Category Archives: Decision

Do This Whenever You Feel Like Giving In, Giving Up or Quitting!

horizon sun rays clouds pathway

“Do you ever feel tired and want to throw in the towel? It seems like you have struggled for so long and your efforts just aren’t paying off. The days seem arduous and hardly worth it at times. You want to quit? Have you felt this way? It’s tough sometimes to smile and plod your way ahead. Sometimes you just want to give up, right!

Well, don’t!

Keep going!

Stop sniveling right there!

There are so many people who have faced incredible odds and who kept going and who persevered no matter what.  The problems, you and I face, what most of us face, while difficult yes, it isn’t a fraction of what others have  suffered through and triumphed over.

There is no failure if you keep going. There is only failure if you quit. Yes, you may feel like quitting a million times but hang in there. Tomorrow IS another day.

Sadly, we are so conditioned, growing up, expecting bad things and worse things that we often fail to realize that good things can also spontaneously, seemingly miraculously happen any instant. We don’t only have to be bothered by ‘bad news’ perhaps we could be plagued by good news.

Life IS what we make it. Expect good things and the best from yourself and you are much more apt to find these. Develop an indomitable spirit, cultivate a winning, champion attitude and a self confidence that moves you forward. Realize you can do! You can do anything you set your mind to do.

Or you can give up. I say, don’t quit!

Prevail! Be the victor!

Make what you want happen in spite of the challenges and obstacles. Stop focusing on what you don’t want, the hardship. Stop taking a bath in the crap. Get out, rinse off and get going forward.

What I used to think was, ‘if it could only be easier.’ I thought then everything would be great. I’d be happy and positive. Then I realized being happy and positive wasn’t only for the easy times it was to see me through the difficult times.

If I could be happy and positive when things weren’t going well then I had truly learned to live well.

Then I could be happier and positive more of the time. Then most of the time I could enjoy because my happiness and positivity wasn’t dependent on what was going on on the outside. If it were, then I would not have benefited much. I’d be a fair weather positive thinker, feeling good only when times were good.

The key is to learn to feel good no matter what the times are like.

It may be a difficult lesson to learn but it can be learned. The right attitude can see us through all sorts of times. We don’t have to be tired and defeated when times are hard we can be happy through them. Sure, we may feel like we want to quit. Don’t!

Instead, learn to transform those feelings into the means to take hold of your life and live as a champion. Live as a gladiator. Come through serious battle proud because it is a test of your mettle. Without challenge you wouldn’t be a victor. Without the troubles the good times wouldn’t mean much either.

You become what you think about most during your day.

What occupies your thoughts and feelings is what you get back. You create, attract or make happen what you enjoy most or fear most. The point is you are the chooser. You are the one who decides where to place your attention.

Use good taste.  Use good judgement. No more crap baths!

Focus on the positive, the ‘I can do anything’, the good, strong, powerful thoughts and feelings and keep your attention there. Magnify these, enjoy these, bask in these and you will get through tough times. You will transform your work,  your play and your life. You will make for yourself a life worth living! Celebrate It! Celebrate everything!” Rex Sikes

Notice something? It is an entirely new and different day! What is good and new about it?

PS YOU may know someone who could really benefit from hearing this message. Feel free to share this with them via social media or email. Buttons below make it easy for you to do so.

PSS  A great practice is read the posts daily and then go back and re-read from time to time. You will discover things you missed the first few readings. Try it, you will be surprised.

Subscribe and Follow Daily Inspiration and Gratitude!  Visit often. Feel free to comment. If you think others would benefit please share this blog with others.

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*Horizons photo used with permission of Phil Koch.

HEADS UP!!!  COMING VERY SOON –  Daily Inspiration And Gratitude’s new home.  A new URL, a new look and feel. All this and new content will be at new site. Some of you get this blog emailed to you,

I don’t know whether that will continue or not. You will be able to subscribe to the blog and my new newsletter. Please stay with us. I’d hate to lose you or have you miss any blog you want to receive. I’ll let you know when the change is taking place.

Stop That! Do This Instead! It Makes All The Difference!

horizon grey swirl cloud

“Have you ever wondered why you keep getting the same ole, same ole? Have you ever been concerned with why you seem stuck and can’t advance very fast in career or in life?

If you don’t like your present circumstances and wish they would go away then you need to understand how you are contributing to getting what you do not want.

Go back and re-read that. Yup, you may be contributing to precisely what you don’t want.

If you are screaming ‘NO!’ at what you do not want you are NOT pushing it away. You are giving it energy. You are actually attracting and creating and feeding what you do not want.

Whatever you are trying to leave behind, escape from or get over, whatever you attention is on, you are magnifying and making bigger and perhaps even worse. Certainly, you are getting more of the same.

Whatever has your primary attention; whatever you focus on, think about, puzzle over, worry about most is what runs the show. What ever is most dominant in your mind, most of the time, is what you are feeding and putting energy into and growing more of.

Those are the very seeds you are planting. Whenever you whine, blame, criticize yourself or others you are planting negative seeds that will grow and blossom as sure as anything else.

Whenever you spend time feeling dour, sour, negative and yucky you are keeping everything the same and then getting more of it.

Whenever you are doing something that isn’t working to get you the results you want two powerful words come to mind: STOP IT!!!!  Then START focusing on what you do want instead!!!

In order to change and get more of what you want you have to be focused on and say ‘yes’ to what it is you DO want. You have to know what it is you DO want and focus on this. You do not focus on what you do not want or what you are trying to avoid. PUT ALL YOUR ENERGY AND ATTENTION ON what you want!!!

You have to feel good and delight in it. Feed the wonderful thoughts and feelings and those will grow and blossom. Nurture the best, the finest, the most wonderful and you will get more back in return.

Use your imagination to visualize what you want, see it and enjoy it! Speak nicely to yourself and others. Feel the most wonderful delicious feelings. Let yourself feel grand and delight in all things!

Stop paying attention to all that is wrong and troublesome in your past and your present life. Stop worrying about what is wrong in the world and start celebrating and noticing what is right.

Put your energy into positive, happy, wonderful moments. Emphasize these when you talk about your life and the world!

Appreciate what you have and who you are and what you do. Celebrate, feel blessed and keep your attention on the most wonderful thoughts and feelings and you will get what you want.

You will attract, feed, create, make happen all the good things. Don’t you think it is about time you get what you deserve to get? Enjoy life and feel blessed!” Rex Sikes

In how many different ways do you think you can amaze yourself today?

PS YOU may know someone who could really benefit from hearing this message. Feel free to share this with them via social media or email. Buttons below make it easy for you to do so.

PSS  A great practice is read the posts daily and then go back and re-read from time to time. You will discover things you missed the first few readings. Try it, you will be surprised.

Subscribe and Follow Daily Inspiration and Gratitude!  Visit often. Feel free to comment. If you think others would benefit please share this blog with others.

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*Horizons photo used with permission of Phil Koch.

HEADS UP!!!  COMING VERY SOON –  Daily Inspiration And Gratitude’s new home.  A new URL, a new look and feel. All this and new content will be at new site. Some of you get this blog emailed to you,

I don’t know whether that will continue or not. You will be able to subscribe to the blog and my new newsletter. Please stay with us. I’d hate to lose you or have you miss any blog you want to receive. I’ll let you know when the change is taking place.

Do You Keep Doing This Without Taking The Credit?

horizons horses

“Do you know what most people seem to miss? It is right there, right under their nose and yet they miss this critical piece. Somehow they just don’t realize, or if they do, they don’t own up to it.

Most people seem to miss that they have choice. They miss that they are making countless decisions day in and day out based on choices. The are making some very deliberate conscious choices and many subconscious, unconscious choices.

Meanwhile, they think they are a victim of circumstances. I’ll tell you what you can’t change. The weather. If it is going to rain it is likely it is going to rain. If it is going to snow it most likely will snow.

You can’t change it but you can chose how you will respond to it. You have a choice. You don’t have to like it or dislike it you can chose how to feel about it. It is completely up to you.

What is needed is for each of us to see and to realize that we are the person who is doing the choosing. You are determining what you put in your latte. You pick your route to school or work or how you get there. You choose what you have to eat.

You may say the donut called out to you and you could not resist but no one held your arms down and force fed you the donut. It only seemed that way. Right there is the key. It SEEMS like you don’t have choice but you actually do.

You live as if you don’t choose but you are choosing all along. IT JUST DOESN’T SEEM LIKE IT because you have gone about it without awareness.

Take stock of how many decisions you make each day. Write them down keep a tally. How many decisions do you make from hot or cold coffee to the large ones that influence you and others? Become acutely aware of each and every time you decide something.

Be tough on yourself don’t let any sneak by you. DO your best to notice each one. Become accustomed to the many decision you make. Take a few days and track all your decisions. Record all of your choices. Notice all the choice points in each day.

Discover that you are making decisions. You are deciding between alternatives. You are choosing. Recognize this and realize this. Take responsibility for the decisions you made. Claim your power do not give it away.

Do not give it to others, events or circumstances. Take responsibility (another decision). Decide to live as someone who chooses. Live as a victor, a champion. You are at the mercy of no one and no thing. Stop giving away your power.

Some will claim it isn’t them choosing it is their brain choosing for them. That somehow they don’t have control. That is a habit, a choice you made that you keep making over and over until you lost that distinction. Now you make it automatically.

