Category Archives: Habit Formation

Act As If, Affirmations, Confidence, Creating The Future, Definite Chief Purpose, Directed Questions™, Faith, Focus, Habit Formation, Happiness, Intentional Thinking, Mental Movie Theater, Personal Development, Positive Affirmations, Rehearsal And Practice, Responsibility, Self Improvement, Self Talk, Success, Visualization

One Quality You Must Have To Be Happy & Succeed!

June 23, 2015 rexsikes 4 Comments

“Do wishy washy people appeal to you? Isn’t it frustrating when a person is overly timid and will not say what the person wants? It is equally unattractive when someone is aggressive, isn’t it. We don’t want to be around pushy, rude or threatening people either.

There are many desirable qualities to have in order to be happy and for success. One quality definitely required is assertiveness. An assertive person is neither aggressive nor passive.

Assert What You Want

Assertive is defined as confident or self confident, decisive, assured or self assured, forthright, firm, and emphatic. It means you are NOT aggressive or pushy or demanding. It means you are not cowering, afraid or too timid. It means you know what you want and can say so.

The word assured means reliable, dependable, certain, sure and secure. These qualities are ones you may need more of and that you can learn to acquire. It is a great thing to be dependable!

When you are assertive it means you’re able to state your needs and desires confidently, in a straight forward manner, without apology. It means you are able to affirm what you want without being intimidating or threatening. You simply are confident, decisive, assured and forthright.

Be Confident And Assured You Will Make It Happen

You must be assertive to reach your goals.You must be assertive to achieve your definite chief aim or purpose. You must be assertive when it comes to making your life the way you want it to be. You cannot be wishy washy, and aggression will work against you. You must be firm, steadfast, committed and assured.

You need to know what you want. You must specify it and clarify it in your mind. You need to assert that you will get it. You believe it, you are confident and have faith you will accomplish it. You are reliable and dependable and secure in bringing it about. You think and speak what you want in positive terms and affirm this.

Affirm means to state as a fact, declare, assert, swear, vow, guarantee and pledge. It means you commit to making your goals and dreams come true and are willing to commit to it publicly. You don’t have to publicly announce your goals that isn’t the point.

Affirm It In Your Thoughts Words And Actions

It is probably wiser if you don’t. You don’t need naysayers or detractors or added pressure from peers or family. Just quietly but confidently go about creating what you want. Surprise everyone.

When you assert yourself you act with power. You are congruent in mind and body. You are at one with your purpose. You are totally aligned with what you want and your conviction that you will get it. You do not allow circumstances or others to intimidate or threaten you. You know you will see it through. Success is guaranteed!

So how do you become more assertive? The same way you become more of anything. You practice and you rehearse. You put it into motion and become it. You make being assertive a habit. That’s how you are currently the person you are. Only you did it without knowing you were doing it at the time. Now you do it with awareness and purpose!

You Are Already Who You Imagine Yourself To Be

First you become it in your mind. You imagine it in your mental movie theater. You see yourself acting assertively in situations. You imagine you already have it. If it is at first difficult to imagine yourself behaving differently look for positive role models who embody what you want.

That person could be someone you know who exemplifies it or it could be someone famous. Simply notice how they act and behave assertively and imagine you doing the same. Learn from their positive example. Leave out any personal characteristics that are not you. For example, they speak with an accent and you don’t. So don’t do it.

Use the inner theater daily, 5, 10, 20 minutes at a time, the more often and more time you can spend, at first, the more efficient you will become at doing this. Time can then be reduced. More importantly, do enough to be effective and not so much you quit. Make the time you spend manageable and enjoyable.

See yourself as an assertive person. Live your life knowing what you want, speaking it, without intimidating, but confidently, assured and positive. Notice how you look and sound. Notice how it feels to imagine this and enjoy the good feelings. Affirm this.

Make Affirmations Part Of Your Daily Thoughts And Activities

State positively that ‘I know what I want’, ‘I get what I want’, ‘I can always find a way to make it happen’ and other positive declarations. You can also phrase these as ‘You know what you want. You can make it happen.’ You can also put your own name in place of ‘I’ or ‘You’. All three are worthwhile to do.

Ask Directed Questions™ such as, ‘I wonder how delighted I will be to discover myself feeling more confident throughout each day? How much fun will it be to be more assertive in daily activities? How quickly and easily will I begin to notice, more and more each day, that I feel assured and positive that I will make my dreams come true?’

The key here is to ask open ended questions that direct your mind to what you want to have more of in your life. You want to be assertive, yes, and delighted, and notice changes, and have it easily and more quickly. So you direct your mind through positive questions.

The use of questions and affirmations help you to visualize. The point of visualizing is to create the feelings of what it feels like to already be what you want to be and have what you want to have. Together, these are a prime directive your subconscious mind gets.

Instruct Your Subconscious Mind As To What You Want

You live it first in your mind, feeling it and as you do you become it more and more in your behaviors. From within to without. Imagine it and you can become it. We become what we think about most during each day. What we think about we bring about!

Discover opportunities to clarify what you want and state it. There are numerous times throughout the day you can assert yourself. Remember to speak only in ways that bless, heal and prosper yourself and others. (See my previous posts about this). For example, act more assertive when you are ordering coffee.

Tell the individual taking your order firmly and politely what you want. Thank them. Don’t ask if you can have one, of course you can. You are paying for it. Be nice and state what you want. Practice this. Be sure to say thank you and smile. A smile shows you are friendly and you are confident.

You do the same with your goals in your mental movie theater. You first decide what you want. Stated in positive terms. Avoid stating what you don’t want. You may use what you don’t want to guide you into clarifying what you do want. Imagine yourself already in possession of it. Feel all the wonderful feelings. Savor them!

Imagine You Already Are The Person You Want To Become

Repeat daily and often throughout the day. Soon you will discover it becomes easier and easier and your behavior conforms to the image you have in your mind. Guess what, your behavior already has conformed to whatever image you have had in your life. If you don’t like the results change that inner image into a more positive and better one.

Who you are on the inside is who you are on the outside. If you want your life to change you will have to change things in your life. You must start with your own self image. You must start by evolving and updating you. You can be happier, you will have more personal and professional success as you imagine a happier and more successful you.

Make this a habit and you will be more readily able to change other habits along the way. You will become confident and secure in getting your goals. You WILL make them happen because YOU can make them happen. You will live knowing that you have the power within you to create the kind of life you want for yourself and love ones.” Rex Sikes

Have a thrilling day!

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*Horizons photo used with permission of Phil Koch.

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I don’t know whether that will continue or not. I do know you will be able to subscribe to the blog and my new newsletter. I hope you will stay with us. I’d hate to lose you or have you miss any blog you want to receive. So will you stay with me? I sure want you to. I’ll let you know when the change is taking place.

Attitude, Blessings, Celebration, Creating The Future, Directed Questions™, Focus, Goals, Gratitude, Habit Formation, Healthy Choices, Intentional Thinking, Learning, Personal Development, Positive Thinking, Rehearsal And Practice, Self Improvement, Unlimited Power

Learn The One Thing Guaranteed To Improve Your Life, Longevity & Happiness?

June 20, 2015 rexsikes Leave a comment

“If there was one thing you could do that would improve your attitude, your mental health and even your physical health would you want to know what it is? Would you do it? Are you interested in maximizing your potential and the quality of your life? If you are please read on.

In my last blog I emphasized recognizing, acknowledging and appreciating your strengths, talents and abilities. Celebrate you good points and your strong ones. This is important for a couple of reasons.

Search Ask Questions

Your mental search and discovery is extremely useful. When you set your mind to look for the positive things about you you will find them. This is precisely why asking better quality positive questions is so important. It is why I have recommended Directed Questions™ for so many years.

Unfortunately, many, if not most people, look for the negative. Don’t worry you will find those as well if you bother to look. Your mind will deliver whatever you focus on and it will deliver multiple examples. Birds of a feather flock together is a useful reminder.

It comes up with more that one answer because part of the way the mind works is by association. It finds relevant, similar examples to deliver. So you want good taste to prevail. You want to be smart about what you search for. Search for what you want to find.

When you search for positive, strengths and abilities you will find them. If you are one of the few who can’t seem to remember many examples at first just keep looking. Keep asking ‘what am I good at?’ ‘what is something else I am good at’ or ‘what other things am I good at?’ Continue to probe and to prod and the answers will soon come.

Reflect And Review

Think about how you interact with people. What you do in the form of activities, work and play? Where you spend time? What you know or are knowledgeable about? Sometimes finding the answers comes from adjusting the question or a word.

For those who think, I am not good at anything (because their use of good represents too high of a standard) they may have to first think about those things they do well at or just better than other things. You may have to keep asking in different ways. In actual use getting answers back from your own brain is pretty darn easy. Keep asking!

Focus on the type of answers you want. What you excel at or in. These constitute resources you have from your past. They are your strong points that you can apply in your present or future. They are things about yourself to celebrate and appreciate. They are part of you and your history. They are your present and your future too.

Remembering and counting these as blessings can help you feel better and be more positive because you focus on your strengths. You set your mind thinking along intentional productive lines. You are more positive because you can find examples in your own history of things you succeed at or accomplish well.

Realize And Recognize

Discover the many different areas you have strengths in and the many additional strengths you have yet to realize. Then keep doing it. Keep doing it. Search, find, recognize, validate and celebrate!

The way to stay more youthful, have more fun, feel better, think better and clearer is to keep learning new things. Learning is the key. It is the answer! When you set out to learn something you establish a purpose or goal. Stay a perpetual learner. It keeps you healthier!

Do you want to be able to ski, to sew, to sell, to speak better. Whatever you want to learn you start off with no ability or not knowing how. You negotiate a learning curve all the while practicing or playing. As you continue you learn to get better or even good at it. You have set a goal and a direction to travel in. Then you traveled.

This is beneficial for many reasons. When you learn new things you have to engage in new behaviors, new thoughts, new ways and different ways of understanding. You need to create new neural pathways. You add newness to your existing skill base.

