Category Archives: Getting Over The Past

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Use This Powerful Way To Keep From Losing It

June 3, 2015 rexsikes Leave a comment

“Wouldn’t it be wonderful to be able to change a moment of difficulty into a less difficult moment? If you could take a stressful situation and de-stress it would you like to be able to do that? There are ways to alter what is happening so that the outcome you get is positive instead of negative.

In this follow up blog post I’ll share with you a method. If you haven’t read the previous blog post go back and read that first. IF YOU HAVEN’T practiced what I shared with you last time spend some time doing that prior to adding in these steps. You want to build a house on a strong foundation so that it stands.

You want to build your abilities the same way. Before, anything else get used to looking for positive past experiences and re-living them. Hopefully, you have started building a library of positive resources. You have also practiced creating the future by imagining that resourceful you in times when you want to be more resourceful.

If you are a regular reader of my blog you know only a day has gone by. Keep in mind there is no rush. Practice the first part until you are facile with it. Then you can add this in. This information you read now can wait while you gain experience in the other first, but you will know the direction we are headed.

As I mentioned in the previous blog, read through this a number of times to familiarize yourself with the process. Once you get the idea of it you can do it while reading through it, or better, as I suggested you can record parts of the process and play them back slowly while you go though it. You will lead yourself through it so be sure to give yourself enough time to do everything thoroughly if you record it.

Build Skills Bit By Bit. Only Move From One Skill On After Getting Good At It

Practice what I share with you in this blog. You can do it easily in the privacy of your own home. In a short while you will notice yourself responding even more productively and positively and your life changing for the better.

Continue to make the positive changes utilizing your Inner Mental Movie Theater. Are you ready and eager to learn more? I’m going to give you some today and then more in subsequent blogs.

Determine How You’d Like To Be And Feel And Behave (Respond) In Difficult Or Less Than Glorious Situations

AT FIRST, pick a mild situation to begin. You can get to the tougher ones later. Start with easier ones while you learn the to go through this process. I mean this! Work your way up from easiest to the toughest in time. Over a period of days or weeks. Get good at the process before trying it on tougher times. Crawl before you walk!

Pick A Mild Situation To Begin With

There are times when you are simply less than glorious. Sometimes you aren’t thinking positively, you’re feeling down or upset, just not optimal.

Choose one to work with. Just one experience at a time. Be specific. Think, ‘I have difficulty when…’ and pick one. It may be in a particular situation, or with a particular person or there is some activity that gives you difficulty.

Find a time and or place where you could use a resource. Said differently, find a time in real life when you could use thinking and behaving more resourcefully.

There are moments in life when things can go any which way but instead of going how we want them to go they end up less than glorious. We loose our cool, we get frustrated or angry, we give in or give up, we cry, we shout, we say things we didn’t mean.

Instead of keeping our cool and being calm or confident we get stressed, harried, fearful or worried.

You most probably have had moments like that in the past. Pick a specific one. Chose a milder one to begin with, remember. Choose an easy one! I mean this! Crawl before you walk! Keep this in mind.

Then go back to my statement above, determine how you’d like to be and feel and behave in this situation instead of how you did in the situation. Consider what would be a more productive, positive way to behave instead of how you used to behave.

Any Resource Is Better Than No Resource

You can pick a specific resource for the situation because you think it would be better. For example, you weren’t confident and you wished you had confidence. That can make it better, yes.

That could be a good resource to have in that situation. Perhaps. A sense of humor might be a good resource to have as well. Perhaps, having the ability to laugh or be silly at that moment would have made it better. Anything is possible. Any resources can transform.

Maybe being patience, or happy or calm or curious would have been better. Curiosity, can be a great resource! The point is there is the resource we THINK would make it better when, in fact, almost any resource would have made it better. This is what is so cool!

It would not have been the difficulty it was and you would have gotten a different outcome if you’d had any number of resources available. Do you get that? There are numerous possibilities! The only limitations we have are the ones we allow. We are really only limited by what we can’t yet consider an asset or opportunity.

Had you moved into ANY other positive state than the less than glorious one you ended up with, it would led to a different outcome. Right? You understand that, don’t you? If not think about it a bit. However the situation played out, any positive resource would have made it different and somewhat better. Maybe completely better!

If it is somewhat better, that is better! So any positive new resource is better than no resource. It is NOT a matter of trying to find the ultimate, perfect resource it is a matter of choosing any resource that will lead you to a more productive outcome and get you more positive results. Do you understand this? Again, if not think about it.

Find A Positive Resource

Be free with your thinking in choosing new opportunities. Don’t be rigid, be relaxed. Open yourself up to infinite possibilities. You are still only going to choose one, or in time, a few, but you have a wide variety to choose from that will make a difference for you. At first, choose ONE to work with.

Learn and practice being more resourceful in a variety of ways. There isn’t a perfect way. There is not only one way. There are a variety of positive possibilities and you can learn and benefit from. Any one of them can lead to more glorious possibilities.

If you want to feel better you want to get feedback on how you can continue to transform your experiences for your benefit. So stay open minded and be willing to playfully explore.

Keep Light And Have Fun With This

Take it slowly and have fun. Be gentle and have fun. Be deliberate and thorough and have fun. Choose mild difficulties at first and have fun. Later move on to more difficult situations and have fun.

When you have learned and practiced and gotten good with the process you move onto larger issues in time. You still have fun because that is what you build into the process. Take it lightly even when dealing with more difficult issues.

There are those times that present us with difficulty. We didn’t behave as we knew we could, or wished we would. We want to take those less than glorious moments and transform them by adding in resources we didn’t utilize or were aware we had at the time.

We want to re-code our memories of the past to be more resourceful so we can choose to use them as resources in the present and future. That is why we spend time building and continuing to build our library of resourcefulness.

A Most Important Benefit Is You Become What You Think About

The reason why I want you to go and find all your positive times and relive those and catalog those and have experience recreating those is for you to have them available as choices whenever you may need to.

If you spend a large portion of your time devoted to finding resources and living them and creating them it makes you more resourceful. Your life will change for the better.

Utilize Any Of These Resources When Times Get Tough

A second benefit is you can utilize any of these resources more readily when times get rough if you have wired them in and made them automatic and available. What you think about you become. When you become more resourceful you can handle future difficult times better. Do you get how this works? It builds on itself.

There are times when everything goes your way. Maybe you feel on top of the world, or extra joyful. These are resources!

You got some news and you feel very happy. There are times when you simply feel fine, but more than fine. Super fine. YOU feel GOOD but not like a superhero. There are times when you feel confident, capable, certain you can do anything. Other times you feel silly or you have a sense of humor.

Still, at other times you feel relaxed, calm, peaceful or at ease. Sometimes you are concentrated and focused, sometimes playful. At times you are focused on your needs at other times you are attentive and helpful to others. All these constitute useful resources.

Re-live It: Feel Now What You Felt Then

Go back inside your mental movie theater and re-live some of these one at a time. Notice what you saw at the time, what you heard and felt that made you feel that way.

Get a sense of it as much as possible ! You can even imagine feeling it at 2, or 3 or even 5 times the intensity. You can ramp it up. Re-live it from your point of view.

Build them one by one by revisiting these memories again and again.

Watch It: Feel How Good It Feels To Be This Way (Selfie)

Imagine the other way too. See yourself in the situation (selfie) looking the way you do when you are resourceful in this fashion. How do you look, how do you use your body and move. What does your voice sound like. You can see that you (in the movie) feels great.

Feel how incredible you would feel to be this way. If everything for your future you was going right, and you were everything you wanted to be, doing what you wanted to be doing and having what you wanted to have. How would you feel? Feel that!

Enjoy these. Do this each day. Build a library of incredible feelings, talents, abilities, and resources. Let’s call them resources states.

Practice each day. Realize that whenever you remember these positive times you can feel the wonderful feelings again and again even stronger if you’d like. Strong or not isn’t the point. The point is taking time to live and feel these resources.

You Can Access or Build Past, Present And Future Resources

In order to change your response in the future you want to have one or more of these resources available when you need it. You are going to use your mental movie theater to imagine when and where and with whom you may need one or more of them.

Pay attention to what and how you behave and feel differently when you add the new resources in. First we will change the past.

Go to your mental movie theater and take up a comfortable seat. Watch this experience on your movie screen in your mind.

You are sitting in a movie theater and the screen is over there. The movie begins and you watch yourself go through the experience over there UP UNTIL the point, but not beyond, when it became a difficult situation.

You Are The Director And Editor Of Your Inner Movies

You chose a mild one because you want to be able to STOP IT from being a difficulty. You want to change the difficult moment so it no longer affects you. You want to be free so you want to stop it easily from being an issue. You are going to work as a movie editor.

Watch yourself over there on your mental movie screen in a situation leading to a less than glorious outcome. One you actually experienced in your real life past. Watch it up to, but not beyond, when it started going awry. STOP IT prior to when you behaved as you DO NOT WANT to. As it approaches slow it down and stop it.

Cut the film right there! Edit! You snip away the less than glorious reactions you had. As an editor you would throw them in a bin on the computer or let them drop on the cutting room floor. Then insert the new resourceful behavior. Paste it in at the precise point.

