Category Archives: Overcoming Difficulty

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Maybe Therapy Sucks But You Shouldn’t!

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you atract what you focus on

“Alright, you may be offended by the previous blog. Some people may be others won’t be. That is ok. Everyone is entitled to respond however they respond. However you respond says more about you and what are your concerns are than is about my blog.

If you have read my blogs or followed my discussions for years you know I make the case that two people can go and watch the same movie side by side. When they exit one loved it the other hated it. Neither opinion has anything to do with the actual movie. This, of course, you already realize.

Who Is In Charge Of Your Brain

Their response to the movie has everything to do with their mindset, their expectations, their values, their experience of and during the movie. It is a comment about what they like or don’t like and has nothing to do with the movie at all.

It only seems to have something to do with the movie. After all is said and done it is their opinions. Professional movie critics simply provide their opinions and nothing else. You may see the movie and agree or wholly disagree with them. The movie is the movie – whether you like it or not IS YOUR REACTION or YOUR RESPONSE to the movie.

This applies to everything else in life. Life happens and we react to it or we respond to it. The key to success IS learning to respond rather than react. Be in charge of your thoughts. Run your brain don’t let it run you!

I have no monopoly on “truth’. I do not profess to. My opinion is not able to encompass every example and counter example in the world so I don’t try to. Still, you have to be above the yard stick in order to see both ends. What does that mean, Rex? It means, you have to have enough distance from the topic to see both ends or all sides.

Remember, every coin has more than one face. A diamond is multi faceted. No article or speech or book can encompass everything about the subject. So while trying to be fair I don’t try to encompass everything. That would be futile. I assume my readers are smart enough to know this. And you are.

Many Roads Lead To Rome Travel Well

Okay, it may have upset some of you (YOU)  that I said therapy sucks. My article, the point, the premise, theme, the thesis, remains exactly the same if you remove any and all reference to therapy from it. Forget therapy altogether. Take it completely out and read the article. Same with this article. In case, this fine point has eluded you.

The article is about you! The article is about me! The article is about the locus of control. It  had far less to do with therapy than with getting you to think about where you attribute the source of your suffering and the source of your resourcefulness. It is about whether or not you are ‘at cause’ or ‘at effect’.

Frankly, it only had to do with therapy to the extent that some practice that form too. Most people do it already in their everyday lives. Most people haven’t been in therapy. TAKE everything I said about therapy out and the article is the same article.

In my life it is me. It is Rex. ‘I’ am responsible. No one and nothing else  in my life but me. I am 100% responsible for my thoughts, my suffering and my bliss. I am the creator in and of my life circumstances. I am responsible for where I lay blame for problems.

You Alone Are 100% Responsible For Enjoying Your Journey

Either I put it on me or I put it onto others or on circumstances. I say the blame, I mean the buck. The buck lands squarely on my shoulders and my shoulders alone. NO ONE and NO THING else! I am 100% the creator of my life and responsible for my thoughts, feelings, behaviors and results. The buck stops with me.

EVEN if this is not completely an accurate representation of reality. Maybe there is an outer world that influences. I am not asserting that I am god if I say I create all of my experience so please don’t go there. I am saying a useful platform to work from is to adopt the notion that everything is up to me EVEN if it actually isn’t.

Consider Victor Frankl. Think about being imprisoned. Someone may take my liberty away. I may not be able to control that BUT I can control my response to a very disagreeable situation.

I can make it the best situation possible given the circumstances. I may be able to celebrate and remain totally free in mind and experience freedom even when incarcerated. This is what control means. This is what focus means. It means make the best of everything because you are in charge. When life gives you lemons…

It can either suck terribly or it can be incredible. YOU, ME our thoughts about it, our response to it, determines how we go through it. NOTHING ELSE DOES! Frankl wrote about this in ‘Man’s Search For Meaning’ if you have not read it you may want to.

Make The Most Of Your Circumstances

So when I say I blame myself I don’t mean I blame.  I mean I am willing to take responsibility for my thoughts, feelings, responses, actions and behaviors. I take responsibility for the results I get.

Millionaires are made during bad economies. While some are whining and blaming the banks, their jobs, the government, and others for a tough time some people are happily making money. It isn’t the outer circumstances it is what you think about the outer circumstances that makes the difference! From within so without!

It isn’t about blaming and criticizing oneself rather it is about learning who is in charge and doing whatever it takes to be in charge. Instead of blaming oneself for shortcomings celebrate the awareness! When you notice the heat, the hurt, the suffering, the fear or anger celebrate the awareness.

Then shift your attention so that you productively use your awareness to evolve. For god sakes don’t get mired down in self criticism. That leads no where fast. Celebrate! Give yourself praise and encouragement for noticing what wasn’t working and put your attention on what works. Focus on what you CAN DO instead of whining about what you can’t do.

The bottom line. If you think my post is crap and I am wrong that is absolutely fine with me. IF you prefer to focus on what doesn’t work and where you are weak so be it. You think you should work on your weaknesses and improve on those. Go for it.

Your Attitude Determines Your Altitude – Your Belief Determine What You Do – What You Think And Do Determines Your Results

You think you need to uncover the dirt in order to change. OK I get it. I mean this is in no pejorative way. I totally get it. Do whatever you need to do to maintain your status quo. There is room in the world for a variety of approaches and I have no monopoly on truth.

I wrote my article to bring awareness to the issue. I mean no disrespect. You like doing it your way. You like therapy. It is okay to like therapy. There are many approaches I like as well.

When I say the number 1 reason why therapy sucks I mean that IS the number one reason.  I never said all therapy sucks or never go or have therapy. If you read that YOU read that into my post. I didn’t put it there.

I Have Set The Alarm

My words are like an alert signal! I am sounding an alarm. In this day and age I believe rightfully so. There are abuses out there. Just as there are great therapists out there. Consider this; you may argue not all therapy is bad and I should not have said ‘therapy sucks’.

What if we change the premise to ‘all therapy is good’. Is that equally true or are their exceptions, as well? Might you find times and places and practices that are not good? Are there abuses in the field? See nothing is all one way or the other. There is nuance. Am I obliged to find all the ways that therapy wasn’t good then? I think not.

If you want therapy that is fine. Hopefully, having been alerted,  you look for a compassionate good therapist instead of accepting any old therapist. You seek the best approach and the most qualified worker.

BUT AGAIN none of this post or the previous post IS actually about therapy at all. It may still be difficult to understand this! I repeat, it is about where you put the responsibility and the practices and habits you have in life. It is about what you do most frequently during your daily life at work, at play, at home.

If you examine and search for reasons you are broken you will find them. If you look for ways to blame your family, friends, co-workers, yourself or the world you will find them. If you search for talents and abilities you excel at you will find those. If you look for ways to uplift and celebrate others and the world you will find them as well.

Whatever you focus on expands. You become what you think about. What you think about you bring about.

Some concepts are hard to give up. Some concepts are difficult to accept. Some things take time too. Its okay! I get it. Take all the time you need. But know this because it is important.

What You Believe Determines Your Reality

Perception is everything and it truly is. If you think you need to sift through all the troubles from the past in order to come out clean, so be it. Then you have to do that in order to fulfill what you believe; you will do whatever you must to remain internally consistent.

Go do it. But use this as a rule. You become what you think about most of the time. So stay focused on the positive, stay focused on what you want, keep focused on your strengths at least 80% of your time. Use 80/20 as a guide. Actually, I’d prefer 99 to 1% but okay 80 to 20. Most of us live this way anyway.

We can’t be 100% positive (unless we actually can be – that may just be a limiting belief) so any percentage points higher after 50/50 positive/negative is a step in the right direction. 51% positive is moving in the right direction. Keep on moving in the right direction!

Because what you focus on expands, because what you think about you become keep your mind on all the most marvelous aspects of you most of the time. Think the best thoughts. Affirm your positivity. Live in gratitude. Maintain a champion mindset. Live, lough, laugh!

The other 20% of the time, if you feel you want to or must, go ahead and develop your weaknesses. Go ahead and sift through the less than glorious stuff. You can have your cake and eat it too in this regard. You can develop weaknesses there is nothing WRONG in doing that.

