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Act As If, Affirmations, Attitude, Confidence, Decision, Directed Questions™, Habit Formation, Happiness, Intentional Thinking, Learning, Love, Mental Movie Theater, Positive Affirmations, Positive Thinking, Rehearsal And Practice, Self Improvement, Self Talk, Smiling, Success, Visualization

What Your Body Language Reveals About You? Others Can Tell!

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"Scarlett"From an article by Jim Stingl...."Sarah Platka is haunted by one particular sunrise, Aug. 17, 2011, and she is hoping someone around here photographed it."......... I did, I just never posted it, so here it is.She and her husband, Nate Weber, of South Milwaukee, had a baby that morning one year ago today, and the sunrise over Lake Michigan was so red and spectacular that it inspired the name they gave their daughter, Scarlett Lucia (Lucia means light in Italian).Ñ with Annette Kelley and Pat Landsel. Photo by Phil Koch

“Did you know people see the real you even if you attempt to hide it? At the very least they see someone attempting to hide. You do realize this, don’t you? It would be far better to live authentically, would it not? Wouldn’t it be great to live with less worry and fear?

What might it be like to move through the world more confidently? Can you imagine?  How wonderful would it be if you felt courageous most of the time? What if you were able to make things happen in positive ways? Wouldn’t that be grand?

You could be happier, healthier, wealthier and more successful. You can, you know. It is far simpler than most people believe. All you have to do is implement some easy things and keep doing them until they become habit. It is that simple.

My recent blog post was about living assertive and assured because it is important to have faith and be confident. I shared with you how you can use your mental movie theater, your imagination, to begin to become more positive and powerful. You use your mind to produce the wonderful feelings that are important to live from.

Use Your Mind And Your Words For Positive Change

You can and should use affirmations, Directed Questions™, or positive self-talk to move you forward. What you think and say to yourself is critical. It means the difference between being a success or failure, champion or loser. Think and speak only to bless, heal and prosper yourself and others. Be careful of your thoughts and words.

You will not be a success, or happy or a champion ragging and nagging on yourself all day long. The outer you will demonstrate to the world what goes on inside you. Everyone will see the way you think and feel by how you act and move.

You need positive, powerful, supportive, nurturing images, words and feelings to feel successful, happy and a champion. When your thoughts, words and feelings are aligned you are congruent.

You are most powerful and capable when congruent. It shows in your eyes and body. It is noticeable when you speak. It is evident how you sit, move and use your body. It is as if every atom of your being is charged with power. You and others will see and feel it.

There is a soft-spoken form of quiet self confidence one can recognize. This person is completely filled with presence. This person is completely present, in the here and now, and engaged.

How You Move And Speak Reflects Your Inner State Of Being

You can tell the person is congruent by the sound of their voice, the firmness and the look in the eye. Everything about this person communicates ‘I believe in and mean my message.’ or ‘I am who I say I am. I believe in myself.’

This person, when communicating with you, looks you straight in the eye, maybe looks right into your heart. You know it when you encounter it. They are right there with you totally here and now. They are alive yet completely calm. Relaxed yet vibrant!

The energy from them is strong and focused. There is no distraction. There is a steady, calm, confident assurance. If you have ever encountered a someone with immense personal power you will understand what I am speaking of.

The confident person’s posture is strong and tall. Shoulders are back, chin is out, eyes are forward. The confident person moves with purpose. Confident people tend to smile more. Why not? They know who they are and are proud and pleased. They smile because they feel good and feel like smiling.

This person speaks with authority or confidence. Nothing  about it is hostile or demanding. Their tone can be very pleasant but it commands you to listen. The person speaks so you can hear but not loud unless giving a speech. This person is assertive, and can be gentle and caring or passionate and persuasive.

You can easily tell this person believes in him or herself. You can tell how the person looks; the look in their eyes; on their face; how the person sits, moves, stands and behaves. You can tell by the volume, rate and tempo when they speak. You know by the quality of the voice and firmness. Everything points in one direction – confidence.

Mind And Body Affect Each Other – They Are One

Your mind affects your body. What you think shows up in how you approach the world. It shows up in your posture and how you sit, stand, move and act. It shows on your face because your thoughts and feelings are intimately wired neurologically.

If you think weak, tired thoughts you feel that way and act that way. People easily recognize when someone thinks self defeating thoughts, or is worried, fearful or sad. They show it. They behave it. Their defeated thinking and feeling  is reflected in everything they do. How do people see you? What are you demonstrating everyday?

People also easily recognize courageous, confident, successful, and happy people. They show it. They behave it! Their positive thinking and feeling is reflected in everything they do as well. Do people see you as someone happy and successful, confident and together, or not? How do people see you? What are you demonstrating?

We cannot easily hide what goes on inside us. Some do try, though, it is true. People try to mask their emotions which means others see the mask. They may not see the real you but they do notice the phony mask. This is no way to live. You are most attractive when you are genuinely you. Learn to live happily and with courage!

Since our mind and body are intimately wired we can use our thoughts to affect our body or our body to affect our thoughts. If we stand tall, and move with confidence and smile more we will feel more confident and brave. Do it! Keep doing it during the day!

Our primitive brains react to stimuli, real or perceived, by fight, freeze, or flight. If you allow your primitive brain to rule you your life will be ruled mostly by fear. It will not be within your control it will control you.  Many people live this way but this is no way to live.

In reality, there is little to fear in this day and age. Far fewer worries than when you had to avoid being devoured by a predator in the wild. That is what your primitive brain was useful for. Today, it is important to learn more appropriate ways to respond to life situations. You don’t have to react with fear or worry.

How You Use Your Body Affects You

Learn to stand tall and smile. Learn to walk, move, stand and speak with confidence and courage. Your body is intimately wired to your thoughts.  Use your posture purposefully. This is the way you can control and even neutralize the primitive brain. Smile, Smile, Smile!

Simply by using your body in this manner you can make very positive changes. You will think and feel better, You will be more confident. When you do some vigorous exercise shortly after dragging your butt from bed, complaining you are too tired, you become more alive and alert and feel better. You shake and wake things up!

How you utilize the mind affects the body. Think and affirm confident and courageous thoughts and you will stand, walk, move and speak more powerfully and assertively. Mind and body go hand in hand. Use both. Adjust your attitude and your body language!

You will be far more powerful and able to take advantage of possibilities and make things happen when you use your mind and body together productively. People will respond to you in positive ways when you exude a positive, friendly, fearless attitude.

This is why successful people look and sound and behave successfully. Their thoughts and feelings and body language are congruent. You are  much more powerful when your totality is aligned. Then you can relax and be completely you! No mask.

Power Comes From Aligning Your Thoughts Words And Body

When you are purposeful and deliberate, courageous and confident you become unstoppable because you know you will prevail no matter what. Every neuron, every cell, every fiber of your being works together to accomplish it. You are focused, determined and living purposefully. Others will see the real you!

You will discover your power can be unlimited. You will find you notice and take advantage of opportunities and circumstances you may otherwise have missed. You will attract other positive people to you. Overall your well-being, your health and life improve!

So do not put it off another day. Adjust your thinking and Aadjust your posture. OR adjust your posture and adjust your thinking. Work on both. Use the tools, the methods, the approaches I have shared with you in these blog pages. Continue to read. Go back and read through the other pages too. Re-read again and again.

You will discover so many positive benefits when you act on the information shared here. If you will just put it into practice you will transform your life incredibly. If you wait and debate you will remain the same. For you to change yourself and your life, if you want to, you must decide to act. It is simple and it is completely up to you!” Rex Sikes

Have a passionate play day!!!

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*Horizons photo used with permission of Phil Koch.

HEADS UP!!!  Soon Daily Inspiration And Gratitude will have a new home.  A new URL, a new look and feel. All this content and new content will be delivered there. Some of you get this blog emailed to you,

I don’t know whether that will continue or not. I do know you will be able to subscribe to the blog and my new newsletter. I hope you will stay with us. I’d hate to lose you or have you miss any blog you want to receive. So will you stay with me?  I sure want you to. I’ll let you know when the change is taking place.

