Category Archives: Forgiveness

No Failure Only Feedback!

your best teacher your last mistake

Have you ever been faced with a particularly rough challenge? Have you tried some things that didn’t work out back when  you tried them? Have you felt defeated in your past? When things got difficult what did you do?

It is important to understand that everyone faces trials and tribulations. That may not be much of a consolation but it is true. Tough times come and tough times go. When you encounter tough times you might be better served if you remember thoughts like ‘diamonds are created by massive pressure’, or ‘through chaos stars are born’.

Mind set is an important component of successfully navigating difficulty. Mindset is your attitude, beliefs and perceptions. What you think and feels determines MUCH of the outcome. The more you are positive the more you are powerful and able.

Every successful person has had difficulty. Some face seemingly insurmountable odds. For some true disaster preceded their success. That just seems to be the way things go. Perhaps, that is why common wisdom has stated, ‘It is always darkest before the dawn’.

the one who falls and gets up

When faced with challenge it is important to be flexible and adjust the plan (if you want) but do not give up on the goal if it is important to you. Maybe this is why it is said, ‘If at first you don’t succeed try, try again.’ ‘Those who win finish the race’. ‘Winners never quit and Quitters never win.’

Once you have have made mistakes it is important to examine them. Do not blame or judge yourself in any way.  You did the best you could with the information or tools you had at the time. Accept whatever  you did, what happened, whatever outcome you got and stay open. Examine the mistake for the learning opportunity contained in it. Look for the hidden wisdom. Discover new resources!

If you did something wrong, forgive yourself. If you hurt someone else seek forgiveness. Make amends. Don’t repeat the mistake is an important component in gaining resolve. Have integrity and take responsibility! Be trustworthy!

Don’t lose the lesson just because things didn’t work out as you hoped. Find it! Keep moving. Keep the faith! Do not give up because it has not yet worked out. Failure is feedback for what you need to now to make it work. Feedback is important for us all to evolve and grow positively. Feedback is what allows you to course correct.

im a product of my decisions

Don’t let the wind come out of your sails. Gather your resources and go at it again with the new information and a renewed spirit. This process is more important that actually succeeding right from the gate. Too early or too easy success spoils a person. They only learn one way.

One method at some point is bound to fail. It is best to have numerous ways to succeed. We should seek is lots of feedback, correction and resourcefulness. Feedback gives up alternative avenues to be more successful.  Appreciate feedback at every opportunity. Be grateful for errors and for the learning. When you can truly appreciate all that happens then you are really learning and moving forward positively!” Rex Sikes

Discover the delight in this day!

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The Three ‘R’s To Happiness And Success

most adaptable to change

“Remember there are three ‘R’s that are important to adhere to. When you follow these fully you will find life much better. Most people drop the ball on one or more of the three but all three work together. So don’t skimp out. Keep these in mind and put these into practice.

The first is Respect Yourself. Acknowledge, Appreciate, Love, Forgive and Accept yourself. Value yourself. Let go of past mistakes as you extract the learning from them. Don’t hang on to the past move forward. Monitor your thoughts and feeling and keep them positive.

Your self talk is important! Think and speak lovingly and kindly to yourself.  Fill your mind with positivity. Make positive mental images See yourself they way you want to be and imagine already being that way. Imagine what that is like. Feel good about yourself.  Use daily positive affirmations and Directed Questions.

The-Moment-You-Take-Responsibility-350x206

Have enough respect for yourself to enjoy yourself and your life! Fill your moments with gratitude and appreciation for yourself, however imperfect (because we all are) and everyone and everything!

The second is Respect Others. Think and speak highly of others too AT all times. Acknowledge, Appreciate and Accept others. Forgive them and love them.

When you speak of yourself in your own mind and out loud, and when you speak of others only speak words that Bless, Heal and Help Prosper. Look for the best in you and the best in them. Train your mind to see the good in everyone and everything. The Golden Rule applies. Go first by treating others the way you prefer to be treated. If you respect yourself you will respect them!

correct your mind the rest will fall into place

The Third is Take Responsibility for all your actions. Take 100% responsibility everything. Don’t blame, don’t accuse, don’t make excuses for yourself. When you make yourself responsible you put yourself in the driver’s seat of your own life. You put yourself in charge. You make the decisions. If something happens or not it is up to you. That is the way it is anyway.

The masses blame circumstances and events and people for why things are the way they are. That is the great deception. Those who make things happen know it is completely up to them.

you are a living magnet

For example, millionaires are made in good and bad economies. Those who blame economic situations rarely prevail. Those who do whatever they are determined to do, will. So don’t put your responsibility outside of yourself.

Follow the Three ‘R’s and you will make much improvement in your life. When you apply these daily, when you make them an automatic habit you will delight and surprise yourself. BUT you will only know the awesome benefit when you put them into play. Do it and make your life much more grand!” Rex Sikes

Decide today to live with passion!

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Treat Yourself Well – Let It Go – Move On!

forgive yourself for not knowing

“Times can be tough. Disappointments occur. Past and present. It is AS it is and it is WHAT it is. Sometimes there is a tendency for people to get down on themselves. You shouldn’t. Whatever happened WHEN it happened you did the best you could with the tools and knowledge that you had at THAT time. The decisions you made, the actions you took, the feelings you felt, the thoughts you thought all were what you had AVAILABLE to you at that time.

Regardless of the outcome recognize that none of us are perfect. None! We act from who we are at the moment. We may have done things we didn’t like.  We may have hurt others. If we can repair the damage or if an apology and a promise to never repeat is in order then that is the responsible thing to do. Do it!

Make it a point to walk well on this earth and not hurt people. That includes yourself. Give others a break AND give yourself a break. Ease up and take the pressure off. Relax.

what u put out u get back

Realize the opportunity you have is to LEARN from the incident, to learn from the mistakes, to learn from the past and then move on. Leave what is unimportant behind and move forward with new positive awareness. Drop the crap and keep the gold! So few people do this. They carry crap with them wherever they go. Drop it!