Spend 80% Of Your Time Thinking And Feeling Good

Whether or not you resolve past issues during the 20% or whether you skyrocket ahead during the 80% time you focus on the glorious doesn’t matter. You will move forward at whatever the rate and for whatever the reasons because you are devoted to improving.

You may not move as quickly the closer you are to 50/50 because that is how you remain stuck in ok. The more you UP the percentage MORE of the time the MORE likely you are to experience positive changes quicker and more easily. This is because what you spend your time  doing most determines what you get back.

Don’t be upset if you are a fan of therapy. No reason to bristle because I said focusing on shortcomings and negativity is not the best approach for making positive changes.

There is no reason to feel bad unless you insist on feeling bad. There is NO reason to feel bad because of what I write. It isn’t worth upsetting yourself over. The goal is to discover what you can do to live more successfully. Take your control back don’t give me any.

Your mission, should you accept it, is to be the very best you that you can be. Ultimately, when you are happy as you want to be, it won’t matter how you got there so much. As long as how you got there was wonderful for you and the others in your life. Include others in the fun too! I prefer to enjoy the journey along the way.

Make The Major Part Of Your Life The Good Part

Make the major part of your life the good part, the great part, the fun, loving, kind, enjoyable part and you will be surprised at how quickly you can be, do and have everything you want. When most of your hours are filled with love, joy, fun, and delight YOU are already living life in a more meaningful way.

Spend your time in delight, in gratitude and celebration. Appreciate where you came from, all the experiences and people in your life. Everything from the past has brought you to now. Celebrate this!

Appreciate and validate where you are today. Celebrate all. Know that great things are coming in the future and that you will accomplish wonderful things. Good things are now and on he horizon, even if you can not see them yet, good things are coming your way. Let them in!” Rex Sikes

Make up your mind to make your mind marvelous today!

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The Number 1 Reason Therapy Sucks!

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talking about problems greatest addiction

“I might upset a lot of people with this but hang in there. Stay open as your read. You may feel a tendency to shut down and dismiss but keep an open mind. I know it can be difficult to listen (read) all the way through, especially in this day and age but give it a shot. Try it. Hear me out.

Some therapy will keep you in therapy forever because they want you to sift though all your pain, hurt, defeat, heartbreak, anger, sadness, every grievance you may have had because they believe buried deep within you are unresolved hurts and issues. You must bring them to light of day, work on them and over come them. This is very well meaning but not most effective.

This approach will keep you in therapy for a longer time. It is a ruse, a dirty trick played on you. The goal of therapy should be healing and to get out of therapy. This business model works against you since you are charged by the session the doctor makes more the less success you have. Your problems line their pockets with cash. This happens when the focus is on managing issues (in any field) instead of the resolution of issues. There may be legitimate reasons too. Not everything is cut from the same cloth.

The same applies to self help products and seminars when, after you purchase their product they continue to upsell you on why the original product didn’t work in the first place. While it can be true in therapy or with products and seminars some troubleshooting may be required none of it should make you feel inadequate about your abilities to change. You should be focused on what you can positively and proactively do to be able to live the life you want to live.

Therapy Should Search To Find Your Strong Points 

The goal should be to find solutions, resources, talents, abilities,all your strong points and to get you out of therapy. The focus in much therapy, as practiced, IS IN EXACTLY THE WRONG PLACE.  It keeps you locked into seeing a therapist.

Let me say there are scores of well intending, compassionate understanding people who value this therapeutic approach and I realize I am stepping down hard on their toes. There are many who practice and receive therapy who believe in it. Benefit can be found anywhere if you look for it.

I have the utmost respect for all these people and do not intend to cause any discomfort – other than the mental kind that comes with entertaining an opposing idea. This is a call to examine and to be open and to improve the work that good people want to accomplish. It is meant to build in a particular direction not to tear down.

I hope you understand. That said, let’s move on!

Therapy Is Supposed To Be A Healing

It is supposed to be about Healing! Einstein said, ‘We can not solve our problems with the same level of thinking that created them.’

You don’t heal the wound by continuing to pick at it. You treat it and let nature heal while you move on with your life. Digging into the wound, other than to immediately clean it out and identify what needs to be done, does not help it.

Understanding one’s problems and listing reasons for being stuck may placate for awhile but it does not necessarily resolve them. This approach causes us to continue to live with issues. We explore and find the reasons we are as we are.

We determine who or what we blame for our problems. We make excuses as to why we haven’t yet moved. Instead we should take responsibility for the problem, get over it and move ahead.

Energy Flows Where Your Attention  Goes

This concept has roots in most of the major religions. Napoleon Hill and the early thought leaders of the 20th century addressed this issue well. It is popularized in Law Of Attraction (LOA) literature.

Simply put: What you focus on expands. Whatever it is, good or bad, wanted or unwanted enlarges when you pay attention to it.  It expands when we put our attention on it. This is about where and how we place our attention!  Whatever you resist, persists! What you fight fights back.

Earl Nightengale stated it. So had Buddha, and Gandhi when they said,  ‘You become what you think about.’ This is another way of saying energy flows where your attention goes. What you think about you bring about. What you hold in your head you will hold in your hand.

It is the principle of Karma. It is cyclical. You get back what you put out there. Whatever you plant you will later reap. What you attempt to fix you focus on so you get more of the problem.

The problem for people attempting to resolve their problem this way is that focusing on the problem IS THE PROBLEM!

Birds Of A Feather Flock Together

The Law Of Attraction states like attracts like. Whatever it is! Good or bad! Positive attracts positive and negative attracts negative. SO if you are stuck and you focus on why you are stuck you get more stuck. It is simple really. What you think about you bring about.

No one tells you this because we have become so entrenched in thinking this is the way it is. We have been lead by an industry into thinking that digging a hole will get us closer to the other side. It won’t! We just end up with more and more dirt.

If you focus on what you do not want you put energy into what you do not want. How do you suppose you will get what you want while you are totally focused on what you don’t want? YOU WON’T!

No one tells you this because you are their paycheck. Even if they are well intending and it isn’t about the money this philosophy will keep you stuck for a long time. This form of therapy is not the answer. Caring people can nurture and promote a problem unintentionally. They don’t mean to but they don’t know any other way.

Withdraw The Energy From The Problem

The way of change is to withdraw the energy from the problem source. Let it go. Drop it. Then direct the mind to what you want instead. Focus on what you want and it expands. If you stop feeding plants or weeds they will wither and die. STOP FEEDING YOUR PROBLEMS!!!

The reason why a lot of change work doesn’t work and why people stay stuck IS because the solution to the problem does not exist at the same level the problem was created. We have to shift, step aside, go around, move over to the positive instead of focusing on the negative.

Stop It, Drop It, Let Go And Re-Direct Your Attention To Solutions

If you want your life to change you have to change things in your life. You can’t continue to do the same things over and over again and hope for a different positive result. It won’t happen. We are our habits and if we are habitually focused on what is wrong we are not ever going to get to what is right until we change those habits.

Focus On Your Strengths; Focus On What Is Right

You don’t get stronger focusing on your weaknesses. You don’t get better developing your weaknesses. You might get to mediocre by working on what you are least good at. You become the best by focusing on and developing what you are good at.

When you focus on your strengths, what you are best at, you have an opportunity to take them to a championship level. You maximize your strengths. You accentuate your abilities. Remember, whatever you focus on expands!

Instead of looking for why and where you are broken search for why and where you are good. Look for why and where you are healthy! Look for why and where you work perfectly well. Look for your resources. Look for you positive characteristics and attributes and emphasize those.

Develop Your Skills And Abilities

Get better at these. Develop you positive thoughts and feelings and you get more of them. What you focus on expands. You become what you think about! You will feel more positive about yourself. Your confidence and your competence will grow. You’ll begin to feel better and enjoy more well-being.

Stop focusing on how you aren’t enough and begin focusing on how you are more than enough. Focus on the light and life radiating within you. Stop getting in your own way by looking for dirt and begin to look for gold. It is there within, perhaps hidden, but you will find it as you look for it.