You can learn to make new habits and make new decisions. Might it be tough? Sure it might. It might be easy. You decide. What is it going to be? Stop making excuses or blaming and start living from your power. If you don’t know where that is yet, decide to look for it.

Decide to keep looking until you find it and befriend it again. Decide to keep going no matter what until you get what you want. Decide to stop living in fear and failure and live in confidence and success.

You say you don’t know how. Well, decide to learn how! C’mon stop playing around and take charge of your life. No one and no thing is running your life but you. You may not have been very great at it up until now but you can be. Tomorrow is a new day.

Decide to learn to run your life better. Decide to fill your life with fun, passion, confidence and ecstasy. No one can live your life for you. Don’t you think it is time you start living your life for yourself? It is your decision. Make it today!” Rex Sikes

Celebrate each moment!

PS YOU may know someone who could really benefit from hearing this message. Feel free to share this with them via social media or email. Buttons below make it easy for you to do so.

PSS  A great practice is read the posts daily and then go back and re-read from time to time. You will discover things you missed the first few readings. Try it, you will be surprised.

Subscribe and Follow Daily Inspiration and Gratitude!  Visit often. Feel free to comment. If you think others would benefit please share this blog with others.

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*Horizons photo used with permission of Phil Koch.

HEADS UP!!!  Soon Daily Inspiration And Gratitude will have a new home.  A new URL, a new look and feel. All this content and new content will be delivered there. Some of you get this blog emailed to you,

I don’t know whether that will continue or not. I do know you will be able to subscribe to the blog and my new newsletter. I hope you will stay with us. I’d hate to lose you or have you miss any blog you want to receive. So will you stay with me?  I sure want you to. I’ll let you know when the change is taking place.

Do This To Feel Better, Be Happier & Have More Fun!

horizon clouds flowers

“Do you wish you felt better? Would you like to? Is your thinking and feeling bring you down? Many people are just plain tired. It is true. Times can be tough and you may feel that way but that is not your only choice. There are other ways of being, did you realize that?

If you want your life to change you have to change some things in your life. You cannot continue doing the same things and expect it to be different. It just works that way. What you can do and what you must do is make a decision. If anything is to change you are the one who has to change it. Everything can begin to change once you decide.

TODAY live your life fully!

Today! See how much gusto and delight you can have. Why not? It is your life and your day!

If you answered why you can’t then realize YOU provided a reason why YOU would CHOOSE to limit your fun and delight. That IS your decision. Think about that a moment. Realize if the answer you supplied says you can’t or shouldn’t it does not have to be the case. It could be any other way! Do you realize this?

You may have said, ‘I can’t have fun at work’. Well, who says? The boss, your co-workers, a sign the wall. WHO specifically states you can’t have fun while working? Do you say that? Who is it that says no fun while working.

You can always have fun. You know that don’t you? You can secretly have fun. No one needs to know you are having fun but you! You don’t have to put on a party hat and run wild. You can have fun in other ways. So why not have some fun?

If you said, ‘I am too busy’, then find a way to have fun on your way to pee. For goodness sakes, if you are missing out because you believe your reasons well then you are TRULY missing out.

There are 60 seconds a minute, 60 minutes and hour, 24 hours in a day certainly you can find some time in all those minutes to have more fun.

Who Tells You What To Do?

Who dictates that you must be serious all day long all week long? C’mon, lighten up and loosen up. How much gusto and delight can you have today? What can you do to smile and enjoy the day more? What little things can you take notice of that bring you joy?

Some people think unless it is a monumental moment it doesn’t count. They are wrong. Joy, delight, surprises, fun comes in all sizes, shapes, ages, colors, places and times. Let go. Let go!

I am not saying raucously abandon your responsibilities and tie one on. I am suggesting you find ways to lighten your load and enjoy each moment more. It is completely possible, even if you don’t believe it yet or are currently filled with reasons why you can’t.

Realize this: whatever reason you have for not living fully at any given moment are YOUR reasons for not doing it. Wherever they came from, whomever you learned them from, doesn’t matter.

Live More Totally Today

You, and you alone are stopping yourself from feeling wonderful because YOU THINK there are reasons not to. You think there is something more important that.

You may blame others, or blame rules but the bottom line is there is no reason for you NOT to feel good other than you have decided not to. Get that! This is important! Whatever is or isn’t going on you can absolutely feel good if you want to. It is up to you and I know many people still won’t accept that.

Live more fully today. Lighten up, have fun. Feel good. Seize the moment and delight it it!

You can do this, can you not? If you can’t yet then you must soon find  a way. Hang out with ‘groovy’ fun people. YES, I used the word groovy. You know what I mean. Spice it up, add some umph to your moments, surround yourself with smiles and well-being. Hang with positive, upbeat energetic people. FIND THEM!!!

You can be more peaceful and relax more too. Fun doesn’t have to be a zillion volts charging through you. Some people have fun fishing, or going to the library or sitting on a beach. Other people like to walk or ride a bike. Expand your definition of fun and gusto and delight. I know you don’t live in a beer commercial.

You Only Have One Life

Add in pleasure! Smile, laugh, let go, enjoy. Help someone else feel good too. Add in more moments where you feel the finest. ‘Meh’ should not be an option. Transform the tiniest moments and get into the habit of doing so. Then move onto larger moments. Soon more and more of you day will be uplifting and vibrant.

Live! You only have one life, as far as we are sure of, so enjoy it. Descartes said, ‘I think therefore I am.’ He is right. What we think creates our reality. I have always maintained, ‘I am therefore I think’. Because I live I think. What I think determines how I live. We can not escape the power of our thoughts.

So if life isn’t all that you want it to be. YOU can begin to make it more of what you want when you harness your thoughts. Prune your thoughts and think only the best most positive ones.

When you manage you thoughts you become capable of anything. Remember, it is YOU who thinks thoughts so run them how YOU see fit. Do not let thoughts run you.

Find The Right Reasons

Find more reasons to have gusto and delight and fun today. Give yourself good reason to let go and enjoy. Do it safely, appropriately, wherever you are. You don’t have to not feel good for any reason.

In spite of where you are, what is going on, who you are with you can still feel good. You don’t have to act like a greeting card to feel wonderful. Use common sense but delight yourself and celebrate.

HAVE MORE DELIGHT! RUN YOUR BRAIN! CONTROL YOUR THOUGHTS AND LIVE FROM YOUR POWER!

Stop being weak, making excuses, blaming, or living as a victim. Put a smile on your lips, your shoulders back, chin out and move into the world with purpose to delight. Have fun and delight others. Enjoy! Celebrate. Make it count!” Rex Sikes

Make each moment majestic today!

Subscribe and Follow Daily Inspiration and Gratitude!  Visit often. Feel free to comment. If you think others would benefit please share this blog with others.

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*Horizons photo used with permission of Phil Koch.

HEADS UP!!!  Soon Daily Inspiration And Gratitude will have a new home.  A new URL, a new look and feel. All this content and new content will be delivered there. Some of you get this blog emailed to you,

I don’t know whether that will continue or not. I do know you will be able to subscribe to the blog and my new newsletter. I hope you will stay with us. I’d hate to lose you or have you miss any blog you want to receive. So will you stay with me?  I sure want you to. I’ll let you know when the change is taking place.

What Your Body Language Reveals About You? Others Can Tell!

"Scarlett"From an article by Jim Stingl...."Sarah Platka is haunted by one particular sunrise, Aug. 17, 2011, and she is hoping someone around here photographed it."......... I did, I just never posted it, so here it is.She and her husband, Nate Weber, of South Milwaukee, had a baby that morning one year ago today, and the sunrise over Lake Michigan was so red and spectacular that it inspired the name they gave their daughter, Scarlett Lucia (Lucia means light in Italian).Ñ with Annette Kelley and Pat Landsel. Photo by Phil Koch

“Did you know people see the real you even if you attempt to hide it? At the very least they see someone attempting to hide. You do realize this, don’t you? It would be far better to live authentically, would it not? Wouldn’t it be great to live with less worry and fear?

What might it be like to move through the world more confidently? Can you imagine?  How wonderful would it be if you felt courageous most of the time? What if you were able to make things happen in positive ways? Wouldn’t that be grand?

You could be happier, healthier, wealthier and more successful. You can, you know. It is far simpler than most people believe. All you have to do is implement some easy things and keep doing them until they become habit. It is that simple.

My recent blog post was about living assertive and assured because it is important to have faith and be confident. I shared with you how you can use your mental movie theater, your imagination, to begin to become more positive and powerful. You use your mind to produce the wonderful feelings that are important to live from.

Use Your Mind And Your Words For Positive Change

You can and should use affirmations, Directed Questions™, or positive self-talk to move you forward. What you think and say to yourself is critical. It means the difference between being a success or failure, champion or loser. Think and speak only to bless, heal and prosper yourself and others. Be careful of your thoughts and words.

You will not be a success, or happy or a champion ragging and nagging on yourself all day long. The outer you will demonstrate to the world what goes on inside you. Everyone will see the way you think and feel by how you act and move.

You need positive, powerful, supportive, nurturing images, words and feelings to feel successful, happy and a champion. When your thoughts, words and feelings are aligned you are congruent.