Celebrate And Delight Be Happy

You actually grow your brain capacity by adding to the neural networks. As you learn and incorporate new abilities and overcome new challenges you keep your brain healthier because the brain loves challenges. It likes puzzles and things to do. It thrives on novelty and being used. You know the saying, use it or lose it.

Use your brain! Use your body to learn a variety of new things. Dedicate yourself to picking up new skills and talents. Have fun discovering other things you may enjoy doing and learning about. Read about them yes, but don’t just read about them get up and out and do them. Consider learning new things you never considered before. Learn on your own and with others. Take classes, get involved. Meet others!

Research has demonstrated that just learning fine finger motor skills such as playing keyboard and stringed instruments, or even finger movement exercises does much to improve overall cognition, keep the brain young and prevent dementia. Exercise and sports contribute to overall well-being and physical health when done properly. Learn new things to do! Get positive mental, emotional and physical stimulation.

Learn to sing, play piano, paint, ski, draw, act, or dance. Sit down and write a play, a script a novel. Learn computer programming or gaming. Take up filmmaking, photography, sports, biking, yoga, any form of art or crafts. Go for Formula 1 driving lessons. ANYTHING! Try crossword puzzles and board games like chess. Challenge yourself. There is so much to choose from. Never limit yourself! Get a coach or mentor!

Keep Learn New Skills Add To Your Strengths

You do not have to go skydiving. Certainly, you can but this isn’t about risk. It is about learning a new ability and adding it to your behavior repertoire. See my previous blogs about adding novelty to your daily routine. Your brain loves novelty. Spice up your days add in novelty. Do things a new and different way. Challenge yourself.

When you have a youthful brain, a positively focused brain, a happier you, you feel and act and behave healthier. You can be healthier too! When you align yourself mentally, emotionally, spiritually you align physically too. Of course, learning to do healthy things and incorporate these into your daily routine helps as well.

Practice well being in mind, body and soul. Every day allows you the opportunity to learn or practice something. Each day you can discover new ways to improve yourself and others. Continue to learn, grow and develop yourself and you can find so much more to be joyous and excited about.

It gives you something to look forward to. So look to your passions. Try things out. Explore and adventure for new things to add into your behavioral repertoire and you knowledge base. Have fun, skip, sing, dance, doodle, and enjoy finding out more of what you are good at. A flower either grows and blooms or withers and dies. Keep growing!” Rex Sikes

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*Horizons photo used with permission of Phil Koch.

What wonderful things can you share, and with whom, today?

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Acceptance, Affirmations, Attitude, Celebration, Curiosity, Emotions, Focus, Gratitude, Habit Formation, Learning, Personal Development, Rehearsal And Practice, Self Improvement, Success

It Is Important To Know What You Are Good At!

June 19, 2015 rexsikes Leave a comment

“Is there something you are good at? Do you have a particular talent? Can you can sing, dance, act or make people laugh? Maybe you are good with people? How about numbers? Do you have a flair for interior design, engineering or mathematics? Perhaps, you are good at writing screenplays, stories, articles or letters.

Maybe you are good in science or at managing money? You could be a wonderful conversationalist or storyteller. What is your talent? What is your passion? Do you like photography, cinematography or making music? Do you paint, sculpt, draw or scribble?

Maybe you like knitting. You could be great with cars. How about kids, you are good with kids! Are you an educator, a cook or a cop? What do you like to do? What are you good at? What is your strength? All of us have at least one thing we are good at. Most of us have a few and some of us many things we are accomplished in.

Become Aware Of Your Talents And Abilities

It can be your work, a hobby or simply something you excel at. It doesn’t matter whether you use it in a job or at play. It doesn’t matter how good you are compared to anyone else. These strengths are what YOU are good at. They are what you are strong in. These are areas you are talented in. Aspects you like and enjoy about yourself.

Recognize your strengths. Celebrate these. Embrace them. Be proud of your abilities. They can be mental skills, emotional skills or physical skills. You might be really good at thinking things through, asking questions and finding solutions.

You could be a great listener, a true friend. You might be good at understanding, loving or being compassionate. Perhaps, you are able to see the bright side in situations and encourage others or find humor.

Know Your Strengths

Maybe you are good at a sport or games. Do you like building or making things. Whether it is making clothes, decorations or carpentry you are good with your hands. You might be musically inclined or play an instrument.

Whatever areas you excel at enjoy and do your best at. Don’t compare others to yourself. It isn’t necessary to be the best just do your best. The key is to accept, embrace and celebrate these aspects of you. After all, they are your resources. Your skills! Your Talents!

Your strengths are things you may have naturally demonstrated a proficiency in or that you learned to acquire. Some may have come more easily or you may have exerted great effort. The point is these are yours!

Embrace Your Strengths And Skills

Take an inventory of the many different areas you do well in. Think about who you are and what you able to do. Note which things you excel at and be grateful. Appreciate yourself. Feel it! Really FEEL IT!

Become aware that you have learned to do many things. You have learned to be mobile. You have learned to walk, feed oneself and dress yourself. You learned ride a bike, take public transportation or drive a car. You learned to communicate, speak, sign, read and write.

You have learned countless things which require complex thinking skills and physical abilities to co-ordinate. You learned these and so many others. Most everything you do you have learned by watching, by experimenting using trial, error and feedback, and by repeating over and over until you got good at it.

Celebrate Who You Are And What You Can Do

You may have done it mostly on your own with help or coaching. The point is you have learned so many incredible things. Do not take this for granted! Stop, think, reflect. Spend time adding these to things those you appreciate and are grateful for. Count your blessings.

We all have strengths and none of us are good at everything. People are good at different things. It makes the world more wonderful this way. Enjoy your talents and strong points. Think about this a lot. Affirm your good points. Do it daily. As you search for strengths notice ones you may not have ever previously considered.

Of course you can list your abilities on a resume or discuss them during an interview. Good to know what your strengths are then. Most importantly is you recognize what you are able to do and enjoy and what you have accomplished already.

You Have Learned So Many Wonderful Useful Things

Come to know your strengths and abilities! Realize you learned these and because you learned them you can learn anything if you want to. Keep growing and finding things that you enjoy, that you are excited about and feel passion for. Live, Learn, Love, Laugh!

You’ll find many things if you will only take the time to really look. Enjoy your discoveries. Keep learning too. Keep growing. Keep stretching and keep using your talents and abilities. Delight!” Rex Sikes

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*Horizons photo used with permission of Phil Koch.

find the fun in this day!

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Attitude, Decision, Energy, Expectations, Faith, Focus, Habit Formation, Happiness, Intentional Thinking, Joy, Personal Development, Positive Affirmations, Positive Thinking, Responsibility, Self Improvement, Self Talk

How To Stop Blaming And Start Living

June 17, 2015 rexsikes Leave a comment

“How do you respond when someone lets you down? What do you do? Have you ever blamed or accused them? Did you later regret it? Have you accused, blamed or found fault with your children when what you really want to do is simply love and nurture them?

We don’t want to blame our kids, do we? Perhaps, you blamed your spouse, of life partner, a sibling or friends. Did it help or make things worse? Usually, it really doesn’t help, does it? Would you like to find a way to help you respond differently?

In my last blog I shared with you some ideas for putting a stop to self blame and working to follow through on promises you make. I hope you will put the information into practice. That is the proper use of knowledge. To use it! Today I’ll share some on how to ease up on others.

Stop Blaming Others

Nobody likes to be blamed.! Find a way to stop. It may sound easier to do than in actual reality but you can make this change if you really want to. Intense desire for change makes it all the more possible.

When you are sick and tired of the old way being and positive you want to move forward in a new way that makes it much more likely. You have to want it! That is important. Extremely important!

Okay, for example: There are times when others promise you something but drop the ball. They promise you but do not follow through. It may feel good to hurl insults at them and accuse them and tell them how let down you are but it accomplishes little.

In the short term you may have the upper hand but it rarely helps you get what you want it to. It is mostly just a way to punish. Your ego may be satisfied but nothing else changes. So do something else!

The key to changing behaviors is changing your mindset. Since thought precedes actions working with your thoughts is the place to begin. Most people can use a positive attitude adjustment anyway.

Determine What You Want

First, you know what it is you want to change or eliminate or at least do less of. You have identified the unwanted behavior. Great, now let it go and identify the behavior you want to do instead. What do you want? This is what you focus on from here on out.

You shift your focus away from blame and to what you want to do instead. Perhaps, it is to understand better; listen attentively; be compassionate; or act more loving. Focus on the replacement behavior not the behavior you wish to eliminate.

When traveling you think of your destination and where you want to go. You determine where you want to end up. You can’t be focused on the city you left, looking back at it and move forward at the same time. You have to look towards where you want to go. Steer yourself towards what you want.

You have to want to change. I already said that, but it is important! Really want it and know what you want.

Phrase It In The Positive

What you think and say is important. It is critical. What you say is a reflection of what you think and feel. Words have their own creative power. So you want to state what you want positively. You need to phrase it in positive words. ‘I want to eat healthy food’ rather than ‘I won’t eat donuts’.

You want the mental image to be of what you want. You want healthy food. You want to eat healthy. You want to eat correctly. You want to eat to maintain your ideal weight. This is what you keep in mind and affirm to yourself.

When you say, ‘I don’t want to eat donuts’ or ‘I won’t eat donuts’ What do you picture in your mind? Donuts! All you end up thinking about are donuts. Remember, we get what we focus on. We become what we think about. It is no different than saying, ‘don’t think of a purple elephant wearing a yellow hat’. Ooops too late.

Since the mind doesn’t process negative language, ‘don’t, won’t, will not’ etc., you want to be certain you phrase your positive affirmation the way the mind processes. State, ‘I want to breath freely’ not ‘I want to quit smoking’. ‘I want to listen for understanding’ rather than ‘I won’t blame’.