Develop your positive thoughts and feelings, attributes and characteristics. Develop the skills and abilities you are already good at. Your confidence and well being and wonderful thoughts about yourself will grow too and soon you will discover other positive truths about you. You’ll discover glorious feelings! You will rock your world.

Praise Yourself, Celebrate and Become Filled With Gratitude

Stop blaming and criticizing yourself. Be grateful for everything you have and don’t have. Be thankful for all of your experiences good and bad, for all the wonderful and all the horrible people in your life. Celebrate, be grateful, be free.

Take responsibility for it all! Don’t be a wimp don’t make excuses just accept responsibility for it all. 100% This puts you in charge. When you take control everything changes for the positive. You begin to determine the outcomes. You decide to live as a victor, a champion, and not a victim.

If you want your life to change you must change things in your life. Change your thoughts. Stop blaming yourself, others and the world! Accept total responsibility for everything. Even if you disagree with this premise it allows you to be in charge and at cause rather that at the effect of others and circumstances.

Choose! Would you rather live from a place of compassionate, benevolent power or would you prefer to be a slave and a victim to problems? Would you rather live strong or weak? It is completely up to you and ONLY you.

Stop looking for what is wrong and for what doesn’t work and begin to look for what is right. Develop these things! As you do you will stop being weak and you will start being strong. That happens when you come into your own power. You will celebrate yourself! You will also find reasons to celebrate others.

You will be nicer, friendlier, more loving and develop better relationships when you embrace your strengths. It is a natural part of your development when you focus on the positive rather than the negative. You become kinder. You become more accepting. You learn change is easier than you originally thought!

Transform Yourself And Your Entire Life Transforms

You develop a strong sense of helpfulness and co-operation while at the same time you learn to establish boundaries. You say yes to more of what you want and no to what you don’t want. You stop wasting your time and enjoy life more.  You end victimhood and you stop being a doormat when you take charge of your life.

It is amazingly powerful! This is life transforming! You learn to shift awareness from problems to solutions. You’ll move away from the unwanted toward the wanted; away from the negative to the positive. You will develop new positive habits for staying focused in positive ways on what works, what is helpful, what you want and enjoy!

Stop! Don’t be one of these people who spend years trying to figure out what is wrong. They would be better served if they focused on developing strengths instead of discovering their weaknesses

Keep in mind the American Psychiatric (and Psychological) Associations philosophies of practices focus on the diagnosis and treatment of problems. Keep in mind psychology, just like medicine, is a practice. It is about diagnosis and repair. These practitioners are not gods, they are only expressing opinions based on their training biases and really nothing more. Actually, that is true about anyone.

If all you have is a hammer you treat everything as a nail. If the focus is on problems you’ll find problems everywhere. This mindset applies to you and me first and foremost. We must look for solutions if we want to find them.

It is accurate to say that in USA we do not promote health and prevention as much as we practice diagnosis, repair and management when necessary. We have little in the way of preventative medicine in our country but this movement has been growing slowly for decades now. Still, one can see the obvious battle between the corporate powers that be and those helping to bring about change.

Concetrate On Health And Well-Being For Yourself

Even though we don’t promote wellness as much people can find benefit anywhere and everywhere. Nothing is written in stone. We can all change regardless of what approach we take. Be positive! Be optimistic. Expect to find solutions and you can.

Perception is everything as are our expectations. People tend to rise to what is expected of them! Look to what is healthy and positive! Look into what is healthy and is positive.

Your goal is to have an incredible, loving, fun-filled, joyous successful life. Perception is everything. Orientation is everything. Framing is everything. Don’t submit to the limitations of philosophies. You deserve better.

See solutions, talents, abilities, resources. See positive potential wanting to be released. There are victors who chose to live as victims because they drank ‘the sugary drink’.  Stop it! Believe in yourself. Believe in the ease at which you can change.

Let me make this point very clear. This blog is not about criticizing the system although there is plenty that could be said. This is not meant to criticize countless numbers of helpful, beneficial practitioners of change. If you are in therapy and it is working for you celebrate and be grateful. That is what it should be doing regardless of the approach. I am all for doing what works!

My emphasis is that people put attention in the wrong place. This should be very clear. Therapy, as practiced by many, sucks because of what people focus on. The emphasis is on the problem. The same is the case for people not in therapy. They put their attention in the wrong place. This post is about where you put your attention and where to put it to get the most benefit! Please don’t miss this point.

Change work should be about healing and solutions. It could be about resources and strengths. WHETHER OR NOT someone is in therapy the point remains the same because this is really NOT about therapy! If you focus on the negative that is what you get more of. Stop focusing so much on problems. If you are going to find a therapist find one who focuses on solutions! They are out there!

I must keep reminding the reader: this point of this post is where WE place OUR attention! You must place your attention where it does the most good! Focus on the positive, your talents, your abilities, your strengths. You will find more of them when you put your attention on these! If you want your life to change you must change things you are thinking, paying attention to, and doing. You have to change some things to change your life. When you focus on developing your strengths your confidence increases as a result.

Expect Change To Be Easy And It Will Be. Perception is Everything

You can live an amazing, wonderful, joy-filled life NO MATTER WHAT. Your past doesn’t equal your future. Whatever you did or however you lived before that was then. Now is the time to make the change. Now is the time to start developing the positive habits that you will use to have the best life ever!

Live victoriously. Claim it! Live as a victor. Live and think and act and feel like a winner. You deserve to. Have a glorious life! Focus on what you want and can do. Focus on enjoying it all. Celebrate and becoming grateful for everything.

Make the changes you want to make. You can be, do and have anything you want. So do it! Be responsible for your life from this moment forward. There are more incredible and delightful moments ahead for you than you can even begin to imagine right now!” Rex Sikes

What a wonderful new day to delight in!

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The Number One Reason Therapy Sucks!

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Acceptance, Affirmations, Attitude, Blessings, Celebration, Directed Questions™, Focus, Gratitude, Happiness, Healthy Choices, Intentional Thinking, Overcoming Difficulty, Personal Development, Positive Thinking, Smiling, Trust, Vibrations

Accidents Happen And Boy When They Do

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19774-it-is-only-in-this-present-moment-that-you-hold-100-of-the_380x280_width

“It turns out the universe wants me to slow down. This morning, I was exiting the house, keys in hand on my way to a meeting, focused on hitting the button on the keys to open the car when I hit an uneven spot in the walkway and was pitched headfirst into my car.

I slammed into the car, my left knee hitting the pavement, my right foot twisting and turning under me as I fell on it. I got up slowly, it was difficult, my knee scraped and bleeding, my right foot sore. My wrists and forehead worse for wear but ok. I laughed, ‘what was that?’

I hobbled around looking for my keys. Took about 10 minutes when I noticed them about 20 feet away in the driveway in front of the car. Onto my meeting I went, sore but okay. I laughed it off at the meeting and had a most wonderful, marvelous meeting of new beginnings in many ways. Many new doors opened right then.

In olden by gone days I would have sworn, complained, wondered what I had done to cause this, or wondered why I had crappy luck. I would have been miserable. I would have poisoned the pot with negative self-talk, criticisms and negative questions.

Today, I could only think, ‘This is a blessing!  Wow, something good is going to come of this. I wonder what it might be. I have no clue. Surprise me.’ It was automatic.

As we were leaving the meeting I took my foot our of my shoe to see if it had swollen and stepped down onto the pavement and that was it. WOW! The pain was unbelievable. Up until then everything was fine, pretty much. I still had errands to run but now I was seriously hobbled and in a lot of pain.

I did them. I limped around doing errands the pain increasing all the while! I drove home. I barely made it into the house and into a recliner. Eventually, I called my daughter and asked if she could take me to urgent care. She came by and she did. What an angel. We got to urgent care about 4 hours after the injury.

At Urgent Care I passed out twice. I don’t recall it but so I am told. I nearly puked. I was hot and sweating. Apparently, I had spent too much time on the injury.