You are most powerful and capable when congruent. It shows in your eyes and body. It is noticeable when you speak. It is evident how you sit, move and use your body. It is as if every atom of your being is charged with power. You and others will see and feel it.

There is a soft-spoken form of quiet self confidence one can recognize. This person is completely filled with presence. This person is completely present, in the here and now, and engaged.

How You Move And Speak Reflects Your Inner State Of Being

You can tell the person is congruent by the sound of their voice, the firmness and the look in the eye. Everything about this person communicates ‘I believe in and mean my message.’ or ‘I am who I say I am. I believe in myself.’

This person, when communicating with you, looks you straight in the eye, maybe looks right into your heart. You know it when you encounter it. They are right there with you totally here and now. They are alive yet completely calm. Relaxed yet vibrant!

The energy from them is strong and focused. There is no distraction. There is a steady, calm, confident assurance. If you have ever encountered a someone with immense personal power you will understand what I am speaking of.

The confident person’s posture is strong and tall. Shoulders are back, chin is out, eyes are forward. The confident person moves with purpose. Confident people tend to smile more. Why not? They know who they are and are proud and pleased. They smile because they feel good and feel like smiling.

This person speaks with authority or confidence. Nothing  about it is hostile or demanding. Their tone can be very pleasant but it commands you to listen. The person speaks so you can hear but not loud unless giving a speech. This person is assertive, and can be gentle and caring or passionate and persuasive.

You can easily tell this person believes in him or herself. You can tell how the person looks; the look in their eyes; on their face; how the person sits, moves, stands and behaves. You can tell by the volume, rate and tempo when they speak. You know by the quality of the voice and firmness. Everything points in one direction – confidence.

Mind And Body Affect Each Other – They Are One

Your mind affects your body. What you think shows up in how you approach the world. It shows up in your posture and how you sit, stand, move and act. It shows on your face because your thoughts and feelings are intimately wired neurologically.

If you think weak, tired thoughts you feel that way and act that way. People easily recognize when someone thinks self defeating thoughts, or is worried, fearful or sad. They show it. They behave it. Their defeated thinking and feeling  is reflected in everything they do. How do people see you? What are you demonstrating everyday?

People also easily recognize courageous, confident, successful, and happy people. They show it. They behave it! Their positive thinking and feeling is reflected in everything they do as well. Do people see you as someone happy and successful, confident and together, or not? How do people see you? What are you demonstrating?

We cannot easily hide what goes on inside us. Some do try, though, it is true. People try to mask their emotions which means others see the mask. They may not see the real you but they do notice the phony mask. This is no way to live. You are most attractive when you are genuinely you. Learn to live happily and with courage!

Since our mind and body are intimately wired we can use our thoughts to affect our body or our body to affect our thoughts. If we stand tall, and move with confidence and smile more we will feel more confident and brave. Do it! Keep doing it during the day!

Our primitive brains react to stimuli, real or perceived, by fight, freeze, or flight. If you allow your primitive brain to rule you your life will be ruled mostly by fear. It will not be within your control it will control you.  Many people live this way but this is no way to live.

In reality, there is little to fear in this day and age. Far fewer worries than when you had to avoid being devoured by a predator in the wild. That is what your primitive brain was useful for. Today, it is important to learn more appropriate ways to respond to life situations. You don’t have to react with fear or worry.

How You Use Your Body Affects You

Learn to stand tall and smile. Learn to walk, move, stand and speak with confidence and courage. Your body is intimately wired to your thoughts.  Use your posture purposefully. This is the way you can control and even neutralize the primitive brain. Smile, Smile, Smile!

Simply by using your body in this manner you can make very positive changes. You will think and feel better, You will be more confident. When you do some vigorous exercise shortly after dragging your butt from bed, complaining you are too tired, you become more alive and alert and feel better. You shake and wake things up!

How you utilize the mind affects the body. Think and affirm confident and courageous thoughts and you will stand, walk, move and speak more powerfully and assertively. Mind and body go hand in hand. Use both. Adjust your attitude and your body language!

You will be far more powerful and able to take advantage of possibilities and make things happen when you use your mind and body together productively. People will respond to you in positive ways when you exude a positive, friendly, fearless attitude.

This is why successful people look and sound and behave successfully. Their thoughts and feelings and body language are congruent. You are  much more powerful when your totality is aligned. Then you can relax and be completely you! No mask.

Power Comes From Aligning Your Thoughts Words And Body

When you are purposeful and deliberate, courageous and confident you become unstoppable because you know you will prevail no matter what. Every neuron, every cell, every fiber of your being works together to accomplish it. You are focused, determined and living purposefully. Others will see the real you!

You will discover your power can be unlimited. You will find you notice and take advantage of opportunities and circumstances you may otherwise have missed. You will attract other positive people to you. Overall your well-being, your health and life improve!

So do not put it off another day. Adjust your thinking and Aadjust your posture. OR adjust your posture and adjust your thinking. Work on both. Use the tools, the methods, the approaches I have shared with you in these blog pages. Continue to read. Go back and read through the other pages too. Re-read again and again.

You will discover so many positive benefits when you act on the information shared here. If you will just put it into practice you will transform your life incredibly. If you wait and debate you will remain the same. For you to change yourself and your life, if you want to, you must decide to act. It is simple and it is completely up to you!” Rex Sikes

Have a passionate play day!!!

Subscribe and Follow Daily Inspiration and Gratitude!  Visit often. Feel free to comment. If you think others would benefit please share this blog with others.

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*Horizons photo used with permission of Phil Koch.

HEADS UP!!!  Soon Daily Inspiration And Gratitude will have a new home.  A new URL, a new look and feel. All this content and new content will be delivered there. Some of you get this blog emailed to you,

I don’t know whether that will continue or not. I do know you will be able to subscribe to the blog and my new newsletter. I hope you will stay with us. I’d hate to lose you or have you miss any blog you want to receive. So will you stay with me?  I sure want you to. I’ll let you know when the change is taking place.

How To Stop Blaming And Start Living

Phil Koch horizon songs of the setting

“How do you respond when someone lets you down? What do you do?  Have you ever blamed or accused them? Did you later regret it? Have you accused, blamed or found fault with your children when what you really want to do is simply love and nurture them?

We don’t want to blame our kids, do we? Perhaps, you blamed your spouse, of life partner, a sibling or friends. Did it help or make things worse?  Usually, it really doesn’t help, does it?  Would you like to find a way to help you respond differently?

In my last blog I shared with you some ideas for putting a stop to self blame and working to follow through on promises you make. I hope you will put the information into practice. That is the proper use of knowledge. To use it! Today I’ll share some on how to ease up on others.

Stop Blaming Others

Nobody likes to be blamed.! Find a way to stop. It may sound easier to do than in actual reality but you can make this change if you really want to. Intense desire for change makes it all the more possible.

When you are sick and tired of the old way being and positive you want to move forward in a new way that makes it much more likely. You have to want it! That is important. Extremely important!

Okay, for example: There are times when others promise you something but drop the ball. They promise you but do not follow through. It may feel good to hurl insults at them and accuse them and tell them how let down you are but it accomplishes little.

In the short term you may have the upper hand but it rarely helps you get what you want it to.  It is mostly just a way to punish. Your ego may be satisfied but nothing else changes. So do something else!

The key to changing behaviors is changing your mindset. Since thought precedes actions working with your thoughts is the place to begin. Most people can use a positive attitude adjustment anyway.

Determine What You Want

First, you know what it is you want to change or eliminate or at least do less of. You have identified the unwanted behavior. Great, now let it go and identify the behavior you want to do instead. What do you want? This is what you focus on from here on out.

You shift your focus away from blame and to what you want to do instead. Perhaps, it is to understand better; listen attentively; be compassionate; or act more loving. Focus on the replacement behavior not the behavior you wish to eliminate.

When traveling you think of your destination and where you want to go. You determine where you want to end up. You can’t be focused on the city you left, looking back at it and move forward at the same time. You have to look towards where you want to go. Steer yourself towards what you want.

You have to want to change. I already said that, but it is important! Really want it and know what you want.

Phrase It In The Positive

What you think and say is important. It is critical. What you say is a reflection of what you think and feel. Words have their own creative power. So you want to state what you want positively. You need to phrase it in positive words. ‘I want to eat healthy food’ rather than ‘I won’t eat donuts’.

You want the mental image to be of what you want. You want healthy food. You want to eat healthy. You want to eat correctly. You want to eat to maintain your ideal weight. This is what you keep in mind and affirm to yourself.

When you say, ‘I don’t want to eat donuts’ or ‘I won’t eat donuts’ What do you picture in your mind? Donuts!  All you end up thinking about are donuts. Remember, we get what we focus on. We become what we think about. It is no different than saying, ‘don’t think of a purple elephant wearing a yellow hat’. Ooops too late.

Since the mind doesn’t process negative language, ‘don’t, won’t, will not’ etc., you want to be certain you phrase your positive affirmation the way the mind processes.  State, ‘I want to breath freely’ not ‘I want to quit smoking’. ‘I want to listen for understanding’ rather than ‘I won’t blame’.

Speak Only To Bless, Heal And Prosper

Don’t get hung by your own tongue! What we think about is what we talk about. What we say has power too. If we talk about negative things or talk negatively about things we get that negativity back.

