Category Archives: Self Improvement

Creating The Future, Focus, Habit Formation, Intentional Thinking, Positive Affirmations, Positive Thinking, Positive Thoughts, Self Improvement, Self Talk, Visualization

What To Do When You Can’t Stop Obsessing!

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horizon red bench in snow

“Have you ever been bothered by a thought that seems unrelenting?No matter how many times you tried not to think about it the thought persisted.

That can be really tough when we want to stop thinking about certain things but cannot, wouldn’t you agree. Would you like to learn how you can change this?

In my workshops and seminars through the past decades I would point out the way we think and remember things. Most of us can do this quite easily. If you want to learn,  I invite you to play along and notice what happens.

In workshops I speak this out loud while participants close their eyes, follow along and notice. It’s most effective if instead of reading I could ask you to close your eyes while I speak, but it will have  to suffice for you read along and imagine. You can still easily do it. JUST really, do what I suggest.

I am going to say (write) some words and I want you to notice what comes to mind and how. TAKE YOUR TIME and fully do the exercise as much as possible.

Okay, ready, here we go:

What do you think of, when I write, or say,the word DOG?

THINK of one!

Did you think of one? Notice what dog comes to mind. If you didn’t go ahead and do so now. What kind of dog did you think of? Was it a specific dog? Whose dog is or was it, where and when. Did you just see a dog or did you remember being with a particular dog?

ALL answers are correct answers since there is no right or wrong.

Just notice. What did you notice?

Okay,  next example:

What happens or changes when I say, WET DOG.

Think about it a moment. Did you see the same or different dog? What changed from when I first ask you to think of a dog. Notice whatever you notice.  Take your time don’t rush. Notice as much as you are able about this image or memory.

Next example:

Okay, what happens when I angrily shout loudly, BAD DOG!

What changed? Notice what you notice. Take your time to describe it.

What were you able to remember or see in each example.

For some people they see ‘A’dog at first. It might be a random dog or their favorite type of dog. It could be their dog.

Typically, the dogs become more personalized with the adjectives placed in front.  Most people see something different in each case. Most people remember personal instances with WET and BAD. It could be the same or different dog at the same or different times.

Some recall with very much detail. It doesn’t matter whether this occurred or not. Much of it depends on whether you like or dislike dogs or spent any amount of time around dogs. This is part of our ability to recall and remember.

Ways Of Seeing: Remembered And Constructed

We also have the ability to see or imagine that which never existed before. We can create. We have the ability to put things together in unique ways that they are not likely to exist as is. Either way we are able to construct. I am going to ask you to imagine along here too.

Dive in and enjoy the exercise. I will be putting together things you mostly know and could recognize, with some variation thrown in. You’ll see. Alright, are you ready? Read the description and then close your eyes and do it.

I’d like you to imagine, right now, a purple elephant flying over your head, in the sky, with a monkey on it’s back waving a yellow cowboy hat yelling,’Yipee, yipee!’ Can you do this? Great go ahead and continue to imagine the purple flying elephant with the monkey on its back over head.

Good. Most see this quite easily. Now see it again. Imagine the purple elephant swooping and flying and circling with the monkey on it’s back all over above you. Watch it do loops and see it’s flight path, notice the landscape.

NOW STOP thinking of purple elephant and monkey. Don’t think about the flying purple elephant and the monkey wearing the yellow hat. Put it out of your mind.

Got you! It is very difficult. Actually, it’s impossible to not think about something. Did you notice?

BUT if you begin to imagine green and orange striped pigs dancing up and down the hillsides, rolling around, having a blast, singing ‘Happy Birthday’  playfully tossing gold and silver stars and flowers about.

You will forget about the elephant and monkey.

The mind works this way. If you say don’t or do not or try not to think of something you will think about it. Why, because in order to not think about it you have to first know what you don’t want to think about.

Don’t Don’t Work

When you tell a child, ‘Don’t spill!’ In order for the child to understand what you mean the child must first remember what it means TO SPILL. It is likely, sometime after saying, ‘Don’t Spill’ we follow up with, ‘I told you not to spill’.

Our brains don’t handle negatives. We don’t or can’t or won’t. Instead we do or can or will. Keep that in mind whenever you try to stop yourself from thinking about something. You may not be very successful. WHAT YOU CAN DO is think of something else!!!

What You Resist Persists

You can’t oppose it and shut it off. It doesn’t work like that. You have to redirect your thinking. You have to distract it by thinking other thoughts. Yes, with annoying thoughts you may have to redirect over and over. Especially, at first but if you keep doing it you learn how to do it.

Whenever you dwell on unwanted thoughts or obsess about them they will take over your life. We can’t shut off negative thoughts but we can chose to think about something else. We think positive thoughts instead. I write about in this blog many times the need to learn to direct back toward center.

You can’t ‘not’ want to. You can’t shut them off easily but you can choose to redirect your thinking to other more productive and positive thoughts. If you choose to think positive thoughts your life will become much better. So much better you will be amazed!

I use the example, of how, when we drive down the center of a lane we actually make micro-corrections all along. We adjust the wheel left and right continuously to keep going straight.

Direct And Redirect Your Thoughts

This is what we do while we learn to gain control control of our thinking. We steer back to the positive thought again and again. Anything done repeatedly long enough becomes a habit. You will learn the habit of managing your thoughts with some effort.

It takes a little while and it gets easier and easier. You gain more control and then what used to bother you no longer does as much. In time you learn how to better handle it.

Eventually you get to the point where you can go on in spite of it or it no longer has any pull. Ultimately, you succeed. So stop resisting and start acquiring new positive habits that serve you reliably, as the old ones did, but that are much better for you.

It is amazing how powerful and well this works. Yes, it does require discipline and persistence. Anything  you currently think or do that bothers you that you would like to change is already a habit. It has been developed in the past and serves you reliably all along.

Develop New Positive Habits

Even if it is unwanted it is something you have learned to do. Might as well congratulate yourself on being a good learner because criticizing yourself is not likely to be effective. My guess, you have already been doing that to no avail. Time to change. Embrace it and then move on.

One more thing. Since it is not very effective to stop thinking about something. Don’t think of a flying purple elephant… Realize this. You just did what you didn’t want to do! You thought of a flying purple elephant with a monkey on its back…

Okay enough, enough! BUT do you get it? You can’t think of what you don’t want and not get it. Did you understand that? If you represent what you don’t want (don’t spill) you are likely to get precisely what you don’t want.

Some people, I was, are great at getting exactly what they don’t want. ‘I don’t want a smoker’, ‘I don’t want to be broke’ , ‘I don’t want to be fat’. Instead, and one of the many reasons I write this blog, you have to know exactly what you DO want. You must think and say what you want to include in your life not what you want to exclude.

Why You Must Focus On What You Want

This is why we focus on the positive. The brain works this way! It delivers to you whatever you imagine strongly enough. Whatever you think of accompanied by strong feelings and emotions the brain takes as a command to bring about. If you are primarily focused on what you don’t want that is precisely what you will end up with.

That or something worse. If you are primarily focused on what you DO want you will end up with that or something better as long as you continue to think this way.

This is why it is said, we become what we think about! Whatever we focus on expands. We bring about what we think about. So know what you want and stay focused on it. Steer back to  center whenever you have to. Am I getting through?

Think And Speak Only Of What You Want

Final point before, I leave for today. ALWAYS, only think and speak about what you want to create or have. Only think and speak about what you want to include in your life to yourself and others. Manage your self-talk and your talk.

Think only and say only that which you wish to become come true. Never confess that which you don’t want. Keep your focus aimed at what you want to bring about. Put a guard before your mind and lips.

Develop this as a habit and you will discover life is so much more amazing than you can imagine right now. You absolutely can manage and direct your thoughts, not only for relief, but for transformation.

You have no idea, none of us do, the immense, incredible power inside of you, which if you could discover and use would make you everything you ever dreamed of or imagined you could be.” Rex Sikes

Have a wonderful day!!!

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*Horizons photo used with permission of Phil Koch.