They x-rayed my foot eventually and gave me a diagnosis. The pain grew and grew. They wheeled me from room to room. They were very caring. Finally, they left my daughter and I alone in a room together.

I looked at my daughter and realized I was exhibiting pain in front of her all the while. She was watching Dad suffer. This isn’t a bad thing we all can hurt. Pain is a natural response.

However, recently I have been trying to tell her you can handle tough times, you can get through the pain, it too will pass and here I am passing out from it. I was not the example I hoped I would be. She, of course, already does know everything I am trying to ‘teach’ her. That’s the kind of person she is! Amazing.

I looked at her and focused on her. Inside I thought, ‘it is only pain’. I focused on my daughter, I kept that thought in mind and looked at her and my heart filled with love. Within minutes I knew I could handle the pain. We were smiling. It was wonderful.

During all of this time, from the accident onward, I kept thinking inside, ‘Wow, something good is coming my way, I have no idea what but something incredible is coming’.

I believe it too. I know it is. I began to say it out loud so she would know what I was thinking. ‘There is a blessing in all of this!, Something good will come of this.’ ‘I don’t know what yet, but it is a blessing.’

Speaking it out loud has its own power. It makes it more real too. AND I wasn’t lecturing I was just Dad talking to himself. I was affirming what I knew to be true and she was hearing me and seeing me. Even in crisis any of us can be resourceful. Everything can be a blessing if we only choose to see it that way!

If ever there is a strong, incredibly resilient person it is my daughter. She truly is my teacher as is my son. From the moment they were each born I committed to being the best guide I could be on our journey together.

I promised to love them no matter what. I also knew deep in my soul they would teach me more about parenting than I could ever teach them about growing up. I am the luckiest guy on earth with such incredible children.

Okay, so I know something about pain management and have practiced it for decades. I have taught pain control in workshops and seminars in various locations around the world. People have flow thousands of miles to spend days, weeks and months with me in seminars and live training.

Yet, in the heat of the moment I was caught up in the hurt.

I closed my eyes put my head back and began to think and ask myself, ‘what part of my body feels the very best?’ ‘In how many different ways can I discover myself feeling wonderful?’ ‘What is the best feeling I can find right now?’

‘Where does it feel wonderful? In how many different ways can I discover all the places in my body that feel good?’ I sent my brain on a search by asking questions and it delivered.

I used Directed Questions™ to direct my mind to what were the best feelings I could find. I found them and began feeling those! I began to experience relief. I was beginning to pay attention to what felt good instead of what felt bad. I was looking for what was right instead of what was wrong. I was finding it too.

My mind was attending to what felt the best. It was searching for the ways in which this incident was a blessing right now, in this moment, AND in the future with many good things coming my way. My daughter was here, we were together, she was helping me. This moment IS a perfect moment.

We were blessed in this way right in this moment! The moment was unfolding. It wasn’t just a blessing and an opportunity for the future it was a blessing right now. How lucky we were to be sharing this moment! An accident brought us this realization. How marvelous is that?

I had steered away from the pain back into the positive. You have read this or heard this from me before if you follow my blog or the materials I have shared for decades. I navigated to the more productive. I didn’t resist the pain or try to stop it. I looked for what was better. I dropped the pain and enjoyed feeling wonderful.

Yes, it really hurt but it began to subside. It became manageable. Yes, it was very painful when they manipulated my foot on the x-ray bed, or tried on various braces but as long as I realized ‘it’s only pain’ and allowed myself to be filled with wonder and enjoyed my awesome daughter I could handle it. Hours went by.

I told my daughter that looking at her helped me. I enjoyed and loved her and was feeling relief. Eventually, they found a brace that fit, gave me prescription for an MRI. Surgery may be required. Okay, so now some focus on healing swiftly may be the order of the coming days.

Right now, she is out running errands for us. Picking up food, etc. I am at home with my leg elevated and ice on it. I am fine. Does it hurt, sure but I am at ease with it. I have let go of the hurting and am focused on the miracles in life.

Everything is grand. I decided to share my thoughts while I had time during the day rather than my early morning writing schedule.

Another lesson I learned is: I should pay attention when I walk. Not be caught up in things. I used to practice ‘Zen Walking’, when walking just walk, the basis of Zen – be the activity and nothing more.

If you are going to wash the dish, wash the dish. If you are going to eat, just eat. No distractions, no TV, no phone or reading, just eat. Be one with the moment!

I had much on my mind. Slow down. One thing at a time. It may not need to be a rule but it can certainly be a lesson. I was inattentive walking to the car. Perhaps, I can use this lesson to remember to be more aware and alert when doing any number of things. A reminder to be aware! How marvelous is that?

I certainly remembered I didn’t have to be a victim to the pain. My first thoughts of pain added to what I was feeling. It made it worse. Once, I changed my thinking the pain lessened. I mean it really lessened!

I am not surprised because I teach this stuff. I know it works. I emphasize this because I was caught up in the hurting at first. Once I realized that, during everything that was going, and I utilized what I know works. It did. It worked! It worked quickly and powerfully. I could share other examples from my past but I won’t at this time.

On top of it my daughter is a marvelous nurse. She picked up delicious ‘OH SO GOOD’ authentic East Indian food from a friend who makes great dishes from her native land. We are having a feast. I am sampling while typing. Yes, very marvelous indeed!

I would never have received this delicious Indian dinner today. PLUS, as a result, I learned about a fantastic Indian Restaurant in my neighbor I didn’t know existed!!! Blessings come in all shapes and sizes.

I feel loved, cared for and grateful to have had this experience and to have such an incredible daughter. Thanks my darling! I’m a lucky Daddy!

I will have to slow down and take it easy for awhile. I have crutches and a brace and have been told to see the follow up doctors as soon as possible. Okay, I can do that. Tonight, I will relax, read some inspiring material and chill out feeling grateful.

All in all the events of the day, while not something I would have picked for myself, have been amazing. I have learned much and feel so loved and grateful. Something incredible has already come my way and I know more is on the horizon. Lucky Me!” Rex Sikes

How many blessings will you discover today? I wonder?!

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Do This When Frustrated, Angry or Feeling Bad!

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worry takes away today's peace

“How can you tell if you are focused on what you don’t want or what you do want? It is actually easy. Your have a signaling system that you can use. It alerts you when you are on or off track. You only need to learn how to recognize it to use it. It requires is becoming aware.

Your Feelings Are Your Signal System

If you are frustrated it is a signal you are focused on what you do not want. Negative emotion is the signal you are focused on what you don’t want. When you are feeling good and have positive emotions it is a signal you are focused on what you want.

Negative emotion only means you are thinking about what you do not want. Whatever you are thinking about mostly is what you get more of. You create the conditions of your life experience. You manifest more of the same. What you think about you become.

If you are frustrated, angry, depressed, anxious, worried, fearful, blaming and accusing, whining and complaining you are spending time and energy in a less than glorious place. The feelings that cause you to blame or complain are the signal.

If you catch yourself criticizing and speaking poorly about self, others, events and situations that is a signal. A clue you are focused in less than productive ways on what you do not want.

Once you become aware you are feeling negative, feeling frustrated, and you don’t like feeling that way you can do two things. First, you can get more frustrated, and more angry, you can get more intensely negative to the point where you think and say and commit to yourself,  ‘never again!’ You can ramp it up and get to that ‘this is the last straw’ point. From this point you can make changes you need to.

That is one way of dealing with it. It can and does occur naturally for people. They just get to the point where they know they have to change. That intense emotion is fine as long as it serves to take them to a place where they stop focusing on the negative and begin focusing on the positive.

The negative feelings are the signal you are not focusing on what you want. However, if you don’t change your focus to what you do want you won’t have the relief or get the results you hope for. You must wake up, pay attention to the signal and change what you are doing.

You must switch your attention. THAT IS WHAT your feelings have been trying to get you to do. You feelings are trying to GET YOUR ATTENTION enough for you to notice so you can SWITCH!

Remember, if you always do what you always did you always get what you always got. It is an opportunity to be productively different.