If you state, ‘I am unlucky’, or ask yourself, ‘why am I so unlucky’ your brain will deliver the answers. Most likely will be more than one because the brain won’t stop at just one example of ‘why’.

If you say, ‘I dread tomorrow’ or ‘I’m having a bad day’ you will. You get back what you put out there. Stop it and make it a point to only speak that which blesses, heals and prospers you and others. You can’t be blaming yourself or others if you can only bless, heal and prosper.

Restrict yourself to find only the best things to think and say. It will take some time to form the habit but you can do it if you want to. Correct repetition repeated frequently for long enough is how we form any habit. People form bad habits and good habits the same way. It is time to start forming some positive productive habits.

Take Responsibility

You are responsible for your own feelings. If someone lets you down it is up to you how you chose to respond. If you react out of anger and blame them you are not taking responsibility but shifting it to them. It doesn’t belong with them.

You are responsible for your feelings when you trust someone else to follow through for you. You are giving away your power when you expect someone else to act for you. You are no longer  doing it they are.

Right there, at this point, you have relinquished control. If that person disappoints, for whatever the reason, ultimate you set the situation up for that to happen. Own this. It is your responsibility.

You may not have intended it to work out as it did but you placed your satisfaction in someone else’s hands. If they let you down and didn’t do what they promised it may suck. You expected them to deliver and they did not. Maybe, you should not have expected it or you should have done it yourself to be certain.

Do you see what I am aiming at? Yes, they did not complete the act as you hoped but it is your hoping and expecting that is the issue. Some one said, ‘disappointment requires adequate planning’. You wouldn’t be let down if you hadn’t expected them to do something in the first place.

When you put your faith in someone else to follow through on your behalf anything can come up to prevent them. Don’t get bent out of shape. I believe people should honor their word but when others let us down it really is our choice how we respond.

The best response may be, ‘oh well’ and then think how to solve or remedy the situation if it is a problem. Don’t get hooked into the disappointment and blame someone else.

Stop Take  A Deep Breath 

If you want to respond more positively and not blame you need to not get hooked. Go back and read through my blogs on how to keep from getting hooked. Go back and read all my blogs it would be good to revisit again and again.

Fill your mind with positive inspiring material over and over again. It makes it easier to only think and speak those things that bless, heal and prosper when you fill your mind. Fill it and keep it filled!

When you begin to get hot, flustered, frustrated or angry and you notice it you want to take a deep breath and interrupt the behavior. There is a sequence we each go through when ‘losing control’ or ‘getting angry’. The key is to be come aware this is happening as soon as possible.

When you are get angry what happens? How do you know you are getting angry? Describe what you first notice when ‘losing control’. When you do this you will begin to recognize the sequence; what happens first, then second and after that and so on.

Some people, ‘see red’, or ‘get hot under the collar’, ‘can’t see straight’, or hold their breath, or feel themselves getting hot, or raise their voice, or pound their fist. Notice what happens as you get angry. Pay close attention to what is the very first thing that happens inside you that let’s you know anger is happening.

That is the moment you want to catch. In many blogs I shared insights into preventing the negative unwanted emotions from gaining momentum and flooding you. You want to short circuit those impulses when you get mad and begin to blame.

You stop, interrupt them, and divert the energy into moving in a more positive direction. You leave the old and focus on the new. A great practice is to take a deep breath and as you let it out, sigh.

This creates a pause in the sequence. Take another breath and another. Walk if you need to. Release the energy through productive movement. Shift your attention from what is upsetting or hooking you to what solution you can find. What are you able to do to resolve it? What resources do you have? Think along these lines. Do it!

Manage Your Expectations.

I repeat, anything can happen, anything can come up to prevent someone from successfully following through. So don’t put so much faith in others to please you. It is not their job. You know the saying, ‘Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me’.

You can trust that they will follow through and you can hope BUT if they don’t, for any reason, let it go. You cannot dictate outcomes when you give up control. You need to learn that, adjust and move on.

When you blame you give up your power. You hurl negative energy and that is what you focus on since it occupies your attention. Whatever you focus on expands and that is what you get back. You get more negativity. STOP!

When you assume responsibility you put yourself in charge. You take control. When you are responsible for everything concerning you 100% (even if in reality this may not be accurate) it gives you tremendous power. You assume responsibility.

Claim Your Power Take Control

People can let you down. They may or may not follow through. Sometimes, that is just the way of life. Get over it. There will always be things that don’t go as anticipated. You may have to make corrections for others actions. Suck it up and move on!

When things don’t go as you hoped you can feel bummed or you can put on your positive thinking cap and realize a new opportunity now exists for you. You may not be able to see it yet. You probably won’t be able to. Even if you can’t yet see it there is something there that one day you might discover.

This COULD BE the very best thing that COULD HAVE happened. It COULD be. Only in looking back will you truly know. Time will tell. Expect the best. Stay positive! Often, people look back at something that, when they were going through it, thought it was the worst thing that could ever happen.

NOW, however, they describe it as the BEST thing that ever happened to them. When you look back you are able to see how your decisions led you to where you are right now. A change of perspective allows you to see things differently.

Spend Your Time Wisely

How you spend your time is important. You can be bummed, blame others and yourself. You can let negativity consume you OR you can think, ‘oh well’ and move on. Assume control, take charge, do what you can do to fix it and expect it to work out for the best. Attitude is everything! Stay positive.

You can never be 100% certain they won’t let you down. BUT you can increase your odds. Even then, be wise enough to know, anything is possible and don’t get hooked.

One way to increase the likelihood that they will keep their word is to make it a big deal when they do something for you. Genuinely act so delighted with their attempt that you encourage them to want to please you more in the future.

Teach Them How To Treat You By Going First

Because you respond so positively they don’t want to disappoint you. They like that you are thrilled with them or with their results. Teach them how to treat you by treating them that way first. Encourage!

If you help them feel good all the way through the process they are more likely want to make you feel good with the results. This makes it win win! Whenever you can help another person to win and to feel good do it! It will go a long way towards you feeling good.

When you want something from someone validate that person first. Make them feel good about doing what they are doing for you. Whenever you ask anyone to do anything for you, IMPLIED in your request IS A PROMISE you will be delighted with the result. Keep your promise!

Keep your promise to yourself and to others. Be delighted. Make your tasks and your promises ones you can succeed at. Manage them by making them do-able. Then you will never fail.

Then you can praise and encourage yourself and others along. Life will become much more wonderful when you drop blame and make what you want to happen happen. You can do this! You can find a way and as you do everything becomes so much more delightful!” Rex Sikes

NEWS     NEWS     NEWS     NEWS     NEWS     NEWS     NEWS  

*Horizons photo used with permission of Phil Koch.

HEADS UP!!!  Soon Daily Inspiration And Gratitude will have a new home.  A new URL, a new look and feel. All this content and new content will be delivered there. Some of you get this blog emailed to you,

I don’t know whether that will continue or not. I do know you will be able to subscribe to the blog and my new newsletter. I hope you will stay with us. I’d hate to lose you or have you miss any blog you want to receive. So will you stay with me?  I sure want you to. I’ll let you know when the change is taking place.

Delight and celebrate this day!

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The Secret To Making The Changes You Need To

there is nothing impossible

“Are you aware that making personal change is quite simple and easy? It really is.  It just doesn’t seem that way and that is because you don’t think or believe it is. It really is! It is true!

Most people don’t have to be unhappy, lonely, unsuccessful, broke, in poorer health, they just think they do. They don’t. You don’t! There is a way that you can be, do and have everything you want

Change can be quite easy. People can change.You can be whatever you want to be, do and have whatever you want in life. You can make it happen more easily than you may have ever imagined. You can end bad unwanted habits and create new better ones..

The caveat is this:

It Isn’t Seeing Is Believing It’s Believing Is Seeing

HOW we think about something makes it true for us. Our beliefs actually make it so. The results we get or don’t get are directly related to what we think and believe inside our head first.

I know plenty of people will object to this concept. It will get some people hot as they argue for objective reality imposing on us. These arguments or discussions have been around for a long time.

From, ‘I think therefore I am’, to ‘If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to hear it does it make a sound?’ People will find excuses to defend what they already believe rather than trying on new beliefs that serve them better.

There is enough research that anyone can find. I am not going to debate it here.That is not a fruitful use of mine or your time. I ask you to consider this. What if everything you knew were wrong? What would life be life? It surely would be different, how?

I ask this because it isn’t about making assertions it is about becoming open. It is about becoming curious and being able to entertain concepts rather than dismiss them because we disagree with them. There is the Zen story about the master who sent the seeker away because his tea cup was already full.

You Cannot Pour More Tea Into A Full Cup

You must first empty the cup, the master pointed out, then new tea can be poured in. We all have full, completely filled, heads. We have all the assumptions, reasons, excuses, why we are who we are and do and have what we do and have.

We need to let these go. We need to suspend our beliefs, at least momentarily, to even be able to entertain new ideas or new beliefs. We need to be open, empty and available to a new way of thinking and being in order to even attempt it. When the student is ready the teacher appears. Then new tea can be given. Then, life can change!

It is asking better questions that lead us to more useful outcomes. It is not declaring something wrong before trying it out. Curiosity and the willingness to explore opens us up to the possibility of adventure. Dismissal out of hand, too quick, simply shuts everything down. Either we expand, contract or remain the same.