Attitude, Blessings, Celebration, Creating The Future, Directed Questions™, Focus, Goals, Gratitude, Habit Formation, Healthy Choices, Intentional Thinking, Learning, Personal Development, Positive Thinking, Rehearsal And Practice, Self Improvement, Unlimited Power

Learn The One Thing Guaranteed To Improve Your Life, Longevity & Happiness?

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horizons - daisys in foreground

“If there was one thing you could do that would improve your attitude, your mental health and even your physical health would you want to know what it is? Would you do it? Are you interested in maximizing your potential and the quality of your life? If you are please read on.

In my last blog I emphasized recognizing, acknowledging and appreciating your strengths, talents and abilities. Celebrate you good points and your strong ones. This is important for a couple of reasons.

Search Ask Questions

Your mental search and discovery is extremely useful. When you set your mind to look for the positive things about you you will find them.  This is precisely why asking better quality positive questions is so important. It is why I have recommended Directed Questions™ for so many years.

Unfortunately, many, if not most people, look for the negative. Don’t worry you will find those as well if you bother to look. Your mind will deliver whatever you focus on and it will deliver multiple examples. Birds of a feather flock together is a useful reminder.

It comes up with more that one answer because part of the way the mind works is by association. It finds relevant, similar examples to deliver. So you want good taste to prevail. You want to be smart about what you search for. Search for what you want to find.

When you search for positive, strengths and abilities you will find them. If you are one of the few who can’t seem to remember many examples at first just keep looking. Keep asking ‘what am I good at?’ ‘what is something else I am good at’ or ‘what other things am I good at?’ Continue to probe and to prod and the answers will soon come.

Reflect And Review

Think about how you interact with people.  What you do in the form of activities, work and play? Where you spend time?  What you know or are knowledgeable about? Sometimes finding the answers comes from adjusting the question or a word.

For those who think, I am not good at anything (because their use of good represents too high of a standard) they may have to  first think about those things they do well at or just better than other things. You may have to keep asking in different ways. In actual use getting answers back from your own brain is pretty darn easy. Keep asking!

Focus on the type of answers you want. What you excel at or in. These constitute resources you have from your past. They are your strong points that you can apply in your present or future. They are things about yourself to celebrate and appreciate. They are part of you and your history. They are your present and your future too.

Remembering and counting these as blessings can help you feel better and be more positive because you focus on your strengths. You set your mind thinking along intentional productive lines. You are more positive because you can find examples in your own history of things you succeed at or accomplish well.

Realize And  Recognize

Discover the many different areas you have strengths in and the many additional strengths you have yet to realize. Then keep doing it.  Keep doing it. Search, find, recognize, validate and celebrate!

The way to stay more youthful,  have more fun, feel better, think better and clearer is to keep learning new things. Learning is the key. It is the answer!  When you set out to learn something you establish a purpose or goal. Stay a perpetual learner. It keeps you healthier!

Do you want to be able to ski, to sew, to sell, to speak better. Whatever you want to learn you start off with no ability or not knowing how. You negotiate a learning curve all the while practicing or playing. As you continue you learn to get better or even good at it. You have set a goal and a direction to travel in. Then you traveled.

This is beneficial for many reasons. When you learn new things you have to engage in new behaviors, new thoughts, new  ways and different ways of understanding. You need to create new neural pathways. You add newness to your existing skill base.

Celebrate And Delight Be Happy

You actually grow your brain capacity by adding to the neural networks. As you learn and incorporate new abilities and overcome new challenges you keep your brain healthier because the brain loves challenges. It likes puzzles and things to do. It thrives on novelty and being used. You know the saying, use it or lose it.

Use your brain! Use your body to learn a variety of new things. Dedicate yourself to picking up new skills and talents. Have fun discovering other things you may enjoy doing and learning about. Read about them yes, but don’t just read about them get up and out and do them. Consider learning new things you never considered before. Learn on your own and with others. Take classes, get involved. Meet others!

Research has demonstrated that just learning fine finger motor skills such as playing keyboard and stringed instruments, or even finger movement exercises does much to improve overall cognition, keep the brain young and prevent dementia. Exercise and sports contribute to overall well-being and physical health when done properly. Learn new things to do! Get positive mental, emotional and physical stimulation.

Learn to sing, play piano, paint, ski, draw, act, or dance. Sit down and write a play, a script a novel. Learn computer programming or gaming. Take up filmmaking, photography, sports, biking, yoga, any form of art or crafts. Go for Formula 1 driving lessons. ANYTHING! Try crossword puzzles and board games like chess. Challenge yourself. There is so much to choose from. Never limit yourself! Get a coach or mentor!

Keep Learn New Skills Add To Your Strengths

You do not have to go skydiving. Certainly, you can but this isn’t about risk. It is about learning a new ability and adding it to your behavior repertoire. See my previous blogs about adding novelty to your daily routine. Your brain loves novelty. Spice up your days add in novelty. Do things a new and different way. Challenge yourself.

When you have a youthful brain, a positively focused brain, a happier you, you feel and act and behave healthier. You can be healthier too! When you align yourself mentally, emotionally, spiritually you align physically too. Of course, learning to do healthy things and incorporate these into your daily routine helps as well.

Practice well being in mind, body and soul. Every day allows you the opportunity to learn or practice something. Each day you can discover new ways to improve yourself and others.  Continue to learn, grow and develop yourself and you can find so much more to be joyous and excited about.

It gives you something to look forward to. So look to your passions. Try things out. Explore and adventure for new things to add into your behavioral repertoire and you knowledge base. Have fun, skip, sing, dance, doodle, and enjoy finding out more of what you are good at. A flower either grows and blooms or withers and dies. Keep growing!” Rex Sikes

NEWS     NEWS     NEWS     NEWS     NEWS     NEWS     NEWS  

*Horizons photo used with permission of Phil Koch.

HEADS UP!!!  Soon Daily Inspiration And Gratitude will have a new home.  A new URL, a new look and feel. All this content and new content will be delivered there. Some of you get this blog emailed to you,

I don’t know whether that will continue or not. I do know you will be able to subscribe to the blog and my new newsletter. I hope you will stay with us. I’d hate to lose you or have you miss any blog you want to receive. So will you stay with me?  I sure want you to. I’ll let you know when the change is taking place.

What wonderful things can you share, and with whom, today?

Subscribe and Follow Daily Inspiration and Gratitude!  Visit often. Feel free to comment. If you think others would benefit please share this blog with others.

Acceptance, Affirmations, Attitude, Celebration, Curiosity, Emotions, Focus, Gratitude, Habit Formation, Learning, Personal Development, Rehearsal And Practice, Self Improvement, Success

It Is Important To Know What You Are Good At!

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Phil koch green sky grass and creek

“Is there something you are good at? Do you have a particular talent? Can you can sing, dance, act or make people laugh? Maybe you are good with people? How about numbers? Do you have a flair for interior design, engineering or mathematics? Perhaps, you are good at writing screenplays, stories, articles or letters.

Maybe you are good in science or at managing money? You could be a wonderful conversationalist or storyteller. What is your talent? What is your passion? Do you like photography, cinematography or making music? Do you paint, sculpt, draw or scribble?

Maybe you like knitting. You could be great with cars. How about kids, you are good with kids! Are you an educator, a cook or a cop? What do you like to do? What are you good at? What is your strength? All of us have at least one thing we are good at. Most of us have a few and some of us many things we are accomplished in.

Become Aware Of Your Talents And Abilities

It can be your work, a hobby or simply something you excel at. It doesn’t matter whether you use it in a job or at play. It doesn’t matter how good you are compared to anyone else. These strengths are what YOU are good at. They are what you are strong in. These are areas you are talented in. Aspects you like and enjoy about yourself.

Recognize your strengths. Celebrate these. Embrace them. Be proud of your abilities. They can be mental skills, emotional skills or physical skills. You might be really good at thinking things through, asking questions and  finding solutions.

You could be a great listener, a true friend.  You might be good at understanding, loving or being compassionate. Perhaps, you are able to see the bright side in situations and encourage others or find humor.

Know Your Strengths

Maybe you are good at a sport or games. Do you like building or making things. Whether it is making clothes, decorations  or carpentry you are good with your hands. You might be musically inclined or play an instrument.

Whatever areas you excel at enjoy and do your best at. Don’t compare others to yourself. It isn’t necessary to be the best just do your best. The key is to accept, embrace and celebrate these aspects of you. After all, they are your resources. Your skills! Your Talents!

