Tag Archives: Habit Formation

Stop Sabotaging Yourself With Negative Self-Talk!

what you allow is what will continue

“We all have a stream of thought that flows through our head continuously. We think in pictures and we describe those pictures to ourselves and/or we comment on them to ourselves. Some people are more cognizant of their mental images than others but we all see (in some fashion) and respond to the images we form.

We think in words and sentences.  We talk to ourselves silently or out loud.  We talk ourselves through activities and exclaim when things go well or not so well.  Our thoughts may be negative or positive. Some may be neutral. Regardless, we are thinking to ourselves moment to moment during our waking hours. Some people are more aware of what they say to themselves than others.

This stream of consciousness is a left brain function. There has been a lot of emphasis on right brain for creativity. Many actors, artists, musicians and performers are believed to have a right hemispheric dominance, however, research suggests that happiness is a left brain function. Creativity right brain but happiness left brain.

This may be  one of the reasons why many creative people and others seem to be tormented. They use their right hemisphere well but they either  under utilize the left hemisphere or they have not developed the ability to manage their thought process. The key to well-being is in whole brain function and balance. You want to utilize both hemispheres more effectively. To do so results in feeling better and more well-being.

you can master anything w self control

The key to happiness is in what we say to ourselves repeatedly every second of the day! Our happiness depends on our thoughts, our images and our words.  Thought precedes action and feelings.  When we think the best we can feel the best!

There is no real way around this. When you are feeling incredible your thoughts are aligned with those feeling. If you don’t believe this to be true what happens when you are feeling great and suddenly get some bad news? You know, it rains on your parade. Do you then begin to feel bad? If so, what changed?

Obviously, your thoughts have changed. Instead of enjoying what you were enjoying and thinking and feeling NOW your thoughts are about whatever the news is. So your thoughts have changed. Then what happens?  Your feelings change. Don’t they?

I bet they do! Unless, you have learned how to be otherwise. If you have learned the art of managing your thinking and feelings then you will understand how to feel great but be able to respond appropriately in any situation. SO change your thoughts and you change your feelings!

talk to yourself like someone you love

You cannot be a positive person if most of your thoughts are neutral and negative. You can’t have a positive fulfilling life if most of your thoughts aren’t positive.  In order to be happy, powerful and productive and in order to create the kind of life you want your SELF TALK and pictures should be PREDOMINANTLY  positive.

What we say IS important! We should make positive pictures and speak positively to ourselves (and others). I have discussed each of these in this blog and I encourage you to go back and read about what you can do in more detail. It will open your eyes and you will discover more nuance when you go back and re-read.

YOU can be, do and have anything you want WHEN YOU learn how! You  can be, do and have anything you want when you put into daily practice what you have learned.  Knowledge is only useful when it is applied. To know and not to do is to not know! You must use what you know correctly to make the changes you want to make to improve your life. You must develop positive habits!

In order to make better pictures practice visualizing what you want. See what you want as already having occurred for you. Imagine everything as you want it to be in as much detail as possible. Do this again and again daily. Learn to focus on what you want and stay with it for a few minutes at a time. DAILY! As often as you can but at least once a day. Twice is better. You will discover this to be incredibly powerful.

change what is going on within you

Manage what you think and say to yourself. Use Directed Questions and Affirmations to direct your mind and keep it on positive thoughts. Repeat the affirmations with enthusiasm and energy out loud when you are alone and able to. Shouting them happily in the car while you drive safely is a great time to be positive.

If you discover yourself thinking less than gloriously in your self talk, or images stop, and nudge yourself back into thinking positive. Learn the art of changing the direction of your thoughts. Remember, from previous posts about changing the channel. You may not be able to stop or get rid of negative thoughts directly BUT you CAN replace them!

Take control! Then you become  in charge of your own thought stream instead of allowing it to run over you. When you do this you are learning at the conscious and unconscious level to develop new powerful, helpful,reliable habits because you are wiring in new neural pathways. New neural pathways mean new thoughts, feelings and behaviors.