Paste it in so that from the critical point on you now watch yourself behaving in the situation the way you WANT TO behave. Watch the movie continue. Look at yourself, listen and notice how you feel differently.

Now you run it again from start to finish making sure you behave as you want to until the end. It begins, you watch. Watch the situation begin to turn sour but instead of succumbing to what was used to be YOU NOW think, feel and behave in the new positive way? Watch it again and again over and over. Re-live it and love it!

Notice how you look, what you sound like, what and how you say things to yourself in your head, under your breath or out loud. Notice how you move. Imagine it with as much detail as possible.

Adjust As Necessary

Do you like what you see? Do you like how you feel watching this new you? If it isn’t as good as you’d like it improve it. Add in another resource. Change it in positive direction until it is too your liking. Keep it realistic as you do. Intensify the positive feelings.

Adjust it. You want to behave more positively in the future make your inner mental movie a compelling example of you behaving that way. Tweak it. See how wonderful you look. Notice how you positively interact. Listen to the kind things you say to yourself (or others).

When it is how you like it – spend time reviewing it this way. Notice how it is different and more positive. Then realize that is how it can be in the future.

Whenever you watch your inner movie in this way you want to end it completely before you do it over again. So watch it to the end and then when it finishes shake it off (literally shake yourself a bit) or get up, move around, do a jumping jack. Anything that creates a shift.

Go inside and change a few other mildly difficult times this way. Pick 3, 6, 10 however many you wish. Practice recoding them. Review them with the new behaviors and how do you feel? Are you moving in the direction you want to move in? Is feeling good? Feeling great?

You are building and practicing a skill. If you keep at it you will build the habit of looking for resources whenever you encounter the trigger points in less than glorious situations. This is an incredible skill to have. So you want to practice a lot. Don’t believe me build it for yourself!

There is more to this process and we will add on to it. It gives you another powerful alternative way to accomplish the same end. It is a useful approach for you to learn. Practice and practice. You will be amazed at how easily you can make changes. More Next Time!” Rex Sikes

Have a majestic day!

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How To Keep Yourself From Losing It & Have A Happier Life

June 2, 2015 rexsikes Leave a comment

“Do you have any of those moments when you know you are about to lose it? You may blow your top or crumple in a heap of tears. Are there times when you realize you are worrying unnecessarily but haven’t been able to control it? Perhaps, you are stressed and overwhelmed or you got hooked into an argument and you would rather be free?

If yes, to any of these unwanted feelings, or other ones you may experience from time to time, there IS something you can do to make it different. You can make it better and even prevent it. Wouldn’t you like to know what you can do?

You can learn to be different if you will practice what I share with you in this blog.

You can do it easily in the privacy of your own home. In a short while you will notice yourself responding more productively and positively and your life changing for the better.

Sometimes, the best way to learn new methods is in seminars or workshops, or one on one, with a coach or a guide where you can practice the process in advance of needing it. Working together with someone is real hands on. That is always well worth it. By having a qualified person assist you – you can learn nuances and pay attention to elements you might otherwise miss. A great coach is great to have!

In lieu of getting training you can still make the positive changes on your own inside your Inner Mental Movie Theater. Are you ready and eager to learn how? I’m going to give you some today and then more in subsequent blogs.

Today Is The Beginning Of A Process I Share With You

Once you have all the process you may want to record it so you can follow along. Today, smart phones can come in handy this way. Read through these instructions a couple of times at least. There will be more information to record another day.

Familiarize yourself with the process. Then actually do what is being asked of you. If you only read about it and do not apply it you will not experience the benefit from it. If you don’t attempt it you will never know how powerful it can be. You have to do the work to get the results you want.

First: Determine How You’d Like To Be And Feel And Behave (Respond) In Difficult Or Less Than Glorious Situations

What do you want to be like instead of doing what you do? You might want to be confident, strong, fearless, happy, loving, silly, playful, energetic, caring, calm, relaxed, thoughtful, patient, anything that is positive for you.

There are times in your past when you have felt good this way. You can recall them, remember them in your mind, and remember the feelings. For example, when you felt happy about something. Notice the feelings, where did you feel them the strongest? Aren’t they wonderful? You feel happy!

Enjoy the feelings of when you feel happy! What are you thinking? What are you saying to yourself when you are happy? How do you think about yourself in that moment? Isn’t it wonderful to feel good? How does the world look when you are happy? Maybe a bit brighter? Notice whatever you notice when feeling happy. Linger with it. Savor it. Enjoy feeling happy.

Really take time to relive the happy part of the experience. Notice and enjoy the sights, the sounds, the feelings (even taste or smells if there are any) while feeling this resourcefulness. End it or cut it off while still feeling happy. Don’t let it fizzle out.

You want your primary attention and time spent feeling the good feelings, and letting or making the good feelings intensifying during the memory. If they start to fade or diminsh cut it off, stop it, shake it off (literally shake yourself a bit) and end it. Take a few breaths and do it again. Learn to create poignant positive moments for yourself. Bookended!

It is: Feel happy, It increases, And out!

If you were to imagine a bell curve close to the top of the bell say at 9 or 10 o’clock position would be the entry point. You feel happy. It increases or intensifies upward towards 12. Then it starts down the other side of the bell curve. Do you get it? You come in feeling happy, intensify it and exit,

Stop before it starts the downslide. This is how you teach your brain to give you what you want. You want to feel good and feel it increase. Linger in the good feelings and when the feelings begin to diminish exit. Wash, rinse repeat! Do it again!

Develop The Knack Of Re-living And Creating The Precise Moments You Want More Of

What is so amazing is you can use your mind to travel back to times, and places, and events and with people, or engaged in activities when and where you felt these positive feeling states. You can recall and re-live them all while sitting in your chair!

Just as when you are out somewhere and something triggers or jogs a memory in you and you enjoy revisiting it. You can deliberately do it. You summon it up. You go back and recall.

Think about, recall a time when or remember a specific place you felt happy. Maybe some activity you do makes you happy or a special person? Fox example, pick a specific instance of being with a person who you were happy with? What were you doing that made you feel happy? It could be anything, such as a sport, a conversation, seeing something happen, getting good news, being at a party. How the person looks at, speaks to or touches you. Anything!

People, Places, Activities, Time, or Things

To help you remember you can think of people, places, activities, things, or a time when you felt these feelings. For example, think of some activity that makes you feel good. Consider, what were you doing, who were you with, where were you?

Ask whatever questions you need to in order to recall more details from the positive memory. These questions can help make it more vivid. Ask, who, what, when, where, why and how did any of these make you feel?

Once you make this a habit you won’t have to consciously work so much. It will all come quite naturally. Search through your experiences and find them. Maybe you felt happy on a vacation. That particular place brings back happy memories. Or at home.

Any particular place, a quiet power spot no one knows about but you. Young or old. Memories from the past can be yesterday or go way, way back.

For some the smell of fresh baked bread will take them instantly to another comforting place and time. For others the smell of fresh cut grass does the same. Some people feel patriotic when they see symbols of their country. Music makes us feel many things, relaxed, loved, horny, powerful, heartbroken…

You Can And You Should Go And Find All The Wonderful Positive Memories From Your Past

You can find them. You will as you keep searching. Some are pretty available. This is an important part of self discovery and evolution.It is important to find and focus on the positive in our life more often because we become what we think about. It gives us much more to feel grateful about and celebrate.

What we think about we bring about. Birds of a feather flock together so we find that we get back more and more of what we are thinking about. Think positive!

What you are learning in this, of great importance, is that instead of remembering and reliving past disappointments and being a victim of them, or remembering past positive times with longing we can do something about it.

We don’t have to live with the hurt and the longing we can live positively happily and powerfully. We can fill our mind and being with the positive feelings, and images, and sounds of our positive experiences.

Imagine How Much More Wonderful Life Would Be If You Enjoyed More Positive moments overall.

Now you can. You can go back into your past and begin to unlock all the positive moments there are to relive and enjoy. These moments, these wonderful feelings constitute resources you can begin to use in the present and the future. You can literally transform your experience at any time.

Second: You Don’t Have To Go Back. You Can Imagine Yourself In The Future Behaving As You Want To Behave.

The ideal you! The person who has it all together. Imagine what you would look like and sound like if everything worked out well for you. You think positive, you feel awesome, and life is grand. As you imagine that notice how this makes you feel. Feel it! Enjoy the feelings!

You can pick any one of the states. Confidence, for example. Notice how you look. The look on you face. Your eyes, your smile your confident expression. Notice how you stand, move, walk and use you body to express being confident. See how you gesture while you speak confidently and with authority.

You are confident, you are self assured, certain, powerful and positive. Watch yourself, as if on a movie screen, and notice how you feel as you enjoy yourself behaving this way. Make it absolutely wonderful. Adjust it.

Make it wonderful this is you creating it. Just as an artist paints on a canvas paint a powerful mental image of you being confident (or whichever resource). It’s you mental movie make it exactly what you want it to be. Make it outstanding! After all, this is using your brain, your mind to imagine, so imagine the very best, Spend time enjoying the marvelous feelings.

