Tag Archives: Habit Formation

You Screwed Up! How To Get Over It!

your best teacher your last mistake

“You screwed up! Big or small? It doesn’t matter. We all make mistakes. The big question is what to do when you do make a mistake? How do you keep going?

Okay, this won’t be the first time you heard this. You are human. Humans make mistakes. That is what we do. That is how we learn. From our earliest moment we are screwing up and it is informing us and teaching us.

BUT since we went to school we hate messing up. We hated those red marks on our tests. We were told everything we did wrong. SO we developed an aversion to it. We developed a fear for making mistakes.

We responded out of sorts. We don’t like it. We are afraid of it and feel bad when we screw up.

Stop Focusing On Mistakes

If we focus on what we don’t want we get more of what we don’t want. If we spend time worrying about making mistakes it is more likely we will make them.

If we think ‘don’t screw up’ it is not any different than telling a child ‘don’t spill your mill’. You know what happens when we do that.

Focus On What You Do Well

You have to live fearlessly and expect the best. You need to plan for success and not let mistakes bother you so much. You are so much more than your occasional screw up.

You do more things right than you do wrong. Celebrate that! Embrace this! Accept it! You do plenty of things well and quite well.

How We Learn

As a child you learned to roll over, sit up, crawl and eventually walk by making more movements than were necessary. These movements were way off base. They weren’t at all close to what you need to balance or move forward easily.

When you learned to feed yourself you repeatedly missed your mouth with the spoon getting food all over the place and yourself. You made movements way off base.

You never thought to call them mistakes. They were! They were necessary for you to eventually hone your skills and get the food in your mouth. They were necessary for balance, movement, navigation.

These are called Unwanted Parasitic Movements. Name sounds horrible but you needed to learn how to stop doing them in order to get the spoon to your mouth, for you to sit up, crawl and walk.

They were absolutely required. They were larger than necessary, not even closed to the refined movements you learned to make because of them. It is like coloring outside the lines. You went outside the lines while learning to color inside the lines.

You learned to eliminate all that was unnecessary in order to refine and perform these skills. You got rid of these unwanted parasitic movements to smoothly navigate the spoon to your mouth.

It was all done through repetition. It was all learning. It was all ‘not that way but this way’ when it came to aiming your arm and hand to your mouth.

When you watch an infant sit notice how much it moves as it is learning to sit comfortably still. The infant is learning to balance from all these extraneous movements.

Good thing you couldn’t talk or think about it as you do now, you’d have quit after the first or second try, starved to death and would not be reading this blog.

Accept Mistakes As Part Of Being Human

Mistakes are part of evolving, growing, developing. If you deny making them or get caught up in thinking about them, over thinking about them or worrying about them you will only be miserable.

You will stagnate and prevent yourself from learning valuable lessons. You will make it tougher on yourself. Pat yourself on the back when you make a mistake and say to yourself, ‘You did the best you could. Better luck next time’.

Realize we all make them and they are a part of life. Embrace yourself, forgive yourself. Embrace your mistakes, forgive yourself for making them. It is absolutely ok.

Yes, there may be consequences and you may need to make restitution for your mistakes that should be understood. That is part of the process.

Don’t shirk your responsibility when a mistake affects others. Ask forgiveness do what you can to rectify it. Be positive and proactive. Do not let it ruin you. Make good on it and get over it.

Mistakes Make You More Attractive

People like people more who are able to forgive themselves and admit their mistakes. It actually makes them more attractive. There is the story of a popular television entertainer who was supposed to run up a flight of stairs during his TV special.

He stumbled and fell. The producers said, ‘don’t worry we can edit it out’. He said ‘leave it in’. He understood that it would make him more human and that the audience would feel for and pull for him seeing him falter but continue to go on. And he was right!

Happy people know this inside. They know that making a mistake is actually a learning experience and an opportunity. Since we all make them and it is probable we will continue to make them the best approach seems to be relaxed acceptance.

Don’t get bent out of shape. Keep moving forward. The more you can celebrate mistakes the less the sting. When you are able to embrace and accept, acknowledge, learn and move on your life takes on a much more wonderful quality.

When you give yourself permission to screw up or fail it takes the sting out of it. You will find yourself hurting less and feeling better more frequently. Attitude is important. It makes all the difference in the world. Keep on making mistakes and keep on learning and growing!” Rex Sikes

Have a wonderful day!

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Dream Big: Don’t Let The Details Stop You!


“What do successful people have in common? What is their mind set and behaviors? Why do they succeed while others don’t? Is there a difference between them and the other people?

Can you do what they do to get the results they have? Yes absolutely!

It is important to know what you want and to dream big.

Know your definite chief purpose and develop a burning desire or passion for it’s fulfillment.

Dream big and keep the dream before you in your minds’s eye. Think about it day and night. What consumes you controls you.

Don’t fret about the details.

Do not get caught up in the how. Do not let not knowing how you might accomplish it stop you from going after it. Go after it.

Go as far as you can go and when you get there you will see farther. Enjoy your dream. Make it fun and delightful to make it happen.

What you think about you  become.

What you focus on you get. What you think about you bring about. So imagine your big dream as already completed.

Imagine what it is like to be there already. How does it feel to have made it happen? Enjoy these feelings! Let these feelings move you forward.

If life were perfect how would it feel?

How would it feel to be, do and have everything you want? Don’t just answer, ‘it’d feel great!’ FEEL IT!

Accentuate and savor the feelings. Live these feelings again and again each day. Let them drive you. This is what you want after all. You want to feel more of this. THIS, these feeling is what it is about.

Never get hung up in the details when you can feel this way.

The details will resolve themselves and you will find a way. You will develop a plan for making your dream come true.

The the more you keep it alive in your mind the more it will become clear to you. Follow your plan as it unfolds. You don’t need plans to be perfect or in their entirety the entire plan prior to beginning because plans change.

All people who succeed big pursue their dreams

People who succeed pursue their dreams and work their plans. The are dedicated and on target but flexible to change their plans along the way. The persist and adapt.

They never give up they just adjust as needed. They never let a detail stop them from getting what they want. It never occurs to them that they won’t succeed.

Read biographies of top achievers

Read the biographies of those who succeed and you will begin to see the elements they share in common. I share these here in these blog pages for you to read and re-read.

Successful people keep the big picture in mind and never let the specifics deter them. The goal is getting to the destination not how they are going to get there. Keep this in mind!