Take charge of your feelings and behaviors. If you are stuck change what you are doing. Take a short small break. Take some deep breaths, SIGH. Stretch. Take a brisk walk. Go somewhere private and do  jumping jacks or some vigorously physical activity for a moment. Shift your physiology. Use your body movement and posture differently. Change your body posture, your breathing and your rate of movement and you will change your thinking and feelings too.

success is the sum of small efforts repeated day in and day out

To become more positive and inspired overall fill your mind each day with inspirational, motivational, positive, powerful material. Read from books, listen to audio. Surround yourself with positive images and pictures. Hang out with positive people. Spend time in nature enjoying the beauty. Help others. Relax, chill, stop resisiting. Count your blessings and look for what is good! There is a lot you can do. You don’t have to do everything but you have to do SOME things.

Understand that your ONE goal is to feel good moment to moment. After all what is life all about if it isn’t about having a wonderful one? Your goal is to feel the best you can at any given time and help others to feel the best they can.  I don’t mean a syrupy dripping with greeting card positivity. I mean to genuinely feel well being and the best you can feel. Life is meant to be enjoyable so enjoy it!

When you take deliberate charge  of your self talk you are doing something incredible for yourself. When you manage your internal thoughts, the pictures and sounds and sentences you generate, you are able to tip the scale toward the positive. You want more positive than negative. You want A LOT of positive.

Fill up your being  with the positive and become a more positive, productive and powerful person. When you are a more positive, powerful, and productive person you can more easily get what you want. You can think, focus and act far better than when negative. You can resolve issues much more readily when you are feeling good and up, than when you are down and out. When your energy, your being, your thoughts and feelings are mostly positive YOU CAN literally be, do and have anything you want!” Rex Sikes

Make to day count for something wonderful!

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Love Changes Everything!

you can always do more than you think

“No one wants to go without it. Everyone wants to feel loved. There have probably been times in your life when you wished someone would call you up and say something nice. You hoped for someone to share an encouraging, kind word with you. Perhaps, you longed for something that simple or just a hug when it was most needed.

When you take a moment for someone else you are helping that person to feel more significant, to feel validated and to feel cared for, maybe even, loved. We all want to feel these feelings.  We want to feel important. All of us can help each other to feel better. You and I can.

Take a second or two during your day to say hello, to smile, to acknowledge another person when you are passing by. See if you can’t put a smile on their lips. Listen, respond, validate. Be kind, be thoughtful, be gentle.

When you lift another person up emotionally; when you inspire them; when you can help someone reach a goal or  support them in their passion do so. Do not hesitate. Give and give freely. Providing a moment of caring can make all the difference to someone in need.

what u put out u attract

Not only will you help someone else to feel better but you will help yourself too. If you’d like to fill your life to overflowing with everything wonderful give first. When you give first, without expecting anything in return,  you change yourself in many positive ways. When you pay it forward you get it back many times over, even if it never comes from anyone else. You feel the feelings because you did something generous and wonderful. You transform yourself!

This time of the year can be particularly difficult for many people. Holidays are meant to be happy but they are not for everyone. Whether we are in the season or not being kind, loving and supportive is something we can be and do every day of the year.

Discover what you can do today! Small or large create a positive ripple of loving and kind energy through all of those around you. Spread thoughtful, loving energy to family, friends and strangers. Make your day and theirs a little easier and nicer!” Rex Sikes

Enjoy, celebrate and delight. Life is grand!

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Who Do You Think You Are?

correct your mind the rest will fall into place

“Who are you? The answer is, you are who you think you are. You are either a poor person who doesn’t have enough and lives hand to mouth, a pauper, perhaps, or you are a wealthy millionaire living abundantly enjoying everything there is to enjoy. Who deserves it!

The fact of the matter is that  what is currently in your bank account doesn’t matter. Your past and present do not define you. YOU define you!  What matters is your self definition, the view of yourself, the thoughts you think about you. These determine who are you. You determine who you are and how far you will go. You determine what your life will be like and what you do and have. YOU, it is all up to you!

You decide who you are . Your present situation shows you what your thoughts about you have been up until now. You are where your thoughts brought you. You will go where your thoughts take you. If you like where you are at, fabulous! Keep it up!

If you do not like your current circumstances YOU can change them! You can make life more of what you want it to be, BUT, you have to be willing to change what you are doing! That is the key. If you want your life to change then you must make some changes first. Then you can have everything you want.