Your strengths are things you may have naturally demonstrated a proficiency in or that you learned to acquire. Some may have come more easily or you may have exerted great effort. The point is these are yours!

Embrace Your Strengths And Skills

Take an inventory of the many different areas you do well in. Think about who you are and what you able to do. Note which things you excel at and be grateful. Appreciate yourself. Feel it! Really FEEL IT!

Become aware that you have learned to do many things.  You have learned to be mobile. You  have learned to walk, feed oneself and dress yourself. You learned ride a bike, take public transportation or drive a car. You learned to communicate, speak, sign, read and write.

You have learned countless things which require complex thinking skills and physical abilities to co-ordinate. You learned these and so many others. Most everything you do you have learned by watching, by experimenting using trial, error and feedback, and by repeating over and over until you got good at it.

Celebrate Who You Are And What You Can Do

You may have done it mostly on your own with help or coaching. The point is you have learned so many incredible things. Do not take this for granted! Stop, think, reflect. Spend time adding these to things those you appreciate and are grateful for. Count your blessings.

We all have strengths and none of us are good at everything. People are good at different things. It makes the world more wonderful this way. Enjoy your talents and strong points. Think about this a lot. Affirm your good points. Do it daily. As you search for strengths notice ones you may not have ever previously considered.

Of course you can list your abilities on a resume or discuss them during an interview. Good to know what your strengths are then. Most importantly is you recognize what you are able to do and enjoy and what you have accomplished already.

You Have Learned So Many Wonderful Useful Things

Come to know your strengths and abilities! Realize you learned these and because you learned them you can learn anything if you want to. Keep growing and finding things that you enjoy, that you are excited about and feel passion for. Live, Learn, Love, Laugh!

You’ll find many things if you will only take the time to really look. Enjoy your discoveries. Keep learning too. Keep growing. Keep stretching and keep using your talents and abilities. Delight!” Rex Sikes

NEWS     NEWS     NEWS     NEWS     NEWS     NEWS     NEWS  

*Horizons photo used with permission of Phil Koch.

HEADS UP!!!  Soon Daily Inspiration And Gratitude will have a new home.  A new URL, a new look and feel. All this content and new content will be delivered there. Some of you get this blog emailed to you,

I don’t know whether that will continue or not. I do know you will be able to subscribe to the blog and my new newsletter. I hope you will stay with us. I’d hate to lose you or have you miss any blog you want to receive. So will you stay with me?  I sure want you to. I’ll let you know when the change is taking place.

find the fun in this day!

Subscribe and Follow Daily Inspiration and Gratitude!  Visit often. Feel free to comment. If you think others would benefit please share this blog with others.

 

Act As If, Attitude, Beliefs, Confidence, Decision, Emotions, Flow, Healthy Choices, Intentional Thinking, Learning, Persistence, Personal Development, Positive Thinking, Responsibility, Self Improvement, Success

What To Do When You Don’t Feel Like It

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you can always do more than you think

“What do you do when you don’t feel like it? You want to but you don’t? You wish you felt like it but… You know it would be good for you to do it. What are you supposed to do?

DO IT ANYWAY!

Somehow, some people have grown up thinking that if we don’t feel like it then we shouldn’t do it. Our feelings run the show. I am not sure this is normal or natural. For example, It seems that some people have been brave and did amazing things while filled with fear. I am sure they didn’t ‘feel like it’.

They were terrified but acted anyway. They did not let fear stop them. Some people are idiots who have no fear when they should have, but sometimes ordinary people behave in extraordinary ways.

Gandhi fasted. I am sure he felt hungry. He resisted the urge to meet violence with violence. He found another way. Victor Frankl was imprisoned, held captive, yet, felt free within his spirit. He did not let his captivity or his captors crush him.

We have been mislead. We are told feelings matter. They do, but not in the manner we think is most important. It is important to recognize and validate feelings. Feelings drive the show in messaging the subconscious.

We should feel good most of the time in order to make our lives what we want them to be. We should feel good in pursuing our goals and in getting what we want. Feelings are indicators when we are off track and focused on what we don’t want.

Consider The Concept Of Enlightenment

Whomever we are, we are not our thoughts, we are the thinker who thinks the thoughts. We are not our feelings. We are the one who produces feeling in response to our thoughts. We are beyond our thoughts and feelings, yet, most of us think we are our thoughts and feelings.

Some people think if we ‘can’t’ do it, well then, it can’t be done. If we don’t ‘feel like it’ then we won’t do it. Neither of these statements are accurate  unless we accept them as accurate. If we accept these notions as true then we are limited by these notions. Still,  we know others have accomplished much even when facing incredible personal or real world odds.

Let’s make it even simpler. There are those who, by discipline, exercise ever day even when they don’t feel like it. It’s true, not every day seems like a good day to go to the gym. Some maintain eating a particular way or diet even when they don’t want to.

The military conditions people to do all sorts of things when they may feel otherwise. People don’t have to feel like it in order to do it. Although most of us think we have to because if  we don’t feel like it then we just don’t do it.

There may be times when this is acceptable. There are times when it isn’t. Your employer won’t tolerate it for very long if you don’t feel like coming into work often. There are things we do because we must even when we don’t want to or feel like it. So we are capable.

If it is good for you, in your best interests, and you don’t feel like it GO AHEAD and do it anyway. Don’t be a victim to your less than glorious thoughts and feelings. Pull yourself up by your own bootstraps and just do it anyway. Use some intestinal fortitude.

Become Disciplined

Perhaps, that is what discipline is. The ability to be consistent and persistent in spite of our feelings or obstacles that may attempt to prevent us. We stay on course no matter what the distractions.

We focus and aim at the target and do not waiver. Sometime you just have to stick to it. Don’t be like a cork bobbing on the water going wherever the current takes it. Be the captain of your ship. Be in charge of your own power so you can steer yourself and get yourself to wherever you want to go.

You should be the victor and not the victim of your thoughts, feelings, and circumstances. You can be a champion. In order to be a champion you have to stop with the excuses. You have to take responsibility. You have to persist and be willing to see it through even if you don’t feel like it.

You don’t feel like cleaning the house. Do it anyway. In fact, do it first before you do anything else. Don’t let it sit out there as a task looming over you. Get it out of the way. Take charge, take action.

Take a small step in the right direction and then do another one after that. Then another and before you know it you will be done. Every time you go in and out of a room make it a point to put something away. Soon your house will be cleaner.

Find ways to accomplish whatever you need to. Stop excusing yourself for not feeling like it! DO it anyway. You will feel better about yourself in the long run. It can be a good feeling when you push through it because you discover you were capable all along.

The trick is not to play the blame game or the excuses game. Just do whatever is in your best interest. Be responsible. Take responsibility for your thoughts, your feelings and your actions. Run them instead of letting them run you. You can be aware of them without letting them dictate who you are and what you are able to do.

You Have Choices

Something, has come along and upset your life. Some bad event. You got thrown off course. You feel like chucking it. At this moment you don’t want to put on a happy face and feel better. You prefer to curse it and stew in it. Okay that is a choice. How soon do you think you will feel better? Time will take care of it. It may?

What have you learned by this? Sit and let things do whatever they do. Wait and when ready resume. It is an option probably valid at times. However, you are not in charge. Something else is in charge of you. Think about that for a moment.

You could take charge. You could determine your destination and the course you want to travel. You could make it a point to do something that makes you feel a bit better. You can do anything positive to feel a bit more positive.

You begin to move in that direction even when you may not feel like it.  You inch your way along until you can take bigger steps. You don’t deceive yourself with limited thinking. You don’t whine, complain, blame yourself, the circumstances or anyone else.

You push through it and surprise yourself that you can exceed your limitations. You discover you can go much further when you allow yourself, even if you have to force yourself. What have you learned by this? Think about this for a moment.

You can be victim or victor. It really is up to the decision you make. After all, it is your life. You may not be in a prisoner in a cell like Victor Frankl, you may be a free person. If you are a free person act like it. Be free. Act free.

You Are Beyond You Thoughts And Feelings. Act Like It

Use your feelings Don’t be used by your feelings. Recognize them for what they are. They are a signal system. The indicate whether or not you are on track and closing in on your goal. When you are feeling positive you are on course.