You may have been pressuring yourself.  If so, the possibility exists that you also pressure others. Maybe not, but it is a possibility. SO be gentle with yourself. Treat yourself kindly. Accept that you are human and learning as you go along. Even today you are doing the best you can with the tools, the insights, the beliefs you have and hold.

Every moment is a moment for the possibility of higher awareness, of joy of love of peace and blessings. Each second is available for us to enjoy. Each second is an opportunity to explore and discover. Mistakes are the way we get feedback and learn to self correct. Everything is an opportunity when you expect it to be one!

acting according to own consciousness

So treat yourself well. If you did wrong don’t make excuses make amends.  Forgive yourself. Love yourself. Accept yourself as someone capable of making mistakes. Learn from your mistakes. Accept them as part of learning and growing. Be tolerant, patient of yourself. Respect yourself. Embrace and celebrate yourself. Nurture yourself. Be a friend to yourself! Appreciate your self and all the learning you are discovering through each of life’s experiences.

When you are able to love yourself you can also love others. Treat them as you would want to be treated. That is the Golden Rule. The Golden Rule has implied in it that YOU do it FIRST. You don’t wait to receive it you give it freely first. This you can do. Give love to yourself and give love to others first. You’ll surprise yourself with how awesome life can be.” Rex Sikes

In how many different ways can you delight in today?

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Mistakes Are Part Of Learning

your past mistakes guide u not define u

Let go of the past.

Learn from it and let it go. The key is to actually learn from the past mistakes and not repeat them. It is important to not hold on to memories that hold you back. Move forward.  Fill your self with gratitude.

Celebrate everything because when you do you become free.

Have a great day!

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How can I start believing in myself? It seems virtually impossible.

you can become anyone you want to be

“I was asked a great question, ‘How can I start believing in myself? It seems virtually impossible.’ I answered it and felt I would publish it as well. Here is my reply:

That is a great question and part of what this blog site is about. You start small, like eating a meal, take it bite by bite or bit by bit. You fill your mind with positive and inspirational material daily through reading, through listening to audios. You do it just as you would an exercise program, a little exercise everyday builds endurance and stamina and strength. You stick with it.

You focus on what you can are are already grateful for and celebrate these. Look into what things you can do, you have done that bring you feelings of well being, confidence or joy and remember these often too. You get together with positive people and focus together on what you can accomplish that makes you feel better and you work on it and make things happen. You find affirmations and repeat them a lot through out the day with energy and enthusiasm.

You direct your mind using questions to pay attention to those things that help you think and feel better about yourself. You decide to believe in yourself no matter what. You begin with any of these methods and you add to them. You stick with it and you never give up and you never ever quit. The more we do the more we are able to do.

When you decide you will take charge of your mind, your thoughts, your feelings and your actions then be in charge, take control and stay with it until you get where you want to go. If you stumble and fall get up and keep going. We all stumble. The only person to fail is the one who does not get back up.

thoughts cycle to thoughts

Mistakes are part of learning. Falling is part of moving. Getting tackled is part of football game but players don’t quit they keep on moving the ball forward. Do things that are easy enough but challenging enough. Little by little your thoughts take hold, your feeling change your new attitude can take hold.

Fill yourself up with the inspiring material, go to events that are designed to help you feel good and more motivated. If you feel less than glorious, and we all do, once you become aware of it, don’t wallow, but take small steps to alter it toward feeling better. Keep on keeping on.

There is no substitute for action and effort. You will get far more from the effort than you put into it and you have to keep going for the pay off. Results won’t necessarily happen when you think they should but they will happen as you keep with making yourself feel better. Whenever you feel wonderful, enjoy it and be grateful. Whenever you accomplish something that makes you feel proud acknowledge it and pat yourself on the back.

Whenever you do something less than glorious or you feel bad, when you notice it, don’t criticize yourself, instead, pat yourself for noticing what you did and nudge yourself forward. Praise yourself for recognizing what wasn’t working and encourage yourself to move in the direction you want to. Treat yourself as a toddle, encourage yourself in doing the things you want to think, feel and do.

Relax, give yourself time, encouragement and have fun. Play with feeling good and thinking good. Kids learn more in play frankly, than they do forced to sit in their desks. Move, exercise, walk, enjoy! You do any number of these routinely you will notice changes eventually along the way. As you do keep it up. Enjoy it, celebrate and nurture.

Accept that you are human and have all sorts of facets. Remember there are cycles, contrasts, night and day, hot and cold, long and short and as humans we have moments of wonder, enjoyment and delight and moments when we feel less than wonderful. That is part of life. Become fascinated and curious about you might want to do and enjoy and learn. Children chase butterflies and giggle and are thrilled to discover new things.

you can master anything w self control

Train your mind to find the good in any situation by continually asking ‘what is good and new?’ Repetition builds habit so keep do and doing often. You don’t build a muscle do a bicep curl every now and then. You do sets and reps daily. You repeat and repeat and repeat. Through repetition and over time you will get what you set out to get. Whatever you decided to do, to accomplish you will accomplish so be sure to celebrate your accomplishments.

Let go, have fun and enjoy the process. Begin today doing things that help you think and feel better and repeat these. Add to them as you go along. So pick a great book like, ‘The Magic Of Believing’, ‘Think and Grow Rich’, ‘The Magic Of Thinking Big’, ‘Man’s Search For Meaning’, ‘Ask and It Shall Be Given’. Any one of these books, all of them is worth reading and then reading again and again. Re-read this blog over and over again.

Go back through it numerous times because you discover things you miss each time you re-visit the materiaL. Start small, add to what you are able to do and don’t rush or push it. Inch by inch, step by step you get closer and closer to what it is you want. As long as you are inching forward you are making progress toward your goal. Even if you get off track you can adjust back on course and keep moving along. If you stop, you’ve stopped.’

I add here – DO THESE THINGS – Remember you become what you think about. Energy flows where attention goes. Attention goes where energy flow because it is a two way street. What you focus on expands. You are today where your thoughts brought you. You will be tomorrow where your thoughts take you. Skill comes of doing. If you really want to do something you will find a way; if you don’t you will find an excuse.” Rex Sikes

Days are made up of moments. Focus on the moments you can find to delight in!

