“Here is something you can learn to do for yourself that will free you up from a lot of wasted time in conflict with others. It can free you up from a lot of time spent in pain. Usually when we are upset or argue with others blaming, even name calling may occur. If you want to be free it is important to learn how to disconnect.
It will benefit you, as it does each of us, to learn to be less affected by the words others use against us. When I grew up we learned ‘sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me’. I thought then that was pretty awesome and I think so today too. However, some do not. Some think we should be careful with our words to not offend anyone.
I don’t disagree with that. We should be careful and sensitive and respectful. We ought not say things that hurt or offend others, We also should learn to have thicker skin or disconnect from others attempts to hurt us. We need to learn to not take their insults personally. We need to let them go. and be free from them.
Consider this. If some one you are arguing with suddenly called you a rocket ship how bent out of shape would you get? Would it hurt you or upset you? Most probably not. You might think, ‘what on earth is with this person? Are they okay?’ You might laugh or express confusion but it wouldn’t devastate you, would it?
Ok, that is because you know that YOU are NOT a rocket ship. I am correct about this right, you aren’t one, are you? You are a human being. So if someone called you a rocket ship you might think they were confused, out of their mind, silly, or anything else but you wouldn’t be bothered by it. I mean, you really wouldn’t, right?
The same applies to negative statements and names others might use to hurt us intentionally or unintentionally. They are behaving foolishly using names and negative comments so why react with hurt or anger. Let it go! This is a trick you can apply whenever you find yourself in a situation like this. Remember, you are NOT whatever another person says you are. You simply are not!
Unless of course you are. If they say you are lazy and YOU KNOW you are lazy then take it as useful feedback. Sometimes others deliver to us useful, needed messages. They just don’t do it in the nicest ways. If someone provides you with useful feedback even in the heat of anger, thank them because they have helped you face an area you may want to change.
When you acknowledge them positively, no matter what their reason is for saying hurtful things, you may short circuit their own mental programs. Here is an example.
I was in my mid 20’s, walking in my L A neighborhood, many years ago when some teenagers at the local school spotted me and yelled, ‘hey ass—-!’ I kept walking not realizing they were yelling at me at first. The tried again and taunted more continuing to call me that name. They continued yelling loudly and it got my attention.
I stopped. I looked at them and said sincerely, and I meant it. ‘Hey thanks you are right, I am an ass—-. Sometimes I forget that but you have helped me by pointing that out.’ They quickly scrambled out of there exclaiming ‘wow this guy is weird’ and they left me alone.
From my perspective they were right. There are times and have been times when I have acted that way. At that moment those teens yelling that alerted me to the fact. I thanked them and resolved in my mind to do better when dealing with others.
So two things, one it didn’t bother me that they called me a name. It illuminated behaviors that I took responsibility for. It was feedback albeit from a unlikely source for certain. The second thing, I responded nicely.
I thanked them and it freaked them out. I wasn’t trying to freak them out, just actually thank them. They just didn’t know what to do or say when I responded as I did. That may happen some times.
People around you may or they may not respond similarly. We just don’t know. But there is a scripture that says ‘a kind word turns away wrath.’ Personally, I prefer the Peanuts cartoon where Snoopy licks a ranting Lucy who runs off in terror having had her face licked by a dog. And Snoopy thinks, ‘a kiss turns away wrath’.
Think about it and learn not to be so affected by other’s words and deeds. Forgive, let go, be nice when you are able, or imagine they called you a tree house instead. Life is much more fun and interesting when we don’t get hooked by others in the heat of argument. Spend more time making life nice for yourself. ” Rex Sikes
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