When they are less than glorious they indicate you are off track and you are paying attention to what you don’t want. You won’t make your life better thinking and pursuing what you do not want. So the negative feelings provide you the opportunity to change direction and move back towards what you do want.

Don’t be a prisoner of limited thinking. Stop thinking ‘I can’t’ and begin thinking ‘I can!’ Exceed your limits. Go beyond them in ways that delight and surprise you. Don’t let your thoughts or feelings stop you from doing something that truly benefits you or others. Find the ways to let go and make it happen. Start living your positive dreams!” Rex Sikes

I’ll share more that you can do to feel ‘like it’ when you don’t in upcoming blog.

Be good to yourself today!

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Acceptance, Affirmations, Attitude, Beliefs, Blessings, Celebration, Confidence, Creating The Future, Decision, Emotions, Energy, Expectations, Faith, Focus, Getting Over The Past, Gratitude, Happiness, Learning, Overcoming Difficulty, Personal Development, Positive Thinking, Responsibility, Self Improvement, Success, Unlimited Power

The Number 1 Reason Therapy Sucks!

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talking about problems greatest addiction

“I might upset a lot of people with this but hang in there. Stay open as your read. You may feel a tendency to shut down and dismiss but keep an open mind. I know it can be difficult to listen (read) all the way through, especially in this day and age but give it a shot. Try it. Hear me out.

Some therapy will keep you in therapy forever because they want you to sift though all your pain, hurt, defeat, heartbreak, anger, sadness, every grievance you may have had because they believe buried deep within you are unresolved hurts and issues. You must bring them to light of day, work on them and over come them. This is very well meaning but not most effective.

This approach will keep you in therapy for a longer time. It is a ruse, a dirty trick played on you. The goal of therapy should be healing and to get out of therapy. This business model works against you since you are charged by the session the doctor makes more the less success you have. Your problems line their pockets with cash. This happens when the focus is on managing issues (in any field) instead of the resolution of issues. There may be legitimate reasons too. Not everything is cut from the same cloth.

The same applies to self help products and seminars when, after you purchase their product they continue to upsell you on why the original product didn’t work in the first place. While it can be true in therapy or with products and seminars some troubleshooting may be required none of it should make you feel inadequate about your abilities to change. You should be focused on what you can positively and proactively do to be able to live the life you want to live.

Therapy Should Search To Find Your Strong Points 

The goal should be to find solutions, resources, talents, abilities,all your strong points and to get you out of therapy. The focus in much therapy, as practiced, IS IN EXACTLY THE WRONG PLACE.  It keeps you locked into seeing a therapist.

Let me say there are scores of well intending, compassionate understanding people who value this therapeutic approach and I realize I am stepping down hard on their toes. There are many who practice and receive therapy who believe in it. Benefit can be found anywhere if you look for it.

I have the utmost respect for all these people and do not intend to cause any discomfort – other than the mental kind that comes with entertaining an opposing idea. This is a call to examine and to be open and to improve the work that good people want to accomplish. It is meant to build in a particular direction not to tear down.

I hope you understand. That said, let’s move on!

Therapy Is Supposed To Be A Healing

It is supposed to be about Healing! Einstein said, ‘We can not solve our problems with the same level of thinking that created them.’

You don’t heal the wound by continuing to pick at it. You treat it and let nature heal while you move on with your life. Digging into the wound, other than to immediately clean it out and identify what needs to be done, does not help it.

Understanding one’s problems and listing reasons for being stuck may placate for awhile but it does not necessarily resolve them. This approach causes us to continue to live with issues. We explore and find the reasons we are as we are.

We determine who or what we blame for our problems. We make excuses as to why we haven’t yet moved. Instead we should take responsibility for the problem, get over it and move ahead.

Energy Flows Where Your Attention  Goes

This concept has roots in most of the major religions. Napoleon Hill and the early thought leaders of the 20th century addressed this issue well. It is popularized in Law Of Attraction (LOA) literature.

Simply put: What you focus on expands. Whatever it is, good or bad, wanted or unwanted enlarges when you pay attention to it.  It expands when we put our attention on it. This is about where and how we place our attention!  Whatever you resist, persists! What you fight fights back.

Earl Nightengale stated it. So had Buddha, and Gandhi when they said,  ‘You become what you think about.’ This is another way of saying energy flows where your attention goes. What you think about you bring about. What you hold in your head you will hold in your hand.

It is the principle of Karma. It is cyclical. You get back what you put out there. Whatever you plant you will later reap. What you attempt to fix you focus on so you get more of the problem.

The problem for people attempting to resolve their problem this way is that focusing on the problem IS THE PROBLEM!

Birds Of A Feather Flock Together

The Law Of Attraction states like attracts like. Whatever it is! Good or bad! Positive attracts positive and negative attracts negative. SO if you are stuck and you focus on why you are stuck you get more stuck. It is simple really. What you think about you bring about.

No one tells you this because we have become so entrenched in thinking this is the way it is. We have been lead by an industry into thinking that digging a hole will get us closer to the other side. It won’t! We just end up with more and more dirt.

If you focus on what you do not want you put energy into what you do not want. How do you suppose you will get what you want while you are totally focused on what you don’t want? YOU WON’T!

No one tells you this because you are their paycheck. Even if they are well intending and it isn’t about the money this philosophy will keep you stuck for a long time. This form of therapy is not the answer. Caring people can nurture and promote a problem unintentionally. They don’t mean to but they don’t know any other way.

Withdraw The Energy From The Problem

The way of change is to withdraw the energy from the problem source. Let it go. Drop it. Then direct the mind to what you want instead. Focus on what you want and it expands. If you stop feeding plants or weeds they will wither and die. STOP FEEDING YOUR PROBLEMS!!!

The reason why a lot of change work doesn’t work and why people stay stuck IS because the solution to the problem does not exist at the same level the problem was created. We have to shift, step aside, go around, move over to the positive instead of focusing on the negative.

Stop It, Drop It, Let Go And Re-Direct Your Attention To Solutions

If you want your life to change you have to change things in your life. You can’t continue to do the same things over and over again and hope for a different positive result. It won’t happen. We are our habits and if we are habitually focused on what is wrong we are not ever going to get to what is right until we change those habits.

Focus On Your Strengths; Focus On What Is Right

You don’t get stronger focusing on your weaknesses. You don’t get better developing your weaknesses. You might get to mediocre by working on what you are least good at. You become the best by focusing on and developing what you are good at.

When you focus on your strengths, what you are best at, you have an opportunity to take them to a championship level. You maximize your strengths. You accentuate your abilities. Remember, whatever you focus on expands!

Instead of looking for why and where you are broken search for why and where you are good. Look for why and where you are healthy! Look for why and where you work perfectly well. Look for your resources. Look for you positive characteristics and attributes and emphasize those.

Develop Your Skills And Abilities

Get better at these. Develop you positive thoughts and feelings and you get more of them. What you focus on expands. You become what you think about! You will feel more positive about yourself. Your confidence and your competence will grow. You’ll begin to feel better and enjoy more well-being.

Stop focusing on how you aren’t enough and begin focusing on how you are more than enough. Focus on the light and life radiating within you. Stop getting in your own way by looking for dirt and begin to look for gold. It is there within, perhaps hidden, but you will find it as you look for it.

Develop your positive thoughts and feelings, attributes and characteristics. Develop the skills and abilities you are already good at. Your confidence and well being and wonderful thoughts about yourself will grow too and soon you will discover other positive truths about you. You’ll discover glorious feelings! You will rock your world.

Praise Yourself, Celebrate and Become Filled With Gratitude

Stop blaming and criticizing yourself. Be grateful for everything you have and don’t have. Be thankful for all of your experiences good and bad, for all the wonderful and all the horrible people in your life. Celebrate, be grateful, be free.

Take responsibility for it all! Don’t be a wimp don’t make excuses just accept responsibility for it all. 100% This puts you in charge. When you take control everything changes for the positive. You begin to determine the outcomes. You decide to live as a victor, a champion, and not a victim.

If you want your life to change you must change things in your life. Change your thoughts. Stop blaming yourself, others and the world! Accept total responsibility for everything. Even if you disagree with this premise it allows you to be in charge and at cause rather that at the effect of others and circumstances.