Make These Inner Mind Movies Spectacular

Make them soothing if you need them to be relaxed. Joyous when happy. I’m sure you get the concept. Spend time living in this future world. Enjoy the future you in these mental movies. Enjoy the past movie memories.

Consider where you want to be like this, when, with whom, doing what? Use the questions to focus on different times and places in your near and distant future when you want to be resourceful like this. Imagine it fully.

Two Ways Of Seeing: Recalling And Creating

There is something else you may or may not be aware of. There are two ways you can create images and you can remember in your mind. You can watch an event with you in it as if you are watching a video, or selfie of yourself. You can see you and others and the location and the circumstances as a video or movie.

The second way of seeing is through your own eyes. It is your point of view (POV). You don’t see yourself but you see what you see as if in real life. For example, in the number one way of seeing you might see yourself sitting inside a new car from the outside the car on the drivers door side. Or you might see yourself through the windshield, or windscreen of the car right there with your hands on the wheel.

In the second way of seeing you are in the car, feeling what it feels to sit in the seat, comfortable or not. Leather or otherwise. You might smell the new car smell. And you would see your hands on the steering wheel and feel yourself griping it. You’d see out the windows, the dashboard and if you look down your lap and legs.

You don’t see the entire you because what you see is what you actually see in the real world when you look out of your eyes. Your Point Of View (POV).

So there are at least these two ways to see, recall and create. You want to recall your memories first however you recall them. You want to live within them and feel and see and hear everything you are able. You want to re-experience the good feelings. Then you want to do the other way.

So whether you first begin with POV or not notice it and after awhile spending time doing it this give the other way some practice time.

Repeated Correct Practice Makes A Perfect Habit

Remember, this is practice. This is how you are going to build a positive new habit. You will enjoy this habit building. You practice daily, whenever you are able, going back and finding positive times from your past and reliving them as fully as possible. Spend dedicated time doing this. Find as many as you are able. ONE at a time.

Build your mental library of resources. Spend dedicated time going into the future and imagining yourself with all the resources you want to have. One at a time. Imagine people, places, events, activities, situations where you want more of these good feelings and resources. It can be any time, not just a difficult time but wonderful times as well.

Imagine yourself living in the future positively and resourcefully. Build a library catalog of positive future resources. Spend dedicated time doing this too. Do it also whenever you can during your day. Practice both of these using both ways of seeing. Do one at a time. POV for while. The come back later and do those over again but see it as a selfie video. Practice that for while.

Eventually, you practice and do both. In doing these exercises you are building so many positive skill sets and will develop so many positive resources and habits it will amaze and delight you.

Stop! Take a breath and relax for a moment and imagine how fantastic life will be in the near, near future as you feel, think and act so much more resourcefully. Imagine how incredible you will feel as you tap into your inner resources more frequently and fill your daily moments in this way.

We Become What We Think About. What Consumes The Mind Controls Us

You now have the opportunity to become more happy, confident, peaceful, secure, loving, patient any way you’d like to be more of. You can feel anyone of these and all of them more frequently in your day to day. Isn’t that wonderful? It really is! The more time you spent recounting, re-feeling, recreating, re-experiencing positive memories and moments the more you get back.

SO keep going back and finding them. Find one, then find another one. Have fun finding out how many positive, resourceful moments you have actually had. Some will be real easy to discover, the ones you always remember, but as you continue to look back you will unlock and remember others you haven’t thought about in a long time.

Project into the future again and again in a variety of ways. Imagine your future, specific times and places and people you want to enjoy more. You want to have more fun, delight, and resourcefulness. Spread all the wonderful good resources and feelings throughout your future.

The byproduct of doing this is that more of you present gets filled with positivity as well. You live better right now too! Imagine, you go back transform your past by looking for the good in it, you feel great right now and start getting results you want and you code you future for all this goodness too. Pretty cool, wouldn’t you say?

Do All These Exercises In The Spirit Of Fun, Exploration, Adventure, And Play

Somethings may happen quickly or slowly it doesn’t matter stay with it playfully. Somethings happen instantly some take longer that is just how it is. Consider doing this as if you are planting a beautiful garden.

You plant the seeds and they take time to grow. Some come up sooner than others but eventually the garden appears. Relax, enjoy, keep practicing and let it happen. The benefits will be there.

Some things are simpler and easier than others just stick with it. Speak gently to yourself through all this as if you were a loving, compassionate coach helping you along. If things are tough they are tough no reason to get discouraged. Have fun, be patience, keep the faith and it will pay off.

My son told me today, that doing the top of the pyramid on a three high (three levels of water skiers on each others shoulders forming a pyramid) is scary. BUT he does it any way. He faces his fear and makes the climb and even while on top it is scary but exhilarating. Keep going, don’t let anything stop you.

There is noting to fear I only use that example because some people get frustrated if everything doesn’t occur over night and quit. You have to face the fact that somethings just take some time.

So if they do be prepared to hang in there. You will discover so much more delight than you can ever imagine if you make this daily ritual, a daily routine and practice.

You can’t even yet begin to appreciate how everything can and will transform when you apply yourself in this way. I’ll share more next time as we continue this exploration.” Rex Sikes

Find enjoyment everywhere you look today!

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Stop Living In Pain! Connect The Dots To Feeling Better

May 30, 2015 rexsikes Leave a comment

“Have you ever played connect the dots? You know, you start at one dot and follow each until an image emerges. Will you do it with your life? Can you look back and see how each event that stands out in your mind and each decision you made has lead to where you are right now?

At each historic event in your life there may have been many pathways to alternate results. Can you see how your decisions at each point have lead you to where you are today? Can you see that? While it may appear there were any number of possible choices and outcomes can you see that given your decision you are right where you are supposed to be?

I do not mean you were predestined nor do I mean someone other than you is dictating the outcomes. What I mean is given the choices you have had in your life can you, or are you willing to see, looking back, how the decisions you made were stepping stones to the present?

I’ll give you an example. I had someone I deeply loved who broke up with me as a young man. I was horribly crushed. I didn’t want a future without her. Had she not broken up with me I would not have the incredible children I have today.

While it may be true I may have had other children and been happy had we stayed together we did not. What I do have are two children I love and adore and could not be happier as a result. Do I mourn the breakup now? Absolutely not.

I had a car accident that kept me laid up for a long time in a part of the country that wasn’t my home. As a result I eventually met the woman who became the mother of my children. Had I not had the terrible car accident I would never have had these children.

Do you see what I mean? Now, in these examples it appears I am only pointing to events outside my control. Things that happened to me. That is part of it. It is what the universe offered. Events happen. Inside of each I made countless decisions that affected my present at that time and the future outcomes.

For example, I stayed after recovery to have the relationship that lead to my children. Had I chosen to return home and not continue the relationship I would not have my kids. I had to give up certain things in one part of the country to have other things in another part of the country.

One of the points I am trying to make is that each dot leads to another and the entire picture emerges but we don’t see it all at one time. We don’t know the eventual outcome. How we view each dot is important. I could abhor my present and look back and see how each dot has lead to now, and how I might have decided otherwise.

No point crying over spilt milk. Yes, you or I may have decided otherwise at anytime but did not. Get over it is the only thing to do. We can not, nor should we, regret the past. If we can’t change it we should find a better use of our thoughts and our time.

We can use those feelings though to decide to change our present and have a better one. We can determine to have a better future too. This is when past exploration is useful if it leads to a set of wiser choices in the now that we can make.

Otherwise, sifting through the crap in our lives, living hurt and disappointment over and over again is a pointless, devastating use of time. A key to having a happy life is knowing how to use your mind to look for and find what you want. Another key is knowing how to spend your time doing what brings you those results.

Look into the past and recognize choice points. Notice how upheaval events, big boulders, are the stepping stone to now, and without them you would not be who you are today. Whether or not you successfully negotiated those, whether or not you appreciate the outcome they are part of your history.

Therefore, they have helped determine who you are today. For goodness sakes be grateful!!!

Without them, perhaps, everything would be different. However, there is NO without them. They are historically in you past. Examine how those events, no matter how horrible, have contributed to you. You have lived on. Days, weeks, maybe years have passed since that time, those times. Appreciate this!

If you are dragging the boulders with you everywhere you go that is a difficult way to travel. You need to put them down and let them go. You need to examine how, no matter how terrible they may have been and how life crushing they were at the time, those very events are disguised blessings. Appreciate this too!

Inside each were, as there always IS, choice points we face. There are always decisions we have to make. In each decision we made, whether the result was better or worse, is the seed of opportunity for betterment. Find the seeds! They are within the dots!

Whatever we did, however we chose, brought us to right now. If you don’t like where you are right now, maybe you can imagine, whether true or not, a greater force trying to get your attention to make better decisions. My guess, it is not coming from outside you but from within you. YOU are trying to get YOUR attention.

Negative feelings are your way of signaling YOU that you need to make a change. They are telling you you are focused on the wrong things. You are focused on what you do not want. The signal value will get as loud as necessary for you to hear it and change things.