As for the journey delight in it.

Keep this in mind too! Delight in not knowing. It gives you opportunity to trust yourself and know that you are moving forward anyway.

Celebrate that good things are coming and happening to you even if you don’t know when or how. Have fun on the journey and delight in all things. When you get there you will see farther.” Rex Sikes

Have a wonderful day!

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How To Become A Real Winner

invest in yourself

“What do you think and believe before going into your day? When you get up in the morning do you expect it to be a good or not so good day? Do expect to find smiles mostly or frowns?

Do you plan to be delighted or disappointed? When you play a game do you expect to win or to lose? What do you anticipate? What do you think and believe before going into it?

Do you expect traffic to be a bear or do you expect to enjoy the drive regardless? Do you expect to encounter friendly people and co-workers or ones who aggravate? Do you think of the world as a friendly wonderful place or a hard, cold, cruel one?

Will you profit during a bad economy or lose money? Are you going to book the role in that play or movie or will someone else? Are you going to do your best or not?

Your Expectations Set The Frame

According to researchers much of what happens is due to what we expect to happen. What we believe, think or expect shapes how we react or respond to that ‘reality’ out there. They also suggest that much of that outer reality is actually a reflection of what we do inside our minds. Our perceptions create our reality.

In other words, what we expect to find we may find. What we don’t expect to find we most likely won’t encounter. Yes, there may always be some surprises.

When you feel positive and expect that you are going to win you are much more likely to. When you feel positive and expect to have a great day it makes all the difference in how you experience the day.

When you are positive that you will accomplish your goal; you know in your heart and mind it is possible to do so and you anticipate making it happen, you are much more likely to.

Expect To Win

Our mindset is comprised of our beliefs of what we think is possible or not. It is made up of our attitude whether positive or negative. It is determined by our thoughts whether we think something will be easy or hard.

Positive thinking IS about finding a mindset that serves you well and helps you to feel better. The higher quality your thoughts the better you feel. The better you feel the more you can accomplish.

When you expect or anticipate the outcome you are seeing it in your mind happening as you want it to happen. You imagine it as already already done. You have it ! You see yourself winning. You see yourself as having won.

Your brain knows the outcome you desire and what to do about it when you repeatedly give it the same strong message and images over and over. That is why positively charged emotional repetition is important. Your brain accepts your feelings and images as real.

It knows how to align your inner resources for you to do your best. Your thoughts, feelings and behaviors all work together for that outcome. You are congruent. There is no worry, no doubt or fear, no split in your attention. You are of one mind – the winning mind.

It is easier to win if you expect to win. WHEN you EXPECT to win you already KNOW you are going to win. Your focus is not on winning, because that is a ‘given’, but on doing what is necessary to insure the win.

Your expectations set the frame for you to behave appropriately, to carry out the activities, in alignment with what you expect.

You can expect to win and still lose but at least you will have tried your best. Focusing on ‘I am going to lose, we are going to lose’ insures the inevitable. Focusing on what you need to do to win, knowing you are able to, makes it much more likely that you will.

If you know you can win; if you never quit but  keep on going you will.

How You Begin Winning

Use Directed Questions™ to fill your mind with positive power and energy. Direct your mind repeatedly to what it is you want. Fill your mind with questions that lead you to where you want to go. Questions are powerful because your mind continues to work on them after you ask them and it IS the natural way our minds work.

Use affirmations Affirm it to yourself. Repeat over and over that you are a winner (or whatever it is you want). Develop 5 or 10 that you repeatedly chant while feeling the best you can. Say them out load enthusiastically and powerfully. Feel wonderful while you do. Think about them when you can’t say them out loud.

Make Positive Mental Movies Make positive movies and pictures in your head and review these again. See yourself  looking, feeling and doing what  you want to be doing. Imagine the outcome you want as though you already have it. See, hear, feel everything you doing and how are you feeling when you ‘got it’. See, it, feel it, hear it.

Read and Listen to  inspirational and motivational material each day. Read whatever you are able to read. Don’t bite off more than you can chew. It is better to read less material more frequently than too much too little of the time. Read at least a page a day.

Practice Gratitude! Be grateful for where you are at. Be grateful for the progress you make. Be grateful for the challenges (muscles grow because of opposition, use the challenges as learning experiences). Celebrate and be grateful for everything. It improves your attitude and opens you up to more opportunity.

Isn’t It Difficult

Won’t it be hard? Well, if you don’t golf and you give it a try it will seem unfamiliar, difficult and you may not be very good at first. BUT if you desire to get good at golf you will do whatever it takes and you won’t stop doing those things that make you better. You will practice and play as much as you can. You will read about it watch it, get a coach and you will get better and better in time.

This is true about anything we want to do; sing, play piano, knit, ride a bike, drive, swim, play tennis, type, do mathematics, act, edit, write. It is the same process when we take control of our mind to develop a winning mindset!

Two Great Quotes

When you expect things to happen – strangely enough – they do happen. J.P. Morgan

Go as far as you can see; when you get there, you’ll be able to see farther. J.P. Morgan

You will make your dreams and your goals come about much more swiftly when all of you co-operates to bring them about. When you are congruent in your quest and all your thoughts, feelings, talents, and abilities, your resources, are aligned.

When you are of one powerful mindset, one determined attitude, you are unstoppable. You will keep going until you have what you want. The more you do, the further you go, the more you are able to do and the more you can keep on going,

Do whatever you can, even a little bit each day, to develop your attitude and turn yourself into a Can Do person and you will be surprised at how quickly it all takes hold.

Consistent, positive, correct repetition will develop the skills and habits you need to become a full time winner. Begin today and get a jump on making your dreams come true!” Rex Sikes

Have a fantastic day!

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Do This: You Must Speak This Way To Get Everything You Want!

your mind is a garden

“How you say things to others does matter, right?  There are ways you can talk to someone that increases the likelihood you might get your way or what you want from them and then there are ways that decrease that likelihood, wouldn’t you agree? How you speak and how you approach someone matters, don’t you think?

Then why would be any different when we speak to ourselves? There are ways we can speak to insure we get what we want. There also are ways of speaking to ourselves to insure we won’t get what we want. This makes sense, right?

Speak Positively: Say What You Want

The best way to get what you want it to speak in positive terms. Phrase your language positively. Instead of pointing out what you don’t want point out what you do want.