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You Always Have The Power To Control Your Life

we cant direct the wind

A good book to read is ‘Man’s Search For Meaning’ by Victor Frankl. Mr Frankl survived the horrible conditions of a Nazi concentration camp and yet, he said, no one can ever take away a person’s ability to choose how to feel. He points out what a few already know. YOU always have the power to control your feelings.

You have the power to be in charge and live life victoriously and not to live as a victim. All of us do. Some live this way some others may not.

He states, and he should know, that, ‘Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms—to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.’

He also stated, ‘I do not forget any good deed done to me and I do not carry a grudge for a bad one.’ For this man to say this is an incredible testament to the ability to forgive and let go. I previously posted about the power of forgiveness citing someone else as an example. I think this is wonderful. He includes remembering kindnesses.

He says it again a little differently, but he states these from his life experience. ‘Forces beyond your control can take away everything you possess except one thing, your freedom to choose how you will respond to the situation.’

It may be that because of all that he went through he was able to discover his ability to control his thoughts and emotions as he did. The horrible challenge provided him the opportunity to recognize who actually was in charge. Even though circumstances were beyond his control he discovered what he did control and it saved him.

I think for us to do any less with our daily challenges is to not live as we can and as we should. We have such incredible power within! We only need to tap into our own strengths and live with purpose and in charge. We can do this. Difficulty or not we can find our ability to choose.

The final quote I’ll include is, ‘Between stimulus and response, there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.’

we are our choices

I include share these quotes because this was a man who had everything taken away and he survived. He went on to not be a ‘survivor’ but one who thrived. He went on to share his findings with others and to attempt to help others come into their own power.

The reason he could thrive and forgive and love and move forward was because he took 100% responsibility for his response, his reactions, his thoughts, feelings, and actions, not only during the most trying of circumstances but, for his entire life. He understood holding a grudge only hurt him not the object of the grudge. He became aware of a life changing way to live.

He didn’t shift the blame to those outside himself, he placed responsibility squarely on his own shoulders. He spent the rest of his life pointing out that it was this which could made an incredible difference for all humans.

Certainly, it would have been easy to blame his captors, the circumstances, God anyone and everything, but he chose not to. He chose to focus on what he could control. He understood where the true power resides.

Many of us would not blame him or anyone else who is incarcerated and tortured if they complained and hated or threw in the towel. Most of us would accept that is allowed. I don’t post any of this to make any judgements against people going through any difficulty at all. Everyone should still be held in the highest esteem and allowed to be whomever they are without criticism. We should accept all possibilities for how people respond.

u r responsible

Still, Frankl became aware of something greater in him and that was that he was ‘the chooser’. He was the one who decided. He was the one in control and the one with the power and though anything and everything else could be stripped from him no one could take that power from him. That realization alone IS POWER!

Most of us never know the circumstances of a Frankl. Yet, some do suffer immensely. If Victor Frankl and others can come to this conclusion and alter their lives toward the positive we can too.

If we begin to accept our own powers of choice and responsibility then we are able to, as Victor Frankl and others are able to, live our lives more as victors and less as victims, complainers and haters.

There is incredible power and freedom in learning to take 100% responsibility for everything that happens in our experience. I cannot say that I know what this means fully because I have never been tried as he and others have been.

I do know when I take responsibility for EVERYTHING good and not so good in my life, when I face it and not attempt to pass it off onto anyone or anything else something wonderful happens. Some positive changes occur and I find the power and the opportunities to accept it or make it different. Once I accept that it is ALL only in my hands it then is up to me what I do from that moment on. There is immense power and opportunity knowing that you can always choose.

Some people may  feel the need to disagree we me on this. They may think that some things just happen. ‘Bad things happen to good people’, they might say. They may not agree that anyone person is 100% responsible. That is okay.

u have within u whatever u need

What I say in response, is, it doesn’t matter who causes what,  if you ACT AS IF are in charge of your own response to it then you come from the place of a victor. When you assume you are 100% responsible for what and when and how and why and where you respond (even if that isn’t actually true) you are the master of your fate and the captain of your soul. You are in charge.

Even if, in actuality, it ultimately is not accurate that we are in charge of everything, we still would live with so much more incredible power and forcefulness if we acted AS IF we did. It is a mental framework to adopt.

I think Mr. Frankl was onto something and that perception is everything. We see what we believe and what we want to see. We accept our situation either as hopeless and unable to do anything about it or we accept that there is ONE single thing we can control even if we can’t control all else.

We can control our thoughts, our response, our attitude. That right there is incredible power.

happiness depends on quality of your thoughts

What else is the alternative to taking responsibility? That we live as a victim, drifting, without any power or control. That certainly is not how I choose to want to live.

Every single day you and only you can make the decision to be happy. You can decide to have a great day no matter what. Regardless of whatever circumstances arise YOU can CHOOSE how to respond.

You have the power to control your thoughts and determine how things will be. Even when the outer circumstances may remain difficult you can choose how you will go through them. IT is always your choice what you attend to and focus on. WHAT you attend to and focus on determines what your experience is. Life is truly exciting and wonderful!

Enjoy this brief Ted Video of the historic Frankl delivering a talk. It runs about 4 minutes.

Victor Frankl talks on Man’s Search For Meaning

LIve fully today!

 

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How To Get Unstuck And Move Ahead Successfully

growth is

‘Standing is harder than moving’, it is true. Try standing in one spot for an hour, or even less time and you will find it difficult. Walking for the same amount of time not so tough (for most of us). Standing is harder than moving is a great way of saying it is difficult to be stuck. Stuck conveys the notion of no movement.

One can be stuck mentally or physically. When your car is stuck in the mud you aren’t going anywhere. When you car is stuck what are you trying to get it to do? Move, right. Yes, the wheels may be spinning, there is some movement, but not the kind that results in the car moving from stuck in the mud.

The movement has to have some friction in order to get the car going. It has to make contact in the right way for it to be meaningful. Random extraneous movement like spinning your wheels doesn’t get the car anywhere unless you can actually some how move the car itself, or change the position, or the environment so that contact can be made. Once made you may actually get the car out of the mud.