Some people, instead of recognizing the signal and changing what they are doing, live with the negative feelings. Imagine, a messenger shows up at your home and instead of taking the message and acting on it you invite the messenger to live with you. Some people tolerate negative feelings and pain instead of making change that benefits them.

They are simply mistaken. The don’t realize the feelings are there to get their attention The feelings are yelling “HELLO! IS this bad enough yet? HELLO, HELLO? okay well then we’ll ramp them up and see if this get’s you to pay attention. HELLO HELLO!”

On and on it goes as a vicious cycle because the human isn’t aware of why those less than glorious feeling are there. They are there so you DECIDE to change your focus. That is all they truly are! Use them don’t continue to be abused by them. Stop and change what you are paying attention to. Stop paying attention to the negative thoughts and feelings!!! Use the feelings only as a guide, as a messenger!

You can’t change the past but you can use the past to change what you are presently doing so that you get better results. Part of this evolutionary self change means reframing the past as necessary. Look at it and assign different meaning to it.

Assign a more useful and productive meaning to it. Notice how each dot follows the other in some way as a road map to now. Find the good in each disappointment and you are doing something incredibly valuable for yourself! You will transform the past when you find the good. The result will be a better present and future!

You don’t have to live in regret and personal woe. At this moment there is a choice what to do with the past. You can keep hurting or you can decide to live happily and victoriously. Even considering these notions is a choice point for you. What will you do?

I hope you will look at each moment meaningfully and positively and find the good that has come from each disappointment. Sadly, many people miss all the positive, incredible, stepping stones in their life because they only see the boulders.

That is narrow, limited vision and no way to live. One only lives that way because they made looking for what is wrong a habit. You can change that! There is plenty of wonderful events and good too that should not be missed. Habits should serve you you should not serve habits.

Silver lining surround every dark cloud but we have to look for it. We need to find the good. Train your mind to find the good, especially if you have never trained it to do so. If you have not deliberately trained your mind to find the good, to see the positive, to celebrate everything, then you won’t. Make it a habit!

Your mind will run on and on doing whatever it learned to do haphazardly and carrying out the programming given it by others. That is not how you want to live and use your mind. Claim it back and train it to find the strength, the confidence, the happiness and joy that are there that you are missing because you don’t know where or how to look. You can do it!

This moment is an opportunity for you to take control, resolve the past, forgive and let go. It is an opportunity to make the present marvelous and move into the future with confidence, power and joy. It is the opportunity for you to create what you want instead of living as you don’t want.

You always have choices whether you know it or not. Only, you have to decide. NO decision, to not make one, is actually a decision to do nothing. Waiting is only waiting. Someday never comes, today is all we have. You and I can live it positively, happily with an attitude of gratitude for everything that came before and what we have now.

When we are grateful for everything, truly grateful, there is immense power within you to create and attract anything and everything you want. You become a magnet for blessings, opportunities and advantages. Celebrate everything!

You live with purpose, deliberately using your thoughts and feelings to have fabulous day no matter what crap the world hurls your way. When you are grateful for everything. When you are grateful for every decision you made, regardless of the outcome, you are beginning to take responsibility for you. When you can take 100% responsibility for you is when the miracles begin happening!

Then nothing is left up to chance, nor to anyone else. You are the captain of your life and the master of your fate and the creator of your circumstances. You become more fully alive and dynamically charged. There are no blames, no excuses only celebration and gratitude and this is an incredible way to live.

You can have it all when you decide to take charge. When take responsibility for all your decisions, your thoughts, feelings and actions you are the master of these and your life becomes magical! It is absolutely wonderful. Yes, crap may happen, but life is wonderful.

Won’t you do this now for yourself? “Rex Sikes

Be good and kind to yourself today!

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The Number 1 Reason Therapy Sucks!

May 23, 2015 rexsikes 5 Comments

“I might upset a lot of people with this but hang in there. Stay open as your read. You may feel a tendency to shut down and dismiss but keep an open mind. I know it can be difficult to listen (read) all the way through, especially in this day and age but give it a shot. Try it. Hear me out.

Some therapy will keep you in therapy forever because they want you to sift though all your pain, hurt, defeat, heartbreak, anger, sadness, every grievance you may have had because they believe buried deep within you are unresolved hurts and issues. You must bring them to light of day, work on them and over come them. This is very well meaning but not most effective.

This approach will keep you in therapy for a longer time. It is a ruse, a dirty trick played on you. The goal of therapy should be healing and to get out of therapy. This business model works against you since you are charged by the session the doctor makes more the less success you have. Your problems line their pockets with cash. This happens when the focus is on managing issues (in any field) instead of the resolution of issues. There may be legitimate reasons too. Not everything is cut from the same cloth.

The same applies to self help products and seminars when, after you purchase their product they continue to upsell you on why the original product didn’t work in the first place. While it can be true in therapy or with products and seminars some troubleshooting may be required none of it should make you feel inadequate about your abilities to change. You should be focused on what you can positively and proactively do to be able to live the life you want to live.

Therapy Should Search To Find Your Strong Points

The goal should be to find solutions, resources, talents, abilities,all your strong points and to get you out of therapy. The focus in much therapy, as practiced, IS IN EXACTLY THE WRONG PLACE. It keeps you locked into seeing a therapist.

Let me say there are scores of well intending, compassionate understanding people who value this therapeutic approach and I realize I am stepping down hard on their toes. There are many who practice and receive therapy who believe in it. Benefit can be found anywhere if you look for it.

I have the utmost respect for all these people and do not intend to cause any discomfort – other than the mental kind that comes with entertaining an opposing idea. This is a call to examine and to be open and to improve the work that good people want to accomplish. It is meant to build in a particular direction not to tear down.

I hope you understand. That said, let’s move on!

Therapy Is Supposed To Be A Healing

It is supposed to be about Healing! Einstein said, ‘We can not solve our problems with the same level of thinking that created them.’

You don’t heal the wound by continuing to pick at it. You treat it and let nature heal while you move on with your life. Digging into the wound, other than to immediately clean it out and identify what needs to be done, does not help it.

Understanding one’s problems and listing reasons for being stuck may placate for awhile but it does not necessarily resolve them. This approach causes us to continue to live with issues. We explore and find the reasons we are as we are.

We determine who or what we blame for our problems. We make excuses as to why we haven’t yet moved. Instead we should take responsibility for the problem, get over it and move ahead.

Energy Flows Where Your Attention Goes

This concept has roots in most of the major religions. Napoleon Hill and the early thought leaders of the 20th century addressed this issue well. It is popularized in Law Of Attraction (LOA) literature.

Simply put: What you focus on expands. Whatever it is, good or bad, wanted or unwanted enlarges when you pay attention to it. It expands when we put our attention on it. This is about where and how we place our attention! Whatever you resist, persists! What you fight fights back.

Earl Nightengale stated it. So had Buddha, and Gandhi when they said, ‘You become what you think about.’ This is another way of saying energy flows where your attention goes. What you think about you bring about. What you hold in your head you will hold in your hand.

It is the principle of Karma. It is cyclical. You get back what you put out there. Whatever you plant you will later reap. What you attempt to fix you focus on so you get more of the problem.

The problem for people attempting to resolve their problem this way is that focusing on the problem IS THE PROBLEM!

Birds Of A Feather Flock Together

The Law Of Attraction states like attracts like. Whatever it is! Good or bad! Positive attracts positive and negative attracts negative. SO if you are stuck and you focus on why you are stuck you get more stuck. It is simple really. What you think about you bring about.

No one tells you this because we have become so entrenched in thinking this is the way it is. We have been lead by an industry into thinking that digging a hole will get us closer to the other side. It won’t! We just end up with more and more dirt.

If you focus on what you do not want you put energy into what you do not want. How do you suppose you will get what you want while you are totally focused on what you don’t want? YOU WON’T!

No one tells you this because you are their paycheck. Even if they are well intending and it isn’t about the money this philosophy will keep you stuck for a long time. This form of therapy is not the answer. Caring people can nurture and promote a problem unintentionally. They don’t mean to but they don’t know any other way.

Withdraw The Energy From The Problem

The way of change is to withdraw the energy from the problem source. Let it go. Drop it. Then direct the mind to what you want instead. Focus on what you want and it expands. If you stop feeding plants or weeds they will wither and die. STOP FEEDING YOUR PROBLEMS!!!

The reason why a lot of change work doesn’t work and why people stay stuck IS because the solution to the problem does not exist at the same level the problem was created. We have to shift, step aside, go around, move over to the positive instead of focusing on the negative.

Stop It, Drop It, Let Go And Re-Direct Your Attention To Solutions

If you want your life to change you have to change things in your life. You can’t continue to do the same things over and over again and hope for a different positive result. It won’t happen. We are our habits and if we are habitually focused on what is wrong we are not ever going to get to what is right until we change those habits.

Focus On Your Strengths; Focus On What Is Right

You don’t get stronger focusing on your weaknesses. You don’t get better developing your weaknesses. You might get to mediocre by working on what you are least good at. You become the best by focusing on and developing what you are good at.