Speak Only To Bless, Heal And Prosper

Don’t get hung by your own tongue! What we think about is what we talk about. What we say has power too. If we talk about negative things or talk negatively about things we get that negativity back.

If you state, ‘I am unlucky’, or ask yourself, ‘why am I so unlucky’ your brain will deliver the answers. Most likely will be more than one because the brain won’t stop at just one example of ‘why’.

If you say, ‘I dread tomorrow’ or ‘I’m having a bad day’ you will. You get back what you put out there. Stop it and make it a point to only speak that which blesses, heals and prospers you and others. You can’t be blaming yourself or others if you can only bless, heal and prosper.

Restrict yourself to find only the best things to think and say. It will take some time to form the habit but you can do it if you want to. Correct repetition repeated frequently for long enough is how we form any habit. People form bad habits and good habits the same way. It is time to start forming some positive productive habits.

Take Responsibility

You are responsible for your own feelings. If someone lets you down it is up to you how you chose to respond. If you react out of anger and blame them you are not taking responsibility but shifting it to them. It doesn’t belong with them.

You are responsible for your feelings when you trust someone else to follow through for you. You are giving away your power when you expect someone else to act for you. You are no longer doing it they are.

Right there, at this point, you have relinquished control. If that person disappoints, for whatever the reason, ultimate you set the situation up for that to happen. Own this. It is your responsibility.

You may not have intended it to work out as it did but you placed your satisfaction in someone else’s hands. If they let you down and didn’t do what they promised it may suck. You expected them to deliver and they did not. Maybe, you should not have expected it or you should have done it yourself to be certain.

Do you see what I am aiming at? Yes, they did not complete the act as you hoped but it is your hoping and expecting that is the issue. Some one said, ‘disappointment requires adequate planning’. You wouldn’t be let down if you hadn’t expected them to do something in the first place.

When you put your faith in someone else to follow through on your behalf anything can come up to prevent them. Don’t get bent out of shape. I believe people should honor their word but when others let us down it really is our choice how we respond.

The best response may be, ‘oh well’ and then think how to solve or remedy the situation if it is a problem. Don’t get hooked into the disappointment and blame someone else.

Stop Take A Deep Breath

If you want to respond more positively and not blame you need to not get hooked. Go back and read through my blogs on how to keep from getting hooked. Go back and read all my blogs it would be good to revisit again and again.

Fill your mind with positive inspiring material over and over again. It makes it easier to only think and speak those things that bless, heal and prosper when you fill your mind. Fill it and keep it filled!

When you begin to get hot, flustered, frustrated or angry and you notice it you want to take a deep breath and interrupt the behavior. There is a sequence we each go through when ‘losing control’ or ‘getting angry’. The key is to be come aware this is happening as soon as possible.

When you are get angry what happens? How do you know you are getting angry? Describe what you first notice when ‘losing control’. When you do this you will begin to recognize the sequence; what happens first, then second and after that and so on.

Some people, ‘see red’, or ‘get hot under the collar’, ‘can’t see straight’, or hold their breath, or feel themselves getting hot, or raise their voice, or pound their fist. Notice what happens as you get angry. Pay close attention to what is the very first thing that happens inside you that let’s you know anger is happening.

That is the moment you want to catch. In many blogs I shared insights into preventing the negative unwanted emotions from gaining momentum and flooding you. You want to short circuit those impulses when you get mad and begin to blame.

You stop, interrupt them, and divert the energy into moving in a more positive direction. You leave the old and focus on the new. A great practice is to take a deep breath and as you let it out, sigh.

This creates a pause in the sequence. Take another breath and another. Walk if you need to. Release the energy through productive movement. Shift your attention from what is upsetting or hooking you to what solution you can find. What are you able to do to resolve it? What resources do you have? Think along these lines. Do it!

Manage Your Expectations.

I repeat, anything can happen, anything can come up to prevent someone from successfully following through. So don’t put so much faith in others to please you. It is not their job. You know the saying, ‘Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me’.

You can trust that they will follow through and you can hope BUT if they don’t, for any reason, let it go. You cannot dictate outcomes when you give up control. You need to learn that, adjust and move on.

When you blame you give up your power. You hurl negative energy and that is what you focus on since it occupies your attention. Whatever you focus on expands and that is what you get back. You get more negativity. STOP!

When you assume responsibility you put yourself in charge. You take control. When you are responsible for everything concerning you 100% (even if in reality this may not be accurate) it gives you tremendous power. You assume responsibility.

Claim Your Power Take Control

People can let you down. They may or may not follow through. Sometimes, that is just the way of life. Get over it. There will always be things that don’t go as anticipated. You may have to make corrections for others actions. Suck it up and move on!

When things don’t go as you hoped you can feel bummed or you can put on your positive thinking cap and realize a new opportunity now exists for you. You may not be able to see it yet. You probably won’t be able to. Even if you can’t yet see it there is something there that one day you might discover.

This COULD BE the very best thing that COULD HAVE happened. It COULD be. Only in looking back will you truly know. Time will tell. Expect the best. Stay positive! Often, people look back at something that, when they were going through it, thought it was the worst thing that could ever happen.

NOW, however, they describe it as the BEST thing that ever happened to them. When you look back you are able to see how your decisions led you to where you are right now. A change of perspective allows you to see things differently.

Spend Your Time Wisely

How you spend your time is important. You can be bummed, blame others and yourself. You can let negativity consume you OR you can think, ‘oh well’ and move on. Assume control, take charge, do what you can do to fix it and expect it to work out for the best. Attitude is everything! Stay positive.

You can never be 100% certain they won’t let you down. BUT you can increase your odds. Even then, be wise enough to know, anything is possible and don’t get hooked.

One way to increase the likelihood that they will keep their word is to make it a big deal when they do something for you. Genuinely act so delighted with their attempt that you encourage them to want to please you more in the future.

Teach Them How To Treat You By Going First

Because you respond so positively they don’t want to disappoint you. They like that you are thrilled with them or with their results. Teach them how to treat you by treating them that way first. Encourage!

If you help them feel good all the way through the process they are more likely want to make you feel good with the results. This makes it win win! Whenever you can help another person to win and to feel good do it! It will go a long way towards you feeling good.

When you want something from someone validate that person first. Make them feel good about doing what they are doing for you. Whenever you ask anyone to do anything for you, IMPLIED in your request IS A PROMISE you will be delighted with the result. Keep your promise!

Keep your promise to yourself and to others. Be delighted. Make your tasks and your promises ones you can succeed at. Manage them by making them do-able. Then you will never fail.

Then you can praise and encourage yourself and others along. Life will become much more wonderful when you drop blame and make what you want to happen happen. You can do this! You can find a way and as you do everything becomes so much more delightful!” Rex Sikes

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*Horizons photo used with permission of Phil Koch.

Delight and celebrate this day!

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Attitude, Creating The Future, Emotions, Expectations, Focus, Getting Over The Past, Habit Formation, Overcoming Difficulty, Personal Development, Positive Thinking, Relationships, Responsibility, Self Improvement

Sick Of The Blame Game? Learn The Secret How Not To Play It!

June 16, 2015 rexsikes Leave a comment

“Sometimes you screw up and make a mistake. What do you do? You have had times when either you have hurt somebody else or yourself. Do you own up to it? Do you blame others or do you blame yourself? It is easy to do. What do you do? Do you take responsibility?

After all is said and done if you did it or didn’t do what you were supposed to it IS your responsibility. It is your responsibility. Let that sink in. It is your responsibility. No one else is responsible but you.

It Is Your Responsibility BUT Not Your Fault.

These are not the same. Responsibility means it is up to you. It suggests you have a burden or obligation to follow through on. You do, this is true. You should be responsible to yourself and others. You should keep your word.

Accountability (to be accountable) means you are answerable for or liable for the actions. You are. If you follow through or not on your word, whatever the outcome, you are answerable for your actions. There may be consequences. Usually there are.

Fault, as a noun, means responsible as in ‘I am responsible. It is my fault’. Fault as a verb means to criticize, condemn, attack, and censure. Typically, fault means to blame. Stop blame!

If you are responsible for something and you don’t do it you should accept you did not do it. You are both responsible and accountable. You are answerable to and for your obligation. The buck stops with you. You should not blame others nor should you blame yourself.

You Are Responsible You Are Accountable But Without Blame

Blame is an added on reaction that has nothing to do with you. It has nothing to do with others. It is something you learned to do from others while growing up. In blaming other people you seek to escape the consequences for your actions. You did not, nor do you, want to be punished. No one does, typically.

Parents, peers, teachers, friends have and blamed you while telling you you were responsible and accountable for your actions. The two were unfortunately paired. As a result when things go wrong you look for someone to blame. This should stop! Finding fault is not the key to positive personal development.

You don’t have to blame yourself to accept responsibility and accountability for actions. When you blame yourselves you punish yourself. You learned to be critical, to condemn and to be hard on yourself.

The original intent, most likely, was to insure you don’t escape the consequences of your actions. The intent may have been worthwhile but what you learned to do while growing up resulted in bad feelings, poor self image and self esteem. You can learn to be loving, kind, gentle and permissive instead.

Stop Blaming Yourself

If you tell someone you will call them and you don’t. Accept responsibility and be accountable. Call them and apologize. Make good on your promise. Make no excuses, don’t blame yourself or anything else. Own up!

Be willing to state, ‘I didn’t do it. I am sorry I dropped the ball’. Then make good on it. Do what is necessary to repair the situation. Accept responsibility, apologize and never repeat the same mistake twice.

Repair the situation if you are able. If you are not able to (for whatever the reason) then do whatever you have to do to set it straight. Leave the person you let down better off than before. Never leave someone worse off! Make full amends then go the extra mile.

Then, privately, pat yourself on the back for owing up to it and following through with your original intentions. Pat yourself on the back and congratulate yourself for making good without excuses or blame.

Acknowledge that you took responsibility, owned up, made good, corrected the situation and feel good. Enjoy these good feelings. OWN them! The positive feelings are important! Embrace them!