Everything begins in thought. Thought precedes feelings and actions. Reality is really only our interpretation. You’d be better off imagining that you are very wealthy but have yet to deposit all that money in your account than to worry about about your current financial situation. Worry and fear only bring about more of the same. You don’t want more lack do you? If you want abundance you focus on it!

worry takes away today's peace

The point is to aim high at what you want to become. You may not have everything yet, but in your mind you should assume that you do and live there as though you have.  Imagine vividly what you want as though you already have all of it. See yourself as your ideal self and continue to hold these thoughts in your mind. Daily! Often!

Send a clear command to your unconscious mind (your servo-mechanism) that this is who you are and what you want. Then patiently wait for it to develop. It is a process and takes some time.

You faithfully work on it daily. It works similarly to planning a trip. You chose your ultimate destination. You know where you want to end up and then you travel there. You may have to alter your route from time to time but you keep heading toward where you want to end up. You  get there bit by bit. You can’t rush it.  It takes whatever amount of time it takes but ultimately you arrive at your chosen direction, but, you have to stick with it and never quit.

So decide who you are. Decide what you do and what you have and keep that alive in your mind daily. Stay positive! It is not what is presently going on that matters! You created that previously. Do not focus on the present circumstances!  Focus on what you want and how it will be in the future. Maintain that focus habitually! Stick with it.

see it in your mind first

How do you deal with the present? You embrace it with compete and utter gratitude. After all, you brought it about whether you wanted to or not. Appreciate everything.  Take 100% responsibility and appreciate yourself. You move forward faster when you are grateful!

Whatever you did, whatever you have was because of what you thought and did at that time. Whatever you did you did. No worries no matter. No blame. Accept it. You acted as you knew how to act then. What matters most is what you decide from here on out. From this moment on is what matters! It is what you do next and what you continue to do that will determine what your future will be like!

Recognize that YOU can make the future whatever you want it to be. Go back and re-read these blog posts for more details, tips, strategies and principles that will help guide you into having an incredible future!

Handle  current problems by focusing on the solutions and remaining positive. Stay calm and relaxed. Remember worry and negativity don’t help anything. Stay focused on your destination. Don’t get sidetracked. Keep your focus. You can and will make it happen!” Rex Sikes

Celebrate Today! It Is A Special Day! It is the only day of its kind you will ever have!

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You Are The Author Of Your Life – What Are You Writing?

what holds u back is who u think u are not

“For things to change you have to change. There is no way around it. It is up to you. You are the author of your life, the captain of your soul, the master of your fate whether you accept it or believe it or not. That is just the way it is.

The results you are getting are up to your mindset, your thoughts, feelings and actions. Your results and your life are they way they are because of you and not because of anyone or anything else. Right now you are getting exactly what you have decided to get. You protest, ‘hey I didn’t decide’. Well, no decision is a decision. SO if you want to get something else you have to become something else.

When you are willing to be totally responsible for everything in your life you get to get the good stuff! This means, however, you have to take responsibility for the glorious and the not so glorious. You are responsible for everything! Good and not good. That is just the way it is.

Sure, things happen from the outside but whether you react or respond is up to you. How you react or respond is yours too. The habits you have learned are controlling you. It is time for you to control your habits. Learn to develop good habits that serve you.

change your attitude and it will change your life

When you change your habits, you change who you are.  When you change who you believe you are, you will automatically change your habits. Change your thoughts and you change!

What we focus on expands. If you focus on being a victim you will be the victim. When you focus on being the victor you will be the victor. We become what we think about.

If you are not totally pleased with what you are experiencing then it is completely up to you to make it different and make it better. Don’t blame  anything or anyone.  Reclaim your power. If you want things to change be the change you want to become AND YOU WILL BE!

Since you are the captain of your soul navigate somewhere wonderful. Because you are the master of your fate fulfill your purpose and your destiny. As the author of your life write something beautiful. You can if you believe you can!” Rex Sikes”

Make today count! Make it marvelous!

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Happiness Is A Choice! What Are You Choosing?

you are entirely up to you

Yes, you can be happy 100% of the time when you choose to be happy. It is a decision. It is a choice. You can chose not to be happy at any given moment. Everything is up to you. You are the decision maker.

Most people think it is up to others or to circumstances or the world or to God. People give their power and their choice away. Every single moment of every single day you have the choice how to respond. Whether you use your power or not is completely up to you.