When you focus on your strengths, what you are best at, you have an opportunity to take them to a championship level. You maximize your strengths. You accentuate your abilities. Remember, whatever you focus on expands!

Instead of looking for why and where you are broken search for why and where you are good. Look for why and where you are healthy! Look for why and where you work perfectly well. Look for your resources. Look for you positive characteristics and attributes and emphasize those.

Develop Your Skills And Abilities

Get better at these. Develop you positive thoughts and feelings and you get more of them. What you focus on expands. You become what you think about! You will feel more positive about yourself. Your confidence and your competence will grow. You’ll begin to feel better and enjoy more well-being.

Stop focusing on how you aren’t enough and begin focusing on how you are more than enough. Focus on the light and life radiating within you. Stop getting in your own way by looking for dirt and begin to look for gold. It is there within, perhaps hidden, but you will find it as you look for it.

Develop your positive thoughts and feelings, attributes and characteristics. Develop the skills and abilities you are already good at. Your confidence and well being and wonderful thoughts about yourself will grow too and soon you will discover other positive truths about you. You’ll discover glorious feelings! You will rock your world.

Praise Yourself, Celebrate and Become Filled With Gratitude

Stop blaming and criticizing yourself. Be grateful for everything you have and don’t have. Be thankful for all of your experiences good and bad, for all the wonderful and all the horrible people in your life. Celebrate, be grateful, be free.

Take responsibility for it all! Don’t be a wimp don’t make excuses just accept responsibility for it all. 100% This puts you in charge. When you take control everything changes for the positive. You begin to determine the outcomes. You decide to live as a victor, a champion, and not a victim.

If you want your life to change you must change things in your life. Change your thoughts. Stop blaming yourself, others and the world! Accept total responsibility for everything. Even if you disagree with this premise it allows you to be in charge and at cause rather that at the effect of others and circumstances.

Choose! Would you rather live from a place of compassionate, benevolent power or would you prefer to be a slave and a victim to problems? Would you rather live strong or weak? It is completely up to you and ONLY you.

Stop looking for what is wrong and for what doesn’t work and begin to look for what is right. Develop these things! As you do you will stop being weak and you will start being strong. That happens when you come into your own power. You will celebrate yourself! You will also find reasons to celebrate others.

You will be nicer, friendlier, more loving and develop better relationships when you embrace your strengths. It is a natural part of your development when you focus on the positive rather than the negative. You become kinder. You become more accepting. You learn change is easier than you originally thought!

Transform Yourself And Your Entire Life Transforms

You develop a strong sense of helpfulness and co-operation while at the same time you learn to establish boundaries. You say yes to more of what you want and no to what you don’t want. You stop wasting your time and enjoy life more. You end victimhood and you stop being a doormat when you take charge of your life.

It is amazingly powerful! This is life transforming! You learn to shift awareness from problems to solutions. You’ll move away from the unwanted toward the wanted; away from the negative to the positive. You will develop new positive habits for staying focused in positive ways on what works, what is helpful, what you want and enjoy!

Stop! Don’t be one of these people who spend years trying to figure out what is wrong. They would be better served if they focused on developing strengths instead of discovering their weaknesses

Keep in mind the American Psychiatric (and Psychological) Associations philosophies of practices focus on the diagnosis and treatment of problems. Keep in mind psychology, just like medicine, is a practice. It is about diagnosis and repair. These practitioners are not gods, they are only expressing opinions based on their training biases and really nothing more. Actually, that is true about anyone.

If all you have is a hammer you treat everything as a nail. If the focus is on problems you’ll find problems everywhere. This mindset applies to you and me first and foremost. We must look for solutions if we want to find them.

It is accurate to say that in USA we do not promote health and prevention as much as we practice diagnosis, repair and management when necessary. We have little in the way of preventative medicine in our country but this movement has been growing slowly for decades now. Still, one can see the obvious battle between the corporate powers that be and those helping to bring about change.

Concetrate On Health And Well-Being For Yourself

Even though we don’t promote wellness as much people can find benefit anywhere and everywhere. Nothing is written in stone. We can all change regardless of what approach we take. Be positive! Be optimistic. Expect to find solutions and you can.

Perception is everything as are our expectations. People tend to rise to what is expected of them! Look to what is healthy and positive! Look into what is healthy and is positive.

Your goal is to have an incredible, loving, fun-filled, joyous successful life. Perception is everything. Orientation is everything. Framing is everything. Don’t submit to the limitations of philosophies. You deserve better.

See solutions, talents, abilities, resources. See positive potential wanting to be released. There are victors who chose to live as victims because they drank ‘the sugary drink’. Stop it! Believe in yourself. Believe in the ease at which you can change.

Let me make this point very clear. This blog is not about criticizing the system although there is plenty that could be said. This is not meant to criticize countless numbers of helpful, beneficial practitioners of change. If you are in therapy and it is working for you celebrate and be grateful. That is what it should be doing regardless of the approach. I am all for doing what works!

My emphasis is that people put attention in the wrong place. This should be very clear. Therapy, as practiced by many, sucks because of what people focus on. The emphasis is on the problem. The same is the case for people not in therapy. They put their attention in the wrong place. This post is about where you put your attention and where to put it to get the most benefit! Please don’t miss this point.

Change work should be about healing and solutions. It could be about resources and strengths. WHETHER OR NOT someone is in therapy the point remains the same because this is really NOT about therapy! If you focus on the negative that is what you get more of. Stop focusing so much on problems. If you are going to find a therapist find one who focuses on solutions! They are out there!

I must keep reminding the reader: this point of this post is where WE place OUR attention! You must place your attention where it does the most good! Focus on the positive, your talents, your abilities, your strengths. You will find more of them when you put your attention on these! If you want your life to change you must change things you are thinking, paying attention to, and doing. You have to change some things to change your life. When you focus on developing your strengths your confidence increases as a result.

Expect Change To Be Easy And It Will Be. Perception is Everything

You can live an amazing, wonderful, joy-filled life NO MATTER WHAT. Your past doesn’t equal your future. Whatever you did or however you lived before that was then. Now is the time to make the change. Now is the time to start developing the positive habits that you will use to have the best life ever!

Live victoriously. Claim it! Live as a victor. Live and think and act and feel like a winner. You deserve to. Have a glorious life! Focus on what you want and can do. Focus on enjoying it all. Celebrate and becoming grateful for everything.

Make the changes you want to make. You can be, do and have anything you want. So do it! Be responsible for your life from this moment forward. There are more incredible and delightful moments ahead for you than you can even begin to imagine right now!” Rex Sikes

What a wonderful new day to delight in!

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The Number One Reason Therapy Sucks!

May 23, 2015 rexsikes Leave a comment

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You Screwed Up! How To Get Over It!

May 13, 2015 rexsikes Leave a comment

“You screwed up! Big or small? It doesn’t matter. We all make mistakes. The big question is what to do when you do make a mistake? How do you keep going?

Okay, this won’t be the first time you heard this. You are human. Humans make mistakes. That is what we do. That is how we learn. From our earliest moment we are screwing up and it is informing us and teaching us.

BUT since we went to school we hate messing up. We hated those red marks on our tests. We were told everything we did wrong. SO we developed an aversion to it. We developed a fear for making mistakes.

We responded out of sorts. We don’t like it. We are afraid of it and feel bad when we screw up.

Stop Focusing On Mistakes

If we focus on what we don’t want we get more of what we don’t want. If we spend time worrying about making mistakes it is more likely we will make them.

If we think ‘don’t screw up’ it is not any different than telling a child ‘don’t spill your mill’. You know what happens when we do that.

Focus On What You Do Well

You have to live fearlessly and expect the best. You need to plan for success and not let mistakes bother you so much. You are so much more than your occasional screw up.

You do more things right than you do wrong. Celebrate that! Embrace this! Accept it! You do plenty of things well and quite well.

How We Learn

As a child you learned to roll over, sit up, crawl and eventually walk by making more movements than were necessary. These movements were way off base. They weren’t at all close to what you need to balance or move forward easily.

When you learned to feed yourself you repeatedly missed your mouth with the spoon getting food all over the place and yourself. You made movements way off base.

You never thought to call them mistakes. They were! They were necessary for you to eventually hone your skills and get the food in your mouth. They were necessary for balance, movement, navigation.

These are called Unwanted Parasitic Movements. Name sounds horrible but you needed to learn how to stop doing them in order to get the spoon to your mouth, for you to sit up, crawl and walk.

They were absolutely required. They were larger than necessary, not even closed to the refined movements you learned to make because of them. It is like coloring outside the lines. You went outside the lines while learning to color inside the lines.

You learned to eliminate all that was unnecessary in order to refine and perform these skills. You got rid of these unwanted parasitic movements to smoothly navigate the spoon to your mouth.

It was all done through repetition. It was all learning. It was all ‘not that way but this way’ when it came to aiming your arm and hand to your mouth.

When you watch an infant sit notice how much it moves as it is learning to sit comfortably still. The infant is learning to balance from all these extraneous movements.

Good thing you couldn’t talk or think about it as you do now, you’d have quit after the first or second try, starved to death and would not be reading this blog.