Choose! Would you rather live from a place of compassionate, benevolent power or would you prefer to be a slave and a victim to problems? Would you rather live strong or weak? It is completely up to you and ONLY you.

Stop looking for what is wrong and for what doesn’t work and begin to look for what is right. Develop these things! As you do you will stop being weak and you will start being strong. That happens when you come into your own power. You will celebrate yourself! You will also find reasons to celebrate others.

You will be nicer, friendlier, more loving and develop better relationships when you embrace your strengths. It is a natural part of your development when you focus on the positive rather than the negative. You become kinder. You become more accepting. You learn change is easier than you originally thought!

Transform Yourself And Your Entire Life Transforms

You develop a strong sense of helpfulness and co-operation while at the same time you learn to establish boundaries. You say yes to more of what you want and no to what you don’t want. You stop wasting your time and enjoy life more.  You end victimhood and you stop being a doormat when you take charge of your life.

It is amazingly powerful! This is life transforming! You learn to shift awareness from problems to solutions. You’ll move away from the unwanted toward the wanted; away from the negative to the positive. You will develop new positive habits for staying focused in positive ways on what works, what is helpful, what you want and enjoy!

Stop! Don’t be one of these people who spend years trying to figure out what is wrong. They would be better served if they focused on developing strengths instead of discovering their weaknesses

Keep in mind the American Psychiatric (and Psychological) Associations philosophies of practices focus on the diagnosis and treatment of problems. Keep in mind psychology, just like medicine, is a practice. It is about diagnosis and repair. These practitioners are not gods, they are only expressing opinions based on their training biases and really nothing more. Actually, that is true about anyone.

If all you have is a hammer you treat everything as a nail. If the focus is on problems you’ll find problems everywhere. This mindset applies to you and me first and foremost. We must look for solutions if we want to find them.

It is accurate to say that in USA we do not promote health and prevention as much as we practice diagnosis, repair and management when necessary. We have little in the way of preventative medicine in our country but this movement has been growing slowly for decades now. Still, one can see the obvious battle between the corporate powers that be and those helping to bring about change.

Concetrate On Health And Well-Being For Yourself

Even though we don’t promote wellness as much people can find benefit anywhere and everywhere. Nothing is written in stone. We can all change regardless of what approach we take. Be positive! Be optimistic. Expect to find solutions and you can.

Perception is everything as are our expectations. People tend to rise to what is expected of them! Look to what is healthy and positive! Look into what is healthy and is positive.

Your goal is to have an incredible, loving, fun-filled, joyous successful life. Perception is everything. Orientation is everything. Framing is everything. Don’t submit to the limitations of philosophies. You deserve better.

See solutions, talents, abilities, resources. See positive potential wanting to be released. There are victors who chose to live as victims because they drank ‘the sugary drink’.  Stop it! Believe in yourself. Believe in the ease at which you can change.

Let me make this point very clear. This blog is not about criticizing the system although there is plenty that could be said. This is not meant to criticize countless numbers of helpful, beneficial practitioners of change. If you are in therapy and it is working for you celebrate and be grateful. That is what it should be doing regardless of the approach. I am all for doing what works!

My emphasis is that people put attention in the wrong place. This should be very clear. Therapy, as practiced by many, sucks because of what people focus on. The emphasis is on the problem. The same is the case for people not in therapy. They put their attention in the wrong place. This post is about where you put your attention and where to put it to get the most benefit! Please don’t miss this point.

Change work should be about healing and solutions. It could be about resources and strengths. WHETHER OR NOT someone is in therapy the point remains the same because this is really NOT about therapy! If you focus on the negative that is what you get more of. Stop focusing so much on problems. If you are going to find a therapist find one who focuses on solutions! They are out there!

I must keep reminding the reader: this point of this post is where WE place OUR attention! You must place your attention where it does the most good! Focus on the positive, your talents, your abilities, your strengths. You will find more of them when you put your attention on these! If you want your life to change you must change things you are thinking, paying attention to, and doing. You have to change some things to change your life. When you focus on developing your strengths your confidence increases as a result.

Expect Change To Be Easy And It Will Be. Perception is Everything

You can live an amazing, wonderful, joy-filled life NO MATTER WHAT. Your past doesn’t equal your future. Whatever you did or however you lived before that was then. Now is the time to make the change. Now is the time to start developing the positive habits that you will use to have the best life ever!

Live victoriously. Claim it! Live as a victor. Live and think and act and feel like a winner. You deserve to. Have a glorious life! Focus on what you want and can do. Focus on enjoying it all. Celebrate and becoming grateful for everything.

Make the changes you want to make. You can be, do and have anything you want. So do it! Be responsible for your life from this moment forward. There are more incredible and delightful moments ahead for you than you can even begin to imagine right now!” Rex Sikes

What a wonderful new day to delight in!

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Do This When Frustrated, Angry or Feeling Bad!

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worry takes away today's peace

“How can you tell if you are focused on what you don’t want or what you do want? It is actually easy. Your have a signaling system that you can use. It alerts you when you are on or off track. You only need to learn how to recognize it to use it. It requires is becoming aware.

Your Feelings Are Your Signal System

If you are frustrated it is a signal you are focused on what you do not want. Negative emotion is the signal you are focused on what you don’t want. When you are feeling good and have positive emotions it is a signal you are focused on what you want.

Negative emotion only means you are thinking about what you do not want. Whatever you are thinking about mostly is what you get more of. You create the conditions of your life experience. You manifest more of the same. What you think about you become.

If you are frustrated, angry, depressed, anxious, worried, fearful, blaming and accusing, whining and complaining you are spending time and energy in a less than glorious place. The feelings that cause you to blame or complain are the signal.

If you catch yourself criticizing and speaking poorly about self, others, events and situations that is a signal. A clue you are focused in less than productive ways on what you do not want.

Once you become aware you are feeling negative, feeling frustrated, and you don’t like feeling that way you can do two things. First, you can get more frustrated, and more angry, you can get more intensely negative to the point where you think and say and commit to yourself,  ‘never again!’ You can ramp it up and get to that ‘this is the last straw’ point. From this point you can make changes you need to.

That is one way of dealing with it. It can and does occur naturally for people. They just get to the point where they know they have to change. That intense emotion is fine as long as it serves to take them to a place where they stop focusing on the negative and begin focusing on the positive.

The negative feelings are the signal you are not focusing on what you want. However, if you don’t change your focus to what you do want you won’t have the relief or get the results you hope for. You must wake up, pay attention to the signal and change what you are doing.

You must switch your attention. THAT IS WHAT your feelings have been trying to get you to do. You feelings are trying to GET YOUR ATTENTION enough for you to notice so you can SWITCH!

Remember, if you always do what you always did you always get what you always got. It is an opportunity to be productively different.

Clarify What You Do Want

Use the powerful negative feelings to figure out what it is you do want. Stop focusing on the negative and start focusing on the positive. Commit to staying focused on the positive. Whenever you feel negative there is an adjustment you should make. That IS the signal you are off course.

You have an internal guidance system. You have an internal GPS. You have a system designed to be self correcting. The unwanted thoughts and feelings inform you that you are off course. Don’t fight them, celebrate when you recognize the signal and make the necessary changes. Less than glorious means time to change!

Some people have spent so many years ignoring or fighting and pushing down and repressing their feelings they have difficulty telling when they are feeling good or  less than glorious. Still, you can learn to pay attention and benefit from this internal guidance bit by bit, Awareness is your key! It may be more subtle but you can do it.

Commit to paying attention. Do a self inventory frequently though out the day by asking ‘how am I feeling’ . Take a moment to evaluate and be honest. It is useful  to color chart your feelings using crayon or markers to indicate the changes during the day.

Notice predominant colors and notice how frequently you actually fluctuate. This is a great learning tool Give it a shot and you may surprise yourself.

You can ask someone  to assist you by pointing out when you are acting in certain ways. Just don’t bite their head off when they help. The goal is to become aware when you are feeling less than glorious so you can change direction.

Second, Make Incremental Change

You change from bad to a little bit better. Step by step. The goal is to feel a bit better. Actually, the goal is to feel the best you can most of the time, but if you are intensely down or angry going from that place to joyous is too big a leap.