Clarify What You Do Want

Use the powerful negative feelings to figure out what it is you do want. Stop focusing on the negative and start focusing on the positive. Commit to staying focused on the positive. Whenever you feel negative there is an adjustment you should make. That IS the signal you are off course.

You have an internal guidance system. You have an internal GPS. You have a system designed to be self correcting. The unwanted thoughts and feelings inform you that you are off course. Don’t fight them, celebrate when you recognize the signal and make the necessary changes. Less than glorious means time to change!

Some people have spent so many years ignoring or fighting and pushing down and repressing their feelings they have difficulty telling when they are feeling good or  less than glorious. Still, you can learn to pay attention and benefit from this internal guidance bit by bit, Awareness is your key! It may be more subtle but you can do it.

Commit to paying attention. Do a self inventory frequently though out the day by asking ‘how am I feeling’ . Take a moment to evaluate and be honest. It is useful  to color chart your feelings using crayon or markers to indicate the changes during the day.

Notice predominant colors and notice how frequently you actually fluctuate. This is a great learning tool Give it a shot and you may surprise yourself.

You can ask someone  to assist you by pointing out when you are acting in certain ways. Just don’t bite their head off when they help. The goal is to become aware when you are feeling less than glorious so you can change direction.

Second, Make Incremental Change

You change from bad to a little bit better. Step by step. The goal is to feel a bit better. Actually, the goal is to feel the best you can most of the time, but if you are intensely down or angry going from that place to joyous is too big a leap.

Going from angry to frustrated is a smaller step and a worthwhile one. You are learning to lessen the anger and move away from it.

People either get frustrated and then angry or they can get angry and cool off to frustrated. It is like a gate that can move in either direction. A swinging door. So when you are really mad the goal is to cool off and begin to think of what you do want.

If you are down you want to get to a bit better place. A place more okay and begin thinking about what you do want. If you are depressed you may want to get frustrated and angry. At least, from angry you can act.

Because it is intense you create more movement. From there you can more readily change. Regardless, one needs to get to a place where ‘enough is enough’ and then make positive productive change.

What you want makes you feel good when you think about it. If when think about what you want you feel bad you aren’ t thinking about what you do want. You probably are thinking about how you don’t have what you do want.

You won’t feel good if you compare where you are to where you want to be unless you are celebrating closing the gap. If as you inch your way forward you are delighted the entire time then it is fine.

Gratitude Helps Make Everything Better

If you celebrate everything you are on the right track and you will feel better more of the time. How can you feel down and out, frustrated, angry or bored when you are thankful and happy and delighted about everything? You can’t!

Find every little thing you can to enjoy, and appreciate. The more you find the better you will feel.

Once you make gratitude and celebration a daily habit you will be thinking and feeling good most of the time. You will be much closer to making your dreams come true as you live this way. Then your head and heart is clear to find more opportunity and advantages each day. You are better equipped to handle obstacles, and disappointment. You are far more resilient and resourceful!

When you live in gratitude and celebration everything is incredible and getting better at the same time. It is one of the wisest and most powerful choices you can make. Celebrate everything, even the tough stuff! Look for the silver lining and emphasize it. Never waste an opportunity to feel grand!” Rex Sikes

Enjoy today!

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You Screwed Up! How To Get Over It!

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your best teacher your last mistake

“You screwed up! Big or small? It doesn’t matter. We all make mistakes. The big question is what to do when you do make a mistake? How do you keep going?

Okay, this won’t be the first time you heard this. You are human. Humans make mistakes. That is what we do. That is how we learn. From our earliest moment we are screwing up and it is informing us and teaching us.

BUT since we went to school we hate messing up. We hated those red marks on our tests. We were told everything we did wrong. SO we developed an aversion to it. We developed a fear for making mistakes.

We responded out of sorts. We don’t like it. We are afraid of it and feel bad when we screw up.

Stop Focusing On Mistakes

If we focus on what we don’t want we get more of what we don’t want. If we spend time worrying about making mistakes it is more likely we will make them.

If we think ‘don’t screw up’ it is not any different than telling a child ‘don’t spill your mill’. You know what happens when we do that.

Focus On What You Do Well

You have to live fearlessly and expect the best. You need to plan for success and not let mistakes bother you so much. You are so much more than your occasional screw up.

You do more things right than you do wrong. Celebrate that! Embrace this! Accept it! You do plenty of things well and quite well.

How We Learn

As a child you learned to roll over, sit up, crawl and eventually walk by making more movements than were necessary. These movements were way off base. They weren’t at all close to what you need to balance or move forward easily.

When you learned to feed yourself you repeatedly missed your mouth with the spoon getting food all over the place and yourself. You made movements way off base.

You never thought to call them mistakes. They were! They were necessary for you to eventually hone your skills and get the food in your mouth. They were necessary for balance, movement, navigation.

These are called Unwanted Parasitic Movements. Name sounds horrible but you needed to learn how to stop doing them in order to get the spoon to your mouth, for you to sit up, crawl and walk.

They were absolutely required. They were larger than necessary, not even closed to the refined movements you learned to make because of them. It is like coloring outside the lines. You went outside the lines while learning to color inside the lines.

You learned to eliminate all that was unnecessary in order to refine and perform these skills. You got rid of these unwanted parasitic movements to smoothly navigate the spoon to your mouth.

It was all done through repetition. It was all learning. It was all ‘not that way but this way’ when it came to aiming your arm and hand to your mouth.

When you watch an infant sit notice how much it moves as it is learning to sit comfortably still. The infant is learning to balance from all these extraneous movements.

Good thing you couldn’t talk or think about it as you do now, you’d have quit after the first or second try, starved to death and would not be reading this blog.

Accept Mistakes As Part Of Being Human

Mistakes are part of evolving, growing, developing. If you deny making them or get caught up in thinking about them, over thinking about them or worrying about them you will only be miserable.

You will stagnate and prevent yourself from learning valuable lessons. You will make it tougher on yourself. Pat yourself on the back when you make a mistake and say to yourself, ‘You did the best you could. Better luck next time’.

Realize we all make them and they are a part of life. Embrace yourself, forgive yourself. Embrace your mistakes, forgive yourself for making them. It is absolutely ok.

Yes, there may be consequences and you may need to make restitution for your mistakes that should be understood. That is part of the process.

Don’t shirk your responsibility when a mistake affects others. Ask forgiveness do what you can to rectify it. Be positive and proactive. Do not let it ruin you. Make good on it and get over it.

Mistakes Make You More Attractive

People like people more who are able to forgive themselves and admit their mistakes. It actually makes them more attractive. There is the story of a popular television entertainer who was supposed to run up a flight of stairs during his TV special.

He stumbled and fell. The producers said, ‘don’t worry we can edit it out’. He said ‘leave it in’. He understood that it would make him more human and that the audience would feel for and pull for him seeing him falter but continue to go on. And he was right!

Happy people know this inside. They know that making a mistake is actually a learning experience and an opportunity. Since we all make them and it is probable we will continue to make them the best approach seems to be relaxed acceptance.

Don’t get bent out of shape. Keep moving forward. The more you can celebrate mistakes the less the sting. When you are able to embrace and accept, acknowledge, learn and move on your life takes on a much more wonderful quality.

When you give yourself permission to screw up or fail it takes the sting out of it. You will find yourself hurting less and feeling better more frequently. Attitude is important. It makes all the difference in the world. Keep on making mistakes and keep on learning and growing!” Rex Sikes

Have a wonderful day!

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Do This When You Need To Overcome Difficulties: It Works!

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you will see it when you believe it

“Would you like to make things better now and in the future? Would you like to learn how to more easily overcome difficult times and challenges? Wouldn’t it be cool to know in advance which obstacles might arise and how to handle them when they do? Now you can!

This is an old article of mine. I have updated aspects of it and will share those in a future post, but this article is earlier groundwork. It provides the basic method for going after what you want and for trouble shooting challenges and resolving problems that can arise.

Through my recent posts you will learn how to appropriately and powerfully visualize, and manage your positive self talk so that you can readily recognize the powerful creator you already are. Use this process to create success. Use this process BEFORE you need it.