Accept Mistakes As Part Of Being Human

Mistakes are part of evolving, growing, developing. If you deny making them or get caught up in thinking about them, over thinking about them or worrying about them you will only be miserable.

You will stagnate and prevent yourself from learning valuable lessons. You will make it tougher on yourself. Pat yourself on the back when you make a mistake and say to yourself, ‘You did the best you could. Better luck next time’.

Realize we all make them and they are a part of life. Embrace yourself, forgive yourself. Embrace your mistakes, forgive yourself for making them. It is absolutely ok.

Yes, there may be consequences and you may need to make restitution for your mistakes that should be understood. That is part of the process.

Don’t shirk your responsibility when a mistake affects others. Ask forgiveness do what you can to rectify it. Be positive and proactive. Do not let it ruin you. Make good on it and get over it.

Mistakes Make You More Attractive

People like people more who are able to forgive themselves and admit their mistakes. It actually makes them more attractive. There is the story of a popular television entertainer who was supposed to run up a flight of stairs during his TV special.

He stumbled and fell. The producers said, ‘don’t worry we can edit it out’. He said ‘leave it in’. He understood that it would make him more human and that the audience would feel for and pull for him seeing him falter but continue to go on. And he was right!

Happy people know this inside. They know that making a mistake is actually a learning experience and an opportunity. Since we all make them and it is probable we will continue to make them the best approach seems to be relaxed acceptance.

Don’t get bent out of shape. Keep moving forward. The more you can celebrate mistakes the less the sting. When you are able to embrace and accept, acknowledge, learn and move on your life takes on a much more wonderful quality.

When you give yourself permission to screw up or fail it takes the sting out of it. You will find yourself hurting less and feeling better more frequently. Attitude is important. It makes all the difference in the world. Keep on making mistakes and keep on learning and growing!” Rex Sikes

Have a wonderful day!

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You Need To Be The Author Of Your Own Life!

April 2, 2015 rexsikes Leave a comment

“You could be limiting yourself and preventing you from living the life you truly want to live! Are you aware of that? You should find out if what you are doing is not only keeping you from your dreams and goals but keeping you from the good life right now.

What is your story? What are you telling others about who you are and what your day is like? You need to become aware of the story you want versus the story you keep telling.

You must choose carefully the story you want to tell because what you recount to others during your day is keeping you in your current reality. What you re-live in your mind and speech is who you are. If you talk about being stuck you remain stuck.

People spend much of their time regurgitating what has happened. They share all their disappointments and failures. They re-live over and over again the miseries from their past and present and wonder why they can’t get away from them.

I’ve said it before; you won’t get rich focused on being poor. You don’t get positive by thinking negative. You can’t move forward looking backward. You can’t be happy when all you do is complain. You won’t change if you blame others and circumstances for your problems.

You can’t live a rich, awesome, joyful and blessed life if you whine, complain, blame and recount disappointment and failures at the water cooler, over the cubby wall, at bars and restaurants, and dinner with your family. What you tell over and over again to others is what makes up your present reality.

In order to get away from it you need to tell the story that you want to be living. You need to focus on the little things that you are grateful for. It is far more powerful and life changing to find and be thankful for something tiny than to be insincere in your gratitude.

You should discuss blessings, solutions, positive aspects of daily living. You can share how you did get over a problem and what did do that made a difference without spending a lot of time focused on the problem itself. Think about and talk about how your life IS the way you want to be. Discuss what you would be feeling and doing if life were perfect.

Until you tell that story you’re stuck in the old story. You need to change the script you live from and share with others! You are the author of your life! Take charge and write the story, script it, how you want it. Take control. Don’t let it happen to you and then re-tell what happened that you didn’t want. That is being silly and foolish.

A woman came to me for coaching, not too long ago, complaining. She wanted life to be better and could not understand why she wasn’t making the progress she desired. I listen. It was easy to realize her focus was on everything that was wrong.

She felt weak and it was easy to see when she ‘shared everything she just had to get off her chest’ that it sapped her of her power. She literally talked herself into feeling bad by what she chose to talk about. Many of us do this. Many who come for coaching have similar issues. What we think about we bring about.

Gently, I told her she needed to re-write her speech. She had to author a new story. Instead of focusing on what she did not want and what was not right she needed to start talking about all that was right and what she did want. I asked her to be detailed and specific so she could clarify and get it straightened out.

I told her in order for her to have the happy life she wanted she needed to live it in her imagination first and then share all the good thoughts and feelings she had when she spoke. She needed to focus on the good experiences of the day AND not the circumstances that got her down. Living powerfully begins inside us first.

Before you know it she became happier and healthier and wealthier. Her life dramatically improved in a very short period of time. For some it happens quickly for some others it takes a little longer. She changed, because for the first time in a long time, someone told her it didn’t have to be the way she understood it.

She didn’t have to live crap over and over again. She could shift her focus away from troubles and onto blessings. I told her she could be what she wanted to be. I listened, I understood, I saw what was easy to see, and I recommended she take responsibility.

She did and she made the changes with her new mindset. She now practices being positive! She shares positive stories and blessings without sounding like she has stepped out of a greeting card. She has made new habits of choosing how she is feelings by what stories she is living from.

She understood she IS the author of her experience and she can write what she wants to live and be. Presently, she’s well on her way to a glorious new future. She understands that outlook and attitude, how we use words and what we think and share all day long, is what we become.

If you aren’t living the life you want? What do you think about and talk about most of your days. Instead of letting life happen to you and then talking about what you don’t like change where you put your attention. Be the victor not the victim. Don’t re-live wounds.

Focus more on what you want more of and less on what you don’t want. Realize you are the author of your life, take charge and write the life you want to live. Do it today! Don’t wait. Make it a habit.

Do it each day and you will soon be living that life. No one else can do it for you. Put a guard before your thoughts and words and only think and speak that which blesses, heals and prospers. Soon these will be your reality!” Rex SIkes

Make the most of today!

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9 More Easy Ways To Program Yourself For Success!

February 16, 2015 rexsikes Leave a comment

“Today we continue to explore powerful ways you can program yourself for success in life. Here are another 9 that will help you raise your vibrations, your attitude and abilities to move forward and succeed in whatever area you want to. There is no particular order to implement any of these. Although you should first get clear on what you want to be, do and have. Knowing this before you begin is important. You want to know where you are supposed to end up prior to beginning your travels. It is the same with your dreams. Then you can visualize, affirm and take action to make them happen.

All the other steps can be done in any order. Little by little or a lot at once. Sometimes it is easier to work on tough things, get them out of the way and move on to the little things remaining. Other times, you might want to prepare, take care of the little things, have some fun and work your way into the larger issues. Whichever way you choose is up to you. Add these into your life as you wish. When you do you will discover their power and their long term far reaching effects.

1. Sing, draw, create. Sculpt, play music. Write in a journal with pen and paper. Have some positive hobbies or crafts and arts you can do, that you enjoy and that bring you and possibly others delight. Get lost in your own creativity and imagination. Let go, have fun, be as a child. Relax, meditate, do some yoga. Chill, give yourself a positive time out and take a break. Go into your creativity and imagination.

2. Smile, giggle and laugh more each day! Laughing a lot is incredibly energizing and transforming. Let go! Enjoy. A great way to begin the day is to sit in your room somewhere and laugh out loud for at least 5 minutes. More if you have the time. It changes your breathing, you get more oxygen and you use your diaphragm. It makes you feel more alive and puts a smile on your face. Laughter is fabulous medicine. Take a good dose whenever you can!

3. Obstacles,challenges and mistakes provide opportunities and life lessons. Look for both and learn from them. Your RAS will help you to notice what you might otherwise miss. Keep your attention on your dreams as previously described. Concentrate on what you want. Mistakes you make give you feedback so that you can adjust what you are doing. Be flexible. Be adaptable.Reframe them all as an opportunity to develop new skills and awareness. Life may hurl a number of things at you but opportunity favors a prepared mind. Learn from challenges and mistakes! It will enable you to respond more resourcefully now and in the future.

Understand that troubles will always arise. Things you acquire can be taken from you. Who you are, who you evolve to be, can never be stripped from you. It is not what you have or don’t have that is so important it is the kind of person you are. Learn to take on challenges by looking for the solutions. Aim high and you will find the best. Look for the silver lining in each dark cloud. It is who you are, your attitude, your mindset, your resourcefulness that makes all the difference!

4. Enjoy being you and the life you have. De-stress. Live to the fullest. Find the best feelings! Have fun and spend time with loved ones. Make it quality time, Talk and meet loved ones heart to heart. Look into their eyes and enjoy the connection. Hug, smile and laugh together. Snuggle. Visit some nice places, get out and about but make sure dedicate time to one another. Have fun together. Delight!

Listen more and talk less. Find out what is important to the people you care about. Nurture them, help them over a difficulty or with something enjoyable. Give to them more of the excellent you and less of the busy you. Give whenever you can because you get back so much more when you do. They’ll appreciate it and so will you.

5. Let go, forgive and forget grievances. Stop carrying baggage whether it is moments old or decades. Stop letting old wounds and scars dictate your present life and your future. The energy you spent protecting yourself, surviving, and resisting what was could be better spent living joyously and fully. Be free. Be totally free!