Perhaps, you have heard this example. When you tell a child ‘don’t spill your milk’ what is the internal mental image the child has to make? The child sees herself spilling the milk.

Then what typically happens? What do you follow up with saying to the child? You typically say, ‘I told you not to spill your milk!’ Right? Because shortly after you said ‘don’t spill’ the child did.

If you tell someone, ‘don’t get mad at me’ what do they usually do? When you say ‘you never listen to me’ does it really help much. My guess, is at that point they start talking about how they do listen.

It is the same as with the example, ‘don’t think of an elephant’. Your mind responds to the language but doesn’t process the word don’t. It doesn’t take it as a command to NOT do something, it only understands what to do, ‘think of elephant’; ‘spill milk’; ‘never listen’.

It Matters What We Think And Say

How we say things to others matters! What we say to ourselves matters too! If you say, ‘don’t forget to pick up bread on the way home’ you forget just as easily as your partner does.

One way to combat this is to express both sides. If you catch yourself saying, ‘don’t forget’ then add ‘remember to get it’. ‘Don’t spill! Carry it carefully.’ This way the picture in their mind or yours is what you want it to be. You want them and you to picture what you want to have occur.

Brains work this way. They delete the negative words and take the rest as a command. This is why we need to focus on what we want and to state things in the positive. This is why we want to think positively. So that we get more of what we want to be, do and have!

While it is true that consciously you know what is meant by ‘don’t spill’ and you can successfully over ride the command and the internal image or representation to spill it, you still had to represent it to yourself. Your mind still made the pictures of you spilling it.

Your conscious mind is tiny by comparison to your unconscious, or subconscious, or other than conscious mind. You don’t want to fill your larger powerful subconscious mind with images of what you don’t want to happen for any reason. NO you want to fill this powerful mind with what you do want to happen! Get it?

Fill Your Subconscious With What You Want

You want to fill your subconscious mind with what you want to happen because your subconscious mind is a ‘servant mechanism’ or servo-mechanism. The main task it has IS to carry out and fulfill the commands you give it. What are you giving it most of the time?

Are you giving it what you want  so it can bring you more of what you want OR are you mostly focused on what you don’t want; fear, negativity, worry, lack, not having enough to make ends meet etc.

What you give it to work on it will deliver! Whichever dog you feed will live. You either plant food or poison. It is either positive or negative. Which energy ball is larger? Your positive ball of energy or your negative one? (see previous blogs for some of these references).

Phrase your language in the positive. Instead of saying, ‘don’t be late’ say ‘please be on time’. Get it? Instead of saying, ‘I’ll never lose weight’ say ‘I can eat healthy foods and feel proud.’ or ‘The more healthy I eat the more I feel great’. or ‘I can reach my ideal weight through right eating and exercising and feeling good’.

When you speak to yourself and others don’t blame, criticize or whine. Don’t point out what is wrong, what you don’t like or don’t want. Look for what is good and what is right, what you enjoy, what you want more of.

Speak Only To Bless, Heal And Prosper

Point out these things. Always speak only to bless, heal and prosper others and yourself. Keep you talk with others and your self-talk positive.

Tell your brain precisely what you want it to do, to pay attention to and to give you more of. Direct it positively by using positive language. Direct it by telling it what you do want. This is what affirmations are about.

Make the right mental images in your head so your brain knows what you want it to do. DO it over and over again until it becomes an automatic habit, second nature so you don’t have to think about it. Then you will be creating more of what you want more of the time and less of what you don’t want less of the time.

Do you get it? You become what you think about most often! You get what you focus on. What you think about you bring about. The dog you feed is the dog that lives! You reap what you sow. If you plant images in your head of what you don’t want and then you get that you really shouldn’t be surprised or dismayed.

Own Your Mind Own Your Behavior

Take control of your own mind and behavior. Put a guard before your lips and be careful what you think and say to yourself and others. Whatever you are thinking about and talking about you are bringing about. You are always creating!

So if you don’t like what you have, where you are at, your circumstances  or results you need to change what you are doing, saying and focused on to get the ones you do want.

Don’t delay Do it today! See how that works? Both sides represented. Always remember to direct your mind toward what you want it to do. Keep it simple.

As you would speak to a child;’walk carefully’. You wouldn’t say ‘navigate well the horrendous pitfalls along the walkway maintaining your balance by placing your center of gravity in such a way…’ you would say, ‘walk carefully’, or ‘walk tall’ or ‘stand up straight’ or ‘smile more’. or ‘think happy thoughts’. Keep it simple.

Be direct! Be positive. Speak in positive terms. Think positive. Fill your mind and hours with positivity and notice how wonderful your life becomes. Pay attention and delight in all the good things you notice. Celebrate and be filled with gratitude and your life will become beyond amazing!” Rex Sikes

How incredible can this day be?

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Do This If The Results You Get Suck: Do This To Win!

-Walt-Disney-think, believe,dream, dare

“Why do I repeat themes in blogs? Why should you re-read inspirational material? Why look at posters and keep motivational sayings in your eyesight? Why repeat affirmations and positive question and make mental movies again and again? Why? Why? Why?

Skill Is Developed By Rehearsal And Practice

Because muscles grows through repetitive exercise. Skill IS developed by rehearsal and practice. Memory and learning is enhanced by repeated exposure. Habits are formed over time by repeating the same behaviors.

Some of us miss the obvious each and every time! Again and again we just don’t notice it in front of us. It is difficult in this busy age to get and keep one’s attention. Messages are repeated over and over and over again to create awareness. Once is not enough.

Imagine if the piston in your car pumped only one time and stopped. In order to move your auto’s engine has to repeat the same behavior over and over again. In order to grow and develop positive, powerful, automated habits that serve you productively you have to repeat the skill set over and over again without quitting.

So I repeat messages in a variety of ways. I repeat  important themes and points and practices. This way your mind is continually bombarded, so long as you read my posts, with an important theme. You become what you think about. You get what you focus on. What you think about you bring about.

What You Rehearse And Practice Is Critical

If you are not getting what you want in life then you aren’t doing the right things to get them. If your results are not what you want, or they are poor you aren’t doing what is necessary to make them better. If you are worried, fearful, anxious or blaming, if you see lack, debt and unhappiness then you are focused on what you do not want.

What is predominant in your mind is not what you do want but what you do not like about your present circumstances. What occupies your attention isn’t all the good things, but how things aren’t right. You never become rich thinking poor thoughts. You never get happy blaming others. In order to get what you want you have to be focused mostly on what you want. That is the way it works!!!