The Flower Is Either Growing Or It Is Dying

Can you be open? It is easy to be open. It just doesn’t seem that way.

Whatever you declare makes it so. You are doing it right now as you read. You either agree or you don’t. You may be one of those who suspend judgement until more data becomes available but more probably you are either agreeing or disagreeing with each statement How open and available are you to entertain new ideas?

We can be, do and have anything in life if we want it. Would you agree? If yes, why? If not, why not? Your answers reveal your beliefs. Either you believe you can or you believe you can’t. You will have reasons why you believe either way. These beliefs and reasons determine the results you get or don’t get.

You Can Be, Do And Have Anything You Want

We can be, do and have anything in life if we want it. Yet, most people don’t come close. A few do. It seems they have unlocked the secret while the rest have not. Others believe god (or the universe) selects certain people to bless and others to fail. OR they believe some are just incredibly lucky while most are not.

People have been taught the secret for eons.  Some people figure it out by accident, which is certainly possible. However, they come to it they come to it. Once exposed to it they either apply it or not. Those who do know what happens as a result. Those who don’t never know.

Either You Believe It Is Possible For You Or You Don’t

Let me provide an example. Let’s take a plank the width of a door, in fact lets take a solid wood plank 2x the width of a door. That is probably about the width of a normal sidewalk. It’s length is 100 feet long. It is as solid as anything can be solid. 100 feet long and about 5 or 6 feet wide and strong.

I put this plank down on the ground and ask you to walk. Do you think you could? Probably, it is the same as walking on the sidewalk. Most people could do so without any thought or effort.You could walk, might even run, skip or hop your way along the board for the 100 feet. No big deal, right?

Ok so I raise it 20 feet in the air. Would you walk it?  Some would some would not. Raise this same plank 100 feet in the air would you walk it?  Fewer would walk it. If we could raise it a half a mile would you walk it? Few ever say yes. I’ve had a difficult time finding anyone to say yes, ‘I’ll gladly walk it’.  Would you?

Why, do most people opt out when it gets raised from the ground? The plank has not changed. It is the same plank people traversed easily while on the ground.  What changed is people’s thoughts about it.

They are fearful of the height. They imagine themselves falling. The higher up the fewer people willing to walk it because they get frightened. They imagine bad things in their mind. BUT Nothing has actually changed.

Our Beliefs Determine What We Will And Won’t Do

Our beliefs determine what we will and won’t even consider. You realize this right? Absolutely, nothing changed. The plank high in the air is exactly the same one easily walked on the ground. What changed was inside one’s head.

Their beliefs changed. What they imagined happening changed. How they felt as a result changed. They couldn’t imagine walking it because of what they were thinking. This meant they wouldn’t even try. If you don’t attempt it you don’t get any results at all.

It isn’t much different than being afraid of a spider. The spider is millions of times smaller than the human but some humans freeze with fear. It is what the human thinks, sees, tells oneself inside one’s head that makes the tiny spider scary.

Our Beliefs Determine What Is Easy And What Is Not

Our beliefs determine what we do AND do not do. Our beliefs determine what is and isn’t possible for us; what is difficult or easy; what takes time or no time. Whether we move forward and change easily or not has to do with our beliefs.

Does that mean if I believe I can jump over the moon I will be able to? No, it doesn’t. I honestly, don’t know if you could or not but I suspect the answer is no. I am not suggesting ‘impossible’ things. But some people think they can no more succeed than they could jump over the moon. That is sad. That is not comparing apples to apples.

Can you make a million dollars by tomorrow? Well, you could. You might. It may be rarer to do that but it could happen. Some people play the lottery and get lucky and become rich with the drop of 6 balls. So it is possible but not likely.

It isn’t about magic. It is not that you wave a wand and things happen because you believe.  It is the practical application of your positive mindset and expectations that determine how successfully you move in the world.

Could you make a million dollars?  Yes.  You certainly can if you believe you can and go after it?  Can you be happy after living a lifetime of sadness. Yes. Can change can be easier than you think it is? Yes!  Sadly, most people think it is tough and never both to change what they believe.

Your Beliefs Work For You – You Shouldn’t Be Their Servant

Why have you come to have these beliefs? Who cares? We could discuss that forever. The question is will you begin to expand your beliefs and abilities so you can live happily and be who you want to be, feel what you want to feel, do what you want to do and get what you want to have.

Don’t let your thoughts prevent you. Have the courage to challenge your thoughts. Make your mental constructs, your images and self talk your servant.  Make these work for you instead of being their servant. You can triumph and be a champion or you can be a victim or remain stuck.

Getting to where you want to get in life is just like getting anywhere in life. You have to know where you want to go, believe you can get there and then get moving. If anything comes along to interrupt or make the travel difficult, adjust your map, but keep going. Obstacles may arise. Keep going! In real life obstacles represent opportunity.

The Poor And The Powerless Fear Failure And Hardship.

Some people won’t even try because they don’t want to fail. That may be safe and assures you that nothing changes. If you don’t try you won’t fail but you also are not likely to ever succeed.

The successful and rich people don’t fear failure. They don’t even consider it an option. They know they will succeed. They know that they will learn more from attempts that don’t work out than from immediate success. They know they will succeed even when they don’t know how.

The successful understand that knowing how isn’t what you need to begin. How will become clear along the journey. They understand that they only need to determine to win and go after it and they will figure it out along the way AND make their dreams come true. They don’t let anything stop them.

They know that challenges equip them with more of what they need to triumph. Their attitude, their beliefs are different. Their mindset supports them. They are in charge. They don’t let the thought of defeat or actual defeat prevent them from making good in the end.

The Successful Know In Advance They Will Succeed

Failure nearly always precedes success. If you interview most of the self made millionaires and influential people you’ll discovered nearly all of them overcame incredible odds. For most, it was anything but easy. Yet, they prevailed. They did because of their mindset.

The people who succeed know they must continue. They are driven. They are passionate about making a difference. They believe they ultimately succeed no matter what. So they do! Attitude separates the wheat from the chaff.

Mindset determines how far you will be willing to go. ‘If you think you can or you think you can’t you are right.’ said Henry Ford. He was right.

Are you willing to suspend your doubt, your suspicion, your fear, your worries, your know it all attitude, or your ‘I don’t know enough’ attitude to allow yourself to try on some new beliefs. Can you begin to believe you can make it happen and that you can change easily?

I know there will be those who can change their beliefs as they would a spring jacket. They will move forward changing and surprising themselves and delighting along the way. They will encounter difficulty but they won’t let it stop them.

I also know there are those who will cling to what they have always believed and always known. Those will dismiss this proposal out of hand as silly or too hard or  impossible. These people will remain the same.

Decide To Be The Victor, The Champion, The Winner

Change is easier than you think it is OR it is as tough as you think it is. (I’ll continue to address this in other upcoming blogs.)

It is whatever you believe it to be. Your thoughts either move you forward toward what you want OR they stop you and hold you back. You are either the controller, the victor of your thoughts or you are the victim of your thoughts.

At any moment you can chose to be a champion if you will let yourself. Take responsibility and recognize you have a choice. You have a decision to make. Which type of person are you? Which type of person do you want to be? Which type of person will you be? It is completely up to you! Decide today!” Rex Sikes

Enjoy today. Make it exciting!

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Do You Ever Get Hooked Bad? How To Get Unhooked!

Take-a-deep-breath copy

“What do you do when you get caught up? Something happens and it bursts your positive bubble. Your momentum is thrown off, the apple cart upset. How do you react? How should you? How could you? Is there a better way to behave when when s–t hits the fan?

First,  to ‘get caught up’ is an apt description. We get caught, hooked just like a fish. We think things are great and the next thing you know we swallowed a big hook. That sucks! What do we do?

We do whatever it is we do. Nature takes its course. We may get angry even while knowing it would be best not to. We may do things against our better judgement and against our own best interests. It happens. Sometimes we react without thinking and sometimes we react while thinking we ought to be doing something else.

We are hot and bothered but not in the good way. We are hurting, angry, scared, lashing out. We are desperate and convinced the world is ending or at least turing bad on this very point. We are absolutely hooked and we are reacting automatically. Again, we are caught up in it.

Whatever it is triggered a response from us. An unwanted, painful uncomfortable response. Maybe we yelled at ourselves. Perhaps, we shouted at a loved one or co-worker. We created pain for others too. Why not? Maybe they hurt us first? Right? Wrong!

Nothing justifies a poor, bad or negative reaction. There is no excuse for yelling at ourself or others. However, if that is what happen that is what happened. I will come back to this in a moment. The first thing is to acknowledge, whenever you become aware, is that you reacted as you did. Accept responsibility and realize you did as you did.

The truth is you went haywire. You lost control. You fought or fought back. Whatever it is accept it. There are consequences to our actions. For every cause there is an equal and opposite effect. You may have started other wheels spinning or like dominos you just knocked over the very first one.

Ok, that is what was, and what might be. First, accept responsibility without blaming yourself for your reaction. YOU reacted. YOU lost control. Sad to say so but that is what happened. Accept it without shaming yourself. That won’t help you end that issue.

Accept you behaved poorly, acknowledge it, and turn your attention to how you could have behaved or responded better or more appropriately. What could you have done differently, even though you didn’t?