As you continue the practice of acknowledging yourself positively when you do take responsibility you will learn a new response to it. You will encourage these behaviors to become new habits for you.

Encourage What You Want To Be Able To Do

When you want a baby or toddler to repeat behaviors, if you are a loving parent, you nurture the behavior through encouragement and reward. You help the child feel good about what the child is learning to do. You want good feelings! You praise and promote the child.

Creating pain and punishment leads to fear, helplessness and in some cases hopelessness. Sadly, after the child learns the behaviors, too many people then hold the child accountable and blame if child doesn’t perform as expected. This cycle is repeated in families and by teachers and peers from ancient times to today. It is how we learned to find fault, accuse and blame.

If you try to do something for yourself or family and it doesn’t work out understand that blaming yourself doesn’t help you. Take responsibility and be accountable. That helps! Blame, self criticism, self condemnation, calling yourself names, feeling bad does not. Blame adds insult to injury. Blame is negative.

Find A Way To Release Yourself From Self Blame.

If you want to clean the garage or organize your office or home space but you typically don’t follow through it is easy to fall into self blame. Here’s what you can do when you promise yourself that you will do something. Whatever it is you want to do. If you say you are going to do something – do some thing!

Take tiny steps. Don’t commit to doing it all by a certain deadline. Take it piece by piece. Break it down into easy, manageable tasks that you can easily do. Make it a point that you are going to pick up or throw out or put away one item each time you enter and leave the room.

This is possible. This is completely do-able! It may take longer to get the room cleaned but each time you do something, you want to and intend to do, you can feel good that you are moving in the right direction. You are creating some forward momentum.

Create Small Wins And Doable Actions

You promised yourself you will read inspirational material 30 minutes a day but you don’t. You let yourself down. You broke your promise. Instead of blame or feeling bad commit to less time. Commit to few minutes. How about 5minutes. If you can’t do that 1 minute.

How about a page? One page, a single page. You COULD do that! Put books in the bathroom and read while in there. Take a book with you wherever you go. Read when you can’t do anything else or when there is nothing else to do. You are stopped at a railroad crossing – read! While waiting for someone, or your coffee or meal -read!

If you want to gain or lose weight or change your eating habits. Break it into tiny steps you can easily do and keep doing. Maybe you want to exercise more or relax more. You want to save more money. You want to think more positively. Anything you can think of.

Whatever you want to accomplish you can do. Make it manageable. Remember, drop by drop fills the tub. It is bette to have small wins often than big loses.

It is better to encourage yourself bit by bit than condemning yourself repeatedly for not following through. You can do this for yourself and you can help others to do it for you as well. Win big overall by gathering little wins along the way.

If you are always succeeding you won’t be blaming and criticizing yourself. When you drop that, when you let it go, and you love and enjoy yourself life becomes so much better. You are so much more free to be, do and have anything you want in life.

Next blog I’ll discuss how you might handle it, what you can do, when others let you down.

How To Easily Make And Keep Positive Changes

Learn to keep your promise to yourself. The key to learning and changing and making the changes you want to make and keeping them is this: Do the right things, consistently, long enough. Put into practice your positive practices. DO them! Repeat them correctly, consistently over time and you will make them new reliable habits.

Stop blaming yourself. Stop finding fault. Release yourself. Acknowledge, praise and encourage. The more you do the more you will be able to do. The more often you become aware of opportunity the more opportunities you will discover. Accept mistakes. Be responsible and accountable, correct and move forward.

Don’t bite off more than you can chew. Make it manageable and you can do anything. The tallest building in your neighborhood was built one brick or board at a time. Each day construction workers did a little bit more until one day the building was completed. YOU can do this too!

Be delighted. Make your tasks and your promises ones you can succeed at. Then you will never fail! As you do this you will discover so much more that adds delight and enjoyment to your daily experience. It feels good to be winning. Celebrate and enjoy it! ” Rex Sikes

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*Horizons photo used with permission of Phil Koch.

Have a wonderful!

Enjoy what is glorious about you today!

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Are You Ready To Transform Your Ho Hum Life Into A More Worthwhile, Successful, Positive One?

June 14, 2015 rexsikes 1 Comment

“Today, let’s keep it very simple and very brief. Let’s nutshell it all. Do you want your life to improve for the better? Do you want more happiness, success, love, fun, wealth, better health and well-being?

Do you want to live without worry, fear, and doubt? Wouldn’t it be wonderful to be filled with joy and be at peace too? All these and more can be yours. It is simple.

Feel Wonderful

Focus on the best feelings you have and make it a point to have more of them. It is not that you can’t have great feelings readily available it’s that you don’t think it is possible for you. It is!

That is the thinking you must overcome. It is possible! You can do it! You deserve to do it. You won’t, though, if you don’t believe you can or if you won’t do what it takes. Believe in yourself. Have faith!

Fill your mind and your time with the best thoughts and the most wonderful feelings you are able. If you are down low it isn’t necessary that you become over joyed. It is alright if you move from down to okay. You climb a ladder one rung at a time. Move along!

Think in terms of moving in a direction. You may start off slow and small but you speed up and make improvements along the way.

Think Positive Thoughts Speak Positive Words

Celebrate, be grateful. Live with appreciation for anything and everything. Nothing is too small nor too large to feel gratitude for. Nothing is too negative to not find some aspect to be thankful for.

Learn to look for the silver linings hidden in the dark clouds. The more you are filled with genuine thanks for everything the quicker your life transforms. Count your blessings! Feel the feelings!

Only you can do this for yourself. No one can do it for you. The more you focus on feeling wonderful the more wonderful you will eventually feel. What you think about you bring about!

Do not seek happiness and complain you don’t have it. Focus on and notice the distance decreasing not how far you must travel. Learn to manage your mindset and expectations.

Stay focused on feeling better bit bit, however small that bit may be. Step by step you will make your way. Be gentle and encouraging of yourself as you journey. Keep your talk and self-talk positive.

Live Love Laugh Celebrate

Love yourself. Accept yourself even if you don’t feel like it. Respect yourself and speak well of yourself. Think the best. Speak to yourself nicely.

Love yourself as if you are a small child learning the way for the very first time. Give yourself the benefit of the doubt. Be gentle, nudge yourself along. No one is perfect when first learning to do new things.

Smile more. Laugh! Skip, sing, dance and move. Go for walks. Spend some time out doors sitting quietly enjoying nature. Walk barefoot, ground yourself. Relax, meditate take time for yourself. Have a bath and make yourself comfortable. Enjoy pleasant simple activities.

You eat an elephant bite by bite. No reason to bite off more than you can chew. Take it easy. Have faith. Know that if you do even just a little bit each day, that is more than you might have done and be happy. A little bit each day adds up. You will surprise yourself soon.

Keep Doing It Don’t Stop

Listen to motivational and inspirational audio. Read positive material each day. Seek out positive and productive people to spend time with. Attend positive events and seminars if you are able.

Look for the positive in all circumstances, events and people. Keep focused on what you can do. Celebrate and feel the very best. You can do this bit by bit. Just keep at it. Keep doing these things.

Soon you will be more positive than negative. Soon you will feel better and better. You will become what you think about most often and the results you get will reflect that. You will live with more joy and delight than you can presently imagine! Don’t wait. Transform your life into something amazing. Begin today!” Rex Sikes

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Make today count!

Enjoy what is glorious about you today!

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Don’t Blow Your Top! Do This Instead!

June 4, 2015 rexsikes 1 Comment

“If you have ever felt like you were going to blow your top and you don’t want to you can do this to calm down. Getting angry or getting angrier may not be what is most needed in the moment and you want to be able to be productive and not lose control. How do you get a grip?

When unwanted feelings arise you need to shift into neutral, create a break state, a pause and then shift direction. It is too difficult sometimes to just change. You can steer it as in Aikido. You use the energy offered and direct it elsewhere. That is what we are doing.

You Can Easily Make Changes When You Know How

Head on is too difficult. I have discussed why in previous blog posts. When the momentum is great it is hard to just stop it. You will need to do something first if you haven’t stopped it at the onset. That something you need to add in is the neutral, break state.

A neutral space makes making changes easier because you create a pause when you are being flooded with feelings. The key is to catch the emotional flooding right at the beginning.

This is important. So whenever practice becoming aware at that very moment. Still, this is so powerful you can use it anytime too.

This blog is continued from previous blogs. If you have not yet read those or done the exercises please go read those first. Spend some time developing your skills through mental rehearsal and then return to this one.

Use mental rehearsal to learn what to do when unwanted feelings arise. For example, when you drive a car you know there is a neutral position on your gear shift. In essence, you always go through neutral when you shift gears and change direction.

This exercise will have you create an important neutral space from which you can more easily and readily change. You can use it any time, anywhere, whenever you feel stressed or want to change feelings or thought direction in your mind.

Rehearse And Practice The Skill To Acquire The Skill

It is powerful and can be instantaneous. There may be times when you want to repeat it. It is simple and easy and all you have to do is remember to use it.

That is why we mentally rehearse. You travel in advance of the world so as things come up when you want to use it you will. This is the reason actors, musicians and others rehearse and athletic teams practice.

One of the most powerful tools to use when you need to change your emotional reactions so you can respond more wisely and productively is only a breath away. It is literally taking a deep breath.

A deep breath shifts so many things in your being. It changes the energy moving in your body. If you let out a sigh while breathing it is all the better. That sigh of relief, the sound accompanying the breath, enhances relaxation.

When things are getting hot and you find yourself moving in a direction you do want engage the following.

First learn it and practice it. Then use it when every you need to. Do it in everyday life as soon as possible. It will help greatly.

You Want To Create A Space, A Pause – Take A Break

Go back to another difficult time. Mild. See the events unfold. The usual sequence of events that lead up to that point where you would have gotten angry, frustrated, fearful, worried, sad, confused, overwhelmed whatever it may be.

Watch it in your mind in your mental movie theater and when you get to that point where you would lose it STOP and watch yourself take a deep breath! Then another.