Going from angry to frustrated is a smaller step and a worthwhile one. You are learning to lessen the anger and move away from it.

People either get frustrated and then angry or they can get angry and cool off to frustrated. It is like a gate that can move in either direction. A swinging door. So when you are really mad the goal is to cool off and begin to think of what you do want.

If you are down you want to get to a bit better place. A place more okay and begin thinking about what you do want. If you are depressed you may want to get frustrated and angry. At least, from angry you can act.

Because it is intense you create more movement. From there you can more readily change. Regardless, one needs to get to a place where ‘enough is enough’ and then make positive productive change.

What you want makes you feel good when you think about it. If when think about what you want you feel bad you aren’ t thinking about what you do want. You probably are thinking about how you don’t have what you do want.

You won’t feel good if you compare where you are to where you want to be unless you are celebrating closing the gap. If as you inch your way forward you are delighted the entire time then it is fine.

Gratitude Helps Make Everything Better

If you celebrate everything you are on the right track and you will feel better more of the time. How can you feel down and out, frustrated, angry or bored when you are thankful and happy and delighted about everything? You can’t!

Find every little thing you can to enjoy, and appreciate. The more you find the better you will feel.

Once you make gratitude and celebration a daily habit you will be thinking and feeling good most of the time. You will be much closer to making your dreams come true as you live this way. Then your head and heart is clear to find more opportunity and advantages each day. You are better equipped to handle obstacles, and disappointment. You are far more resilient and resourceful!

When you live in gratitude and celebration everything is incredible and getting better at the same time. It is one of the wisest and most powerful choices you can make. Celebrate everything, even the tough stuff! Look for the silver lining and emphasize it. Never waste an opportunity to feel grand!” Rex Sikes

Enjoy today!

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You Screwed Up! How To Get Over It!

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your best teacher your last mistake

“You screwed up! Big or small? It doesn’t matter. We all make mistakes. The big question is what to do when you do make a mistake? How do you keep going?

Okay, this won’t be the first time you heard this. You are human. Humans make mistakes. That is what we do. That is how we learn. From our earliest moment we are screwing up and it is informing us and teaching us.

BUT since we went to school we hate messing up. We hated those red marks on our tests. We were told everything we did wrong. SO we developed an aversion to it. We developed a fear for making mistakes.

We responded out of sorts. We don’t like it. We are afraid of it and feel bad when we screw up.

Stop Focusing On Mistakes

If we focus on what we don’t want we get more of what we don’t want. If we spend time worrying about making mistakes it is more likely we will make them.

If we think ‘don’t screw up’ it is not any different than telling a child ‘don’t spill your mill’. You know what happens when we do that.

Focus On What You Do Well

You have to live fearlessly and expect the best. You need to plan for success and not let mistakes bother you so much. You are so much more than your occasional screw up.

You do more things right than you do wrong. Celebrate that! Embrace this! Accept it! You do plenty of things well and quite well.

How We Learn

As a child you learned to roll over, sit up, crawl and eventually walk by making more movements than were necessary. These movements were way off base. They weren’t at all close to what you need to balance or move forward easily.

When you learned to feed yourself you repeatedly missed your mouth with the spoon getting food all over the place and yourself. You made movements way off base.

You never thought to call them mistakes. They were! They were necessary for you to eventually hone your skills and get the food in your mouth. They were necessary for balance, movement, navigation.

These are called Unwanted Parasitic Movements. Name sounds horrible but you needed to learn how to stop doing them in order to get the spoon to your mouth, for you to sit up, crawl and walk.

They were absolutely required. They were larger than necessary, not even closed to the refined movements you learned to make because of them. It is like coloring outside the lines. You went outside the lines while learning to color inside the lines.

You learned to eliminate all that was unnecessary in order to refine and perform these skills. You got rid of these unwanted parasitic movements to smoothly navigate the spoon to your mouth.

It was all done through repetition. It was all learning. It was all ‘not that way but this way’ when it came to aiming your arm and hand to your mouth.

When you watch an infant sit notice how much it moves as it is learning to sit comfortably still. The infant is learning to balance from all these extraneous movements.

Good thing you couldn’t talk or think about it as you do now, you’d have quit after the first or second try, starved to death and would not be reading this blog.

Accept Mistakes As Part Of Being Human

Mistakes are part of evolving, growing, developing. If you deny making them or get caught up in thinking about them, over thinking about them or worrying about them you will only be miserable.

You will stagnate and prevent yourself from learning valuable lessons. You will make it tougher on yourself. Pat yourself on the back when you make a mistake and say to yourself, ‘You did the best you could. Better luck next time’.

Realize we all make them and they are a part of life. Embrace yourself, forgive yourself. Embrace your mistakes, forgive yourself for making them. It is absolutely ok.

Yes, there may be consequences and you may need to make restitution for your mistakes that should be understood. That is part of the process.

Don’t shirk your responsibility when a mistake affects others. Ask forgiveness do what you can to rectify it. Be positive and proactive. Do not let it ruin you. Make good on it and get over it.

Mistakes Make You More Attractive

People like people more who are able to forgive themselves and admit their mistakes. It actually makes them more attractive. There is the story of a popular television entertainer who was supposed to run up a flight of stairs during his TV special.

He stumbled and fell. The producers said, ‘don’t worry we can edit it out’. He said ‘leave it in’. He understood that it would make him more human and that the audience would feel for and pull for him seeing him falter but continue to go on. And he was right!

Happy people know this inside. They know that making a mistake is actually a learning experience and an opportunity. Since we all make them and it is probable we will continue to make them the best approach seems to be relaxed acceptance.

Don’t get bent out of shape. Keep moving forward. The more you can celebrate mistakes the less the sting. When you are able to embrace and accept, acknowledge, learn and move on your life takes on a much more wonderful quality.

When you give yourself permission to screw up or fail it takes the sting out of it. You will find yourself hurting less and feeling better more frequently. Attitude is important. It makes all the difference in the world. Keep on making mistakes and keep on learning and growing!” Rex Sikes

Have a wonderful day!

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How To Become A Real Winner

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invest in yourself

“What do you think and believe before going into your day? When you get up in the morning do you expect it to be a good or not so good day? Do expect to find smiles mostly or frowns?

Do you plan to be delighted or disappointed? When you play a game do you expect to win or to lose? What do you anticipate? What do you think and believe before going into it?

Do you expect traffic to be a bear or do you expect to enjoy the drive regardless? Do you expect to encounter friendly people and co-workers or ones who aggravate? Do you think of the world as a friendly wonderful place or a hard, cold, cruel one?

Will you profit during a bad economy or lose money? Are you going to book the role in that play or movie or will someone else? Are you going to do your best or not?

Your Expectations Set The Frame

According to researchers much of what happens is due to what we expect to happen. What we believe, think or expect shapes how we react or respond to that ‘reality’ out there. They also suggest that much of that outer reality is actually a reflection of what we do inside our minds. Our perceptions create our reality.

In other words, what we expect to find we may find. What we don’t expect to find we most likely won’t encounter. Yes, there may always be some surprises.

When you feel positive and expect that you are going to win you are much more likely to. When you feel positive and expect to have a great day it makes all the difference in how you experience the day.

When you are positive that you will accomplish your goal; you know in your heart and mind it is possible to do so and you anticipate making it happen, you are much more likely to.

Expect To Win

Our mindset is comprised of our beliefs of what we think is possible or not. It is made up of our attitude whether positive or negative. It is determined by our thoughts whether we think something will be easy or hard.

Positive thinking IS about finding a mindset that serves you well and helps you to feel better. The higher quality your thoughts the better you feel. The better you feel the more you can accomplish.

When you expect or anticipate the outcome you are seeing it in your mind happening as you want it to happen. You imagine it as already already done. You have it ! You see yourself winning. You see yourself as having won.

Your brain knows the outcome you desire and what to do about it when you repeatedly give it the same strong message and images over and over. That is why positively charged emotional repetition is important. Your brain accepts your feelings and images as real.

It knows how to align your inner resources for you to do your best. Your thoughts, feelings and behaviors all work together for that outcome. You are congruent. There is no worry, no doubt or fear, no split in your attention. You are of one mind – the winning mind.