The only way is to drop your grudges and hurts. You can’t hang onto something if you dropped it. So drop it! Forgive! Forgiving does more for you than it does for the person you forgive. Letting go is FOR YOU more than for anyone else.

Letting go can be for others if your hurts and baggage are affecting your loved ones and their home life too. It can affect them. Do not to let it interfere with the people you love most. Let go for them. Resolve to make the changes you need to in order to live free for yourself so that they too can live free. Your cares are their cares! Help them over your hurts so they can live free too! Then everyone can enjoy the feeling of that release.

6. Forgive yourself. Let go of regrets about what you should have or should not have done. Learn from your mistakes and don’t repeat them. Mistakes are fine they help teach us as we go along. What happened back then was the you back then ‘the old you’. This is you now. Let go and realize that you don’t have to hang onto the past.

Accept yourself. Accept who you are today. Accept the person who you want to become. Aim at being the best you and move in that direction. Celebrate your forgiveness and acceptance. Celebrate yourself and be grateful for everything you have created in your life. Take 100% responsibility and move forward. It is powerful to recognize your role as creator!

Perhaps, you created alot you didn’t want, that you didn’t intend and didn’t like. That’s okay, everyone has. NOW begin creating what you do want, create you do intend and that you will like. If you were able to bring all that about in your past even when you did not want it you can bring about great things in the future! Imagine if you used your powers for good! Just concentrate now on creating the good life for yourself and others.

7. Love yourself! Appreciate yourself. Celebrate everything. Live in joy, happiness and well being. Nurture your mind, your body, your emotions and your spirit. Choose the best feelings and savor them. Make your moments count. Treat yourself well. Gift yourself in some fashion. Take a bath, a trip, read a book, go to a movie, treat yourself special.

List all your positive qualities and abilities and reflect on these. What makes you incredible? Focus on what you are good at. List your accomplishments. Take positive care of yourself. Think the best and expect the best of yourself. Hold yourself in high esteem.

8. Practice the Golden Rule. Whatever you put out you get back. Think the best and expect the best for and from others. Hold everyone else in the highest esteem. Wish them the best no matter who they are. What you concentrate on you attract. This is a great way to make sure you attract what you want to attract and not what you don’t want.

There is no reason to attract more anger, resentment, hostility, hatred or even indifference to yourself so be sure you aren’t putting this out there. Think, feel, speak and do the best and you get the best in return.Shower others with peace, love and enjoyment. Wish them success and celebrate the good things that happen for them.

9. Birds of a feather come together. Like attracts like. This is true not only about our thoughts and feelings, our wants and circumstances but other people as well. Align with positive high energy creators who are loving, kind, helpful, supportive and fun. Like attracts Like!

Energy and good feelings, ‘vibes’ rub off. The more time you spend with others nurturing each other the better off everyone is. Seek the highest and the best. Seek those who are congruently positive people who walk the talk. We get further faster when we travel with others in the same direction. You can inspire and motivate each other. Surround yourself with positive people.

Notice the reoccurring theme? It is: Choose to think, feel, speak and act the best. Choose the most positive. Spend the bulk of your time learning how to think, feel and act wonderful moment to moment. The more you fill up each day with high quality thoughts, feelings, words, actions and friends the more you will get back many times over. When people start out often they are mostly negative and only a little positive. Your overall goal is to shift that balance so that you are mostly positive.

The higher your thoughts and feelings the better you feel. The better you feel and the more often you feel wonderful the less stress and more well being you create. You activate your immune system to more easily keep you healthy. You think better and recognize opportunity quicker.

With the right attitude you are far more equipped to accomplish your career and life goals. You begin to make your dreams come true because you realize you alone are responsible. AND you know that you can! Your relationships become more wonderful. You begin attracting the right kind of people who can help you AND whom you can help. Overall everything improves! Live a wonderful, integrated, holistic life style in mind, body and spirit you and you will notice the difference it makes.” Rex Sikes

Today is a special day. What will you do that is special today?

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9 Easy Ways To Program Yourself For Success!

February 15, 2015 rexsikes Leave a comment

“Your body is your temple. So is your mind. Your thoughts and feelings affect each other as does your mind and body. It is important for each of us to take care to feel the best and have a resilient, healthy lifestyle. Be healthy in mind, body, emotions and spirit.

HEY I know this is long but it is broken down into small bits and the information is critical information for each of us to have. Take some time and read it now or later but please do read this!

When we raise our vibrations and program our subconscious we become a powerful force in making our dreams come true. We can be, do and have anything we want in our lives, and our careers. We can make positive things happen when we align all of ourself in positive and powerful ways. Here are ways to do this now:

1. Nurture your mind with positive materials, books, articles, music, pictures and audio. Fill your mind with inspiring wonderful thoughts. Spend healthy time (daily nutritious diet) for your mind reading and listening to motivational speakers.

Use affirmations, questions (Directed Questions) and positive self talk to feel great. Take the time and fill your mind positively. Feed it the best food for thought. Your attitude determines your altitude!

2. Monitor your thoughts and feelings. Keep them the highest and most positive. Stop complaining and talking about problems. Put a guard before your mind and lips. Whenever you notice you are thinking, feeling or speaking less than gloriously stop and change it. Determine to only think and talk about or to others in ways that promote blessing, healing and prospering. Stay true to this!

3. Create a Dream Book or Vision Boards. Use computer or cut out pictures of what you want, that represent your goals and dreams. Paste them on a poster, or into a book that you look at each day. Put some on your wall or ceiling. Put a picture of your goal in your purse or wallet, on the visor of your car. See what you want all day long!

Put these in places so that whenever you look around you are reminded of what you are working on. Put pictures together that delight you, make you feel wonderful and that you say ‘YES’ to when you see them. Keep your attention on the positive wonderful things you want to accomplish and have. Believe you can do it, expect it and you will. Know that you will make it happen!

4. Visualize yourself as you want to be. See yourself doing what you want to be doing and having what you want to have. Close your eyes and see your goals and dreams as already completed. This gets your Reticular Activating System (RAS) to recognize and let in to you opportunities and bring relevant information to your awareness.

We program our RAS and our subconscious mind to go after our goals by keeping vivid images and affirmations in our mind day in and day out. This is why we can say, we become what we think about all day long. What we think about we bring about. In your mind act as if you already have what you want. Feel how wonderful it is to complete it and have it. Savor the feelings, enjoy and believe!

Once the RAS is activated It allows in all relevant information that might have otherwise remained background noise. It alerts us to opportunities we might miss. It is the combination of well defined goals and dreams repeatedly visualized and affirmed, ‘as if’ you already have attained them, combined with wonderful feelings that makes this work. Pictures, sounds and feelings are the message!

5. Live in gratitude and be thankful for all you have and whatever you have. Be thankful for who you are, your circumstances and the people in your life. Feeling appreciative is one of the quickest ways to raise your spirits and your vibrations. When you are filled with gratitude your being is different, you radiate and others can tell too.

Being appreciative puts our focus on what we like about ourselves and our lives. As we maintain this focus more of the time each day, overall, each day becomes more enjoyable. If you want your days to be outstanding be thankful in all things moment to moment. Life is a celebration when you can celebrate everything!

Gratitude works wonders! When we feel grateful for already having accomplished our goals it tells the subconscious this is what we want. Again, this is why good feelings are so important in getting us what we want in life.

6. Concentrate on adjusting your feelings to feel the best you are able at any given moment. The better you feel during the day the more you keep informing the subconscious mind how you want to live each day. It can only go after what you provide it to go after. When you realize you aren’t feeling so great change it to feel just a little bit better. This is an important skill.

You want to feel the best feeling most of the time in each day. You want to tip the balance in your favor. When we feel good most of the time life improves and our subconscious works to attract more of it. You do this by making adjustments to feel ‘even just a little bit better’ whenever you notice you are not feeling as good as you could.

You aim for feeling the best whenever you can. Even if it is only a little better than moments before it is a step in a positive direction. When you become aware of feeling less than glorious it is only a signal that you now can change it to something better. When you then adjust how you feel you take control. You stop being a victim. You learn how to eliminate unwanted thoughts and feelings and focus on ones you do want. Another reason this is important follows.

Our images and affirmations need to be attached to powerful positive feelings in order to get what we want. We need to deliver precise instructions. We can’t be sloppy and expect good results. We can’t go back and forth between negative and positive and expect consistent positive results. If we vacillate we get nowhere. We want to be consistent and move in one direction.

When our mind movies and affirmations are attached to wonderfully delightful, enthusiastic and energetic feelings we are telling the subconscious that THIS goal and THESE feelings ARE what we WANT – AND – to DELIVER MORE of each. So we want to spend most of our time feeling the best feelings we are able!

Feelings drive everything. When you feel great you can do more. When you feel down and lethargic you do less. Feelings are what the subconscious responds to. You get back whatever you fear, hate, worry about or what ever you love, enjoy and delight in.

