koch.

NEW BLOG SITE LAUNCHES SOON – Do you get this blog emailed to you? You will have  to again subscribe to this blog, newsletter. I’d hate for you to miss anything when it switches. Subscribe and Follow Daily Inspiration and Gratitude!

Attitude, Communicating, Energy, Relationships, Uncategorized

Who You Are Speaks Volumes: You Can’t Hide It

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“First impressions are lasting impressions. Are you a friendly, reliable, loyal, honest, trustworthy person that people want to do business with or say yes to? What message do they get fromYOU beyond the message you are attempting to communicate? WHO are you?

It’s important you understand what you are broadcasting to others. Because who you are and what you do is what people meet first; even on the phone. It isn’t only the words you use it is quality of your voice. What does the voice sound like? What impression do we get?

You cannot not communicate. You are communicating always. Speaking or silent  the message YOU is being transmitted. Be aware of who you are and what message your are always offering. How you stand, walk, sit speaks volumes. How you look; the look in your eyes.

The Medium Is The Message – You Can’t Not Communicate

The quality of your voice. The confidence or lack of it when you speak. You can’t hide who you are so you shouldn’t try. You should develop yourself into an awesome person and presence whom people enjoy and want to be around, do things for and say yes to.

More on this later. Simply become aware of what you broadcast day and night. It may surprise you to learn. Are you broadcasting positivity or negativity; friendliness or unfriendliness; WHAT do you broadcast? Who are you? What is important to you? It all goes out!

Everyone picks up something about you. They read signals and interpret or misinterpret. What message are they getting? An easy way to be more likable is to become filled with gratitude and express it freely. Live in appreciation and become so filled it spills over to the others. Celebrate everything!” Rex Sikes

Have a fun day!

If you like these posts please subscribe. If you think these posts would help others please share them. Help Spread the word. 

Horizons photo used with permission of Phil Koch.

NEW BLOG SITE LAUNCHES SOON – Do you get this blog emailed to you? You will have  to again subscribe to this blog, newsletter. I’d hate for you to miss anything when it switches. Subscribe and Follow Daily Inspiration and Gratitude!

Attitude, Communicating, Intentional Thinking, Responsibility

Do You Understand You Are 100% Responsible For It All?

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“I am responsible.’  Few people want to say this. Fewer want to say it confidently. ‘You are responsible.’ Fewer people want to be told or hear this. It seems taking responsibility for our thoughts, feelings, and actions is something many people want to avoid. That sucks.

We should take responsibility and be accountable. Two different things that seem similar. We own up to it and are willing to endure whatever positive or negative consequences that follow. What the many miss is there is great power in taking it all on. Very great!

Whether or not it is accurate to say we are responsible for everything that happens in our life, for our entire life, we access greater creative control over it all when we apply the principle to ourselves. We become the person who makes things happen.

When You Blame Others You Are Saying You Are Powerless

We eliminate victim mentality and exercise the ability to always have a positive next step to make more of what we want happen. We are in charge of our thoughts, feelings, actions and the results we get. While we do cooperate with others, it is still in our hands.

It is our focus, our dedicated attention, our intentions, and our own actions that create our life. Are we influenced from the outside? Yes, of course.  When we take 100% of the responsibility on us, whether it is true or not, we have the power to create whatever we want!

We don’t allow room for pity or feeling sorry for ourselves. We may need to get up and dust off after a fall but we continue to move forward optimistically even when disappointed. We eliminate excuses,  blaming ourselves or others, all accusing and negativity.

If You Don’t Like Something Change It Or Change Your Attitude

When we think positive, accept the responsibility, stop whining and keep forward momentum we can make nearly anything happen. Our mindset is strong, positive and firm. We are committed to correcting when necessary, adjusting and moving on. We create or find a way.

We don’t stop because the going gets hard. Nor do we make others responsible for our feelings or the results we get. We keep the power instead of giving it away. When it comes to communicating or working with others we realize it is up to us to help create rapport.

It is up to us to help  insure the other person gets our message in a positive, useful and friendly say. The relationship should always be more important than the point you are attempting to make. Take the attitude others are in your care and you can help them understand.

Be Responsible –  It Is You Who Will Get To Where You Want To Go

Adjust your communication positively until you create the understanding necessary to move forward. Don’t blame them for not ‘getting it’ adjust and be flexible. Attempt another approach until they begin to understand. Get it? Accept responsibility.

It may not really be yours to accept but when you wear that hat, adopt that concept, live from this mindset, you can get further faster than when you don’t. Get it? Beliefs don’t have to be ‘true’ to be useful. Understand the utility of the concept not the validity of it.

Be willing to try it on and claim the power for making positive things happen. Nurture them along. Help others instead of insisting that they ‘get’ you help them to. Go First! Create a positive attitude and climate from which you live your life and communicate with others. Get along. Turn resistance into assistance. Be grateful and celebrate everything!” Rex Sikes

Take charge and do it today!

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Horizons photo used with permission of Phil Koch.

NEW BLOG SITE LAUNCHES SOON – Do you get this blog emailed to you? You will have  to again subscribe to this blog, newsletter. I’d hate for you to miss anything when it switches. Subscribe and Follow Daily Inspiration and Gratitude!