My point is that sometimes we get stuck and that is difficult. We aren’t going anywhere just as the car doesn’t. We may be spinning our wheels meaning we make no significant forward progress because our efforts are not effective. We keep doing the same thing over and over, as the spinning wheel does, but nothing changes. If we expect it all to change that is the definition of insanity. Doing the same thing over and over again but expecting different results.

Being stuck is difficult just as standing is harder than moving. When we walk we are moving all of our muscles together so we don’t feel the effect of gravity on us nearly as much as when we remain in one position, in one place. So these analogies remind us of at least one or two meaningful thoughts we might be able to apply to our own life and circumstance.

When the car is stuck you try to create forward OR backward movement. Any movement that will get it going and get it unstuck. Assuming all things equal it wouldn’t matter if you back out or pull forward you just know you need to move in a direction to get out of there.

be master of your fate not slave of your problems

You also know how you mentally feel when your car is stuck. You have things to do and places to be and now you have to stop and deal with this. It is annoying, at the very least, most probably. The mind goes to the problem, perhaps to how late one will be or whatever other less than glorious thoughts arise. Frankly, it sucks.

SO when stuck lot’s of less than productive things occur. There is no movement, it is difficult to remain in one place. We may spin our wheels and think less than productive thoughts all the while trying to get unstuck. We work ourselves up, get frustrated or angry, fear the worst, being late or missing out (whatever it may be) and none of these things help us to get unstuck. In fact, they don’t help at all. In fact, they may inhibit any success because they create more stress physically, mentally and emotionally. Stress in not too useful when you want to find solutions and solve problems.

So what to do?

What one MIGHT do is Stop for a second. TAKE a deep breath. Let it out slowly. Take another or as many as you need to to calm down and relax a bit. You aren’t going anywhere so there is nothing to do in the moment but relax. Let out a sigh… and chill for a moment.

Once you do this it IS as if, using another car analogy, you put yourself into neutral. When you drive using a manual or stick transmission you pass through neutral to changes gears or direction. SO put yourself into neutral for a moment so you can better decide where to mentally move next. You need a moment to get away from the energy drain or the stress that is the immediate problem. For most people being clear headed works better to make changes and find solutions that being angry and uptight. The brain just works better when given the opportunity to find solutions instead of focusing over and over on what is wrong.

I mean really, when you do focus on what is wrong it expands in your mind, doesn’t it? It may become way more important than it actually is? You may really become hot and bothered in a negative way. This is not where most people would choose to be or want to feel. To be different in that moment we need to learn to do things differently.

If we keep doing what we always did expecting things to somehow be different well, that IS insane. Remember?

all that we are arises with our thoughts

SO take a short break, put yourself in neutral. Sigh, let go, take a bit of a walk. Remember walking is easier than standing still. When all your parts are moving your brain works better too. Many people pace or walk when on the phone for example. Whenever you have a problem it is easier to find solutions when you walk. IT REALLY IS!

For people in therapy, it would be much more effective if the counselor and the client, or therapist and patient walked during the session than if they sit in the chairs. When we sit, we get stuck, entrenched, we maintain a position (literally and figuratively) and it is as if we freeze everything. PLUS, we associate problems to the chair we are seated in. Every week the client comes in and sits down to pour out their problems. The chair, the feeling of being in the same chair, what they see always sitting in the same chair, the same way, looking at the same things while thinking of what is wrong makes it easier to find what is wrong, the problem, and it is much tougher to find solutions or what is right. Minds travel in directions.

Once they pour out their problems the two should get up and walk to find solutions. Move from stuck to neutral and walk. Don’t just sit in the same place, facing in the same direction. It is harder to come up with new possibilities after focusing on problems for many minutes. SO change what you are doing. This applies to sitting over a conference table or arguing over the dinner table. We become anchored to a way of thinking, being and acting, we literally ‘take a position’ and defend it. When you want to discuss possibilities take a walk.

Think about people fighting. Boxers square off and face each other. From this position they fight. They couldn’t fight much standing side by side facing in the same direction, like when you walk together. When you both walk along side by side you explore things together, you discover things nearly simultaneously. You are walking along and seeing the same things, moving at the same pace, you are more in harmony figuratively and literally. It is easier to come to an agreement or find a mutually acceptable solution, or the client or patient to find possibilities when moving, when not entrenched, stuck sitting or defending a position. Really, I mean try it for yourself! It can work wonders!

Get up, get moving, get breathing, get thinking in new ways. The energy shifts just in doing these things.

If someone is ranting and raging getting them to stop and sit down is difficult because all the energy is moving rapidly and strongly. They literally may have to walk it off and slow down. They must change their breathing gradually to deescalate. They need to shift their body eventually into neutral. Really think about it. Watch someone get over being angry, watch the ‘unwind’, the release, the eventual ‘let go’ and the breathing changes.

Sometimes you may need to cool down. You are best served if you understand how to do it in advance of when you need it. That is successfully utilizing your resources. Remember the motto, ‘always prepared’. When you know what to do before you need it you are better able to navigate any circumstance.

inch toward your goals

A trick paramedics know is that when someone has a sudden change of circumstances (for example an accident but they aren’t injured) the body may pump adrenaline – it actually will. Adrenaline provides us energy for our fight or flight. In the olden jungle days, when we hunted and gathered we probably had more encounters or reasons for our body to flood us with adrenaline. Today, in our cubicle world of artificial lights and computers we have less physical threats or events that require sudden adrenaline release. Still, a perceived threat, an imagined threat results in adrenaline being pumped.

Okay, I digress, back to the paramedic point. When someone is flooding with adrenaline the paramedic knows not to have them sit down or lie down but tells them to walk it off in a safe place. They may move them out of traffic into a safe area and walk with them. The body needs time to release and process the adrenaline and eventualyl return to normal. Sitting or lying down first is not the correct thing to do. Walk it off until you CAN sit or lie down.