HEADS UP!!!  Soon Daily Inspiration And Gratitude will have a new home.  A new URL, a new look and feel. All this content and new content will be delivered there. Some of you get this blog emailed to you,

I don’t know whether that will continue or not. I do know you will be able to subscribe to the blog and my new newsletter. I hope you will stay with us. I’d hate to lose you or have you miss any blog you want to receive. So will you stay with me?  I sure want you to. I’ll let you know when the change is taking place.

Act As If, Affirmations, Attitude, Confidence, Decision, Directed Questions™, Habit Formation, Happiness, Intentional Thinking, Learning, Love, Mental Movie Theater, Positive Affirmations, Positive Thinking, Rehearsal And Practice, Self Improvement, Self Talk, Smiling, Success, Visualization

What Your Body Language Reveals About You? Others Can Tell!

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"Scarlett"From an article by Jim Stingl...."Sarah Platka is haunted by one particular sunrise, Aug. 17, 2011, and she is hoping someone around here photographed it."......... I did, I just never posted it, so here it is.She and her husband, Nate Weber, of South Milwaukee, had a baby that morning one year ago today, and the sunrise over Lake Michigan was so red and spectacular that it inspired the name they gave their daughter, Scarlett Lucia (Lucia means light in Italian).Ñ with Annette Kelley and Pat Landsel. Photo by Phil Koch

“Did you know people see the real you even if you attempt to hide it? At the very least they see someone attempting to hide. You do realize this, don’t you? It would be far better to live authentically, would it not? Wouldn’t it be great to live with less worry and fear?

What might it be like to move through the world more confidently? Can you imagine?  How wonderful would it be if you felt courageous most of the time? What if you were able to make things happen in positive ways? Wouldn’t that be grand?

You could be happier, healthier, wealthier and more successful. You can, you know. It is far simpler than most people believe. All you have to do is implement some easy things and keep doing them until they become habit. It is that simple.

My recent blog post was about living assertive and assured because it is important to have faith and be confident. I shared with you how you can use your mental movie theater, your imagination, to begin to become more positive and powerful. You use your mind to produce the wonderful feelings that are important to live from.

Use Your Mind And Your Words For Positive Change

You can and should use affirmations, Directed Questions™, or positive self-talk to move you forward. What you think and say to yourself is critical. It means the difference between being a success or failure, champion or loser. Think and speak only to bless, heal and prosper yourself and others. Be careful of your thoughts and words.

You will not be a success, or happy or a champion ragging and nagging on yourself all day long. The outer you will demonstrate to the world what goes on inside you. Everyone will see the way you think and feel by how you act and move.

You need positive, powerful, supportive, nurturing images, words and feelings to feel successful, happy and a champion. When your thoughts, words and feelings are aligned you are congruent.

You are most powerful and capable when congruent. It shows in your eyes and body. It is noticeable when you speak. It is evident how you sit, move and use your body. It is as if every atom of your being is charged with power. You and others will see and feel it.

There is a soft-spoken form of quiet self confidence one can recognize. This person is completely filled with presence. This person is completely present, in the here and now, and engaged.

How You Move And Speak Reflects Your Inner State Of Being

You can tell the person is congruent by the sound of their voice, the firmness and the look in the eye. Everything about this person communicates ‘I believe in and mean my message.’ or ‘I am who I say I am. I believe in myself.’

This person, when communicating with you, looks you straight in the eye, maybe looks right into your heart. You know it when you encounter it. They are right there with you totally here and now. They are alive yet completely calm. Relaxed yet vibrant!

The energy from them is strong and focused. There is no distraction. There is a steady, calm, confident assurance. If you have ever encountered a someone with immense personal power you will understand what I am speaking of.

The confident person’s posture is strong and tall. Shoulders are back, chin is out, eyes are forward. The confident person moves with purpose. Confident people tend to smile more. Why not? They know who they are and are proud and pleased. They smile because they feel good and feel like smiling.

This person speaks with authority or confidence. Nothing  about it is hostile or demanding. Their tone can be very pleasant but it commands you to listen. The person speaks so you can hear but not loud unless giving a speech. This person is assertive, and can be gentle and caring or passionate and persuasive.

You can easily tell this person believes in him or herself. You can tell how the person looks; the look in their eyes; on their face; how the person sits, moves, stands and behaves. You can tell by the volume, rate and tempo when they speak. You know by the quality of the voice and firmness. Everything points in one direction – confidence.

Mind And Body Affect Each Other – They Are One

Your mind affects your body. What you think shows up in how you approach the world. It shows up in your posture and how you sit, stand, move and act. It shows on your face because your thoughts and feelings are intimately wired neurologically.

If you think weak, tired thoughts you feel that way and act that way. People easily recognize when someone thinks self defeating thoughts, or is worried, fearful or sad. They show it. They behave it. Their defeated thinking and feeling  is reflected in everything they do. How do people see you? What are you demonstrating everyday?

People also easily recognize courageous, confident, successful, and happy people. They show it. They behave it! Their positive thinking and feeling is reflected in everything they do as well. Do people see you as someone happy and successful, confident and together, or not? How do people see you? What are you demonstrating?

We cannot easily hide what goes on inside us. Some do try, though, it is true. People try to mask their emotions which means others see the mask. They may not see the real you but they do notice the phony mask. This is no way to live. You are most attractive when you are genuinely you. Learn to live happily and with courage!

Since our mind and body are intimately wired we can use our thoughts to affect our body or our body to affect our thoughts. If we stand tall, and move with confidence and smile more we will feel more confident and brave. Do it! Keep doing it during the day!

Our primitive brains react to stimuli, real or perceived, by fight, freeze, or flight. If you allow your primitive brain to rule you your life will be ruled mostly by fear. It will not be within your control it will control you.  Many people live this way but this is no way to live.

In reality, there is little to fear in this day and age. Far fewer worries than when you had to avoid being devoured by a predator in the wild. That is what your primitive brain was useful for. Today, it is important to learn more appropriate ways to respond to life situations. You don’t have to react with fear or worry.

How You Use Your Body Affects You

Learn to stand tall and smile. Learn to walk, move, stand and speak with confidence and courage. Your body is intimately wired to your thoughts.  Use your posture purposefully. This is the way you can control and even neutralize the primitive brain. Smile, Smile, Smile!

Simply by using your body in this manner you can make very positive changes. You will think and feel better, You will be more confident. When you do some vigorous exercise shortly after dragging your butt from bed, complaining you are too tired, you become more alive and alert and feel better. You shake and wake things up!

How you utilize the mind affects the body. Think and affirm confident and courageous thoughts and you will stand, walk, move and speak more powerfully and assertively. Mind and body go hand in hand. Use both. Adjust your attitude and your body language!

You will be far more powerful and able to take advantage of possibilities and make things happen when you use your mind and body together productively. People will respond to you in positive ways when you exude a positive, friendly, fearless attitude.

This is why successful people look and sound and behave successfully. Their thoughts and feelings and body language are congruent. You are  much more powerful when your totality is aligned. Then you can relax and be completely you! No mask.

Power Comes From Aligning Your Thoughts Words And Body

When you are purposeful and deliberate, courageous and confident you become unstoppable because you know you will prevail no matter what. Every neuron, every cell, every fiber of your being works together to accomplish it. You are focused, determined and living purposefully. Others will see the real you!

You will discover your power can be unlimited. You will find you notice and take advantage of opportunities and circumstances you may otherwise have missed. You will attract other positive people to you. Overall your well-being, your health and life improve!

So do not put it off another day. Adjust your thinking and Aadjust your posture. OR adjust your posture and adjust your thinking. Work on both. Use the tools, the methods, the approaches I have shared with you in these blog pages. Continue to read. Go back and read through the other pages too. Re-read again and again.

You will discover so many positive benefits when you act on the information shared here. If you will just put it into practice you will transform your life incredibly. If you wait and debate you will remain the same. For you to change yourself and your life, if you want to, you must decide to act. It is simple and it is completely up to you!” Rex Sikes

Have a passionate play day!!!

Subscribe and Follow Daily Inspiration and Gratitude!  Visit often. Feel free to comment. If you think others would benefit please share this blog with others.

NEWS     NEWS     NEWS     NEWS     NEWS     NEWS     NEWS  

*Horizons photo used with permission of Phil Koch.