It is easier to win if you expect to win. WHEN you EXPECT to win you already KNOW you are going to win. Your focus is not on winning, because that is a ‘given’, but on doing what is necessary to insure the win.

Your expectations set the frame for you to behave appropriately, to carry out the activities, in alignment with what you expect.

You can expect to win and still lose but at least you will have tried your best. Focusing on ‘I am going to lose, we are going to lose’ insures the inevitable. Focusing on what you need to do to win, knowing you are able to, makes it much more likely that you will.

If you know you can win; if you never quit but  keep on going you will.

How You Begin Winning

Use Directed Questions™ to fill your mind with positive power and energy. Direct your mind repeatedly to what it is you want. Fill your mind with questions that lead you to where you want to go. Questions are powerful because your mind continues to work on them after you ask them and it IS the natural way our minds work.

Use affirmations Affirm it to yourself. Repeat over and over that you are a winner (or whatever it is you want). Develop 5 or 10 that you repeatedly chant while feeling the best you can. Say them out load enthusiastically and powerfully. Feel wonderful while you do. Think about them when you can’t say them out loud.

Make Positive Mental Movies Make positive movies and pictures in your head and review these again. See yourself  looking, feeling and doing what  you want to be doing. Imagine the outcome you want as though you already have it. See, hear, feel everything you doing and how are you feeling when you ‘got it’. See, it, feel it, hear it.

Read and Listen to  inspirational and motivational material each day. Read whatever you are able to read. Don’t bite off more than you can chew. It is better to read less material more frequently than too much too little of the time. Read at least a page a day.

Practice Gratitude! Be grateful for where you are at. Be grateful for the progress you make. Be grateful for the challenges (muscles grow because of opposition, use the challenges as learning experiences). Celebrate and be grateful for everything. It improves your attitude and opens you up to more opportunity.

Isn’t It Difficult

Won’t it be hard? Well, if you don’t golf and you give it a try it will seem unfamiliar, difficult and you may not be very good at first. BUT if you desire to get good at golf you will do whatever it takes and you won’t stop doing those things that make you better. You will practice and play as much as you can. You will read about it watch it, get a coach and you will get better and better in time.

This is true about anything we want to do; sing, play piano, knit, ride a bike, drive, swim, play tennis, type, do mathematics, act, edit, write. It is the same process when we take control of our mind to develop a winning mindset!

Two Great Quotes

When you expect things to happen – strangely enough – they do happen. J.P. Morgan

Go as far as you can see; when you get there, you’ll be able to see farther. J.P. Morgan

You will make your dreams and your goals come about much more swiftly when all of you co-operates to bring them about. When you are congruent in your quest and all your thoughts, feelings, talents, and abilities, your resources, are aligned.

When you are of one powerful mindset, one determined attitude, you are unstoppable. You will keep going until you have what you want. The more you do, the further you go, the more you are able to do and the more you can keep on going,

Do whatever you can, even a little bit each day, to develop your attitude and turn yourself into a Can Do person and you will be surprised at how quickly it all takes hold.

Consistent, positive, correct repetition will develop the skills and habits you need to become a full time winner. Begin today and get a jump on making your dreams come true!” Rex Sikes

Have a fantastic day!

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Do This: You Must Speak This Way To Get Everything You Want!

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your mind is a garden

“How you say things to others does matter, right?  There are ways you can talk to someone that increases the likelihood you might get your way or what you want from them and then there are ways that decrease that likelihood, wouldn’t you agree? How you speak and how you approach someone matters, don’t you think?

Then why would be any different when we speak to ourselves? There are ways we can speak to insure we get what we want. There also are ways of speaking to ourselves to insure we won’t get what we want. This makes sense, right?

Speak Positively: Say What You Want

The best way to get what you want it to speak in positive terms. Phrase your language positively. Instead of pointing out what you don’t want point out what you do want.

Perhaps, you have heard this example. When you tell a child ‘don’t spill your milk’ what is the internal mental image the child has to make? The child sees herself spilling the milk.

Then what typically happens? What do you follow up with saying to the child? You typically say, ‘I told you not to spill your milk!’ Right? Because shortly after you said ‘don’t spill’ the child did.

If you tell someone, ‘don’t get mad at me’ what do they usually do? When you say ‘you never listen to me’ does it really help much. My guess, is at that point they start talking about how they do listen.

It is the same as with the example, ‘don’t think of an elephant’. Your mind responds to the language but doesn’t process the word don’t. It doesn’t take it as a command to NOT do something, it only understands what to do, ‘think of elephant’; ‘spill milk’; ‘never listen’.

It Matters What We Think And Say

How we say things to others matters! What we say to ourselves matters too! If you say, ‘don’t forget to pick up bread on the way home’ you forget just as easily as your partner does.

One way to combat this is to express both sides. If you catch yourself saying, ‘don’t forget’ then add ‘remember to get it’. ‘Don’t spill! Carry it carefully.’ This way the picture in their mind or yours is what you want it to be. You want them and you to picture what you want to have occur.

Brains work this way. They delete the negative words and take the rest as a command. This is why we need to focus on what we want and to state things in the positive. This is why we want to think positively. So that we get more of what we want to be, do and have!

While it is true that consciously you know what is meant by ‘don’t spill’ and you can successfully over ride the command and the internal image or representation to spill it, you still had to represent it to yourself. Your mind still made the pictures of you spilling it.

Your conscious mind is tiny by comparison to your unconscious, or subconscious, or other than conscious mind. You don’t want to fill your larger powerful subconscious mind with images of what you don’t want to happen for any reason. NO you want to fill this powerful mind with what you do want to happen! Get it?

Fill Your Subconscious With What You Want

You want to fill your subconscious mind with what you want to happen because your subconscious mind is a ‘servant mechanism’ or servo-mechanism. The main task it has IS to carry out and fulfill the commands you give it. What are you giving it most of the time?

Are you giving it what you want  so it can bring you more of what you want OR are you mostly focused on what you don’t want; fear, negativity, worry, lack, not having enough to make ends meet etc.

What you give it to work on it will deliver! Whichever dog you feed will live. You either plant food or poison. It is either positive or negative. Which energy ball is larger? Your positive ball of energy or your negative one? (see previous blogs for some of these references).

Phrase your language in the positive. Instead of saying, ‘don’t be late’ say ‘please be on time’. Get it? Instead of saying, ‘I’ll never lose weight’ say ‘I can eat healthy foods and feel proud.’ or ‘The more healthy I eat the more I feel great’. or ‘I can reach my ideal weight through right eating and exercising and feeling good’.

When you speak to yourself and others don’t blame, criticize or whine. Don’t point out what is wrong, what you don’t like or don’t want. Look for what is good and what is right, what you enjoy, what you want more of.

Speak Only To Bless, Heal And Prosper

Point out these things. Always speak only to bless, heal and prosper others and yourself. Keep you talk with others and your self-talk positive.

Tell your brain precisely what you want it to do, to pay attention to and to give you more of. Direct it positively by using positive language. Direct it by telling it what you do want. This is what affirmations are about.

Make the right mental images in your head so your brain knows what you want it to do. DO it over and over again until it becomes an automatic habit, second nature so you don’t have to think about it. Then you will be creating more of what you want more of the time and less of what you don’t want less of the time.

Do you get it? You become what you think about most often! You get what you focus on. What you think about you bring about. The dog you feed is the dog that lives! You reap what you sow. If you plant images in your head of what you don’t want and then you get that you really shouldn’t be surprised or dismayed.

Own Your Mind Own Your Behavior

Take control of your own mind and behavior. Put a guard before your lips and be careful what you think and say to yourself and others. Whatever you are thinking about and talking about you are bringing about. You are always creating!

So if you don’t like what you have, where you are at, your circumstances  or results you need to change what you are doing, saying and focused on to get the ones you do want.

Don’t delay Do it today! See how that works? Both sides represented. Always remember to direct your mind toward what you want it to do. Keep it simple.

As you would speak to a child;’walk carefully’. You wouldn’t say ‘navigate well the horrendous pitfalls along the walkway maintaining your balance by placing your center of gravity in such a way…’ you would say, ‘walk carefully’, or ‘walk tall’ or ‘stand up straight’ or ‘smile more’. or ‘think happy thoughts’. Keep it simple.