If on the other hand you are bored or depressed you need to energize and move. You need to change how you use your body, how you breath. You need to change your view literally. You need variety in what you see when you look around. SO move, walk and walk with energy, look around and listen. It is time to get out of your head and experience the outer world again. It is time to get the body pumping some chemicals and hormones that make you feel better (like endorphins).

This applies to the raging person as well. You need to change your internal mental view AND YOUR outside view in order to relax, calm down and become more resourceful again.

When you create movement in your body you create movement in your mind and vice versa. For you to feel significant change the movement needs to be meaningful, it has to move you in the direction you want to go in. You need to connect just as the tire needs to connect with some surface in order to free the car from the mud. You need to move from neutral into the appropriate gear. Remember, neutral is a great place. It is useful and a good place to move through if you are bored and depressed. Whatever you feel strongly you are invested in. You are locked into it.

Neutral allows you to be elsewhere at the moment. It is far better to be in neutral than to be depressed. While it may sound similar neutral is a place of non-judgement. It is not lack of energy, it has it’s own energy that is different from whatever other things you may experience. Neutral is more akin to the notion of feeling or being centered, It is a place of acceptance and of allowing. Neutral is not a place of judgement or blame. It is a sense of let go and calm. It is a place from which one can move in any direction.

SO learn to find neutral for yourself. From neutral you can move in more productive directions. If you are stuck there is one thing you certainly need to do and you know what it is. You need to move. If you are stuck you need to do something else differently than what you are doing. For your life to change you have to change things in your life. To get different results from the ones you do not want you will have to do things in another way. You will need to adopt a different and more useful point of view.

I think the notion of ‘outlook’ is fascinating. People say, ‘what is your outlook?’ I think the term outlook is meaningful. It means to look out from behind your eyes. What do you see when you look out at the world? It is your out look.

Our attitude and our beliefs makes a big difference in what we see and what we are able to see. Our outlook on the world or our future, our forecast is determined by what we consider and think on the inside. We either think of the world as a wonderful place and enjoyable place or a horrible bad place to use extreme examples. Guess what. Whatever we think first determines what we pay attention to in order to validate our mindset. We attempt to make the outer world conform to our thoughts and expectations of it. What we think it is IS what it is even if we are wrong. Our senses often deceive us. Still we trust them for the most part.

overcoming self limiting beleifs

Our mental filters can shade or color what we think and do, what we expect and make happen in the world or don’t. Our perceptions determine our reality more than reality itself. Actually, we are not really sure of what reality is only our version of it. Most of us will fight tooth and nail to defend what we think our truth is. We will fight because we think what we think is real.  It isn’t but that does little to change us.

I decided a long time ago if this were the case and if I make up reality then it was time I make up a good one. I wanted a reality that serves me and suits me. Why live in a cruddy one when I can live in a glorious one? And this brings us back to our thoughts. Thoughts create, thoughts precede. Thoughts make a difference. So choose to think the very best thoughts and to find the very best thoughts and you will. When you think positive your world can be more positive.

Instead of being stuck and thinking thoughts that keep us there, shift into neutral. Take a physical and mental momentary break and from there choose what direction you will move in. Make contact and set a positive direction. Think positively. And keep thinking positive! Keep moving in the positive direction and you will find that moving is easier than standing. You will discover it getting easier and easier along the way because everything works together. Keep moving meaningfully.

The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step but to get to the destination you have to take the next step and then each step after that. Keep going. Correct repetition builds powerful positive habits.  Get yourself unstuck whenever it occurs and move on forward into a more wonderful way of being.” Rex Sikes

Have a great one today!

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Celebrate and Delight! How To Transform Your Life

align with greatest purpose

“Celebrate everything. Enjoy have fun. Find delight!  Look for the good in everything and everyone!

‘Don’t sweat the small stuff’. Acknowledge disappointment and let it go. Look for solutions. Keep moving forward. Train your mind to find the best.

If you did nothing more than this at each opportunity your life would be more amazing!

When the  balance of each of your days is spent in gratitude and ‘can do’ positive thinking and feeling, you experience more well-being in every aspect of your life.

It is easy. It is all about awareness and choice.

You have a choice. You can either do it or not.

Only you will discover the benefit when you maintain a positive frame of mind.” Rex Sikes

Enjoy making your day magical!

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12 Great Ways To Make Your Dreams Come True

rise up the world is waiting for you

“I think of it this way. You never know what you can accomplish until you actually begin working at it. So go as far as you can in your thinking, do as much as you are able, never let a thought stop you, go beyond where you are, because when you do you will discover that you can think and see and do more than you first thought. You can surprise yourself.

I think it is important to revisit concepts. (some of these I have mentioned in previous blog posts). We must fill our minds and hearts with all the good things we want more of. Repetition leads us to developing skills, abilities and talents whether it is playing golf, swimming, learning a musical instrument or positive thinking. It is necessary to practice again and again what you want to master even when it is frustrating or incredibly challenging. By overcoming difficulties we teach ourselves that nothing stands in our way if we will only keep going.

It is easy and it is hard. There is a saying: ‘When the going gets tough the tough get going’ which is very applicable to mastery in any area of our lives. There are many things that side track us. Our present circumstances may be difficult or life may be crumbling around us and instead of paying attention to what we want to have we pay attention to what we don’t want or don’t have.  We get caught up or distracted with other things enjoyable or not. We get busy. We forget. We lose sight of what is important.

Through it all we CAN move steadily ahead if we only REMEMBER to keep moving, even if it’s just a little bit.

It is important, daily, to have a diet of positive mental gratitude and attitude to make it though each day. Revisit and re-read the thoughts and concepts I’ve shared in this blog. Read books, watch inspirational shows and DVD, listen to inspirational audio. Fill your mind and heart with the best. Surround yourself with positive people, form a Mastermind Group to move forward. (We’ll talk more on this another time). Make your lists of people, situations and things you are grateful for each day. Do this so that you can realize that you deserve the best that life has to offer. Be good to yourself. AND remember this applies to others too be good to them, they deserve the best as well.

your frustrated waiting for flowers u haven't planted

Keep in mind and dynamically read or repeat your Definite Chief Purpose night and day. Know what you want and by when. Write it down and review it at least twice a day, morning and night. Visualize yourself having already accomplishing your Definite Chief Purpose. See yourself as already having what it is you want. Know that THIS is your destiny.