Watch yourself create space by stopping and taking a deep breath. Watch yourself shift your physiology. Shift your body, alter how you stand and move. Breathe and shift. Walk it off! Take a break from your problem.

Take a pause when things start to get critical. Everything is moving along and then suddenly you are going in a direction you don’t want. STOP, take a deep breath, shift your body, walk or do something different AND CHOOSE A POSITIVE RESOURCE.

Go through this process just as described and you watch yourself get to the point where you, would have in the past behaved in less than glorious ways only this time, see yourself stop, take a deep breath, shift your physiology and behave in the new resourceful way. From start to finish. Do you like what you see?

Adjust It As Necessary

Stop and take a deep breath and add in the new resource. Realize you have new choices available to you. You you can walk it off right where you are. Manage you self talk. Say positive things. Now you can respond with positive choices. Watch it to the end and then when it finishes shake it off (literally shake yourself a bit).

Once you have recoded one experience from your past then pick at least 3 more times when you have similar response. Change those in your mind. Shake it off after each repetition of the exercise. Let’s say you do one situation 3x you shake off after each time. Then you pick another time and do it 3x with shake 3x and then the last 3x 3x.

Remember to use the shake to change your physiology and end the process. Then take a moment and go back do it again.

Seeing And Hearing And Feeling On The Inside (POV)

Use the other way of seeing and experiencing.

Rerun the process from your POV. Go back and imagine it from this vantage point. From within you can feel the feelings change as you go from the beginning to the critical moment.

Just before that less than glorious eruption you say stop (inside your head) and you feel yourself take a deep breath (and another). You sigh as you let the air out.

Feel the pause or a break in the action, create space, walk it off, manage your positive self talk and choose the resource you have been using for this.

See it, hear it, feel it! Notice how it is different. Feel the changes. Celebrate it and Live it. Then realize that is how it can be in the future. Do it again and again until you feel great about it

Then pick 3 more times when you have similar response. Change those in your mind. Remember, to shake it off after each time.

Maybe once is all you need but since we become what we think about repeat this exercise again and again. Do it daily. Remember you are learning a sequence of behaviors. You are taking charge of your mental behaviors and learning a process.

Take time to go into your past and find resources. Build your library of resources. Go into your past difficulties and change them from being a limitation into a resource. Recode the past by applying a resource where and when it was needed. You are transforming and recoding past memories.

Do you realize this about the situation you changed? That was how it was in the past. It could have been different in the past. It wasn’t you did whatever you did back then and that is okay. That was then and you did your best with what you knew.

It could have been a more resourceful time for you but it wasn’t. Accept it. BUT now you have just recoded it as more resourceful. You have imagined what it would have been like to have had that resource and how things could have been different.

SO stop now and realize you can be more resourceful in the present and the future too. You have more resources you can use when you need to.

Create The Future The Way You Want It To Be

You also are a creator. You can create. You know there may be some situations in the future that could give you difficulty because they may have in the past. These are those situations that seem to happen again and again ever so often. To begin practice pick a mild one of these. Always start with mild. Now let’s recode the future too!

Imagine, in your mental movie theater that future you. Repeat the process watching it unfold up until the point where you stop, take a deep breath and change it from being a difficulty into a resourceful moment. You repeat this exercise as the previous one doing it from start to finish and shaking it off. Repeat 3x or more. Shake it off after each time. Then repeat the process from your POV.

Do this whenever you need to get some space between you and whatever is going on. Perhaps, some driver pisses you off, change it. Take a deep breath, relax slow down, enjoy the drive. Practice this it could be really important some day.

A boss or co-worker is on your back, take a deep breath, sigh and change the energy. Take a break, go to the restroom, calm down and return. Trouble with a family member or loved one. Don’t lose your cool take a breath. Anytime and anywhere this can save the moment Use it.

Re- Cap

This process allows you to recode the past and prepare for the future. During both you search for and apply resources. During both you stop, create a break state or a pause, you use your physiology differently, and you continue forward having chosen a resource.

You are always welcome to add in more than one resource. One is usually plenty, but sometimes adding in two or three presents us with even more awareness and opportunity. So feel free to repeat the exercise (just as described) only with a new and different resource each time.

You may also magnify those feeling 2, or 3 or even 5 times in intensity. It is your mind and you can ramp it up. You already know how to make things more intense in real life. We have volume controls and dials.

You turn it up or press a button. You can do the same thing within your mental movie theater. Re-live it from your point of view and enhance and amplify the wonderful feelings! You know when you have had some energy and when you have been super charged. Pick the more intense examples to use.

Use It And Transform Your LIfe

In the real world you will behave and act more productively as this a becomes habit. Take the time to practice and make it automatic. In the coming days if you have an episode and you respond in the new way, positively, fantastic!

If you don’t and you loose control, no worries! Everyone of us can slip and fall now and then. Pat yourself on the back for becoming aware. Recognize what happened, what you might have done differently, and immediately do the mental exercise for how you’d like to be next time.

Get feedback from the situation, learn from it and continue your practice. What is awesome about the human mind is that you might start off spending 20 or 30 minutes a day, practicing for a month or more to make it a habit.

During this time frame you may be using it too. I hope so! Eventually, you will be do it in less time inside your head. Then even less time. Before long you will run the process in seconds in real life whenever you need to.

Regarding learning and practicing new skills. A flower it takes time to grow. So does a new skill. Stick with it. As you resolve these situations pick other people or situations where you don’t respond as you would like to and work on those too.

Use It Or Lose It

Soon you will have re-coded and re-routed lots of difficult situations. You will have used your mind to change your behaviors. You have taken charge so enjoy it! Celebrate it and validate it.

Any time you fall, get back up, learn from it and do the new behavior in your mind a more productive way. Recognize what you don’t want but stop focusing on it. Drop it and focus on what you do want instead. Remember, we get what we think about most!

Don’t wallow about the old address. You have moved to a new location. Aim your mind in the direction of the new one.

It’s simple to understand, You practice and rehearse what you want for the future. You use your mind the way an actor or athletic team uses rehearsal or practice time. In your mind you act as if you have all the resources you need in any situation. You imagine and act how you want to be.

Our mind doesn’t know the difference between a mental images and images seen through our eyes. That is why this works. We can create a new self image and practice new behaviors. The more you rehearse and practice the better you get. The better you get with it the more you get it in your real life

Use these processes to overcome your difficulties, and learn new ways to be. You can and will transform your life positively if you want to.

What you rehearse, fill your mind with, think about and focus on for most of your time expands. You get and become what you think about. Use your mental movie theater to bring you all sorts of wonderfulness now and in the future! Enjoy making your life more the way you want it to be. Be grateful and be glad! More to come!” Rex Sikes

Use today to live a new way!

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Use This Powerful Way To Keep From Losing It

June 3, 2015 rexsikes Leave a comment

“Wouldn’t it be wonderful to be able to change a moment of difficulty into a less difficult moment? If you could take a stressful situation and de-stress it would you like to be able to do that? There are ways to alter what is happening so that the outcome you get is positive instead of negative.

In this follow up blog post I’ll share with you a method. If you haven’t read the previous blog post go back and read that first. IF YOU HAVEN’T practiced what I shared with you last time spend some time doing that prior to adding in these steps. You want to build a house on a strong foundation so that it stands.

You want to build your abilities the same way. Before, anything else get used to looking for positive past experiences and re-living them. Hopefully, you have started building a library of positive resources. You have also practiced creating the future by imagining that resourceful you in times when you want to be more resourceful.

If you are a regular reader of my blog you know only a day has gone by. Keep in mind there is no rush. Practice the first part until you are facile with it. Then you can add this in. This information you read now can wait while you gain experience in the other first, but you will know the direction we are headed.

As I mentioned in the previous blog, read through this a number of times to familiarize yourself with the process. Once you get the idea of it you can do it while reading through it, or better, as I suggested you can record parts of the process and play them back slowly while you go though it. You will lead yourself through it so be sure to give yourself enough time to do everything thoroughly if you record it.

Build Skills Bit By Bit. Only Move From One Skill On After Getting Good At It

Practice what I share with you in this blog. You can do it easily in the privacy of your own home. In a short while you will notice yourself responding even more productively and positively and your life changing for the better.

Continue to make the positive changes utilizing your Inner Mental Movie Theater. Are you ready and eager to learn more? I’m going to give you some today and then more in subsequent blogs.

Determine How You’d Like To Be And Feel And Behave (Respond) In Difficult Or Less Than Glorious Situations

AT FIRST, pick a mild situation to begin. You can get to the tougher ones later. Start with easier ones while you learn the to go through this process. I mean this! Work your way up from easiest to the toughest in time. Over a period of days or weeks. Get good at the process before trying it on tougher times. Crawl before you walk!

Pick A Mild Situation To Begin With

There are times when you are simply less than glorious. Sometimes you aren’t thinking positively, you’re feeling down or upset, just not optimal.

Choose one to work with. Just one experience at a time. Be specific. Think, ‘I have difficulty when…’ and pick one. It may be in a particular situation, or with a particular person or there is some activity that gives you difficulty.

Find a time and or place where you could use a resource. Said differently, find a time in real life when you could use thinking and behaving more resourcefully.

There are moments in life when things can go any which way but instead of going how we want them to go they end up less than glorious. We loose our cool, we get frustrated or angry, we give in or give up, we cry, we shout, we say things we didn’t mean.

Instead of keeping our cool and being calm or confident we get stressed, harried, fearful or worried.

You most probably have had moments like that in the past. Pick a specific one. Chose a milder one to begin with, remember. Choose an easy one! I mean this! Crawl before you walk! Keep this in mind.

Then go back to my statement above, determine how you’d like to be and feel and behave in this situation instead of how you did in the situation. Consider what would be a more productive, positive way to behave instead of how you used to behave.

Any Resource Is Better Than No Resource

You can pick a specific resource for the situation because you think it would be better. For example, you weren’t confident and you wished you had confidence. That can make it better, yes.