HEADS UP!!!  Soon Daily Inspiration And Gratitude will have a new home.  A new URL, a new look and feel. All this content and new content will be delivered there. Some of you get this blog emailed to you,

I don’t know whether that will continue or not. I do know you will be able to subscribe to the blog and my new newsletter. I hope you will stay with us. I’d hate to lose you or have you miss any blog you want to receive. So will you stay with me?  I sure want you to. I’ll let you know when the change is taking place.

Act As If, Affirmations, Confidence, Creating The Future, Definite Chief Purpose, Directed Questions™, Faith, Focus, Habit Formation, Happiness, Intentional Thinking, Mental Movie Theater, Personal Development, Positive Affirmations, Rehearsal And Practice, Responsibility, Self Improvement, Self Talk, Success, Visualization

One Quality You Must Have To Be Happy & Succeed!

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horizon lake sunrise

“Do wishy washy people appeal to you? Isn’t it frustrating when a person is overly timid and will not say what the person wants? It is equally unattractive when someone is aggressive, isn’t it.  We don’t want to be around pushy, rude or threatening people either.

There are many desirable qualities to have in order to be happy and for success. One quality definitely required is assertiveness. An assertive person is neither aggressive nor passive.

Assert What You Want

Assertive is defined as confident or self confident, decisive, assured or self assured, forthright, firm, and emphatic. It means you are NOT aggressive or pushy or demanding. It means you are not cowering, afraid or too timid. It means you know what you want and can say so.

The word assured means reliable, dependable, certain, sure and secure. These qualities are ones you may need more of and that you can learn to acquire.  It is a great thing to be dependable!

When you are assertive it means you’re able to state your needs and desires confidently, in a straight forward manner, without apology. It means you are able to affirm what you want without being intimidating or threatening. You simply are confident, decisive, assured and forthright.

Be Confident And Assured You Will Make It Happen

You must be assertive to reach your goals.You must be assertive to achieve your definite chief aim or purpose. You must be assertive when it comes to making your life the way you want it to be. You cannot be wishy washy, and aggression will work against you. You must be firm, steadfast, committed and assured.

You need to know what you want. You must specify it and clarify it in your mind. You need to assert that you will get it. You believe it, you are confident and have faith you will accomplish it. You are reliable and dependable and secure in bringing it about. You think and speak what you want in positive terms and affirm this.

Affirm means to state as a fact, declare, assert, swear, vow, guarantee and pledge. It means you commit to making your goals and dreams come true and are willing to commit to it publicly. You don’t have to publicly announce your goals that isn’t the point.

Affirm It In Your Thoughts Words And Actions

It is probably wiser if you don’t. You don’t need naysayers or detractors or added pressure from peers or family. Just quietly but confidently go about creating what you want. Surprise everyone.

When you assert yourself you act with power. You are congruent in mind and body. You are at one with your purpose. You are totally aligned with what you want and your conviction that you will get it. You do not allow circumstances or others to intimidate or threaten you. You know you will see it through. Success is guaranteed!

So how do you become more assertive? The same way you become more of anything. You practice and you rehearse. You put it into motion and become it. You make being assertive a habit. That’s how you are currently the person you are. Only you did it without knowing you were doing it at the time. Now you do it with awareness and purpose!

You Are Already Who You Imagine Yourself To Be

First you become it in your mind. You imagine it in your mental movie theater. You see yourself acting assertively in situations. You imagine you already have it. If it is at first difficult to imagine yourself behaving differently look for positive role models who embody what you want.

That person could be someone you know who exemplifies it or it could be someone famous. Simply notice how they act and behave assertively and imagine you doing the same. Learn from their positive example. Leave out any personal characteristics that are not you. For example, they speak with an accent and you don’t. So don’t do it.

Use the inner theater daily, 5, 10, 20 minutes at a time, the more often and more time you can spend, at first, the more efficient you will become at doing this. Time can then be reduced. More importantly, do enough to be effective and not so much you quit. Make the time you spend manageable and enjoyable.

See yourself as an assertive person. Live your life knowing what you want, speaking it, without intimidating, but confidently, assured and positive. Notice how you look and sound. Notice how it feels to imagine this and enjoy the good feelings. Affirm this.

Make Affirmations Part Of Your Daily Thoughts And Activities

State positively that ‘I know what I want’, ‘I get what I want’, ‘I can always find a way to make it happen’ and other positive declarations. You can also phrase these as ‘You know what you want. You can make it happen.’ You can also put your own name in place of ‘I’ or ‘You’. All three are worthwhile to do.

Ask Directed Questions™ such as, ‘I wonder how delighted I will be to discover myself feeling more confident throughout each day? How much fun will it be to be more assertive in daily activities? How quickly and easily will I begin to notice, more and more each day, that I feel assured and positive that I will make my dreams come true?’

The key here is to ask open ended questions that direct your mind to what you want to have more of in your life. You want to be assertive, yes, and delighted, and notice changes, and have it easily and more quickly. So you direct your mind through positive questions.

The use of questions and affirmations help you to visualize. The point of visualizing is to create the feelings of what it feels like to already be what you want to be and have what you want to have. Together, these are a prime directive your subconscious mind gets.

Instruct Your Subconscious Mind As To What You Want

You live it first in your mind, feeling it and as you do you become it more and more in your behaviors. From within to without. Imagine it and you can become it. We become what we think about most during each day. What we think about we bring about!

Discover opportunities to clarify what you want and state it. There are numerous times throughout the day you can assert yourself. Remember to speak only in ways that bless, heal and prosper yourself and others. (See my previous posts about this). For example, act more assertive when you are ordering coffee.

Tell the individual taking your order firmly and politely what you want. Thank them. Don’t ask if you can have one, of course you can. You are paying for it. Be nice and state what you want. Practice this. Be sure to say thank you and smile. A smile shows you are friendly and you are confident.

You do the same with your goals in your mental movie theater. You first decide what you want. Stated in positive terms. Avoid stating what you don’t want. You may use what you don’t want to guide you into clarifying what you do want. Imagine yourself already in possession of it. Feel all the wonderful feelings. Savor them!

Imagine You Already Are The Person You Want To Become

Repeat daily and often throughout the day. Soon you will discover it becomes easier and easier and your behavior conforms to the image you have in your mind. Guess what, your behavior already has conformed to whatever image you have had in your life. If you don’t like the results change that inner image into a more positive and better one.

Who you are on the inside is who you are on the outside. If you want your life to change you will have to change things in your life. You must start with your own self image. You must start by evolving and updating you. You can be happier, you will have more personal and professional success as you imagine a happier and more successful you.

Make this a habit and you will be more readily able to change other habits along the way. You will become confident and secure in getting your goals. You WILL make them happen because YOU can make them happen. You will live knowing that you have the power within you to create the kind of life you want for yourself and love ones.” Rex Sikes

Have a thrilling day!

Subscribe and Follow Daily Inspiration and Gratitude!  Visit often. Feel free to comment. If you think others would benefit please share this blog with others.

NEWS     NEWS     NEWS     NEWS     NEWS     NEWS     NEWS  

*Horizons photo used with permission of Phil Koch.

HEADS UP!!!  Soon Daily Inspiration And Gratitude will have a new home.  A new URL, a new look and feel. All this content and new content will be delivered there. Some of you get this blog emailed to you,

I don’t know whether that will continue or not. I do know you will be able to subscribe to the blog and my new newsletter. I hope you will stay with us. I’d hate to lose you or have you miss any blog you want to receive. So will you stay with me?  I sure want you to. I’ll let you know when the change is taking place.

Affirmations, Attitude, Beliefs, Confidence, Creating The Future, Definite Chief Purpose, Expectations, Faith, Focus, Goals, Intentional Thinking, Overcoming Difficulty, Patience, Persistence, Personal Development, Positive Thinking, Responsibility, Self Improvement, Success

What You Do While Waiting To Succeed Is Critical!

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horizons pasture pathway

“Have you ever planted a garden? Have you ever tended to living, growing plants? As a child in school or as an adult did you help grow anything? Did you germinate seeds? Do you remember the process? Do you recall the time it took? You had to wait, didn’t you? Whether you liked it or not you had to wait.