Energetically repeat your affirmations and your Directed Questions during the day, repeatedly. The more energetically you say (or shout) these the faster they work. Energy begets energy. It is not mindless repeating but active engagement. It is our emotions that operate the mechanism. When we are incredibly alive or terribly angry we are most powerful. We have all that energy impacting our unconscious. Our feelings are what we use to get our unconscious (servo-mechanism) to work for us.

Keep doing it and believe it. You will – once you make it a habit.

Find ways to add delight to yourself and others. Put a smile on someone else’s face. Help them out. You help yourself AND you help yourself get what you want when you help others get what they want. We are interconnected and networked. Help people and they will help you too.

Gift and surprise yourself today. Take time and be generous and treat yourself well. Little things count! After all, after today, it will not be here any longer, it will only be a memory. Use the days you have to make them what you want them to be. Create more positive memories to enjoy.

Walk, move, skip, dance, do a little physical activity every day that makes you feel great. Shake it up!

Fill your mind and heart and being with positive energy and you will transform yourself in amazing ways.

While I was learning (and believe me I still am) I read and I thought about what I was learning and attempted to put it all into practice.

I have mentioned numerous times that ‘we become what we think about.’ I thought, ‘wow cool, I now have a way to gage what I am thinking through out the day. I can think these thoughts and I will become this way, I will attract this.’ It made a huge difference for me when I embraced this concept. I thought – ‘WOW I can become this’. It was awesome! I filled my mind with positive powerful thoughts and kept my mind on these as much as possible every single moment.

Then I had an epiphany.

change will lead to insight more often tha insight leading to change

I realized (and I still do this over and over again) that I am now what I have already thought about. My present IS a result of my past thinking. My life NOW is a direct result of what I thought before. I had become what I thought about most of the time. It was not some far off nebulous concept, but an immediate here and now realization.

MY life and myself was a direct result of what I had been thinking in my life up to that moment. And even now up to this moment as I write this.

Whether this is true in actuality or not does not matter to me. If it were untrue so what? I discovered a concept, a principle, a practice that has allowed me to transform myself and my world for the better. Everything is in flux. All of this IS a process of becoming. It is always changing it is not static. Therefore, I am still in the process of transforming for the better, nothing is finished. It is becoming better and better along the way.

AT THAT moment, – back then, – when it dawned on me that I was creating the life I experienced all along by the thoughts I was thinking – in that moment – I decided to take responsibility for everything I have and for what I don’t have and all that happens to me.  Up to that moment life was something that happened to me.

I made a new decision. I began to view myself as the creator of myself and my world. (Overtime, I got to confront this decision time and time again and see how valuable and powerful it truly is). Again, I am not saying there may not be outside forces, obviously there are, but in order to gain control for myself, I decided the mental attitude I would adopt.

I began to realize that everything IS a result of my perceptions and my attitudes and that  I make myself happy or miserable regardless of what the outside forces bring. The notion ‘if it is to be it is up to me’ began to make more and more sense.

we reap what we sow choose carefully

Life became incredible. I began to live as I had never lived before. Things began to happen and opportunities became visible. It was awesome. At the same time, other things did not seem to change very much. Some things certainly seemed frozen as is.

I looked around me and realized there was still much I didn’t like and did not want. It confused me at first, wasn’t I doing everything right? Wasn’t I already feeling great and much more positive? Weren’t some things really much better? Yes, to all of those. Then, why did some things seem to be stuck?

I recognize that few of us transform suddenly, as in the stories of sudden enlightenment. My enlightenment was definitely coming as a series of insights coupled with challenges or opposition. Things seemed great and then not so great. I wondered at first, what was wrong. Then it hit me again!

If any of that was going to change then I was going to have to make it change by making some changes in and for myself. I had learned that whatever we resist persists so the more we fight against what we don’t want, the more we think about what we don’t want the more we get exactly what we don’t want. That is what I had been doing all my life and here I was doing it again. I encountered difficulty or things I didn’t like I fought them, I resented them. I may even have done them reluctantly or begrudgingly.

There were things in my life I just did not want to do. (there may always be) Things like cleaning, accounting, chores, dealing with difficult people, other drivers, etc. and it occurred to me that if I did these while resenting them or filling myself up with how much I disliked them I was creating more of the same bad energy.

I determined to focus on whatever good feelings or thoughts I could muster about these activities.  Sometimes I found it helped to focus on the end result. The task was done and I could relax or celebrate the fact that it was completed.

At this stage, it occurred to me that whatever better thought I could come up with to replace the negative one, even if it was not the most positive thought I could find, this new one was actually better for me and moved me toward what I ultimately wanted. I found a way to move forward.

I didn’t have to be a cheer leader oozing with positivity for doing these tasks. To start the process off all I had to do was to find thoughts that were slightly more positive than what I started with.

Incremental steps toward where you want to go is far superior to no movement whatsoever or wallowing where you are.

This was another big realization for me.

repetition of thought Napoleon Hill

I could navigate back to the positive (steer back to center) by choosing thoughts that were less negative or slightly more positive that the preceding ones. Yes, it meant I had to do some thinking and feeling, it meant I had to do some choosing instead of letting the thoughts and feelings run rampant over me. It meant I determined what I would think and feel, I would be in charge, I would take control instead of letting them control me as they had been doing all along.

Whew! It was a big realization and one I still continue to have to do. Although the process is much easier and more automated. The bottom line, as I write this. I AIN’T DONE yet, I am a work of art in progress. We all are. What happened for me was that now I began to realize it, recognize it and appreciate it.

I think much of life is learning how to get unhooked. We get captured, hooked by people, things, situations, our reactions all the time. Recognizing we bit the hook and getting off the hook is part of learning to be more aware. The more aware we become the more we notice many things. At first, we may notice our shortcomings, where we get stuck and how we get still get stuck again and again. This is blessing waiting to happen OR a curse. We can either celebrate getting hooked and unhooked or we can hate it and blame ourselves for not evolving fast enough. The latter is not a wise use of our time.