If you are thinking about what you don’t want most of the time, out of habit, or for whatever reason, THAT IS WHAT YOU are rehearsing and practicing. The lackluster or poor or negative results are a result of what you are doing over and over again.

You are practicing. You are mentally rehearsing. You are creating and YOU are getting exactly what you don’t want because that is what you are inadvertently focused on. You may think you are focused on what you want but you aren’t.

YOU MUST REALIZE You Are Always Creating

You cannot NOT create. You may be creating what you want or what you don’t want THAT is up to what you are doing. If you don’t like what you are getting STOP doing it! Stop creating it!  Stop it!

START creating what you do want! In order to do that YOU must change what you are thinking about and how you are thinking about it. If you want your life to change then you must change things in your life.

YOU must think predominantly, most all of the time, positively, about what you DO WANT in order to get what you want! You must fill your mind with what you want to be, do and have. This must become your obsession, what you think about most of the time.

Your results show you what you are focused on. If you feel less than glorious your feelings are informing you what you are focused on. If your self talk is critical of self or others, if it is blaming and negative, your self talk is telling you what you are focused on.

Only YOU Have’t Gotten The Message Yet

To change and make life better you can’t be focused on how things aren’t working well. You have to choose to think better thoughts, make better mental images, manage your self-talk and powerfully affirm positive messages and stay focused on these. You must stay focused on what you DO want NOT what you don’t want.

I want you to realize that anything you think you need to make changes you already possess within you. Yes, you may have to tap deep to find and utilize under utilized skills and resources but you already have what you need. That is great news! You have the abilities!

You may have to learn how to control your attention, take responsibility, make a decision and stick with it but those abilities are already yours. You may need to grow those muscles strong. They only grow strong through repeated use, repetition and opposition.

I remind you with these articles.

You Bring About What You Think About

I invite you to visit frequently throughout the day and read and re-read posts and blogs. Through repeated exposure you will begin to ‘get it’ if you haven’t already. Through repeated application of the principles you grow the muscles necessary to transform your life.

Transformation CAN happen in an instant! It need not take much time at all. Transformation can occur slowly over weeks, months and years. Whatever happens, however it happens, whenever it happens is completely up to you. It will happen just stick with it!

For some it will occur more quickly, for others not as fast. It doesn’t matter. Don’t compare yourself to others. That is silly. Just keep at it and have fun. Even if you change bit by bit you are changing. Have fun and delight in the process, be thrilled with your journey. Celebrate everything!

The goal is to feel good, enjoy life, live in high vibrations. Have fun, and delight. Imagine being filled with joy. Your thoughts, your beliefs, your attitudes determine whether you find blessings or not. These determine whether you feel good or not and what you will or will not do.

Transformation Can Happen In An Instant

Take control! Take responsibility. Ensure that you think and believe the very best. Make your attitude serve you and not the other way around.  Take charge! Live as a champion! Live as victor. Live as a winner! Live as a person who creates what you want!

Fill your mind with powerful, inspirational, motivational thoughts and you feel better and are more productive. It works but you have to keep at it until it becomes a habit. After that you keep at it because it is habit and because you enjoy it.

Remember, the goal is to feel the best you are able to at any time. Sometimes that means out of the universe joyful bliss while at other times that means okay. Seek to feel as good as possible and you will learn to feel better and better more and more of the time.

Do not wait for it to happen. It won’t! Do not think others can do it for you. They can’t. Only you can do it and it is now or never. Some day never arrives. Magic can happen but realize you are the magician. Allow yourself to feel blessed. Allow yourself to receive good things. Get out of your own way and enjoy!

Fill Your Mind With Gratitude And Celebration

That is why I repeat over again important messages. If you haven’t taken complete charge yet, the hope is that, some day you might. You may just have to hear the message enough times to make the important decision. Then, on that day, you will.

You may have to read it many times until you finally say, ‘enough already, I am changing the way I live! I accept 100% responsibility and I am going to make the difference in my life. I am going to stop creating what I do not want and begin creating what I do want!’

In that moment, with that decision, and what happens right after that moment, your life can instantly change for the better. A decision is not an actual decision until you follow through. The second you decide and you actually act on it is when the decision is made.

THEN let nothing ever deter you from that decision. Keep at it. You can not fail you can only quit. If you never quit and you do the right things consistently long enough, soon you will have what you want.

From the very moment you act on your decision your life will begin to transform. It is absolutely so wonderful, you will be amazed and find it incredible. Celebrate!” Rex Sikes

How will you make the most of this wonderful new day?

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How To Stop Self Sabotage And BeFriend Your Mind

stop sign

“The unconscious mind doesn’t make a distinction between wanted or unwanted, good or bad it just goes where your energy consistently flows. It goes wherever you place your attention. Soil doesn’t care whether it is growing food or poison.

Whatever is planted and nurtured will grow. What have you planted AND what are you nurturing? The results you are getting tells you the answer.

If your you don’t like the results you are getting that tells you you are focused on the wrong things. You are focused on what you don’t want too much of the time. By focusing on what you don’t want, or spending time complaining about the results you stay stuck.

If results are haphazard and not consistent; if you keep trying but still keep failing or something is holding you back and you feel in a holding pattern then you are mixed positive and negative. Sometimes you are more one than the other but you go back and forth.

When you are mixed positive and negative there is no predominant thought so results are mixed and inconsistent. It means you drift or are wishy washy in this regard. To get the results you want requires commitment. It requires persistent consistent action.

You Get What You Focus On

You become what you think about most during the day and night. What you think about you bring about. If you spend most of your time outdoors, in the sun, in a bathing suit you can expect to tan. If you spend most of your time indoors, bundled up, out of the sun you can expect not to tan.

The results you get are due to the predominant time you spend thinking either positive or negative thoughts. Unfortunately, most people, because of habit, because of doing it for so long, aren’t even aware of how negative they are. They don’t realize how much of their power they give away through worry, blaming others, the world, events and even themselves.

If you are mostly filled with fear, or doubt, or complaints and blame this is what you will have in life. One thought produces another and another. Our brains work this way. We make associations, we have triggers, there are neural pathways.

Birds Of A Feather Flock Together

If you are mostly filled with joy, confidence and optimism you will get more of this in your life. Positive thinking isn’t magic it is developing a strong winner’s mindset. It doesn’t make the world better it makes YOU better. When you are better you make your way in the world better.