That could be a good resource to have in that situation. Perhaps. A sense of humor might be a good resource to have as well. Perhaps, having the ability to laugh or be silly at that moment would have made it better. Anything is possible. Any resources can transform.

Maybe being patience, or happy or calm or curious would have been better. Curiosity, can be a great resource! The point is there is the resource we THINK would make it better when, in fact, almost any resource would have made it better. This is what is so cool!

It would not have been the difficulty it was and you would have gotten a different outcome if you’d had any number of resources available. Do you get that? There are numerous possibilities! The only limitations we have are the ones we allow. We are really only limited by what we can’t yet consider an asset or opportunity.

Had you moved into ANY other positive state than the less than glorious one you ended up with, it would led to a different outcome. Right? You understand that, don’t you? If not think about it a bit. However the situation played out, any positive resource would have made it different and somewhat better. Maybe completely better!

If it is somewhat better, that is better! So any positive new resource is better than no resource. It is NOT a matter of trying to find the ultimate, perfect resource it is a matter of choosing any resource that will lead you to a more productive outcome and get you more positive results. Do you understand this? Again, if not think about it.

Find A Positive Resource

Be free with your thinking in choosing new opportunities. Don’t be rigid, be relaxed. Open yourself up to infinite possibilities. You are still only going to choose one, or in time, a few, but you have a wide variety to choose from that will make a difference for you. At first, choose ONE to work with.

Learn and practice being more resourceful in a variety of ways. There isn’t a perfect way. There is not only one way. There are a variety of positive possibilities and you can learn and benefit from. Any one of them can lead to more glorious possibilities.

If you want to feel better you want to get feedback on how you can continue to transform your experiences for your benefit. So stay open minded and be willing to playfully explore.

Keep Light And Have Fun With This

Take it slowly and have fun. Be gentle and have fun. Be deliberate and thorough and have fun. Choose mild difficulties at first and have fun. Later move on to more difficult situations and have fun.

When you have learned and practiced and gotten good with the process you move onto larger issues in time. You still have fun because that is what you build into the process. Take it lightly even when dealing with more difficult issues.

There are those times that present us with difficulty. We didn’t behave as we knew we could, or wished we would. We want to take those less than glorious moments and transform them by adding in resources we didn’t utilize or were aware we had at the time.

We want to re-code our memories of the past to be more resourceful so we can choose to use them as resources in the present and future. That is why we spend time building and continuing to build our library of resourcefulness.

A Most Important Benefit Is You Become What You Think About

The reason why I want you to go and find all your positive times and relive those and catalog those and have experience recreating those is for you to have them available as choices whenever you may need to.

If you spend a large portion of your time devoted to finding resources and living them and creating them it makes you more resourceful. Your life will change for the better.

Utilize Any Of These Resources When Times Get Tough

A second benefit is you can utilize any of these resources more readily when times get rough if you have wired them in and made them automatic and available. What you think about you become. When you become more resourceful you can handle future difficult times better. Do you get how this works? It builds on itself.

There are times when everything goes your way. Maybe you feel on top of the world, or extra joyful. These are resources!

You got some news and you feel very happy. There are times when you simply feel fine, but more than fine. Super fine. YOU feel GOOD but not like a superhero. There are times when you feel confident, capable, certain you can do anything. Other times you feel silly or you have a sense of humor.

Still, at other times you feel relaxed, calm, peaceful or at ease. Sometimes you are concentrated and focused, sometimes playful. At times you are focused on your needs at other times you are attentive and helpful to others. All these constitute useful resources.

Re-live It: Feel Now What You Felt Then

Go back inside your mental movie theater and re-live some of these one at a time. Notice what you saw at the time, what you heard and felt that made you feel that way.

Get a sense of it as much as possible ! You can even imagine feeling it at 2, or 3 or even 5 times the intensity. You can ramp it up. Re-live it from your point of view.

Build them one by one by revisiting these memories again and again.

Watch It: Feel How Good It Feels To Be This Way (Selfie)

Imagine the other way too. See yourself in the situation (selfie) looking the way you do when you are resourceful in this fashion. How do you look, how do you use your body and move. What does your voice sound like. You can see that you (in the movie) feels great.

Feel how incredible you would feel to be this way. If everything for your future you was going right, and you were everything you wanted to be, doing what you wanted to be doing and having what you wanted to have. How would you feel? Feel that!

Enjoy these. Do this each day. Build a library of incredible feelings, talents, abilities, and resources. Let’s call them resources states.

Practice each day. Realize that whenever you remember these positive times you can feel the wonderful feelings again and again even stronger if you’d like. Strong or not isn’t the point. The point is taking time to live and feel these resources.

You Can Access or Build Past, Present And Future Resources

In order to change your response in the future you want to have one or more of these resources available when you need it. You are going to use your mental movie theater to imagine when and where and with whom you may need one or more of them.

Pay attention to what and how you behave and feel differently when you add the new resources in. First we will change the past.

Go to your mental movie theater and take up a comfortable seat. Watch this experience on your movie screen in your mind.

You are sitting in a movie theater and the screen is over there. The movie begins and you watch yourself go through the experience over there UP UNTIL the point, but not beyond, when it became a difficult situation.

You Are The Director And Editor Of Your Inner Movies

You chose a mild one because you want to be able to STOP IT from being a difficulty. You want to change the difficult moment so it no longer affects you. You want to be free so you want to stop it easily from being an issue. You are going to work as a movie editor.

Watch yourself over there on your mental movie screen in a situation leading to a less than glorious outcome. One you actually experienced in your real life past. Watch it up to, but not beyond, when it started going awry. STOP IT prior to when you behaved as you DO NOT WANT to. As it approaches slow it down and stop it.

Cut the film right there! Edit! You snip away the less than glorious reactions you had. As an editor you would throw them in a bin on the computer or let them drop on the cutting room floor. Then insert the new resourceful behavior. Paste it in at the precise point.

Paste it in so that from the critical point on you now watch yourself behaving in the situation the way you WANT TO behave. Watch the movie continue. Look at yourself, listen and notice how you feel differently.

Now you run it again from start to finish making sure you behave as you want to until the end. It begins, you watch. Watch the situation begin to turn sour but instead of succumbing to what was used to be YOU NOW think, feel and behave in the new positive way? Watch it again and again over and over. Re-live it and love it!

Notice how you look, what you sound like, what and how you say things to yourself in your head, under your breath or out loud. Notice how you move. Imagine it with as much detail as possible.

Adjust As Necessary

Do you like what you see? Do you like how you feel watching this new you? If it isn’t as good as you’d like it improve it. Add in another resource. Change it in positive direction until it is too your liking. Keep it realistic as you do. Intensify the positive feelings.

Adjust it. You want to behave more positively in the future make your inner mental movie a compelling example of you behaving that way. Tweak it. See how wonderful you look. Notice how you positively interact. Listen to the kind things you say to yourself (or others).

When it is how you like it – spend time reviewing it this way. Notice how it is different and more positive. Then realize that is how it can be in the future.

Whenever you watch your inner movie in this way you want to end it completely before you do it over again. So watch it to the end and then when it finishes shake it off (literally shake yourself a bit) or get up, move around, do a jumping jack. Anything that creates a shift.

Go inside and change a few other mildly difficult times this way. Pick 3, 6, 10 however many you wish. Practice recoding them. Review them with the new behaviors and how do you feel? Are you moving in the direction you want to move in? Is feeling good? Feeling great?

You are building and practicing a skill. If you keep at it you will build the habit of looking for resources whenever you encounter the trigger points in less than glorious situations. This is an incredible skill to have. So you want to practice a lot. Don’t believe me build it for yourself!

There is more to this process and we will add on to it. It gives you another powerful alternative way to accomplish the same end. It is a useful approach for you to learn. Practice and practice. You will be amazed at how easily you can make changes. More Next Time!” Rex Sikes

Have a majestic day!

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How To Keep Yourself From Losing It & Have A Happier Life

June 2, 2015 rexsikes Leave a comment

“Do you have any of those moments when you know you are about to lose it? You may blow your top or crumple in a heap of tears. Are there times when you realize you are worrying unnecessarily but haven’t been able to control it? Perhaps, you are stressed and overwhelmed or you got hooked into an argument and you would rather be free?

If yes, to any of these unwanted feelings, or other ones you may experience from time to time, there IS something you can do to make it different. You can make it better and even prevent it. Wouldn’t you like to know what you can do?

You can learn to be different if you will practice what I share with you in this blog.

You can do it easily in the privacy of your own home. In a short while you will notice yourself responding more productively and positively and your life changing for the better.

Sometimes, the best way to learn new methods is in seminars or workshops, or one on one, with a coach or a guide where you can practice the process in advance of needing it. Working together with someone is real hands on. That is always well worth it. By having a qualified person assist you – you can learn nuances and pay attention to elements you might otherwise miss. A great coach is great to have!

In lieu of getting training you can still make the positive changes on your own inside your Inner Mental Movie Theater. Are you ready and eager to learn how? I’m going to give you some today and then more in subsequent blogs.

Today Is The Beginning Of A Process I Share With You

Once you have all the process you may want to record it so you can follow along. Today, smart phones can come in handy this way. Read through these instructions a couple of times at least. There will be more information to record another day.

Familiarize yourself with the process. Then actually do what is being asked of you. If you only read about it and do not apply it you will not experience the benefit from it. If you don’t attempt it you will never know how powerful it can be. You have to do the work to get the results you want.

First: Determine How You’d Like To Be And Feel And Behave (Respond) In Difficult Or Less Than Glorious Situations

What do you want to be like instead of doing what you do? You might want to be confident, strong, fearless, happy, loving, silly, playful, energetic, caring, calm, relaxed, thoughtful, patient, anything that is positive for you.

There are times in your past when you have felt good this way. You can recall them, remember them in your mind, and remember the feelings. For example, when you felt happy about something. Notice the feelings, where did you feel them the strongest? Aren’t they wonderful? You feel happy!

