“Alright, you may be offended by the previous blog. Some people may be others won’t be. That is ok. Everyone is entitled to respond however they respond. However you respond says more about you and what are your concerns are than is about my blog.
If you have read my blogs or followed my discussions for years you know I make the case that two people can go and watch the same movie side by side. When they exit one loved it the other hated it. Neither opinion has anything to do with the actual movie. This, of course, you already realize.
Who Is In Charge Of Your Brain
Their response to the movie has everything to do with their mindset, their expectations, their values, their experience of and during the movie. It is a comment about what they like or don’t like and has nothing to do with the movie at all.
It only seems to have something to do with the movie. After all is said and done it is their opinions. Professional movie critics simply provide their opinions and nothing else. You may see the movie and agree or wholly disagree with them. The movie is the movie – whether you like it or not IS YOUR REACTION or YOUR RESPONSE to the movie.
This applies to everything else in life. Life happens and we react to it or we respond to it. The key to success IS learning to respond rather than react. Be in charge of your thoughts. Run your brain don’t let it run you!
I have no monopoly on “truth’. I do not profess to. My opinion is not able to encompass every example and counter example in the world so I don’t try to. Still, you have to be above the yard stick in order to see both ends. What does that mean, Rex? It means, you have to have enough distance from the topic to see both ends or all sides.
Remember, every coin has more than one face. A diamond is multi faceted. No article or speech or book can encompass everything about the subject. So while trying to be fair I don’t try to encompass everything. That would be futile. I assume my readers are smart enough to know this. And you are.
Many Roads Lead To Rome Travel Well
Okay, it may have upset some of you (YOU) that I said therapy sucks. My article, the point, the premise, theme, the thesis, remains exactly the same if you remove any and all reference to therapy from it. Forget therapy altogether. Take it completely out and read the article. Same with this article. In case, this fine point has eluded you.
The article is about you! The article is about me! The article is about the locus of control. It had far less to do with therapy than with getting you to think about where you attribute the source of your suffering and the source of your resourcefulness. It is about whether or not you are ‘at cause’ or ‘at effect’.
Frankly, it only had to do with therapy to the extent that some practice that form too. Most people do it already in their everyday lives. Most people haven’t been in therapy. TAKE everything I said about therapy out and the article is the same article.
In my life it is me. It is Rex. ‘I’ am responsible. No one and nothing else in my life but me. I am 100% responsible for my thoughts, my suffering and my bliss. I am the creator in and of my life circumstances. I am responsible for where I lay blame for problems.
You Alone Are 100% Responsible For Enjoying Your Journey
Either I put it on me or I put it onto others or on circumstances. I say the blame, I mean the buck. The buck lands squarely on my shoulders and my shoulders alone. NO ONE and NO THING else! I am 100% the creator of my life and responsible for my thoughts, feelings, behaviors and results. The buck stops with me.
EVEN if this is not completely an accurate representation of reality. Maybe there is an outer world that influences. I am not asserting that I am god if I say I create all of my experience so please don’t go there. I am saying a useful platform to work from is to adopt the notion that everything is up to me EVEN if it actually isn’t.
Consider Victor Frankl. Think about being imprisoned. Someone may take my liberty away. I may not be able to control that BUT I can control my response to a very disagreeable situation.
I can make it the best situation possible given the circumstances. I may be able to celebrate and remain totally free in mind and experience freedom even when incarcerated. This is what control means. This is what focus means. It means make the best of everything because you are in charge. When life gives you lemons…
It can either suck terribly or it can be incredible. YOU, ME our thoughts about it, our response to it, determines how we go through it. NOTHING ELSE DOES! Frankl wrote about this in ‘Man’s Search For Meaning’ if you have not read it you may want to.
Make The Most Of Your Circumstances
So when I say I blame myself I don’t mean I blame. I mean I am willing to take responsibility for my thoughts, feelings, responses, actions and behaviors. I take responsibility for the results I get.
Millionaires are made during bad economies. While some are whining and blaming the banks, their jobs, the government, and others for a tough time some people are happily making money. It isn’t the outer circumstances it is what you think about the outer circumstances that makes the difference! From within so without!
It isn’t about blaming and criticizing oneself rather it is about learning who is in charge and doing whatever it takes to be in charge. Instead of blaming oneself for shortcomings celebrate the awareness! When you notice the heat, the hurt, the suffering, the fear or anger celebrate the awareness.
Then shift your attention so that you productively use your awareness to evolve. For god sakes don’t get mired down in self criticism. That leads no where fast. Celebrate! Give yourself praise and encouragement for noticing what wasn’t working and put your attention on what works. Focus on what you CAN DO instead of whining about what you can’t do.
The bottom line. If you think my post is crap and I am wrong that is absolutely fine with me. IF you prefer to focus on what doesn’t work and where you are weak so be it. You think you should work on your weaknesses and improve on those. Go for it.