People are in a hurry. They want everything fast and they want it yesterday. Well, some things just take time.  For everything there is as season. You just have to endure winter when it is upon you. It still takes the same amount of time whether you like it or not.

Patience Is How You Wait When You Have To Wait

How you go through it though makes the difference. Summer is shorter typically because we enjoy it more. Most of us. If we enjoy something time seems to go by quickly. Too quick. The key to being patient, when you have to, is HOW you spend your time.

If you are having fun and enjoying it will go by quickly. If you are counting the days and comparing the distance between now and then it will seem to take forever. Waiting is completely dependent on you and how you wait. If you are desperate it sucks. If you are fulfilled while you wait it is a breeze.

Growing up as an actor in Hollywood I discovered everyone wants to ‘break through’ to ‘hit it’ to become an ‘overnight sensation’ this moment. Especially teens and twenty somethings. At that age we want it all!  In the film business, most everyone comes to realize, an overnight success takes between 10 and 15 years.

You Cannot Rush It You Cannot Push A Rope

It is not just a saying. It is a reality. Few pop. Most take years and years. Exceptions are child stars. Look at anyone’s credits on imdb and you will see most started with uncredited roles or one liners and worked hard at it, for years, before you or I ever heard of them. They put in years worth of work before anyone noticed. During that time countless thousands of others gave up.

Those who keep at it usually have success of some kind. Those who quit, well, they quit. If you stop and give up, then you stopped. If you keep going you can prevail. Being patient doesn’t mean you don’t do anything while waiting it means you keep moving forward and keep the faith. What you think and do while you wait is critical!

You have to believe in yourself and what you want. You have to keep faith in your ability to accomplish what you set out to do.  You have to know in your heart that you will make it happen in spite of the odds and the time it takes. You have to know that you can do it and will do it!

Don’t Give Up If You Want To Succeed Keep At It

There will be obstacles, set backs and temporary defeat but if you keep at it you can accomplish it. You can and you will!

Did you know that most successful people nearly gave up just prior to gaining their success? Did you know that prior to ‘popping’ most experienced their biggest ‘failures’?  They were nearly crushed and threw in the towel. Those who did not went on to success.

Did you know the first million seems the toughest to make? Do you know Researchers like Napoleon Hill, going back over 100 years ago discovered this and it remains true today. It always seems darkest right before the dawn. Out of chaos and calamity stars are born!

Stay Focused Stay Purposed Stay Passionate And Have Fun

Any worthy purpose takes time to come into being. Be absolutely clear on what you want and you absolutely want it no matter what. If you believe in yourself that you can make it happen then you can find legitimate means to bring it to pass. Stay focused! Stay purposed! Stay Passionate!

When you plant seeds they germinate. The seed must crack open and send out shoots into prepared soil where it can grow in the cover of darkness for however long it takes. It takes time and we can’t see it. We have to believe all is well and make sure it gets nourished. Then one day it breaks forth from the ground a tiny plant.

With continued nourishment it can continue to grow. Depending on what you planted it could be a flower, a food, or a giant tree. It all takes times. It takes whatever time it takes. Ultimately, it produces more seeds and the cycle continues. All the while we wait patiently there is activity. Their is growth and development.

Keep The Faith You Will Succeed 

Patience is a quality you have. It is HOW you wait. It means expect to win while you wait. It means do whatever is necessary knowing your efforts will pay off even if you can’t see the results today. Stay steady and stay consistent. Step by step you get there. Persist!

It means you can’t hurry or rush it. Take steps each day and nourish your success. Stick with it and you will make progress. What you planted you will one day reap. Don’t abandon your positive garden! How you wait is important! Affirm, acknowledge, stay positive.

Focus on the end result. You can glance at present circumstances or difficulty as you do your dash board indicators, while driving, but keep you eyes on the road ahead and keep faith in your heart. You may need to adjust your plans or take detours occasionally but keep on going. Know your destination and keep traveling to get there. You will. Be patient” Rex Sikes

Have a triumphant day!

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*Horizons photo used with permission of Phil Koch.

HEADS UP!!!  Soon Daily Inspiration And Gratitude will have a new home.  A new URL, a new look and feel. All this content and new content will be delivered there. Some of you get this blog emailed to you,

I don’t know whether that will continue or not. I do know you will be able to subscribe to the blog and my new newsletter. I hope you will stay with us. I’d hate to lose you or have you miss any blog you want to receive. So will you stay with me?  I sure want you to. I’ll let you know when the change is taking place.

Acceptance, Attitude, Emotions, Energy, Faith, Friendship, Happiness, Love, Personal Development, Positive Thinking, Relationships, Self Improvement, Smiling

What To Do When Hurting

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“Are you hurting? Have you been hurt, sad and disappointed? Do you know anyone who is grieving? How about family and friends who are down and out, things just aren’t working well for them and they could use some help? Know anyone like this? It could be you or someone else? It could be someone close to you or a stranger.

It is true we all have struggles. There are difficulties people face. Some manage better than others but the fact is that everyone at sometime has pain and suffering, hurt and loss. We all are human and there is a wide range of human emotions.

We need to understand that people hurt. Even people who have more than you or I, or who seem to have it all together face challenges. There are people more fortunate and less fortunate but it rains and shines on all.

Understand this and have more compassion. Understand that we all need a kind word from time to time, a hug, a look of understanding, or silent but present support. Some people want you to help fix it with them, or even for them. Others don’t want any help they just want you to stand with them and for them.

Sometimes we need to be quiet while people get it together at other times the may want, need or expect some encouragement. Most importantly, whether family or friend, or stranger all people need a true friend at times.

Open your heart to all people. Spread love and light around. Even if it is only in your positive imagination that is better than judgement and criticism. Wish people well. Send them kind thoughts and energy. Help them if you are able. Accept their suffering and allow them to be who they are without conditions.

When we understand we are all in it together we can discover more happiness for each of us. A rising tide lifts all boats. Pain passes as do joys. Tomorrow brings another day. Darkness precedes dawn. Day gives way to night. There are cycles too. Allow nature to take its course. Be patient. ‘This too will pass’.

Be sensitive. Be kind. Be tolerant and accepting. Be more welcoming and inviting. Open up and extend your kindness to everyone. Even those who you may have thought, in your past, that they didn’t deserve it. Transform yourself. When you include all others YOU transform because you become available. Be gentle and loving. Spread peace. Help make someone’s day a little easier.

If you are hurting the best way out is to help another who is hurting too. If you need help or a kind word allow yourself to ask for it. Be a friend to others and be a friend to yourself. Treat yourself as you would treat a loved one who is needing compassion. Love yourself!

Sometimes people just need a smile. Smile more today. Give a positive nod. Let people know you see them, they aren’t invisible. They count! Help make another person’s day more pleasant. Enjoy giving someone an emotional boost. Speak well, speak to bless, heal and prosper all. As you do this you will feel it!

Your heart will open more and you may experience all sorts of little joys and big ones you didn’t know possible. Delight in helping others delight! You will discover there is magic everywhere!” Rex Sikes

Have a great day!

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*Horizons photo used with permission of Phil Koch.

HEADS UP!!!  Soon Daily Inspiration And Gratitude will have a new home.  A new URL, a new look and feel. All this content and new content will be delivered there. Some of you get this blog emailed to you,

I don’t know whether that will continue or not. I do know you will be able to subscribe to the blog and my new newsletter. I hope you will stay with us. I’d hate to lose you or have you miss any blog you want to receive. So will you stay with me?  I sure want you to. I’ll let you know when the change is taking place.

 

Attitude, Blessings, Celebration, Creating The Future, Directed Questions™, Focus, Goals, Gratitude, Habit Formation, Healthy Choices, Intentional Thinking, Learning, Personal Development, Positive Thinking, Rehearsal And Practice, Self Improvement, Unlimited Power

Learn The One Thing Guaranteed To Improve Your Life, Longevity & Happiness?

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“If there was one thing you could do that would improve your attitude, your mental health and even your physical health would you want to know what it is? Would you do it? Are you interested in maximizing your potential and the quality of your life? If you are please read on.