Figure out what the most positive response is that could benefit everyone in a positive and productive way. How might you have behaved that could have kept things in check (possibly) instead of them rampaging out of control?

In order to behave better in the future you have to know what behavior you want instead. YOU just got slammed right in the face big time with the behavior you don’t want. Consider it a godsend. Pretend someone somewhere, the universe is sending you an incredible message and opportunity.

Your hot, negative, unwanted thoughts, feeling and behaviors are all exactly what you don’t want. Hopefully, the messenger gets through because the messenger tells you, ‘okay that happened, own up to it, make restitution, and NOW focus on what you DO want instead.’

You reacted instead of responded. You reacted to whatever the circumstances dictated and you fell victim to it. Hey, we all do it so blame is not the name of this game. Get over yourself. Determine your positive course, the positive thoughts, feelings, behaviors and results you want in your future instead.

The first key in getting unhooked is to notice that YOU got hooked. Then, once you notice it, you do what you need to to get unhooked. In the human’s case we need to focus on what we want and where we want to end up instead. We want more productive responses next time.

There are many ways to do this I will discuss in future blogs. We can use our imagination, our internal movie theater, self-talk, affirmations, Directed Questions™ and more for just this sort of thing.

My point is this: We evolve ourselves. In evolution somethings take time. Some things take repeated examples or exposures. Some lessons it seems we have to learn again and again until we eventually get it. AND THAT IS OKAY! That is just the way it is.

We may want it to be different. We may wish it were like all the promises the media makes for instant relief and magic gadgets but life is more like a flowering garden. Beautiful things just take some time to appear. We grow, adapt, and evolve.

So again no blame, no shame. The best thing you can do is acknowledge your reaction and pat yourself on the back and hope you will notice the next ones too. Praise yourself not for your reaction but for you becoming aware that you reacted and were focused on what you did not want. This provides you a choice point and the opportunity to change.

This increases the likelihood  that you will become aware and notice quicker in future episodes because you aren’t punishing yourself. No one likes that. Well, at least fewer people do. Awareness is the doorway that opens for you to find new opportunity. Validate your awareness and it willingly works to benefit you.

Determine to respond better in the future. Again, I’ll share more later but if you read my blog regularly there are lots of tips and secrets and practices and principles you can apply right now to begin doing that.

Own your reaction. Take responsibility. Make an apology genuinely and promise to never do that again. Do whatever must be done to correct any wrong doing or harm. Help provide healing. Sometimes that means walking away too and leaving the other person alone if they request that. Be respectful!

That last point is an important one for behavior in the world. Walk away.

‘When we ‘react’ it causes pain because it is a ‘knee jerk’. It means we have no choice. We actually do have choice but it happens so fast or things start snowballing out of control that it seems as if we don’t and we can’t help it.

We always have choice and the choice point is right smack in the beginning. Something happens outside of us or within us to set it off. Things start happening. There is actually a sequence. It may seem one moment we are fine and the next we flew of the handle but there is an actual sequence of events that happen in real time.

Neurons fire. Neural pathways are activated. Signals are sent Hormones and chemicals are released. Our body is preparing for FIGHT OR FLIGHT!

In jungle days with real world predators we needed this to run very fast or fight very strong to survive. We need it much more rarely in our modern world and we don’t need it when most arguments ensue.

BUT IT IS THERE anyway. To serve us. Because we think we are being threatened when in fact we are, but not in that life-threatening way. We need to learn to better respond and adapt to our circumstances than be walking around as jungle cave people in the 21st century. Don’t you think?

Because there is a sequence it takes time. YES, it happens very fast. REALLY  really fast. BUT you can still catch it. THAT is precisely why we want to encourage our awarenesses. We want to become aware as it is happening that there is something WE CAN DO instead.

We can actually divert the behavior into new more productive behaviors and new neural pathways.

We just have to catch the moment first. AT the very instant of the trigger, we are caught unawares, and then the body takes over and begins to release chemicals. As these chemicals and the neurons begin traveling their routes we feel the changes.

Maybe we get ‘hot under the collar’ or ‘red in the face’ maybe we ‘see red’ or feel tension increase. Anything, any way you describe it, is possible.

The point is to become aware as this happens. As the chemicals release its called Emotional Flooding. We get flooded with feelings and sensations. IF we notice them, again the reason awareness is important, we can change them right then. We have this choice brief choice point to give us time or room to respond differently.

Imagine for a moment you are at the top of a hill with a huge boulder. You are in front of it. It begins to roll down hill. ALL you have to do is put your arm out and you can stop it from rolling. You really can. The reason you can stop it is that it just began. You caught it right in the beginning.

It didn’t have time to build momentum. Had you been four or five feet away, or ten or more you would not be able to stop it at all. You would have to jump aside. It has too much momentum by then. It is the same with our emotions flooding us. If we catch them right at the beginning we can be different. IT can be different.

This flooding seems fast and is because the neural pathways have been traveled countless times before. They are well worn and utilized. In order to change we have to provide new pathways. It will take awhile for them to get well worn in too. Still, we do have choice.

Awareness is the first step. The second is to decide to choose what else to do instead. One of the best things to make habit is to take a very deep breath. Breath. Breath again. Breathing helps to change what is happening in the body. So does pacing or walking as long as you don’t use the walking to build momentum.

Take a deep breath. Change your body posture. Move, walk, don’t remain in the same place. Keep breathing slowly. EMT’s are known to have a person walk off the adrenaline when in an accident or a near miss.

When the flooding happens people get jittery as the chemical floods into the system. You can’t get rid of it, you can’t just dump it. but you can use it in a managed activity. Walking. You could skip or dance but on the street they also are concerned with safety. So move calmly and breath to better utilize what the body is giving you.

Take a breath. Create that pause in the flood. Use your own body to stop the momentum and you prevent the emotional boulder from shooting down the hill. You can stop the flooding. It can be done. You divert it into a more productive and less destructive path.

Choice is important. When you make a decision you can change your thoughts and feelings to respond in a more beneficial manner for yourself and others. You can choose to walk away from the fight.

It may not seem like it now but you really can. You can choose to do nothing at all. It does not, necessarily, require that anything be done just because you got hot.

When you create the pause, the gap, that room, you can begin to see that this is true. You don’t have to continue on you can respond differently!

The only way to decide differently is to create that space by making the pause happen. You create the pause, which slows the flood, you positively manage the resulting emotions converting them into other relaxed responses. You get your head clear.

You are creating new neural pathways. You are changing the old route to a new one. The result is the same as when you moved to a new residence. You have a different address. You end up in a different place.

You pause, (breath and move and continue to) you relax, let go, and continue as needed. You direct your mind to more useful places, thoughts and behaviors (Directed Questions™ were created for this).

YOU chose a new more productive, positive, useful response. It could be anything. As long as it isn’t the old one and it is positive and constructive you are doing yourself a great service.

You have just stopped the emotional flooding, got unhooked and created a new neural pathway to travel to a new address. Fantastic! Celebrate and be grateful!

Appreciate that you have taken control instead of being a victim of your own chemistry and emotions. You determined you were going to re-route them. Pat yourself on the back!

Just as when you actually move from one address to a new address you may, from time to time, discover yourself taking the old way to the old home. This can happen with behaviors too. In time, by taking the new route to the new place enough times you make it a well worn pathway.

You have lost nothing. You can still always find your way to the former residence, if you were to choose to. You haven’t lost anything, you aren’t deprived of anything. What changed is you have a new, more useful productive, constructive pathway to a beautiful new residence.

Travel there happily. You find you don’t even think about the old route but you could if you wanted to. How cool is all of this? Pretty wonderful, if you ask me. You always have choices available.

In the next blog I will share with you  a ways to wire this in. The one after that I’ll discuss developing a new mindset to give yourself new choices. Meanwhile celebrate and enjoy!” Rex Sikes

Find delight in your day and night!

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Perhaps The Most Important Question You Ever Ask Yourself

when-your-desires-are-strong-enough-you-will-appear-to-possess-superhuman-powers-to-achieve-napoleon-hill

“As a young actor, with my buddies at the time, we entertained a question. Turns out it is a very important question. At the time we only gave lip service to it but didn’t ask it in our hearts. Maybe the others did but I certainly didn’t. It was nothing more to me than a mere intellectual curiosity.

That question was and is, ‘If your success were absolutely guaranteed 25 or more years from now. Without question, you would be then a huge star. You would have everything you want. It is yours. How would you live your life between now and then?’

(Okay – housekeeping note – this is a long one. But do please read to the end. I didn’t want to divide it into installments as I could have.)

Most of us assumed we would stay in workshops and continue the pursuit. Then after discussing the question we continued to do what a lot of actors and others do. We went on complaining about our agents, managers, the casting directors who weren’t seeing us and all the producers and directors who were missing out on our great talents.

We went to classes, those who had part time jobs did them, others worked full time while trying to pursue a career. Some married and with children some without. Juggling a career in the movie business with partner, kids and job can be quite a challenge. Being single, lonely and alone is challenging too.

It is hard in show biz and you know what, it is hard in any career. Becoming an actor, film director, producer, writer, editor and all the rest it’s tough to get in and it is tough to sustain. There is no formula you can follow out of college. Everyone succeeds is an individually unique way.