This is why it is worth it to take charge of your thinking.

If you aren’t getting the results you want then you need to do something in order to get them.

The first step is to assume total responsibility for what you think. Your thoughts determine your feelings. Learn to become aware of what you are thinking when you are thinking it. Catch yourself when you think negatively and change it.

It Is Great To Know What You Do Not Want BUT There Is More

Once you know what you don’t want you must  turn your attention from what you don’t want and to what you do want. Then focus completely on what you do want to make happen. Keep your attention and energy there. Remember, YOU GET what YOU FOCUS ON!

It is okay to have negative feelings because they inform you when you are off track and focusing on what you don’t want. Utilize them. Use you fear or anger or sadness to move away from those very same feelings. Get to that ‘enough is enough’ place inside you! Make it a point to get sick and tired of being ‘sick and tired’. Think ‘never again’ and then turn your attention to focus on what you do want.

The Knack, The Trick, The Key …

The knack, the trick, the key is to keep turning your attention to what you want, what you want to create, what you want to attract, what you want to feel and away from what you do not want, what you feel bad about and negative thinking.

You have to KEEP turing your attention to what you DO want to think and feel; what you can do productively and  how resourceful you already are and how wonderful life is UNTIL it becomes an automatic positive habit. THEN your subconscious mind takes over and helps you begin to get the results you desire.

In order to do this you become must become aware. You must notice when you aren’t so that you can focus your attention positively. You take charge. You make yourself responsible for everything! THIS IS AN IMPORTANT MINDSET TO ADOPT!

You stop whining and complaining. You direct and manage your self-talk, you ask Directed Questions™, you direct your internal movies and imagine what you want as if you already had it. You repeat your questions and affirmations and mental movies throughout the day.

Whatever You Planted And Nurture Grows

You fill your mind with positive thoughts. The goal is to have fun and feel the best you can most of the time. The goal is to enjoy the process and have a wonderful life not only as an end result but during the journey. In order to do this you need to feed and nurture your mind and being.

Read inspirational material. Listen to inspirational audio programs. Hang with positive inspirational people. Attend inspirational events. Think of the 80/20 rule. At least 80 percent of your time should be focused on being positive, powerful, confident, happy, healthy and having fun. The scale should tip in your favor.

If this sounds like a lot, it may seem like it to start. When it comes down to it it isn’t. There is no substitute for having a marvelous experience. Either you do or you don’t. If you want life to be more juicy fun and delightful it will be up to you to make it that way.

The Easiest Way To Begin

The easiest way for some people to begin is to think or and write out a handful of positive statements or affirmations that are meaningful to you. Think about them and say out loud. Chant them with enthusiasm while driving or alone. Saying them out loud with lots of powerful emotions is great! It speeds things up!

Even easier is to put the affirmation statement into the form of Directed Questions™. For example, you can say ‘I am lucky’. AND you can ask a lot of questions around this.

You might ask, ‘How soon will I discover how incredibly lucky I am?’ ‘In how many ways am I lucky that I haven’t even yet begun to imagine? Isn’t it amazing to discover things really work out the best for me? In how many ways can I begin to appreciate how lucky I am?What must I do to convince myself that I and I alone create my own good fortune?

How easily can I always remember that I am a lucky person? Isn’t it marvelous things always work out for me? How soon will I fully and completely recognize that I always land on my feet? What are the many different ways I feel luckiest?’

You can replace luck with confidence, courage, loving, positive, peaceful, strong, smart any positive attribute you desire. Ask these questions again and again and again. You don’t have to know the answer the answer is not the point. The quality of your life is determined by the quality of the questions you ask.

It Won’t Grow If You Don’t Plant It – To Get Results You Must Act

Pick a topic and ask questions, add new positive ones in. Ask in clusters. Wonder, really wonder. Affirm what you want with positive feeling and strong conviction. Fill yourself with positivity and productive options. It gets so much easier, fun and exciting as you go along.

The difficult part to understand is that you will not see new results unless you fully engage in the process. I say ‘try it’ to whet your appetite but dabbling won’t bring you the results you want ONLY commitment will.

Once you commit you can discover the world as your oyster. New possibilities will open up to you. You will make good things start happening. You will feel, think and act better!

It most likely won’t happen over night. It could, but it may not. Everyone has different experiences. Let it go. Just make it a point to get on the ride and enjoy the ride. It is the only way to make an incredible difference for yourself.

Grab hold of all life has to offer you today. Take control of yourself, your thoughts and feelings and the soon you will realize that the benefits outweigh any of the necessary activity to get them!” Rex Sikes

In how many different ways are you excited about this day?

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Do This When You Need To Overcome Difficulties: It Works!

you will see it when you believe it

“Would you like to make things better now and in the future? Would you like to learn how to more easily overcome difficult times and challenges? Wouldn’t it be cool to know in advance which obstacles might arise and how to handle them when they do? Now you can!

This is an old article of mine. I have updated aspects of it and will share those in a future post, but this article is earlier groundwork. It provides the basic method for going after what you want and for trouble shooting challenges and resolving problems that can arise.

Through my recent posts you will learn how to appropriately and powerfully visualize, and manage your positive self talk so that you can readily recognize the powerful creator you already are. Use this process to create success. Use this process BEFORE you need it.

This is a road map you use for success, complete with alternative routes. This process builds in the contingencies you need when the going get rough. It constitutes rehearsal and practice. It is the same mental strategy a successful sports team would utilize.

So you understand. Mind Design™ is my process of learning new abilities. It is my approach to personal and professional change. I conduct workshops and training around the world and have audio products available. It is also the umbrella process or meta method through which I taught other personal development programs.

Enjoy this early article.

‘Why Traditional Visualization Doesn’t Work And How You Can Modify It To Get The Results You Want

by Rex Sikes

Now that you can ask yourself new questions, you also want to get your visualizations in order. I am sure you have heard of visualization. This is where people tell you to visualize your goals, dreams, plans, or how you want things to be. Usually people make still-frame pictures in their head of the goal being accomplished, e.g. depositing money in the bank, or their kids all grown up and successful.

What makes Mind Design™ different from visualization is that we have created three steps in creating visualizations. Without these three steps, visualizations just don’t work well at all and you’ll just be wasting your time.