Your Attitude Determines Your Altitude – Your Belief Determine What You Do – What You Think And Do Determines Your Results
You think you need to uncover the dirt in order to change. OK I get it. I mean this is in no pejorative way. I totally get it. Do whatever you need to do to maintain your status quo. There is room in the world for a variety of approaches and I have no monopoly on truth.
I wrote my article to bring awareness to the issue. I mean no disrespect. You like doing it your way. You like therapy. It is okay to like therapy. There are many approaches I like as well.
When I say the number 1 reason why therapy sucks I mean that IS the number one reason. I never said all therapy sucks or never go or have therapy. If you read that YOU read that into my post. I didn’t put it there.
I Have Set The Alarm
My words are like an alert signal! I am sounding an alarm. In this day and age I believe rightfully so. There are abuses out there. Just as there are great therapists out there. Consider this; you may argue not all therapy is bad and I should not have said ‘therapy sucks’.
What if we change the premise to ‘all therapy is good’. Is that equally true or are their exceptions, as well? Might you find times and places and practices that are not good? Are there abuses in the field? See nothing is all one way or the other. There is nuance. Am I obliged to find all the ways that therapy wasn’t good then? I think not.
If you want therapy that is fine. Hopefully, having been alerted, you look for a compassionate good therapist instead of accepting any old therapist. You seek the best approach and the most qualified worker.
BUT AGAIN none of this post or the previous post IS actually about therapy at all. It may still be difficult to understand this! I repeat, it is about where you put the responsibility and the practices and habits you have in life. It is about what you do most frequently during your daily life at work, at play, at home.
If you examine and search for reasons you are broken you will find them. If you look for ways to blame your family, friends, co-workers, yourself or the world you will find them. If you search for talents and abilities you excel at you will find those. If you look for ways to uplift and celebrate others and the world you will find them as well.
Whatever you focus on expands. You become what you think about. What you think about you bring about.
Some concepts are hard to give up. Some concepts are difficult to accept. Some things take time too. Its okay! I get it. Take all the time you need. But know this because it is important.
What You Believe Determines Your Reality
Perception is everything and it truly is. If you think you need to sift through all the troubles from the past in order to come out clean, so be it. Then you have to do that in order to fulfill what you believe; you will do whatever you must to remain internally consistent.
Go do it. But use this as a rule. You become what you think about most of the time. So stay focused on the positive, stay focused on what you want, keep focused on your strengths at least 80% of your time. Use 80/20 as a guide. Actually, I’d prefer 99 to 1% but okay 80 to 20. Most of us live this way anyway.
We can’t be 100% positive (unless we actually can be – that may just be a limiting belief) so any percentage points higher after 50/50 positive/negative is a step in the right direction. 51% positive is moving in the right direction. Keep on moving in the right direction!
Because what you focus on expands, because what you think about you become keep your mind on all the most marvelous aspects of you most of the time. Think the best thoughts. Affirm your positivity. Live in gratitude. Maintain a champion mindset. Live, lough, laugh!
The other 20% of the time, if you feel you want to or must, go ahead and develop your weaknesses. Go ahead and sift through the less than glorious stuff. You can have your cake and eat it too in this regard. You can develop weaknesses there is nothing WRONG in doing that.
Spend 80% Of Your Time Thinking And Feeling Good
Whether or not you resolve past issues during the 20% or whether you skyrocket ahead during the 80% time you focus on the glorious doesn’t matter. You will move forward at whatever the rate and for whatever the reasons because you are devoted to improving.
You may not move as quickly the closer you are to 50/50 because that is how you remain stuck in ok. The more you UP the percentage MORE of the time the MORE likely you are to experience positive changes quicker and more easily. This is because what you spend your time doing most determines what you get back.
Don’t be upset if you are a fan of therapy. No reason to bristle because I said focusing on shortcomings and negativity is not the best approach for making positive changes.
There is no reason to feel bad unless you insist on feeling bad. There is NO reason to feel bad because of what I write. It isn’t worth upsetting yourself over. The goal is to discover what you can do to live more successfully. Take your control back don’t give me any.
Your mission, should you accept it, is to be the very best you that you can be. Ultimately, when you are happy as you want to be, it won’t matter how you got there so much. As long as how you got there was wonderful for you and the others in your life. Include others in the fun too! I prefer to enjoy the journey along the way.
Make The Major Part Of Your Life The Good Part
Make the major part of your life the good part, the great part, the fun, loving, kind, enjoyable part and you will be surprised at how quickly you can be, do and have everything you want. When most of your hours are filled with love, joy, fun, and delight YOU are already living life in a more meaningful way.
Spend your time in delight, in gratitude and celebration. Appreciate where you came from, all the experiences and people in your life. Everything from the past has brought you to now. Celebrate this!
Appreciate and validate where you are today. Celebrate all. Know that great things are coming in the future and that you will accomplish wonderful things. Good things are now and on he horizon, even if you can not see them yet, good things are coming your way. Let them in!” Rex Sikes
Make up your mind to make your mind marvelous today!
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