This is a road map you use for success, complete with alternative routes. This process builds in the contingencies you need when the going get rough. It constitutes rehearsal and practice. It is the same mental strategy a successful sports team would utilize.

So you understand. Mind Design™ is my process of learning new abilities. It is my approach to personal and professional change. I conduct workshops and training around the world and have audio products available. It is also the umbrella process or meta method through which I taught other personal development programs.

Enjoy this early article.

‘Why Traditional Visualization Doesn’t Work And How You Can Modify It To Get The Results You Want

by Rex Sikes

Now that you can ask yourself new questions, you also want to get your visualizations in order. I am sure you have heard of visualization. This is where people tell you to visualize your goals, dreams, plans, or how you want things to be. Usually people make still-frame pictures in their head of the goal being accomplished, e.g. depositing money in the bank, or their kids all grown up and successful.

What makes Mind Design™ different from visualization is that we have created three steps in creating visualizations. Without these three steps, visualizations just don’t work well at all and you’ll just be wasting your time.

Three Important Steps For Effective Visualizations

  1. Visualize the accomplished goal or outcome. Example: Salesperson depositing large commission check in the bank.
  2. Make a movie of how you achieved the goal. What steps did you take to achieve your success? Visualize the steps in detail. Visualize yourself doing all the right things to get your outcome, and visualize everything going perfectly. Example: Salesperson making more calls and customers responding by being pleasant and purchasing items.
  3. Build a contingency plan. Visualize yourself taking all the steps toward your goal and visualize everything going wrong and how you overcame the difficulty. Example: Salesperson making more calls and customers do not respond. Visualize what the salesperson did to get customer to respond more favorably.

Besides only making pictures of the goal being attained (Step 1), you make a movie of how you get the goal (Step 2). For example a salesperson wants to make more sales and money. Instead of just visualizing depositing more money in the bank, a Mind Design™ salesperson visualizes the actual steps they took to make more sales.

(2) The salesperson visualizes them doing all the right things and people responding in all the right ways to increase their sales and their money. But the Mind Design™ salesperson also does something which is the most crucial; THE THIRD STEP… This person visualizes a movie of all the possible obstacles and how they got over all of them.

Ordinarily, this third step is what people do to program their mind for failure because they imagine everything going wrong, but not what they did to overcome it. Using this method, you program your mind for how to overcome adversity along the way if you encounter it.

Stop Programming Failure Start Programming Success

When you learn how to run your brain then a world of endless possibility and opportunity becomes available. Unfortunately, for most people, it is left to chance and that is why success is usually a matter of luck.

I want to teach you the science and the art of making your dreams come true. The science because it is actually steps that you can implement, recipes, formulas proven through time to work for you and the art because your creativity with the science will enable you to realize your dreams and design for yourself the kind of life you truly want and deserve.

Your brain can give you everything you want when you give it a clear bright focused image of what you want and how you are planning to go about getting it. If you don’t know what you want your brain can’t give it to you. But when you know what you want, and you send precise, direct and intense signals, your mind has the power to give you what you want.

You can’t reach your goals if you don’t know what they are. Results are inevitable. If your don’t provide your brain with the programming to get your results, your goals you desire someone else will provide the programming. If you don’t have a program for your life someone else is going to make you fit into their plan.’

Well, there you have it! That is the original article. AS I stated, this was early development and I have added and adjusted through the years. It was and is still powerfully effective when you apply it. You begin to get results because it requires that you program your mind for success and to overcome difficulties.

Rehearse And Practice The Correct Elements To Succeed

A sports team practices to maximize their chances of winning. A successful actor rehearses so on opening night it goes according to plan. Never under estimate the value of mental rehearsal and actual rehearsal. Through this visualization process you practice and rehearse success!

That is what practice of ‘act as if’ is all about. You repeatedly engage your mind in making the correct, positive images and self-talk thoughts until you firmly ‘wire it in’. You imagine and act (in your mind) as though you have already accomplished your goal. This is an incredibly powerful practice and skill to develop.

When you ‘act as if’ you discover what you need to do to manifest it. You begin to understand the steps you need to take to get the results you want. By repeating this process over and over you create a habit.

Create The Habits That Get You Success

Once you make your skills a reliable positive habit you put yourself on autopilot for success. You begin to automatically think and act like a winner. You make success happen. You persist and you accomplish! You become unstoppable because you don’t let anything throw you off course.

Determine what you want, specify your goal or dream or target. See your self succeeding, imagine yourself getting there and having what you  want. Be sure to see, imagine and rehearse succeeding, overcoming obstacles and objections when and if things do not go as you hope and want. Build, rehearse and practice your contingency plans prior to actually needing them. Visualize these over and over.

When you use your mind deliberately in positive ways you can conceive, believe and achieve your goals. You can create and accomplish your dreams. If you want a more wonderful future, if you want to get the kind of results you deserve to get, begin today to run your mind. Take charge of what you do on the inside and you will get the kind of things you want on the outside. That IS how it works!” Rex Sikes

What will you do today to put more smiles on your face?

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This Ability Separates The Successful From The Unsuccessful

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invest in yourself

“How do successful business people and entrepreneurs handle stress and disappointment? Do they do things differently than the rest of the people? It turns out they do. What they do makes a critical difference in how they live and work and why they succeed.

Attitude Makes The Difference

Everyone faces challenges so it isn’t the challenges that sets these successful people apart from the rest. It was their ability to take disappointment or setbacks as only temporary. They were not defeated by defeats. They kept going.

Often in business setbacks come one after the other but successful people did not let that dampen their motivation or persistence. They continued onward. They maintained their attitude and expected things to work out for the best.

They were not born this way. These are skills they learned and cultivated. You can learn to be more adaptable and flexible in your approach too. You can be more resourceful in your work and in pursuing your goals and dreams.

You can move forward and not give up when challenges come your way or pile up. How?

Keep Everything In Perspective

It is your attitude that makes the difference. The CEO’s and successful entrepreneurs understood that you have to care but not that much! When dead none of this matters. Work is just another game you play. It is what you do to make money. Keep this in mind.

No one benefits if you work yourself to death or injure your health so that you are unable to enjoy your family and friends. Live first. Enjoy Life! Work hard BUT don’t kill yourself to get ahead.

It isn’t worth it to win the race and lose one’s life. Work or career is is not worth damaging your mental, emotional or physical health.

Enjoy Life Apart From Work

Have fun. Enjoy your family and friends. Enjoy hobbies and activities that have nothing to do with the work you do. Cultivate other interests that you look forward to doing. Find things to be passionate about.

Make time to do things you want to do with the people who are important to you. Walk, exercise, go to the gym.  Get out and have a good time. Take it easy and relax. Prioritize a healthy life over stressful work. You will work better and smarter the healthier and better adjusted you are.

Follow Your Purpose In Life

Hopefully, you are following your purpose in life through your choice of work. If not, look for ways that your work contributes to or helps you fulfill your life mission in other ways. Maybe, it is a means to save enough money to start your own company.

Perhaps, it is a stepping stone to the future whereby you gain valuable experience in needed areas. Find those reasons you are doing what you are doing and that keep you moving forward. Acknowledge and validate your efforts. Understand that whatever you are doing matters. You contribute to yourself and to others.

Keep going. Don’t quit when times get hard. See them through. You attitude and the reasons you are doing what you are doing will assist you in staying the course. You will remain committed for the right reasons. Persevere!

Smile, Giggle, Laugh And Breath

Smiling and laughter keeps us loose and relaxed. We stay healthier and happier and more relaxed when we laugh frequently. A good sense of humor is essential in dealing with life stressors. If you can find a silver lining in dark clouds or humor in adversity you will be on top of your game.

Norman Cousins wrote a book on the healing that laughter can bring. Watch funny movies and video. The internet is a good source for finding short clips to enjoy. Read humorous books and listen to funny audios. Obviously, you can watch comedians doing stand up.

The goal is to smile and laugh more each day. You can begin each day purposefully laughing out loud for at least five minutes while you get ready for work. It can be a form of meditation for you.