While traditional businesses offer more provincial routes to success it is not easy there either. Whether you want to be a doctor, lawyer, politician, engineer, realtor, investor, banker, fireman, educator and on and on each has there own share of difficulty and sacrifices that require making.

So back to the question regardless of what career you are in or which one you want to be in. Back to the question even if it isn’t a career that concerns you but life in general. “What would you do if happiness and success were absolutely guaranteed but not for a very long time from now? How would you live between now and then?’

Here is the reason I ask. In order to succeed in anything, the easiest way is to believe you will succeed. You have to know what you want, you have to have a burning desire for its fulfillment and you have to have faith that it is yours and on the way.

You must believe you can make it happen. These were conditions and principles put forth by Andrew Carnegie (at one time the world’s richest man) and through Napoleon Hill (the author of Think & Grow Rich) commissioned by Carnegie to study success.

Hill stated that, ‘whatever the mind of can conceive and believe can be achieved’. It begins with thought and how we manage our thought. It is brought forth by our intense feelings, our passion and desire for its attainment.

It is delivered through unrelenting faith that we will succeed no matter what obstacles rise up before us. It is ours and we will persist until we can claim it.

Said another way, ‘What we hold in our head we will some day hold in our hands’, and ‘What we think about we bring about’. I would add in, ‘what we totally feel in our hearts, all the incredible feelings’ puts the fuel in our engines to get us where we want to go.

Great, we know the formula. What does that have to do with the question. The question is what do you do between now and then when success is unconditionally guaranteed? If you believe that is true, which I did not as a young actor, I thought it was a nice, fanciful idea but nothing is guaranteed, you will operate in a particular way.

You will live from this conviction and it will shape everything you think and do. If you unquestionably know it is yours you live with the confidence that you will have it. It feels good to own it even if it takes a while to claim it. It is yours. It is a given. You are successful and happy. Why would you ever let anything rain on your parade in the meantime?

You have everything you want coming to you. Celebrate and be glad. If you compare now to then and you focus on what you don’t yet have then you get pain and end up in a world of hurt. THAT is what I did. I thought, nice idea but I am suffering and I need it now. You must not think like that!

You must focus on what you want and what you know is coming your way and not on what you don’t want and don’t have.

You will never be happy or successful focused on negativity. You won’t get rich focused on lack. You get happy and rich and successful by first being those on the inside. If you knew ultimately you would triumph why would you ever chose not to live like a successful, happy victor? You wouldn’t if you were convinced you would be, do and have everything you want.

That is Carnegie’s and Hill’s third principle. In order to be successful you must expect to be successful. You must know it in your mind and heart and soul and in every fiber of your being. You must be unstoppable and never deterred.

Every cell, every atom in you knows you will win. This is the mindset we must have to have what we want.

you atract what you focus on

Instead, I focused on my bills, girlfriends or no girlfriends, not having the big home or cars as others did. I focused more on how I wasn’t working enough and how unfair it was that others got breaks that I didn’t. On and on and on it went. I was consumed by all the woe in my life. Whether actual or imagined.

So the question was posed, I thought about it and dismissed it as a curiosity. Nice to entertain but unrealistic. Yet, later I learned that Hill studied over 500 of the wealthiest, most successful powerhouses of his day and that since his work others have done similar and guess what.

Carnegie and Hill were correct. You have to know what you want. You have to feel it as already belonging to you.  You have to know this and want it and feel it coming to you with your entire being! You must keep that faith. In the future you are already victorious! You will have everything you want when you truly believe it.

Decades ago I would have called that magical or mystical,fairytale thinking. Nice but cheesy. NOW I know so much better how true it actually it is.  It has worked in my own life and continues to and I have seen it work, and helped make it work in countless others’ lives.

When we know what we want we determine where we want to end up. We know what the end result is. We do not yet have to know how to get there but we must know what we want to be, do and have. If we don’t define it and clarify it there is nothing to aim at. The mind needs a well defined clear target.

We must feel it with a burning desire. If we don’t want if very much we won’t do very much to make it happen. We will be lazy and accept whatever. We will drift and not amount to much of anything.

Think about all those romance movies where the valiant swashbuckling hero has to overcome all sorts of tremendous odds in order to win the lady’s heart. He has to win her, overcome insurmountable odds and difficulties and make it back to claim her love.

He has to really want her to fight for her all the way! He has to know that he will fight to the death and come away winning her hand or he is not all in. You must be all in. You must be passionately and wholly committed. You can’t play half assed and expect to win the prize.

WHY? because with a clear target and positive powerful emotions your brain then totally gets it. There is no question about what it is you desire. It is completely clear. Message received!

In order to keep the mind on track you have to stay on target. That is where faith and feelings come in. You have to feel it is yours. You deserve it. It is yours no question.

There are no doubts, no worry, no fears. It is only a matter of time that this or something better will be fulfilled. You are all in and will never give up no matter what.

Now your brain goes to work for you. It makes connections, associations, organizes and utilizes  all your resources and abilities to help you make it happen. You become confident in yourself, positive and powerful.

You trust yourself to make it happen. Where there is will there is a way. You are a champion, of course you will triumph! There is no other outcome that could happen. Your success is guaranteed!

Your mind is alerted to possibilities and opportunities. You become sensitized to these in the same way as when you purchase a new car and suddenly, notice all the same make and model on the streets. You look for opportunity and discover them where none seemed to previously exist.

You find yourself drawn to likeminded positive successful people. You discover events and circumstances working for you. Obstacles and challenges provide lessons which you extract, and you adapt and adopt and continue to move forward.

If you know success is yours you let nothing stand in the way. You know that ultimately nothing can or will prevent you from claiming what it is you want. You are already a success within!

So while it may sound like magic this is what we have learned from successful people during the past century and from well beyond that. This is how the kings and rulers think. This is how those born to wealth and privilege think. This is how the successful shakers and doers think. Their mindset paves the way for the results they want to achieve. ‘As above so below. As within so without.’

It is true there are some of trust fund babies who squander their good fortune and make a mess of their lives. By far the majority of successful people will, IF THEY WANT YOU TO KNOW IT, tell you they always knew they would do well and succeed at whatever they wanted. There was NEVER any question. NEVER ANY QUESTION!

For the rest of us we need to cultivate this mindset. We weren’t born into circumstances where we grew up knowing one day all this would be ours. We didn’t have a life where money was no object.

Anything and everything at anytime could be had for a price and we could afford it. We didn’t live this way. Good or bad, right or wrong, thankfully or not we have to develop the winner attitude on our own.

desire backed by faith

The greatest news for human kind may be that it is ABSOLUTELY POSSIBLE to do! WE CAN DO IT! We can change our lot in life by taking control of our thoughts and feelings and we can begin getting the results we want, and may have always wanted.

THIS is why it is true that the past does not equal the future because no matter what failure, heartbreak or disappointment you may have had in the past YOU CAN RIGHT NOW CHANGE IT FOR THE BETTER!

The decision is yours. You can blow it off as I did the question or you can decide now to turn your life around and start getting everything you deserve. You can live abundantly without having to deprive anyone else of anything too. You can make your dreams come true.

The decision is yours. The time is now. It is a journey but a worthwhile one and the true value of which you will only know once you get on the road. Become unstoppable. Become convinced that you will be, have and do everything you want.

Put these practices to work and discover what I and countless others have discovered, and are discovering. This mind stuff works!!! It absolutely, truly does! There is amazing, dynamic energy and power in a committed, firm decision. It may be unlike anything you have ever experienced up until now.

If you are like some people you may have to get close to hitting bottom before you act in your own best interests. I was like that. The painful signal value had to be really loud, strong and hurtful to get my attention.

If you are like some others, you see the value of an opportunity as it is presented to you. You can make the decision without having to suffer.

Sadly, there will be those, in both groups who do nothing because they simply don’t know any better. That was me too. I couldn’t see opportunity when presented, I was suspicious. I didn’t know enough consider something as that question worthy of my attention so blew it off.

Then I had to let life circumstances and my own negative and bad feelings get strong enough to make me exclaim, ‘I don’t want to live like this anymore! I must do something.’ I began to search.

THIS is what I found. Even then, I dabbled. I dipped my toes in. I went a way for a few years but I kept encountering myself again and again in less than glorious ways. Finally, I decided, ‘I really can’t live this way. I have to change and I will do whatever is required to change it!’ In that moment, I became freer.

I decided I was 100% responsible for anything and everything that happened to me. I would be a victor and a champion. I would fill my mind with positive thoughts and my being with positive glorious feelings.

If I fell I would commit to getting up. If I didn’t feel like it I would forge ahead anyway. There were many times I fell and countless times I didn’t feel like it.

Bottom line: If I can do this ANYONE else in the world can do this too. I am not special, I am not smarter, I am no one at all, just another person on a journey. I committed to it and change began happening.

Slowly, no evidence at all that anything was changing, but in time I felt better. No miracles, nothing. Shit still hit the fan. At first, I was confused and wondered why bad things were still happening but I soon learned it was my response to situations that made the difference. Wondering why only threw me back into negativity.

I learned I had to manage my thinking and steer it back to what I wanted and to focus on what I now have and what I am creating for the future. I have to and had to apply these principles repeatedly to make them a habit.

I was used to doing things other ways before so I had to learn the new ways and make these automatic, AS automatic, as the old ways of doing things. Once that happens it does get easier and easier.