Focus, Mindset, Paradigms, Positive Thinking

Don’t Buy It When The Gurus Say You’re Screwed

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“Have you ever noticed that the self help law of attraction gurus tell you you must focus on what you want and that you attract only what you are. They emphasize the positive and the wanted and tell you to eliminate and ignore what you don’t want and wish to exclude.

Then they turn around and tell you the problem is you and your unwanted beliefs and behaviors and turn your focus from what you want to what you don’t want. The hidden recesses of your unconscious. They tell you it is hard to change and necessary.

I think they should tell it to you like it is. Yes, you learned old programs and were conditioned to believe them over time. You accepted them without realizing it and the are automated and reliable. they work without you having to think about it.

You Have All The Tools And Resources In You To Make Any Change

The brain works as it is designed. Learn, wire in neural pathways and automate it. The brain doesn’t care if the behaviors or thoughts are beneficial or not, good or bad, true or made up. Those aren’t in its pay grade. It only does what it is designed to do.

Keep you alive and help you function day to day. So if you learned to smoke and it became a habit, you smoke. One day you consciously decided to quit. You try but it is difficult. The huge engine of unconscious behaviors and habits run on and on.

As they are supposed to. It is not trying to sabotage you or prevent you from anything. It is doing what it learned to do.  It is working perfectly as it is designed. The only thing you need to do IS TO focus on what you want and nurture that.

Start Where You Are – Use What You Have – Do What You Can

Remember, the story of the two wolves inside you that are fighting. The one that wins is the one you feed. Feed what you want. If you think it will be hard then it will be. If you think it easy it will be. Beliefs are like that. What we belief tends to be the case.

We see from out mindset. We don’t see what is there. We see what we believe to be there. This is another function of the brain and the reticular activating system; to find matches within our experience and within our circumstances to our habitual mindset. The old one!

If you want to find new things you have to change the mind set. Stop thinking you are sabotaging yourself and realize you work perfectly well. You have changed some of your desires and now you want to go after them. Old habits remain but you can replace them.

Stop Doubting Yourself – Put In The Effort To Make It Happen

The easier you think it will be the easier it will be. It most likely won’t happen over night. We should still think realistically. It will happen soon enough as you keep at it. Encourage yourself, nurture yourself, feed yourself the positive, the productive, the joyful.

Leave the sabotage to the gurus selling another reason why you need them. Find your inner strength and happiness. Find your delight and celebration. Yes, there may, and most likely will, be speed bumps. That is all part of the wonderful universe we inhabit. Don’t focus on the speed bumps. Focus on where you want to end up. Celebrate everything.” Rex Sikes

Today think spectacularly!

If you like these posts please subscribe. If you think these posts would help others please share them. Help Spread the word. 

Horizons photo used with permission of Phil Koch.

NEW BLOG SITE LAUNCHES SOON – Do you get this blog emailed to you? You will have  to again subscribe to this blog, newsletter. I’d hate for you to miss anything when it switches. Subscribe and Follow Daily Inspiration and Gratitude!

Acceptance, Focus, Gratitude, Mindset

It’s Already Here: You Don’t Have To Look Far To Find It!

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“You are already complete. Ancient mystics and philosophers have told us this forever. We are missing nothing within. Yes, we think we are but the truth is we already have everything we need or want. In Neuro Linguistic Programing (NLP) we have a tenant that states:

You have all the resources already within you to make any change. Some people don’t believe that but those who do WILL discover the truth of that statement. When we think we are limited in any way, we are. When we think we have everything we need, we actually do.

We’ll uncover those resources, become more creative, more aware and more apt to discover and notice those resources whenever we need them or want them. The Reticular Activation System of our brain finds those matches within and without us. It works this way.

You Are Already That Which You Seek – Accept And Allow It

It works, but only for those who are open to it. If you are closed you don’t know what you miss. It’s no different than standing before a closed door you’ve never stood before; you don’t know what’s on the other side. How could you? You can’t. You don’t have access.

But if the door is open you can see what’s there. You can enter and explore. Being open to possibilities is the same. The more open and available you are, the more you can discover and benefit. Staying open is the trick. Let go of beliefs that don’t support and limit you.

You already have it all. You simply have to learn to accept this. Once you begin to accept it you will begin to experience it. As you experience it, the more you do, the more you will. When you accept and believe there are no limitations you become free.

Be Silent And Listen The Inspiration You Seek Is Within You

The freer you become the more free you become. The easier it is to manifest. The more you manifest the better you get at it. Everything is similar to a muscle. It grows with use. It begins with acceptance. It begins by dropping negativity, doubt and defeat. It begins with trust.

It begins by accepting your true resourceful, abundant nature. It begins by accepting yourself as a creator, and attractor. It begins by claiming your power. It comes with recognizing who you are and what you are able to do. Speak only to bless, heal and prosper.

Stop telling old defeatist stories about lack and defeat. Start telling stories about love, happiness and success. Make it so. You don’t wait for it. YOU do it. Discover who you are. Drop inside and get acquainted with the true you. You are divine. You are incredible.