In my last blog I emphasized recognizing, acknowledging and appreciating your strengths, talents and abilities. Celebrate you good points and your strong ones. This is important for a couple of reasons.

Search Ask Questions

Your mental search and discovery is extremely useful. When you set your mind to look for the positive things about you you will find them.  This is precisely why asking better quality positive questions is so important. It is why I have recommended Directed Questions™ for so many years.

Unfortunately, many, if not most people, look for the negative. Don’t worry you will find those as well if you bother to look. Your mind will deliver whatever you focus on and it will deliver multiple examples. Birds of a feather flock together is a useful reminder.

It comes up with more that one answer because part of the way the mind works is by association. It finds relevant, similar examples to deliver. So you want good taste to prevail. You want to be smart about what you search for. Search for what you want to find.

When you search for positive, strengths and abilities you will find them. If you are one of the few who can’t seem to remember many examples at first just keep looking. Keep asking ‘what am I good at?’ ‘what is something else I am good at’ or ‘what other things am I good at?’ Continue to probe and to prod and the answers will soon come.

Reflect And Review

Think about how you interact with people.  What you do in the form of activities, work and play? Where you spend time?  What you know or are knowledgeable about? Sometimes finding the answers comes from adjusting the question or a word.

For those who think, I am not good at anything (because their use of good represents too high of a standard) they may have to  first think about those things they do well at or just better than other things. You may have to keep asking in different ways. In actual use getting answers back from your own brain is pretty darn easy. Keep asking!

Focus on the type of answers you want. What you excel at or in. These constitute resources you have from your past. They are your strong points that you can apply in your present or future. They are things about yourself to celebrate and appreciate. They are part of you and your history. They are your present and your future too.

Remembering and counting these as blessings can help you feel better and be more positive because you focus on your strengths. You set your mind thinking along intentional productive lines. You are more positive because you can find examples in your own history of things you succeed at or accomplish well.

Realize And  Recognize

Discover the many different areas you have strengths in and the many additional strengths you have yet to realize. Then keep doing it.  Keep doing it. Search, find, recognize, validate and celebrate!

The way to stay more youthful,  have more fun, feel better, think better and clearer is to keep learning new things. Learning is the key. It is the answer!  When you set out to learn something you establish a purpose or goal. Stay a perpetual learner. It keeps you healthier!

Do you want to be able to ski, to sew, to sell, to speak better. Whatever you want to learn you start off with no ability or not knowing how. You negotiate a learning curve all the while practicing or playing. As you continue you learn to get better or even good at it. You have set a goal and a direction to travel in. Then you traveled.

This is beneficial for many reasons. When you learn new things you have to engage in new behaviors, new thoughts, new  ways and different ways of understanding. You need to create new neural pathways. You add newness to your existing skill base.

Celebrate And Delight Be Happy

You actually grow your brain capacity by adding to the neural networks. As you learn and incorporate new abilities and overcome new challenges you keep your brain healthier because the brain loves challenges. It likes puzzles and things to do. It thrives on novelty and being used. You know the saying, use it or lose it.

Use your brain! Use your body to learn a variety of new things. Dedicate yourself to picking up new skills and talents. Have fun discovering other things you may enjoy doing and learning about. Read about them yes, but don’t just read about them get up and out and do them. Consider learning new things you never considered before. Learn on your own and with others. Take classes, get involved. Meet others!

Research has demonstrated that just learning fine finger motor skills such as playing keyboard and stringed instruments, or even finger movement exercises does much to improve overall cognition, keep the brain young and prevent dementia. Exercise and sports contribute to overall well-being and physical health when done properly. Learn new things to do! Get positive mental, emotional and physical stimulation.

Learn to sing, play piano, paint, ski, draw, act, or dance. Sit down and write a play, a script a novel. Learn computer programming or gaming. Take up filmmaking, photography, sports, biking, yoga, any form of art or crafts. Go for Formula 1 driving lessons. ANYTHING! Try crossword puzzles and board games like chess. Challenge yourself. There is so much to choose from. Never limit yourself! Get a coach or mentor!

Keep Learn New Skills Add To Your Strengths

You do not have to go skydiving. Certainly, you can but this isn’t about risk. It is about learning a new ability and adding it to your behavior repertoire. See my previous blogs about adding novelty to your daily routine. Your brain loves novelty. Spice up your days add in novelty. Do things a new and different way. Challenge yourself.

When you have a youthful brain, a positively focused brain, a happier you, you feel and act and behave healthier. You can be healthier too! When you align yourself mentally, emotionally, spiritually you align physically too. Of course, learning to do healthy things and incorporate these into your daily routine helps as well.

Practice well being in mind, body and soul. Every day allows you the opportunity to learn or practice something. Each day you can discover new ways to improve yourself and others.  Continue to learn, grow and develop yourself and you can find so much more to be joyous and excited about.

It gives you something to look forward to. So look to your passions. Try things out. Explore and adventure for new things to add into your behavioral repertoire and you knowledge base. Have fun, skip, sing, dance, doodle, and enjoy finding out more of what you are good at. A flower either grows and blooms or withers and dies. Keep growing!” Rex Sikes

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*Horizons photo used with permission of Phil Koch.

HEADS UP!!!  Soon Daily Inspiration And Gratitude will have a new home.  A new URL, a new look and feel. All this content and new content will be delivered there. Some of you get this blog emailed to you,

I don’t know whether that will continue or not. I do know you will be able to subscribe to the blog and my new newsletter. I hope you will stay with us. I’d hate to lose you or have you miss any blog you want to receive. So will you stay with me?  I sure want you to. I’ll let you know when the change is taking place.

What wonderful things can you share, and with whom, today?

Subscribe and Follow Daily Inspiration and Gratitude!  Visit often. Feel free to comment. If you think others would benefit please share this blog with others.

Acceptance, Affirmations, Attitude, Celebration, Curiosity, Emotions, Focus, Gratitude, Habit Formation, Learning, Personal Development, Rehearsal And Practice, Self Improvement, Success

It Is Important To Know What You Are Good At!

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Phil koch green sky grass and creek

“Is there something you are good at? Do you have a particular talent? Can you can sing, dance, act or make people laugh? Maybe you are good with people? How about numbers? Do you have a flair for interior design, engineering or mathematics? Perhaps, you are good at writing screenplays, stories, articles or letters.

Maybe you are good in science or at managing money? You could be a wonderful conversationalist or storyteller. What is your talent? What is your passion? Do you like photography, cinematography or making music? Do you paint, sculpt, draw or scribble?

Maybe you like knitting. You could be great with cars. How about kids, you are good with kids! Are you an educator, a cook or a cop? What do you like to do? What are you good at? What is your strength? All of us have at least one thing we are good at. Most of us have a few and some of us many things we are accomplished in.

Become Aware Of Your Talents And Abilities

It can be your work, a hobby or simply something you excel at. It doesn’t matter whether you use it in a job or at play. It doesn’t matter how good you are compared to anyone else. These strengths are what YOU are good at. They are what you are strong in. These are areas you are talented in. Aspects you like and enjoy about yourself.

Recognize your strengths. Celebrate these. Embrace them. Be proud of your abilities. They can be mental skills, emotional skills or physical skills. You might be really good at thinking things through, asking questions and  finding solutions.

You could be a great listener, a true friend.  You might be good at understanding, loving or being compassionate. Perhaps, you are able to see the bright side in situations and encourage others or find humor.

Know Your Strengths

Maybe you are good at a sport or games. Do you like building or making things. Whether it is making clothes, decorations  or carpentry you are good with your hands. You might be musically inclined or play an instrument.

Whatever areas you excel at enjoy and do your best at. Don’t compare others to yourself. It isn’t necessary to be the best just do your best. The key is to accept, embrace and celebrate these aspects of you. After all, they are your resources. Your skills! Your Talents!

Your strengths are things you may have naturally demonstrated a proficiency in or that you learned to acquire. Some may have come more easily or you may have exerted great effort. The point is these are yours!

Embrace Your Strengths And Skills

Take an inventory of the many different areas you do well in. Think about who you are and what you able to do. Note which things you excel at and be grateful. Appreciate yourself. Feel it! Really FEEL IT!