Be gentle and realize we will get caught up and that there are disappointments. How we handle at the time is what we do at the time. SO get over it, get over yourself and get on with positive things. Be gentle, accepting and loving of yourself and you will evolve much faster than criticizing yourself. This is a discovery we each make in our own time.

Moving on:

I am talking about two things here. One is the ability to maintain a positive focus.

Yes, choose powerful positive affirmations and potent questions to direct your mind in dynamic ways. Repeat them to yourself through out the day with energy and enthusiasm. Keep chanting them and holding them day and night in your mind until you actually believe them. See in your mind’s eye, visualize yourself as you want to be. Hold onto these images and enjoy them. Feel great about them. Stay positive, confident, powerful, enthusiastic and feeling marvelous!

BUT when you don’t feel fantastic, when you are faced with some unpleasantness, and to feel ecstatic is too large a leap for you – then you can incrementally nudge yourself in that direction by choosing better thoughts than the less than glorious ones you have. If you can’t get to powerfully positive right from the get go inch your way there.

repetition

Don’t stop being positive and wallow in self-pity, negativity or blame yourself, instead, find a way to think and feel a little bit better. Take a break, take a walk, do something! This is an area where using Directed Questions is extremely beneficial. (I have discussed this and other things you can do to alter your feelings positively in previous posts. I invite you to go back and reread).

When you do this you steer yourself back to center. You adjust where you are at mentally and physically in order to get back on track. You move step by step in a more positive direction. Even when you only move slightly in the direction of the more positive you are benefiting yourself. You are deciding on the direction you want to travel and this is a good thing!

Do you get that?

We create our experience. If our experience is to change we must first change ourselves. Once we change ourselves we can change our experience. The little things can make a big difference. So be flexible and appreciate it when you make large positive changes AND small positive changes.

The is other important aspect is choosing your destination. Where do you want to end up? What is your overall goal? What is your passion? What is you must have in life? What do you absolutely want?

This is THE larger question.

You can use all of the above approaches to make your life much more incredible at any time. It is useful and absolutely worth it to do so. You can find your experience definitely positively transformed.

To ramp up your evolution then you must chose you destiny. FIRST. (of course, if you already know yours and are working on it, these methods I discuss are extremely valuable in accelerating your accomplishments).

You must figure out what you want to have more than anything else in life. It can be anything. For some people it may be happiness, for others wealth, for another to have a partner or children, or a career or a big house, or little cottage by the lake or a farm. Whatever it is you must figure out what you want in your life. This is what Napoleon Hill would call a ‘definite chief purpose’. You must determine what yours is.

success is the sum of small efforts repeated day in and day out

Why is this important? So that you don’t drift. So that you know where you are headed. Imagine this, you pick a vacation destination and a time when you want to get there. Most people can relate to this. You predetermine where you want to go and when.

Once you know where you want to go you can proceed. You know when you want to get there so it would be wise to determine, also in advance, HOW you want to get there.  How you travel is important. You do want to enjoy it don’t you?

Let’s assume you decide to enjoy it along the way, come what may. Whether you take detours or get sidetracked or lost, whether the going is arduous or easy you decided to enjoy it all and stick with it. You utilize everything I have been sharing to make your travel pleasant and positive.

If you don’t quit traveling you will ultimately get to your destination, either sooner, later or right on time but you will get there. As long as you make it a point to get to the destination no matter what happens and as long as you keep going you DO get there. If you stop and give up anywhere along the way you won’t make it. Certainly, this is easy to understand. You must not quit!

Because you know in your mind where you want to end up, all along the way, you will be able to determine whether you are getting closer or further away. You will know if you are off track and when you need to correct the course of travel to get to your destination.

You will know when you have arrived  because you chose where you wanted to end up from the very beginning. You had a plan you worked the plan and you got the results.

This is why it is important to know what you want in life.

The disclaimer is this:  You can have anything you want as long as it doesn’t harm you or someone else in the process. I won’t go into the reasons for this right now but will save that for another time. At this moment simply find a way to get what you want that helps others get what they want and you will be far, far better off.

When it comes to what you want there is no limit. You can have anything your heart desires. The caveat, as someone once said is, ‘there are no unrealistic goals, only unrealistic deadlines’.

every action and feeling is preceded by thought

Here are a couple of sticking points some people encounter. I know I have.

Some people never allow themselves to think that they deserve the best. Honestly, you do. You do deserve to have the best of everything, be the best you can be and enjoy all the abundance and wonderful things life has to offer. Some people never get around to accepting that for themselves. They think it is only for other people. It isn’t! It is all for you too.

When can you get it? This is sticking point number two. Some people think they can have anything (and they can) but they think it should be right the instant they think about it. They believe in magic. They don’t understand how these things (these laws) work. If you plant a seed you can expect a crop in the reasonable amount of time it takes to get the crop you planted. If you have never made 5 million dollars you still can. You may not do it this year or next but you can do it and you can have it!

I repeat YOU CAN MAKE IT HAPPEN – if you believe that you can and that you will and then you do what is required to make it happen. That is the truth! When your deadline is realistic then you are more apt to keep going because you haven’t set off in fantasy. You are realistic about what it takes for you to get it in a reasonable amount of time. Keep in mind that if you have never done this before you aren’t an expert in what is reasonable but you may guesstimate.

Could you be surprised and get it tomorrow? OF COURSE! Just realize it is not likely. The realistic time frame is important concept to grasp.

Go for all the gusto you can. Claim all you want (and be willing to share) and you can have it IN time. Once you understand this you are further along the path and actually closer to getting it than you may even realize. Thinking magically tends to keep it away.

To Recap: Determine what you want – what you MUST HAVE. Focus on it. Think Positive about it day and night. Use positive thinking to make your day to day experience wonderful. Keep the faith and keep going after it and do not stop. You ultimately will arrive and arrive well. The tools you are using and the habits you are forming as a result guarantee that you will transform your life for the better regardless of what comes down the pike. It is all about what you learn to do and take the time to master.

do it now seize the day focus and win

In a nutshell here is what you can do.