Three Important Steps For Effective Visualizations

  1. Visualize the accomplished goal or outcome. Example: Salesperson depositing large commission check in the bank.
  2. Make a movie of how you achieved the goal. What steps did you take to achieve your success? Visualize the steps in detail. Visualize yourself doing all the right things to get your outcome, and visualize everything going perfectly. Example: Salesperson making more calls and customers responding by being pleasant and purchasing items.
  3. Build a contingency plan. Visualize yourself taking all the steps toward your goal and visualize everything going wrong and how you overcame the difficulty. Example: Salesperson making more calls and customers do not respond. Visualize what the salesperson did to get customer to respond more favorably.

Besides only making pictures of the goal being attained (Step 1), you make a movie of how you get the goal (Step 2). For example a salesperson wants to make more sales and money. Instead of just visualizing depositing more money in the bank, a Mind Design™ salesperson visualizes the actual steps they took to make more sales.

(2) The salesperson visualizes them doing all the right things and people responding in all the right ways to increase their sales and their money. But the Mind Design™ salesperson also does something which is the most crucial; THE THIRD STEP… This person visualizes a movie of all the possible obstacles and how they got over all of them.

Ordinarily, this third step is what people do to program their mind for failure because they imagine everything going wrong, but not what they did to overcome it. Using this method, you program your mind for how to overcome adversity along the way if you encounter it.

Stop Programming Failure Start Programming Success

When you learn how to run your brain then a world of endless possibility and opportunity becomes available. Unfortunately, for most people, it is left to chance and that is why success is usually a matter of luck.

I want to teach you the science and the art of making your dreams come true. The science because it is actually steps that you can implement, recipes, formulas proven through time to work for you and the art because your creativity with the science will enable you to realize your dreams and design for yourself the kind of life you truly want and deserve.

Your brain can give you everything you want when you give it a clear bright focused image of what you want and how you are planning to go about getting it. If you don’t know what you want your brain can’t give it to you. But when you know what you want, and you send precise, direct and intense signals, your mind has the power to give you what you want.

You can’t reach your goals if you don’t know what they are. Results are inevitable. If your don’t provide your brain with the programming to get your results, your goals you desire someone else will provide the programming. If you don’t have a program for your life someone else is going to make you fit into their plan.’

Well, there you have it! That is the original article. AS I stated, this was early development and I have added and adjusted through the years. It was and is still powerfully effective when you apply it. You begin to get results because it requires that you program your mind for success and to overcome difficulties.

Rehearse And Practice The Correct Elements To Succeed

A sports team practices to maximize their chances of winning. A successful actor rehearses so on opening night it goes according to plan. Never under estimate the value of mental rehearsal and actual rehearsal. Through this visualization process you practice and rehearse success!

That is what practice of ‘act as if’ is all about. You repeatedly engage your mind in making the correct, positive images and self-talk thoughts until you firmly ‘wire it in’. You imagine and act (in your mind) as though you have already accomplished your goal. This is an incredibly powerful practice and skill to develop.

When you ‘act as if’ you discover what you need to do to manifest it. You begin to understand the steps you need to take to get the results you want. By repeating this process over and over you create a habit.

Create The Habits That Get You Success

Once you make your skills a reliable positive habit you put yourself on autopilot for success. You begin to automatically think and act like a winner. You make success happen. You persist and you accomplish! You become unstoppable because you don’t let anything throw you off course.

Determine what you want, specify your goal or dream or target. See your self succeeding, imagine yourself getting there and having what you  want. Be sure to see, imagine and rehearse succeeding, overcoming obstacles and objections when and if things do not go as you hope and want. Build, rehearse and practice your contingency plans prior to actually needing them. Visualize these over and over.

When you use your mind deliberately in positive ways you can conceive, believe and achieve your goals. You can create and accomplish your dreams. If you want a more wonderful future, if you want to get the kind of results you deserve to get, begin today to run your mind. Take charge of what you do on the inside and you will get the kind of things you want on the outside. That IS how it works!” Rex Sikes

What will you do today to put more smiles on your face?

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Did You Know You Hold The Power To Transform Your Life?

accomplishment starts w decision

“You may not realize it but did you know that you already hold the key to your transformation? You have it available and you use it every day but you haven’t used it in the powerful way you could be using it to get incredible results! Wouldn’t you like to know what it is so you could put it to work positively for you?

I bet you would. So here it is. In the past few blogs I brought up the transformative power of asking yourself Directed Questions™ to help you focus on and get what you want in life. Here is another article I wrote on the subject. All of my home study audios and videos from the 1980’s on include this powerful work. You can get this information and the power to change right now.

Why Affirmations Don’t Work And How You Can Replace Them With Directed Questions™ To Get The Results You Want

The way you feel and what you experience comes from where you focus your attention and determines how you are going to behave. Successful people know that you must control not only what you focus on but how you focus .

They have learned to take control of their emotions and run their own brain — that means taking control of what you are picturing in your mind and how you are picturing it, what you are saying to your self and how you are saying it. When you get control over these things, this will allow you to determine how you feel.

When you focus, you limit your attention. If you are not focused on success you will miss all the opportunities success brings. In life, we get what we focus on.

Remember this: What you focus on, you get.

People who do affirmations are wasting their time because they are actually setting up internal conflicts that cause them to activate the opposite of what they want! When people look into the mirror and say, “In every day and in every way, I am getting better and better,” a part of their mind comes back and says, “bull!”

Doesn’t it? It is just like if I told you that you have a blue shirt on when you actually have a red one on! I say, “nice blue shirt” and you say, “it’s not blue, it’s red.” Then I say, “it’s blue”, and you say “no, it’s red” … we could go on like this forever… which is exactly what happens for most people when they do affirmations.

Instead of engaging yourself in this confrontive struggle with yourself, you could begin to ask yourself questions instead. Questions will always get you an answer. Questions change what you focus on.

They get you to focus on either what is good about you, your environment, or your behavior, or what is bad about you, your environment, or your behavior. An affirmation in the form of a question is 300 or 400 times more effective and will literally train your brain to translate the affirmations into your behavior.

Why Questions are More Powerful than Affirmations

Brains learn quickly to move in directions. Questions direct the mind. They divide experience and lead our attention. Questions demand an answer. And since it is a question which our brain may not know the answer to yet, it will search to give us an answer.

If, when we ask the question, we include more of what we want in our life, our brain will search to provide us with those things which we included in our question and the answer.