Enjoy the feelings of when you feel happy! What are you thinking? What are you saying to yourself when you are happy? How do you think about yourself in that moment? Isn’t it wonderful to feel good? How does the world look when you are happy? Maybe a bit brighter? Notice whatever you notice when feeling happy. Linger with it. Savor it. Enjoy feeling happy.

Really take time to relive the happy part of the experience. Notice and enjoy the sights, the sounds, the feelings (even taste or smells if there are any) while feeling this resourcefulness. End it or cut it off while still feeling happy. Don’t let it fizzle out.

You want your primary attention and time spent feeling the good feelings, and letting or making the good feelings intensifying during the memory. If they start to fade or diminsh cut it off, stop it, shake it off (literally shake yourself a bit) and end it. Take a few breaths and do it again. Learn to create poignant positive moments for yourself. Bookended!

It is: Feel happy, It increases, And out!

If you were to imagine a bell curve close to the top of the bell say at 9 or 10 o’clock position would be the entry point. You feel happy. It increases or intensifies upward towards 12. Then it starts down the other side of the bell curve. Do you get it? You come in feeling happy, intensify it and exit,

Stop before it starts the downslide. This is how you teach your brain to give you what you want. You want to feel good and feel it increase. Linger in the good feelings and when the feelings begin to diminish exit. Wash, rinse repeat! Do it again!

Develop The Knack Of Re-living And Creating The Precise Moments You Want More Of

What is so amazing is you can use your mind to travel back to times, and places, and events and with people, or engaged in activities when and where you felt these positive feeling states. You can recall and re-live them all while sitting in your chair!

Just as when you are out somewhere and something triggers or jogs a memory in you and you enjoy revisiting it. You can deliberately do it. You summon it up. You go back and recall.

Think about, recall a time when or remember a specific place you felt happy. Maybe some activity you do makes you happy or a special person? Fox example, pick a specific instance of being with a person who you were happy with? What were you doing that made you feel happy? It could be anything, such as a sport, a conversation, seeing something happen, getting good news, being at a party. How the person looks at, speaks to or touches you. Anything!

People, Places, Activities, Time, or Things

To help you remember you can think of people, places, activities, things, or a time when you felt these feelings. For example, think of some activity that makes you feel good. Consider, what were you doing, who were you with, where were you?

Ask whatever questions you need to in order to recall more details from the positive memory. These questions can help make it more vivid. Ask, who, what, when, where, why and how did any of these make you feel?

Once you make this a habit you won’t have to consciously work so much. It will all come quite naturally. Search through your experiences and find them. Maybe you felt happy on a vacation. That particular place brings back happy memories. Or at home.

Any particular place, a quiet power spot no one knows about but you. Young or old. Memories from the past can be yesterday or go way, way back.

For some the smell of fresh baked bread will take them instantly to another comforting place and time. For others the smell of fresh cut grass does the same. Some people feel patriotic when they see symbols of their country. Music makes us feel many things, relaxed, loved, horny, powerful, heartbroken…

You Can And You Should Go And Find All The Wonderful Positive Memories From Your Past

You can find them. You will as you keep searching. Some are pretty available. This is an important part of self discovery and evolution.It is important to find and focus on the positive in our life more often because we become what we think about. It gives us much more to feel grateful about and celebrate.

What we think about we bring about. Birds of a feather flock together so we find that we get back more and more of what we are thinking about. Think positive!

What you are learning in this, of great importance, is that instead of remembering and reliving past disappointments and being a victim of them, or remembering past positive times with longing we can do something about it.

We don’t have to live with the hurt and the longing we can live positively happily and powerfully. We can fill our mind and being with the positive feelings, and images, and sounds of our positive experiences.

Imagine How Much More Wonderful Life Would Be If You Enjoyed More Positive moments overall.

Now you can. You can go back into your past and begin to unlock all the positive moments there are to relive and enjoy. These moments, these wonderful feelings constitute resources you can begin to use in the present and the future. You can literally transform your experience at any time.

Second: You Don’t Have To Go Back. You Can Imagine Yourself In The Future Behaving As You Want To Behave.

The ideal you! The person who has it all together. Imagine what you would look like and sound like if everything worked out well for you. You think positive, you feel awesome, and life is grand. As you imagine that notice how this makes you feel. Feel it! Enjoy the feelings!

You can pick any one of the states. Confidence, for example. Notice how you look. The look on you face. Your eyes, your smile your confident expression. Notice how you stand, move, walk and use you body to express being confident. See how you gesture while you speak confidently and with authority.

You are confident, you are self assured, certain, powerful and positive. Watch yourself, as if on a movie screen, and notice how you feel as you enjoy yourself behaving this way. Make it absolutely wonderful. Adjust it.

Make it wonderful this is you creating it. Just as an artist paints on a canvas paint a powerful mental image of you being confident (or whichever resource). It’s you mental movie make it exactly what you want it to be. Make it outstanding! After all, this is using your brain, your mind to imagine, so imagine the very best, Spend time enjoying the marvelous feelings.

Make These Inner Mind Movies Spectacular

Make them soothing if you need them to be relaxed. Joyous when happy. I’m sure you get the concept. Spend time living in this future world. Enjoy the future you in these mental movies. Enjoy the past movie memories.

Consider where you want to be like this, when, with whom, doing what? Use the questions to focus on different times and places in your near and distant future when you want to be resourceful like this. Imagine it fully.

Two Ways Of Seeing: Recalling And Creating

There is something else you may or may not be aware of. There are two ways you can create images and you can remember in your mind. You can watch an event with you in it as if you are watching a video, or selfie of yourself. You can see you and others and the location and the circumstances as a video or movie.

The second way of seeing is through your own eyes. It is your point of view (POV). You don’t see yourself but you see what you see as if in real life. For example, in the number one way of seeing you might see yourself sitting inside a new car from the outside the car on the drivers door side. Or you might see yourself through the windshield, or windscreen of the car right there with your hands on the wheel.

In the second way of seeing you are in the car, feeling what it feels to sit in the seat, comfortable or not. Leather or otherwise. You might smell the new car smell. And you would see your hands on the steering wheel and feel yourself griping it. You’d see out the windows, the dashboard and if you look down your lap and legs.

You don’t see the entire you because what you see is what you actually see in the real world when you look out of your eyes. Your Point Of View (POV).

So there are at least these two ways to see, recall and create. You want to recall your memories first however you recall them. You want to live within them and feel and see and hear everything you are able. You want to re-experience the good feelings. Then you want to do the other way.

So whether you first begin with POV or not notice it and after awhile spending time doing it this give the other way some practice time.

Repeated Correct Practice Makes A Perfect Habit

Remember, this is practice. This is how you are going to build a positive new habit. You will enjoy this habit building. You practice daily, whenever you are able, going back and finding positive times from your past and reliving them as fully as possible. Spend dedicated time doing this. Find as many as you are able. ONE at a time.

Build your mental library of resources. Spend dedicated time going into the future and imagining yourself with all the resources you want to have. One at a time. Imagine people, places, events, activities, situations where you want more of these good feelings and resources. It can be any time, not just a difficult time but wonderful times as well.

Imagine yourself living in the future positively and resourcefully. Build a library catalog of positive future resources. Spend dedicated time doing this too. Do it also whenever you can during your day. Practice both of these using both ways of seeing. Do one at a time. POV for while. The come back later and do those over again but see it as a selfie video. Practice that for while.

Eventually, you practice and do both. In doing these exercises you are building so many positive skill sets and will develop so many positive resources and habits it will amaze and delight you.

Stop! Take a breath and relax for a moment and imagine how fantastic life will be in the near, near future as you feel, think and act so much more resourcefully. Imagine how incredible you will feel as you tap into your inner resources more frequently and fill your daily moments in this way.

We Become What We Think About. What Consumes The Mind Controls Us

You now have the opportunity to become more happy, confident, peaceful, secure, loving, patient any way you’d like to be more of. You can feel anyone of these and all of them more frequently in your day to day. Isn’t that wonderful? It really is! The more time you spent recounting, re-feeling, recreating, re-experiencing positive memories and moments the more you get back.

SO keep going back and finding them. Find one, then find another one. Have fun finding out how many positive, resourceful moments you have actually had. Some will be real easy to discover, the ones you always remember, but as you continue to look back you will unlock and remember others you haven’t thought about in a long time.

Project into the future again and again in a variety of ways. Imagine your future, specific times and places and people you want to enjoy more. You want to have more fun, delight, and resourcefulness. Spread all the wonderful good resources and feelings throughout your future.

The byproduct of doing this is that more of you present gets filled with positivity as well. You live better right now too! Imagine, you go back transform your past by looking for the good in it, you feel great right now and start getting results you want and you code you future for all this goodness too. Pretty cool, wouldn’t you say?

Do All These Exercises In The Spirit Of Fun, Exploration, Adventure, And Play

Somethings may happen quickly or slowly it doesn’t matter stay with it playfully. Somethings happen instantly some take longer that is just how it is. Consider doing this as if you are planting a beautiful garden.

You plant the seeds and they take time to grow. Some come up sooner than others but eventually the garden appears. Relax, enjoy, keep practicing and let it happen. The benefits will be there.

Some things are simpler and easier than others just stick with it. Speak gently to yourself through all this as if you were a loving, compassionate coach helping you along. If things are tough they are tough no reason to get discouraged. Have fun, be patience, keep the faith and it will pay off.

My son told me today, that doing the top of the pyramid on a three high (three levels of water skiers on each others shoulders forming a pyramid) is scary. BUT he does it any way. He faces his fear and makes the climb and even while on top it is scary but exhilarating. Keep going, don’t let anything stop you.

There is noting to fear I only use that example because some people get frustrated if everything doesn’t occur over night and quit. You have to face the fact that somethings just take some time.

So if they do be prepared to hang in there. You will discover so much more delight than you can ever imagine if you make this daily ritual, a daily routine and practice.