Most people only react because much of their lives are spent not realizing WHO has the choice. They think and behave from patterned, habitual ways. So even though they have choice it appears to them as if they do not. They don’t realize that they actually do so they don’t act as if they do. Perception is everything! If you think you are powerless you are. If you believe you can make a difference you can!

Since they don’t act as a person with the power to choose they let other things, people, situations and events  determine how the moment will be. They let the outside determine how they feel inside.

In essence, they give their power away. Others or other things make the choices for them. Then they either accept it willingly or unwillingly. They feel at the mercy of ‘the universe’ or ‘luck’ and they blame something or someone for what happens in their lives.

you can master anything w self control

This is how many people live but it need not be this way. We can get free. We can make changes. We can live powerfully and positively!

In order to ‘get free’  we need to begin to be able to challenge some closely held assumptions and chronic beliefs. We need to interrupt patterns and habits and begin to exercise our choice muscle. We need to begin to take 100% responsibility for ourselves and our lives.

We need to stop putting the power outside of ourselves. We have to stop blaming others and external circumstances and begin to act as the captain of our own life and steer our life where we want it to go. If you want to be happy more of the time you have to chose to be happy. We need to shift our focus from what is outside ourselves to what we do on the inside. We need to shift focus. It begins with our thoughts.

we cant direct the wind

Nothing external  to us actually makes us happy  but it does seem that way.  Nothing will make us feel confident, worthwhile or valued from the outside. We think if we have the right car, the right house, the right income, or if people say the right things to us we will be happy but happiness, feeling valued, worthwhile  and secure is a choice that comes 100% from within. It begins within each of us.

When you ‘get it’ that you can actually be happy and feel wonderful  ANYTIME and ANYPLACE  YOU choose, regardless of what the external circumstances or situations may be, is the moment when you begin to become free. It is at that moment life becomes the life of your making and your design. Sure, things happen to us but the response is ours alone.

Never blame yourself for unwanted responses or for reacting in certain ways because that is resistance and what you resist you give strength to. As you begin to live a new way the old way attempts to pull you back. That is because of the habits and patterns you akready have. It is okay they served you. They have been a resource at times and at other times a limitation. So don’t fight them. You will move forward faster if you accept them and appreciate them while practicing behaving in the new ways.

two options any moment step forward or

Ultimately, as you practice new ways the new habits will take hold. Be patient and love yourself through it all. In my last post I pointed out that while learning a new route to your new home or job you may occasionally find yourself traveling to the old place of work or residence. That happens.  Its okay!

Ultimately you travel only the new route UNLESS you decide to go back and travel the old at some time. Now you have the new route becoming wired in and you can choose to travel the old route. You have a choice. In the same way the new thoughts, feelings and behaviors take hold and replace the old ones. You will develop your positive habits to replace the old ones.

When you don’t think or behave as you hope to. Simply recognize that you did not think, feel or behave as you have liked.  Note it, forgive yourself, (make amends with others if you have hurt them, do the right thing) accept yourself, and accept that you are learning to do new things that are not perfected yet. Everyone makes mistakes, that is okay it is all part of living. Move on.

When you first begin practicing ‘having choice’ you will encounter moments when you become aware that a decision can be made instead of only reacting.  Some of these moments you will blow right past. Again, that is okay! Recognize these as moments you want to respond differently to in the future. Awareness is one of the first steps in the process.

what you think about you bring about

There will be another opportunity to chose again in the near future. Meanwhile, utilize mental rehearsal. Imagine making the new choices. Think and see yourself behaving as you want to in the future. Visualize your successes. See yourself making the choices and responding the way you want to. Visualize repeatedly! You want to send strong, clear, precise messages to your unconscious mind that in these  moments these are the behaviors you want.

Imagine already having the new choices and behaviors and watch yourself choose the new ways. If it feels good you are on the right track. If something feels amiss make positive adjustments until you do feel good as you imagine the new future you. Rehearse your successes.

Athletes, actors, musicians, and others all understand the value of mental and physical rehearsal or practice to wire in the skills and behaviors you want to encourage, SO practice. You will get better as you do. Practice making choices! Practice being in charge! Practice living as a victor and being the captain of your own life!” Rex Sikes

Delight another and you delight yourself!