1. Revisit and re-read the thoughts and concepts I’ve shared in this and my other blog posts. Read books, watch inspirational shows and DVD, listen to inspirational audio. Fill your mind and heart with the best.

2. Surround yourself with positive people, form a Mastermind Group to move forward.

3. Make your lists of people, situations and things you are grateful for each day. Gratitude List.

4. Allow yourself to go after anything positive you want that benefits you and others. Realize you deserve the best that life has to offer as do others. Be good to yourself. Accept and give yourself permission to be and do and have abundantly.

4. Keep your Definite Chief Purpose. Know what you want by when, have it written down and review it at least twice a day, morning and night. Read or state it with passion and enthusiasm. Visualize yourself having already having your Definite Chief Purpose. See yourself already having what it is you want. Know this is your destiny.

5. Energetically repeat (or shout) your affirmations and your Directed Questions during the day, repeatedly. Keep doing it and believe it. You will once you make it a habit.

6. Find ways to add delight to yourself and others. Put a smile on someone else’s face. Help them out.

dream is goal w deadline

7. Gift and surprise yourself today. Take time and be generous and treat yourself well. Little things count! After all, after today, it will not be here any longer, it will only be a memory. Use the days you have to make them what you want them to be. Create more positive memories to enjoy.

8. Walk, move, skip, dance, do a little physical activity every day that makes you feel great. Shake it up!

9. Realize you are the creator of your life. Accept responsibility for what you create. Everything beging with thought! Thought precedes action. Whatever we create we first create inside our minds. If we hold it in our heads we can hold it in our hands.

10. Steer back to center whenever you need to. Be in charge of your thoughts, feelings and actions. Live as a victor not a victim.

11. Persist – never quit. Adjust your plans, be flexible, but keep going You will get there.

12. Practice the Golden Rule – this is about the power to think positive not only for yourself but about others. Think the best. Treat others the way you want to be treated well. Do it even if they don’t do it. Do it first! What you put out there you get back. Like attracts like. Make it a practice to only think thoughts and speak words that bless, heal and prosper yourself and others.

DO these and your life will change. Make these a habit and you will get your goals and make your dreams come true. ” Rex SIkes

We continue this topic next time. Enjoy the day!!!

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What Has Led You To Where You Are Right Now? Recognize It!

action moments

“If you are truly dedicated to changing your life for the better you will be listing the people who you are grateful for and you will be finding new ones every day. No one is too insignificant nor too important to not get listed. Each day people can contribute to us in numerous different ways and learning to recognize this and validate this is an important step toward making your life more wonderful. People are our greatest resources and there are many reasons to celebrate each of them.

If you are dedicated to making your life more positive then you also have been recounting the people whom you have benefited and the ways in which you have made a positive impact on each. Since none of us live completely alone we interact with others. Communication is a two way street. I am suggesting you look for the wins. Your wins and theirs. The more you look for mutual cooperation and benefit the more you will find it.

gratitude is the attitude that propels you forward

Keep at it these are great exercises to increase your ability to notice and celebrate the positive contributions of others and your own. Make examination and appreciation a daily habit. Fill your mind, your heart with all good things. You will transform more quickly when you feel grateful more and more each moment. When you feel blessed not matter what you are living the good life and making good things happen.

Today examine the situations and events in your life that have brought you to today. Anything at all which has led you here that you can look on and begin to appreciate if you don’t already. Think of your life as a road map to today and all the crossroads and landmarks and places you have seen along the way. Celebrate these, appreciate these whether they were delightful or challenging at the time. Think of them as stepping stones and each of them is important. Look and see that in each case you made decisions that determined outcomes and no matter what those outcomes were (or are) you are here, and that means you have succeeded in many ways. No matter whether the past was good or not so good you have succeeded. You did the best you could at the time with the information you had then and you carried on.

forgive yourself for not knowing

Some events may have been troubling others wonderful. Begin to recount them all and look at them with new eyes. See them as reasons to celebrate, lessons learned, challenges overcome, blessings in disguise, opportunities waiting to happen. Inventory and appreciate. The past is gone and a person can live in regret over what they are now no longer to change or a person can find the good, whatever that may be, from the past and appreciate it for brining them into the present. You survived whatever it was no matter how terrible or tough. Right there, this is reason to be thankful.

Find new meaning in past and even present situations that lead you to think and feel differently. Every cloud has a silver lining and remember it is always darkest before the dawn. When you celebrate and are really thankful for everything you create space to invite more good things, people, situations, events, opportunities to flow your way. One reason for this is because when you adjust your attitude and your thinking you DO see and consider things differently. When you are feeling wonderful, positive, optimistic, confident and powerful, when life is delightful you notice more than you do when you are just okay or feeling down.

train your mind to see good

Through these posts I have discussed ways I have found to feel and think better and create the future you want to have. The journey is the process it is all we have at the moment. The future while it may be assured is still in the creation process so all we have is now. In this moment it is most desirable to learn to feel grand. In this moment enjoy and raise your energy up. In this moment feel wonderful because as you do more of these feelings come your way. YOU open the flood gates for more to follow.

When you are able to recognize value in whatever life throws your way, when you are able to see seeds of positivity and opportunity, when you are able to maintain your focus and your feelings no matter what goes on around you then you are becoming the person in charge on your own life. Then you are making good things happen. Then you are really able to make lemonade out of lemons instead of it being a trite little saying. When you can recognize good in all and feel wonderful, or the very best you are able, no matter what life brings you then you are on top of things.

gratitude  magnet

How do you get there. Step by step. It is in all the little things we do each day. It is in these exercises and in making them a habit. When once we form positive habits for thinking and feeling our life has a wonderful positive energy of its own. We become our own master instead of thoughts or others dictating how we feel and behave.

Celebration and appreciation are powerful allies and tools. Utilize these to make your life the life you want to have. Utilize these to create yourself as the person you have always wanted to become. Each day take a step or two or three in being and doing and having what you want most. You can do this. Keep on doing it.” Rex Sikes

May your day be most amazing!

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