You can’t even yet begin to appreciate how everything can and will transform when you apply yourself in this way. I’ll share more next time as we continue this exploration.” Rex Sikes

Find enjoyment everywhere you look today!

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Do You Ever Get Hooked Bad? How To Get Unhooked!

June 1, 2015 rexsikes Leave a comment

“What do you do when you get caught up? Something happens and it bursts your positive bubble. Your momentum is thrown off, the apple cart upset. How do you react? How should you? How could you? Is there a better way to behave when when s–t hits the fan?

First, to ‘get caught up’ is an apt description. We get caught, hooked just like a fish. We think things are great and the next thing you know we swallowed a big hook. That sucks! What do we do?

We do whatever it is we do. Nature takes its course. We may get angry even while knowing it would be best not to. We may do things against our better judgement and against our own best interests. It happens. Sometimes we react without thinking and sometimes we react while thinking we ought to be doing something else.

We are hot and bothered but not in the good way. We are hurting, angry, scared, lashing out. We are desperate and convinced the world is ending or at least turing bad on this very point. We are absolutely hooked and we are reacting automatically. Again, we are caught up in it.

Whatever it is triggered a response from us. An unwanted, painful uncomfortable response. Maybe we yelled at ourselves. Perhaps, we shouted at a loved one or co-worker. We created pain for others too. Why not? Maybe they hurt us first? Right? Wrong!

Nothing justifies a poor, bad or negative reaction. There is no excuse for yelling at ourself or others. However, if that is what happen that is what happened. I will come back to this in a moment. The first thing is to acknowledge, whenever you become aware, is that you reacted as you did. Accept responsibility and realize you did as you did.

The truth is you went haywire. You lost control. You fought or fought back. Whatever it is accept it. There are consequences to our actions. For every cause there is an equal and opposite effect. You may have started other wheels spinning or like dominos you just knocked over the very first one.

Ok, that is what was, and what might be. First, accept responsibility without blaming yourself for your reaction. YOU reacted. YOU lost control. Sad to say so but that is what happened. Accept it without shaming yourself. That won’t help you end that issue.

Accept you behaved poorly, acknowledge it, and turn your attention to how you could have behaved or responded better or more appropriately. What could you have done differently, even though you didn’t?

Figure out what the most positive response is that could benefit everyone in a positive and productive way. How might you have behaved that could have kept things in check (possibly) instead of them rampaging out of control?

In order to behave better in the future you have to know what behavior you want instead. YOU just got slammed right in the face big time with the behavior you don’t want. Consider it a godsend. Pretend someone somewhere, the universe is sending you an incredible message and opportunity.

Your hot, negative, unwanted thoughts, feeling and behaviors are all exactly what you don’t want. Hopefully, the messenger gets through because the messenger tells you, ‘okay that happened, own up to it, make restitution, and NOW focus on what you DO want instead.’

You reacted instead of responded. You reacted to whatever the circumstances dictated and you fell victim to it. Hey, we all do it so blame is not the name of this game. Get over yourself. Determine your positive course, the positive thoughts, feelings, behaviors and results you want in your future instead.

The first key in getting unhooked is to notice that YOU got hooked. Then, once you notice it, you do what you need to to get unhooked. In the human’s case we need to focus on what we want and where we want to end up instead. We want more productive responses next time.

There are many ways to do this I will discuss in future blogs. We can use our imagination, our internal movie theater, self-talk, affirmations, Directed Questions™ and more for just this sort of thing.

My point is this: We evolve ourselves. In evolution somethings take time. Some things take repeated examples or exposures. Some lessons it seems we have to learn again and again until we eventually get it. AND THAT IS OKAY! That is just the way it is.

We may want it to be different. We may wish it were like all the promises the media makes for instant relief and magic gadgets but life is more like a flowering garden. Beautiful things just take some time to appear. We grow, adapt, and evolve.

So again no blame, no shame. The best thing you can do is acknowledge your reaction and pat yourself on the back and hope you will notice the next ones too. Praise yourself not for your reaction but for you becoming aware that you reacted and were focused on what you did not want. This provides you a choice point and the opportunity to change.

This increases the likelihood that you will become aware and notice quicker in future episodes because you aren’t punishing yourself. No one likes that. Well, at least fewer people do. Awareness is the doorway that opens for you to find new opportunity. Validate your awareness and it willingly works to benefit you.

Determine to respond better in the future. Again, I’ll share more later but if you read my blog regularly there are lots of tips and secrets and practices and principles you can apply right now to begin doing that.

Own your reaction. Take responsibility. Make an apology genuinely and promise to never do that again. Do whatever must be done to correct any wrong doing or harm. Help provide healing. Sometimes that means walking away too and leaving the other person alone if they request that. Be respectful!

That last point is an important one for behavior in the world. Walk away.

‘When we ‘react’ it causes pain because it is a ‘knee jerk’. It means we have no choice. We actually do have choice but it happens so fast or things start snowballing out of control that it seems as if we don’t and we can’t help it.

We always have choice and the choice point is right smack in the beginning. Something happens outside of us or within us to set it off. Things start happening. There is actually a sequence. It may seem one moment we are fine and the next we flew of the handle but there is an actual sequence of events that happen in real time.

Neurons fire. Neural pathways are activated. Signals are sent Hormones and chemicals are released. Our body is preparing for FIGHT OR FLIGHT!

In jungle days with real world predators we needed this to run very fast or fight very strong to survive. We need it much more rarely in our modern world and we don’t need it when most arguments ensue.

BUT IT IS THERE anyway. To serve us. Because we think we are being threatened when in fact we are, but not in that life-threatening way. We need to learn to better respond and adapt to our circumstances than be walking around as jungle cave people in the 21st century. Don’t you think?

Because there is a sequence it takes time. YES, it happens very fast. REALLY really fast. BUT you can still catch it. THAT is precisely why we want to encourage our awarenesses. We want to become aware as it is happening that there is something WE CAN DO instead.

We can actually divert the behavior into new more productive behaviors and new neural pathways.

We just have to catch the moment first. AT the very instant of the trigger, we are caught unawares, and then the body takes over and begins to release chemicals. As these chemicals and the neurons begin traveling their routes we feel the changes.

Maybe we get ‘hot under the collar’ or ‘red in the face’ maybe we ‘see red’ or feel tension increase. Anything, any way you describe it, is possible.

The point is to become aware as this happens. As the chemicals release its called Emotional Flooding. We get flooded with feelings and sensations. IF we notice them, again the reason awareness is important, we can change them right then. We have this choice brief choice point to give us time or room to respond differently.

Imagine for a moment you are at the top of a hill with a huge boulder. You are in front of it. It begins to roll down hill. ALL you have to do is put your arm out and you can stop it from rolling. You really can. The reason you can stop it is that it just began. You caught it right in the beginning.

It didn’t have time to build momentum. Had you been four or five feet away, or ten or more you would not be able to stop it at all. You would have to jump aside. It has too much momentum by then. It is the same with our emotions flooding us. If we catch them right at the beginning we can be different. IT can be different.

This flooding seems fast and is because the neural pathways have been traveled countless times before. They are well worn and utilized. In order to change we have to provide new pathways. It will take awhile for them to get well worn in too. Still, we do have choice.

Awareness is the first step. The second is to decide to choose what else to do instead. One of the best things to make habit is to take a very deep breath. Breath. Breath again. Breathing helps to change what is happening in the body. So does pacing or walking as long as you don’t use the walking to build momentum.

Take a deep breath. Change your body posture. Move, walk, don’t remain in the same place. Keep breathing slowly. EMT’s are known to have a person walk off the adrenaline when in an accident or a near miss.

When the flooding happens people get jittery as the chemical floods into the system. You can’t get rid of it, you can’t just dump it. but you can use it in a managed activity. Walking. You could skip or dance but on the street they also are concerned with safety. So move calmly and breath to better utilize what the body is giving you.

Take a breath. Create that pause in the flood. Use your own body to stop the momentum and you prevent the emotional boulder from shooting down the hill. You can stop the flooding. It can be done. You divert it into a more productive and less destructive path.

Choice is important. When you make a decision you can change your thoughts and feelings to respond in a more beneficial manner for yourself and others. You can choose to walk away from the fight.

It may not seem like it now but you really can. You can choose to do nothing at all. It does not, necessarily, require that anything be done just because you got hot.

When you create the pause, the gap, that room, you can begin to see that this is true. You don’t have to continue on you can respond differently!

The only way to decide differently is to create that space by making the pause happen. You create the pause, which slows the flood, you positively manage the resulting emotions converting them into other relaxed responses. You get your head clear.

You are creating new neural pathways. You are changing the old route to a new one. The result is the same as when you moved to a new residence. You have a different address. You end up in a different place.

You pause, (breath and move and continue to) you relax, let go, and continue as needed. You direct your mind to more useful places, thoughts and behaviors (Directed Questions™ were created for this).

YOU chose a new more productive, positive, useful response. It could be anything. As long as it isn’t the old one and it is positive and constructive you are doing yourself a great service.

You have just stopped the emotional flooding, got unhooked and created a new neural pathway to travel to a new address. Fantastic! Celebrate and be grateful!

Appreciate that you have taken control instead of being a victim of your own chemistry and emotions. You determined you were going to re-route them. Pat yourself on the back!

Just as when you actually move from one address to a new address you may, from time to time, discover yourself taking the old way to the old home. This can happen with behaviors too. In time, by taking the new route to the new place enough times you make it a well worn pathway.

You have lost nothing. You can still always find your way to the former residence, if you were to choose to. You haven’t lost anything, you aren’t deprived of anything. What changed is you have a new, more useful productive, constructive pathway to a beautiful new residence.

Travel there happily. You find you don’t even think about the old route but you could if you wanted to. How cool is all of this? Pretty wonderful, if you ask me. You always have choices available.

In the next blog I will share with you a ways to wire this in. The one after that I’ll discuss developing a new mindset to give yourself new choices. Meanwhile celebrate and enjoy!” Rex Sikes

Find delight in your day and night!

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