Asking yourself questions is one of the greatest things you can learn for yourself. Questions set your reality. Think about it. If I say, “what did you do on Friday?” Where does your mind go? It goes to look for an answer. If I say “how old are you?” You know the answer. If I say, “what did you do last summer?”, “What is your occupation?”, “Who was your best friend when you were a child?”… You are causing your mind to come up with an answer.

Sometimes you won’t have the answer right away. Sometimes you may have to ask another question like, “gee, who was it?” You are sending your mind in a direction.

According to anthropologists, people are “meaning makers.” In other words, people will ask themselves “what does this mean to me?”, “what is in it for me?”, or “what should I do?” It is the questions we ask ourselves that create meaning for ourselves. And you have a choice as to what exactly those questions are going to be.

Are you going to ask yourself questions that get you bad results, like “how come I’m so stupid?” or are you going to ask yourself questions that get you good results like “how soon will I begin to realize how wonderful I am?”

The kinds of things you ask yourself are critical. If you say “gee, how come I am so stupid?”, your brain goes “because when you were a child you didn’t eat Wheaties, you didn’t have corn flakes, you didn’t grow up right and it was your parents fault.” Or because “you are a slow learner” — because someone told you that when you were a child. Or because “you aren’t disciplined enough”, or “you have great potential but you’ll never really amount to anything”…

Whatever it might be, when you say “how come I’m like this?”, your brain will answer and it will come up with a reason no matter how logical or illogical it is. The number one thing in our culture, bar none is that when someone in our culture says “why” someone says “because”.

When you say to yourself, “I don’t understand this” or “I don’t get it” you are reinforcing anything that you do not understand yet. You are making it much tougher on yourself . You are impeding your learning. On the other hand, if you say, “I wonder how soon before this begins to make sense? I wonder how quickly before I am going to be delighted in discovering what is new about this? I wonder how soon before I delight and amaze myself?” you begin to send your brain in the direction that is useful for you.

As you ask yourself those questions, your brain may not come up with the quick “because” answer because you are posing a question to yourself that you don’t yet know the answer to. Wouldn’t it be a lot more fun finding out? Wouldn’t it be a lot more interesting to think “gee, I wonder how exquisitely talented I can become? I wonder how I can use language to do things that I never yet before considered possible?

I wonder who I am going to find that presents a challenge and I wonder how I am going to delight and amaze myself in overcoming that challenge and doing that in ways that I never before thought possible?” Does that sound like a more useful way to begin looking at the world? … a more useful way, a way that brings you more delight, more pleasure and speeds up the amount of time in which you learn anything?

We have told ourselves a lot of things in our lives. A lot of them aren’t even true. In Mind Design™, what we want to do is get your whole mind, your whole brain, your whole being moving in a direction that as you move in that direction you pick up the kind of things you want to be doing.

You pick up the skills you want to have. You practice, you use them, and you find out how they contribute to your being, how you contribute to others, how you move through the world with these win/win outcomes and make your life and the lives of those around you a lot more fun!

During the Mind Design™ program, you are going to learn a way to ask yourself the kind of questions that get you the results you want. To be truly successful, fulfilled and secure, you must make a habit of asking the kinds of questions that give you power, drive and energy.

For now, I want you to commit to making a change for yourself, commit to your goals and commit to asking yourself a new set of questions. By doing this, you will be able to succeed in your goals beyond your wildest expectations.

You are already asking yourself questions every moment of the day. If you say “yes, Rex, That’s true” or “no Rex that is not true”… the only way you could answer that is by having asked yourself a question!

For at least the next 21 days, I want you to ask yourself a different set of questions first thing every morning, before going to bed and any moment you can throughout the day.

You will want to write them down, carry them with you, pin them up where you will see them and be reminded to ask. Remember what you do now determines the quality of your future. The quality of your life depends on the quality of the questions you ask.

Some Sample Questions

How come I am so lucky?
Why am I so wonderful?
What new wonderful things will I discover?
How can I become thinner and enjoy the process?
I wonder in how many ways I can become better and better?
I wonder how quickly I can achieve my ideal weight?
Which sensation in my body feels the very best right now?
How quickly will I begin to learn these new skills?
How naturally and easily will I begin to pay attention to pleasant feelings?
How soon will I begin to notice with delight how happy I can become?

Using Questions With Others To Be More Persuasive

In the same way that you ask yourself questions that direct your mind, you can use questions to direct the mind of your customers an clients. The mind is easily programmed and lead to make decisions within the options that are given.

Some Sample Questions

Would you like to order your dessert now or when you have your coffee?
Is this cash or charge?
When customers are asked “would you like a large or small coke?” most take a small. However when asked, “would you like a large one?” most take a large.
Do you realize how excited it is going to be when you take this vacation?
How quickly can we finish our meeting?
In how many different ways are you going to enjoy this house?

Well, there you have it again. Have you discovered yet the power of asking yourself powerful Directed Questions™. Why did I call them Directed Questions™? Because that is what they are! You direct your attention to what you want instead of focusing on what you don’t want. I hope you will enjoy the power of these powerful questions all the time every day!” Rex Sikes

In how many different ways can you delight and amaze yourself today?

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Do This One Thing To Feel Better And Think Clearer!

stop sign

“Do you sit home watching television, eating a snack, while on the computer playing a game?  Are you someone who texts while walking or talking to others? Do you try to work while holding a conversation on social media? Hey, we all do it!

Most of us think it makes us more productive to be able to do more than one thing at a time. It doesn’t. Research indicates doing more than one thing at a time tends to stress us out and isn’t good for our physical or mental health.

Too Much Is Too Much

We tend to communicate more poorly when doing multiple things at once. It is activity that may make us feel busy but is not productive behavior. We can be busy but not accomplish much. We are far more productive when we do one task at a time and complete it.

An aspect to the practice of Zen or meditation in general is to learn singularity. To be able to focus and concentrate. When we have purpose and become ‘one with the task’ we are freer.

We learn to control the ‘monkey mind’ which jumps from thought to thought and activity to activity, and slow down to enjoy being in the moment. Slowing down is something most of us need to learn well!

You don’t have to practice Zen or meditation but it is useful and beneficial.  What you can do is simple. Do fewer things at a time. When you eat simply eat and enjoy your food. Slow down.

Focus And Be Healthier

Obviously, we use eating to socialize and the family meal can be an important time. So make it a point to enjoy eating this way when alone at home or in a restaurant. On a subway, while enjoying a snack or meal, focus on the food and enjoy it.