Be Still – The Answers You Seek Come When You’re Quiet

Accept it and live it. Feel it. Experience it. Remember it. IT is who you already are. Appreciate it. Be grateful. Live it. Savor it. Expand it. Allow it and receive it. Encourage it. Celebrate it. Celebrate everything!” Rex Sikes

Let your light shine more today!

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Acceptance, Communicating, Curiosity, Trust

How To Know What Is Really Important!

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“To get people to do what you want you have to appeal to who they are. People have beliefs and values that are important to them. They have rules and procedures for how to eliminate woes, and  how to best go about living in the world, succeeding and being happy.

They function by principles, rules, evidence and procedures. We may explore each of these in coming blogs but today I want to broach the subject of values. We all have values.  Some we share with others and some unique to the individuals.

Where values are shared there can be rapport. What is important to you and to me may be our bridge that brings us closer together. Unless we are both competing to fulfill those. It really isn’t much different than you like latte’s and I like latte’s. It is similar.

You’ll Find A Way If It Is Important To You If Not You’ll Find Excuse

We share something in agreement. We both agree it is important to be honest, or loyal or tolerant. Yet how we define these and apply them could vary wildly. Many couples vacation together. It is important for them to get away and spend together time.

What is important about that vacation may wildly differ between them. They could be in for a wonderful or rough time depending on what is most important to each. Whether or not they help each other fulfill what is important to them will determine their success.

For example one partner can’t wait to get away and have loads of fun. This person wants to wine and dine and dance. They want to go out and party, see the sights, meet the people and experience a grand and wild time. They can’t wait until they can let loose!

Ask What Is Really Important Then Find A Way To Deliver On That

The other partner can’t wait to get away from the rat race and relax. They want to leave the madness of the city behind. No phones, no pressures, no deadlines, no people to bother with. They just want to sitt by the water and chill out. They want to savor their time away.

Can you imagine these two may have some difficulty? Perhaps, they’d be better taking separate vacations. Many people get there and then argue that it isn’t going well as they had expected. Why? Because their expectations were never really voiced. Imagined, yes.

Had they talked it out upfront it could be much better. All they need to do is ask, what is important to you about this vacation? What do you hope it to be? What do you want to do? Then they will find out they both have separate and different desires and expectations.

Agreement In Likes And Dislikes Is The Beginning Of Rapport

They can then decided whether or not to vacation together OR how to insure that both of their needs and wants are met during the time they are together. They negotiate quiet relaxing times and wild out there party times. Then both can feel fulfilled and get along.

They help each other out by helping each other get what is important and necessary for each. They work together to make sure both are well cared for and not abused or ignored. Get it? Because they know what is important to each they can work together.

To get along easily with another person appeal to what is important to them. Look them in the eye and say, ‘what is important to you?’ What is important to you about this? What does that, or having that do for you or allow you to do? So few people ever ask. We need to.

Friendship Comes From Trust Uplifting And Valuing Each Other 

‘What is important to you about being a parent?’  ‘What is important to you about racing cars?’ ‘What is important to you about going to that school?’ ‘What is important to you about your boyfriend?’ What is important to you? Then listen and accept their answer.

For practice, whatever their answer, repeat it back to them respectfully. Don’t look at them bewildered and exclaim,  ‘WHAAAAT?  FUN?!?!? is important???’ Be respectful. Accept whatever they say. It is what IS important to them. Treat it so!

‘So fun is important? Very cool. What does having fun do for you? Their answer may reveal another value. Let’s say they said confidence. ‘Cool, so when you have fun you feel confident, or you have a sense of confidence.’ It doesn’t have to make sense to you.

Trust Comes From Understanding And Taking Positive Actions

It makes sense to them. Respect and accept that. Listen and let them know you care. You hold them in high regard. You will do whatever you can to help them fulfill their positive values. When you accept, without judging or ridiculing, you create more harmony and rapport.

You help create understanding and trust. You connect more deeply and you are getting to know each other more deeply because you are learning about what they are trying to fulfill in their life. If not their whole life at least in this topic area. It is important to them.

We have some values which permeate all areas of our life. Some might call these Core Values and we have others that are more situational. Our beliefs and rules and procedures and processes similarly can be situational or core. We will explore more later.

It’s Not Just What’s Important To Them It’s How They Fulfill That

For now, remember to ask people what is important to them. Genuinely be interested. Listen and respect their answers. Utilize what they tell you to help them fulfill their wants and needs and you will may benefit them greatly. Use it to build trust and rapport.

Your understanding of what motivates them and what challenges them will grow immensely. It will help you understand your partner in life, your parents or children, friends, co-workers, employers and employees. You will learn a lot about the people in your world.

Enjoy them. Enjoy learning. Delight in all things. Appreciate these tools you have to build bridges. Understanding what makes another person ‘tick’  bring us closer together. It helps eliminate hinderances and misunderstanding.  It allows us create win /win outcomes so we can get along and each feel fulfilled. Celebrate. Celebrate everything!” Rex Sikes

Smile more today!

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Photo used with permission of Phil Koch