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How To Stop Unwanted Habits That Prevent Your Success

whatever we plant in our subconscious

Everything we do we do as a result of habits and patterns. Brain scientists tell us that most everything we think and do today we did the day before and the days before that. Situations may come and go, the world changes, but for the most part we react the same way or similarly most, if not, all of the time. We are already on automatic and have limited choices.

Your acceptance or reluctance to accept this notion is based on your habitual thinking. What you believe about yourself, others and the world are patterns of thought you most likely have maintained for a very long time and you may not even be sure how you came to think this way. It is estimated we think at least 60,000 thoughts a day and upwards of 60% of those are the same thoughts we thought the day before. We are habitual and routine.

This is a great thing! It is also an area of difficulty for some of us. If our habits developed and we feel wonderful and productive and filled with well-being then they serve us. If on the other hand we feel down, bored, sad, mad or unable to get ahead they seem to work against us.

The definition of insanity, you may recall, is doing the same thing over and over again expecting a different result. We can’t continue doing the same things habitually while hoping the end result will be different. That is insane. The good news is we can develop new habits that serve us and that work automatically and reliably to help bring us the good results we desire. We can definitely learn to acquire these new beneficial habits. Keep this in mind: We can acquire new habits!

It is simple!  It is easy enough! It does require some effort.  You do have to engage the new process and do it as often and  for as long as it takes to wire it in. Not everyone is willing to do this but if you want to you can develop reliable positive new ones.

Repetition is what builds the muscle in exercise and it is the mechanism by which we do most everything. If you moved to a new house or got a new job do you recall that sometimes you may have discovered yourself taking the old route to the old home or place of work? You did that because it was a habit.

you will see it when you believe it

You knew you were going to the new place but somewhere you realized you had headed back to the old place. In time, by repeatedly traveling the new route to the new home or work you got used to it. After awhile the new route became second nature and you no longer went the old way. It became wired in. It became the new habit. You now went to the new place automatically!

You didn’t have to effort a whole lot you just had to take the new route. Whenever you discovered yourself going the old way you made adjustments and went the new way. It wasn’t that difficult and soon enough the new way replaced the old way.

The same thing happens as we develop positive habits in our thinking, our feeling and our behaviors. There is a tendency and a pull to do things the old way but in time and through repetitive practice you get the hang of the new way. The key is sticking with it long enough for the new way to take hold. If you give up and quit the new possibilities will never take hold.

Much depends on your commitment and enthusiasm and  the reasons why you want to develop new ways of thinking, being and behaving. Your motivation determines how much and how far you will go. The good news is that while the beginning may be slow and take a little time after awhile you do develop a momentum. You will begin to experience the good results you desire. The new results replace the old ways and work automatically. Great news don’t you think?

Consider this. You plant a seed and give it time to grow by waiting patiently. When the seed breaks ground as a young plant you nurture it along. You give it what it needs to mature.  You do the same thing to develop new habits of thought, feeling and behavior. Give your new thoughts, feelings and behaviors the time and opportunity to develop as habits and they will. Your new better, positive, productive habits will take hold and grow strong. This is just the way it works!

We will discuss this more in depth. I suggest you also go back through the blog and re-read posts again and again. That repetition is important! Just as you feed yourself food on a daily basis for the body you should feed yourself positive, inspirational, motivational food for the heart, soul and the mind. Use this blog, inspirational books and audios too. Your car is a great place to listen. Fill your being up!

habits formed by acts and broken by contrary acts

Fill yourself with the best thoughts and feelings. Even a little bit each day is better than none. Make this part of your daily regime and it will become a habit. The more you do the more you can do. Skill comes from doing. Repeat the good things you want more of and you will get them!

You can develop positive powerful habits that serve you and move you forward towards everything you want in life and you can absolutely break and replace old habits that hold you back. You just have to decide that you are going to! Then do what it takes. Inch your way there if you want to but do something each day in your own best interests and before long you will see good results.

If you really want to do something you will find a way. If you don’t want to do something you will find the excuses. Every day can be a glorious wonderful day regardless of what comes along to try to spoil it. You can learn how to respond instead of react automatically. Soon the ability to freely respond becomes a habit to replace the old one.

Anything is possible when you allow for it and do whatever it takes to make it happen.  Learn to live and enjoy life in dynamic new ways. The world is here for you to enjoy and delight in!” Rex Sikes

Rejoice and be glad in this day!

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