Concentrate on eating and chewing slowly and savoring each bite. Don’t read, don’t look at your phone, don’t converse, don’t watch TV, just eat. Let it nourish you! It may seem difficult at first because we are so accustomed to being distracted. Try it! Just eat.

Don’t eat and drive and for goodness sake do not drive and put your make up on or text. Drive safely! Pay attention to what is going on around you. Don’t eat and walk, text and walk or look at your phone.

Simplify And Become Happier

You can sit on a park bench and listen and observe. Get back in touch with what is happening. When you walk, walk and enjoy simply walking. Just walk. Enjoy being in nature. Notice your surroundings. Get back in touch with what goes on around you.

Turn of the TV or the computer. Put your phone away. Enjoy what is happening in real time without feeling compelled to take a picture of yourself or post it on a FB wall. Stay true to the moment as it unfolds. Live in the moment as completely as you are able.

Enjoy moments for being simple moments. Disconnect from all the distractions and enjoy life as it happens. Doing this will make you happier as well as healthier. It is good for you.

Take a bath or hot tube and just fully enjoy the sensation of relaxing. Relax, unwind and let go. Sip your evening cocktail or beverage and just pay total attention to it. Focus with relaxed awareness. Savor.

Sit, just listen to sounds or music with your eyes closed. Don’t read or do anything else. Just listen. When you read just read without background music or TV or computer noise..

One Thing At A Time, Slowly

In our world it may not be practical to do this all the time. Make it a point of simplifying more of your time. When you can find moments take the moments. The more you do the more you can do.

As you enjoy them you will find more moments to make your own. You will feel better in all ways as you delight in the beauty of a single task. You will think clearer. You will feel better. Simple can be good!

Make the most of the moment by being in it. Be with your partner totally when you can. Be with your children or parents totally whenever you can. Your relationships will be more rewarding for all of you. Limit the distractions, focus, be present. BE with each other.

You will communicate more effectively and honestly. Your attention will be where it should be when you care about yourself and others. Savor the simplicity in singularity. Hey, just keep it simple!” Rex Sikes

Make time for yourself to enjoy this day!

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A Simple, Easy Way To Treat Your Loved Ones Right

no excuses - when you really matter

“With technology comes advances. There is no doubt we are better off the more we have invented.  As we advance the same technology can create problems. Nothing is inherently good or evil. A hammer can be used to build or tear down.

Social Media Is Separating Us and Dividing Us

We don’t ‘connect’ as we used to. Instead of calling and speaking we text each other. Often, we group text or we tweet followers and post to friends on social media. It is devoid of human speaking and listening and give and take.  Frequently, we are just posting or reading announcements on walls or watching video without any give and take.

Enter a room anywhere today and you will see people staring at their devices instead of talking together.  Most all of them gazing at their phone are gaming, or texting or reading or watching some media. Human interaction is limited and if there is any at all in that room it is through electronics with someone somewhere else.

This prevalent form of ‘staying connected’ is not meaningful contact. We are not actually talking and listening to or trying to understand anyone anymore. These are not conversations where meaning and understanding are important.

These are written notes littered with abbreviations and emoticons. We don’t hear their voice and their expression we read texts in our voice with our expression. Because we don’t listen or look we assume and misinterpret. Since we don’t actually talk we don’t actually connect.

We think we are more connected through electronics and social media but we may actually be more isolated and less exposed to diverse thinking, cultures and people. A room full of people all on their devices instead of interacting together is not a coming together.

Living Through Your Phone Or Lens Is Not Living

Watching a documentary on an African town is not the same as visiting the town and getting to know and experience the people. We are missing out on actual experiences. We opt to live vicariously rather than to really live. We have become passive observers, shielded behind our mobil devices, rather than participants in life.

Instead of it making us better it lessens our experiences and feelings. It allows us to escape. It preoccupies us. Instead of meeting the new person sitting next to you you retreat into the reliable escape of entertainment.

You game, watch youtube, text someone, read FB to avoid an actual real life encounter with the people right there with you. You are shut off not involved. You are limited and not expanding.

Give It A Rest And Take A Break

Make time for family and friends. Shut off your phones and put them away. Have some real face time with the people you love and care about. PUT THE MOBIL DEVICE AWAY. Your children OR your parents deserve YOU and your uninterrupted time and attention. Don’t deprive them.

Don’t be tempted to answer the call or the text. The person in front of you is more important, most likely, than the person texting in. Most texts and phone calls can wait. Make time for people in your life. Make time for your loved ones! Respect each other!

Respect the other person by giving your undivided attention. Give your complete attention without checking your FB wall. It is rude to be constantly picking up your phone instead of listening and looking at the human with you. It is annoying to others to be conversing with you only to be interrupted by text tones and phone calls. Stop it!

Learn To Live Without Your Phone 

You will survive! Many people, if they forget their phone, panic. STOP IT! It is only a phone. Yes, it is shiny, has bangs and whistles and costs a fortune but it is no where near worth the value of your real friends and family who want to connect with you.

Put it aside. Learn to live without it so you can enjoy it without being addicted to it. If you forget it at home, so what, you will survive. Those feelings of ‘gotta have it’ are the feelings and the stressors you want to eliminate. Relax, it is only a phone. You will survive!

In olden, by gone days, (a few years back) no one had personal devices to stay in touch and for the most part the world went on and on anyway. It is a fallacy to think we need the phone just in case. That is a sense of immediacy and foreboding that is artificial and only causes worry and stress. You don’t need it.

Hug Not Hold

True, once and a while you had to make an important call or you might have missed an important call BUT life went on. There is no reason to be a slave to your electronic device. It is the people that are important not the devices. It is the human you can hug not the gadget you can hold that matters.

Relax. Schedule time to connect. Have a date night with your loved one or friends and turn off your phones. Leave the electronics behind. Make it a point to shut the phone off for half a day or more. You can do it even if it seems as though you can’t.

At the end of your life you won’t say, ‘If I had only spent more time texting and posting to Facebook. If I’d only answered the phone more often.’ I bet you are going to wish for more time with the people you love.

Do not cheat yourself of them of your time and attention. Realize right this instant what is important and who is important in your life right NOW!, Spend the quality time together you and they deserve.” Rex Sikes

Have a wonderful day. Connect with someone in a special way!

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