Become aware that you have learned to do many things.  You have learned to be mobile. You  have learned to walk, feed oneself and dress yourself. You learned ride a bike, take public transportation or drive a car. You learned to communicate, speak, sign, read and write.

You have learned countless things which require complex thinking skills and physical abilities to co-ordinate. You learned these and so many others. Most everything you do you have learned by watching, by experimenting using trial, error and feedback, and by repeating over and over until you got good at it.

Celebrate Who You Are And What You Can Do

You may have done it mostly on your own with help or coaching. The point is you have learned so many incredible things. Do not take this for granted! Stop, think, reflect. Spend time adding these to things those you appreciate and are grateful for. Count your blessings.

We all have strengths and none of us are good at everything. People are good at different things. It makes the world more wonderful this way. Enjoy your talents and strong points. Think about this a lot. Affirm your good points. Do it daily. As you search for strengths notice ones you may not have ever previously considered.

Of course you can list your abilities on a resume or discuss them during an interview. Good to know what your strengths are then. Most importantly is you recognize what you are able to do and enjoy and what you have accomplished already.

You Have Learned So Many Wonderful Useful Things

Come to know your strengths and abilities! Realize you learned these and because you learned them you can learn anything if you want to. Keep growing and finding things that you enjoy, that you are excited about and feel passion for. Live, Learn, Love, Laugh!

You’ll find many things if you will only take the time to really look. Enjoy your discoveries. Keep learning too. Keep growing. Keep stretching and keep using your talents and abilities. Delight!” Rex Sikes

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*Horizons photo used with permission of Phil Koch.

HEADS UP!!!  Soon Daily Inspiration And Gratitude will have a new home.  A new URL, a new look and feel. All this content and new content will be delivered there. Some of you get this blog emailed to you,

I don’t know whether that will continue or not. I do know you will be able to subscribe to the blog and my new newsletter. I hope you will stay with us. I’d hate to lose you or have you miss any blog you want to receive. So will you stay with me?  I sure want you to. I’ll let you know when the change is taking place.

find the fun in this day!

Subscribe and Follow Daily Inspiration and Gratitude!  Visit often. Feel free to comment. If you think others would benefit please share this blog with others.

 

Acceptance, Attitude, Celebration, Emotions, Energy, Flow, Gratitude, Healthy Choices, Laughter, Personal Development, Positive Thinking, Relaxation, Self Improvement, Smiling, Vibrations

Do This To Improve Energy Levels, Get Healthier & Enjoy Your Life To The Fullest!

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phil koch purple flower horizon

“Have you ever felt the need to get away? Maybe, you just want to take a break and let go. Can you do that for yourself? Do you know what to do when you feel stressed or overwhelmed?

It is as important to rest as it is to nourish ourselves and be active. Here are some simple ways to relax, let go and replenish your energy?  Let go and simplify for whatever amount of time you can.

Get outside of the box. Get away from artificial light, electronics and the ambient noise that exists that we don’t consciously notice but that persists and adds to our stress. Cut the cord! If only for a bit. Take it easy.

If you can’t get a weekend away, or some significant time to chill at least take a little time each day to unwind and feel better. Take some time today. Enjoy yourself before this day ends.

Sit outdoors. Lie back on the lawn, or sit under a tree. Hang out on the porch or in the backyard. If you can, go somewhere quiet and peaceful away from city activity. Have a beverage you enjoy. Let go, unwind. Sit peacefully. It is wonderful. Do nothing. Just recharge.

Breath. Enjoy the breeze on your skin. Watch, listen or simply close your eyes and be. Pay attention to your senses. Notice, witness. Watch clouds move in the sky. Listen to the leaves in the breeze. Do nothing.

Go for a barefoot walk. Feel how good it feels. Feel the earth, the grass, the sun, the fresh air. Look far off into the distance for awhile. Look to the horizon as you walk. Enjoy the sun and warmth on your skin. Listen to the sounds of nature. Get away for a bit. Sit by the ocean, a lake, river or stream.

Do less today. Stress less. Stay calm.  Enjoy feeling peace. Listen more, talk less. Don’t get baited into arguments or gossip, let them go. If you speak – when you speak – speak only to bless, heal and prosper yourself and others.

Smile more. Laugh more. Celebrate more. Skip, hum, sing, sway, dance. Move your body in relaxation and comfort. Let go.

Make today about gentle replenishing. Imagine feeling positive where ever you go and whatever you do. Be gentle, kind, compassionate with yourself and others. Ease your way through the world. Look, listen, feel, smell and taste today. Delight!

Relax. Take a bath, a steam, a sauna. Get a massage. Meditate. Flow.

Shut off the electronics. Get away from them. Turn off the cell, the computer, the TV for awhile. Eat some wonderful, well prepared. healthy food. No microwaves, nothing fast. Dine leisurely. Savor it. Sleep in a totally dark room. No light, no alarm light, nothing. Complete darkness.

Read some inspirational material. Allow your thoughts and feelings and actions today to be the finest. Rest. Spend time in gratitude and count your blessings prior to drifting off. Get some good sleep and awaken refreshed. Live, love, laugh, delight.” Rex Sikes

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*Horizons photo used with permission of Phil Koch.

HEADS UP!!!  Soon Daily Inspiration And Gratitude will have a new home.  A new URL, a new look and feel. All this content and new content will be delivered there. Some of you get this blog emailed to you,

I don’t know whether that will continue or not. I do know you will be able to subscribe to the blog and my new newsletter. I hope you will stay with us. I’d hate to lose you or have you miss any blog you want to receive. So will you stay with me?  I sure want you to. I’ll let you know when the change is taking place.

Have a beautiful day!

Subscribe and Follow Daily Inspiration and Gratitude!  Visit often. Feel free to comment. If you think others would benefit please share this blog with others.

Attitude, Decision, Energy, Expectations, Faith, Focus, Habit Formation, Happiness, Intentional Thinking, Joy, Personal Development, Positive Affirmations, Positive Thinking, Responsibility, Self Improvement, Self Talk

How To Stop Blaming And Start Living

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Phil Koch horizon songs of the setting

“How do you respond when someone lets you down? What do you do?  Have you ever blamed or accused them? Did you later regret it? Have you accused, blamed or found fault with your children when what you really want to do is simply love and nurture them?

We don’t want to blame our kids, do we? Perhaps, you blamed your spouse, of life partner, a sibling or friends. Did it help or make things worse?  Usually, it really doesn’t help, does it?  Would you like to find a way to help you respond differently?

In my last blog I shared with you some ideas for putting a stop to self blame and working to follow through on promises you make. I hope you will put the information into practice. That is the proper use of knowledge. To use it! Today I’ll share some on how to ease up on others.

Stop Blaming Others

Nobody likes to be blamed.! Find a way to stop. It may sound easier to do than in actual reality but you can make this change if you really want to. Intense desire for change makes it all the more possible.

When you are sick and tired of the old way being and positive you want to move forward in a new way that makes it much more likely. You have to want it! That is important. Extremely important!

Okay, for example: There are times when others promise you something but drop the ball. They promise you but do not follow through. It may feel good to hurl insults at them and accuse them and tell them how let down you are but it accomplishes little.

In the short term you may have the upper hand but it rarely helps you get what you want it to.  It is mostly just a way to punish. Your ego may be satisfied but nothing else changes. So do something else!

The key to changing behaviors is changing your mindset. Since thought precedes actions working with your thoughts is the place to begin. Most people can use a positive attitude adjustment anyway.

Determine What You Want

First, you know what it is you want to change or eliminate or at least do less of. You have identified the unwanted behavior. Great, now let it go and identify the behavior you want to do instead. What do you want? This is what you focus on from here on out.

You shift your focus away from blame and to what you want to do instead. Perhaps, it is to understand better; listen attentively; be compassionate; or act more loving. Focus on the replacement behavior not the behavior you wish to eliminate.

When traveling you think of your destination and where you want to go. You determine where you want to end up. You can’t be focused on the city you left, looking back at it and move forward at the same time. You have to look towards where you want to go. Steer yourself towards what you want.

You have to want to change. I already said that, but it is important! Really want it and know what you want.