Eventually, I began to notice, not only feeling better and better as a result of my mind, feelings and life becoming more positive, but small wins. Little things, positive things began happening more and more frequently and as they did I felt grateful and celebrated all I could. Gratitude opens a doorway to let so much more come in!

More wins, eventually, bigger wins. The seed sprouted, the tiny plant grows before becoming big and strong. Even more. The feelings and thoughts and results I were getting fed each other. As I felt better more things good seemed to happen. As more good things happened the better I felt. It is as if I can’t separate the two. It is quite glorious!

YET, still there are challenges and that is absolutely okay. I learn from them. I am resolved to being a life long learner. One can’t know everything. So I learn from opportunity and challenges alike. It is so wonderful!

I still fall and I get back up. Not each one is easy to get back up from but it is far easier than before. There is just no way to share how incredible this all is in my life. Words just don’t seem adequate. You really have to experience it for yourself as countless, COUNTLESS others have.

Quotation-Napoleon-Hill-mind-influence-responsibility-positive-Meetville-Quotes-92860

Countless, but the number is far smaller than those who won’t. That is truly sad. They are used to doing things the way they have been doing them. A wise old friend spoke these words, ‘I am awakened, it is true. Once I slept but I awoke and it is glorious. You are sleeping now but one day you too will awaken. That is just how it is.’

We are ready when we are ready. No blame, no excuses, nothing. We come to change in our own time. I love my life and I didn’t always feel that way. I love it and adore it. Funny, but as I typed these words I just had an agent phone me to come in for a call back in two days.

Make your dreams come true. Commit to yourself and making your world better. When you do you find you also want everyone else to have a better world too. Great things await you if you will only claim them and make them yours. If you haven’t already done so do it today!” Rex Sikes

Make today incredible!

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Stop Living In Pain! Connect The Dots To Feeling Better

suffer more in imagination than reality

“Have you ever played connect the dots? You know, you start at one dot and follow each until an image emerges. Will you do it with your life? Can you look back and see how each event that stands out in your mind and each decision you made has lead to where you are right now?

At each historic event in your life there may have been many pathways to alternate results. Can you see how your decisions at each point have lead you to where you are today? Can you see that? While it may appear there were any number of possible choices and outcomes can you see that given your decision you are right where you are supposed to be?

I do not mean you were predestined nor do I mean someone other than you is dictating the outcomes. What I mean is given the choices you have had in your life can you, or are you willing to see, looking back, how the decisions you made were stepping stones to the present?

I’ll give you an example. I had someone I deeply loved who broke up with me as a young man. I was horribly crushed. I didn’t want a future without her. Had she not broken up with me I would not have the incredible children I have today.

While it may be true I may have had other children and been happy had we stayed together we did not. What I do have are two children I love and adore and could not be happier as a result. Do I mourn the breakup now? Absolutely not.

I had a car accident that kept me laid up for a long time in a part of the country that wasn’t my home. As a result I eventually met the woman who became the mother of my children. Had I not had the terrible car accident I would never have had these children.

Do you see what I mean? Now, in these examples it appears I am only pointing to events outside my control. Things that happened to me. That is part of it. It is what the universe offered. Events happen. Inside of each I made countless decisions that affected my present at that time and the future outcomes.

For example, I stayed after recovery to have the relationship that lead to my children. Had I chosen to return home and not continue the relationship I would not have my kids. I had to give up certain things in one part of the country to have other things in another part of the country.

One of the points I am trying to make is that each dot leads to another and the entire picture emerges but we don’t see it all at one time. We don’t know the eventual outcome. How we view each dot is important. I could abhor my present and look back and see how each dot has lead to now, and how I might have decided otherwise.

No point crying over spilt milk. Yes, you or I may have decided otherwise at anytime but did not. Get over it is the only thing to do. We can not, nor should we, regret the past. If we can’t change it we should find a better use of our thoughts and our time.

We can use those feelings though to decide to change our present and have a better one. We can determine to have a better future too. This is when past exploration is useful if it leads to a set of wiser choices in the now that we can make.

Otherwise, sifting through the crap in our lives, living hurt and disappointment over and over again is a pointless, devastating use of time. A key to having a happy life is knowing how to use your mind to look for and find what you want. Another key is knowing how to spend your time doing what brings you those results.

Look into the past and recognize choice points. Notice how upheaval events, big boulders, are the stepping stone to now, and without them you would not be who you are today. Whether or not you successfully negotiated those, whether or not you appreciate the outcome they are part of your history.

Therefore, they have helped determine who you are today. For goodness sakes be grateful!!!

Without them, perhaps, everything would be different. However, there is NO without them. They are historically in you past. Examine how those events, no matter how horrible, have contributed to you. You have lived on. Days, weeks, maybe years have passed since that time, those times. Appreciate this!

If you are dragging the boulders with you everywhere you go that is a difficult way to travel. You need to put them down and let them go. You need to examine how, no matter how terrible they may have been and how life crushing they were at the time, those very events are disguised blessings. Appreciate this too!

Inside each were, as there always IS, choice points we face. There are always decisions we have to make. In each decision we made, whether the result was better or worse, is the seed of opportunity for betterment. Find the seeds! They are within the dots!

Whatever we did, however we chose, brought us to right now. If you don’t like where you are right now, maybe you can imagine, whether true or not, a greater force trying to get your attention to make better decisions. My guess, it is not coming from outside you but from within you. YOU are trying to get YOUR attention.

Negative feelings are your way of signaling YOU that you need to make a change. They are telling you you are focused on the wrong things. You are focused on what you do not want. The signal value will get as loud as necessary for you to hear it and change things.

Some people, instead of recognizing the signal and changing what they are doing, live with the negative feelings. Imagine, a messenger shows up at your home and instead of taking the message and acting on it you invite the messenger to live with you. Some people tolerate negative feelings and pain instead of making change that benefits them.

They are simply mistaken. The don’t realize the feelings are there to get their attention The feelings are yelling “HELLO! IS this bad enough yet? HELLO, HELLO? okay well then we’ll ramp them up and see if this get’s you to pay attention. HELLO HELLO!”

On and on it goes as a vicious cycle because the human isn’t aware of why those less than glorious feeling are there. They are there so you DECIDE to change your focus. That is all they truly are! Use them don’t continue to be abused by them. Stop and change what you are paying attention to. Stop paying attention to the negative thoughts and feelings!!! Use the feelings only as a guide, as a messenger!

You can’t change the past but you can use the past to change what you are presently doing so that you get better results. Part of this evolutionary self change means reframing the past as necessary. Look at it and assign different meaning to it.

Assign a more useful and productive meaning to it. Notice how each dot follows the other in some way as a road map to now. Find the good in each disappointment and you are doing something incredibly valuable for yourself! You will transform the past when you find the good. The result will be a better present and future!

You don’t have to live in regret and personal woe. At this moment there is a choice what to do with the past. You can keep hurting or you can decide to live happily and victoriously. Even considering these notions is a choice point for you. What will you do?

I hope you will look at each moment meaningfully and positively and find the good that has come from each disappointment. Sadly, many people miss all the positive, incredible, stepping stones in their life because they only see the boulders.

That is narrow, limited vision and no way to live. One only lives that way because they made looking for what is wrong a habit. You can change that! There is plenty of wonderful events and good too that should not be missed. Habits should serve you you should not serve habits.

Silver lining surround every dark cloud but we have to look for it. We need to find the good. Train your mind to find the good, especially if you have never trained it to do so. If you have not deliberately trained your mind to find the good, to see the positive, to celebrate everything, then you won’t. Make it a habit!

Your mind will run on and on doing whatever it learned to do haphazardly and carrying out the programming given it by others. That is not how you want to live and use your mind. Claim it back and train it to find the strength, the confidence, the happiness and joy that are there that you are missing because you don’t know where or how to look. You can do it!

This moment is an opportunity for you to take control, resolve the past, forgive and let go. It is an opportunity to make the present marvelous and move into the future with confidence, power and joy. It is the opportunity for you to create what you want instead of living as you don’t want.

You always have choices whether you know it or not.  Only, you have to decide. NO decision, to not make one, is actually a decision to do nothing. Waiting is only waiting. Someday never comes, today is all we have. You and I can live it positively, happily with an attitude of gratitude for everything that came before and what we have now.

When we are grateful for everything, truly grateful, there is immense power within you to create and attract anything and everything you want. You become a magnet for blessings, opportunities and advantages. Celebrate everything!

You live with purpose, deliberately using your thoughts and feelings to have fabulous day no matter what crap the world hurls your way. When you are grateful for everything. When you are grateful for every decision you made, regardless of the outcome, you are beginning to take responsibility for you. When you can take 100% responsibility for you is when the miracles begin happening!

Then nothing is left up to chance, nor to anyone else. You are the captain of your life and the master of your fate and the creator of your circumstances. You become more fully alive and dynamically charged. There are no blames, no excuses only celebration and gratitude and this is an incredible way to live.

You can have it all when you decide to take charge. When take responsibility for all your decisions, your thoughts, feelings and actions you are the master of these and your life becomes magical! It is absolutely wonderful. Yes, crap may happen, but life is wonderful.

Won’t you do this now for yourself? “Rex Sikes

Be good and kind to yourself today!

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