The laughing meditation. Just laugh. Even if you have to force yourself and it feels fake at first – do it. It will come more naturally the more you laugh. Laughing helps you to breath differently and breath deeper. It massages your diaphragm and is healthy for you.

Smiling more helps others feel better too. When you work with people and you look friendly and energetic and smiley it helps everyone. If everyone in the workplace did this imagine how enjoyable it could be,

Take deep breathes. Learn to breath correctly from the belly. Taking deep breaths is a stress reliever.  Throughout the day, lean back and deep breath for a minute or two. It is great for the immune system and over all health and well being.

Be Inspired And Stay Inspired

Read inspirational material daily. Entrepreneurs and successful business people surround themselves with posters and mottos. They read inspirational materials daily. They listen to audios that keep them motivated. They understand the importance of of a good, strong, healthy mindset.

Attitude is everything. When you fill your mind consistently with high quality inspiring thoughts you feel better. When you feel better you look better. You naturally smile and laugh more. You are more relaxed. You are better equipped to handle any setback or disappointments that comes your way.

Positive Thinking Is Solution Focused Thinking

Positive thinking is not fantasy thinking. It is realistic thinking. It is the ability to find your resourcefulness and apply it to any situation while expecting the best outcome. You work to find the best solution. You maintain a powerful frame of mind.

Since you are solution oriented you naturally you expect the best outcome whatever that may be. It is not wishful thinking. Positive Thinking is the application of strong thoughts about what you can and will accomplish and how. When you keep your mind inspired and positive you can achieve more.

Meditate, Visualize and Be Grateful

Meditate. The are many different ways to meditate. Close your eyes and listen, simply listen. Do nothing else. Pay attention to or feel your breath. Visualize relaxing in a wonderful place outdoors. Pick your favorite natural spot. Enlist all five senses and enjoy the peace and tranquility this brings.

You can repeat a mantra, a power word or a meaningful phrase to yourself. State an affirmation again and again. Manage your self talk – only say positive things to you. Alternatively, watch your thoughts come and go as an unbiased observer would, without judgement. Watch them drift off like leaves floating downstream.

Discover which form of mediating you prefer most by trying many. Take a minute or five whenever you are able. A good practice is to aside a specific time to mediate each day. You can do so for a few moments or an hour. It is up to you.

Visualize your goals as if you have already accomplished them. Since you made them happen see what you did to bring them about. Notice how you overcame any challenge or disappointment. Especially notice the wonderful feelings of having what you wanted, of making it your own and bask in these feelings. Enjoy these.

Feel grateful. Keep a journal. Visualize what you feel grateful for. Express your appreciation for yourself, others, events, situations and circumstances in your life. Be grateful for what you have done and what you have. Acknowledge others and be appreciative. Express your thanks. Live in celebration and abundance.

Enjoy The Good Feelings

The most important part of feeling gratitude is the feeling. The most important part of visualizing your future and what you want it to be are the feelings that accompany your wants. Emphasize and feel the feelings. Enjoy them. Savor them. Accentuate them and linger with them. The more you feel good and the longer you feel good the better overall.

Develop Successful Habits That Support You

Because the entrepreneurs made these practices habits they were more successful than those who do not. They were better able to keep going, not give up and handle challenges and disappointments when others weren’t. Because they kept a daily regimen for being positive, happy, healthy they work better and enjoy life more.

As you develop and sustain successful habits your life takes on a wonderful new sense of meaning. Everything becomes much easier and more enjoyable. The tough times don’t necessarily go away but you handle them better and get through them quicker because you are much more resourceful.” Rex Sikes

It is your day today! How are you going to spend it?

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Let’s Reconnect Each Other To The Network And Thrive!

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what we project we perceive

“What makes this world a beautiful place? Our thoughts, when right thinking, the world is delightful. When we manage our thoughts and think the very best of ourselves, others and circumstances the world is wonderful. We paint this world as we want it to be by our thoughts and attitudes. If it isn’t what you want then you have to change some things.

Our beliefs determine what we see and what we find. Our experience is shaped first within and then realized without. When we think the best of everything we have the best of everything. When we hold others in our heart and wish them love, peace, blessings, abundance, and when we support through kindness this world is amazing.

Go First: Bless, Heal And Prosper

We can give first even without others knowing we are giving. We can care and make a difference! It begins with out thinking but must become our speech and our actions. Only think, say and do those things that help bless, heal and prosper another person and yourself. Live well by thinking, speaking and doing kindness.

There are people who suffer but somehow manage to find the bright spot in the darkness. They live in the light while facing incredible odds and still find it within themselves to love, care for and encourage others. In spite of great personal difficulty they act and help to encourage and inspire others. We all can do more of this.

What makes this world a beautiful place? People do! Without our awareness this place just is. It is a rock hurtling through space at high speed. People give it color, texture, love and life. People do care and do help and do inspire and this is wonderful!

People rallly and support and nurture each other. In pleasant times and in trying times people reach out and are there for one another.

Love One Another

It is worth it to think the best of all people and to hold everyone in the highest esteem. To love and accept each other as Jesus encouraged us to. I am not favoring Jesus here, many have spoken about this need, but his message was simple. ‘Love one another as I have loved you.”

His examples from the scripture are pretty clear. He gave, he healed, he fed, he nourish, he inspired others.

Those he chastized seemed to be greedy know it alls who had no remorse. According to his story he gave his life for them too. He forgave his captors and killers. If he could do this, how can we not do a little something for one another when in need.

He stated that what you do for the least or the most lowly of all people you do for and to him. That is pretty straightforward. We ought to help each other more. We ought not judge we ought just help without prejudice. We should be open and accepting.

There are plenty of times in each day when a smile, a kind word, a note, a message, a small act of caring may be all that is needed to uplift another person. We can help ease their burden just by being pleasant and nice. Opportunities for kindness abound. Hold a door open for someone. Make pleasant eye contact. Chat with a stranger,

Of course, we should do this with family, friends and co-workers. Frankly, we should do it with and for everyone!

Smile More, Be Kind, Uplift, Be Friendly In Thought, Word, Deed

Recognize and validate the people you pass by everyday without giving a thought to. The person who annoys you;  the person begging at the corner; the disenfranchized citizens, the homeless, the needy, the hospitalized. Acknowledge them as you go about your day! Notice and greet them.

We can care. Recognize them. Smile, say hello. Wish them well. Act like they do more than just exist. They are people after all. They may be cut off from family, friends and society. They may need hopsitalization, or a meal or a bed.

They are human and they do have needs. Some just don’t have the money or station in life you and others do. So what!? Treat all people with care and kindness!

If you can’t do anything YOU can always wish them well. You can think highly of them and for them. You can say a little prayer or shower that  person with positive thoughts, feelings of peace, love, joy and positve warm loving energy. Attitude is everything too!

The World Is Filled With People Posing As Strangers

Take moments throughout the day to validate the people who walk the earth around you. They get on elevators with you, walk the streets, pass you by in hallways, the world is filled with people posing as strangers.

We are one species, one family seemingly separated. We have differences and that makes us richer by far than if we were all the same.  Yet, there is THAT aspect of us that is all the same.

We are human! We want and need to be noticed and loved. We need to feel that others know we are here and that we can be heard. We all want to make some form of positive impact and be valuable to another. We want to leave a mark on the world.

There Is Nothing More Sad Than A Lonely Person In The Crowd

That should never be the case. We are all in it together. We are one great human network. Networking shouldn’t only be to get ourselves gain but to get others the help they need.

Some people have fallen out of ‘everyday’ life network and can use some help getting re-connected. Help others connect to resources, theirs and those availble to them. Help each other bless, heal and prosper!

We are ONE organism with different cells. In a healthy body these different cells work together and support each other so the organism can thrive. They are different, they have different functions but the same goal IS to keep the organism alive.

We should do no less when it comes to people. For the species to survive we need to co-operate more. Recognize and validate. Help and heal! We need to listen, actually understand and take actions. We need to manage our thoughts, focus our attention on the positive, and speak and act positively.