Phrase It In The Positive

What you think and say is important. It is critical. What you say is a reflection of what you think and feel. Words have their own creative power. So you want to state what you want positively. You need to phrase it in positive words. ‘I want to eat healthy food’ rather than ‘I won’t eat donuts’.

You want the mental image to be of what you want. You want healthy food. You want to eat healthy. You want to eat correctly. You want to eat to maintain your ideal weight. This is what you keep in mind and affirm to yourself.

When you say, ‘I don’t want to eat donuts’ or ‘I won’t eat donuts’ What do you picture in your mind? Donuts!  All you end up thinking about are donuts. Remember, we get what we focus on. We become what we think about. It is no different than saying, ‘don’t think of a purple elephant wearing a yellow hat’. Ooops too late.

Since the mind doesn’t process negative language, ‘don’t, won’t, will not’ etc., you want to be certain you phrase your positive affirmation the way the mind processes.  State, ‘I want to breath freely’ not ‘I want to quit smoking’. ‘I want to listen for understanding’ rather than ‘I won’t blame’.

Speak Only To Bless, Heal And Prosper

Don’t get hung by your own tongue! What we think about is what we talk about. What we say has power too. If we talk about negative things or talk negatively about things we get that negativity back.

If you state, ‘I am unlucky’, or ask yourself, ‘why am I so unlucky’ your brain will deliver the answers. Most likely will be more than one because the brain won’t stop at just one example of ‘why’.

If you say, ‘I dread tomorrow’ or ‘I’m having a bad day’ you will. You get back what you put out there. Stop it and make it a point to only speak that which blesses, heals and prospers you and others. You can’t be blaming yourself or others if you can only bless, heal and prosper.

Restrict yourself to find only the best things to think and say. It will take some time to form the habit but you can do it if you want to. Correct repetition repeated frequently for long enough is how we form any habit. People form bad habits and good habits the same way. It is time to start forming some positive productive habits.

Take Responsibility

You are responsible for your own feelings. If someone lets you down it is up to you how you chose to respond. If you react out of anger and blame them you are not taking responsibility but shifting it to them. It doesn’t belong with them.

You are responsible for your feelings when you trust someone else to follow through for you. You are giving away your power when you expect someone else to act for you. You are no longer  doing it they are.

Right there, at this point, you have relinquished control. If that person disappoints, for whatever the reason, ultimate you set the situation up for that to happen. Own this. It is your responsibility.

You may not have intended it to work out as it did but you placed your satisfaction in someone else’s hands. If they let you down and didn’t do what they promised it may suck. You expected them to deliver and they did not. Maybe, you should not have expected it or you should have done it yourself to be certain.

Do you see what I am aiming at? Yes, they did not complete the act as you hoped but it is your hoping and expecting that is the issue. Some one said, ‘disappointment requires adequate planning’. You wouldn’t be let down if you hadn’t expected them to do something in the first place.

When you put your faith in someone else to follow through on your behalf anything can come up to prevent them. Don’t get bent out of shape. I believe people should honor their word but when others let us down it really is our choice how we respond.

The best response may be, ‘oh well’ and then think how to solve or remedy the situation if it is a problem. Don’t get hooked into the disappointment and blame someone else.

Stop Take  A Deep Breath 

If you want to respond more positively and not blame you need to not get hooked. Go back and read through my blogs on how to keep from getting hooked. Go back and read all my blogs it would be good to revisit again and again.

Fill your mind with positive inspiring material over and over again. It makes it easier to only think and speak those things that bless, heal and prosper when you fill your mind. Fill it and keep it filled!

When you begin to get hot, flustered, frustrated or angry and you notice it you want to take a deep breath and interrupt the behavior. There is a sequence we each go through when ‘losing control’ or ‘getting angry’. The key is to be come aware this is happening as soon as possible.

When you are get angry what happens? How do you know you are getting angry? Describe what you first notice when ‘losing control’. When you do this you will begin to recognize the sequence; what happens first, then second and after that and so on.

Some people, ‘see red’, or ‘get hot under the collar’, ‘can’t see straight’, or hold their breath, or feel themselves getting hot, or raise their voice, or pound their fist. Notice what happens as you get angry. Pay close attention to what is the very first thing that happens inside you that let’s you know anger is happening.

That is the moment you want to catch. In many blogs I shared insights into preventing the negative unwanted emotions from gaining momentum and flooding you. You want to short circuit those impulses when you get mad and begin to blame.

You stop, interrupt them, and divert the energy into moving in a more positive direction. You leave the old and focus on the new. A great practice is to take a deep breath and as you let it out, sigh.

This creates a pause in the sequence. Take another breath and another. Walk if you need to. Release the energy through productive movement. Shift your attention from what is upsetting or hooking you to what solution you can find. What are you able to do to resolve it? What resources do you have? Think along these lines. Do it!

Manage Your Expectations.

I repeat, anything can happen, anything can come up to prevent someone from successfully following through. So don’t put so much faith in others to please you. It is not their job. You know the saying, ‘Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me’.

You can trust that they will follow through and you can hope BUT if they don’t, for any reason, let it go. You cannot dictate outcomes when you give up control. You need to learn that, adjust and move on.

When you blame you give up your power. You hurl negative energy and that is what you focus on since it occupies your attention. Whatever you focus on expands and that is what you get back. You get more negativity. STOP!

When you assume responsibility you put yourself in charge. You take control. When you are responsible for everything concerning you 100% (even if in reality this may not be accurate) it gives you tremendous power. You assume responsibility.

Claim Your Power Take Control

People can let you down. They may or may not follow through. Sometimes, that is just the way of life. Get over it. There will always be things that don’t go as anticipated. You may have to make corrections for others actions. Suck it up and move on!

When things don’t go as you hoped you can feel bummed or you can put on your positive thinking cap and realize a new opportunity now exists for you. You may not be able to see it yet. You probably won’t be able to. Even if you can’t yet see it there is something there that one day you might discover.

This COULD BE the very best thing that COULD HAVE happened. It COULD be. Only in looking back will you truly know. Time will tell. Expect the best. Stay positive! Often, people look back at something that, when they were going through it, thought it was the worst thing that could ever happen.

NOW, however, they describe it as the BEST thing that ever happened to them. When you look back you are able to see how your decisions led you to where you are right now. A change of perspective allows you to see things differently.

Spend Your Time Wisely

How you spend your time is important. You can be bummed, blame others and yourself. You can let negativity consume you OR you can think, ‘oh well’ and move on. Assume control, take charge, do what you can do to fix it and expect it to work out for the best. Attitude is everything! Stay positive.

You can never be 100% certain they won’t let you down. BUT you can increase your odds. Even then, be wise enough to know, anything is possible and don’t get hooked.

One way to increase the likelihood that they will keep their word is to make it a big deal when they do something for you. Genuinely act so delighted with their attempt that you encourage them to want to please you more in the future.

Teach Them How To Treat You By Going First

Because you respond so positively they don’t want to disappoint you. They like that you are thrilled with them or with their results. Teach them how to treat you by treating them that way first. Encourage!

If you help them feel good all the way through the process they are more likely want to make you feel good with the results. This makes it win win! Whenever you can help another person to win and to feel good do it! It will go a long way towards you feeling good.

When you want something from someone validate that person first. Make them feel good about doing what they are doing for you. Whenever you ask anyone to do anything for you, IMPLIED in your request IS A PROMISE you will be delighted with the result. Keep your promise!

Keep your promise to yourself and to others. Be delighted. Make your tasks and your promises ones you can succeed at. Manage them by making them do-able. Then you will never fail.

Then you can praise and encourage yourself and others along. Life will become much more wonderful when you drop blame and make what you want to happen happen. You can do this! You can find a way and as you do everything becomes so much more delightful!” Rex Sikes

NEWS     NEWS     NEWS     NEWS     NEWS     NEWS     NEWS  

*Horizons photo used with permission of Phil Koch.

HEADS UP!!!  Soon Daily Inspiration And Gratitude will have a new home.  A new URL, a new look and feel. All this content and new content will be delivered there. Some of you get this blog emailed to you,

I don’t know whether that will continue or not. I do know you will be able to subscribe to the blog and my new newsletter. I hope you will stay with us. I’d hate to lose you or have you miss any blog you want to receive. So will you stay with me?  I sure want you to. I’ll let you know when the change is taking place.