The subconscious doesn’t distinguish between wanted or unwanted or good or bad. The subconscious only knows to deliver on what you image in your mind that is accompanied by powerful feelings. If you are afraid you will get more to fear if you are filled with joy you will get more joy in return. Like attracts like.

If you have been getting a lot of what you don’t want you need to attach powerful positive wonderful feelings to what you do want and stop thinking about what you don’t want. Worry is negative goal setting because you activate the subconscious mind by your feelings of worry and fear. What you think about you bring about.

Your feelings combined with what you are concentrating on, what you hope won’t happen, IS the message you send your unconscious. You see it happening and even though you consciously don’t want it YOUR subconscious doesn’t know this. It responds by bringing you more of the same.

What you think about most during the day is what you get.That is the signals you have been sending it. If you want different results you need to change the messages, the signals, the pictures and feelings you are giving it. Do that now!

Your subconscious is a servant for whatever you are sending to it. It does not know any better it just carries out the commands you give it. It works day and night on whatever you have given it to do.

All your life you have been telling it what to do whether you have realized it or not. The results you have gotten, the circumstances you find yourself in, are a result of your prior conditioning, your habitual message sending to your subconscious. NOW you can change it IF you want to. Awareness is the key to change!

7. Believe it will happen! Have faith. Expect the best! Your desire combined with your passionate feelings and unwavering belief forms an absolutely powerful unstoppable combination. When you know it is happening you feel it! ‘Act As If’ aligns your thoughts, feelings, beliefs, and actions. It is an incredible tool you can utilize.

You come to believe what you constantly hold in your mind (thinking about day in and day out) by consistently picturing it in your mental movie theater and affirming to yourself that you already have this. You make this a habit and the habit makes it so! The more often your engage these processes the quicker you bring about the changes you desire.

Repetition combined with feelings brings it about. This is how the military (and others) prepares troops. Over and over again chanting and imagining with peak feelings gets it into the subconscious and the subconscious delivers what we program it to do.

Just as your computer does what it is programmed your subconscious does what it knows how to do BUT you have to tell it! You instruct it. It carries out the functions and you don’t even have to know how it does what it does to bring things about it. You enjoy the results. Our imagination and our feelings are powerful tools!

8. Treat your body well. Eat the best, healthiest food you can. Eliminate the junk and the sugars and the processed foods that may make you temporarily feel better but that drain your energy and leave you worse off. There are so many chemicals, pesticides and harmful elements in processed and fast food it is best to avoid them. You create better when you feel better. Food is fuel. Use the best!

Eliminate High Fructose Corn Syrup (HFCS), MSG, Aspartame and other chemical additives that can do more harm than good. Eat wholesome good food. If it wasn’t around when your great grandparents were kids don’t eat it or put it on your body. Lotions and products absorb into the skin. The skin is the largest organ so be careful what you put on it. Make positive healthy choices!

9. Walk, dance, skip, jump, exercise and move. Get out and about and enjoy nature. Get some sun on your skin everyday. It is more difficult in winter climates but bundle up and get some fresh air. When the climate is right walk, walk barefoot on the grass, the beach the dirt.

Just 20 minutes of walking (especially in nature) is a best medicine for mood. Walk wherever and whenever you can! Have some fun when you can. Play, run, roll down a hill, spin in circles, become as a child. Give in! Explore and adventure. Go new places.

Rest outside in nature too. Lie down and enjoy a half hour or two just lying on the grass somewhere pleasant. Find a favorite comfortable power spot that you visit to refresh and renew. Bask, Stop, look, listen, smell, feel and maybe even taste where you are at. Fall into the present. Live in the moment! Notice and Celebrate all!

Tomorrow, I’ll share other powerful ways to increase your vibrations and program yourself for total success. For today, decide now that you will begin to implement these, if you have not already, in order to make your life what you hope it can be.

You can change your life once you know what to do. Then you either do it or you don’t. Only you determine whether or not you make your dreams come true. Each of these ways is a means for you to enjoy the most wonderful life and lifestyle imaginable.

Baby steps are better than no steps at all. You don’t have to overhaul everything at once. Do a little each day and soon you will be doing a little more each day. It gets easier. It become more enjoyable. You discover insights along the way. Drop by drop fills the tub.

It becomes fun and begins to have a momentum all on its own. It continues to get easier and more delightful and more fun as you move forward picking up your goals. You worry less and celebrate more! Your life changes for the better and you feel great.

There is no upper limit on what you might make happen. Dream big and make big things happen. One thing is absolutely certain. Nothing will ever change unless you take charge. If you want your life to to be gloriously different you must change what you are doing. It is all up to you! You have some steps you can take, I hope you will.” Rex Sikes

Make today a positive special day!

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How To Easily Stop Your Life From Sucking!

February 8, 2015 rexsikes 2 Comments

“If the outside world sucks the inside one does as well AND vice versa. What most people miss completely is they are already living the thoughts they are thinking about. It need not be this way! Would you like to learn how to change it? You can. Life doesn’t have to suck.

They simply don’t realize that their lives are a reflection of what’s going on in their head. Our present reality is always preceded by the thoughts we think. Thought precedes action. As above so below!

If they have bills and debts and are worried about making payments they ARE living their dreams. Except, these may just be nightmares. It is not the dream they want to be living. It doesn’t have to be this way, it just is, at least temporarily.

It could be any issue. It may be problems with family, health, wealth, well-being. It could be job or career related disappointments. In fact, it could be anything at all that is less than fulfilling. People live sad, lonely, fearful lives instead of living joyfully and victoriously.

These people, it could be you, it certainly was me, think it is hard to make changes. They believe that they will have to do something new and different. They think they will have to overhaul their life in order to change. They believe it may not be worth the effort.

They are wrong! They have been deceived. They have been mislead and have gone astray. Since they are ALREADY creating their present world by their thoughts they don’t have to do anything extra special at all. BUT what they believe will determine what they do. It already does! They think it is too hard to change.

This is where they are completely off base. They have already been using their minds powerfully. They just use them in the wrong direction while not realizing it. They imagine difficulties, they talk about problems and they fear the worst. They don’t expect it to get better but they wish it would. They reinforce their problems.

Worry is negative goal setting. Thinking about what you don’t want, fearing the worst, brings you more of the same. Like attracts like whether it is positive or negative. It doesn’t matter whether it is good or bad birds of a feather still flock together.

We are where our thoughts have brought us. We will be where our thoughts take us. We can not escape the power of our thoughts! These people have ALREADY been affirming EVERYTHING they do not want. These people have been using positive affirmations in reverse. They have been getting what they do not want!

They have used ‘negative suggestions’ against themselves to affirm and create and support the issues they prefer to get rid of. Their present IS precisely due to how they have used their minds! Our present will always be a reflection of what we are thinking inside!

They don’t have to START positive thinking or start using affirmations. Nope, not at all. They just have to CHANGE the DIRECTION of their thinking. They will use the same creative energy aimed it in a different way. They’ll aim it in a powerful, positive productive way.

The ‘Placebo effect’ states that if you believe something is helpful, even if there is nothing about it that works, it IS still helpful much of the time. Our minds are creative. Our beliefs determine what we experience. It is because we believe we help ourselves not because the pill or amulet has any special property.

The ‘Nocebo effect’ states that if you believe nothing will help you, even if it IS beneficial, then much of the time it won’t work. These powerful effects work or don’t depending on what we believe. Our minds are powerful. We are creators. We have already created.

If life isn’t working out then all they really have to do is switch what they are doing. They switch from the negative, the less than glorious, or destructive, unhealthy thoughts to positive healthy ones.

Instead of spending their time in worry fear, anger and sadness they spend their time in positivity, hope, joy and determination. These people think affirmations don’t work and fail to realize that they are already affirming their failing lives.

They are upset, poor, unhealthy, and disenchanted. When they speak they talk about their worry, fears, problems. They blame the universe, the economy, others and even themselves. They focus on what is wrong more of the time than on what is right.

Yes, they are already affirming. They have got what they don’t want. The are good at getting what they do not want. I certainly, was. AND they keep promoting what they don’t want. They reinforce it by their words, and actions each day.

Once they realize and take 100% responsibility for creating and attracting and maintaining what they don’t want they can begin to turn it around and get what they do want. Shut the door on the old ways, turn away from them, let them go, and open the new door to adventure and a wonderful new life.

Let go of the problems and focus on solutions. Stop thinking and talking about and reinforcing what they don’t want. Start thinking about and talking about what they do want. What we think about most of the time is what we become. What we focus on we get.

If you don’t like where you are at you can change it! What are you waiting for? Are you waiting for it to magically get better? Are you hoping you won’t have to do anything at all and that somehow you will be saved? OR re you waiting for it to get so bad you must do something.

If you wait ALL you will have done is spent more time waiting. Instead, begin today and start living the dreams you want. If you want your life to change you must change things in your life. Change the direction of your thoughts and feelings. Reinforce the positive!

If you want some powerful assistance reading my blog will help you. Go back and read through my posts. Each of them contains the ways and means you can most easily make positive changes. As you do this you will begin making your life more and more what you WANT it to be. It can be wonderful! You can do it. Do it now! Rex SIkes

Find more to smile about today!

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