Be direct! Be positive. Speak in positive terms. Think positive. Fill your mind and hours with positivity and notice how wonderful your life becomes. Pay attention and delight in all the good things you notice. Celebrate and be filled with gratitude and your life will become beyond amazing!” Rex Sikes

How incredible can this day be?

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Affirmations, Attitude, Autosuggestion, Beliefs, Creating The Future, Directed Questions™, Focus, Habit Formation, Happiness, Learning, Mental Movie Theater, Personal Development, Positive Affirmations, Positive Thinking, Responsibility, Self Improvement, Self Talk, Success, Visualization

Did You Know You Hold The Power To Transform Your Life?

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“You may not realize it but did you know that you already hold the key to your transformation? You have it available and you use it every day but you haven’t used it in the powerful way you could be using it to get incredible results! Wouldn’t you like to know what it is so you could put it to work positively for you?

I bet you would. So here it is. In the past few blogs I brought up the transformative power of asking yourself Directed Questions™ to help you focus on and get what you want in life. Here is another article I wrote on the subject. All of my home study audios and videos from the 1980’s on include this powerful work. You can get this information and the power to change right now.

Why Affirmations Don’t Work And How You Can Replace Them With Directed Questions™ To Get The Results You Want

The way you feel and what you experience comes from where you focus your attention and determines how you are going to behave. Successful people know that you must control not only what you focus on but how you focus .

They have learned to take control of their emotions and run their own brain — that means taking control of what you are picturing in your mind and how you are picturing it, what you are saying to your self and how you are saying it. When you get control over these things, this will allow you to determine how you feel.

When you focus, you limit your attention. If you are not focused on success you will miss all the opportunities success brings. In life, we get what we focus on.

Remember this: What you focus on, you get.

People who do affirmations are wasting their time because they are actually setting up internal conflicts that cause them to activate the opposite of what they want! When people look into the mirror and say, “In every day and in every way, I am getting better and better,” a part of their mind comes back and says, “bull!”

Doesn’t it? It is just like if I told you that you have a blue shirt on when you actually have a red one on! I say, “nice blue shirt” and you say, “it’s not blue, it’s red.” Then I say, “it’s blue”, and you say “no, it’s red” … we could go on like this forever… which is exactly what happens for most people when they do affirmations.

Instead of engaging yourself in this confrontive struggle with yourself, you could begin to ask yourself questions instead. Questions will always get you an answer. Questions change what you focus on.

They get you to focus on either what is good about you, your environment, or your behavior, or what is bad about you, your environment, or your behavior. An affirmation in the form of a question is 300 or 400 times more effective and will literally train your brain to translate the affirmations into your behavior.

Why Questions are More Powerful than Affirmations

Brains learn quickly to move in directions. Questions direct the mind. They divide experience and lead our attention. Questions demand an answer. And since it is a question which our brain may not know the answer to yet, it will search to give us an answer.

If, when we ask the question, we include more of what we want in our life, our brain will search to provide us with those things which we included in our question and the answer.

Asking yourself questions is one of the greatest things you can learn for yourself. Questions set your reality. Think about it. If I say, “what did you do on Friday?” Where does your mind go? It goes to look for an answer. If I say “how old are you?” You know the answer. If I say, “what did you do last summer?”, “What is your occupation?”, “Who was your best friend when you were a child?”… You are causing your mind to come up with an answer.

Sometimes you won’t have the answer right away. Sometimes you may have to ask another question like, “gee, who was it?” You are sending your mind in a direction.

According to anthropologists, people are “meaning makers.” In other words, people will ask themselves “what does this mean to me?”, “what is in it for me?”, or “what should I do?” It is the questions we ask ourselves that create meaning for ourselves. And you have a choice as to what exactly those questions are going to be.

Are you going to ask yourself questions that get you bad results, like “how come I’m so stupid?” or are you going to ask yourself questions that get you good results like “how soon will I begin to realize how wonderful I am?”

The kinds of things you ask yourself are critical. If you say “gee, how come I am so stupid?”, your brain goes “because when you were a child you didn’t eat Wheaties, you didn’t have corn flakes, you didn’t grow up right and it was your parents fault.” Or because “you are a slow learner” — because someone told you that when you were a child. Or because “you aren’t disciplined enough”, or “you have great potential but you’ll never really amount to anything”…

Whatever it might be, when you say “how come I’m like this?”, your brain will answer and it will come up with a reason no matter how logical or illogical it is. The number one thing in our culture, bar none is that when someone in our culture says “why” someone says “because”.

When you say to yourself, “I don’t understand this” or “I don’t get it” you are reinforcing anything that you do not understand yet. You are making it much tougher on yourself . You are impeding your learning. On the other hand, if you say, “I wonder how soon before this begins to make sense? I wonder how quickly before I am going to be delighted in discovering what is new about this? I wonder how soon before I delight and amaze myself?” you begin to send your brain in the direction that is useful for you.

As you ask yourself those questions, your brain may not come up with the quick “because” answer because you are posing a question to yourself that you don’t yet know the answer to. Wouldn’t it be a lot more fun finding out? Wouldn’t it be a lot more interesting to think “gee, I wonder how exquisitely talented I can become? I wonder how I can use language to do things that I never yet before considered possible?

I wonder who I am going to find that presents a challenge and I wonder how I am going to delight and amaze myself in overcoming that challenge and doing that in ways that I never before thought possible?” Does that sound like a more useful way to begin looking at the world? … a more useful way, a way that brings you more delight, more pleasure and speeds up the amount of time in which you learn anything?

We have told ourselves a lot of things in our lives. A lot of them aren’t even true. In Mind Design™, what we want to do is get your whole mind, your whole brain, your whole being moving in a direction that as you move in that direction you pick up the kind of things you want to be doing.

You pick up the skills you want to have. You practice, you use them, and you find out how they contribute to your being, how you contribute to others, how you move through the world with these win/win outcomes and make your life and the lives of those around you a lot more fun!

During the Mind Design™ program, you are going to learn a way to ask yourself the kind of questions that get you the results you want. To be truly successful, fulfilled and secure, you must make a habit of asking the kinds of questions that give you power, drive and energy.

For now, I want you to commit to making a change for yourself, commit to your goals and commit to asking yourself a new set of questions. By doing this, you will be able to succeed in your goals beyond your wildest expectations.

You are already asking yourself questions every moment of the day. If you say “yes, Rex, That’s true” or “no Rex that is not true”… the only way you could answer that is by having asked yourself a question!

For at least the next 21 days, I want you to ask yourself a different set of questions first thing every morning, before going to bed and any moment you can throughout the day.

You will want to write them down, carry them with you, pin them up where you will see them and be reminded to ask. Remember what you do now determines the quality of your future. The quality of your life depends on the quality of the questions you ask.

Some Sample Questions

How come I am so lucky?
Why am I so wonderful?
What new wonderful things will I discover?
How can I become thinner and enjoy the process?
I wonder in how many ways I can become better and better?
I wonder how quickly I can achieve my ideal weight?
Which sensation in my body feels the very best right now?
How quickly will I begin to learn these new skills?
How naturally and easily will I begin to pay attention to pleasant feelings?
How soon will I begin to notice with delight how happy I can become?

Using Questions With Others To Be More Persuasive

In the same way that you ask yourself questions that direct your mind, you can use questions to direct the mind of your customers an clients. The mind is easily programmed and lead to make decisions within the options that are given.

Some Sample Questions

Would you like to order your dessert now or when you have your coffee?
Is this cash or charge?
When customers are asked “would you like a large or small coke?” most take a small. However when asked, “would you like a large one?” most take a large.
Do you realize how excited it is going to be when you take this vacation?
How quickly can we finish our meeting?
In how many different ways are you going to enjoy this house?

Well, there you have it again. Have you discovered yet the power of asking yourself powerful Directed Questions™. Why did I call them Directed Questions™? Because that is what they are! You direct your attention to what you want instead of focusing on what you don’t want. I hope you will enjoy the power of these powerful questions all the time every day!” Rex Sikes

In how many different ways can you delight and amaze yourself today?

Subscribe and Follow Daily Inspiration and Gratitude! Visit often. Feel free to comment. If you think others would benefit please share this blog with others. Give a gift that keeps on giving!