Delight and celebrate this day!

Subscribe and Follow Daily Inspiration and Gratitude!  Visit often. Feel free to comment. If you think others would benefit please share this blog with others.

Attitude, Creating The Future, Emotions, Expectations, Focus, Getting Over The Past, Habit Formation, Overcoming Difficulty, Personal Development, Positive Thinking, Relationships, Responsibility, Self Improvement

Sick Of The Blame Game? Learn The Secret How Not To Play It!

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“Sometimes you screw up and make a mistake. What do you do? You have had times when either you have hurt somebody else or yourself. Do you own up to it? Do you blame others or do you blame yourself? It is easy to do. What do you do? Do you take responsibility?

After all is said and done if you did it or didn’t do what you were supposed to it IS your responsibility. It is your responsibility. Let that sink in. It is your responsibility. No one else is responsible but you.

It Is Your Responsibility BUT Not Your Fault.

These are not the same. Responsibility means it is up to you. It suggests you have a burden or obligation to follow through on. You do, this is true. You should be responsible to yourself and others. You should keep your word.

Accountability (to be accountable)  means you are answerable for or liable for the actions. You are. If you follow through or not on your word, whatever the outcome, you are answerable for your actions. There may be consequences. Usually there are.

Fault, as a noun, means responsible as in ‘I am responsible. It is my fault’. Fault as a verb means to criticize, condemn, attack, and censure. Typically, fault means to  blame. Stop blame!

If you are responsible for something and you don’t do it you should accept you did not do it. You are both responsible and accountable. You are answerable to and for your obligation. The buck stops with you. You should not blame others nor should you blame yourself.

You Are Responsible You Are Accountable But Without Blame

Blame is an added on reaction that has nothing to do with you. It has nothing to do with others. It is something you learned to do from others while growing up. In blaming other people you seek to escape the consequences for your actions.  You did not, nor do you, want to be punished. No one does, typically.

Parents, peers, teachers, friends have and blamed you while telling you you were responsible and accountable for your actions. The two were unfortunately paired.  As a result when things go wrong you look for someone to blame. This should stop! Finding fault is not the key to positive personal development.

You don’t have to blame yourself to accept responsibility and accountability for actions. When you blame yourselves you punish yourself. You learned to be critical, to condemn and to be hard on yourself.

The original intent, most likely, was to insure you don’t escape the consequences of your actions. The intent may have been worthwhile but what you learned to do while growing up resulted in bad feelings, poor self image and self esteem. You can learn to be loving, kind, gentle and permissive instead.

Stop Blaming Yourself 

If you tell someone you will call them and you don’t. Accept responsibility and be accountable. Call them and apologize. Make good on your promise. Make no excuses, don’t blame yourself or anything else. Own up!

Be willing to state, ‘I didn’t do it. I am sorry I dropped the ball’. Then make good on it. Do what is necessary to repair the situation. Accept responsibility, apologize and never repeat the same mistake twice.

Repair the situation if you are able. If you are not able to (for whatever the reason) then do whatever you have to do to set it straight. Leave the person you let down better off than before. Never leave someone worse off! Make full amends then go the extra mile.

Then, privately, pat yourself on the back for owing up to it and following through with your original intentions. Pat yourself on the back and congratulate yourself for making good without excuses or blame.

Acknowledge that you took responsibility, owned up, made good, corrected the situation and feel good. Enjoy these good feelings. OWN them! The positive feelings are important! Embrace them!

As you continue the practice of acknowledging yourself positively when you do take responsibility you will learn a new response to it. You will encourage these behaviors to become new habits for you.

Encourage What You Want To Be Able To Do

When you want a baby or toddler to repeat behaviors, if you are a loving parent, you nurture the behavior through encouragement and reward. You help the child feel good about what the child is learning to do. You want good feelings! You praise and promote the child.

Creating pain and punishment leads to fear, helplessness and in some cases hopelessness. Sadly, after the child learns the behaviors, too many people then hold the child accountable and blame if child doesn’t perform as expected. This cycle is repeated in families and by teachers and peers from ancient times to today. It is how we learned to find fault, accuse and blame.

If you try to do something for yourself or family and it doesn’t work out understand that blaming yourself doesn’t help you. Take responsibility and be accountable. That helps! Blame, self criticism, self condemnation, calling yourself names, feeling bad does not. Blame adds insult to injury. Blame is negative.

Find A Way To Release Yourself From Self Blame.

If you want to clean the garage or organize your office or home space but you typically don’t follow through it is easy to fall into self blame. Here’s what you can do when you promise yourself that you will do something. Whatever it is you want to do. If you say you are going to do something – do some thing!

Take tiny steps. Don’t commit to doing it all by a certain deadline. Take it piece by piece. Break it down into easy, manageable tasks that you can easily do.  Make it a point that you are going to pick up or throw out or put away one item each time you enter and leave the room.

This is possible. This is completely do-able! It may take longer to get the room cleaned but each time you do something, you want to and intend to do, you can feel good that you are moving in the right direction. You are creating some forward momentum.

Create Small Wins And Doable Actions

You promised yourself you will read inspirational material 30 minutes a day but you don’t. You let yourself down. You broke your promise. Instead of blame or feeling bad commit to less time. Commit to few minutes. How about 5minutes. If you can’t do that 1 minute.

How about a page? One page, a single page. You COULD do that! Put books in the bathroom and read while in there. Take a book with you wherever you go. Read when you can’t do anything else or when there is nothing else to do. You are stopped at a railroad crossing – read! While waiting for someone, or your coffee or meal -read!

If you want to gain or lose weight or change your eating habits. Break it into tiny steps you can easily do and keep doing. Maybe you want to exercise more or relax more. You want to save more money. You want to think more positively. Anything you can think of.

Whatever you want to accomplish you can do. Make it manageable. Remember, drop by drop fills the tub. It is bette to have small wins often than big loses.

It is better to encourage yourself bit by bit than condemning yourself repeatedly for not following through. You can do this for yourself and you can help others to do it for you as well. Win big overall by gathering little wins along the way.

If you are always succeeding you won’t be blaming and criticizing yourself. When you drop that, when you let it go, and you love and enjoy yourself life becomes so much better. You are so much more free to be, do and have anything you want in life.

Next blog I’ll discuss how you might handle it, what you can do, when others let you down.

How To Easily Make And Keep Positive Changes

Learn to keep your promise to yourself. The key to learning and changing and making the changes you want to make and keeping them is this: Do the right things, consistently, long enough. Put into practice your positive practices. DO them! Repeat them correctly, consistently over time and you will make them new reliable habits.

Stop blaming yourself. Stop finding fault. Release yourself. Acknowledge, praise and encourage. The more you do the more you will be able to do. The more often you become aware of opportunity the more opportunities you will discover. Accept mistakes. Be responsible and accountable, correct and move forward.

Don’t bite off more than you can chew. Make it manageable and you can do anything. The tallest building in your neighborhood was built one brick or board at a time. Each day construction workers did a little bit more until one day the building was completed. YOU can do this too!

Be delighted. Make your tasks and your promises ones you can succeed at. Then you will never fail! As you do this you will discover so much more that adds delight and enjoyment to your daily experience. It feels good to be winning. Celebrate and enjoy it! ” Rex Sikes

NEWS     NEWS     NEWS     NEWS     NEWS     NEWS     NEWS  

*Horizons photo used with permission of Phil Koch.

HEADS UP!!!  Soon Daily Inspiration And Gratitude will have a new home.  A new URL, a new look and feel. All this content and new content will be delivered there. Some of you get this blog emailed to you,

I don’t know whether that will continue or not. I do know you will be able to subscribe to the blog and my new newsletter. I hope you will stay with us. I’d hate to lose you or have you miss any blog you want to receive. So will you stay with me?  I sure want you to. I’ll let you know when the change is taking place.

Have a wonderful!

Enjoy what is glorious about you today!

Subscribe and Follow Daily Inspiration and Gratitude!  Visit often. Feel free to comment. If you think others would benefit please share this blog with others.