What makes the world a beautiful place? When people are there for each other. When they reach out and uplift. There are so many kind, generous wonderful people in the world. Let’s focus on that.

Celebrate what is good! Recognize it! Celerbate it! Appreicate it! Validate it! Let’s make it a point to create more of it. We can if we believe we can! We will! Let’s begin right now!” Rex Sikes

Spend a moment smiling with someone new today!

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Acceptance, Affirmations, Attitude, Beliefs, Blessings, Emotions, Expectations, Faith, Focus, Gratitude, Habit Formation, Happiness, Joy, Overcoming Difficulty, Persistence, Positive Thinking, Responsibility, Self Improvement, Self Talk

How To Get Through Rough, Tough Times

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“What helps get us through difficult times? What are we to do when things don’t go the way we hope? What do we do when it downright sucks and circumstnaces turn for the worse? Is there anything at all that can make it better or easier?

I think the answer to my last question is yes and no. I think there is something that can help us through any difficulty at any time but whether or not we rely on it or are capable of accessing it makes the difference. I think my answer will unfold here as one element or maybe more.

Attitude Makes A Difference

I believe attitude makes a major difference. I believe that sets a framework for how we encounter and navigate difficult times. It is easy to say, of course, and I do not mean to be flippant about this for people who experience difficult times, loss of loved ones, or any problem or issue that is of concern.

Attitude, however, seems to be the ability to paint with a broad brush all things as potentially good or potentially not so good. So what is attitude? It seems to be a larger all encompassing result of our beliefs. It may have to do with our faith. It certainly seems to have  much to do with our focus and what we say to ourselves.

For longer than this blog has been around, for many years, I have been stating and sharing on the power of focus. I did not invent the notion but have co-opted it for my life and have worked to make it work for me. I have managed to instill in me an ability that works much better now than it has at times in the past by dedicating myself to make it a habit.

I speak from my experience and from decades of working with others. I share the experience of others who have led me too. The principle that we become and we get what we focus on has had such great impact on me that I have felt compelled to share and discuss it for a very long time.

Where We Put Our Attention, How We Do It, For How Long We Do It, Makes A Difference

Perhaps, it IS the very difference!

When things become less than glorious or when we discover ourselves off track we need to return our thoughts back to the positive. To return to ‘can do’ thinking. We need to discover a way to feel even just a little better. The turning back to center or turning back to the positive IS the ability to cultivate that makes the difference.

Please go back and read through this blog many times. I have shared prodeures and methods in every article on how to make positive changes for yourself and direct your attention. Put these to work and you will begin notice the marvelous changes you can make for yourself!

We practice returning to center in all cases, in all types of circumstances and all types of weather. We practice it when times are good and we don’t need it and when times are less than glorious. We practice it so that when it does storm we get what we have practiced.

Build A Skill. Lay A Strong Foundation For Positive Change

I have been discussing laying a foundation, a solid one, that holds everything together when the winds get rough. When the storms come the house still stands. The foundation you build is as strong as the materials you use to build it and how well you put it together. I think this is true too of our attitude and positive capabilities.

I think faith plays a part. I don’t mean religous faith or faith outside of oneself, although that can too. I mean our belief in ourself and our abilities. I mean the expectatons we hold in mind when we practice our focus. Do we expect to succeed or not? Do we expect it to take a long or short time? Do we really believe or do we doubt instead?

The story is told of the person who says,’I am told I can move mountains if I have the faith of a mustard seed.’ So she prays for the mountain to move and when she opens her eyes and sees it still there she exclaims, ‘I knew it wouldn’t work.’

Faith Means Knowing It Will Work And Trusting For As Long As Necessary Without Wavering Until It Does Work

I think hard times can knock the wind out of anyone. I think it is okay when one takes a blow that one takes time to recover from it. I don’t believe anyone is under ANY obligation to anyone or anything to be other than who and what they actually are at any moment.

We are human which includes the ability to feel a  range of emotions and react to what happens. All of the possibilities are human possibilities.

To be able to get up after having been knocked down is the goal. We should get up and not live the rest of life from the floor. How long that takes for anyone is how long it takes for anyone. I believe we should not criticize ourselves for how we respond when we get knocked down. Nor should we criticize others.

We should allow and accept and understand it may take some time for a person to regroup.

If one has been practicing returning their focus to center that person may or may not respond as one might expect. Anything  is possible. The ability to shift focus and to feel better by shifting that focus bit by bit is an incredible thing to have developed into a habit. It is worthwhile and does help get one through the toughest storms and times of life.

Positive Focus Is A Skill That Can Be Developed

I recommend that people practice it daily as often as possible to acquire the skill. Anyone can learn it. How quickly depends on the amount of time one spends practicing. Just as any other skill is developed this skill is developed.

If you have gotten good at anything; a sport, music, acting, a hobby or craft, art, oration, cooking, sewing, working a computer program, ANYTHING, you can get good at running your brain purposefully.

You can excel at developing a positive attitude and making for yourself an incredible life. You can find an inner strngth and ability you didn’t realize was possible prior to developing powerful habits. You can discover life is awesome no matter what comes your way by chosing what to give your attention to.

Do Not Deny Anything.

You don’t try to fool yourself. If there are problems there are problems. Your choice to focus on solutions and what works, or what is good in your life that you can celebrate, in spite of the problems is not denial. You recognize what is there and you chose where to put your attention.

You don’t want to deny or deceive yourself ever but you can celebrate in the midst of sadness and even devastation.

There are countless examples of happy people who have nothing. There are countless examples of people who have lost everything and everyone and yet they remain positive and hopeful. Of course, these people are not the ones you see on the news. These are people the news doesn’t air. They go about their lives when times are easy or times are hard.

I am not ever attempting to tell people how they must be. I am simply pointing out possibilities that exist that we may not think exist for us. There are possibilites that we don’t even know about yet. There is a way to live that makes life wonderful even during the tough times.

It isn’t about pulling ourselves up by one’s own bootstraps although I don’t have a problem with this when it is appropriate. Sometimes we need to be tougher on ourselves to get things going.

Life is not one static thing. Life is change and upheveals. In order to be alive you have to take the good and the bad. Calamity happens, evolutions happen. Coal is converted to diamonds under great pressure, heat and stress. Anything and everything is possible. We need to discover how we can appreciate it, celebrate it or naviagate it. I think these are some opportunities life offers us.

You Can Feel Blessed Beyond Belief

What you chose to focus on will determine how you feel. It will determine how deeply you feel it and for how long. This is the great lesson: whatever it is, whatever it will be is determined by each of us. It is determined by our attention and our thoughts about what is going on. Our thoughts determine our current feeling state and our reality.

Our thoughts are either positive, nuturing, supportive, uplifting, OR they are not. We are either celebrating and are grateful or we are not. We are either moving forward or we are not. We either have a large positive energy ball or we have a large negative energy ball.

Without judging anyone that is just the way it is. The question each of us face is: what do we want to be able to do more of? What do we want to include in our life?

If we don’t like what we are getting then we must make some changes to get something else. That is just how it is. I don’t mean to preach I mean to share. Life can be incredible no matter what is going on. It is up to each of us to discover that for ourselves.

Sometimes we have to find the thinnest of positive threads and hang on to it in order for us to make it better. Whatever you and I chose is what we do. Again, we shouldn’t judge ourselves or others. We allow, accept and understand. We support and nuture. We encourage positively.

Focus On What You Can Celebrate And Are Grateful For

The goal of course in life is to feel the best we can, to  enjoy life the absolute most, and to be, do and have anything we want. We are creators and we make our lives whatever we want them to be regardless of the outer influences. The one thing we can control is out thoughts and our attitude. If it is important to you, you will.

Live a blessed, wonderful, marvelous life. You deserve it! We all do. I think it is up to each of us to live the best we are able and to help others live the best they are able to as well. We are all in it together and we can make our life and world a beautiful garden to enjoy. It can be whatever we decide it will be. Celebrate and enjoy!” Rex Sikes

Focus your day on fun!

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